October 21st 03, 03:22 PM
----- TOP EIGHT MORONS OF THE YEAR
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
Intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman, who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
beside them in the police line, shouting "Please ... Come out and give
yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, where
the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man in the lineup to repeat the words "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a
thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to
keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. AND THE GRAND FINALE................. Last summer, down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield,
California, some folks, new to boating, were having problems. No
matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new
22 ft going properly. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver,
no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to
make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there
could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed
everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the
outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped into the water to check underneath,
he came up choking on water, because he was laughing so hard. NOW
REMEMBER. THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in
place, was the trailer ...
~ If you can't run with the big dogs, stay under the porch...~
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
Intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman, who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
beside them in the police line, shouting "Please ... Come out and give
yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, where
the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man in the lineup to repeat the words "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a
thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to
keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. AND THE GRAND FINALE................. Last summer, down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield,
California, some folks, new to boating, were having problems. No
matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new
22 ft going properly. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver,
no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to
make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there
could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed
everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the
outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped into the water to check underneath,
he came up choking on water, because he was laughing so hard. NOW
REMEMBER. THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in
place, was the trailer ...
~ If you can't run with the big dogs, stay under the porch...~