Help with fiesty 3 yo

[nospam]

Hi there,

I've been looking for an approprate froum to post to and thought I'd try
this one. I have a 3 1/2 yo girl and though she is the light of my life,
lately I cannot take the little darling *anywhere* without her causing a
scene. I have yet to take her to the bank, grocery store, post office...
anywhere - where she has not thrown a fit. I have tried buckling her
into her stroller with a toy/book/etc. to no avail. She will buck and
scream until I get her back to the car. I do not spank her and have
given her time outs for bad behavior. She is very aware when of the
difference between good and bad behavior. I give her ample tiome
everyday for play and "burning off energy" which she has plenty of. She
is in preschool and is not disruptive there (I know because I am there
often helping). What do I do?!?!?!

Thanks,
L

[iphigenia]

nospam wrote:
> What do I do?!?!?!
>
>

No idea, but you might want to also post this in general parenting groups
like misc.kids.

--
iphigenia
www.tristyn.net
"i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
i do not think that they will sing to me."

[Shannon G]

"nospam" > wrote in message
. net...
> Hi there,
>
> I've been looking for an approprate froum to post to and thought I'd try
> this one. I have a 3 1/2 yo girl and though she is the light of my life,
> lately I cannot take the little darling *anywhere* without her causing a
> scene. I have yet to take her to the bank, grocery store, post office...
> anywhere - where she has not thrown a fit. I have tried buckling her
> into her stroller with a toy/book/etc. to no avail. She will buck and
> scream until I get her back to the car. I do not spank her and have
> given her time outs for bad behavior. She is very aware when of the
> difference between good and bad behavior. I give her ample tiome
> everyday for play and "burning off energy" which she has plenty of. She
> is in preschool and is not disruptive there (I know because I am there
> often helping). What do I do?!?!?!
>

DS 3y 3mo used to throw temper tantrums and depending on where we were 1)
ignored it/him or 2) told him if he didn't stop, we would go home or 3) some
other manipulation tactic. Of course, that only works when he was at a
place he didn't want to leave :-) Follow-through is absolutely key. Leave
if the behavior doesn't improve.

We also found that warnings (and again, follow-through) helped improve his
behavior.

Me: "Evan, stand up please and get off the floor or we will not read stories
tonight (fill in the blank with whatever works for you). We do not act like
this in the store".

If the behavior continued I'd give another warning. "Do you want to go home
right now? We will not go to the zoo, mall, visit your friend, Morgan
(whatever works). We will go home now if you cannot be a good listener."

Follow-through is absolutely key. Go home. Do not read stories that night
AND at story time before bed, explain why. "Remember when you didn't listen
at the store today? Maybe tomorrow we can read stories if you are a better
listener". Challenge your child with inquiring why she isn't getting to
read stories, play with her friend, etc.

We never threaten him with having to "go to bed" as we feel bed should be a
good and safe place and not punishment. Nor do we use food as a reward or
as a form of punishment as in "or you don't get ice cream".

It sounds as if your 3 yo has learned how to manipulate you and her
environment (and quite well). It's your job to take control again and teach
her appropriate and acceptable behavior. Good luck and HTH.

Shannon

[Emily Roysdon]

nospam wrote:

> I have yet to take her to the bank, grocery store, post office...
> anywhere - where she has not thrown a fit. I have tried buckling her
> into her stroller with a toy/book/etc. to no avail. She will buck and
> scream until I get her back to the car.

What happens if you let her walk in with you, holding your hand? I have
a three and a five year old, and we don't use the stroller too often
unless it's going to be a long outing with lots of walking.

> I do not spank her and have
> given her time outs for bad behavior.

We don't spank either, and I rarely give time-outs. What I do, and have
done for several years, is to prepare the kids for an outing with a bit
of a peptalk, listing what the outing entails and what my expectations
are: "we're going to the post office. I have to mail this box of
books. The lines might be long, and there will be stantions (posts with
cords between, the bane of my existence since Noah could walk) there.
The posts are dangerous if you touch them, because they could fall over,
crash loudly, and scare people. I will remind you about them when we
get there, and you can look at them. Because there are a lot of people
there, you will stay by me, and we can talk about the post office while
we wait. When we're done, we'll go to the park and you can run around."
I do this in bits and pieces on the way to wherever we're going, with
reminders as needed. It works fairly well, but there have been a few
times where I've had to end an outing, and then make it clear I was
going to go without them when their father got home later, and I did.

> She is very aware when of the
> difference between good and bad behavior.

Being aware and being able to control herself are two different things.
Three year olds just don't have that much impulse control, even though
they seem to "know" a lot.

> I give her ample tiome
> everyday for play and "burning off energy" which she has plenty of. She
> is in preschool and is not disruptive there (I know because I am there
> often helping). What do I do?!?!?!

Have you asked her why she has problems when you go on errands? She
might be over-stimulated by the lights and noise, hungry, or just plain
bored. Any way to do more of your errands when she's in preschool? I
highly recommend a book called _Kids, Parents, and Power Struggle_ by
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. She also wrote _Raising Your Spirited Child_
which may be of interest as well. The former book really helped me
figure out why my children were doing what they were doing, and how to
best react; it also helped me understand myself and my husband better!
I need to re-read it, actually, because my daughter has come out of her
shyness and is a bit challenging lately.


HTH,

Emily

[Sue]

I had that problem with my now 6-year-old. I absolutely could not take her
anywhere without a tantrum and fight. So, I didn't take her. I did my
errands when she was in preschool or when her dad could stay with her. She
didn't want to do the errands with me so saying we would go home was her
reward, so for this child, it was simply easier to just not take her through
those few rough months. She is much better today. Good luck.

Oh, you can post about general parenting questions to misc.kids,
alt.mothers, misc.kids.moderated.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

nospam > wrote in message
. net...
> Hi there,
>
> I've been looking for an approprate froum to post to and thought I'd try
> this one. I have a 3 1/2 yo girl and though she is the light of my life,
> lately I cannot take the little darling *anywhere* without her causing a
> scene. I have yet to take her to the bank, grocery store, post office...
> anywhere - where she has not thrown a fit. I have tried buckling her
> into her stroller with a toy/book/etc. to no avail. She will buck and
> scream until I get her back to the car. I do not spank her and have
> given her time outs for bad behavior. She is very aware when of the
> difference between good and bad behavior. I give her ample tiome
> everyday for play and "burning off energy" which she has plenty of. She
> is in preschool and is not disruptive there (I know because I am there
> often helping). What do I do?!?!?!
>
> Thanks,
> L
>

[Jaclyn]

Maybe what she wants is to leave (it's no fun for a yo to run errands).. if
this is the case, leaving because of a tantrum will just enforce it.. My
daughter was misbehaving in "my" stores, but of course she would be good in
a toy store. I started telling her ahead what I had to get done, and that
if she didn't behave, I would have to go to another store.. otherwise we
could do something else (go home and play, playground, craft.. etc..
something for her). I don't take her out if she's not behaving, at least
not right away.


"nospam" > wrote in message
. net...
> Hi there,
>
> I've been looking for an approprate froum to post to and thought I'd try
> this one. I have a 3 1/2 yo girl and though she is the light of my life,
> lately I cannot take the little darling *anywhere* without her causing a
> scene. I have yet to take her to the bank, grocery store, post office...
> anywhere - where she has not thrown a fit. I have tried buckling her
> into her stroller with a toy/book/etc. to no avail. She will buck and
> scream until I get her back to the car. I do not spank her and have
> given her time outs for bad behavior. She is very aware when of the
> difference between good and bad behavior. I give her ample tiome
> everyday for play and "burning off energy" which she has plenty of. She
> is in preschool and is not disruptive there (I know because I am there
> often helping). What do I do?!?!?!
>
> Thanks,
> L
>