Some advice please....boyfriend issues

[hdbabe]

I have been with the most incrediable guy for about 16 months. We do lots of fun things together, include the kids as much as possible, ect. We have even discussed going further in our relationship, sounds good right. He's the guardian of two half-brothers, and I have one kid.(a boy) However, when I was putting away some of his laundry(yes, we help each other a lot-even with laundry), I noticed that he kept all the cards and notes that I have written to him(sweet huh?). But here's the clincher, when I decided to go thru them, just for sentimental reasons, I noticed that my notes/cards weren't the only ones he kept. He had been keeping ones from a women he dated prior to me, along with the ones I gave him. In other words, they were all mixed up together. So, what would you do? Say something? Leave it alone? I know your thinking I was being noisy, I really wasn't, he knows that I have put away his stuff before. And he has always said that 'he has no secrets'. But I can't help but wonder if he hasn't 'let go' of the previous women? Is that why he's keeping the notes and cards? So does anyone think I'm overreacting? Being paranoid? Could use some constructive advice please. Just no tounge lashing. Thanks

[Kim]

"hdbabe" > wrote in message
lkaboutsupport.com...
> I have been with the most incrediable guy for about 16 months. We do lots
of fun things together, include the kids as much as possible, ect. We have
even discussed going further in our relationship, sounds good right. He's
the guardian of two half-brothers, and I have one kid.(a boy) However, when
I was putting away some of his laundry(yes, we help each other a lot-even
with laundry), I noticed that he kept all the cards and notes that I have
written to him(sweet huh?). But here's the clincher, when I decided to go
thru them, just for sentimental reasons, I noticed that my notes/cards
weren't the only ones he kept. He had been keeping ones from a women he
dated prior to me, along with the ones I gave him. In other words, they were
all mixed up together. So, what would you do? Say something? Leave it alone?
I know your thinking I was being noisy, I really wasn't, he knows that I
have put away his stuff before. And he has always said that 'he has no
secrets'. But I can't help but wonder if he hasn't 'let go' of the previous
women? Is that why he's keeping the notes and cards? So does anyone think
I'm overreacting? Being paranoid? Could use some constructive advice please.
Just no tounge lashing. Thanks
>

Ummmmmmmm I would just ask him... He'll tell you something... If it's what
you want to believe and trust then all is good... The notes are from BEFORE
you... Sounds like you have already made up your mind to question his
sentiments whether you confront him or let it fester and stew inside you...
You are right I do think you were probably being nosey... The question of
where you found them comes to mind... Were they sitting on the dresser in
plain sight or did you have to dig through the drawers to actually find
them? That puts a twist on your story as well... I know I have mementos of
previous relationships (yes even from the DBD LOL even HE had good in him at
one point) Do I keep them all together? Sure I do... They are all good, fond
memories... I keep mine in the bottom of my dresser drawer as keep sakes for
when I'm feeling blue...

Just ask him... You will only believe what you want to anyway

[Tiffany]

hdbabe > wrote in message
lkaboutsupport.com...
> I have been with the most incrediable guy for about 16 months. We do lots
of fun things together, include the kids as much as possible, ect. We have
even discussed going further in our relationship, sounds good right. He's
the guardian of two half-brothers, and I have one kid.(a boy) However, when
I was putting away some of his laundry(yes, we help each other a lot-even
with laundry), I noticed that he kept all the cards and notes that I have
written to him(sweet huh?). But here's the clincher, when I decided to go
thru them, just for sentimental reasons, I noticed that my notes/cards
weren't the only ones he kept. He had been keeping ones from a women he
dated prior to me, along with the ones I gave him. In other words, they were
all mixed up together. So, what would you do? Say something? Leave it alone?
I know your thinking I was being noisy, I really wasn't, he knows that I
have put away his stuff before. And he has always said that 'he has no
secrets'. But I can't help but wonder if he hasn't 'let go' of the previous
women? Is that why he's keeping the notes and cards? So does anyone think
I'm overreacting? Being paranoid? Could use some constructive advice please.
Just no tounge lashing. Thanks
>

If you are sure those notes were written prior to your relationship with
him, leave it be.

T

[Bebe lestrnge]

Some advice please....boyfriend issues

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Mon, Feb 23, 2004, 7:09pm
(EST-1) From: (hdbabe)
I have been with the most incrediable guy for about 16 months. We do
lots of fun things together, include the kids as much as possible, ect.
We have even discussed going further in our relationship, sounds good
right. He's the guardian of two half-brothers, and I have one kid.(a
boy) However, when I was putting away some of his laundry(yes, we help
each other a lot-even with laundry), I noticed that he kept all the
cards and notes that I have written to him(sweet huh?). But here's the
clincher, when I decided to go thru them, just for sentimental reasons,
I noticed that my notes/cards weren't the only ones he kept. He had been
keeping ones from a women he dated prior to me, along with the ones I
gave him. In other words, they were all mixed up together. So, what
would you do? Say something? Leave it alone? I know your thinking I was
being noisy, I really wasn't, he knows that I have put away his stuff
before. And he has always said that 'he has no secrets'. But I can't
help but wonder if he hasn't 'let go' of the previous women? Is that why
he's keeping the notes and cards? So does anyone think I'm overreacting?
Being paranoid? Could use some constructive advice please. Just no
tounge lashing. Thanks


One of the most important needs in a long lasting relationship is trust.
If you don't trust him and you are doubting him, the relationship is in
trouble. You need to be open, honest and communicate with him
immediately about it. I am pretty sure I know this. My partner and I
both have "things" from past relationships....I understand she had
something good at one time and for what ever reason it ended, and I have
the same story, We communicate what we are feeling and did from the
start, clear the air about these things . We trust ,love and understand
each others needs about it. Hope this helps !! Bev

[lm]

On Mon, 23 Feb 2004 19:09:27 -0600, "hdbabe"
> wrote:

>I have been with the most incrediable guy for about 16 months. We do lots of fun things together, include the kids as much as possible, ect. We have even discussed going further in our relationship, sounds good right. He's the guardian of two half-brothers, and I have one kid.(a boy) However, when I was putting away some of his laundry(yes, we help each other a lot-even with laundry), I noticed that he kept all the cards and notes that I have written to him(sweet huh?). But here's the clincher, when I decided to go thru them, just for sentimental reasons, I noticed that my notes/cards weren't the only ones he kept. He had been keeping ones from a women he dated prior to me, along with the ones I gave him. In other words, they were all mixed up together. So, what would you do? Say something? Leave it alone? I know your thinking I was being noisy, I really wasn't, he knows that I have put away his stuff before. And he has always said that 'he has no secrets'. But I can't help but
>wonder if he hasn't 'let go' of the previous women? Is that why he's keeping the notes and cards? So does anyone think I'm overreacting? Being paranoid? Could use some constructive advice please. Just no tounge lashing. Thanks

Why are you going through his stuff? Even if it was in plain sight,
which it wasn't, he has a past. So do you. That you unearthed evidence
of his past doesn't say anything about him.

lm

[hdbabe]

Thanks all. Whether the items were left out in the open(they were) or not is irrelevent. I know that now. But I think the message is the same from everyone...trust, communication and love are key. I cannot let this bother me, I have to let it go. Bev your right, we all do have 'things', but after my divorce, I got rid of a lot. For me it was a way of moving on...let go of the past.

[Bebe lestrnge]

Re: Some advice please....boyfriend issues

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Tue, Feb 24, 2004, 11:00am
(EST-1) From: (hdbabe)
<snip>
Bev your right, we all do have 'things', but after my divorce, I got
rid of a lot. For me it was a way of moving on...let go of the past.

I was divorced from my daughters father a good 10-12 years ago (don't
care to remember the exact) We were separated several years before the
legal divorce. I got rid of anything that remotely had anything to do
with him . Point being it turned bad enough for there to be nothing good
in the end to want to remember. The bad outweighed the good. Except of
course our wonderful children !
I too needed to let go of that past as best I could .........too much
pain, abuse and resentment. There is an amount of personal growth with
letting go that we all need to better ourselves as people. What we learn
from past relationships helps us eventually gain peace and contentment
in our need to find happiness.... until the day comes that we leave just
a memory as well. The goal is for those memories to be good ones! It
is a good thing for those memories to be tucked away in a safe place, we
need them to continue on. Let go of the bad , hold on to the good, it is
how we learn.
Bev

[Kim]

"hdbabe" > wrote in message
lkaboutsupport.com...
> Thanks all. Whether the items were left out in the open(they were) or not
is irrelevent. I know that now. But I think the message is the same from
everyone...trust, communication and love are key. I cannot let this bother
me, I have to let it go. Bev your right, we all do have 'things', but after
my divorce, I got rid of a lot. For me it was a way of moving on...let go of
the past.
>

Nope... not irrelevant actually... If they are out in the open that means
it's all over and they are nothing more than fond memories and you should be
pleased that these people made it possible for him to be the person he is :)
It also shows he has absolutely nothing to hide from you which says alot
about the confidence he feels in a relationship with you... Congratulations
:)

[Karen Brzeski]

DON'T MAKE AN ISSUE WHERE THERE ISN'T ONE. BUY HIM A FILE CABINET AND
LABEL THE FILE LOVE NOTES AND CARDS.

[Nick]

"xkatx" wrote ...


> (Sorry for the pic attachment... I hate them, and I know everyone else
does too, but I hate
> someone with no knowledge of where the caps lock is even more.)


Isnt it ironic..... doncha think?

a little tooooooooo ironic.....

Yeah I really do think ;-)

[hdbabe]

issue resolved....moving on

[CME]

<'Kate> wrote in message ...
> On Mon, 23 Feb 2004 19:09:27 -0600, "hdbabe" >
> >I have been with the most incrediable guy for about 16 months. We do
> lots of fun things together, include the kids as much as possible, ect.
> We have even discussed going further in our relationship, sounds good
> right. He's the guardian of two half-brothers, and I have one kid.(a
> boy) However, when I was putting away some of his laundry(yes, we help
> each other a lot-even with laundry), I noticed that he kept all the
> cards and notes that I have written to him(sweet huh?). But here's the
> clincher, when I decided to go thru them, just for sentimental reasons,
> I noticed that my notes/cards weren't the only ones he kept. He had been
> keeping ones from a women he dated prior to me, along with the ones I
> gave him. In other words, they were all mixed up together. So, what
> would you do? Say something? Leave it alone? I know your thinking I was
> being noisy, I really wasn't, he knows that I have put away his stuff
> before. And he has always said that 'he has no secrets'. But I can't
> help but
> >wonder if he hasn't 'let go' of the previous women? Is that why he's
keeping the notes and cards? So does anyone think I'm overreacting? Being
paranoid? Could use some constructive advice please. Just no tounge lashing.
Thanks
>
> You gotta be kidding. You're asking a bunch of divorced, widowed, and
> never been married folks for relationship advice? ROFL.
>
> Seriously, though... what's the big deal? So what if he keeps things
> like that. You'd think you found a stack of self-made porn.
>
> 'Kate
>

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, what's wrong with a stack of self-made porn???

/me looks innocently away. LOL

Christine

PS: Did ya'll miss me? :D

[dolores]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:GQg1c.48614$A12.18910@edtnps84...
>
> <'Kate> wrote in message
...
> > On Mon, 23 Feb 2004 19:09:27 -0600, "hdbabe" >
> > >I have been with the most incrediable guy for about 16 months. We do
> > lots of fun things together, include the kids as much as possible, ect.
> > We have even discussed going further in our relationship, sounds good
> > right. He's the guardian of two half-brothers, and I have one kid.(a
> > boy) However, when I was putting away some of his laundry(yes, we help
> > each other a lot-even with laundry), I noticed that he kept all the
> > cards and notes that I have written to him(sweet huh?). But here's the
> > clincher, when I decided to go thru them, just for sentimental reasons,
> > I noticed that my notes/cards weren't the only ones he kept. He had been
> > keeping ones from a women he dated prior to me, along with the ones I
> > gave him. In other words, they were all mixed up together. So, what
> > would you do? Say something? Leave it alone? I know your thinking I was
> > being noisy, I really wasn't, he knows that I have put away his stuff
> > before. And he has always said that 'he has no secrets'. But I can't
> > help but
> > >wonder if he hasn't 'let go' of the previous women? Is that why he's
> keeping the notes and cards? So does anyone think I'm overreacting?

No, I dont think you are....but he may well be very sentimental about things
like this.....but if you've been with him 16 months you should know wether
he is or isnt. Does he seem to hang onto things? Just ask him straight out
why he keeps them, but dont put any easy answers in his mouth.....just wait
and see what he says. I'm assuming here that these notes were in a
drawer....and not his actual clothing......Now *that* would be weird!!....

Dolores
>