I'm a horrible, horrible person and mother...

[©kat©]

Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By huge, I
really do mean HUGE...


Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the hallway
and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he snuck up
in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of my
closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them alive,
given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past couple
days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean, good
cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others and
animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take one
warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
reason before she's gone.
This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found him
on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard objects
in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room -
kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly ran
to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to open
it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it often
sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him, literally
sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had a
HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to calm
myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back upstairs.
I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them, obviously
away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a blanket
and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both fell
asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way I
could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting ice
on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his huge
bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social services...
How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and you
smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long as
I can remember...
I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and make
the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the baby
is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
did...

[Megan]

I think you might need to take some anger management classes...soon. You
need to realize that your child comes first and it might be time to let the
animals go to a better suited home. A child needs to be taught how to act
towards others and animals, as a mom that is your job, i'm afraid you're
about to be fired. I hope someone near you has the good sense in calling
Child and Family Services.

"©kat©" > wrote in message
news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By huge,
I
> really do mean HUGE...
>
>
> Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
> and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he snuck
up
> in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
my
> closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
> given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past couple
> days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
> crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
> cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
and
> animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take one
> warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> reason before she's gone.
> This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found him
> on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
> in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room -
> kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
ran
> to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
> it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
> He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it often
> sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
> sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had a
> HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to calm
> myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back upstairs.
> I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
> being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
> away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
> and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
fell
> asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way I
> could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
ice
> on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his huge
> bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
> How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
you
> smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
as
> I can remember...
> I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and make
> the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
baby
> is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> did...
>
>

[steveb]

"Megan" > lifted the trapdoor, peered around and wrote:

>I think you might need to take some anger management classes...soon. You
>need to realize that your child comes first and it might be time to let the
>animals go to a better suited home. A child needs to be taught how to act
>towards others and animals, as a mom that is your job, i'm afraid you're
>about to be fired. I hope someone near you has the good sense in calling
>Child and Family Services.

I do hope this was meant to be ironic!

[Betsy]

"©kat©" > wrote in message
news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By huge,
I
> really do mean HUGE...
>
>
> Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
> and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he snuck
up
> in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
my
> closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
> given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past couple
> days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
> crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
> cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
and
> animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take one
> warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> reason before she's gone.
> This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found him
> on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
> in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room -
> kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
ran
> to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
> it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
> He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it often
> sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
> sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had a
> HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to calm
> myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back upstairs.
> I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
> being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
> away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
> and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
fell
> asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way I
> could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
ice
> on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his huge
> bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
> How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
you
> smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
as
> I can remember...
> I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and make
> the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
baby
> is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> did...
>
>
>

Kat,

You are a human being. Accidents happen. What happened with the door was
an accident. You did not intentionally go into that room in order to hurt
your son. I do think you need some sort of help, to figure out what's going
on in your head. Having said that, I need to tell you, I do not think you
are a bad mother. Nor are you a failure. You are a human being who gets
tired, and angry, and frustrated. I have felt the same way. I have yelled
or screamed at my son in the past instead of calming down first. Find
someone, a support group, or individual counselor, or good friend; someone
to talk to, to vent your frustrations. It does help. When bad things start
piling up in life, the rest of the world seems bleak and meaningless. This
is the time to say, "I can't do it all alone." You know what happened was
an accident. Your son is not seriously injured, nor will he be scarred for
life. You will get through this, and come out stronger in the end. You are
a very strong young woman, and I hold you in high regards for all you have
been through. We are always hardest on ourselves. Try not to do that to
yourself. You don't need any more beating up. You are cared about here,
and I will send good thoughts, and loving prayers your direction. Let us
know how things are going. Don't keep it bottled up.

Best wishes,
Betsy

[Betsy]

"Megan" > wrote in message
news:GLjnb.199843$9l5.175691@pd7tw2no...
> I think you might need to take some anger management classes...soon. You
> need to realize that your child comes first and it might be time to let
the
> animals go to a better suited home. A child needs to be taught how to act
> towards others and animals, as a mom that is your job, i'm afraid you're
> about to be fired. I hope someone near you has the good sense in calling
> Child and Family Services.
>
Do you think this is helpful? Sounds like you are bitter and angry
yourself. What you have posted is not support.

> "©kat©" > wrote in message
> news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> > Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
> I
> > really do mean HUGE...
> >
> >
> > Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> hallway
> > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
> up
> > in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
> my
> > closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
> alive,
> > given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
> > days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> > Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> > her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
> > crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
> good
> > cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
> and
> > animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
> > warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> > reason before she's gone.
> > This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
> > on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> > because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> objects
> > in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> > telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> > place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
> > kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
> ran
> > to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> > there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
> open
> > it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
> > He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> > stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
> > sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> literally
> > sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
a
> > HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> > fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
> > myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
> > I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
> > being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> obviously
> > away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> > started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
> blanket
> > and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
> fell
> > asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> > sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way
I
> > could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
> ice
> > on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> > I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
> > bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> services...
> > How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
> you
> > smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
> as
> > I can remember...
> > I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
> > the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> > here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
> baby
> > is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> > really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> > did...
> >
> >
>
>
>

[CME]

"Megan" > wrote in message
news:GLjnb.199843$9l5.175691@pd7tw2no...
> I think you might need to take some anger management classes...soon. You
> need to realize that your child comes first and it might be time to let
the
> animals go to a better suited home. A child needs to be taught how to act
> towards others and animals, as a mom that is your job, i'm afraid you're
> about to be fired. I hope someone near you has the good sense in calling
> Child and Family Services.
>


Shut the **** up you ****. You don't know anything about her... people like
you **** me off... the nerve of some people!

Christine


> "©kat©" > wrote in message
> news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> > Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
> I
> > really do mean HUGE...
> >
> >
> > Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> hallway
> > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
> up
> > in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
> my
> > closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
> alive,
> > given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
> > days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> > Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> > her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
> > crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
> good
> > cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
> and
> > animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
> > warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> > reason before she's gone.
> > This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
> > on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> > because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> objects
> > in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> > telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> > place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
> > kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
> ran
> > to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> > there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
> open
> > it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
> > He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> > stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
> > sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> literally
> > sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
a
> > HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> > fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
> > myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
> > I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
> > being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> obviously
> > away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> > started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
> blanket
> > and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
> fell
> > asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> > sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way
I
> > could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
> ice
> > on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> > I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
> > bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> services...
> > How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
> you
> > smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
> as
> > I can remember...
> > I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
> > the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> > here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
> baby
> > is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> > really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> > did...
> >
> >
>
>

[CME]

"Betsy" > wrote in message
om...
>
> "©kat©" > wrote in message
> news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> > Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
> I
> > really do mean HUGE...
> >
> >
> > Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> hallway
> > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
> up
> > in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
> my
> > closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
> alive,
> > given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
> > days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> > Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> > her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
> > crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
> good
> > cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
> and
> > animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
> > warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> > reason before she's gone.
> > This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
> > on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> > because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> objects
> > in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> > telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> > place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
> > kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
> ran
> > to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> > there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
> open
> > it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
> > He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> > stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
> > sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> literally
> > sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
a
> > HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> > fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
> > myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
> > I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
> > being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> obviously
> > away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> > started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
> blanket
> > and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
> fell
> > asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> > sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way
I
> > could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
> ice
> > on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> > I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
> > bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> services...
> > How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
> you
> > smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
> as
> > I can remember...
> > I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
> > the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> > here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
> baby
> > is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> > really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> > did...
> >
> >
> >
>
> Kat,
>
> You are a human being. Accidents happen. What happened with the door was
> an accident. You did not intentionally go into that room in order to hurt
> your son. I do think you need some sort of help, to figure out what's
going
> on in your head. Having said that, I need to tell you, I do not think you
> are a bad mother. Nor are you a failure. You are a human being who gets
> tired, and angry, and frustrated. I have felt the same way. I have
yelled
> or screamed at my son in the past instead of calming down first. Find
> someone, a support group, or individual counselor, or good friend; someone
> to talk to, to vent your frustrations. It does help. When bad things
start
> piling up in life, the rest of the world seems bleak and meaningless.
This
> is the time to say, "I can't do it all alone." You know what happened was
> an accident. Your son is not seriously injured, nor will he be scarred
for
> life. You will get through this, and come out stronger in the end. You
are
> a very strong young woman, and I hold you in high regards for all you have
> been through. We are always hardest on ourselves. Try not to do that to
> yourself. You don't need any more beating up. You are cared about here,
> and I will send good thoughts, and loving prayers your direction. Let us
> know how things are going. Don't keep it bottled up.
>
> Best wishes,
> Betsy
>

Kat, I agree with everything Betsy says and then some. I have been where
you are, and it's not your fault. The fact that you even posted this, and
your concern about your son, and about what happened shows me that you are
not a bad mother. Is your son happy? Healthy? Well fed? In bed at a
decent hour? Gets hugs and kisses? Yesssss... So ffs, give yourself a
break girl.

Christine

[CME]

<'Kate> wrote in message ...
> On Mon, 27 Oct 2003 23:37:56 GMT, "©kat©" >
> >Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By huge,
I
> >really do mean HUGE...
> >
> >
> >Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
> >and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> >eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he snuck
up
> >in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
my
> >closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
> >given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
> >days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> >Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> >her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
> >crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
> >cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
and
> >animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
> >warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> >reason before she's gone.
> >This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
> >on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> >because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
> >in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> >telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> >place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
> >kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
ran
> >to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> >there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
> >it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
> >He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> >stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
> >sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
> >sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had a
> >HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> >fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
> >myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
> >I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
> >being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
> >away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> >started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
> >and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
fell
> >asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> >sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way
I
> >could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
ice
> >on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> >I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
> >bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
> >How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
you
> >smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
as
> >I can remember...
> >I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and make
> >the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> >here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
baby
> >is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> >really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> >did...
> >
>
> It was an accident. You were angry, that's true. However, you were not
> trying to hurt him. You were working to keep him from harming a living
> thing. You were also overtired because of his behavior. That's probably
> something to work on in the future - his sleep habits.
>
> If anyone says anything, just tell them that you didn't expect him to be
> behind the door when you opened it. That's the truth.
>
> Kids, by the way, make lousy doorstops.
>
> 'Kate
>

LOL I remember a time that I did the same thing, my son got the door knob
right in the forehead... ohhh the tears. He had a purple circle for a good
week... ahhh the memories. I think I even have a photo kicking around. lol

Kat, you beat yourself up far too much... I think you're doing a great job.
If you need a coffee, you know where to find me. ;)

Christine

[Paul Griffiths]

"steveb" > wrote in message
...
> "Megan" > lifted the trapdoor, peered around and wrote:
>
> >I think you might need to take some anger management classes...soon. You
> >need to realize that your child comes first and it might be time to let
the
> >animals go to a better suited home. A child needs to be taught how to
act
> >towards others and animals, as a mom that is your job, i'm afraid you're
> >about to be fired. I hope someone near you has the good sense in calling
> >Child and Family Services.
>
> I do hope this was meant to be ironic!

Somehow I think not but then maybe I'm just a cynic.


--
Paul Griffiths

[Paul Griffiths]

Firstly, no you're not IMHO naturally.

The door thing was an accident, period. They happen, not a problem, end of
discussion.

Your child's behaviour and your reaction to it are another matter.

How old is he? I ask because between the ages of about 8 to 12 I went
through a phase where it was "fun" to kill things, or arrange for them to be
killed, too. Spiders, flies, ants, slugs, snails even a frog once. Not
something I'm happy about but it has made me even more caring of all life
now so not all bad I suppose. Dunno how natural this is but I suspect it's
pretty common. Seemed to be a cross between finding out how things worked
and pushing the envelope in respect of what I could and couldn't do.

Then there's the top shelf of the closet thing. The way I see it is that
you were concerned for his safety. Sounds fair to me but don't expect him
to share your concern or even understand it. I know I wouldn't have at one
point. I used to climb all over and seemed to spend an awful lot of time on
one roof or another or jumping between them. I'm a little more sensible
these days, well I hope I am anyway.

As for losing it and shouting at him I don't see any problem with that
either as long as it doesn't happen all the time. I don't think it harms
them to realise there are some things that we feel very strongly about. If
nothing else he knows where you draw that particular line in no uncertain
terms.

More important is how you behaved afterwards and I think you did fine. Have
you talked to him since about how he feels about it all?

Hang in there, you're doing okay.


--
Paul Griffiths

[Tiffany]

©kat© > wrote in message
news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By huge,
I
> really do mean HUGE...
>
>
> Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
> and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he snuck
up
> in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
my
> closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
> given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past couple
> days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
> crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
> cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
and
> animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take one
> warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> reason before she's gone.
> This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found him
> on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
> in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room -
> kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
ran
> to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
> it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
> He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it often
> sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
> sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had a
> HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to calm
> myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back upstairs.
> I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
> being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
> away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
> and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
fell
> asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way I
> could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
ice
> on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his huge
> bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
> How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
you
> smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
as
> I can remember...
> I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and make
> the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
baby
> is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> did...
>
>

I think you have learnt a great lesson...... don't ever throw a door open.
It was an accident though so don't sweat it. If you find that you get really
angry a lot then think of ways to eliminate the stressors. That might mean
finding a home for the gerbils. If you are near me, I would love to house
them. I don't know about the issues with your son, never had to deal with
that. Sounds scary to me but as Paul said, his son went through that stage
too. If the gerbils are gone, there is one less thing for your son to
terrorize and to possibly harm himself with his climbing. The cat....
de-claw maybe? The say that screaming and yelling at a kid is NOT affective
though so re think how you coup. Nothing wrong with calling a hotline for
suggestions. Good luck.

[rolly]

"©kat©" > wrote in message
news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> Earlier today,


I'd not worry about it too much, kids have accidents, get hurt, play hard,
bounce off walls and they still seem to make to to 80/90 years old. God
don't make no junk!

I might suggest not dealing with kids when overly angry. If anyone on earth
knows our buttons it's our kids, so when that upset, I find it best to go
cool off before dealing with anything.

And as much as this sucks to hear, if the kids really hurting the animal,get
rid of it till you guys work through this...

take care best wishes

[Sheryl]

"rolly" > wrote in message
...

> > I'd not worry about it too much, kids have accidents, get hurt, play
hard,
> bounce off walls and they still seem to make to to 80/90 years old. God
> don't make no junk!

Ain't that the truth! My Dad always used to say, "Children tend to survive,
DESPITE the best efforts of their parents."

Accidents happen and there's just no avoiding them sometimes, especially
when things get hectic and crazy.

:)

[©kat©]

"Megan" > wrote in message
news:GLjnb.199843$9l5.175691@pd7tw2no...
> I think you might need to take some anger management classes...soon.

Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I lived through a MAJORLY colicky baby not that
long ago, and I learned fast what I do and do not need to do. I don't think
I remember a time that I actually yelled at him, aside from the odd, "stop
that!" or something similar, and I've never found myself yelling and
screaming like there's no tomorrow. Raising my voice, I've found, grabs his
attention often when I've needed it, and a sharp, "cut that out" has never
given be problems.

>You
> need to realize that your child comes first and it might be time to let
the
> animals go to a better suited home.

Maybe that is why my birds are going to a new home with someone who enjoys
birds and can give them the attention they need? Perhaps not everything has
been handed down to me for my own personal amusement, and driving across the
city not only takes time, it takes gas as well.

>A child needs to be taught how to act
> towards others and animals, as a mom that is your job, i'm afraid you're
> about to be fired.

Really? I think you should be fired as a human being. I guess I could
always look at getting a lion instead of a cat and a pair of emus instead of
budgies - at least the bigger of the animals could defend themselves by
ripping us all apart, rather than run.

>I hope someone near you has the good sense in calling
> Child and Family Services.

Good thing I talked to my mom first. But, again, she don't know her head
from her ass. She said that he had a good bump, but other than that, she
said he'd survive Also, my mom wouldn't know nothing when it comes to
anything. 20+ years raising her own children and over a quarter of a
century being a social worker in child protection. Believe me, I know my
mom would not hesitate an iota of a second to call social services if she
thought he was in any type of trouble or harm. Why don't you call and repor
t me, then? If you give me a couple hours, I'll look through all my school
notes and papers from last year's school and work and volunteer work, and
I'll get you a number to call.
Not once did child welfare cross my mind and all I had been feeling was
related to me, and my son, and nothing more.

>
> "©kat©" > wrote in message
> news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> > Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
> I
> > really do mean HUGE...
> >
> >
> > Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> hallway
> > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
> up
> > in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
> my
> > closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
> alive,
> > given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
> > days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> > Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> > her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
> > crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
> good
> > cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
> and
> > animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
> > warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> > reason before she's gone.
> > This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
> > on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> > because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> objects
> > in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> > telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> > place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
> > kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
> ran
> > to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> > there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
> open
> > it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
> > He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> > stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
> > sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> literally
> > sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
a
> > HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> > fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
> > myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
> > I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
> > being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> obviously
> > away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> > started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
> blanket
> > and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
> fell
> > asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> > sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way
I
> > could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
> ice
> > on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> > I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
> > bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> services...
> > How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
> you
> > smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
> as
> > I can remember...
> > I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
> > the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> > here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
> baby
> > is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> > really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> > did...
> >
> >
>
>

[©kat©]

"Betsy" > wrote in message
om...
>
> "©kat©" > wrote in message
> news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> > Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
> I
> > really do mean HUGE...
> >
> >
> > Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> hallway
> > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
> up
> > in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
> my
> > closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
> alive,
> > given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
> > days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> > Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> > her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
> > crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
> good
> > cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
> and
> > animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
> > warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> > reason before she's gone.
> > This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
> > on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> > because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> objects
> > in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> > telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> > place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
> > kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
> ran
> > to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> > there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
> open
> > it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
> > He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> > stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
> > sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> literally
> > sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
a
> > HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> > fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
> > myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
> > I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
> > being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> obviously
> > away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> > started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
> blanket
> > and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
> fell
> > asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> > sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way
I
> > could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
> ice
> > on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> > I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
> > bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> services...
> > How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
> you
> > smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
> as
> > I can remember...
> > I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
> > the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> > here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
> baby
> > is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> > really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> > did...
> >
> >
> >
>
> Kat,
>
> You are a human being. Accidents happen. What happened with the door was
> an accident. You did not intentionally go into that room in order to hurt
> your son. I do think you need some sort of help, to figure out what's
going
> on in your head. Having said that, I need to tell you, I do not think you
> are a bad mother. Nor are you a failure. You are a human being who gets
> tired, and angry, and frustrated. I have felt the same way. I have
yelled
> or screamed at my son in the past instead of calming down first. Find
> someone, a support group, or individual counselor, or good friend; someone
> to talk to, to vent your frustrations. It does help. When bad things
start
> piling up in life, the rest of the world seems bleak and meaningless.
This
> is the time to say, "I can't do it all alone." You know what happened was
> an accident. Your son is not seriously injured, nor will he be scarred
for
> life. You will get through this, and come out stronger in the end. You
are
> a very strong young woman, and I hold you in high regards for all you have
> been through. We are always hardest on ourselves. Try not to do that to
> yourself. You don't need any more beating up. You are cared about here,
> and I will send good thoughts, and loving prayers your direction. Let us
> know how things are going. Don't keep it bottled up.
>
> Best wishes,
> Betsy
>
>

It's just been a really crappy 2 weeks or so. Nothing really out of the
ordinary, just all the little things together. Wes had 5 days off from
work, and between him and the baby, it's harder. He ALWAYS has to put his
2¢ in, and when I try to talk to him, I feel like I'm in the middle of a
forest, talking to the trees and moss alone. He just doesn't seem to
listen, and there's very few people I can call or talk to who will actually
listen without getting bored, frustrated, angry, or doing the same towards
me. I did not open any door hoping he'd be standing there waiting for me to
knock him flat on his ass, nor did I get any enjoyment at all from it, but I
did enjoy sitting down with him, and having him actually sit down with me,
and fall asleep on the couch together. I would NOT even think about
smashing another door in his face to be able to have him sit with me again
and fall asleep on the couch like yesterday.
Lost my train of thought after a washroom break...

[©kat©]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:9Uonb.52494$zx2.20871@edtnps84...
>
> "Betsy" > wrote in message
> om...
> >
> > "©kat©" > wrote in message
> > news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> > > Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
> huge,
> > I
> > > really do mean HUGE...
> > >
> > >
> > > Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> > hallway
> > > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
> snuck
> > up
> > > in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top
of
> > my
> > > closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
> > alive,
> > > given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
> couple
> > > days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> > > Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> > > her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a
lot
> of
> > > crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
> > good
> > > cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to
others
> > and
> > > animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
> one
> > > warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for
no
> > > reason before she's gone.
> > > This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
> him
> > > on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> > > because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> > objects
> > > in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've
been
> > > telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the
first
> > > place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
> room -
> > > kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he
instantly
> > ran
> > > to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I
stood
> > > there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying
to
> > open
> > > it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
> it.
> > > He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up
the
> > > stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
> often
> > > sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> > literally
> > > sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he
had
> a
> > > HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> > > fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
> calm
> > > myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
> upstairs.
> > > I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
> human
> > > being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> > obviously
> > > away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> > > started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
> > blanket
> > > and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we
both
> > fell
> > > asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room
to
> > > sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no
way
> I
> > > could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was
putting
> > ice
> > > on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> > > I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
> huge
> > > bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> > services...
> > > How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals
and
> > you
> > > smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as
long
> > as
> > > I can remember...
> > > I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
> make
> > > the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she
gets
> > > here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
> > baby
> > > is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> > > really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> > > did...
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> > Kat,
> >
> > You are a human being. Accidents happen. What happened with the door
was
> > an accident. You did not intentionally go into that room in order to
hurt
> > your son. I do think you need some sort of help, to figure out what's
> going
> > on in your head. Having said that, I need to tell you, I do not think
you
> > are a bad mother. Nor are you a failure. You are a human being who
gets
> > tired, and angry, and frustrated. I have felt the same way. I have
> yelled
> > or screamed at my son in the past instead of calming down first. Find
> > someone, a support group, or individual counselor, or good friend;
someone
> > to talk to, to vent your frustrations. It does help. When bad things
> start
> > piling up in life, the rest of the world seems bleak and meaningless.
> This
> > is the time to say, "I can't do it all alone." You know what happened
was
> > an accident. Your son is not seriously injured, nor will he be scarred
> for
> > life. You will get through this, and come out stronger in the end. You
> are
> > a very strong young woman, and I hold you in high regards for all you
have
> > been through. We are always hardest on ourselves. Try not to do that
to
> > yourself. You don't need any more beating up. You are cared about
here,
> > and I will send good thoughts, and loving prayers your direction. Let
us
> > know how things are going. Don't keep it bottled up.
> >
> > Best wishes,
> > Betsy
> >
>
> Kat, I agree with everything Betsy says and then some. I have been where
> you are, and it's not your fault. The fact that you even posted this, and
> your concern about your son, and about what happened shows me that you are
> not a bad mother. Is your son happy? Healthy? Well fed? In bed at a
> decent hour? Gets hugs and kisses? Yesssss... So ffs, give yourself a
> break girl.
>
> Christine

He is happy and healthy, and he doesn't go to sleep with an empty tummy... I
have been having problems at both nap time and bed time, but the nap time I
haven't really been pushing too hard... Some days he'll nap, other days he
won't... No nap just means falling asleep half an hour earlier and sleeping
in half an hour later, which is not too much of a concern. What concerns me
most is not going to bed at night, and he often sneaks out of bed sometimes
3am. I suppose this isn't anything out of the ordinary because I remember
sneaking up at night to turn the tv on... He gets lots of hugs and kisses
all the time, and he even now says, "love you!" back when I put him to bed,
give him his Flintstone vitamin, glass of warm milk, suckie, blankie, hug
and kiss, tell him I hope he has a good sleep, goodnight and I love you,
then he started saying, 'love you' the other day.
I think I need to find a weekend that parents or auntie aren't too busy,
drop him off on a friday night or Saturday afternoon and just go for a full
day, but I don't want to feel like I'm asking too much from them... I also
don't know how I'd handle a full 24 hours without him because I've only done
that 2 times, I believe, and I called every half an hour... Their lives are
so busy with brother's football, soccer, hockey, you name it...

[Vickychick]

"©kat©" > wrote in message news:<o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84>...

> Last night, he was up til 3am xxxx around in his room and in the hallway
> and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep...


You know a tired mom is not a happy mom. Have you tried setting some
different bedtime hours? My son would stay up for hours and it was
exhausting! Perhaps increase his physical activity or dance with him
to burn off excess energy for you as well!



snip

> Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
> crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean, good
> cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others and
> animals...


Have you tried to find the cat a good home where your son can still
visit? Or maybe take your son to an animal shelter to "help" out with
the animals to give a sense of caring for animals.

snip I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room
-
> kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly ran
> to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to open
> it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
> He knows there's no screaming like that in the house.


I would really consider redirecting my parenting style. It really
sounds like you are stressed and what you are doing (yelling) is not
working. Do you have family center or can you take some type of class?


snip
> I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
> being...


You are not a horrible piece of crap. You are a tired woman who sounds
like she needs a support system and some guidance.

snip
> How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and you
> smashed a door into him??


You don't explain. It is a simple answer. "He bumped into the door."

snip

You take care and good luck.
V

[©kat©]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:PXonb.52591$zx2.24436@edtnps84...
>
> <'Kate> wrote in message
...
> > On Mon, 27 Oct 2003 23:37:56 GMT, "©kat©" >
> > >Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
> I
> > >really do mean HUGE...
> > >
> > >
> > >Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> hallway
> > >and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > >eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
> up
> > >in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top
of
> my
> > >closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
> alive,
> > >given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
> couple
> > >days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> > >Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> > >her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
> of
> > >crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
> good
> > >cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
> and
> > >animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
> one
> > >warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for
no
> > >reason before she's gone.
> > >This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
> him
> > >on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> > >because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> objects
> > >in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> > >telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the
first
> > >place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
> room -
> > >kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
> ran
> > >to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I
stood
> > >there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
> open
> > >it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
> > >He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up
the
> > >stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
> often
> > >sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> literally
> > >sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
a
> > >HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> > >fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
> calm
> > >myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
> upstairs.
> > >I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
> > >being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> obviously
> > >away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> > >started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
> blanket
> > >and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
> fell
> > >asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room
to
> > >sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no
way
> I
> > >could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was
putting
> ice
> > >on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> > >I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
> huge
> > >bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> services...
> > >How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals
and
> you
> > >smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as
long
> as
> > >I can remember...
> > >I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
> > >the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> > >here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
> baby
> > >is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> > >really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> > >did...
> > >
> >
> > It was an accident. You were angry, that's true. However, you were not
> > trying to hurt him. You were working to keep him from harming a living
> > thing. You were also overtired because of his behavior. That's probably
> > something to work on in the future - his sleep habits.
> >
> > If anyone says anything, just tell them that you didn't expect him to be
> > behind the door when you opened it. That's the truth.
> >
> > Kids, by the way, make lousy doorstops.
> >
> > 'Kate
> >
>
> LOL I remember a time that I did the same thing, my son got the door knob
> right in the forehead... ohhh the tears. He had a purple circle for a
good
> week... ahhh the memories. I think I even have a photo kicking around. lol
>
> Kat, you beat yourself up far too much... I think you're doing a great
job.
> If you need a coffee, you know where to find me. ;)
>
> Christine
>
>
Ha! Last time, lunch turned into a puke session - good thing it was a warm
day and not bad for being shirtless for a little while - and surely people
must have wondered what I had done to make my own child puke... LOL
I really think half a bottle of vodka sounds fantastic right about now!
HAHA

[Dennis Here]

©kat© wrote in message ...

>Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By huge, I
>really do mean HUGE...

Great news!
If he had smashed his head and there was no bruise visible within a short
space of time there is a chance that the bruise could have gone inwards.

>Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the hallway
>and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
>eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he snuck
up
>in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of my
>closet shelf and let out the gerbils...

Perhaps you could keep the gerbils somewhere more accessible.

> I didn't think I'd find them alive,
>given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past couple
>days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
>Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
>her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
>crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean, good
>cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others and
>animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take one
>warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
>reason before she's gone.

Two new kittens here now (curtousy of Dolores) and Freddie has had quite a
few scratches. I have to keep reminding him that they are not toys!

>This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap,

Ah! Why an afternoon nap if the little **** keeps you up till 3am?
Reverse it and keep him active and awake all day, get your timing right and
put him to bed at a reasonable time. I found that a bedtime sequence worked
really well. The permutations involved story, pajamas and wash and cleen
teeth. It doesn't matter which order you do them but as soon as you start on
any one then the sequence and takes over and your son will associate them
with bed time. The direct order "Bedtime!" is immediatly confrontational and
encourages automatic resistants.

>I again found him
>on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
>because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard objects
>in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
>telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
>place.

Then move the girbils, perhaps into a bigger cage as well and with a padlock
on it! Supervised girbil play until he is mature enough to either understand
or do as you say.

> I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room -
>kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly ran
>to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
>there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
>it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
>He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
>stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it often
>sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
>sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had a
>HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
>fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to calm
>myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back upstairs.
>I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
>being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
>away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
>started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
>and tried to put the ice on his forehead,

Not sure if this is the right thing to do. Ice can inhibit the swelling,
sometimes its better out than in. My mother (a qualified nurse) always used
butter which worked well enough on my rough and tumble older boys when they
were young.

>I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his huge
>bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social services...


Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
BUT
A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of the
cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired child
wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these factors
and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and prevention
take priority.

Dennis

Dennis

[©kat©]

"Paul Griffiths" > wrote in message
...
> Firstly, no you're not IMHO naturally.
>
> The door thing was an accident, period. They happen, not a problem, end
of
> discussion.
>
> Your child's behaviour and your reaction to it are another matter.
>
> How old is he? I ask because between the ages of about 8 to 12 I went
> through a phase where it was "fun" to kill things, or arrange for them to
be
> killed, too. Spiders, flies, ants, slugs, snails even a frog once. Not
> something I'm happy about but it has made me even more caring of all life
> now so not all bad I suppose. Dunno how natural this is but I suspect
it's
> pretty common. Seemed to be a cross between finding out how things worked
> and pushing the envelope in respect of what I could and couldn't do.

He's only going to be 3 at the end of January... I know kids - especially
little boys - love to do things like pull of spider legs or cut worms in
half... My brothers did it and I still remember.
With the bird thing, I don't believe he actually killed the bird. I know
for a fact that he, for one, would not be able to catch the bird, and even
if he did, he would definitely get bitten if he tried to grab it. What I
believe happened was he opened the bird cage door, let a bird fly out (for
whatever reason - cause he's done it once before) and closed the door behind
the bird maybe so I wouldn't know? I think then the cat got a hold of the
bird and killed or injured it. When it was lying somewhere on the floor
(dead or near dead) I assume he took the bird and put it in the aquarium,
for whatever reason, because the aquarium lid is plexiglass and not easily
removed by cats or birds.
The fish he did kill. No big deal, but only because I don't think he really
understands. He sees little things swimming around and will pull them out
of the water.

> Then there's the top shelf of the closet thing. The way I see it is that
> you were concerned for his safety. Sounds fair to me but don't expect him
> to share your concern or even understand it. I know I wouldn't have at
one
> point. I used to climb all over and seemed to spend an awful lot of time
on
> one roof or another or jumping between them. I'm a little more sensible
> these days, well I hope I am anyway.
>
> As for losing it and shouting at him I don't see any problem with that
> either as long as it doesn't happen all the time. I don't think it harms
> them to realise there are some things that we feel very strongly about.
If
> nothing else he knows where you draw that particular line in no uncertain
> terms.

I don't usually yell at all. This morning, I found both gerbils in the cage
with the cage door open (last night he let them out for the second day and I
found one and then the cat found the other and I put it back) So maybe he
knows that he cannot climb up things like he had ben doing.

> More important is how you behaved afterwards and I think you did fine.
Have
> you talked to him since about how he feels about it all?

Talking to him about important stuff is somewhat silly. He's still just
about 3, and all I hear about is his (not so new anymore) Bob the Builder
bag, brand new Buzz Lightyear shoes and how he poked Grandpa in the eye a
month ago.

> Hang in there, you're doing okay.
>
>
> --
> Paul Griffiths
>
>

[CME]

"©kat©" > wrote in message
news:DXwnb.58532$EO3.12616@clgrps13...
>
> "Megan" > wrote in message
> news:GLjnb.199843$9l5.175691@pd7tw2no...
> > I think you might need to take some anger management classes...soon.
>
> Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I lived through a MAJORLY colicky baby not
that
> long ago, and I learned fast what I do and do not need to do. I don't
think
> I remember a time that I actually yelled at him, aside from the odd, "stop
> that!" or something similar, and I've never found myself yelling and
> screaming like there's no tomorrow. Raising my voice, I've found, grabs
his
> attention often when I've needed it, and a sharp, "cut that out" has never
> given be problems.
>
> >You
> > need to realize that your child comes first and it might be time to let
> the
> > animals go to a better suited home.
>
> Maybe that is why my birds are going to a new home with someone who enjoys
> birds and can give them the attention they need? Perhaps not everything
has
> been handed down to me for my own personal amusement, and driving across
the
> city not only takes time, it takes gas as well.
>
> >A child needs to be taught how to act
> > towards others and animals, as a mom that is your job, i'm afraid you're
> > about to be fired.
>
> Really? I think you should be fired as a human being. I guess I could
> always look at getting a lion instead of a cat and a pair of emus instead
of
> budgies - at least the bigger of the animals could defend themselves by
> ripping us all apart, rather than run.
>
> >I hope someone near you has the good sense in calling
> > Child and Family Services.
>
> Good thing I talked to my mom first. But, again, she don't know her head
> from her ass. She said that he had a good bump, but other than that, she
> said he'd survive Also, my mom wouldn't know nothing when it comes to
> anything. 20+ years raising her own children and over a quarter of a
> century being a social worker in child protection. Believe me, I know my
> mom would not hesitate an iota of a second to call social services if she
> thought he was in any type of trouble or harm. Why don't you call and
repor
> t me, then? If you give me a couple hours, I'll look through all my
school
> notes and papers from last year's school and work and volunteer work, and
> I'll get you a number to call.
> Not once did child welfare cross my mind and all I had been feeling was
> related to me, and my son, and nothing more.
>

Wow, you handled that better than I did! lol Nice to see you still have
your sense of humour ;)

Christine

[CME]

"©kat©" > wrote in message
news:chznb.64167$EO3.55765@clgrps13...
>
> "CME" > wrote in message
> news:PXonb.52591$zx2.24436@edtnps84...
> >
> > <'Kate> wrote in message
> ...
> > > On Mon, 27 Oct 2003 23:37:56 GMT, "©kat©" >
> > > >Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
> huge,
> > I
> > > >really do mean HUGE...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> > hallway
> > > >and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > > >eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
> snuck
> > up
> > > >in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top
> of
> > my
> > > >closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
> > alive,
> > > >given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
> > couple
> > > >days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches
him.
> > > >Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid
of
> > > >her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a
lot
> > of
> > > >crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly,
clean,
> > good
> > > >cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to
others
> > and
> > > >animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will
take
> > one
> > > >warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for
> no
> > > >reason before she's gone.
> > > >This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again
found
> > him
> > > >on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> > > >because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> > objects
> > > >in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've
been
> > > >telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the
> first
> > > >place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
> > room -
> > > >kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he
instantly
> > ran
> > > >to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I
> stood
> > > >there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying
to
> > open
> > > >it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
> it.
> > > >He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up
> the
> > > >stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
> > often
> > > >sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> > literally
> > > >sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he
had
> a
> > > >HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was
my
> > > >fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
> > calm
> > > >myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
> > upstairs.
> > > >I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
> human
> > > >being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> > obviously
> > > >away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up
and
> > > >started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
> > blanket
> > > >and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we
both
> > fell
> > > >asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room
> to
> > > >sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no
> way
> > I
> > > >could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was
> putting
> > ice
> > > >on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> > > >I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
> > huge
> > > >bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> > services...
> > > >How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals
> and
> > you
> > > >smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as
> long
> > as
> > > >I can remember...
> > > >I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
> make
> > > >the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she
gets
> > > >here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and
the
> > baby
> > > >is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out...
This
> > > >really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what
I
> > > >did...
> > > >
> > >
> > > It was an accident. You were angry, that's true. However, you were
not
> > > trying to hurt him. You were working to keep him from harming a
living
> > > thing. You were also overtired because of his behavior. That's
probably
> > > something to work on in the future - his sleep habits.
> > >
> > > If anyone says anything, just tell them that you didn't expect him to
be
> > > behind the door when you opened it. That's the truth.
> > >
> > > Kids, by the way, make lousy doorstops.
> > >
> > > 'Kate
> > >
> >
> > LOL I remember a time that I did the same thing, my son got the door
knob
> > right in the forehead... ohhh the tears. He had a purple circle for a
> good
> > week... ahhh the memories. I think I even have a photo kicking around.
lol
> >
> > Kat, you beat yourself up far too much... I think you're doing a great
> job.
> > If you need a coffee, you know where to find me. ;)
> >
> > Christine
> >
> >
> Ha! Last time, lunch turned into a puke session - good thing it was a
warm
> day and not bad for being shirtless for a little while - and surely people
> must have wondered what I had done to make my own child puke... LOL
> I really think half a bottle of vodka sounds fantastic right about now!
> HAHA
>

Yeah, letting him experience the hot sauce, was perhaps the wrong lesson for
him to learn that day. lol Ahhhh the wonders of being 3.

Christine

[CME]

"Paul Fritz" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Dennis Here" oureply>
> wrote in message ...
> >
> >
> >
> > Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
> > BUT
> > A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of
the
> > cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired
child
> > wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these
factors
> > and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and
prevention
> > take priority.
> >
> > Dennis
>
>
> I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not WRT
her
> reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the first
> place.
>

My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something??? For
crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
normal little boy.

Christine

[Andrew]

Hi,

I would just like to agree with the bulk of the posts, accidents happen and
being tired makes it all harder. I like the positive steps suggested by all
the posts, for example no afternoon nap, at around 3 years old my daughter
stopped afternoon napping and it really helped with my own sleeping hours
and she was more tired around bedtime. Also we do the routine, we talk about
Nick Jr's bedtime business song and do the teeth, PJ's, toilet etc in the
same order every evening to start preparing her for bed. As regards hurting
animals talking to my daughter (4 and a half) I know she has very little
real understanding of how her actions can hurt other living things
(including parents!), still a very self centred world and expecting anything
she has stepped on to spring back to life if she feels it should. I hope
letting it out to your mum and everyone else has helped let off steam, I
sympathise with the shortage of people you can talk to about it but from the
look of support from the people here trust you don't feel quite so bad. The
people in the flat below us have a 3 year old daughter that screams really
dramatically, cries, kicks up a fuss all the time and seems to choose
similar hours to your son so please don't feel that he 'has to be some kind
of bad kid' or anything.Their daughter also naps in the afternoon so it may
be the link if you can make him last the day.. I am no expert as I am doing
this for the first time (the child raising I mean) but IMO it all boils down
to 'he is 3'

Andrew (formerly mis posted as a Mike, sorry again)
"CME" > wrote in message
news:S%Bnb.66277$zx2.38334@edtnps84...
>
> "Paul Fritz" > wrote in message
> ...
> >
> > "Dennis Here"
oureply>
> > wrote in message ...
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
> > > BUT
> > > A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of
> the
> > > cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired
> child
> > > wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these
> factors
> > > and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and
> prevention
> > > take priority.
> > >
> > > Dennis
> >
> >
> > I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not WRT
> her
> > reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the first
> > place.
> >
>
> My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something??? For
> crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
> normal little boy.
>
> Christine
>
>

[Dennis Here]

CME wrote in message ...

>My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something???

Yeah, we all know that you starved him you terrible mother you ;-)

>For
>crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
>normal little boy.


No. Roaming the house at 3am and doing things he has been specifically told
not to do is not normal, 3yo. or otherwise.

Dennis

[Paul Fritz]

"Dennis Here" oureply>
wrote in message ...
>
>
>
> Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
> BUT
> A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of the
> cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired child
> wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these factors
> and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and prevention
> take priority.
>
> Dennis


I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not WRT her
reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the first
place.

>
>

[CME]

"Dennis Here" oureply>
wrote in message ...
>
> CME wrote in message ...
>
> >My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something???
>
> Yeah, we all know that you starved him you terrible mother you ;-)
>

Guess he had a craving for fish sticks...

> >For
> >crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
> >normal little boy.
>
>
> No. Roaming the house at 3am and doing things he has been specifically
told
> not to do is not normal, 3yo. or otherwise.
>
> Dennis
>

Well the sleep habits need work, but as far as him killing animals that's
pretty normal, but I say limit his exposure to them until he's older
otherwise there won't be any left. :P

Christine

[Betsy]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:SOHnb.74072$EO3.34704@clgrps13...
>
> "Dennis Here" oureply>
> wrote in message ...
> >
> > CME wrote in message ...
> >
> > >My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something???
> >
> > Yeah, we all know that you starved him you terrible mother you ;-)
> >
>
> Guess he had a craving for fish sticks...
>
> > >For
> > >crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being
a
> > >normal little boy.
> >
> >
> > No. Roaming the house at 3am and doing things he has been specifically
> told
> > not to do is not normal, 3yo. or otherwise.
> >
> > Dennis
> >
>
> Well the sleep habits need work, but as far as him killing animals that's
> pretty normal, but I say limit his exposure to them until he's older
> otherwise there won't be any left. :P
>
> Christine
>
>
>

I have to add my 2 cents here. Yes the sleep habits need work, I agree. If
limiting or eliminating the afternoon nap, and setting up a bedtime routine
doesn't work; there MAY be something more going on. It could be physical or
emotional, or even neurochemical. I reccommend trying the solutions
suggested, and possibly an eval by the pediatrician. Sometimes kids just
get their sleep/wake cycle off kilter for some reason. I don't think it's
serious, except that being up at 3 am when the rest of the house is asleep
can be dangerous. I wish you the best, and hope you can discover the best
resolution as quickly as possible for all concerned.

Best of luck
Betsy

[Paul Fritz]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:S%Bnb.66277$zx2.38334@edtnps84...
>
> "Paul Fritz" > wrote in message
> ...
> >
> > "Dennis Here"
oureply>
> > wrote in message ...
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
> > > BUT
> > > A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of
> the
> > > cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired
> child
> > > wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these
> factors
> > > and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and
> prevention
> > > take priority.
> > >
> > > Dennis
> >
> >
> > I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not WRT
> her
> > reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the first
> > place.
> >
>
> My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something??? For
> crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
> normal little boy.
>
> Christine

It is not one incident, but the combination of all the behaviors. Obviously
the child is not doing what he is told and repeating the same/similar
behaviors. My guess is that her parenting style is enabling him in that
path (that is not to say she is a 'bad' mother of has bad intentions) Kids
learn what they can get away with, and will continue to push the
boundaries......it sounds like this child has established the boundaries
pretty wide.


>
>

[CME]

"Betsy" > wrote in message
...
>
> "CME" > wrote in message
> news:SOHnb.74072$EO3.34704@clgrps13...
> >
> > "Dennis Here"
oureply>
> > wrote in message ...
> > >
> > > CME wrote in message ...
> > >
> > > >My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean
something???
> > >
> > > Yeah, we all know that you starved him you terrible mother you ;-)
> > >
> >
> > Guess he had a craving for fish sticks...
> >
> > > >For
> > > >crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than
being
> a
> > > >normal little boy.
> > >
> > >
> > > No. Roaming the house at 3am and doing things he has been specifically
> > told
> > > not to do is not normal, 3yo. or otherwise.
> > >
> > > Dennis
> > >
> >
> > Well the sleep habits need work, but as far as him killing animals
that's
> > pretty normal, but I say limit his exposure to them until he's older
> > otherwise there won't be any left. :P
> >
> > Christine
> >
> >
> >
>
> I have to add my 2 cents here. Yes the sleep habits need work, I agree.
If
> limiting or eliminating the afternoon nap, and setting up a bedtime
routine
> doesn't work; there MAY be something more going on. It could be physical
or
> emotional, or even neurochemical. I reccommend trying the solutions
> suggested, and possibly an eval by the pediatrician. Sometimes kids just
> get their sleep/wake cycle off kilter for some reason. I don't think it's
> serious, except that being up at 3 am when the rest of the house is asleep
> can be dangerous. I wish you the best, and hope you can discover the best
> resolution as quickly as possible for all concerned.
>
> Best of luck
> Betsy
>

I hope you're referring to Kat, as she was the original poster...

Christine

[CME]

"Paul Fritz" > wrote in message
...
>
> "CME" > wrote in message
> news:S%Bnb.66277$zx2.38334@edtnps84...
> >
> > "Paul Fritz" > wrote in message
> > ...
> > >
> > > "Dennis Here"
> oureply>
> > > wrote in message ...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
> > > > BUT
> > > > A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future
of
> > the
> > > > cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired
> > child
> > > > wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these
> > factors
> > > > and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and
> > prevention
> > > > take priority.
> > > >
> > > > Dennis
> > >
> > >
> > > I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not
WRT
> > her
> > > reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the
first
> > > place.
> > >
> >
> > My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something???
For
> > crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
> > normal little boy.
> >
> > Christine
>
> It is not one incident, but the combination of all the behaviors.
Obviously
> the child is not doing what he is told and repeating the same/similar
> behaviors. My guess is that her parenting style is enabling him in that
> path (that is not to say she is a 'bad' mother of has bad intentions)
Kids
> learn what they can get away with, and will continue to push the
> boundaries......it sounds like this child has established the boundaries
> pretty wide.
>

Oh ok, gottcha. Yeah, I agree. I think some parents try to befriend their
children, or have their household more democratic where in some situations,
that is harmful. I have alot of fun with my kids, but when I say no, I mean
no and they know that. I got the feeling that Kat is unsure of herself as a
parent, for whatever reason... but that was my observation based on one
meeting, so what do I know? My parenting style differs, but then again, I
can be very strict because if I give my children an inch, they take 10
miles.

Christine

[Betsy]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:lfRnb.76964$EO3.27407@clgrps13...
>
> "Betsy" > wrote in message
> ...
> >
> > "CME" > wrote in message
> > news:SOHnb.74072$EO3.34704@clgrps13...
> > >
> > > "Dennis Here"
> oureply>
> > > wrote in message ...
> > > >
> > > > CME wrote in message ...
> > > >
> > > > >My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean
> something???
> > > >
> > > > Yeah, we all know that you starved him you terrible mother you ;-)
> > > >
> > >
> > > Guess he had a craving for fish sticks...
> > >
> > > > >For
> > > > >crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than
> being
> > a
> > > > >normal little boy.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > No. Roaming the house at 3am and doing things he has been
specifically
> > > told
> > > > not to do is not normal, 3yo. or otherwise.
> > > >
> > > > Dennis
> > > >
> > >
> > > Well the sleep habits need work, but as far as him killing animals
> that's
> > > pretty normal, but I say limit his exposure to them until he's older
> > > otherwise there won't be any left. :P
> > >
> > > Christine
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> > I have to add my 2 cents here. Yes the sleep habits need work, I agree.
> If
> > limiting or eliminating the afternoon nap, and setting up a bedtime
> routine
> > doesn't work; there MAY be something more going on. It could be
physical
> or
> > emotional, or even neurochemical. I reccommend trying the solutions
> > suggested, and possibly an eval by the pediatrician. Sometimes kids
just
> > get their sleep/wake cycle off kilter for some reason. I don't think
it's
> > serious, except that being up at 3 am when the rest of the house is
asleep
> > can be dangerous. I wish you the best, and hope you can discover the
best
> > resolution as quickly as possible for all concerned.
> >
> > Best of luck
> > Betsy
> >
>
> I hope you're referring to Kat, as she was the original poster...
>
> Christine
>
>
>
Yes, sorry should have specified. Don't be too harsh with my punishment.
Had enough beatings from my own health lately.

Betsy

[Paul Fritz]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:ftRnb.77091$EO3.9542@clgrps13...
>
> > It is not one incident, but the combination of all the behaviors.
> Obviously
> > the child is not doing what he is told and repeating the same/similar
> > behaviors. My guess is that her parenting style is enabling him in that
> > path (that is not to say she is a 'bad' mother of has bad intentions)
> Kids
> > learn what they can get away with, and will continue to push the
> > boundaries......it sounds like this child has established the boundaries
> > pretty wide.
> >
>
> Oh ok, gottcha. Yeah, I agree. I think some parents try to befriend
their
> children, or have their household more democratic where in some
situations,
> that is harmful. I have alot of fun with my kids, but when I say no, I
mean
> no and they know that. I got the feeling that Kat is unsure of herself as
a
> parent, for whatever reason... but that was my observation based on one
> meeting, so what do I know? My parenting style differs, but then again, I
> can be very strict because if I give my children an inch, they take 10
> miles.
>
> Christine
>

My ex was (is) much more permissive/forgiving/passive than me..........there
is stuff our daughter did (does) that would never be tolerated by me, and
she does not do it when she is with me, but around her mom, it is a
different story, and now she is dealing with the consequences of 13 years of
learned behavior.

>

[Paul Fritz]

Climbing to the top shelf of a closet twice is not getting up to go to the
bathroom (at least I hope not)

<'Kate> wrote in message ...
> On Wed, 29 Oct 2003 07:46:29 -0500, "Paul Fritz"
> >
> >
> >"CME" > wrote in message
> >news:S%Bnb.66277$zx2.38334@edtnps84...
> >>
> >> "Paul Fritz" > wrote in message
> >> ...
> >> >
> >> > "Dennis Here"
> oureply>
> >> > wrote in message ...
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
> >> > > BUT
> >> > > A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future
of
> >> the
> >> > > cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over
tired
> >> child
> >> > > wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these
> >> factors
> >> > > and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and
> >> prevention
> >> > > take priority.
> >> > >
> >> > > Dennis
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not
WRT
> >> her
> >> > reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the
first
> >> > place.
> >> >
> >>
> >> My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something???
For
> >> crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being
a
> >> normal little boy.
> >>
> >> Christine
> >
> >It is not one incident, but the combination of all the behaviors.
Obviously
> >the child is not doing what he is told and repeating the same/similar
> >behaviors. My guess is that her parenting style is enabling him in that
> >path (that is not to say she is a 'bad' mother of has bad intentions)
Kids
> >learn what they can get away with, and will continue to push the
> >boundaries......it sounds like this child has established the boundaries
> >pretty wide.
>
> Or... he has to get up to go to the bathroom and cannot get back to
> sleep right away.
>
> 'Kate

[SisterGoldenHair]

Kat..have you considered calling someone ? i have 3 children ,oldest is ADHD/ODD/PTSD and gifted..one who has delays in speech
language.. and youngest is ODD, and shows signs of gifted may be ADHD, I too am ADHD and gifted, diagnosed last yr. I've went
with youngest to her anger mangement courses and learned a few things about how we as parents react to the anger... if our kids see
us falling for their angry outbursts by getting angry ourselves, etc they keep acting up. I'm using a program called one-two-three
magic and trying hard not to fall for the negative..
first step is to talk to your Doctor, have your son tested for ADHD, ODD and other disorders that may or may not cause behaviour
problems. My youngest is not on medication, my oldest is and is a handful... teenager now, I'm having more problems with her than
my 2 younger children. in the one two three program .. they state we expect our kids to understand us, be little adults.. and do as
told...
try your local library to see if they have the video and book.. I contacted a childrens mental health centre re the family stress
issues, it was them that offered the program to my family.
feel free to message me if you have yahoo.. i have a lot of resources and links to send

--
REMOVE removethis to reply

http://ca.profiles.yahoo.com/evilla2
http://ca.profiles.yahoo.com/classsicrockermom

"©kat©" > wrote in message news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By huge, I
> really do mean HUGE...
>
>
> Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the hallway
> and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he snuck up
> in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of my
> closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them alive,
> given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past couple
> days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
> crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean, good
> cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others and
> animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take one
> warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> reason before she's gone.
> This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found him
> on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard objects
> in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room -
> kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly ran
> to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to open
> it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
> He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it often
> sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him, literally
> sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had a
> HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to calm
> myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back upstairs.
> I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
> being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them, obviously
> away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a blanket
> and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both fell
> asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way I
> could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting ice
> on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his huge
> bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social services...
> How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and you
> smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long as
> I can remember...
> I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and make
> the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the baby
> is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> did...
>
>

[Rhonda]

I just walked in on this thread and remembered an incident when my
eldest son was six years old. The incident was different but the
feelings were the same. It was the first couple of weeks of Sunday
religious school and one particular Sunday we got the pick-up time
mixed up. We thought that it was over at 12:30 while, in fact, it was
over at 12:00. When we arrived, I heard screaming coming from the
hallway and it took awhile before I figured out what was going on. My
son was hysterical. He was so petrified. He thought that we had
forgotten about him or abandoned him. I have never felt so devastated
as when I heard the horrible screams coming from my son. I just felt
so heartbroken and such a sense of guilt. It took me a long while to
get over it and, to this day, I still shudder when I think of that
incident.

[SisterGoldenHair]

You don't need to explain why you had birds etc.. I called childrens services myself for assistance when childrens behaviour got
worse... don't let rude remarks get to you :) and yes anger management classes are good, parent support groups and local mom and
tots programs
I find a lot of people who reply negatively with comments uncalled for are petty and childish.. they need anger management..
just my 2 cents

--
REMOVE removethis to reply

http://ca.profiles.yahoo.com/evilla2
http://ca.profiles.yahoo.com/classsicrockermom

"©kat©" > wrote in message news:DXwnb.58532$EO3.12616@clgrps13...
>
> "Megan" > wrote in message
> news:GLjnb.199843$9l5.175691@pd7tw2no...
> > I think you might need to take some anger management classes...soon.
>
> Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I lived through a MAJORLY colicky baby not that
> long ago, and I learned fast what I do and do not need to do. I don't think
> I remember a time that I actually yelled at him, aside from the odd, "stop
> that!" or something similar, and I've never found myself yelling and
> screaming like there's no tomorrow. Raising my voice, I've found, grabs his
> attention often when I've needed it, and a sharp, "cut that out" has never
> given be problems.
>
> >You
> > need to realize that your child comes first and it might be time to let
> the
> > animals go to a better suited home.
>
> Maybe that is why my birds are going to a new home with someone who enjoys
> birds and can give them the attention they need? Perhaps not everything has
> been handed down to me for my own personal amusement, and driving across the
> city not only takes time, it takes gas as well.
>
> >A child needs to be taught how to act
> > towards others and animals, as a mom that is your job, i'm afraid you're
> > about to be fired.
>
> Really? I think you should be fired as a human being. I guess I could
> always look at getting a lion instead of a cat and a pair of emus instead of
> budgies - at least the bigger of the animals could defend themselves by
> ripping us all apart, rather than run.
>
> >I hope someone near you has the good sense in calling
> > Child and Family Services.
>
> Good thing I talked to my mom first. But, again, she don't know her head
> from her ass. She said that he had a good bump, but other than that, she
> said he'd survive Also, my mom wouldn't know nothing when it comes to
> anything. 20+ years raising her own children and over a quarter of a
> century being a social worker in child protection. Believe me, I know my
> mom would not hesitate an iota of a second to call social services if she
> thought he was in any type of trouble or harm. Why don't you call and repor
> t me, then? If you give me a couple hours, I'll look through all my school
> notes and papers from last year's school and work and volunteer work, and
> I'll get you a number to call.
> Not once did child welfare cross my mind and all I had been feeling was
> related to me, and my son, and nothing more.
>
> >
> > "©kat©" > wrote in message
> > news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> > > Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
> huge,
> > I
> > > really do mean HUGE...
> > >
> > >
> > > Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> > hallway
> > > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
> snuck
> > up
> > > in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
> > my
> > > closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
> > alive,
> > > given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
> couple
> > > days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> > > Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> > > her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
> of
> > > crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
> > good
> > > cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
> > and
> > > animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
> one
> > > warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> > > reason before she's gone.
> > > This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
> him
> > > on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> > > because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> > objects
> > > in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> > > telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> > > place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
> room -
> > > kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
> > ran
> > > to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> > > there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
> > open
> > > it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
> it.
> > > He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> > > stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
> often
> > > sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> > literally
> > > sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
> a
> > > HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> > > fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
> calm
> > > myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
> upstairs.
> > > I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
> human
> > > being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> > obviously
> > > away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> > > started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
> > blanket
> > > and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
> > fell
> > > asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> > > sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way
> I
> > > could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
> > ice
> > > on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> > > I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
> huge
> > > bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> > services...
> > > How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
> > you
> > > smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
> > as
> > > I can remember...
> > > I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
> make
> > > the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> > > here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
> > baby
> > > is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> > > really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> > > did...
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>

[©kat©]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:RJBnb.65727$zx2.59381@edtnps84...
>
> "©kat©" > wrote in message
> news:chznb.64167$EO3.55765@clgrps13...
> >
> > "CME" > wrote in message
> > news:PXonb.52591$zx2.24436@edtnps84...
> > >
> > > <'Kate> wrote in message
> > ...
> > > > On Mon, 27 Oct 2003 23:37:56 GMT, "©kat©" >
> > > > >Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
> > huge,
> > > I
> > > > >really do mean HUGE...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> > > hallway
> > > > >and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > > > >eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
> > snuck
> > > up
> > > > >in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the
top
> > of
> > > my
> > > > >closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find
them
> > > alive,
> > > > >given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
> > > couple
> > > > >days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches
> him.
> > > > >Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid
> of
> > > > >her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a
> lot
> > > of
> > > > >crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly,
> clean,
> > > good
> > > > >cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to
> others
> > > and
> > > > >animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will
> take
> > > one
> > > > >warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching
for
> > no
> > > > >reason before she's gone.
> > > > >This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again
> found
> > > him
> > > > >on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it
then
> > > > >because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> > > objects
> > > > >in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've
> been
> > > > >telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the
> > first
> > > > >place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
> > > room -
> > > > >kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he
> instantly
> > > ran
> > > > >to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I
> > stood
> > > > >there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and
trying
> to
> > > open
> > > > >it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just
kicked
> > it.
> > > > >He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it
up
> > the
> > > > >stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because
it
> > > often
> > > > >sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> > > literally
> > > > >sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he
> had
> > a
> > > > >HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was
> my
> > > > >fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs
to
> > > calm
> > > > >myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
> > > upstairs.
> > > > >I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
> > human
> > > > >being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> > > obviously
> > > > >away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up
> and
> > > > >started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in
a
> > > blanket
> > > > >and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we
> both
> > > fell
> > > > >asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his
room
> > to
> > > > >sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's
no
> > way
> > > I
> > > > >could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was
> > putting
> > > ice
> > > > >on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad
mother...
> > > > >I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see
his
> > > huge
> > > > >bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> > > services...
> > > > >How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to
animals
> > and
> > > you
> > > > >smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as
> > long
> > > as
> > > > >I can remember...
> > > > >I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down
and
> > make
> > > > >the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she
> gets
> > > > >here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and
> the
> > > baby
> > > > >is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out...
> This
> > > > >really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about
what
> I
> > > > >did...
> > > > >
> > > >
> > > > It was an accident. You were angry, that's true. However, you were
> not
> > > > trying to hurt him. You were working to keep him from harming a
> living
> > > > thing. You were also overtired because of his behavior. That's
> probably
> > > > something to work on in the future - his sleep habits.
> > > >
> > > > If anyone says anything, just tell them that you didn't expect him
to
> be
> > > > behind the door when you opened it. That's the truth.
> > > >
> > > > Kids, by the way, make lousy doorstops.
> > > >
> > > > 'Kate
> > > >
> > >
> > > LOL I remember a time that I did the same thing, my son got the door
> knob
> > > right in the forehead... ohhh the tears. He had a purple circle for a
> > good
> > > week... ahhh the memories. I think I even have a photo kicking around.
> lol
> > >
> > > Kat, you beat yourself up far too much... I think you're doing a great
> > job.
> > > If you need a coffee, you know where to find me. ;)
> > >
> > > Christine
> > >
> > >
> > Ha! Last time, lunch turned into a puke session - good thing it was a
> warm
> > day and not bad for being shirtless for a little while - and surely
people
> > must have wondered what I had done to make my own child puke... LOL
> > I really think half a bottle of vodka sounds fantastic right about now!
> > HAHA
> >
>
> Yeah, letting him experience the hot sauce, was perhaps the wrong lesson
for
> him to learn that day. lol Ahhhh the wonders of being 3.
>
> Christine
>

I think it was equally as bad of a lesson for me as well that day... He
asked, and I'm sure if you remember the same way I do, I had told him he
wouldn't like it, it was yucky, it's hot (something along those lines)
I also learned that bringing an extra set of clothing at 2 and a half is a
necessity... No longer will I think extra clothes are for small babies...
Silly boy got what was coming to him that time, in a way. He always wants
to eat and taste things, so maybe he'll remember when Wes takes him out for
something to eat... Maybe he'll start believing me when I tell him something
and know that I'm not lying to him or telling him something just to hear my
own voice (something that happens around here all too often) He now usually
doesn't want something when Wes (and only Wes) tells him he won't like it.
Crazy and insane little boy...

[©kat©]

"Tiffany" > wrote in message
...
>
> ©kat© > wrote in message
> news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> > Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
> I
> > really do mean HUGE...
> >
> >
> > Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
> hallway
> > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
> up
> > in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
> my
> > closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
> alive,
> > given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
> > days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> > Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> > her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
> > crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
> good
> > cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
> and
> > animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
> > warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> > reason before she's gone.
> > This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
> > on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> > because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
> objects
> > in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> > telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> > place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
> > kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
> ran
> > to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> > there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
> open
> > it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
> > He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> > stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
> > sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
> literally
> > sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
a
> > HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> > fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
> > myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
> > I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
> > being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
> obviously
> > away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> > started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
> blanket
> > and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
> fell
> > asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> > sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way
I
> > could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
> ice
> > on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> > I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
> > bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
> services...
> > How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
> you
> > smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
> as
> > I can remember...
> > I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
> > the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> > here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
> baby
> > is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> > really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> > did...
> >
> >
>
> I think you have learnt a great lesson...... don't ever throw a door open.
> It was an accident though so don't sweat it. If you find that you get
really
> angry a lot then think of ways to eliminate the stressors. That might mean
> finding a home for the gerbils. If you are near me, I would love to house
> them. I don't know about the issues with your son, never had to deal with
> that. Sounds scary to me but as Paul said, his son went through that stage
> too. If the gerbils are gone, there is one less thing for your son to
> terrorize and to possibly harm himself with his climbing. The cat....
> de-claw maybe? The say that screaming and yelling at a kid is NOT
affective
> though so re think how you coup. Nothing wrong with calling a hotline for
> suggestions. Good luck.
>



Yes, I figured out something that I should have, and definitely did know,
from the start. I just didn't expect him to be with his face to the door
when I opened it after he had stopped kicking and banging... Had he still
been banging and kicking the door, I most likely would have walked away from
it, stood in front of it (like I did) or smashed it down with caution (door
sticks, it seems, and it's hard to open 95% of the time and needs a good
shove to get open)
I hope he learned some kind of lesson as well - doors + children = bad news.
He now points out his 'owie' to the world and when people look at him and me
in shock, they ask him what on earth happend, once their jaws go back into
place, and he says, "door" so I do think he knows, one way or another.
Met the girl who wanted the pair of birds earlier this afternoon. She took
them and when B asked where the birds were going and I told him they were
going to a new home where they can be properly cared for (Not neglected or
tortured or whatever) he didn't really question it, which was the opposite
of what I had expected. He said goodbye to the birds, and I promised him
another bird when he's older and can take care of his birds more on his own.
He seemed to have liked that answer.
Since the gerbils were let out again this morning, and not the morning
before, I said **** it. I figured the gerbils can die in a corner or vent
if that's what it would take. This one gerbil, Stompy, keeps torturing me
and coming out from somewhere in my room, looking at me, and as I move
slowly toward it, it runs away and I go crazy chasing it for 15 mins until I
think to hell with it. I trapped the other one, Blackie, in a corner and
put it in its cage about an hour or two ago, but this stupid second one has
made its new home under my hope chest. To hell with that one for real.
I know Paul said his son went through something similar, but I recall it was
somewhere around age 8. My son is almost 1/3 that age and doing something
somewhat similar.
As for the cat, I don't really see her as any type of real problem. She
doesn't attack ever. She has yet to scratch me, but again, I don't try and
drag her around by her head or tail. Declawing seems, to me, quite
pointless because then the cat has absolutely nothing to defend herself with
in the case that she does need to. I used to trim the old cat's claws, but
never did with her because it would be a battle every single time. Ok, I
lied, I've been scratch at Kitty Nail Clipping sessions... I have now been
trimming the cat's claws once a week, and cutting them down as far as I
possibly can without making her bleed. I then file the claws down so
they're not sharp and have nothing left to snag on something, and I haven't
noticed anymore scratches, but again, the past couple days or so, I haven't
seen the baby attacking or being mean to the cat. Right now, declawing
would be pointless and a total waste of money that I really can't afford to
spend on declawing. Maybe I'm crazy, but he stopped being outwardly mean to
the cat when I sat him down on the couch and told him that he can't be mean
to Bailey, and if he is, Bailey will have to go to a new home, and once
Bailey is gone, there will be no more kitties around here for a very, very,
very long time. I told him that if I ever saw him being mean to her by
dragging her around any way at all, kicking her, hitting her, etc., I would
do the same thing to him to show him what it felt like. (My mom told me
when he went through a bad biting stage after he started daycare a couple
years ago to bite him back when he bit me or someone else... I just couldn't
do it, but by 2 he seemed to have maybe understood when I finally told him I
would bite him back, or maybe he just grew past that stage) I don't think
I'd be able to drag him around a room by his head, and I know I couldn't
drag him around by his tail, but whatever it was, he seems to have had some
kind of sense of not being mean to the cat knocked into him... Maybe it was
the door?
I don't know... I suppose it's one thing at a time, and now with the birds
out of my face it's easier to move on to the next thing... (birds I didn't
really have the time for and things that were completely defenseless against
a toddler) Not sure if the cat thing has been resolved or not because it's
only been a day or two, but next thing to work on is the gerbils, and I
think I will go to the dollar store tomorrow and pick up a small lock (as
someone had suggested) or maybe a tight fitting aquarium lid that actually
closes tight and is harder to get opened.
I'm hoping my dad can come over and help me out with the big aquarium and
help me put it up on those cement blocks high enough so that he cannot reach
it, and somehow fix it so that the lid cannot just be taken off as easily as
I found out it could.
I just find it kinda strange that he seems to be somewhat mean to animals.
Not once have I been mean to any of these animals, or any animals for that
matter. He's really good with kids and even babies, and he treats his toys
really good. He has his "baby" which is a stuffed alien doll that a friend
of mine got him from one of those toy cranes, and he used to sleep with it
beside him on his bed, and every night I'd bring him his 'baby' and tuck him
and the alien in, kiss him good night, and then he'd want me to tuck the
alien in and kiss it good night too. He'd then turn over and kiss the alien
as well, so he's not destructive or mean. It just seems to be the animals.
He doesn't ever break things just for the hell of it, so I'm really not sure
what to think, but maybe it's still too early to have anything to think
about... I really don't know.

Wow... that was way too long and probably made no sense at 4am.

[©kat©]

"Vickychick" > wrote in message
om...
> "©kat©" > wrote in message
news:<o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84>...
>
> > Last night, he was up til 3am xxxx around in his room and in the hallway
> > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep...
>
>
> You know a tired mom is not a happy mom. Have you tried setting some
> different bedtime hours? My son would stay up for hours and it was
> exhausting! Perhaps increase his physical activity or dance with him
> to burn off excess energy for you as well!
>

It seems that he wants to be up at strange hours, and I just can't seem to
sleep... Hell, it's 4am, and I've crawled in and out of bed at least 4 times
already... I try and get out with him as often as I can, even if it's just
a 2 block walk to the store. Fresh air and running around do make him tired
come bed time, but again, he always seems to get up and wander at the
strangest of hours.

>
> snip
>
> > Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> > her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
> > crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
> > cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
and
> > animals...
>
>
> Have you tried to find the cat a good home where your son can still
> visit? Or maybe take your son to an animal shelter to "help" out with
> the animals to give a sense of caring for animals.

I have tried to find a home for the cat, but really, no one seems to want a
full grown, adult cat. People like kittens it seems. They're small, cute,
fluffy and adorable, but they do turn into cats, which are always far from
small, cute, fluffy and adorable. It seems someone would much rather find a
kitten from someone's litter of kittens that are being given away for free
everywhere I look.

> snip I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room
> -
> > kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
ran
> > to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> > there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
> > it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
> > He knows there's no screaming like that in the house.
>
>
> I would really consider redirecting my parenting style. It really
> sounds like you are stressed and what you are doing (yelling) is not
> working. Do you have family center or can you take some type of class?
>

I am lacking sleep cause I just can't seem to sleep for the past couple
weeks. I've been having major problems with my back and entire left side.
My whole left side from my shoulder down sometimes goes completely numb. My
back kind of locks up, and sitting, standing or laying down many different
ways just doesn't seem to cut it, which, I think, plays a part in not being
able to sleep. Without seeing an actual specialist, and going just by what
I've complained about over the past year already, the family doctor said
last time that he figured it might be something to do with a possible
displaced disc in my back (I think that's what he said? I can't remember)
and that's what could be causing the pain and numbness. He told me I should
consider going to see a specialist, but this crap only seems to happen every
now and then... Mainly when I walk or stand too long, sit too long, lay down
too long or something like that. It seems to help a bit if I do things in
moderation... Sit for half an hour, get up and walk around for a bit, lay
down for a while, and just kind of keep actions and movements in rotation.
I can live with it most of the time without things becoming unbearable, and
I can still get down on the floor to play with cars and trucks but again, I
have to get up every so often and move, then sit down again.
I really don't know of any classes or something similar to attend. I
thought there was one, but found out that it was for new mothers with
newborns. Another one I know of, and that I used to get some support from,
was directed for teens/young parents between certain ages. I guess I am now
past the proper ages for that. I got frustrated with that place when I was
doing some volunteer work for them for school, and I don't agree with the
ways that they seem to jerk people around, which I feel they had done to me
recently, as well as in the past.

> snip
> > I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
> > being...
>
>
> You are not a horrible piece of crap. You are a tired woman who sounds
> like she needs a support system and some guidance.

Yes, you are so right.

> snip
> > How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
you
> > smashed a door into him??
>
>
> You don't explain. It is a simple answer. "He bumped into the door."

Seems to sound better when he says it. When I tell people basically what
happened, they look at him and tell him he shouldn't be kicking and smashing
doors because something like this could (and did) happen, which, at least at
the start, made me feel somewhat better.

> snip
>
> You take care and good luck.
> V

[Tiffany]

©kat© > wrote in message
news:Ii6ob.84918$EO3.13996@clgrps13...
>
> "Tiffany" > wrote in message
> ...
> >
> > ©kat© > wrote in message
> > news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...

snipped

I don't know the whole psychology behind kids being mean to animals. I have
a girl and never had to deal with this. She use to be rough with my dog, who
was a little dog but he could run away. If she even tried to back him into a
corner, she would deal with me. I am really about kindness and non-cruelty
to animals. We do eat some meat but not much. I won't take her to animal
shows or circus'. So feeling this way, there is no way I would let the
animal stuff go on but I can't offer suggestions to help you as I haven't
dealt with it. Sorry. Why not take him to a counselor for a few sessions?

T

[Tiffany]

©kat© > wrote in message
news:gx6ob.84973$EO3.2327@clgrps13...
>
> "Vickychick" > wrote in message
> om...
> > "©kat©" > wrote in message
> news:<o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84>...
> >
> > > Last night, he was up til 3am xxxx around in his room and in the
hallway
> > > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep...
> >
> >
> > You know a tired mom is not a happy mom. Have you tried setting some
> > different bedtime hours? My son would stay up for hours and it was
> > exhausting! Perhaps increase his physical activity or dance with him
> > to burn off excess energy for you as well!
> >
>
> It seems that he wants to be up at strange hours, and I just can't seem to
> sleep... Hell, it's 4am, and I've crawled in and out of bed at least 4
times
> already... I try and get out with him as often as I can, even if it's
just
> a 2 block walk to the store. Fresh air and running around do make him
tired
> come bed time, but again, he always seems to get up and wander at the
> strangest of hours.
>
> >


Try when you give him a bath before bed to add some lavender. The best way
to do that, as essential oils aren't soluble with water is to add it to a
handful of Epsom salt then add that into the water. Or you can rub some on
the bottom of his feet. (Only a drop or two, more is NOT better for someone
that young especially) Have you did any adjustments with his diet? Not only
should you cut out sugars but also look into slowly reducing dairy and
processed foods. Is he on any meds now that could be causing him to stay
awake? If so, call the doctor. Is it possible he is sleep walking?

Just throwing some ideas out.

T

[Dennis Here]

Paul Fritz wrote in message ...
>
>My ex was (is) much more permissive/forgiving/passive than
me..........there
>is stuff our daughter did (does) that would never be tolerated by me, and
>she does not do it when she is with me, but around her mom, it is a
>different story, and now she is dealing with the consequences of 13 years
of
>learned behavior.


Children learn this acceptable/not acceptable behaviour very early and from
everyone they are in regular contact with.
My son learnt long ago that if he wants a biscuit, with some people he has
to ask politely, others he will only get one after a meal, some places he
can help himself anytime and occasionally he doesn't bother asking because
he knows the answer is no!
Consistency seems to be the overriding factor. If a parent is consistent in
their dealings with a child then that message is accepted and adopted, this
of course can be either good or bad for the child but either way it is not
the childs fault.
From my observations over the years, unruly children invariably have one or
two unruly parents.

Dennis

[steveb]

"Dennis Here" oureply>
lifted the trapdoor, peered around and wrote:

>From my observations over the years, unruly children invariably have one or
>two unruly parents.

Sometimes ... but ADHD is a recognised condition too

steveb

[©kat©]

"Tiffany" > wrote in message
...
>
> ©kat© > wrote in message
> news:Ii6ob.84918$EO3.13996@clgrps13...
> >
> > "Tiffany" > wrote in message
> > ...
> > >
> > > ©kat© > wrote in message
> > > news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
>
> snipped
>
> I don't know the whole psychology behind kids being mean to animals. I
have
> a girl and never had to deal with this. She use to be rough with my dog,
who
> was a little dog but he could run away. If she even tried to back him into
a
> corner, she would deal with me. I am really about kindness and non-cruelty
> to animals. We do eat some meat but not much. I won't take her to animal
> shows or circus'. So feeling this way, there is no way I would let the
> animal stuff go on but I can't offer suggestions to help you as I haven't
> dealt with it. Sorry. Why not take him to a counselor for a few sessions?
>
> T

He's 2, and I don't really think he's able to benefit from a counselor. I
just think it's a phase he's going through. The cat is often running from
him, but the birds obviously couldn't, which is the main reason they're gone
now. I really don't think he's going to end up being some psycho serial
killer or animal abuser because it doesn't seem like that really fits the
way he acts. I think he just gets curious and doesn't remember that kitties
are not things you can be rough with.

[Joy]

"©kat©" > wrote in message
news:gx6ob.84973$EO3.2327@clgrps13...

<delurk>

> It seems that he wants to be up at strange hours, and I just can't seem to
> sleep... Hell, it's 4am, and I've crawled in and out of bed at least 4
times
> already... I try and get out with him as often as I can, even if it's
just
> a 2 block walk to the store. Fresh air and running around do make him
tired
> come bed time, but again, he always seems to get up and wander at the
> strangest of hours.

Have you considered putting an alarm on his bedroom door? Maybe you would
sleep better if you knew an alarm would sound if he opened his door....you
can get them really cheap at places like WalMart.

<relurk>

[©kat©]

"Tiffany" > wrote in message
...
>
> ©kat© > wrote in message
> news:gx6ob.84973$EO3.2327@clgrps13...
> >
> > "Vickychick" > wrote in message
> > om...
> > > "©kat©" > wrote in message
> > news:<o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84>...
> > >
> > > > Last night, he was up til 3am xxxx around in his room and in the
> hallway
> > > > and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> > > > eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep...
> > >
> > >
> > > You know a tired mom is not a happy mom. Have you tried setting some
> > > different bedtime hours? My son would stay up for hours and it was
> > > exhausting! Perhaps increase his physical activity or dance with him
> > > to burn off excess energy for you as well!
> > >
> >
> > It seems that he wants to be up at strange hours, and I just can't seem
to
> > sleep... Hell, it's 4am, and I've crawled in and out of bed at least 4
> times
> > already... I try and get out with him as often as I can, even if it's
> just
> > a 2 block walk to the store. Fresh air and running around do make him
> tired
> > come bed time, but again, he always seems to get up and wander at the
> > strangest of hours.
> >
> > >
>
>
> Try when you give him a bath before bed to add some lavender. The best way
> to do that, as essential oils aren't soluble with water is to add it to a
> handful of Epsom salt then add that into the water. Or you can rub some on
> the bottom of his feet. (Only a drop or two, more is NOT better for
someone
> that young especially) Have you did any adjustments with his diet? Not
only
> should you cut out sugars but also look into slowly reducing dairy and
> processed foods. Is he on any meds now that could be causing him to stay
> awake? If so, call the doctor. Is it possible he is sleep walking?
>
> Just throwing some ideas out.
>
> T
>

I've never tried lavender, and actually have never heard anything like this
about it. I don't drink milk at all, and he only has a glass of milk at
breakfast, bed time, and supper. Lunch is usually water or juice, often
both, whichever he prefers. He's not a huge sweets fan... His 'cookies' are
those soup crackers or those goldfish crackers, but he will have the odd
sucker for a treat or something, so I'm not really thinking he has too much
sugar. He's on no medication at all. He has his Flintstone vitamin every
night before bed with his glass of warm milk... He's just started taking
those vitimins within the last couple months, and maybe those, along with
some nutrients, are dripping in sugar... I assume they probably are, but I
don't know. I'm trying to wear him out during the day and I'm trying to
keep him up a bit later each night.
He could be sleep walking. I know I've been told I used sleep walk (not
sure about now) and I've heard stories from my parents about the craziest of
things: rearranging the entire fridge and when asked what on earth I was
doing with the fridge a t 3am, I told my mom that the dog made a mess
outside and I had to clean it. I'm really not sure what went on... But I'm
not thinking he's sleep walking. When I find him up when he should be
sleeping, he knows he's done something he shouldn't have, and when he sees
me, often I don't even have to say anything before he runs up the stairs,
into his room and on to his bed.
I do think I'll really look into that epsom salt idea and try it out.

[©kat©]

"Joy" <fairly_happy_doesn't_need_any_more_spam@withoutspa myahoo.com> wrote
in message ...
>
> "©kat©" > wrote in message
> news:gx6ob.84973$EO3.2327@clgrps13...
>
> <delurk>
>
> > It seems that he wants to be up at strange hours, and I just can't seem
to
> > sleep... Hell, it's 4am, and I've crawled in and out of bed at least 4
> times
> > already... I try and get out with him as often as I can, even if it's
> just
> > a 2 block walk to the store. Fresh air and running around do make him
> tired
> > come bed time, but again, he always seems to get up and wander at the
> > strangest of hours.
>
> Have you considered putting an alarm on his bedroom door? Maybe you would
> sleep better if you knew an alarm would sound if he opened his door....you
> can get them really cheap at places like WalMart.
>
> <relurk>


Hm... That's actually a good idea. I thought about locking him up in his
bedroom (either tying up the door to something or putting a handle with a
lock on it on the outside) then quickly rejected those ideas for safety and
humane reasons. I figured that tying the door shut was dangerous should I
need to get in there fast in an emergency, or any reason, and the locked
doorknob gave me the same ideas of safety issues, so after those ideas
passed through my mind faster than they came to me, I was kind of out of
ideas. Maybe an alarm on his bedroom door would help, but it would be
going off every other minute at night... lol

Hahahahah Maybe I should invest in one of those fenceless fenses and collars
that they make for dogs... or maybe even one of those cat doors that work by
those magnetic keys on a cat's collar - only, of course, I'd have the
magnetic key in my hand and he could have just the collar... lololololol
Sorry, just kinda strange that came to my mind right now... hehe

[©kat©]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:S%Bnb.66277$zx2.38334@edtnps84...
>
> "Paul Fritz" > wrote in message
> ...
> >
> > "Dennis Here"
oureply>
> > wrote in message ...
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
> > > BUT
> > > A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of
> the
> > > cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired
> child
> > > wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these
> factors
> > > and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and
> prevention
> > > take priority.
> > >
> > > Dennis
> >
> >
> > I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not WRT
> her
> > reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the first
> > place.
> >
>
> My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something??? For
> crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
> normal little boy.
>
> Christine
>


Good thing is when out somewhere (walking in the field, pet store, etc) he's
not pointing out to me that he killed a bird. LOL I still chuckle when I
think about the fish eating thing... It's not really that funny, but in
ways, it's so funny I can't contain myself.
With the fish, I moved the tank way back on the shelf until my dad can help
me with the big tank, which, I hope, will be really, really soon... I
cleaned off the counter by the sink and pushed the small aquarium all the
way to the back far corner, and I haven't found my fish going psycho after
being fed a cup and a half of macaroni... I never knew those fish could swim
so fast when doped and drugged up on starch.

[©kat©]

"Andrew" > wrote in
message ...
> Hi,
>
> I would just like to agree with the bulk of the posts, accidents happen
and
> being tired makes it all harder. I like the positive steps suggested by
all
> the posts, for example no afternoon nap, at around 3 years old my daughter
> stopped afternoon napping and it really helped with my own sleeping hours
> and she was more tired around bedtime.

Yes, today he has had no nap at all. The other day we went to the mall and
had to take the bus, and he fell asleep on the bus but woke up shortly
after, and when walking home last night from the mall, around 630-7ish, he
fell asleep before we got out of the parking lot, and I carried him up to
bed as soon as we got in, and he got up once and came to my bedroom door
when I was watching some tv a few hours later, I told him it's sleeping time
and he went straight back to his room and didn't make a sound until morning.

> Also we do the routine, we talk about
> Nick Jr's bedtime business song and do the teeth, PJ's, toilet etc in the
> same order every evening to start preparing her for bed.

We do that too. I have yet to find what box all his books are in still from
moving a month ago, so sometimes I'll just make up a story or read a page of
the book I'm currently reading, even though I don't think he'd really gain
much from me reading a page of my book to him... Just kinda gives him
something to be quiet and listen to before bed, then it's pj's, washroom to
try and pee, brush teeth, wash up, vitamin, glass of warm milk and bed time.

> As regards hurting
> animals talking to my daughter (4 and a half) I know she has very little
> real understanding of how her actions can hurt other living things
> (including parents!), still a very self centred world and expecting
anything
> she has stepped on to spring back to life if she feels it should. I hope
> letting it out to your mum and everyone else has helped let off steam, I
> sympathise with the shortage of people you can talk to about it but from
the
> look of support from the people here trust you don't feel quite so bad.
The
> people in the flat below us have a 3 year old daughter that screams really
> dramatically, cries, kicks up a fuss all the time and seems to choose
> similar hours to your son so please don't feel that he 'has to be some
kind
> of bad kid' or anything.Their daughter also naps in the afternoon so it
may
> be the link if you can make him last the day.. I am no expert as I am
doing
> this for the first time (the child raising I mean) but IMO it all boils
down
> to 'he is 3'

Yea, I know what you're saying. He can be mean sometimes, but doing
something without understanding and actually trying to hurt something are
different.

> Andrew (formerly mis posted as a Mike, sorry again)
> "CME" > wrote in message
> news:S%Bnb.66277$zx2.38334@edtnps84...
> >
> > "Paul Fritz" > wrote in message
> > ...
> > >
> > > "Dennis Here"
> oureply>
> > > wrote in message ...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
> > > > BUT
> > > > A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future
of
> > the
> > > > cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired
> > child
> > > > wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these
> > factors
> > > > and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and
> > prevention
> > > > take priority.
> > > >
> > > > Dennis
> > >
> > >
> > > I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not
WRT
> > her
> > > reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the
first
> > > place.
> > >
> >
> > My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something???
For
> > crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
> > normal little boy.
> >
> > Christine
> >
> >
>
>

[turtledove]

Sweetheart, I'm gonna top post for this one. Accidents happen, even yucky
horrible ones like making a bad driving decision and causing an accident.
However, they are still just accidents. His wounds will heal and heal and
he wont' remember much of this in the years to come.

Give his as much love and affection as you can muster and continue being the
good mother we all know you are.

Much love sweets,
*b

"©kat©" > wrote in message
news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
> Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By huge,
I
> really do mean HUGE...
>
>
> Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
> and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
> eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he snuck
up
> in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
my
> closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
> given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past couple
> days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
> Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
> her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
> crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
> cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
and
> animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take one
> warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
> reason before she's gone.
> This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found him
> on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
> because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
> in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
> telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
> place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room -
> kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
ran
> to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
> there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
> it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
> He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
> stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it often
> sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
> sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had a
> HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
> fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to calm
> myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back upstairs.
> I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
> being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
> away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
> started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
> and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
fell
> asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
> sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way I
> could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
ice
> on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
> I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his huge
> bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
> How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
you
> smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
as
> I can remember...
> I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and make
> the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
> here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
baby
> is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
> really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
> did...
>
>

[Joelle]

Hey Kat if you are still looking for feedback, JUDGMENTAL BITCH here (I like
that title) sez, give yourself a break, but you are wise to hope that
Children's Services never hears about it. Those people can turn accidents into
a nightmare, while really abused children are ignored...

Joelle

[Dennis Here]

steveb wrote in message ...
>"Dennis Here"

>lifted the trapdoor, peered around and wrote:
>
>>From my observations over the years, unruly children invariably have one
or
>>two unruly parents.
>
>Sometimes ... but ADHD is a recognised condition too


But is it a valid excuse for unruly behaviour?

In GB and Ireland the incidence of ADHD is only 1% of children whereas in
the USA it is 5% to 7% (depending on the source)
Perhaps it is influenced by the environment as well as the parents?

Dennis

[steveb]

"Dennis Here" oureply>
lifted the trapdoor, peered around and wrote:

>But is it a valid excuse for unruly behaviour?

Well it is certainly a valid "reason" for such behaviour. Behaviour which
needs appropriate treatment and managing, of course.

steveb

[Paul Fritz]

"Dennis Here" oureply>
wrote in message ...
>
> steveb wrote in message ...
> >"Dennis Here"
>
> >lifted the trapdoor, peered around and wrote:
> >
> >>From my observations over the years, unruly children invariably have one
> or
> >>two unruly parents.
> >
> >Sometimes ... but ADHD is a recognised condition too
>
>
> But is it a valid excuse for unruly behaviour?
>
> In GB and Ireland the incidence of ADHD is only 1% of children whereas in
> the USA it is 5% to 7% (depending on the source)
> Perhaps it is influenced by the environment as well as the parents?

Or perhaps it is simple overmedicating for docility (sp?)

>
> Dennis
>
>

[Tiffany]

Dennis Here oureply>
wrote in message ...
>
> steveb wrote in message ...
> >"Dennis Here"
>
> >lifted the trapdoor, peered around and wrote:
> >
> >>From my observations over the years, unruly children invariably have one
> or
> >>two unruly parents.
> >
> >Sometimes ... but ADHD is a recognised condition too
>
>
> But is it a valid excuse for unruly behaviour?
>
> In GB and Ireland the incidence of ADHD is only 1% of children whereas in
> the USA it is 5% to 7% (depending on the source)
> Perhaps it is influenced by the environment as well as the parents?
>
> Dennis
>
>

Possibly that in the USA, people are very much looking for the quick
fix..... doctors give that with meds. Diagnose the child with ADD/ADHD and
you get meds. That stat of 5-7 percent seems pretty low to me actually. I
will add also, that in the US, the typical diet is not a healthy one and can
contribute to hyperactivity and other issues. It is definitely influenced by
the environment also. Just my opinion.

T

[Tiffany]

Paul Fritz > wrote in message
...
>
> "Dennis Here" oureply>
> wrote in message ...
> >
> > steveb wrote in message ...
> > >"Dennis Here"
> >
> > >lifted the trapdoor, peered around and wrote:
> > >
> > >>From my observations over the years, unruly children invariably have
one
> > or
> > >>two unruly parents.
> > >
> > >Sometimes ... but ADHD is a recognised condition too
> >
> >
> > But is it a valid excuse for unruly behaviour?
> >
> > In GB and Ireland the incidence of ADHD is only 1% of children whereas
in
> > the USA it is 5% to 7% (depending on the source)
> > Perhaps it is influenced by the environment as well as the parents?
>
> Or perhaps it is simple overmedicating for docility (sp?)
>
> >


Yeppers..... kids can be much easier to handle on meds. That is not to say
that meds don't benefit some kids. (political disclaimer)

T