Feeling inadequate: Can anyone help?

[Kathy]

DD (almost 10 weeks old) is a beautiful, healthy baby. She eats very
well, is very smiley and happy, poops and pees as she should and is
growing mentally and physically. So the breastfeeding is working, and I
do feel great about that.

Our trouble area is the sleep department...we are a mess there. As a
first time Mom, I am feeling inadequate. I just don't know what to
do...dh, dd and I are exhausted. I don't even know what is the right
amount of naps to aim for so she'll sleep better at night...I'm at a
loss.

I keep getting the "give her formula and she'll sleep" advice from well
meaning others. I don't want to give her formula, but I am teetering on
the edge of giving it a try out of desperation.

I understand that there is no such thing as a "normal" sleeping pattern
for a 10 week old...they are all different. But DD's pattern is NO
pattern at all. A couple of days ago she slept just about all day long.
Yesterday I couldn't get her to nap during the day at all. Last night
we finally got her to go to sleep at 11pm, but then she was up every 15
or 20 minutes between then and 3:45am. Then she decided to be awake
permanently from 3:45 to 10am this morning.

My dh and I are both wrecks...we are so tired. I hear her stirring in
her crib right now, and she's only been asleep for 25 minutes.

Can someone please give me some advice? What should I be aiming for as
far as naps go with a 10 week old? I hear others on this board talking
about avoiding evening naps...how do I do this? Can someone tell me
what is a "normal" sleep
pattern for a baby of this age?

I have been swaddling her tightly, and that did work for some time...but
now she fights and struggles until she manages to get her arms out.
Turing the vacuum on worked for a while, but seems to be less effective
now. She is also constantly looking to suck...on her hands, a pacifier
or me.

She sleeps in her crib, or naps in the swing, bouncy seat, bassinette or
crib.

Co-sleeping is not an option. We live in a tiny apartment...can only
fit a double bed and chest of drawers in our room. No room for a
bedside sleeper. Dh and I are both on the large side...we barely fit in
our bed. I don't sleep well with dd in bed with me (I have tried it for
naps) and dh is a heavy sleeper...sometimes he rolls over and crushes
me, so I don't want dd in bed with him.

Please, any advice would help. I'm very interested in what kind of nap
schedule I should be aiming for. What time of day and how long? I
realize that this is all dependant on the individual baby, but I'd
really like to hear what your babies do for naps and what you feel is an
ideal schedule.

Last night I was holding dd...rocking her and humming. I could barely
get the humming out I was so tired...then I started bawling and I felt
so bad as she was just staring up at me with her sweet face and giant
eyes.

Thanks for the vent and for any help...
Kathy

[Nina]

Poor thing.
can you get DH to watch her and stay up with her one night, so the next day
you are refreshed and able to stay up with her and keep her awake the next
day? At 10 weeks mine took about 3n aps/day morning afternoon and evening.
About 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

Can you swadlle her from the armpits down, that way when you put her down to
sleep, there isnt much of a change in feel from being held to being put
down? Mine likes her arms free. so I just swaddle her lower body.
What about a radio in the room with her, either on a quiet station (jazz or
classical in my house) or even static for the white noise.
If you get desperate, and I have at times. If she is quietly awake and not
crying, set up a blanket on the floor, place her next to you and you sleep
while she plays. It isnt ideal, but it may help you to get some sleep safely
while she is awake.

"Kathy" > wrote in message
...
>
> DD (almost 10 weeks old) is a beautiful, healthy baby. She eats very
> well, is very smiley and happy, poops and pees as she should and is
> growing mentally and physically. So the breastfeeding is working, and I
> do feel great about that.
>
> Our trouble area is the sleep department...we are a mess there. As a
> first time Mom, I am feeling inadequate. I just don't know what to
> do...dh, dd and I are exhausted. I don't even know what is the right
> amount of naps to aim for so she'll sleep better at night...I'm at a
> loss.
>
> I keep getting the "give her formula and she'll sleep" advice from well
> meaning others. I don't want to give her formula, but I am teetering on
> the edge of giving it a try out of desperation.
>
> I understand that there is no such thing as a "normal" sleeping pattern
> for a 10 week old...they are all different. But DD's pattern is NO
> pattern at all. A couple of days ago she slept just about all day long.
> Yesterday I couldn't get her to nap during the day at all. Last night
> we finally got her to go to sleep at 11pm, but then she was up every 15
> or 20 minutes between then and 3:45am. Then she decided to be awake
> permanently from 3:45 to 10am this morning.
>
> My dh and I are both wrecks...we are so tired. I hear her stirring in
> her crib right now, and she's only been asleep for 25 minutes.
>
> Can someone please give me some advice? What should I be aiming for as
> far as naps go with a 10 week old? I hear others on this board talking
> about avoiding evening naps...how do I do this? Can someone tell me
> what is a "normal" sleep
> pattern for a baby of this age?
>
> I have been swaddling her tightly, and that did work for some time...but
> now she fights and struggles until she manages to get her arms out.
> Turing the vacuum on worked for a while, but seems to be less effective
> now. She is also constantly looking to suck...on her hands, a pacifier
> or me.
>
> She sleeps in her crib, or naps in the swing, bouncy seat, bassinette or
> crib.
>
> Co-sleeping is not an option. We live in a tiny apartment...can only
> fit a double bed and chest of drawers in our room. No room for a
> bedside sleeper. Dh and I are both on the large side...we barely fit in
> our bed. I don't sleep well with dd in bed with me (I have tried it for
> naps) and dh is a heavy sleeper...sometimes he rolls over and crushes
> me, so I don't want dd in bed with him.
>
> Please, any advice would help. I'm very interested in what kind of nap
> schedule I should be aiming for. What time of day and how long? I
> realize that this is all dependant on the individual baby, but I'd
> really like to hear what your babies do for naps and what you feel is an
> ideal schedule.
>
> Last night I was holding dd...rocking her and humming. I could barely
> get the humming out I was so tired...then I started bawling and I felt
> so bad as she was just staring up at me with her sweet face and giant
> eyes.
>
> Thanks for the vent and for any help...
> Kathy
>

[Sue]

Well the thing is, is that there is no rhyme or reason to a 10-week's old
sleeping pattern. Sorry. I am just really not sure what you can do at this
point to change things. The only thing I can suggest is that you sleep
during the day when your daughter does and perhaps take her to bed with you
during the day so she might sleep longer. Yes, formula can help them sleep
longer because it sits in their stomachs like a ton of lead and it messes up
the normal gut flora. I don't think formula is your answer because you will
then need to get bottles prepared and that takes more time than just feeding
her with your breasts.

I think perhaps one suggestion I could offer, can you and your husband tag
team for a while and see if that helps. Could you nurse the baby to sleep
and then go to bed while hubby stays up with her and then put her to bed.
Then switch the next night and so on. Or even he could get up with her on
the weekends (he would have to bring her to you to nurse, but then he could
take over while you slept in) and then switch the next weekend or whatever.
I think the first year of every baby's life is a rollarcoaster and you just
have to find ways to cope. I know it's hard, but no one ever said parenting
was easy. As a matter of fact, you *have* the easy part now, it gets much
tricker when they are older. :o)

I did find that when my babies were little like yours and even now, that
white noise like a fan worked wonderful in lulling them to sleep and letting
them sleep longer. Also, I know you said you swaddle her, but how about just
swaddling her body and letting her arms go free so that she can move them,
but at the same time she can feel secure. Giving her a shirt that smells
like you might also help.

Hang in there. It does get much easier as far as sleeping goes or at least
for some people.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Kathy > wrote in message
...
>
> DD (almost 10 weeks old) is a beautiful, healthy baby. She eats very
> well, is very smiley and happy, poops and pees as she should and is
> growing mentally and physically. So the breastfeeding is working, and I
> do feel great about that.
>
> Our trouble area is the sleep department...we are a mess there. As a
> first time Mom, I am feeling inadequate. I just don't know what to
> do...dh, dd and I are exhausted. I don't even know what is the right
> amount of naps to aim for so she'll sleep better at night...I'm at a
> loss.
>
> I keep getting the "give her formula and she'll sleep" advice from well
> meaning others. I don't want to give her formula, but I am teetering on
> the edge of giving it a try out of desperation.
>
> I understand that there is no such thing as a "normal" sleeping pattern
> for a 10 week old...they are all different. But DD's pattern is NO
> pattern at all. A couple of days ago she slept just about all day long.
> Yesterday I couldn't get her to nap during the day at all. Last night
> we finally got her to go to sleep at 11pm, but then she was up every 15
> or 20 minutes between then and 3:45am. Then she decided to be awake
> permanently from 3:45 to 10am this morning.
>
> My dh and I are both wrecks...we are so tired. I hear her stirring in
> her crib right now, and she's only been asleep for 25 minutes.
>
> Can someone please give me some advice? What should I be aiming for as
> far as naps go with a 10 week old? I hear others on this board talking
> about avoiding evening naps...how do I do this? Can someone tell me
> what is a "normal" sleep
> pattern for a baby of this age?
>
> I have been swaddling her tightly, and that did work for some time...but
> now she fights and struggles until she manages to get her arms out.
> Turing the vacuum on worked for a while, but seems to be less effective
> now. She is also constantly looking to suck...on her hands, a pacifier
> or me.
>
> She sleeps in her crib, or naps in the swing, bouncy seat, bassinette or
> crib.
>
> Co-sleeping is not an option. We live in a tiny apartment...can only
> fit a double bed and chest of drawers in our room. No room for a
> bedside sleeper. Dh and I are both on the large side...we barely fit in
> our bed. I don't sleep well with dd in bed with me (I have tried it for
> naps) and dh is a heavy sleeper...sometimes he rolls over and crushes
> me, so I don't want dd in bed with him.
>
> Please, any advice would help. I'm very interested in what kind of nap
> schedule I should be aiming for. What time of day and how long? I
> realize that this is all dependant on the individual baby, but I'd
> really like to hear what your babies do for naps and what you feel is an
> ideal schedule.
>
> Last night I was holding dd...rocking her and humming. I could barely
> get the humming out I was so tired...then I started bawling and I felt
> so bad as she was just staring up at me with her sweet face and giant
> eyes.
>
> Thanks for the vent and for any help...
> Kathy
>

[Mary W.]

Kathy wrote:

> Our trouble area is the sleep department...we are a mess there. As a
> first time Mom, I am feeling inadequate. I just don't know what to
> do...dh, dd and I are exhausted. I don't even know what is the right
> amount of naps to aim for so she'll sleep better at night...I'm at a
> loss.

I don't have alot of advice, DD was a terrible sleeper. We let her sleep in
her carseat frequently, often it was the only way to get her to sleep (Drive
around or go for a walk, carseat snapped into stroller), then leave her in
the seat. I know this isn't recommended, but frankly it saved our sanity.

The other useful piece of advice I got, that came a little to late, is that
babies often need a nap about an hour after they get up in the morning. So
maybe your daughter is over tired and that just feeds on itself making it
harder to get them to sleep.

People have recommended "The no cry sleep solution", by Elizabeth Pantley -
I don't know if she addresses babies this young or not. You are probably
missing her early signs that she's sleepy and therefore missing a window of
opportunity. Wish I had more practical advice.

Mary

[Dagny]

"Kathy" > wrote in message
...
>
> DD (almost 10 weeks old) is a beautiful, healthy baby. She eats very
> well, is very smiley and happy, poops and pees as she should and is
> growing mentally and physically. So the breastfeeding is working, and I
> do feel great about that.
>
> Our trouble area is the sleep department...we are a mess there. As a
> first time Mom, I am feeling inadequate. I just don't know what to
> do...dh, dd and I are exhausted. I don't even know what is the right
> amount of naps to aim for so she'll sleep better at night...I'm at a
> loss.
>
> I keep getting the "give her formula and she'll sleep" advice from well
> meaning others. I don't want to give her formula, but I am teetering on
> the edge of giving it a try out of desperation.
>
> I understand that there is no such thing as a "normal" sleeping pattern
> for a 10 week old...they are all different. But DD's pattern is NO
> pattern at all. A couple of days ago she slept just about all day long.
> Yesterday I couldn't get her to nap during the day at all. Last night
> we finally got her to go to sleep at 11pm, but then she was up every 15
> or 20 minutes between then and 3:45am. Then she decided to be awake
> permanently from 3:45 to 10am this morning.
>
> My dh and I are both wrecks...we are so tired. I hear her stirring in
> her crib right now, and she's only been asleep for 25 minutes.
>
> Can someone please give me some advice? What should I be aiming for as
> far as naps go with a 10 week old? I hear others on this board talking
> about avoiding evening naps...how do I do this? Can someone tell me
> what is a "normal" sleep
> pattern for a baby of this age?
>
> I have been swaddling her tightly, and that did work for some time...but
> now she fights and struggles until she manages to get her arms out.
> Turing the vacuum on worked for a while, but seems to be less effective
> now. She is also constantly looking to suck...on her hands, a pacifier
> or me.
>
> She sleeps in her crib, or naps in the swing, bouncy seat, bassinette or
> crib.
>
> Co-sleeping is not an option. We live in a tiny apartment...can only
> fit a double bed and chest of drawers in our room. No room for a
> bedside sleeper. Dh and I are both on the large side...we barely fit in
> our bed. I don't sleep well with dd in bed with me (I have tried it for
> naps) and dh is a heavy sleeper...sometimes he rolls over and crushes
> me, so I don't want dd in bed with him.
>
> Please, any advice would help. I'm very interested in what kind of nap
> schedule I should be aiming for. What time of day and how long? I
> realize that this is all dependant on the individual baby, but I'd
> really like to hear what your babies do for naps and what you feel is an
> ideal schedule.
>
> Last night I was holding dd...rocking her and humming. I could barely
> get the humming out I was so tired...then I started bawling and I felt
> so bad as she was just staring up at me with her sweet face and giant
> eyes.
>
> Thanks for the vent and for any help...
> Kathy
>

Dear Kathy,

Try everything else suggested, but if it doesn't work I think kicking DH out
of the bed and learning to cosleep with DD might be what you have to do.
I'm not sure we're biologically wired to sleep apart from our babies; some
babies do it well, but it's not the babies' fault that can't. I am not sure
what I would do if I wasn't cosleeping with DD. I would be very, very
tired, that's for sure. It's not ideal from a marriage point of view, but
neither is no sleep eh?

I did read that you don't sleep well with your daughter when you try for
naps, but it's kind of like breastfeeding, with commitment it almost always
becomes easy eventually.

Dagny

[teapot]

(Kathy) wrote in message >...
> DD (almost 10 weeks old) is a beautiful, healthy baby. She eats very
> well, is very smiley and happy, poops and pees as she should and is
> growing mentally and physically. So the breastfeeding is working, and I
> do feel great about that.
>
> Our trouble area is the sleep department...we are a mess there. As a
> first time Mom, I am feeling inadequate. I just don't know what to
> do...dh, dd and I are exhausted. I don't even know what is the right
> amount of naps to aim for so she'll sleep better at night...I'm at a
> loss.
>
>
Hi

I am having similar problems with my 5 and a half month old, hence the
4am posting, I just had to get away from him, we co sleep and he has
been kicking and punching me for the past 3 hours. I am trying the no
cry sleep solution, which basically involves logging a days naps, the
prebedtime routine and the night wakings and then changeing things
like lengthening naps and slowing everything down thehour before
bedtime. It's only day one with me so I can't tell if it works yet.

At 10 weeks mine was pretty eratic then all of a sudden things got
better and he started to sleep for 4 hours in a row. Then the
teething thing happened!

One of the troubles with sleep deprivation is that no one really
respects it, I was so tired that I was slurring my words and dropping
things but people just laugh and say they remember what it was like.
If they did really remmeber I'm sure they wouldnt laugh. I feel
downright psycotic sometimes.

Good advice I have had that works for us is -
Nap when he naps,
Go for a nap as soon as he looks a little bit tired as it is harder
for them to sleep when overtired,
Get a good night time routine that is really predictable; ours is bum
change, into grobag, nurse, boring repetative story with the same
start to it every day, talk in boring tones about what we did today
and what we did tomorrow and by then he's usually asleep.
At night keep everything dim and dull, not at all interesting
Wait until the breathing changes to shallower (deep sleep) until you
put them down. Expect to take 20 minutes for this to happen


Good luck, you are really not alone in this!

teapot and miserable moo boy

[Kathy]

Thank you all for your thoughtful advice and support...

Last night I was able to get 5 hours of uninterupted sleep, thanks to dh
(who is sleeping now to make up for what he lost).

Dd has been very inconsolable for these past few days, which is why I
hated to leave her all to dh to take care of. But he insisted, and I'm
so glad he did. He walked the floor with her, gave her a bottle of EBM,
rocked her, held a pacifier in her mouth...whatever he needed to do to
get through those hours.

Today I feel closer to alive than I have in days. It's amazing what a
little sleep can do...

Thank you all again,
Kathy

[Nina]

good for you!

"Kathy" > wrote in message
...
>
> Thank you all for your thoughtful advice and support...
>
> Last night I was able to get 5 hours of uninterupted sleep, thanks to dh
> (who is sleeping now to make up for what he lost).
>
> Dd has been very inconsolable for these past few days, which is why I
> hated to leave her all to dh to take care of. But he insisted, and I'm
> so glad he did. He walked the floor with her, gave her a bottle of EBM,
> rocked her, held a pacifier in her mouth...whatever he needed to do to
> get through those hours.
>
> Today I feel closer to alive than I have in days. It's amazing what a
> little sleep can do...
>
> Thank you all again,
> Kathy
>

[Ellie]

I know what you mean about the lack of sleep and I'm afraid I don't have any
answers. My 6 wk old twins are just the same at the moment. The other
night I was so tired I nearly dropped DD when I fell asleep trying to cradle
her to sleep.

Just wanted to let you know I know where you're coming from.

Ellie

"Kathy" > wrote in message
...
>
> Thank you all for your thoughtful advice and support...
>
> Last night I was able to get 5 hours of uninterupted sleep, thanks to dh
> (who is sleeping now to make up for what he lost).
>
> Dd has been very inconsolable for these past few days, which is why I
> hated to leave her all to dh to take care of. But he insisted, and I'm
> so glad he did. He walked the floor with her, gave her a bottle of EBM,
> rocked her, held a pacifier in her mouth...whatever he needed to do to
> get through those hours.
>
> Today I feel closer to alive than I have in days. It's amazing what a
> little sleep can do...
>
> Thank you all again,
> Kathy
>

[Linz]

On Sat, 22 Nov 2003 11:05:27 -0600 (CST), (Kathy)
wrote:

>
>Thank you all for your thoughtful advice and support...
>
>Last night I was able to get 5 hours of uninterupted sleep, thanks to dh
>(who is sleeping now to make up for what he lost).

Rah! And Rah! to DH for giving you a break.


--
Never knock an idea that started out on the back of a beer mat.
(Colin Pillinger, brains behind Beagle 2.)