Things Our Mothesr Taught Us (Joke)

[CME]

**** Things Our Mothers Taught Us *****

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the
middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
coming to 'toys r us' with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't
exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home"

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, the wind will change and
you will stay like that."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put a feckin jumper on; don't you think I know when you are
cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to
me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?
"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like
you!"

[dolores]

Goodun Christine....made me laugh anyway......but I think this place is gone
waaaaaay past humour!.....and died!....

WHERE IS EVERYONE??

Dolores die hard....:)

"CME" > wrote in message
news:vFL9b.22890$Cu3.11225@edtnps84...
> **** Things Our Mothers Taught Us *****
>
> 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
> "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
> finished cleaning."
>
> 2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
> "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
>
> 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
> "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the
> middle of next week!"
>
> 4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
> "Because I said so, that's why."
>
> 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
> "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
> coming to 'toys r us' with me."
>
> 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
> "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
> accident."
>
> 7. My mother taught me IRONY.
> "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
>
> 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
> "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
>
> 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
> "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
>
> 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
> "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
>
> 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
> "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
>
> 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
> "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't
> exaggerate!"
>
> 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
> "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
>
> 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
> "Stop acting like your father!"
>
> 15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
> "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
> don't have wonderful parents like you do."
>
> 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
> "Just wait until we get home"
>
> 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
> "You are going to get it when you get home!"
>
> 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
> "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, the wind will change and
> you will stay like that."
>
> 19. My mother taught me ESP.
> "Put a feckin jumper on; don't you think I know when you are
> cold?"
>
> 20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
> "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to
> me."
>
> 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
> "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
>
> 22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
> "You're just like your father."
>
> 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
> "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?
> "
>
> 24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
> "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
>
> 25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
> "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like
> you!"
>
>

[Paul Griffiths]

"dolores" > wrote in message
...

> Goodun Christine....made me laugh anyway......but I think this place is
gone
> waaaaaay past humour!.....and died!....

Not dead, just forgotten. ;-)

> WHERE IS EVERYONE??

Dunno about the others but I'm trying out this working for a living lark.
So far I don't think much of it. Ah well, maybe the money will change my
mind when I finally see some.

> Dolores die hard....:)

If at all, I hope.


--
Paul Griffiths

[Tiffany]

Paul Griffiths > wrote in message
...
> "dolores" > wrote in message
> ...
>
> > Goodun Christine....made me laugh anyway......but I think this place is
> gone
> > waaaaaay past humour!.....and died!....
>
> Not dead, just forgotten. ;-)
>
> > WHERE IS EVERYONE??
>
> Dunno about the others but I'm trying out this working for a living lark.
> So far I don't think much of it. Ah well, maybe the money will change my
> mind when I finally see some.

I don't know about the others but I have BEEN working for a living. lol ;)

T

[Dennis Here]

Paul Griffiths wrote in message ...

>
>Dunno about the others but I'm trying out this working for a living lark.

Good news? tell us more!

>So far I don't think much of it. Ah well, maybe the money will change my
>mind when I finally see some.


I must say that I have found the re-adjustment to full time work somewhat
heavy going.
The help promised from the ex has been a bonus recently but can still be
sparodic at times. The travelling time too and from work is the real killer
though, it adds two hours to the working day before I get home and do
another days work. I seem to be falling asleep in the chair as soon a
Freddie goes to bed about twice a week now when in the past midnight would
have been an early night!
The odd problem with another child at the childminders bothers Freddie a bit
and his new school teacher is from the "old school" and he gas yet to work
out how to keep out of sight when causing mischief! I think the kids have
nicknamed her Dolores after Professor Umbridge in the new Harry Potter book!

Dennis

[Paul Griffiths]

"Dennis Here" oureply>
wrote in message ...
> Paul Griffiths wrote in message ...
>
> >Dunno about the others but I'm trying out this working for a living lark.
>
> Good news?

I'll let you know but the money is certainly handy. :-)

> tell us more!

Okay, as you asked.

Currently I'm doing 16 hours a week in five different venues. It means
quite a lot of driving but I can live with that ATM.

10 of the hours are teaching adults on level 1 computing courses and 4 are
teaching computing to young and single parents (14 to 18).

I am also aiming to set up a technology consultancy partnership with an old
friend of mine who was fairly recently made redundant. Early days for this
but things are looking hopeful.

> >So far I don't think much of it. Ah well, maybe the money will change my
> >mind when I finally see some.
>
> I must say that I have found the re-adjustment to full time work somewhat
> heavy going.

Yeah I can imagine. Even fitting in what I'm doing right now is hard work.
Part of that is due to the amount of travelling and part is because Pete has
more out of school commitments this year. Full time would be very difficult
indeed.

> The help promised from the ex has been a bonus recently but can still be
> sparodic at times.

Nice when you get it though.

> The travelling time too and from work is the real killer though, it adds
two
> hours to the working day before I get home and do another days work.

A good while back I used to commute nearly 3 hours a day. I stuck that for
7 years and said never again but on some days I'm doing more than that now.
Overall it works out at 9 or 10 hours travelling for 16 hours work. Not
exactly ideal to say the least.

> I seem to be falling asleep in the chair as soon a Freddie goes to bed
about
> twice a week now when in the past midnight would have been an early night!

Sounds familiar. Recently I have been in bed and asleep before midnight
most nights.

> The odd problem with another child at the childminders bothers Freddie a
bit
> and his new school teacher is from the "old school" and he gas yet to work
> out how to keep out of sight when causing mischief! I think the kids have
> nicknamed her Dolores after Professor Umbridge in the new Harry Potter
book!

I'm glad to say Pete seems to have settled in well at school this year.
He's even enjoying playing hockey which is a new sport they're offering this
year.

Curiously we started the Harry Potter book soon after it came out but found
it slow going and have stuck around a quarter of the way through. Dunno why
exactly as we read the others quickly but this one doesn't seem to have held
our attention in the same way.


--
Paul Griffiths

[Dennis Here]

Paul Griffiths wrote in message ...

>"Dennis Here" wrote in message
>
>> tell us more!
>
>Okay, as you asked.
>
>Currently I'm doing 16 hours a week in five different venues. It means
>quite a lot of driving but I can live with that ATM.
>
>10 of the hours are teaching adults on level 1 computing courses and 4 are
>teaching computing to young and single parents (14 to 18).
>
>I am also aiming to set up a technology consultancy partnership with an old
>friend of mine who was fairly recently made redundant. Early days for this
>but things are looking hopeful.

Just the fact that you are back in circulation will bring a few more
opportunities.

and his new school teacher is from the "old school" and he gas yet to work
>> out how to keep out of sight when causing mischief! I think the kids have
>> nicknamed her Dolores after Professor Umbridge in the new Harry Potter
>book!

>Curiously we started the Harry Potter book soon after it came out but found
>it slow going and have stuck around a quarter of the way through. Dunno
why
>exactly as we read the others quickly but this one doesn't seem to have
held
>our attention in the same way.


I thought that it was good, but not as good as the previous one.
We are half way through the new Artimus Fowl book ATM, similar stuff with a
criminal element and far more funny.

Dennis