feel bad for being overzealous

[Irrational Number]

I sort of reamed into a coworker today because
she brought up the fact AGAIN that she could
not BF her daughter because she did not have
enough milk. Her daughter is 7, so it's a
bit late now... She told me before that she
did not like BF because it was "messy", she
leaked a lot. Then today she said that the
baby kept crying and wanting to nurse, so she
knew she didn't have enough milk. She said
she really tried... for TWO WEEKS!

So, I got mad and told her that (1) very FEW
women actually do not have enough milk and
(2) if she was leaking a lot, she definitely
had enough and (3) babies nurse CONSTANTLY.
I told her that the first couple of months,
Sammy was attached basically 45 minutes out
of every hour.

It's too late for her daughter now, but I just
got upset and I didn't want to because she's a
good friend and I'm nursing now, so I don't want
to make her feel bad, but I just couldn't help
myself...

-- Anita --
--
SUCCESS FOUR FLIGHTS THURSDAY MORNING ALL AGAINST
TWENTY ONE MILE WIND STARTED FROM LEVEL WITH ENGINE
POWER ALONE AVERAGE SPEED THROUGH AIR THIRTY ONE
MILES LONGEST 57 SECONDS INFORM PRESS HOME CHRISTMAS.

[Dawn Lawson]

Irrational Number wrote:
> I sort of reamed into a coworker today because
> she brought up the fact AGAIN that she could
> not BF her daughter because she did not have
> enough milk.

Understood. I know how you feel.

Her daughter is 7, so it's a
> bit late now... She told me before that she
> did not like BF because it was "messy", she
> leaked a lot. Then today she said that the
> baby kept crying and wanting to nurse, so she
> knew she didn't have enough milk. She said
> she really tried... for TWO WEEKS!

frustrating to listen to.
Sounds like she's working thru her own feelings, perhaps of guilt and
maybe even of jealousy. My mom seemed to work through a bunch of stuff
as I passed each of her own nursing "milestones" or "stumbling blocks".
>
> So, I got mad and told her that (1) very FEW
> women actually do not have enough milk and
> (2) if she was leaking a lot, she definitely
> had enough and (3) babies nurse CONSTANTLY.
> I told her that the first couple of months,
> Sammy was attached basically 45 minutes out
> of every hour.
>
> It's too late for her daughter now, but I just
> got upset and I didn't want to because she's a
> good friend and I'm nursing now, so I don't want
> to make her feel bad, but I just couldn't help
> myself...

Can you go back to it and explain that you're sorry you went a little
over the top, but your information is accurate, and you are concerned
that she may be actually DIScouraging mothers to nurse if she's telling
them her story like that? Can you put a spin on it that makes it clear
she simply didn't have the support and information that she needed to
get past the "problems" she was having? Sort of help her work through
it, and at the same time offer her more of the complete picture?

Dawn

[Belphoebe]

Dawn Lawson wrote:

> Can you go back to it and explain that you're sorry you went a little
> over the top, but your information is accurate, and you are concerned
> that she may be actually DIScouraging mothers to nurse if she's
> telling them her story like that? Can you put a spin on it that
> makes it clear she simply didn't have the support and information
> that she needed to get past the "problems" she was having? Sort of
> help her work through it, and at the same time offer her more of the
> complete picture?

Plus maybe one day her daughter will have children, and the way she tells
her story could undermine her DD's nursing relationship with those future
grandchildren.

--
Belphoebe

[Irrational Number]

Belphoebe wrote:
> Dawn Lawson wrote:
>
>>Can you go back to it and explain that you're sorry you went a little
>>over the top, but your information is accurate, and you are concerned
>>that she may be actually DIScouraging mothers to nurse if she's
>>telling them her story like that? [...]
>
> Plus maybe one day her daughter will have children, and the way she tells
> her story could undermine her DD's nursing relationship with those future
> grandchildren.

Good point, ladies! Actually, part of her story was
that HER mother did not have enough milk (she lost
two babies before my friend came along), so I think
she thinks it runs in the family that they do not
have enough milk!

I will apologize to her today, but I'll try to say
something (gently) about not telling her daughter
about the not-enough-milk part.

-- Anita --

P.S. My own mother was honest with me. She said
that, at that time, the most "advanced" people
chose formula 'cause they were told that "scientifically",
it was better than breastmilk. She did BF me in the
middle of the night (because it was more convenient)
and she did BF me early on, but I got mostly formula
because it was what they thought was best... at
that time. She's so supportive of my BF, it's
wonderful!

--
SUCCESS FOUR FLIGHTS THURSDAY MORNING ALL AGAINST
TWENTY ONE MILE WIND STARTED FROM LEVEL WITH ENGINE
POWER ALONE AVERAGE SPEED THROUGH AIR THIRTY ONE
MILES LONGEST 57 SECONDS INFORM PRESS HOME CHRISTMAS.

[teapot]

Irrational Number > wrote in message >...
> I sort of reamed into a coworker today because
> she brought up the fact AGAIN that she could
> not BF her daughter because she did not have
> enough milk. Her daughter is 7, so it's a
> bit late now... She told me before that she
> did not like BF because it was "messy", she
> leaked a lot. Then today she said that the
> baby kept crying and wanting to nurse, so she
> knew she didn't have enough milk. She said
> she really tried... for TWO WEEKS!
>
> So, I got mad and told her that (1) very FEW
> women actually do not have enough milk and
> (2) if she was leaking a lot, she definitely
> had enough and (3) babies nurse CONSTANTLY.
> I told her that the first couple of months,
> Sammy was attached basically 45 minutes out
> of every hour.
>
> It's too late for her daughter now, but I just
> got upset and I didn't want to because she's a
> good friend and I'm nursing now, so I don't want
> to make her feel bad, but I just couldn't help
> myself...
>
> -- Anita --

I overheard a mother saying that her daughter 'didn't take to the
breast', I bit my tounge and raised my eyebrows, but I was one step
away from a rant. I wouldnt say the moo boy took to it at first,
neither did I, but we worked at it.

hmfrh (cross between hmm and snorting in derision noise)

teapot and the moo

[Cathy Weeks]

Irrational Number > wrote in message >...

> P.S. My own mother was honest with me. She said
> that, at that time, the most "advanced" people
> chose formula 'cause they were told that "scientifically",
> it was better than breastmilk. She did BF me in the
> middle of the night (because it was more convenient)
> and she did BF me early on, but I got mostly formula
> because it was what they thought was best... at
> that time. She's so supportive of my BF, it's
> wonderful!

My mother nursed me, too. For 4 months, when she weaned me to formula
because she wanted to go back to school. She regretted it for years,
because I developed an undiagnosed milk allergy that caused me to be
baby from hell until they discovered it at 9 months of age, and
switched me to soy formula. She later nursed both my brothers until
they were 1 yo, and 10 months respectively, and she would have told me
I was CRAZY for NOT breastfeeding if that had been my decision.

So, you could say that she's supportive. :-)

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01

[Cheryl S.]

Cathy Weeks > wrote in message
om...
> My mother nursed me, too. For 4 months, when she
> weaned me to formula because she wanted to go back
> to school. She regretted it for years, because I developed
> an undiagnosed milk allergy that caused me to be baby
> from hell until they discovered it at 9 months of age, and
> switched me to soy formula. She later nursed both my
> brothers until they were 1 yo, and 10 months respectively,
> and she would have told me I was CRAZY for NOT
> breastfeeding if that had been my decision.
>
> So, you could say that she's supportive. :-)

My mom tried, but unfortunately was strictly instructed by the hospital
staff to feed me only every four hours. Not too surprisingly,
breastfeeding didn't work out under that regimen. She's fairly
supportive of my bf'ing, but sometimes makes less-than-helpful comments
that I mostly attribute to lack of experience.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 7 mo.
And Jaden, 2 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

[Phoebe & Allyson]

Irrational Number wrote:

> Then today she said that the
> baby kept crying and wanting to nurse, so she
> knew she didn't have enough milk.

We were out visiting someone whose sons are young teens, and
she said that she'd tried to bf, but didn't have enough
milk. When she took DS1 to the pediatrician, she mentioned
to the nurse that he cried all the time, and the nurse told
her he was hungry and that she needed to give him formula.
"With <DS2> I knew better, so I supplemented right from the
start."

I'm just now starting to get, "Are you still nursing? And
you have enough milk?" comments from people who are
supportive but felt they had to wean because of insufficient
supply.

I never know what to say in those circumstances.
Fortunately, I don't get the kind of repeated comments that
you seem to be getting.

Phoebe :)
--
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