Kane
August 27th 03, 04:20 PM
On Wed, 27 Aug 2003 13:01:59 GMT, "Ron" >
wrote:
What is most interesting about this Ron, is that it is, as you know,
not the exception, but is repeated in its many variations by foster
parents and the courts over and over again.
Fosters are trained to let go and even assist with reuniting, and
often work directly with the natural parent or parents or the extended
family to effect that goal.
It's one of the main reasons I have such a high regard for foster
parents generally. They do it even when it hurts. And take justifiable
pride in their part in helping families and children.
Of course there is always the "get rich quick factor" (R R R R R)
Best. Kane
>Safe in the arms of love
>
>BY TODD COOPER
>
>WORLD-HERALD STAFF WRITER
>
>It took a judge's declaration Monday to make official what was in a
little
>girl's mind all along.
>
>Little Rose Flynn - who was beaten and neglected so badly that part
of her
>nose was eaten away - officially has new parents, a new name and a
new life.
>
>With the slap of a gavel, Pottawattamie County District Judge Charles
Smith
>proclaimed Dan and Paula Christensen parents of Ayrissa Rose
Christensen.
>
>But in Ayrissa's chocolate eyes, Paula and Dan had always been Mom
and Dad.
>
>They had been so since her birth almost three years ago, when she was
taken
>from her birth mom, Sally Flynn, because Sally was on drugs.
>
>They were Mom and Dad until she was 15 months old, when Sally and
Kevin
>Flynn decided they wanted their daughter back.
>
>And Dan and Paula were Mom and Dad when she returned to their Council
Bluffs
>home after five months with the Flynns - unable to walk and barely
able to
>talk because of the abuse.
>
>"It's been so long," Paula said Monday after finalizing Ayrissa's
adoption.
>"So long."
>
>In her 10 years as a foster parent, Paula Christensen figures she has
cared
>for more than 150 children.
>
>"I have a list this long of kids I wanted to adopt," she says,
holding her
>hands about 18 inches apart.
>
>"But you realize, you give them the best that you can give them while
>they're here - and then you have to let go."
>
>Still, something was different about this baby named Rose. Maybe it
was
>because Paula and Dan, a former priest turned computer professor, had
cared
>for her since her birth. Maybe it was because they were told her
parents had
>abandoned her.
>
>Whatever the case, when Rose was 6 months old, Paula told a
caseworker: "I
>want this baby."
>
>"Usually, you keep your mind trained to, 'We're trying to reunite.
We're
>trying to reunite,'" Paula said. "You don't go past that point of no
return.
>But that's what we did with Rose."
>
>It wasn't until April 2001, when Rose was 7 months old, that Kevin
and Sally
>Flynn initiated contact with her and began the court process of
trying to
>get their youngest daughter back. They started with phone calls, then
with
>brief visits. Then they took Rose for overnight stays in their Omaha
>apartment.
>
>On Christmas Eve 2001, the Christensens invited the Flynns and their
four
>other girls for dinner and presents.
>
>"They were very congenial," Dan said. "We had a nice Christmas. But,
you
>know, they had manipulated the system. And they were further
manipulating
>us."
>
>Paula noticed something else. Though the Flynns were there for six
hours,
>they never once changed Rose's diaper.
>
>"There were red flags," she said. "But there wasn't anything overt,
anything
>that a judge could point to to terminate their parental rights."
>
>* * *
>
>
>
>By February 2002, a judge had handed Rose back to the Flynns. And
though
>they promised to keep in contact, they wouldn't answer the
Christensens'
>calls.
>
>Then the Flynns' phone was disconnected, causing Dan and Paula to
believe
>they had moved. "I was devastated," Paula said. "It was one of the
most
>painful things in my life."
>
>Though they had been conditioned to let go, they couldn't. Dan dreamt
one
>night that he was holding Rose in his arms. He woke up and told
Paula.
>Together, they wept.
>
>One day in June 2002, Paula returned home from a garage sale with a
bright
>pink sweater, size 24 months.
>
>"I know it's dumb," she told Dan, "but I bought it for Rose."
>
>The next day, Omaha police and foster care investigators pulled Rose
from
>the Flynns' care. She had dropped a third of her body weight in the
five
>months she had been with them.
>
>* * *
>
>
>
>Paula found out about Rose's removal by chance, as she was dropping
off
>another foster child's belongings.
>
>"Did you hear?" a worker asked Paula. "They pulled Rose. She's at a
foster
>home in Nebraska."
>
>Paula's heart pounded.
>
>"I said, 'You're kidding! Where?' He said, 'I can't tell you.' I
said, 'Is
>she all right?' He kept saying, 'She's safe. She's safe.' I said, 'I
have to
>see her.'"
>
>Investigators in Nebraska were trying to find the Christensens - to
>determine whether any of Rose's numerous injuries were from birth.
>
>Meanwhile, Dan e-mailed Iowa Gov. Tom Vilsack, detailing Rose's story
and
>urging him to expedite the interstate compact allowing a child to
cross
>state lines.
>
>The process can take three to six months. In this case, it took less
than
>three weeks.
>
>* * *
>
>
>
>On July 3, 2002, Dan and Paula paced their sidewalk, camera in hand.
>Ayrissa - they had long ago decided to change her name - was two
hours late.
>
>No matter. When she arrived, they ran to the minivan. Dan opened up
the back
>door and took her in his arms.
>
>Paula snapped a picture of the moment. In it, Ayrissa is slumped on
Dan's
>shoulder, her cheek pressed into his neck, her arm dangling like a
child who
>just awoke from a long nap.
>
>Or nightmare.
>
>Dan has a title for the picture. "Home . . . at Last."
>
>* * *
>
>
>
>Omaha attorney Tom Harmon has advocated for dozens of children in his
15
>years as a guardian ad litem. But he said he had never encountered
anything
>like Rose's case.
>
>Harmon said the photos of Rose in June 2002 were worse than any
autopsy
>photos he had seen. Her back and stomach were covered with long, dark
hair -
>her body's attempt to stave off the cold caused by malnutrition. Her
>buttocks were covered with ulcers from diaper rash. And her nose was
eaten
>away.
>
>Now, the wound to her nose is barely noticeable. She looks like she
has a
>pug nose with a slight scar under the tip.
>
>That's where the cartilage between her nostrils was separated from
her face.
>A doctor determined that the separation was consistent with someone
>repeatedly jamming her nose with an open palm, Harmon said.
>
>Her most noticeable scars are elsewhere: a scar on her left arm from
where
>officials believe she was strapped for hours to a high chair by a
dish
>towel; on her legs, from where officials think the Flynns snuffed
their
>cigarettes; and on her buttocks, from severe diaper rash.
>
>Then there are the psychological scars.
>
>Ayrissa hates anything that confines her - from the high chair to the
car
>seat. In fact, Dan and Paula have had to delay plastic surgery on her
nose
>for fear that she would panic if her arms were restrained after
surgery.
>
>She can't stand it when anyone fights or argues. And, because of the
hours
>she spent in a closet alone, she hates the dark. She sleeps between
Mom and
>Dad, occasionally crying out. "'We just grab her and say, 'You're
safe -
>nobody's going to hurt you anymore,'" Paula says.
>
>Harmon said therapists don't know what long-term effects Ayrissa will
>suffer. There have been no signs of a detachment disorder - a serious
>psychological condition that requires years of treatment.
>
>"She is one of the most resilient kids I've ever been around," Harmon
said.
>"The first time I saw her, she ran to me, jumped in my lap and sat
there for
>a half hour. That says a tremendous lot for a little girl who really
should
>have no faith in any other human being."
>
>* * *
>
>Ayrissa brings Paula three ceramic dolls. Cupping them in her hands,
Paula
>lets out a hearty "Thank you!"
>
>"Shhhh," Ayrissa interrupts, pressing her chubby finger to her lips.
"Babies
>sleeping."
>
>Bubbly and constantly busy, Ayrissa loves to play with Clifford the
dog and
>Lala the Teletubby. She plays house with Mom, feeding Froot Loops to
her
>dolls. Dad tickles her until she squeals. And she occasionally locks
both
>out of the house, giggling until Dad counts to 10 and the fun is
over.
>
>In effect, she does all the things any toddler does.
>
>She doesn't ask about her birth parents, who are serving 8 to 10
years in
>prison for felony child abuse. And she doesn't see her four sisters,
who
>would sneak food to her. They're living out of state with an aunt.
"They
>didn't have a bond," Paula said.
>
>The bond between Ayrissa and the Christensens is abundantly clear.
>
>"She is the child she is today because of the care and compassion she
>received from Dan and Paula," Harmon said. "They have given this
child just
>unquestioned love and affection. It's truly remarkable."
>
>Even more remarkable, Dan and Paula say, is Ayrissa's zest for life.
It's
>what has kept them from being consumed by rage at the Flynns. It's
what has
>led them to receive dozens of letters and e-mails - support for which
they
>say they are forever grateful. And it's what has given them the
energy to
>care for a little girl, even as they enter their mid-50s.
>
>"I'm telling you - it was all part of God's divine plan," Paula said.
>"There's no other way to explain it.
>
>"There was a bond there. And that bond could not be broken."
>
>
>
>
wrote:
What is most interesting about this Ron, is that it is, as you know,
not the exception, but is repeated in its many variations by foster
parents and the courts over and over again.
Fosters are trained to let go and even assist with reuniting, and
often work directly with the natural parent or parents or the extended
family to effect that goal.
It's one of the main reasons I have such a high regard for foster
parents generally. They do it even when it hurts. And take justifiable
pride in their part in helping families and children.
Of course there is always the "get rich quick factor" (R R R R R)
Best. Kane
>Safe in the arms of love
>
>BY TODD COOPER
>
>WORLD-HERALD STAFF WRITER
>
>It took a judge's declaration Monday to make official what was in a
little
>girl's mind all along.
>
>Little Rose Flynn - who was beaten and neglected so badly that part
of her
>nose was eaten away - officially has new parents, a new name and a
new life.
>
>With the slap of a gavel, Pottawattamie County District Judge Charles
Smith
>proclaimed Dan and Paula Christensen parents of Ayrissa Rose
Christensen.
>
>But in Ayrissa's chocolate eyes, Paula and Dan had always been Mom
and Dad.
>
>They had been so since her birth almost three years ago, when she was
taken
>from her birth mom, Sally Flynn, because Sally was on drugs.
>
>They were Mom and Dad until she was 15 months old, when Sally and
Kevin
>Flynn decided they wanted their daughter back.
>
>And Dan and Paula were Mom and Dad when she returned to their Council
Bluffs
>home after five months with the Flynns - unable to walk and barely
able to
>talk because of the abuse.
>
>"It's been so long," Paula said Monday after finalizing Ayrissa's
adoption.
>"So long."
>
>In her 10 years as a foster parent, Paula Christensen figures she has
cared
>for more than 150 children.
>
>"I have a list this long of kids I wanted to adopt," she says,
holding her
>hands about 18 inches apart.
>
>"But you realize, you give them the best that you can give them while
>they're here - and then you have to let go."
>
>Still, something was different about this baby named Rose. Maybe it
was
>because Paula and Dan, a former priest turned computer professor, had
cared
>for her since her birth. Maybe it was because they were told her
parents had
>abandoned her.
>
>Whatever the case, when Rose was 6 months old, Paula told a
caseworker: "I
>want this baby."
>
>"Usually, you keep your mind trained to, 'We're trying to reunite.
We're
>trying to reunite,'" Paula said. "You don't go past that point of no
return.
>But that's what we did with Rose."
>
>It wasn't until April 2001, when Rose was 7 months old, that Kevin
and Sally
>Flynn initiated contact with her and began the court process of
trying to
>get their youngest daughter back. They started with phone calls, then
with
>brief visits. Then they took Rose for overnight stays in their Omaha
>apartment.
>
>On Christmas Eve 2001, the Christensens invited the Flynns and their
four
>other girls for dinner and presents.
>
>"They were very congenial," Dan said. "We had a nice Christmas. But,
you
>know, they had manipulated the system. And they were further
manipulating
>us."
>
>Paula noticed something else. Though the Flynns were there for six
hours,
>they never once changed Rose's diaper.
>
>"There were red flags," she said. "But there wasn't anything overt,
anything
>that a judge could point to to terminate their parental rights."
>
>* * *
>
>
>
>By February 2002, a judge had handed Rose back to the Flynns. And
though
>they promised to keep in contact, they wouldn't answer the
Christensens'
>calls.
>
>Then the Flynns' phone was disconnected, causing Dan and Paula to
believe
>they had moved. "I was devastated," Paula said. "It was one of the
most
>painful things in my life."
>
>Though they had been conditioned to let go, they couldn't. Dan dreamt
one
>night that he was holding Rose in his arms. He woke up and told
Paula.
>Together, they wept.
>
>One day in June 2002, Paula returned home from a garage sale with a
bright
>pink sweater, size 24 months.
>
>"I know it's dumb," she told Dan, "but I bought it for Rose."
>
>The next day, Omaha police and foster care investigators pulled Rose
from
>the Flynns' care. She had dropped a third of her body weight in the
five
>months she had been with them.
>
>* * *
>
>
>
>Paula found out about Rose's removal by chance, as she was dropping
off
>another foster child's belongings.
>
>"Did you hear?" a worker asked Paula. "They pulled Rose. She's at a
foster
>home in Nebraska."
>
>Paula's heart pounded.
>
>"I said, 'You're kidding! Where?' He said, 'I can't tell you.' I
said, 'Is
>she all right?' He kept saying, 'She's safe. She's safe.' I said, 'I
have to
>see her.'"
>
>Investigators in Nebraska were trying to find the Christensens - to
>determine whether any of Rose's numerous injuries were from birth.
>
>Meanwhile, Dan e-mailed Iowa Gov. Tom Vilsack, detailing Rose's story
and
>urging him to expedite the interstate compact allowing a child to
cross
>state lines.
>
>The process can take three to six months. In this case, it took less
than
>three weeks.
>
>* * *
>
>
>
>On July 3, 2002, Dan and Paula paced their sidewalk, camera in hand.
>Ayrissa - they had long ago decided to change her name - was two
hours late.
>
>No matter. When she arrived, they ran to the minivan. Dan opened up
the back
>door and took her in his arms.
>
>Paula snapped a picture of the moment. In it, Ayrissa is slumped on
Dan's
>shoulder, her cheek pressed into his neck, her arm dangling like a
child who
>just awoke from a long nap.
>
>Or nightmare.
>
>Dan has a title for the picture. "Home . . . at Last."
>
>* * *
>
>
>
>Omaha attorney Tom Harmon has advocated for dozens of children in his
15
>years as a guardian ad litem. But he said he had never encountered
anything
>like Rose's case.
>
>Harmon said the photos of Rose in June 2002 were worse than any
autopsy
>photos he had seen. Her back and stomach were covered with long, dark
hair -
>her body's attempt to stave off the cold caused by malnutrition. Her
>buttocks were covered with ulcers from diaper rash. And her nose was
eaten
>away.
>
>Now, the wound to her nose is barely noticeable. She looks like she
has a
>pug nose with a slight scar under the tip.
>
>That's where the cartilage between her nostrils was separated from
her face.
>A doctor determined that the separation was consistent with someone
>repeatedly jamming her nose with an open palm, Harmon said.
>
>Her most noticeable scars are elsewhere: a scar on her left arm from
where
>officials believe she was strapped for hours to a high chair by a
dish
>towel; on her legs, from where officials think the Flynns snuffed
their
>cigarettes; and on her buttocks, from severe diaper rash.
>
>Then there are the psychological scars.
>
>Ayrissa hates anything that confines her - from the high chair to the
car
>seat. In fact, Dan and Paula have had to delay plastic surgery on her
nose
>for fear that she would panic if her arms were restrained after
surgery.
>
>She can't stand it when anyone fights or argues. And, because of the
hours
>she spent in a closet alone, she hates the dark. She sleeps between
Mom and
>Dad, occasionally crying out. "'We just grab her and say, 'You're
safe -
>nobody's going to hurt you anymore,'" Paula says.
>
>Harmon said therapists don't know what long-term effects Ayrissa will
>suffer. There have been no signs of a detachment disorder - a serious
>psychological condition that requires years of treatment.
>
>"She is one of the most resilient kids I've ever been around," Harmon
said.
>"The first time I saw her, she ran to me, jumped in my lap and sat
there for
>a half hour. That says a tremendous lot for a little girl who really
should
>have no faith in any other human being."
>
>* * *
>
>Ayrissa brings Paula three ceramic dolls. Cupping them in her hands,
Paula
>lets out a hearty "Thank you!"
>
>"Shhhh," Ayrissa interrupts, pressing her chubby finger to her lips.
"Babies
>sleeping."
>
>Bubbly and constantly busy, Ayrissa loves to play with Clifford the
dog and
>Lala the Teletubby. She plays house with Mom, feeding Froot Loops to
her
>dolls. Dad tickles her until she squeals. And she occasionally locks
both
>out of the house, giggling until Dad counts to 10 and the fun is
over.
>
>In effect, she does all the things any toddler does.
>
>She doesn't ask about her birth parents, who are serving 8 to 10
years in
>prison for felony child abuse. And she doesn't see her four sisters,
who
>would sneak food to her. They're living out of state with an aunt.
"They
>didn't have a bond," Paula said.
>
>The bond between Ayrissa and the Christensens is abundantly clear.
>
>"She is the child she is today because of the care and compassion she
>received from Dan and Paula," Harmon said. "They have given this
child just
>unquestioned love and affection. It's truly remarkable."
>
>Even more remarkable, Dan and Paula say, is Ayrissa's zest for life.
It's
>what has kept them from being consumed by rage at the Flynns. It's
what has
>led them to receive dozens of letters and e-mails - support for which
they
>say they are forever grateful. And it's what has given them the
energy to
>care for a little girl, even as they enter their mid-50s.
>
>"I'm telling you - it was all part of God's divine plan," Paula said.
>"There's no other way to explain it.
>
>"There was a bond there. And that bond could not be broken."
>
>
>
>