OT "Let me hold the baby"

[Cheryl S.]

Why do some people not take no for an answer when they want to hold your
baby? We were just at an extended family holiday party and DS was
freaked out by all the noise and strange people. I spent most of the
time we were there standing and swaying in a quiet corner soothing him.
I knew if anyone else held him he'd be scared. It was the first time
most people there had seen him and one cousin in particular was
persistent about holding him. Finally, when he had fallen asleep, I
gave in against my better judgment, and immediately wished I hadn't.
The poor babe was hysterical and it took me half an hour to calm him
down again. :( And still when we were starting to get ready to leave,
the same cousin insisted on holding him again, with the same result.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

[Karen]

Wear him in a sling. That worked like a big "hands off' sign for us. If
he was asleep in there, people cold peek in a bit, otherwise when he was
up, people would have to so egregiously violate my personal space to
touch him that most people didn't dare. We were very NOT into "passing
around" the baby and very into respecting his natural fears and
uncertainties.

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

[[email protected]]

Cheryl S. > wrote:
> Why do some people not take no for an answer when they want to hold your
> baby? We were just at an extended family holiday party and DS was
> freaked out by all the noise and strange people. I spent most of the
> time we were there standing and swaying in a quiet corner soothing him.
> I knew if anyone else held him he'd be scared. It was the first time
> most people there had seen him and one cousin in particular was
> persistent about holding him. Finally, when he had fallen asleep, I
> gave in against my better judgment, and immediately wished I hadn't.
> The poor babe was hysterical and it took me half an hour to calm him
> down again. :( And still when we were starting to get ready to leave,
> the same cousin insisted on holding him again, with the same result.

DS was about 3 1/2 months at Thanksgiving and it was the first time he'd
seen most of the relatives as well. Fortuantely, he's pretty laid back and
doesn't really care who's holding him as long as they'll smile back. =)
However, it really urked me because most of the relatives didn't even ask
before they took him. As soon as I walked in, someone had lifted him right
out of my arms and then the passing began. I had to hunt him down to take
him to change his diaper and nurse. One aunt even let him 5 year old son
hold him without asking me if I was comfortable with that (which I wasn't
considering he'd dropped his baby brother a few months earlier).

Manda

[Em]

"Cheryl S." > wrote in message
> Why do some people not take no for an answer when they want to hold your
> baby? We were just at an extended family holiday party and DS was
> freaked out by all the noise and strange people. I spent most of the
> time we were there standing and swaying in a quiet corner soothing him.
> I knew if anyone else held him he'd be scared. It was the first time
> most people there had seen him and one cousin in particular was
> persistent about holding him. Finally, when he had fallen asleep, I
> gave in against my better judgment, and immediately wished I hadn't.
> The poor babe was hysterical and it took me half an hour to calm him
> down again. :( And still when we were starting to get ready to leave,
> the same cousin insisted on holding him again, with the same result.

I went to a work Christmas party last Tuesday and worn DS in the sling the
whole time as "protection" from people holding him (and because it left my
hands free to eat and so forth). Several people mentioned that they'd like
to hold him if I needed to get him out of the sling and I would just say how
cozy he was in there. For the first part of the party, he rode around
sucking his hand and looking out at everybody, then he went to sleep. After
he was sleeping, I had a few people mention holding him if he woke up (but
he didn't).

I'm shocked by how free people are with touching babies too! When people at
the party that I know well touched him, it didn't seem so nervy, but I had
virtual strangers come up and rub his back through the sling, etc. I've also
had the greeter and Wal-Mart touch his face while he was in the sling!
Hello! I don't really know how to avoid it (though slinging him helps a
*lot*, because then no one tries to hold his hand or take him from me or
anything like that).

--
Em
mama to L-baby, 11 weeks

[Nina]

"Em" > wrote
> I'm shocked by how free people are with touching babies too! When people
at
> the party that I know well touched him, it didn't seem so nervy, but I had
> virtual strangers come up and rub his back through the sling, etc. I've
also
> had the greeter and Wal-Mart touch his face while he was in the sling!
> Hello! I don't really know how to avoid it (though slinging him helps a
> *lot*, because then no one tries to hold his hand or take him from me or
> anything like that).
>

I cover my baby with a blanket and say she is either asleep or sick. Whens
he is in the carseat/carrier, I raise the handle and drape a blanket over
it.

>

[Buzzy Bee]

On Sun, 7 Dec 2003 18:28:07 -0500, "Cheryl S."
> wrote:
but then again I might just have mucked up the snipping as usual!
>Why do some people not take no for an answer when they want to hold your
>baby? We were just at an extended family holiday party and DS was
>freaked out by all the noise and strange people. I spent most of the
>time we were there standing and swaying in a quiet corner soothing him.
>I knew if anyone else held him he'd be scared. It was the first time
>most people there had seen him and one cousin in particular was
>persistent about holding him.

Might she have recently have a loss (and maybe not told the rest of
the family). I know I get pretty desperate for a hold of a baby if
one is around.

Megan

--
Seoras David Montgomery, 7 May 2003, 17 hours: sunrise to sunset (homebirth)

To e-mail use: megan at farr-montgomery dot com

[Stephanie and Tim]

"Cheryl S." > wrote in message
...
> Why do some people not take no for an answer when they want to hold your
> baby? We were just at an extended family holiday party and DS was
> freaked out by all the noise and strange people. I spent most of the
> time we were there standing and swaying in a quiet corner soothing him.
> I knew if anyone else held him he'd be scared. It was the first time
> most people there had seen him and one cousin in particular was
> persistent about holding him. Finally, when he had fallen asleep, I
> gave in against my better judgment, and immediately wished I hadn't.
> The poor babe was hysterical and it took me half an hour to calm him
> down again. :( And still when we were starting to get ready to leave,
> the same cousin insisted on holding him again, with the same result.
> --
> Cheryl S.
> Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
> And Jaden, 3 months
>
> Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
> shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.
>
>

Don't know. But I finally learned to nurse in the sling. It worked great for
Thanksgiving because the stress relief of nursing helped AND people did not
ask to hold DD since I would have to haul her out. I went merrily about
Thanksgiving with DD in the sling.

S

[laurie]

>Finally, when he had fallen asleep, I
>gave in against my better judgment, and immediately wished I hadn't.
>The poor babe was hysterical and it took me half an hour to calm him
>down again. :( And still when we were starting to get ready to leave,
>the same cousin insisted on holding him again, with the same result.
>--

>-
>Cheryl S.
>Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
>And Jaden, 3 months
>

Doesn't that just kill you? You dont want to seem like a jerk, but babe is #1!
I've been in that situation too. Know exactly what you mean.

Did she at least have the good graces to give the baby back, or did you have to
pry him away?

laurie
mommy to Jessica, 2.5 years and
Christopher, 7.5 months

[Melania]

Karen > wrote in message et>...
> Wear him in a sling. That worked like a big "hands off' sign for us. If
> he was asleep in there, people cold peek in a bit, otherwise when he was
> up, people would have to so egregiously violate my personal space to
> touch him that most people didn't dare. We were very NOT into "passing
> around" the baby and very into respecting his natural fears and
> uncertainties.
>
> -Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

Wow, I guess this really is a YMMV sort of issue! Before ds was born,
dh and I discussed it and agreed that we were VERY into "passing
around" the baby, right from the start, because we each have relatives
who were highly protective and preferred not to let others hold the
baby very much, and their kids seemed to us to end up with a lot of
stranger anxiety and not do as well in loud/crowded social settings.
As it turns out, ds loves his space and now, at 11 mo, wriggles and
squirms to get away from whoever's holding him (mom and dad included)
if he wants to play by himself on the floor. He's very quiet and
observant around new people, but he quickly warms to new friends once
he's established that we're okay with them, and he doesn't mind being
held by lots of different people. On Saturday, without prompting, he
reached out to go to my second cousin (whom he'd never met, and who I
hadn't seen in seven years). I thought that was great! We've never
seen him "make strange", which was our goal. I do a lot of solo
travelling with the baby, and it's nice to be able to hand him over
for a moment to a security guard when I'm asked to open my bag at the
airport, or to a flight attendant, or to ask the person sitting with
me on the plane to watch him while I go to the bathroom, and to know
that he won't mind at all! Of course, I keep a close eye on him, I
worry about safety, and I would never ask a stranger to watch him if
we weren't trapped in the airplane!

All that said, I was a screamer who wouldn't let go of my mom's neck
when I was the same age, and she had a similar parenting philosophy to
our own. It probably depends mostly on the child's personality, and
had ds shown any discomfort early on with being held by others, we
would of course have respected that completely. Also, some other
posters have said they've been approached by strangers (like the
Wal-Mart greeter!), and that would make me uncomfortable too!

Melania and Joffre (recently returned to Manitoba)

[laurie]

>Might she have recently have a loss (and maybe not told the rest of
>the family). I know I get pretty desperate for a hold of a baby if
>one is around.
>
>Megan
>

:( Hugs to you, Megan.


laurie
mommy to Jessica, 2.5 years and
Christopher, 7.5 months

[Cheryl S.]

"Buzzy Bee" > wrote in message
...
> Might she have recently have a loss (and maybe not
> told the rest of the family). I know I get pretty desperate
> for a hold of a baby if one is around.

I'm 99% sure this wasn't the case in this particular situation, but it's
something I wouldn't have thought of and will now consider in the
future. {{{Megan}}}
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

[Cheryl S.]

"Karen" > wrote in message
ink.net...
> Wear him in a sling. That worked like a big "hands off'
> sign for us.

Good tip, thanks.

> We were very NOT into "passing around" the baby
> and very into respecting his natural fears and
> uncertainties.

Same here. If it didn't upset him so much, I wouldn't have a problem
with letting relatives hold him at a thing like this, but I can't stand
to hear him cry over it and what I really don't get is why anyone else
would want to make him cry just so they could hold him. I guess a mom
generally has different priorities than the rest of the world when it
comes to her kids.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

[Cheryl S.]

"laurie" > wrote in message
...
> Did she at least have the good graces to give the
> baby back, or did you have to pry him away?

No, they don't give him back (my mom does this too)! That's what really
bugs me, I guess, the disregard for the baby's feelings. Though I'm
sure it seemed like a much longer time to me than it actually was.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

[Em]

"Melania" > wrote in message

> Wow, I guess this really is a YMMV sort of issue! Before ds was born,
> dh and I discussed it and agreed that we were VERY into "passing
> around" the baby, right from the start, because we each have relatives
> who were highly protective and preferred not to let others hold the
> baby very much, and their kids seemed to us to end up with a lot of
> stranger anxiety and not do as well in loud/crowded social settings.
<snip>

I don't mind passing my baby to relatives and good friends as long as he is
happy with them. I've had several comments actually about how good I am
about letting other people hold him. However, if he is sad (like in Cheryl's
case) or if it is a total stranger (like the Wal-Mart greeter) then I like
him safe with me in the sling!

WRT stranger anxiety, I would like my DS to be comfortable with lots of
people and not be a total cling-on, but I do think that stranger anxiety
actually exists to serve a function--it seems as it Nature is providing for
the baby not to be snatched up by some marauder and made off with :-)

--
Em
mama to L-baby, 11 weeks

[Jan Andrea]

"Melania" > wrote in message
> Wow, I guess this really is a YMMV sort of issue!
[snippage]
> It probably depends mostly on the child's personality,

IMO, it depends almost completely on the child's personality. Stephen, our
first, did not like to be passed around. I would have been happy to let
him, but he was very particular about how he was held, and usually I was the
only one who could really comfort him -- even DH wouldn't do. Sophia is
completely the opposite -- she will fall asleep in anyone's arms, and if I
have to take her back, it's usually for my comfort (boobs too full!), after
which she'll happily go to someone else. We haven't changed the way we
relate(d) to them; it was all their personalities.

Jan
--
Mum to Stephen, 22 May 2000
and Sophia, 2 October 2003
My personal page: http://www.sleepingbaby.net/jan/
Baby-related crafts: http://www.sleepingbaby.net/jan/Baby/crafts.html

[Em]

"Nina" > wrote in message
> "Em" > wrote
> > I'm shocked by how free people are with touching babies too! When people
> at
> > the party that I know well touched him, it didn't seem so nervy, but I
had
> > virtual strangers come up and rub his back through the sling, etc. I've
> also
> > had the greeter and Wal-Mart touch his face while he was in the sling!
> > Hello! I don't really know how to avoid it (though slinging him helps a
> > *lot*, because then no one tries to hold his hand or take him from me or
> > anything like that).
> >
>
> I cover my baby with a blanket and say she is either asleep or sick. Whens
> he is in the carseat/carrier, I raise the handle and drape a blanket over
> it.

I've tried keeping the tail of the sling over his head, but it annoys him
and he thrashes around trying to move it. One of the Wal-Mart greeters even
moved it once too, while I was getting my cart! (a different one than the
one that touched his face).

--
Em
mama to L-baby, 11 weeks

[Cheryl S.]

"Em" > wrote in message
news:Ff1Bb.269859$Dw6.917891@attbi_s02...
> I've also had the greeter and Wal-Mart touch
> his face while he was in the sling! Hello!

When Julie was a baby, I once spoke to the customer service person after
the cashiers at Kroger touched her on several separate occasions. I
mean, cashiers are exposed to who-knows how many other people and
handling money all day (what's dirtier than money?) then they rub my
baby's hand which she then immediately starts sucking on...ick! Their
response when I nicely suggested they counsel their employees not to
touch babies, or at least to ask first, was "most customers *like* it
because it's friendly". *boggle*
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

[Cheryl S.]

"Em" > wrote in message
news:TN5Bb.468472$Tr4.1291426@attbi_s03...
> WRT stranger anxiety, I would like my DS to be
> comfortable with lots of people and not be a total
> cling-on, but I do think that stranger anxiety actually
> exists to serve a function--it seems as it Nature is
> providing for the baby not to be snatched up by
> some marauder and made off with :-)

I think so too, but regardless of why it exists, it clearly does exist
in Jaden's case ATM, so I am going to respect his feelings. I don't
think it has anything to do with my letting or not letting other people
hold him though. Up until a couple weeks ago he would go to anyone.
Thanksgiving day was the first time he was upset by other people holding
him.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

[Em]

"Cheryl S." > wrote in message
> "Em" > wrote in message
> > WRT stranger anxiety, I would like my DS to be
> > comfortable with lots of people and not be a total
> > cling-on, but I do think that stranger anxiety actually
> > exists to serve a function--it seems as it Nature is
> > providing for the baby not to be snatched up by
> > some marauder and made off with :-)
>
> I think so too, but regardless of why it exists, it clearly does exist
> in Jaden's case ATM, so I am going to respect his feelings. I don't
> think it has anything to do with my letting or not letting other people
> hold him though. Up until a couple weeks ago he would go to anyone.
> Thanksgiving day was the first time he was upset by other people holding
> him.

I totally agree. I think you should absolutely follow his cues and if he is
scared to be held by others, you shouldn't undermine his trust and force him
to be. What I was trying to point out in my post and re-reading it see that
I did not make clear, is that I do not necessarily think it is a good thing
to have a baby that "goes to anyone"--I think stranger anxiety is designed
to serve a protective purpose. (Obviously, babies have differing levels of
sociability and different definitions of who "strangers" are as well).

It is so neat to see how babies develop and change. Lann is younger than
Jaden and isn't to a stage where he cares very much who is holding him, but
lately he has started to do something kind of funny and cute--if someone
else is holding him and I walk by and say something to him he will start to
pump his legs really hard, smile, and then start to make a funny sort of low
little semi-plaintive growl/whine noise that I take to mean, "you hold me
now!"

--
Em
mama to L-baby, 11 weeks

[Dawn Lawson]

Cheryl S. wrote:
> "Em" > wrote in message
> news:Ff1Bb.269859$Dw6.917891@attbi_s02...
>
>>I've also had the greeter and Wal-Mart touch
>>his face while he was in the sling! Hello!
>
>
> When Julie was a baby, I once spoke to the customer service person after
> the cashiers at Kroger touched her on several separate occasions. I
> mean, cashiers are exposed to who-knows how many other people and
> handling money all day (what's dirtier than money?) then they rub my
> baby's hand which she then immediately starts sucking on...ick! Their
> response when I nicely suggested they counsel their employees not to
> touch babies, or at least to ask first, was "most customers *like* it
> because it's friendly". *boggle*



The serving staff at the hotel gma, DS and I stayed in on our return
from England in April were ODD. They were going so far as to wipe DS's
chin if he dribbled!!!! ("Don't want you to get a sore chinny" burbled
in embarrassingly awful babytalk....)

Disturbing, very weird, and annoying as hell...it was the first week the
hotel was open, and they were bizarrely over staffed in the restaraunt,
so we could barely eat for fending off servers.

(and for 20 pounds, the food was crap and the coffee damn near
undrinkable too! The room was fine, but going for food twice was twice
too many visits there and cost more than half my usual monthly bill for
groceries)

Dawn, also annoyed at the neighbor (who is a virtual stranger to us) who
will wrest DS from my arms to hold him if I don't move away fast enough.
(not surprised though, this is the same woman who showed up the morning
after my house fire asking for a tour of the damage)

[azure]

"Melania" > wrote in message
om...

> Wow, I guess this really is a YMMV sort of issue! Before ds was born,
> dh and I discussed it and agreed that we were VERY into "passing
> around" the baby, right from the start, because we each have relatives
> who were highly protective and preferred not to let others hold the
> baby very much, and their kids seemed to us to end up with a lot of
> stranger anxiety and not do as well in loud/crowded social settings.

I was happy with anyone holding my baby until she made it every clear she
didn't like it! Now if you saw me you'd probably think I was highly
protective, even uptight, but it's because those situations end up
stressful, because I need to say no for her. The social pressure is strong.
At 8mo she is warming to her grandparents and my best friend but everyone
else is still a no go zone. I would never ask to hold a baby anymore,
unless I knew the baby well and that they liked it. It's such a relief for
me to go somewhere where noone wants to "have a little hold".

So it's not always the protectiveness that causes stranger anxiety,
sometimes it's the strangers : )

Cheers,

Leah


---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.543 / Virus Database: 337 - Release Date: 21/11/03

[KC]

I have hated this stranger attention at times when the babies were at
stages where they didn't want stranger's attention. My first dd got
stranger anxiety at 4 months and at almost 4 years still isn't 100%
over it. They call it shyness now. Jessi got it at 5 months and it
vanished by 6 months.

Now with this flu that's really hard on kids going around I am totally
against strangers touching her, and have my hackles up in a big way
over it. Nobody is touching my baby this month!

I really can't imagine why they touch stranger's babies. I wouldn't.
I just smile and wave at stranger's babies.

KC


"Em" > wrote in message news:<Ff1Bb.269859$Dw6.917891@attbi_s02>...

>
> I'm shocked by how free people are with touching babies too! When people at
> the party that I know well touched him, it didn't seem so nervy, but I had
> virtual strangers come up and rub his back through the sling, etc. I've also
> had the greeter and Wal-Mart touch his face while he was in the sling!
> Hello! I don't really know how to avoid it (though slinging him helps a
> *lot*, because then no one tries to hold his hand or take him from me or
> anything like that).

[KC]

I have hated this stranger attention at times when the babies were at
stages where they didn't want stranger's attention. My first dd got
stranger anxiety at 4 months and at almost 4 years still isn't 100%
over it. They call it shyness now. Jessi got it at 5 months and it
vanished by 6 months.

Now with this flu that's really hard on kids going around I am totally
against strangers touching her, and have my hackles up in a big way
over it. Nobody is touching my baby this month!

KC


"Em" > wrote in message news:<Ff1Bb.269859$Dw6.917891@attbi_s02>...

>
> I'm shocked by how free people are with touching babies too! When people at
> the party that I know well touched him, it didn't seem so nervy, but I had
> virtual strangers come up and rub his back through the sling, etc. I've also
> had the greeter and Wal-Mart touch his face while he was in the sling!
> Hello! I don't really know how to avoid it (though slinging him helps a
> *lot*, because then no one tries to hold his hand or take him from me or
> anything like that).

[Nevermind]

(Melania) wrote >
> Wow, I guess this really is a YMMV sort of issue! Before ds was born,
> dh and I discussed it and agreed that we were VERY into "passing
> around" the baby,

I have never given it such particular thought, but I'm with you in
thinking it's really nice for friends and relatives to hold the baby.
In winter, if "passing around" is likely, I might loudly mention that
I just want to keep her away from colds, and of course if she is
either upset or acting like she wants to stay with me, then she stays
with me or DH. I do a bit disturbed by strangers getting too up close
with their faces, and don't like strangers kissing my babies (!), but
the odd tiouch from a nice stranger here or there doesn't bother me.
But, my current baby is my third, and so I'm used to there being
"stranger germs" around her (both older siblings are in school and
have friends over all the time).

[Chookie]

This thread is interesting.

1. I am not at all worried by total strangers admiring my baby. What's weird
about that? He IS gorgeous! For another thing, it also shows us that while
our society is becoming less child-friendly, not everyone is anti-babies. I'm
very happy when people use DS as a conversation-starter -- it's better than
eye-rolls and sighs about crying babies. (Just had a conversation today with
a new mother who had been subjected to rude behaviour because her baby is
colicky and cries a lot -- she is feeling very self-conscious about going out
with the baby now, which is sad)

2. IIRC influenza is an *airborne* virus. Unless the baby is a premmie, I
see no reason for the paranoia about germs that some people have displayed.
Babies NEED exposure to germs!

3. Fortunately I have the kind of relatives who ask to nurse the baby, not
the kind who grab the child out of your arms. However, even the grabby ones
can be managed. Expressions like, "Hang on, can you help me with my nappy bag
first," "Give me a chance to sit down!" or even "I think she's done a poo" can
really slow people down.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Jeez; if only those Ancient Greek storytellers had known about the astonishing
creature that is the *Usenet hydra*: you cut off one head, and *a stupider one*
grows back..." -- MJ, cam.misc

[Mary Ann Tuli]

Chookie wrote:
> This thread is interesting.
>
> 1. I am not at all worried by total strangers admiring my baby. What's weird
> about that?

I believe the original post was not so much about whether people should
or should not be allowed to hold a young baby, but more a complaint
about why, when people are told "no" for whatever reason, they persist
and persist or simply grab the baby. It's an issue of respect IMO.

Mary Ann

[Sue]

Chookie > wrote in message
...
> This thread is interesting.
>
> 1. I am not at all worried by total strangers admiring my baby. What's
weird about that? He IS gorgeous! For another thing, it also shows us
that while our society is becoming less child-friendly, not everyone is
anti-babies. I'm very happy when people use DS as a
conversation-starter -- it's better than eye-rolls and sighs about crying
babies. (Just had a conversation today with a new mother who had been
subjected to rude behaviour because her baby is colicky and cries a lot --
she is feeling very self-conscious about going out with the baby now, which
is sad)
>
> 2. IIRC influenza is an *airborne* virus. Unless the baby is a premmie,
I see no reason for the paranoia about germs that some people have
displayed. Babies NEED exposure to germs!
>
> 3. Fortunately I have the kind of relatives who ask to nurse the baby,
not the kind who grab the child out of your arms. However, even the grabby
ones can be managed. Expressions like, "Hang on, can you help me with my
nappy bag first," "Give me a chance to sit down!" or even "I think she's
done a poo" can really slow people down.

I'm with you Chookie. There was only one time I got freaked out by everyone
holding the baby. It was my first and that was when I was still in the
hospital with her. She was only a few hours old and I had like ten people in
the room passing her around. DD1 wasn't unhappy, but I was a new mom, lol.
After that and even when she became immunocompromised, I figured the more
germs she can get used to the better. I really don't get freaked out about
germs at all. I see some moms wiping down chairs and tables before baby sits
down. Certainly good handwashing is in order, but some people do go
overboard and they don't realize that babies do need to be exposed to
outside germs. I do understand that Cheryl is more upset at her relatives
not respecting the babies feelings, but at the same time, the relatives were
probably thinking that they could settle the baby down for Cheryl and
possiby give her a break. I think there are just some people (like myself)
who really love babies and love to hold them. I personally see nothing wrong
with having the baby get used to others holding them besides mom.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

[C&J]

WOW..........you read my mind....LOL ;)
Or maybe I just don't have a mind of my own :)

Crystal
38 weeks & counting!!


"Chookie" > wrote in message
...
> This thread is interesting.
>
> 1. I am not at all worried by total strangers admiring my baby. What's
weird
> about that? He IS gorgeous! For another thing, it also shows us that
while
> our society is becoming less child-friendly, not everyone is anti-babies.
I'm
> very happy when people use DS as a conversation-starter -- it's better
than
> eye-rolls and sighs about crying babies. (Just had a conversation today
with
> a new mother who had been subjected to rude behaviour because her baby is
> colicky and cries a lot -- she is feeling very self-conscious about going
out
> with the baby now, which is sad)
>
> 2. IIRC influenza is an *airborne* virus. Unless the baby is a premmie,
I
> see no reason for the paranoia about germs that some people have
displayed.
> Babies NEED exposure to germs!
>
> 3. Fortunately I have the kind of relatives who ask to nurse the baby,
not
> the kind who grab the child out of your arms. However, even the grabby
ones
> can be managed. Expressions like, "Hang on, can you help me with my nappy
bag
> first," "Give me a chance to sit down!" or even "I think she's done a poo"
can
> really slow people down.
>
> --
> Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
> (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)
>
> "Jeez; if only those Ancient Greek storytellers had known about the
astonishing
> creature that is the *Usenet hydra*: you cut off one head, and *a stupider
one*
> grows back..." -- MJ, cam.misc

[Nevermind]

Chookie > wrote in message >...
> This thread is interesting.
>
> 1. I am not at all worried by total strangers admiring my baby. What's weird
> about that? He IS gorgeous! For another thing, it also shows us that while
> our society is becoming less child-friendly, not everyone is anti-babies.

I had my 8 YO and 11 MO out at a Dunkin Donuts shop yesterday because
we had time to kill before a lesson, and I absolutely loved when the
entire group of old people in there (it is a seniors mecca) at one
point came over to admire the baby (and her brother), ask about my
family (what ages are they? had they had flu shots? etc.), and then
share stories about their own kids and grandkids. Noone touched her,
but some got pretty darn close. I am very private and never start
conversations with strangers, but I have had so many people, in
particular older people, start conversations with me about the baby.
It's very nice.

[Cheryl S.]

"Sue" > wrote in message
...
> I do understand that Cheryl is more upset at her relatives
> not respecting the babies feelings,

Yup. :-)

> but at the same time, the relatives were
> probably thinking that they could settle the baby down for Cheryl and
> possiby give her a break.

Ah, hadn't thought of that. Could be, but I am quite sure he would not
have settled down.

> I personally see nothing wrong
> with having the baby get used to others holding them besides mom.

I don't either, as long as the baby is not acting traumatized. He can
get used to other people later. :-)
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

[Chookie]

In article >, Mary Ann Tuli > wrote:

> I believe the original post was not so much about whether people should
> or should not be allowed to hold a young baby, but more a complaint
> about why, when people are told "no" for whatever reason, they persist
> and persist or simply grab the baby. It's an issue of respect IMO.

Of course, but that's where managing people comes in. Anyway, you don't
*have* to let go!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Jeez; if only those Ancient Greek storytellers had known about the astonishing
creature that is the *Usenet hydra*: you cut off one head, and *a stupider one*
grows back..." -- MJ, cam.misc

[Sue]

Sue wrote:
> > but at the same time, the relatives were
> > probably thinking that they could settle the baby down for Cheryl and
> > possiby give her a break.

Cheryl S. > wrote in message

> Ah, hadn't thought of that. Could be, but I am quite sure he would not
> have settled down.

I tend to think that is what is going through the minds of the older people.
Giving mom a break seems important to them and I think they want to feel
wanted or that "they still have it" (lol) by being able to calm a baby.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

[Leslie]

>Giving mom a break seems important to them and I think they want to feel
>wanted or that "they still have it" (lol) by being able to calm a baby.

I think there's a LOT of truth to that. I have seen people who are absolutely
convinced they could calm any crying baby. But when it was my baby, or my
sister's baby, all they really wanted was to nurse! :-)

Leslie