How am I supposed to do this?

[Marie]

I don't think I've been this close to the end of my rope since the boys were
in hospital. I feel like I must be the world's most incompetent mother.

I can't handle being in the house alone with the boys. If I don't have
another adult with me to help me, the boys start crying, won't be comforted,
and things progress quickly from bad to worse. The only solution I've found
is getting us out of the house. We drive, or walk around shopping malls,
anything that keeps us moving.

I think I've memorized every store in every mall within a 50km radius of our
house. I've clocked more miles on our car than I would have imagined
possible. Meanwhile, the laundry is piled high, the dishes aren't done, the
dog's being ignored and the cats have been completely abandoned. And I'm
tired--walking around shopping malls all day is no fun (especially as I
can't afford to buy anything).

But if we go home, the boys start crying almost immediately.

We have swings at home, but it's not enough movement for the boys--they want
to be *going* places.

I am so tired.

And my husband found out today that he's going to have to work 12hr shifts
next week. Where are we supposed to go at 6:15 in the morning when my
husband leaves us alone?

Marie
Chris and Alex--born 04/23/03 at 31wks gestational :-)
Meet the Kidlets at http://ca.f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/mmcw2

[GwenO MS]

Aha! The boys are maturing and now have minds of their own... they know what
they like and don't like, and they are starting to let you know. The first
thing I can tell you is that my daughter (who now has 2-1/2 year old boys) felt
like you, and the pediatrician gave her wonderful advice: You are not going to
be the perfect mother, you just want to survive.
That means that laundry and dishes can pile up, that the kids won't always BOTH
be happy, and the other thing she said to my daughter was, "when they cry, they
are expressing their opinions."
So... if they aren't happy when they aren't out shopping, so be it. Expressing
opinions of dismay isn't the end of the world!
Does being in the house mean that you have to do laundry and dishes -- maybe
you should think of some new things to do -- like gating off a room, getting on
the floor with the boys, put in a Wiggles or Sesame Tape and sing at the top of
your lungs!
It seems that they are only 6 months old, so for you to let THEM take charge at
this point might be a mistake down the line! Perhaps what they want is not so
much to be riding along in the car or stroller at the mall, but to be
stimulated... I'm sure some other moms and dads and grandparents will offer
ideas to you.
Gwen (MomMom to two sets of ID twins)

[GwenO MS]

Aha! The boys are maturing and now have minds of their own... they know what
they like and don't like, and they are starting to let you know. The first
thing I can tell you is that my daughter (who now has 2-1/2 year old boys) felt
like you, and the pediatrician gave her wonderful advice: You are not going to
be the perfect mother, you just want to survive.
That means that laundry and dishes can pile up, that the kids won't always BOTH
be happy, and the other thing she said to my daughter was, "when they cry, they
are expressing their opinions."
So... if they aren't happy when they aren't out shopping, so be it. Expressing
opinions of dismay isn't the end of the world!
Does being in the house mean that you have to do laundry and dishes -- maybe
you should think of some new things to do -- like gating off a room, getting on
the floor with the boys, put in a Wiggles or Sesame Tape and sing at the top of
your lungs!
It seems that they are only 6 months old, so for you to let THEM take charge at
this point might be a mistake down the line! Perhaps what they want is not so
much to be riding along in the car or stroller at the mall, but to be
stimulated... I'm sure some other moms and dads and grandparents will offer
ideas to you.
Gwen (MomMom to two sets of ID twins)

[Rhiann1048]

>Subject: How am I supposed to do this?
>From: "Marie"
>Date: Mon, Sep 29, 2003 5:04 PM
>Message-id: .rogers.com>
>
>I don't think I've been this close to the end of my rope since the boys
>were
>in hospital. I feel like I must be the world's most incompetent mother.

Some babies just don't have easy temperaments and it has *nothing* to do with
you! What you describe sounds a lot like colic. But at 5 months they should
be passed that point. Unless that adjusted age thing comes into play. Have you
talked to your doctor about this at all?

My girls were also pretty restless at this age. A few things that did buy me
some time here and there were the symphony gym, their vibrating bouncy seats,
and *especially* excersaucers. They never liked the swing much either.

I know how frustrating it is when they are both crying and you are there alone.
Just do the best you can. Unless the laundry and dishes are piling up to the
level where you are running out of things, let it go. Maybe have dh put a load
in the dishwasher & washer before he goes to work every morning. I never
bothered to fold anything for the kids because it was a waste of time.

As for where to go in the morning. I don't know what the climate is like where
you are so I don't know if walking outside is practical. Grocery stores should
be open that early. Or just grab some favorite CDs, pick up something at
Starbucks, and drive.

I know it seems like forever away-- but once they are able to sit up
unassisted and later are mobile things should get easier.

Good luck!

Lori

[Rhiann1048]

>Subject: How am I supposed to do this?
>From: "Marie"
>Date: Mon, Sep 29, 2003 5:04 PM
>Message-id: .rogers.com>
>
>I don't think I've been this close to the end of my rope since the boys
>were
>in hospital. I feel like I must be the world's most incompetent mother.

Some babies just don't have easy temperaments and it has *nothing* to do with
you! What you describe sounds a lot like colic. But at 5 months they should
be passed that point. Unless that adjusted age thing comes into play. Have you
talked to your doctor about this at all?

My girls were also pretty restless at this age. A few things that did buy me
some time here and there were the symphony gym, their vibrating bouncy seats,
and *especially* excersaucers. They never liked the swing much either.

I know how frustrating it is when they are both crying and you are there alone.
Just do the best you can. Unless the laundry and dishes are piling up to the
level where you are running out of things, let it go. Maybe have dh put a load
in the dishwasher & washer before he goes to work every morning. I never
bothered to fold anything for the kids because it was a waste of time.

As for where to go in the morning. I don't know what the climate is like where
you are so I don't know if walking outside is practical. Grocery stores should
be open that early. Or just grab some favorite CDs, pick up something at
Starbucks, and drive.

I know it seems like forever away-- but once they are able to sit up
unassisted and later are mobile things should get easier.

Good luck!

Lori

[David desJardins]

Marie writes:
> I don't think I've been this close to the end of my rope since the
> boys were in hospital. I feel like I must be the world's most
> incompetent mother.
>
> I can't handle being in the house alone with the boys. If I don't
> have another adult with me to help me, the boys start crying, won't be
> comforted, and things progress quickly from bad to worse.

What do you mean "from bad to worse"? What's worse than crying? It
seems that all they can do at 5 months is cry. They won't cry forever;
at worst, eventually they will get tired.

Some infants cry a lot. If you are doing the best you can, and they are
still crying, well, I don't think it's your obligation to do more than
you can do.

> The only solution I've found is getting us out of the house. We
> drive, or walk around shopping malls, anything that keeps us moving.

I think it's awfully nice to just take the stroller out for walks in
your own neighborhood. It always seemed a lot easier, to me, than
getting in the car. And being near home means you don't have to take so
much with you. Is there a reason you have to be indoors?

David desJardins

[David desJardins]

Marie writes:
> I don't think I've been this close to the end of my rope since the
> boys were in hospital. I feel like I must be the world's most
> incompetent mother.
>
> I can't handle being in the house alone with the boys. If I don't
> have another adult with me to help me, the boys start crying, won't be
> comforted, and things progress quickly from bad to worse.

What do you mean "from bad to worse"? What's worse than crying? It
seems that all they can do at 5 months is cry. They won't cry forever;
at worst, eventually they will get tired.

Some infants cry a lot. If you are doing the best you can, and they are
still crying, well, I don't think it's your obligation to do more than
you can do.

> The only solution I've found is getting us out of the house. We
> drive, or walk around shopping malls, anything that keeps us moving.

I think it's awfully nice to just take the stroller out for walks in
your own neighborhood. It always seemed a lot easier, to me, than
getting in the car. And being near home means you don't have to take so
much with you. Is there a reason you have to be indoors?

David desJardins