Help: Problem w/3 yr old...

[Default User]

Friends of mine who refuse to spank their child have a serious problem as
the child will not put her seatbelt on or allow anyone to. She simply hates
seatbelts, so they give in. I told them this could be dangerous. They
explained to her the importance of the seat belt and they are at wits end.

Any possible solutions for them will be welcomed.

Thank you...

[Flash]

"Default User" > wrote in message
...
> Friends of mine who refuse to spank their child have a serious problem as
> the child will not put her seatbelt on or allow anyone to. She simply hates
> seatbelts, so they give in. I told them this could be dangerous. They
> explained to her the importance of the seat belt and they are at wits end.
>
> Any possible solutions for them will be welcomed.
>

Consider spanking as a last resort?

[Catherine Woodgold]

"Flash" ) writes:
> "Default User" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Friends of mine who refuse to spank their child have a serious problem as
>> the child will not put her seatbelt on or allow anyone to. She simply hates
>> seatbelts, so they give in. I told them this could be dangerous. They
>> explained to her the importance of the seat belt and they are at wits end.
>>
>> Any possible solutions for them will be welcomed.

Here's a solution that comes to mind but
which I do not recommend: someone I know's
parents did it to his brother years ago.
You put on the brakes suddenly, enough to
make the child uncomfortably fall out of
his/her seat but not suddenly enough to
seriously hurt the child. I think it's too
hard to get the imppact just right. Besides,
is that really much different from spanking?

Here's another solution that the above solution
brings to mind: Tell the child you're going
to do an experiment. Either put the child in a seat
belt for the experiment, or have the child watch from
a safe place outside the car. Put a watermelon
(or something) on the seat. Put the brakes on
suddenly so the watermelon falls and
breaks. Let the child see the broken watermelon.

You can also get videos of dummies going through
car crashes. I was impressed by those
as a child. Maybe that's when I started wearing
seatbelts without much fuss.

Here's another solution I don't like (but
they might): get a kind of seatbelt that
they can open and close but the child can't.
(safety issues if child needs to get out?)

Another solution: avoid bringing the child
in a car.

Maybe there are picture books about why a
seatbelt is important. I don't remember
seeing any. Hmm.

You can ask why the child doesn't like the seat belt.
If it's uncomfortable, perhaps padding can be
added to it. If the child can't reach
his/her toys, find solutions to this (hang them
within reach; be willing to stop the car on
short notice to fetch things that feel to the floor.)

You can buy the child a new, colourful, more comfortable
booster seat, that raises the child higher for a better
view out the window. You can start insisting on use of the
seatbelt as soon as the new seatbelt starts to be
used. A lot of this sort of problem is
habit and established routine. It helps to
have some clear signal that it's time to
change the routine.

Take the child out with other chiodren who are
used to seat belts, perhaps in other peoples'; cars for
a while. The child may more easily accept other
peoples' rules
for their car. Then after a while perhaps the
rule can be applied in one's own car
(if one avoided using one's own car in the
meantime).

Use busses, bicycles etc.

You can offer to take the child by car only to
places the child wants to go. You can make it
a choice: come (with seat belt) or
don't come. I think it's best to make this
offer calmly, in a tone of voice as if
you don't care which choice the child makes;
it's just a choice being offered, like
chocolate or vanilla ice cream.

You can talk to the child somehow to get the
image into the child's mind
that the seatbelt is like
a hug, like being held by a loving
parent. Tone of voice is crucial here.
You can demonstrate by hugging a teddy bear,
hugging the child, etc.
The way you talk can get the child thinking
of positive images associated with the
word "safe".

You can go on short drives (with the seat
belt), then use a very joyful tone of
voice to say "Everybody take off your seat
belts!" as if that's a fun thing to do.
Getting to take off your own seat belt is
a positive reinforcement.

I think it's important to avoid talking
about the seat belt in an angry tone
of voice. The angry voice can quickly
solidify in the child's mind the image of
the seatbelt as
an imprisonment. spanking would tend
to do the same: make it into a power struggle
and make it even harder for the child to ever
calmly accept the seat belt.

--
Cathy

[LaVonne Carlson]

Why spank her? Put the seat belt on. She's three years old and shouldn't be
in a seatbelt anyway. She should be in a carseat. Tell her it isn't a
choice. Give her the reasons. Refuse to take her anywhere if she tries to get
out of her car seat.

Don't spank, and don't yell. Simply tell here that she cannot ride in the car
until she is in a carseat. And be consistent.

LaVonne

Default User wrote:

> Friends of mine who refuse to spank their child have a serious problem as
> the child will not put her seatbelt on or allow anyone to. She simply hates
> seatbelts, so they give in. I told them this could be dangerous. They
> explained to her the importance of the seat belt and they are at wits end.
>
> Any possible solutions for them will be welcomed.
>
> Thank you...

[nina harris]

whose the boss the three year old or mom and dad? put the seat belt on who
is a three year old to say what is best for her? trust me the three year
isn,t old enought to drive the car parents should be parents. if they want
the child to hug later hug her as she is put in the car seat if she screams
so big deal would mom like to hear the scream or see the child in intensive
care not saying a word? god only loaned her for a while take care of her
trust your self as a parent.
Flash wrote in message ...
>
>"Default User" > wrote in message
...
>> Friends of mine who refuse to spank their child have a serious problem as
>> the child will not put her seatbelt on or allow anyone to. She simply
hates
>> seatbelts, so they give in. I told them this could be dangerous. They
>> explained to her the importance of the seat belt and they are at wits
end.
>>
>> Any possible solutions for them will be welcomed.
>>
>
>Consider spanking as a last resort?
>
>
>
>

[LaVonne Carlson]

Trust yourself as a parent, Nina, but also listen to your children. Just
because you have rules and guidelines to keep your children safe does not mean
that you do not have the obligation to try to see things from your children's
point of view, or to explain why you have the expectations that you do. This
is how children learn, Nina.

Do you want your child to only wear the seatbelt because it is your rule, and
when she is a teenager and in cars where you are not present, neglect to wear
the seatbelt because you are not there to enforce the rule? Or do you want her
to make a conscious decision to wear a seatbelt when she is older and not with
you because you have taught her why seatbelts are important, and how to be
safe? If you want the latter, please give her reasons. This doesn't mean you
allow her to ride without a seatbelt, but it means that along with requiring
her to be in a seatbelt you are teaching her how to be safe.

LaVonne

nina harris wrote:

> whose the boss the three year old or mom and dad? put the seat belt on who
> is a three year old to say what is best for her? trust me the three year
> isn,t old enought to drive the car parents should be parents. if they want
> the child to hug later hug her as she is put in the car seat if she screams
> so big deal would mom like to hear the scream or see the child in intensive
> care not saying a word? god only loaned her for a while take care of her
> trust your self as a parent.
> Flash wrote in message ...
> >
> >"Default User" > wrote in message
> ...
> >> Friends of mine who refuse to spank their child have a serious problem as
> >> the child will not put her seatbelt on or allow anyone to. She simply
> hates
> >> seatbelts, so they give in. I told them this could be dangerous. They
> >> explained to her the importance of the seat belt and they are at wits
> end.
> >>
> >> Any possible solutions for them will be welcomed.
> >>
> >
> >Consider spanking as a last resort?
> >
> >
> >
> >