Keeping Toddler in bed

[newfy]

I don't come here with too many problems since they usually manage to
resolve themselves but this one is pushing me to the brink.

Matthew (2y9m) is still in a crib at home in CT, but I'm up here in NH in
our lake house for the summer. It's just he and I during the week, dh comes
on the weekends. He has outgrown/can climb out of the pack 'n play so he's
in a "big" bed with a bedrail.

The problem is that bedtime is getting very difficult. He will get out of
bed up to 15 times before he will stay in. I find myself making threats and
revoking privileges (favorite video, etc.) but obviously these are not
working and it's not what I really want to be doing. I'm just having a block
on what to do.

I've kept our routine the same up here since he is very sensitive to changes
in routine. Bedtime varies somewhat, but not much more than an hour. The
layout of the house is a little tricky too. It's a typical lake cottage with
a family room/kitchen with the bedrooms right off the living area. He can
hear everything that is going on and he knows I'm right there. I try to keep
my activity to a minimum until I know he's asleep, I don't want him to think
anything interesting happens after he goes to bed. TV is off, radio is off.
Usually I just sit and read until he finally falls asleep.

I really need suggestions since I'm finding myself starting to lose my cool
and I don't typically parent that way.

Thanks.

JennP.
mom to matthew 10/11/00

[whatcom]

In article >, newfy.1
@juno.com says...
> I don't come here with too many problems since they usually manage to
> resolve themselves but this one is pushing me to the brink.
>
> <snip>
> I really need suggestions since I'm finding myself starting to lose my cool
> and I don't typically parent that way.

Well he is just testing the his new found freedom.. as anyone naturally
does. What I did with both kids was to put them in bed and have a tea
or fav beverage and a good book and sit down near the bedroom door.
Everytime one of the kids came out of the door. I would just tell them
to go to bed. No other conversation and only I would relent to let them
out for one and I mean one glass of water or if they had to go to the
bathroom. Do not get angry do not laugh just keep your voice even and
tell him it is bedtime and goodnight.
This process took around 2 weeks and I went through at least 2 cups of
tea the first night and I read around 3 books by the end of the 2nd
week.

Good luck.
Jennifer

[Rosalie B.]

x-no-archive:yes
(mountainspring) wrote:

Do you remember the poem "Bed in Summer" by RLS?

In winter I get up at night
And dress by yellow candle-light.
In summer quite the other way,
I have to go to bed by day.


I have to go to bed and see
The birds still hopping on the tree,
Or hear the grown-up people's feet
Still going past me in the street.


And does it not seem hard to you,
When all the sky is clear and blue,
And I should like so much to play,
To have to go to bed by day?


My question is - how dark is the bedroom? People in the north where
the nights are very long in the summer often (I'm told) find
themselves going a long time without wanting to sleep and getting very
little sleep.

How early does he get up? Maybe he's just not tired.

>newfy > wrote:
>
>> I don't come here with too many problems since they usually manage to
>> resolve themselves but this one is pushing me to the brink.
>>
>> Matthew (2y9m) is still in a crib at home in CT, but I'm up here in NH in
>> our lake house for the summer. It's just he and I during the week, dh comes
>> on the weekends. He has outgrown/can climb out of the pack 'n play so he's
>> in a "big" bed with a bedrail.
>>
>> The problem is that bedtime is getting very difficult. He will get out of
>> bed up to 15 times before he will stay in. I find myself making threats and
>> revoking privileges (favorite video, etc.) but obviously these are not
>> working and it's not what I really want to be doing. I'm just having a block
>> on what to do.

Why does he get up? Does he just get out of bed and start to play, or
does he come into the living area? Can you gate him off from the
living area?
>>
>> I've kept our routine the same up here since he is very sensitive to changes
>> in routine. Bedtime varies somewhat, but not much more than an hour. The
>> layout of the house is a little tricky too. It's a typical lake cottage with
>> a family room/kitchen with the bedrooms right off the living area. He can
>> hear everything that is going on and he knows I'm right there. I try to keep
>> my activity to a minimum until I know he's asleep, I don't want him to think
>> anything interesting happens after he goes to bed. TV is off, radio is off.
>> Usually I just sit and read until he finally falls asleep.
>>
If you are just sitting and reading, why not do it in his room.
Otherwise, I would not try to keep him from thinking anything
interesting is going on - particularly the radio. I would think some
noise, especially if he can't really hear it very well would help him
get sleepy. Maybe not TV which he might like to watch but why would
he think radio is interesting?

>> I really need suggestions since I'm finding myself starting to lose my cool
>> and I don't typically parent that way.
>
>Is it really a problem for him to be getting out of bed?? I know it's a
>hassle, but is it possible to just let him be, playing quietly or
>whatever in his room until he falls asleep on his own? My son is about
>a month older than your son and this is what we've been doing with him
>for about the last year, ever since he decided he wanted to move from
>his crib to a bed. Sometimes he falls asleep on the floor, and we move
>him to his bed once he's asleep.
>
>If it really *is* a problem or you're just not willing to let him fall
>asleep in this way, you might try lying down with him on his bed until
>he falls asleep. This is what I do when we're travelling or visiting
>relatives and he's in a room that isn't childproofed. It often takes a
>while--sometimes up to an hour--but almost always works. Your son may
>just be a bit uncomfortable and scared about being in somewhat
>unfamiliar surroundiings along with being in a bed rather than a crib
>and need some extra attention and feelings of security.
>
>
>HTH,
>Kate

grandma Rosalie

[TWilson]

whatcom > wrote in message >...
> In article >, newfy.1
> @juno.com says...
> > I don't come here with too many problems since they usually manage to
> > resolve themselves but this one is pushing me to the brink.
> >
> > <snip>
> > I really need suggestions since I'm finding myself starting to lose my cool
> > and I don't typically parent that way.
>
> Well he is just testing the his new found freedom.. as anyone naturally
> does. What I did with both kids was to put them in bed and have a tea
> or fav beverage and a good book and sit down near the bedroom door.
> Everytime one of the kids came out of the door. I would just tell them
> to go to bed. No other conversation and only I would relent to let them
> out for one and I mean one glass of water or if they had to go to the
> bathroom. Do not get angry do not laugh just keep your voice even and
> tell him it is bedtime and goodnight.
> This process took around 2 weeks and I went through at least 2 cups of
> tea the first night and I read around 3 books by the end of the 2nd
> week.
>
> Good luck.
> Jennifer

Hi, I am a mother of a 6 year old and I had the same problem. A
friend suggested the star reward method. Each night they go to bed
with no fuss they get a star on the calender. After they save up a
set number of stars they get to buy something, Or ask him what toy he
would like to try and earn. Good luck, Tracey.

[Tracey]

newfy wrote:

>
> "mountainspring" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Is it really a problem for him to be getting out of bed?? I know it's a
>> hassle, but is it possible to just let him be, playing quietly or
>> whatever in his room until he falls asleep on his own?
>
> I guess I kind of forgot a little bit of info, he's not staying in his
> room. He opens the door and runs out. Big smile and all. If he was staying
> in his room I wouldn't care at all.

Have you considered using a baby gate in the bedroom doorway? Thats what we
did when my DD wouldn't stay in bed. I put the gate up, and told her that
she could stay anywhere in her room that she wanted. Many nights she fell
asleep in her closet, under her bed, on the floor, etc. IMO, no big deal,
as long as she was asleep. When I was sure that she was sleeping soundly,
I'd move her into her bed for the night (and I'd often find her back on the
floor in the morning).

[Rosalie B.]

x-no-archive:yes
Tracey > wrote:

>newfy wrote:
>
>>
>> "mountainspring" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> Is it really a problem for him to be getting out of bed?? I know it's a
>>> hassle, but is it possible to just let him be, playing quietly or
>>> whatever in his room until he falls asleep on his own?
>>
>> I guess I kind of forgot a little bit of info, he's not staying in his
>> room. He opens the door and runs out. Big smile and all. If he was staying
>> in his room I wouldn't care at all.
>
He's funning you.

There are two approaches you might take.

One is to leave the door open, and keep an eye on him through the door
and verbally reprimand when he gets out of bed (assuming he isn't
toilet trained yet). This will require vigilance for a couple of
nights.

The other is simply to without speaking or acknowledging him or
smiling or looking pleasant put him back into bed, and then leave
without any comment. Again and again until he stays there.

>Have you considered using a baby gate in the bedroom doorway? Thats what we
>did when my DD wouldn't stay in bed. I put the gate up, and told her that
>she could stay anywhere in her room that she wanted. Many nights she fell
>asleep in her closet, under her bed, on the floor, etc. IMO, no big deal,
>as long as she was asleep. When I was sure that she was sleeping soundly,
>I'd move her into her bed for the night (and I'd often find her back on the
>floor in the morning).

grandma Rosalie

[newfy]

"Laurie" > wrote in message
. ..
> I don't know if getting another bed is an option for you, but what if you
go
> pick out a REALLY cool toddler bed for him, like a racecar that he really
> likes, one that you can take home so it won't be a waste of money. I know
a
> lot of people think toddler beds are a waste, but really they're not that
> expensive and if it works, it's worth it. If he really loves the bed, he
may
> stay in it.

Well, that really isn't an option up here since we share the house with my
sil. I can't really go changing furniture arrangements, kwim? Thanks though.

We got Jessica a tent bed, just for play, and she decided
> herself that she wanted to sleep in it. After deciding that it was safe
for
> sleep, we let her; she's slept in it the past 3 nights without a peep. Of
> course ,it's only been a few nights, but so far so good. I'm stunned.
Maybe
> something like that would work for you?

What exactly is a tent bed?

JennP.

[newfy]

"whatcom" > wrote in message
...

> Well he is just testing the his new found freedom.. as anyone naturally
> does.

Oh, I don't doubt that for a moment. It is definitly getting out of control
because up until today he was staying in bed for nap, but just now it took
45 min to keep him in his room (fingers crossed still).

What I did with both kids was to put them in bed and have a tea
> or fav beverage and a good book and sit down near the bedroom door.
> Everytime one of the kids came out of the door. I would just tell them
> to go to bed. No other conversation and only I would relent to let them
> out for one and I mean one glass of water or if they had to go to the
> bathroom. Do not get angry do not laugh just keep your voice even and
> tell him it is bedtime and goodnight.
> This process took around 2 weeks and I went through at least 2 cups of
> tea the first night and I read around 3 books by the end of the 2nd
> week.

Thanks. Anyone want to send me Tim Tams to go with that tea? ;) I will
definitly try that. I know I need to work on keeping my cool. I took the
firm-but-calm voice approach just now for nap. It took a while, but I think
there is a little un-doing to be done before I can expect results.

Honestly, thinking about it all morning, I think that being up here on
perma-vacation you tend to get a little lax with rules and consequences.
Life is a little more relaxed, but a two year old can't handle the sudden
change. I think that is what is happening and I think I need to tighten up a
bit all around. Thanks.

JennP.

[newfy]

"TWilson" > wrote in message
om...
> Hi, I am a mother of a 6 year old and I had the same problem. A
> friend suggested the star reward method. Each night they go to bed
> with no fuss they get a star on the calender. After they save up a
> set number of stars they get to buy something, Or ask him what toy he
> would like to try and earn. Good luck, Tracey.

You know, I thought about a reward system like that, but I really don't
think he's old enough to understand an extended concept like that yet.
Thanks. How old were your kids when you did it with them?

JennP.

[newfy]

"mountainspring" > wrote in message
...
> Can you childproof the door so he can't get out? I'm not sure what
> they're called, but they are ball shaped and go over the doorknob to
> prevent children's small hands from being able to turn the doorknob.

I have thought of that, but I'm afraid it will frighten him. I guess if I
explained what and why we were doing that then maybe he wouldn't be scared
when he couldn't get out. (just angry maybe?)
Has anyone here taken this approach?

> I know exactly what you mean; each time I do this while we're on a trip,
> I worry that I'm going to have to do it when we return home, but for the
> most part that hasn't happened. You may find though that it takes
> significantly less than an hour (its definitely a YMMV matter) and that
> you may only have to do it for a week or two until he starts to feel
> more settled.

Well, we will be going home next week for a few days so I guess I'll see how
he is back in his crib. Maybe he's just not ready for a big bed yet. I wish
I had the option up here but I don't. Thanks.

JennP.

[newfy]

"Rosalie B." > wrote in message
...
> Do you remember the poem "Bed in Summer" by RLS?


I don't think I've ever heard that. Definitly something to consider.

> My question is - how dark is the bedroom? People in the north where
> the nights are very long in the summer often (I'm told) find
> themselves going a long time without wanting to sleep and getting very
> little sleep.

Well, it's pretty darn dark since there are ancient *drapes*, not curtains.
They are pretty much room darkening.

> How early does he get up? Maybe he's just not tired.

Early. Usually around 6:00 am. It's definitly not an issue of not being
tired since yesterday he didn't nap at all and he was yawning his head off.
Actually, yesterday isn't a good example since he was probably over tired.
His typical schedule up here is wake at 6-6:30, go to beach until about
1:00. Have lunch, go down for a nap at 1:30 or so, usually lasts about 2-3
hours. Go back down to the beach for the rest of the afternoon. Dinner
around 6:00 and bed by 8:00. Times are approximate. He is so active down at
the beach that he is usually yawning after dinner.

JennP.

[newfy]

"Rosalie B." > wrote in message
...
>
> First afterthought:
>
> Is he perhaps disorganized by the fact of his dad not being there? If
> you think that may be the case I'd put into the bedroom routine a kind
> of non-story about a little boy staying in a cabin in NH whose father
> visited on weekends

Good idea. Disorganization is probably it since he tends to be sensitive to
routine anyway. I kind of worked in a little story at nap today. Thanks.

JennP.

[newfy]

"Tracey" > wrote in message
digy.com...
> Have you considered using a baby gate in the bedroom doorway? Thats what
we
> did when my DD wouldn't stay in bed. I put the gate up, and told her that
> she could stay anywhere in her room that she wanted. Many nights she fell
> asleep in her closet, under her bed, on the floor, etc. IMO, no big deal,
> as long as she was asleep. When I was sure that she was sleeping soundly,
> I'd move her into her bed for the night (and I'd often find her back on
the
> floor in the morning).

That is a very good idea, and one worth considering however the layout of
this cottage makes it a little difficult since it's basically a square floor
plan with the bedrooms facing directly into the living area. If the gate
were there and he opened the door he would be looking directly at us and
would have no motivation to go to sleep. Thanks.

JennP.

[==Daye==]

On Wed, 16 Jul 2003 13:03:50 -0700, "newfy" >
wrote:

>I have thought of that, but I'm afraid it will frighten him. I guess if I
>explained what and why we were doing that then maybe he wouldn't be scared
>when he couldn't get out. (just angry maybe?)
>Has anyone here taken this approach?

My thought on this was either it would work or you kid would be
even more upset and unwilling to go to bed.

I have heard of people using it and it working. The room was
childproofed though. I have also heard of parents literally
locking kids into their bedrooms until they fell asleep. They
claimed it worked, but I don't think I would lock my kid into her
bedroom from the outside of the door.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au