Sigh..vent ..you've been warned.

[turtledove]

Like I mentioned in a previous post.

Today is my DS's birthday. I have heard absolutely nothing from anyone on
his dad's side of the family. Which is especially sad, because one of his
first cousins has the same birthday...so it isn't likely they forgot it.
They simply chose not to recognize it this year. Every other year his cousin
and him have a combined party at their grandmother's (my son's paternal
grandmother....aka his dad's mom)

His Bio-Dad didn't even call. NOTHING. And this is the asshole that we
sent care packages to while he was at war. This is the asshole who I tried
to establish a relationship with his wife so that my son could know his
half-brothers. This is the family that couldn't even tell us that he came
home safely from Kuwait... I had to send an endless stream of emails until
they got so fed up they replied.

How the f&*% do you leave a child out in the cold and not acknowledge them
at all? How??

That's okay though, he had a great day. We celebrated with a small party
with his friends yesterday (Incredible Hulk Cake, pool, water guns). Today
he tested for his Red Belt in Tae Kwon Doe (and got it) and went out to
lunch at a restaurant where they brought him a cake and all the
waiter(s)/watiress(es) sang Happy Birthday to him. Tomorrow his Step-dad is
taking him to Wet N Wild for the day. (He's so excited!!!). Oh yeah, and
he also got to go shopping for toys with the Birthday money he got from my
family. He's currently playing with his new bionicle and GI Joe Ninja (and
not the Matrix game he got...go figure!)

For all those that think children need or want money (aka child support)
they don't. They want a relationship. I'm just blessed that my son has a
relationship with his Step-Dad that is as close as it is. If you didn't
know them, you'd swear they were biological. Too similar. As my hubby says
to his friends "Now I have someone my own age to play with". :-)! We're so
blessed.

okay...i'm done venting.....

much love and friendship,
*bri

[Betsy]

In . com,
turtledove > typed:
> Like I mentioned in a previous post.
>
> Today is my DS's birthday. I have heard absolutely nothing from
> anyone on his dad's side of the family. Which is especially sad,
> because one of his first cousins has the same birthday...so it isn't
> likely they forgot it. They simply chose not to recognize it this
> year. Every other year his cousin and him have a combined party at
> their grandmother's (my son's paternal grandmother....aka his dad's
> mom)
>
> His Bio-Dad didn't even call. NOTHING. And this is the asshole that
> we sent care packages to while he was at war. This is the asshole who
> I tried to establish a relationship with his wife so that my son
> could know his half-brothers. This is the family that couldn't even
> tell us that he came home safely from Kuwait... I had to send an
> endless stream of emails until they got so fed up they replied.
>
> How the f&*% do you leave a child out in the cold and not acknowledge
> them at all? How??
>
> That's okay though, he had a great day. We celebrated with a small
> party with his friends yesterday (Incredible Hulk Cake, pool, water
> guns). Today he tested for his Red Belt in Tae Kwon Doe (and got it)
> and went out to lunch at a restaurant where they brought him a cake
> and all the waiter(s)/watiress(es) sang Happy Birthday to him.
> Tomorrow his Step-dad is taking him to Wet N Wild for the day. (He's
> so excited!!!). Oh yeah, and he also got to go shopping for toys
> with the Birthday money he got from my family. He's currently
> playing with his new bionicle and GI Joe Ninja (and not the Matrix
> game he got...go figure!)
>
> For all those that think children need or want money (aka child
> support) they don't. They want a relationship. I'm just blessed
> that my son has a relationship with his Step-Dad that is as close as
> it is. If you didn't know them, you'd swear they were biological.
> Too similar. As my hubby says to his friends "Now I have someone my
> own age to play with". :-)! We're so blessed.
>
> okay...i'm done venting.....
>
> much love and friendship,
> *bri


Wishing your son a Happy Birthday! Not much else I can say on this subject.
It's a sore spot for me as well.

Betsy
--
Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with
ketchup.

[CME]

"turtledove" > wrote in message
. com...
> Like I mentioned in a previous post.
>
> Today is my DS's birthday. I have heard absolutely nothing from anyone on
> his dad's side of the family. Which is especially sad, because one of his
> first cousins has the same birthday...so it isn't likely they forgot it.
> They simply chose not to recognize it this year. Every other year his
cousin
> and him have a combined party at their grandmother's (my son's paternal
> grandmother....aka his dad's mom)
>
> His Bio-Dad didn't even call. NOTHING. And this is the asshole that we
> sent care packages to while he was at war. This is the asshole who I tried
> to establish a relationship with his wife so that my son could know his
> half-brothers. This is the family that couldn't even tell us that he came
> home safely from Kuwait... I had to send an endless stream of emails until
> they got so fed up they replied.
>
> How the f&*% do you leave a child out in the cold and not acknowledge them
> at all? How??
>

Oh Bri, I'm so sorry. How is your son handling it? Has he said anything to
you? Errr that makes me sooo angry, that his own father would do that to
him.

> That's okay though, he had a great day. We celebrated with a small party
> with his friends yesterday (Incredible Hulk Cake, pool, water guns).
Today
> he tested for his Red Belt in Tae Kwon Doe (and got it) and went out to
> lunch at a restaurant where they brought him a cake and all the
> waiter(s)/watiress(es) sang Happy Birthday to him. Tomorrow his Step-dad
is
> taking him to Wet N Wild for the day. (He's so excited!!!). Oh yeah, and
> he also got to go shopping for toys with the Birthday money he got from my
> family. He's currently playing with his new bionicle and GI Joe Ninja
(and
> not the Matrix game he got...go figure!)
>
> For all those that think children need or want money (aka child support)
> they don't. They want a relationship. I'm just blessed that my son has a
> relationship with his Step-Dad that is as close as it is. If you didn't
> know them, you'd swear they were biological. Too similar. As my hubby
says
> to his friends "Now I have someone my own age to play with". :-)! We're
so
> blessed.
>

Good, I'm glad that he has him in his life, it's so important for a kid to
feel loved.

> okay...i'm done venting.....
>

Hey, anytime.

Christine

> much love and friendship,
> *bri

turtledove wrote:
> Like I mentioned in a previous post.
>
> Today is my DS's birthday.

Happy Birthday Brianne's son!

I have heard absolutely nothing from
> anyone on his dad's side of the family. Which is especially sad,
> because one of his first cousins has the same birthday...so it isn't
> likely they forgot it. They simply chose not to recognize it this
> year. Every other year his cousin and him have a combined party at
> their grandmother's (my son's paternal grandmother....aka his dad's
> mom)

Shame on that family, they will live to regret this one day.

> His Bio-Dad didn't even call. NOTHING. And this is the asshole that
> we sent care packages to while he was at war. This is the asshole who
> I tried to establish a relationship with his wife so that my son
> could know his half-brothers. This is the family that couldn't even
> tell us that he came home safely from Kuwait... I had to send an
> endless stream of emails until they got so fed up they replied.
>
> How the f&*% do you leave a child out in the cold and not acknowledge
> them at all? How??

What bothers me is that your son's father has a relationship with his child
and dis's him like this, that has got to hurt your son so much worse than
all the kids who's absent parents ignore them on holidays when they have
never even met them. So, your son's father has a much greater
responsibility to maintain the relationship since it was already
established.

> That's okay though, he had a great day. We celebrated with a small
> party with his friends yesterday (Incredible Hulk Cake, pool, water
> guns). Today he tested for his Red Belt in Tae Kwon Doe (and got it)
> and went out to lunch at a restaurant where they brought him a cake
> and all the waiter(s)/watiress(es) sang Happy Birthday to him.
> Tomorrow his Step-dad is taking him to Wet N Wild for the day. (He's
> so excited!!!). Oh yeah, and he also got to go shopping for toys
> with the Birthday money he got from my family. He's currently
> playing with his new bionicle and GI Joe Ninja (and not the Matrix
> game he got...go figure!)

You are being a good mother, doing everything you can to meet your child's
emotional needs despite his father's inability or unwillingness to do so.
Your son will respect you for that one day.

> For all those that think children need or want money (aka child
> support) they don't. They want a relationship.

amen!

I'm just blessed
> that my son has a relationship with his Step-Dad that is as close as
> it is. If you didn't know them, you'd swear they were biological.
> Too similar. As my hubby says to his friends "Now I have someone my
> own age to play with". :-)! We're so blessed.

And I know you work at holding on to that happiness, you are all blessed.

[CME]

> wrote in message news:GuoSa.102344$Ph3.13006@sccrnsc04...
> turtledove wrote:
> > Like I mentioned in a previous post.
> >
> > Today is my DS's birthday.
>
> Happy Birthday Brianne's son!
>
> I have heard absolutely nothing from
> > anyone on his dad's side of the family. Which is especially sad,
> > because one of his first cousins has the same birthday...so it isn't
> > likely they forgot it. They simply chose not to recognize it this
> > year. Every other year his cousin and him have a combined party at
> > their grandmother's (my son's paternal grandmother....aka his dad's
> > mom)
>
> Shame on that family, they will live to regret this one day.
>
> > His Bio-Dad didn't even call. NOTHING. And this is the asshole that
> > we sent care packages to while he was at war. This is the asshole who
> > I tried to establish a relationship with his wife so that my son
> > could know his half-brothers. This is the family that couldn't even
> > tell us that he came home safely from Kuwait... I had to send an
> > endless stream of emails until they got so fed up they replied.
> >
> > How the f&*% do you leave a child out in the cold and not acknowledge
> > them at all? How??
>
> What bothers me is that your son's father has a relationship with his
child
> and dis's him like this, that has got to hurt your son so much worse than
> all the kids who's absent parents ignore them on holidays when they have
> never even met them. So, your son's father has a much greater
> responsibility to maintain the relationship since it was already
> established.
>

Yeah I totally agree, and I didn't want to bring it up, but it's **** like
this that reinforces my belief that my kids are better off. And I'm sorry
that that angers some people, but I didn't want my kids to go through that
kind of pain, if I could prevent it. My ex had a history of having kids and
being in and out of their lives, and I wanted better for them (too bad I was
so naive that I thought things with me would be different.) Oh well.

Christine

<snip>

[turtledove]

"'Kate" > wrote in message
...
> On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 01:26:35 GMT, "turtledove" >
> wasted bandwidth once again by posting:
>
> I dunno... how sure are you that they are doing this on purpose and that
> the cousin even had a party at the gradmother's? Maybe she's not able
> to do it for the kids this year for some reason. Before jumping to
> conclusions, call and find out what is going on.


***Unfortunately this is par for the course this past year. My ex-MIL is
very 'particular' on how she should be addressed and communicated with.
During the December visit, she kept rescheduling his drop-off time. It
finally became ridiculous and I had to call up and basically say "you will
drop him off tomorrow at 3pm because he has to have a good nights sleep
before he starts school the following day". This was after he was SUPPOSED
to be home two days prior.

> >His Bio-Dad didn't even call. NOTHING.
>
> That does sound bad. Still... I'd find out what's up. If he's been
> good about remembering all the other years, then this is an odd thing,
> isn't it?
>


*** My ex has never remembered, but his family does. Remember, he lives in
Alaska his family lives an hour away and until this year, was seeing my son
at least every other month. My ex talks to our DS when DS is at his folks.
That's it. He's called here MAYBE 5 times in the past four years...and all
those times never once asked to speak to DS. Basically called to talk to
me. I was the one in the relationship that made decisions and basically
took care of everything. He doesn't have the ability to do that himself.
He's got a young wife and when she became pregnant for the second time, my
ex freaked and called me. The hour long conversation was basically "you
love her dont you? Kids are great. You'll be fine. Relax"


> Hugs to you too... funny how things work out, isn't it?
> 'Kate
>

****This one has been a lot of work, and we've already had our fair share of
trials, but the work (and continued work) has been worth it. The two of my
boys are getting ready for a day at Wet N Wild right now. DS can't stand
still he's so excited! :-)!!

Glad to see you 'Kate!! Hope all is doing okay for you.

much love,
*bri

[dolores]

"turtledove" > wrote in message
. com...
> Like I mentioned in a previous post.
>
> Today is my DS's birthday. I have heard absolutely nothing from anyone on
> his dad's side of the family. Which is especially sad, because one of his
> first cousins has the same birthday...so it isn't likely they forgot it.
> They simply chose not to recognize it this year. Every other year his
cousin
> and him have a combined party at their grandmother's (my son's paternal
> grandmother....aka his dad's mom)

I dont have any words of wisdom for ya here Bri, cos this is what I have had
for the last 10 or so years. Its something I've just cos used to and I dont
even expect anything from them. I'm now of the opinion that at least I'm
under no obligation anymore to even *try*. They've made it quite clear that
they are in no way interested in the lads and thats their loss not mine. At
least I'm not the one that will have any regrets.

>
> His Bio-Dad didn't even call. NOTHING. And this is the asshole that we
> sent care packages to while he was at war. This is the asshole who I tried
> to establish a relationship with his wife so that my son could know his
> half-brothers. This is the family that couldn't even tell us that he came
> home safely from Kuwait... I had to send an endless stream of emails until
> they got so fed up they replied.
>
> How the f&*% do you leave a child out in the cold and not acknowledge them
> at all? How??

Apparently very easily for some people. And I cant understand this either.
>
> That's okay though, he had a great day. We celebrated with a small party
> with his friends yesterday (Incredible Hulk Cake, pool, water guns).
Today
> he tested for his Red Belt in Tae Kwon Doe (and got it) and went out to
> lunch at a restaurant where they brought him a cake and all the
> waiter(s)/watiress(es) sang Happy Birthday to him. Tomorrow his Step-dad
is
> taking him to Wet N Wild for the day. (He's so excited!!!). Oh yeah, and
> he also got to go shopping for toys with the Birthday money he got from my
> family. He's currently playing with his new bionicle and GI Joe Ninja
(and
> not the Matrix game he got...go figure!)

So your glass is fuller than most peoples, at least you have other people
around that genuinely love your son......Thats a lot to be thankful for.
>
> For all those that think children need or want money (aka child support)
> they don't. They want a relationship. I'm just blessed that my son has a
> relationship with his Step-Dad that is as close as it is. If you didn't
> know them, you'd swear they were biological. Too similar. As my hubby
says
> to his friends "Now I have someone my own age to play with". :-)! We're
so
> blessed.

And this is what you should keep in mind. I know it's easy to be very
bitter about his real dad and grandparents behaviour, or lack of it but you
are so lucky to have people that can fill the void.

Dolores

[Lisa aka Surfer]

"turtledove" > wrote in message
. com...
> Like I mentioned in a previous post.
>
> Today is my DS's birthday.


Happy Birthday Luke!!

In reading your post, Bri, I couldn't help but think that your son must
really love the reality of the day he lives in. Cameron is a great dad to
him, You're a great Mom, and he had a blast :)

I know you're ****ed, but, has our birthday boy brought it up?

We had Ben's birthday party , to kick off his birthday weekend, leading up
to his birthday day on Tuesday.

We were a little anxious about heading to a theatre with five 9 year old
boys, but they were excellent. We saw The Pirates of the Carribbean and it
was JUST SO EXCELLENT I CAN'T WAIT TO BUY THE DVD!!!

Anyways,,,,be careful not to stray too far from the realities of the day,
ie, who knows what's up with the paternal side of the family. Pick up the
phone, you never know what the details of the day are for them. At the very
least, you'll give your self the opportunity to vent with details. You know
we love details :) On the other hand, **** em if they can't take a joke.
Their day to day involvement will be done once you move to Vegas. Won't it
be nice when you can start planning your lives with only your immediate
family's best interest in mind?

Good luck, lets us know

Lisa

[Laura]

"turtledove" > wrote in message >...
> Like I mentioned in a previous post.
>
> Today is my DS's birthday. I have heard absolutely nothing from anyone on
> his dad's side of the family. Which is especially sad, because one of his
> first cousins has the same birthday...so it isn't likely they forgot it.
> They simply chose not to recognize it this year. Every other year his cousin
> and him have a combined party at their grandmother's (my son's paternal
> grandmother....aka his dad's mom)
>
> His Bio-Dad didn't even call. NOTHING. And this is the asshole that we
> sent care packages to while he was at war. This is the asshole who I tried
> to establish a relationship with his wife so that my son could know his
> half-brothers. This is the family that couldn't even tell us that he came
> home safely from Kuwait... I had to send an endless stream of emails until
> they got so fed up they replied.
>
> How the f&*% do you leave a child out in the cold and not acknowledge them
> at all? How??
>
> That's okay though, he had a great day. We celebrated with a small party
> with his friends yesterday (Incredible Hulk Cake, pool, water guns). Today
> he tested for his Red Belt in Tae Kwon Doe (and got it) and went out to
> lunch at a restaurant where they brought him a cake and all the
> waiter(s)/watiress(es) sang Happy Birthday to him. Tomorrow his Step-dad is
> taking him to Wet N Wild for the day. (He's so excited!!!). Oh yeah, and
> he also got to go shopping for toys with the Birthday money he got from my
> family. He's currently playing with his new bionicle and GI Joe Ninja (and
> not the Matrix game he got...go figure!)
>
> For all those that think children need or want money (aka child support)
> they don't. They want a relationship. I'm just blessed that my son has a
> relationship with his Step-Dad that is as close as it is. If you didn't
> know them, you'd swear they were biological. Too similar. As my hubby says
> to his friends "Now I have someone my own age to play with". :-)! We're so
> blessed.
>
> okay...i'm done venting.....
>
> much love and friendship,
> *bri

I agree with a lot of the feedback you've gotten already. Your son has
a mom and stepdad who love him. The people he lives with are the ones
he's going to rely on and the other grownups are peripheral to his
life. The birthday tradition with his cousin may not have been as
important to him as it was to you. Also as he gets older he probably
prefers parties with his own buddies to family parties. And as Lisa
said, you're moving a long distance away anyway, so this isn't such a
bad time for his extended family to become less integral to his
day-to-day life.

Remember he's still going to follow your lead emotionally. If you
react to his dad's unpredictable contacts with frustration, he'll feel
that. But if you react with "oh well, his loss, let's go play catch"
then he won't feel slighted either.

You've tried, you know? That's all you can do.

lm