I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people [Archive]

Bebelestrnge

March 18th 04, 07:48 PM

>Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: "Vero"
>Date: 3/18/2004 12:43 PM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id:
utparenting.com>
>
>Hi everyone I'm 16 going on 17 in october and I have a a baby boy, he's a
>year and 9 months and he's so great. I live with my mom and she helps me out.
>My baby's daddy helps out too so dont' worry he's a good guy but were not
>together still. Well if you have any questions or comments just reply or
>e-mail me at . Hope to hear from you soon thanks.
>-Veronica

Hello Veronica ! Welcome................
My 16 year old daughter just recently had a baby girl . She is gonna be 3
months old this Sat.I am supporting my daughter just as your mom is supporting
you. I hope you have been able to continue your education it is very important
that you do if it is possible. You will need it. I know first hand how hard
this must be on your family and I am glad that you have their support. Our
household is always hopping since the baby came home . With careful
organisation of our schedules my daughter is attending school . So your son is
just about 2 years old, oh boy ! the fun you are having ! LOL! They are great !
Bev

Bebe lestrnge

March 18th 04, 09:12 PM

Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Thu, Mar 18, 2004, 12:40pm
(EST-1) From: ('Kate)
<snip>
Was your mother a teen parent too?

Is there some reason this is important?
just wondering?
Bev

'Kate

Bebelestrnge

March 18th 04, 11:18 PM

>>Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

>>Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Thu, Mar 18, 2004, 12:40pm
>>(EST-1) From: ('Kate)

>><snip>

Kate wrote:
>>Was your mother a teen parent too?

Bev wrote:
>>Is there some reason this is important?

Kate wrote:
>Important.. maybe. Her mother is likely to be more understanding so
from the daughter point of view, it's important.

Bev wrote:
Yeah , I could see that being somewhat possible that a mother who was a teen
parent could understand the teens point of veiw better, In my case with Sara I
was not I had my first when I was 21. I can admit I sure don't see eye to eye
with Sara lately.
I am trying to ease out of making all these decisions with the baby cause
lately when ever I say my opinion she gets upset and says "why don't you just
say I am a bad mother" when this is not what I feel. I feel she is a teenager
and her judgement is off when it comes to certain issues. This is getting
harder now.

Kate wrote;
>From the generational point of view, teen parenting may run in families
>as if what's OK for the mother is OK for the daughter. I'm not sure
>that's the answer but I know there's ongoing research.

Bev wrote:
Oh I am sure as well there is indeed ongoing research on this one. I think it
depends on the family. For instance my sister was a teen mother and her
daughter became a teen mother, so there you have it right there but that is
where this starts in our family. My mother was not and her mother was not a
pregnant teen.I'd have to ask my neice who is 22 now with 2 children if this
was the impression she grew up with "Mom was so why not me ?"

Kate wrote:
I also know of
>one woman who was a teen mother who had three girls by two fathers,
>neither father remained involved; two of the girls became teen mothers.
>I lost track of the family though so I don't know the outcome of the
>third daughter. I wonder if she was able to resist the trend.

Bev wrote:
It would be interesting and again I am still thinking that with abortion and
adoption of these babies conceived by teens included, the statistics are
probably extremely high in the numbers and that teen pregnancy is not
statistically higher because it "runs in the family" all types of backgrounds
are involved here.Teens make bad choices sometimes and the results of those
choices are biting us in the ass. Heh.

Kate wrote:
>What's interesting, to me, are the questions, "Does teen motherhood make
>it more likely that children will become teen mothers?" and

Bev wrote:
In my opinion no, again I feel it is situational.Girls and boys (teens) are
having sex( heck some not even teens!) and not heeding the warnings or
involving themselves in drugs and or alcohol which diminishes their judgments
and moral values taught or are running from some bad situation from home and
they are getting pregnant . I can tell you here in P.A. the number of kids
pregnant is unbelievable. Drug use is horrendous, drinking as well by these
kids . I'm sure this is everywhere. It is very scary.

Kate wrote:
"Do second
>generation teen mothers fare better or worse than first generation teen
>mothers?" In the latter question, if second generation teen mothers do
>better, is it because of the support of the mother or because they've
>learned that lifestyle?

Bev wrote:
In any situation being supported is going to make a stronger person/outcome in
whatever the challenge don't you think?
Or is it just simply that they are good mothers because they were supported by
a loving parent or parents, that cared enough to understand they made a mistake
, and see them through it? I don't think it is a learned "lifestyle" I know
you like to evaluate these things, you run very deep and I enjoy your thoughts.
I hope my own thoughts on this subject are understood.
Bev

>'Kate
>
>
>>just wondering?
>>Bev
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>'Kate
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Bebelestrnge

March 18th 04, 11:48 PM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: (Bebelestrnge)
>Date: 3/18/2004 6:18 PM Eastern Standard Time

>>>Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

>>>Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Thu, Mar 18, 2004, 12:40pm
>>>(EST-1) From: ('Kate)
>
>>><snip>
I meant to include in that last post that I do not think it is always something
the parents have done wrong. I think sometimes **** just happens , I can not
believe I did something that caused my daughter to become pregnant at 16 years
old. I know I did not. So if I may ask the OP Why did you become pregnant so
young ?My daughter planned it, it had been an issue for a while for her and I
guess I screwed up somewhere huh? Oh hell..........................I hate this
..

March 19th 04, 01:50 AM

<'Kate> wrote in message ...
> On Thu, 18 Mar 2004 16:12:52 -0500 (EST), (Bebe
> lestrnge)
> >
> >Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
> >
> >Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Thu, Mar 18, 2004, 12:40pm
> >(EST-1) From: ('Kate)
> ><snip>
> >Was your mother a teen parent too?
> >
> >Is there some reason this is important?
>
> Important.. maybe. Her mother is likely to be more understanding so
> from the daughter point of view, it's important.
>
snip

My mom was young when she had children and she was very understanding for me,
so I can see why a question like that would be asked. It seems the more
understanding the more support.
V

March 19th 04, 01:52 AM

"Vero" > wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
> Hi everyone I'm 16 going on 17 in october and I have a a baby boy, he's a
year and 9 months and he's so great. I live with my mom and she helps me out.
My baby's daddy helps out too so dont' worry he's a good guy but were not
together still. Well if you have any questions or comments just reply or
e-mail me at . Hope to hear from you soon
hanks. -Veronica
>

Welcome Vero,
Any questions you have?
V, mom of J and C, 10 and 8.

Bebelestrnge

March 19th 04, 03:56 AM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

>>>>>Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Thu, Mar 18, 2004, 12:40pm
>>>>>(EST-1) From: ('Kate)
>>>
>>>>><snip>
>>I meant to include in that last post that I do not think it is always
>something
>>the parents have done wrong. I think sometimes **** just happens , I can not
>
>>believe I did something that caused my daughter to become pregnant at 16
>years
>>old. I know I did not. So if I may ask the OP Why did you become pregnant so
>>young ?My daughter planned it, it had been an issue for a while for her and
>I
>>guess I screwed up somewhere huh? Oh hell..........................I hate
>this

Kate wrote:
>Yeah... I know you hate it. It may not have been your "fault" and I
>hate that word because it follows that there should be guilt and guilt
>is not productive. Why your daughter did what she did is for her to
>think about and the answer may be as simple as Gayle having died.
>
>What happened already happened and feeling one way or the other is not
>going to change it. But... being too helpful may make your daughter
>have another and another until you're overwhelmed and withdraw your
>help. She wants to raise that baby herself. I think you'd better let
>her and support her by telling her to ask if she needs a hand.

Bev wrote:
Why don't ya just hit the nail on the head Kate , I have thought that it was
losing Gayle that fueled this decision she made. I tried so hard to do the
right things . I know I made mistakes that first year, I was drinking and she
was drinking and drugging and I denied it all and I don't know how we got
through that without her getting pregnant then , but we did. I met Mari and got
sober ,we dealt with things together. I could not come out of where I was, bad
bad things happened and I lost it. Ya know I am laying my throat out here in
this group and I am kinda anxious, past history says somebody has the
knife...........I'm just not gonna deal with that. So in a nutshell yes I am
to blame to a point. I did do the best I could under the circumstances. I know
I never wanted to hurt anyone.

I know Sara wants to raise Jaime on her own and I want her to be able to and I
know I have to let go. Why am I crying now? Guilt? You betcha ...........How do
we not do what we are doing ? I get up at 4 a.m. and if the baby gets up
between 4-5 I change her diaper and put on the music and she goes back to sleep
.. I leave at 5 a.m. to work....Sara gets up at 6.a.m. goes out to the bus at
7a.m. Mari gets up between 4-5 has coffee with me goes back to sleep till the
baby gets up around 7-8 a.m. She does the day.... feedings, bath ,
entertainment which I hear is lots of fun :)
At 1 p.m. she packs up baby and drives to my work where we pass off baby from
one car to the other we smoke a cigarette outside my car talk about Jaimes'
day. How we are too old for this **** laugh and off to work she goes from 3 -11
p.m. then I am on my way home from work now baby on board. when I get home the
mommy and daddy are there a few minutes ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! before me .I pass
baby to parents and find the coffe pot . I get my time now do what I want ,
play with baby usually for about an hour. Talk to the teens listen to what
imature teen adventure they had for the day , fill em in on last bottle, last
diaper any special moments Mari passed on to me to pass on to them. I hear
maybe about a fight they had in school how Sara destroyed his 25.00 hat and he
went to the principal and she was told she had to pay for it so she told the
principal "Fine he will just get off easy one week and not have to pay for
diapers and wipes and that will pay for the hat" <hehe> I have yet to hear from
the principal? I figure after he swallowed his teeth he decided to let the new
parents work it out on their own. Other days the daddy teen is off to work
right after school till 6 p.m. then he is at the house till 10 p.m. ( the other
days he is here from 3-6 p.m. then goes to work till 10 then home to his
parents.I have baby duty from 10-11p.m where she usually falls out and looks
like such the little angel in her sleep and I go to bed, night night I'm late
tonight but that is o.k. today was lucky nap day LOL! I was off from work !
This is how Sara is continuing her education ...............I try to not
involve myself while they are here the mommy and daddy and she gets all uppity
with me when I say no to her for them to go out to burger king and leave the
baby with me or to hold her cause she has to get the socks and he is getting
her toys and I am like "What" ? "You are not taking that baby out in 20 degree
weather so you can both go get burger king one of you go, James since he is the
one with the license".
Jaime just had a bad cold not that long ago, a friends 3 month old infant has
been in intensive care for two weeks now fighting for life because of the rsv
virus, which I am told comes from an upper respiratory infection, and infects
the blood . Call me paranoid fine, but adults know or at least should know
better. Oh that is right they are teens! So who is looking out for the babies
best interests? There you go, Nanny bebe that is me....................I don't
know how to do it any differently. suggestions?
Bev
>'Kate
>
>
>
>
>
>

Bebelestrnge

March 19th 04, 04:22 AM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

>From: ">'Kate <>
>Date: 3/18/2004 8:41 PM Eastern

>On 18 Mar 2004 23:18:55 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
>
>>Bev wrote:
>>In any situation being supported is going to make a stronger person/outcome
>in
>>whatever the challenge don't you think?
>
Kate wrote:
Yes but the quality and type of support will vary. Think about the 22
>year old (above). Why would she have another child? That doesn't show
>that she learned that raising children as a single teen mother is
>difficult.

Bev wrote:
>actually she moved in with the 35 year old father of their first child when
she was 16 , Her mother, my sister has been sick and terminal with AIDS since
her daughter was seven or eight years old.The girl was raised mostly by my
parents not my sister and yeah dysfunctional that is my family how about yours
? <g> I really try not to admit it LOL! last I looked the world was pretty
dysfunctional itself........we fit in.

March 19th 04, 03:32 PM

On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
wrote:

>>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>
>>>>>>Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Thu, Mar 18, 2004, 12:40pm
>>>>>>(EST-1) From: ('Kate)
>>>>
>>>>>><snip>
>>>I meant to include in that last post that I do not think it is always
>>something
>>>the parents have done wrong. I think sometimes **** just happens , I can not
>>
>>>believe I did something that caused my daughter to become pregnant at 16
>>years
>>>old. I know I did not. So if I may ask the OP Why did you become pregnant so
>>>young ?My daughter planned it, it had been an issue for a while for her and
>>I
>>>guess I screwed up somewhere huh? Oh hell..........................I hate
>>this
>
>Kate wrote:
>>Yeah... I know you hate it. It may not have been your "fault" and I
>>hate that word because it follows that there should be guilt and guilt
>>is not productive. Why your daughter did what she did is for her to
>>think about and the answer may be as simple as Gayle having died.
>>
>>What happened already happened and feeling one way or the other is not
>>going to change it. But... being too helpful may make your daughter
>>have another and another until you're overwhelmed and withdraw your
>>help. She wants to raise that baby herself. I think you'd better let
>>her and support her by telling her to ask if she needs a hand.
>
>Bev wrote:
>Why don't ya just hit the nail on the head Kate , I have thought that it was
>losing Gayle that fueled this decision she made. I tried so hard to do the
>right things . I know I made mistakes that first year, I was drinking and she
>was drinking and drugging and I denied it all and I don't know how we got
>through that without her getting pregnant then , but we did. I met Mari and got
>sober ,we dealt with things together. I could not come out of where I was, bad
>bad things happened and I lost it. Ya know I am laying my throat out here in
>this group and I am kinda anxious, past history says somebody has the
>knife...........I'm just not gonna deal with that. So in a nutshell yes I am
>to blame to a point. I did do the best I could under the circumstances. I know
>I never wanted to hurt anyone.
>
>I know Sara wants to raise Jaime on her own and I want her to be able to and I
>know I have to let go. Why am I crying now? Guilt? You betcha ...........How do
>we not do what we are doing ? I get up at 4 a.m. and if the baby gets up
>between 4-5 I change her diaper and put on the music and she goes back to sleep
>. I leave at 5 a.m. to work....Sara gets up at 6.a.m. goes out to the bus at
>7a.m. Mari gets up between 4-5 has coffee with me goes back to sleep till the
>baby gets up around 7-8 a.m. She does the day.... feedings, bath ,
>entertainment which I hear is lots of fun :)
>At 1 p.m. she packs up baby and drives to my work where we pass off baby from
>one car to the other we smoke a cigarette outside my car talk about Jaimes'
>day. How we are too old for this **** laugh and off to work she goes from 3 -11
>p.m. then I am on my way home from work now baby on board. when I get home the
>mommy and daddy are there a few minutes ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! before me .I pass
>baby to parents and find the coffe pot . I get my time now do what I want ,
>play with baby usually for about an hour. Talk to the teens listen to what
>imature teen adventure they had for the day , fill em in on last bottle, last
>diaper any special moments Mari passed on to me to pass on to them. I hear
>maybe about a fight they had in school how Sara destroyed his 25.00 hat and he
>went to the principal and she was told she had to pay for it so she told the
>principal "Fine he will just get off easy one week and not have to pay for
>diapers and wipes and that will pay for the hat" <hehe> I have yet to hear from
>the principal? I figure after he swallowed his teeth he decided to let the new
>parents work it out on their own. Other days the daddy teen is off to work
>right after school till 6 p.m. then he is at the house till 10 p.m. ( the other
>days he is here from 3-6 p.m. then goes to work till 10 then home to his
>parents.I have baby duty from 10-11p.m where she usually falls out and looks
>like such the little angel in her sleep and I go to bed, night night I'm late
>tonight but that is o.k. today was lucky nap day LOL! I was off from work !
>This is how Sara is continuing her education ...............I try to not
>involve myself while they are here the mommy and daddy and she gets all uppity
>with me when I say no to her for them to go out to burger king and leave the
>baby with me or to hold her cause she has to get the socks and he is getting
>her toys and I am like "What" ? "You are not taking that baby out in 20 degree
>weather so you can both go get burger king one of you go, James since he is the
>one with the license".
> Jaime just had a bad cold not that long ago, a friends 3 month old infant has
>been in intensive care for two weeks now fighting for life because of the rsv
>virus, which I am told comes from an upper respiratory infection, and infects
>the blood . Call me paranoid fine, but adults know or at least should know
>better. Oh that is right they are teens! So who is looking out for the babies
>best interests? There you go, Nanny bebe that is me....................I don't
>know how to do it any differently. suggestions?

Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from
wind. Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger
King?

I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when
the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything
when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going
to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what
it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents.
Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one.

lm
>Bev
>>'Kate
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>

P.Fritz

March 19th 04, 04:42 PM

"Vero" > wrote in message

" She's more my friend than my mom. she's real cool."

Obviously part of the problem.

>

Vero

March 19th 04, 04:55 PM

Well everyone, yes I am still in school. I'm a junior and retrieving my credits at a continuation school. It's really easy so for my senior year I'll be back in regular high school. My mom wasn't a teen parent she just loves me alot because I'm the first born girl. She's more my friend than my mom. she's real cool. It's her birthday today the 19th. So it'll be fun.

Bebelestrnge

March 19th 04, 11:07 PM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: ">'Kate <>
>Date: 3/18/2004 11:38 PM Eastern Standard Time
>

>On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)

<snipped stuff>
>
>
>>So in a nutshell yes I am
>>to blame to a point. I did do the best I could under the circumstances. I
know
>>I never wanted to hurt anyone.
>
>Yep. I know.
>

<sigh>

>Feel better now? Cause you sound exhausted. I can't imagine that you
>have enough time to spend with Mari let alone take ten minutes out for
>yourself and if you don't take care of yourself, you're not going to be
>able to do anything for anyone.
>

I feel really numb, emotionally exhausted, fried and crispy, crunchy... I think
you know what I mean.

Spending time with Mari has been an interesting adventure :) We do make time
for eachother and the phone lines are always smoking . We go out to eat at
least once a week. She is off from work every Friday and Saturday , she works
a double every Sunday that sucks for sure :( I have every other Sat to spend
with her and I am home every other tues.and thurs. although we do have the baby
on those days till three. The baby goes to her fathers parents every other
weekend and the kids go out those weekends here and there for a few hours . So
alone time happens and we sleep, LOL! No just a joke! O.K. not funny we sleep
many times. So far we seem to have enough of each other to be content, well at
least she says she is content and happy and where she wants to be. I am still
learning to allow myself this that I feel. Next weekend we are going away
somewhere, ALONE to celebrate 2 years of together. No I do not take care of
myself......... I am not done punishing myself just yet. I know what you are
saying and I know you are right "maybe tomorrow" "yeah tomorrow"
...................

>'Kate
>
>
>
>
>
>

Bebelestrnge

March 19th 04, 11:35 PM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: ">'Kate <>
>Date: 3/18/2004 11:52 PM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: >
>
>On 19 Mar 2004 04:22:47 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
>
>>Bev wrote:
>>>actually she moved in with the 35 year old father of their first child
>when
>>she was 16 , Her mother, my sister has been sick and terminal with AIDS
>since
>>her daughter was seven or eight years old.The girl was raised mostly by my
>>parents not my sister and yeah dysfunctional that is my family how about
>yours
>>? <g> I really try not to admit it LOL! last I looked the world was pretty
>>dysfunctional itself........we fit in.
>
Kate wrote:
>My dysfunctional family includes a lot of people who never knew how to
>communicate with each other. There are and were a lot of unnecessary
>hard feelings. I hope not to pass that on to my children but I probably
>am despite my intentions. If that's true, then my children, without
>therapy, will probably have dysfunctional marriages wherein my
>daughters will become doormats, gain 30 lbs, and be terribly unhappy and
>my son will be oblivious to anything but his 6 pack of beer and remote
>control when his wife walks out with their kids. If, by some stroke of
>luck, I succeed and can teach them how to have a good marriage, then
>I'll have beaten the odds and done for them what two generations of
>family couldn't do for my siblings and me. Although how I'm going to do
>that without a spouse is still a mystery.

Bev wrote:
They would probably figure out a blow up doll huh ? They don't talk much
...........
Wouldn't make a very good "functional" role model either. Hmmmmmmmmm <g>
I'm outta ideas. I know you will do the best you can to make a difference. Your
children are lucky to have you, you are a good mother, I can see that.
Bev

>'Kate

Bebelestrnge

March 20th 04, 12:48 AM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: lm
>Date: 3/19/2004 10:32 AM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: >
>
>On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge

>Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from
>wind.

Why take a 3 month old baby that just recovered from a severe respiratory
infection out in 20 degrees? No you can't get the virus from the wind , I was
told it comes from a respiratory infection ?

>Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger
>King?
>

They are not broke? My daughter has SSI income and her B/F is working? They
spend money at the movies and bowling too ...........Are you serious they
should not do these things occasionally?

Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby?

I bet they would possibly be even more so in need of some away time than adult
parents need to be away from the children at times? They are under a lot of
stress and need to unwind too I think.

>I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when
>the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything
>when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going
>to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what
>it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents.
>Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one.

<,Major big ole sigh> I do do all of that and where do you think I am up there
butts like that? I am not , I am too damn exhausted after work to put up with
much. I get up at 4 a.m. I work on my feet for 8 hours, cook breakfast and
lunch for 60 people prep for the next day, daily cleaning chore like clean a
friggen oven(oh I hate that one!) and I drive an hour to work and an hour home
by 4 in the afternoon I like a nice nap :) Yes I am beginning to take more
breaks it has been 3 months the basics have been taught yes they need more
responsibility and yes they are indeed getting it.

>lm
>>Bev
>>>'Kate
>>>
>>>

March 20th 04, 01:06 AM

On 20 Mar 2004 00:48:36 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
wrote:

>
>>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>>From: lm
>>Date: 3/19/2004 10:32 AM Eastern Standard Time
>>Message-id: >
>>
>>On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge
>
>
>>Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from
>>wind.
>
>Why take a 3 month old baby that just recovered from a severe respiratory
>infection out in 20 degrees? No you can't get the virus from the wind , I was
>told it comes from a respiratory infection ?

You said you told them not to take the baby out because it was cold.
I'm saying it's not something you needed to advise them about, as the
cold would not have hurt the baby unless they left her out in it.

>>Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger
>>King?
>>
>
>They are not broke? My daughter has SSI income and her B/F is working? They
>spend money at the movies and bowling too ...........Are you serious they
>should not do these things occasionally?

You brought it up as an example. Yes, I do think they should get a
break occasionally, but from the day-in-the-life you described, they
don't spend much time with their baby as it is, and rare is the new
parent that gets movie and bowling and restaurant breaks like that.

>Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby?

No, but their lives are supposed to change, and the baby is supposed
to be their first priority.

>I bet they would possibly be even more so in need of some away time than adult
>parents need to be away from the children at times? They are under a lot of
>stress and need to unwind too I think.
>
>>I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when
>>the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything
>>when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going
>>to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what
>>it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents.
>>Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one.
>
><,Major big ole sigh> I do do all of that and where do you think I am up there
>butts like that? I am not , I am too damn exhausted after work to put up with
>much. I get up at 4 a.m. I work on my feet for 8 hours, cook breakfast and
>lunch for 60 people prep for the next day, daily cleaning chore like clean a
>friggen oven(oh I hate that one!) and I drive an hour to work and an hour home
>by 4 in the afternoon I like a nice nap :) Yes I am beginning to take more
>breaks it has been 3 months the basics have been taught yes they need more
>responsibility and yes they are indeed getting it.

Major big ole sigh? You're welcome.

lm

Bebelestrnge

March 20th 04, 08:41 AM

>>>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>>>From: lm
>>>Date: 3/19/2004 10:32 AM Eastern Standard Time
>>>Message-id: >
>>>
>>>On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge
>>
>>
>>>Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from
>>>wind.
>>
>>Why take a 3 month old baby that just recovered from a severe respiratory
>>infection out in 20 degrees? No you can't get the virus from the wind , I
>was
>>told it comes from a respiratory infection ?
>
>You said you told them not to take the baby out because it was cold.
>I'm saying it's not something you needed to advise them about, as the
>cold would not have hurt the baby unless they left her out in it.

I guess we just disagree ........which is o.k. :)

>>>Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger
>>>King?
>>>
>>
>>They are not broke? My daughter has SSI income and her B/F is working? They
>>spend money at the movies and bowling too ...........Are you serious they
>>should not do these things occasionally?
>
>You brought it up as an example. Yes, I do think they should get a
>break occasionally, but from the day-in-the-life you described, they
>don't spend much time with their baby as it is, and rare is the new
>parent that gets movie and bowling and restaurant breaks like that.

Yes exactly what I have been trying to explain to my daughter , that the time
they do get to spend with Jaime is not that much 6-7 hours a day for my
daughter and less for Jimmy...........but then again in most families of mother
father and children I guess that is pretty normal ? I agree most parents do not
get these things that often , part of keeping a relationship strong is to take
that time though . We have been trying to help them grow in their relationship
as well, they are crying an awful lot both of them (yeah I know, they should be
) look what they have done . Jimmys' parents are not supportive of him, he has
become like a son to us and he comes to us a lot. We are trying the best way we
know how to help them make it through the stress they are feeling. We let them
do these things when they are not responsible for Jaime.(like this weekend the
baby is at his parents....yeah I know isn't that supporting him, I mean
emotionally his mother is constantly putting him down.They are lectured
regularly here by Mari and myself on how lucky they are to have the ability to
do this stuff and to remember when they get out on their own it may not be an
option due to lack of babysitter and or money ! Another reason I do what I do
is to show them the way it would be to be responsible parents and not act like
two teenagers flitting about without thinking of the baby first, One go get
the BK they so have to have and one stay home safe and warm with the infant? I
could be wrong I have been known to be kinda "Anal" <g>

>>Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby?
>
>No, but their lives are supposed to change, and the baby is supposed
>to be their first priority.

Exactly what I am trying to point out to them !

>>I bet they would possibly be even more so in need of some away time than
>adult
>>parents need to be away from the children at times? They are under a lot of
>>stress and need to unwind too I think.
>>
>>>I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when
>>>the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything
>>>when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going
>>>to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what
>>>it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents.
>>>Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one.
>>
>><,Major big ole sigh> I do do all of that and where do you think I am up
>there
>>butts like that? I am not , I am too damn exhausted after work to put up
>with
>>much. I get up at 4 a.m. I work on my feet for 8 hours, cook breakfast and
>>lunch for 60 people prep for the next day, daily cleaning chore like clean a
>>friggen oven(oh I hate that one!) and I drive an hour to work and an hour
>home
>>by 4 in the afternoon I like a nice nap :) Yes I am beginning to take more
>>breaks it has been 3 months the basics have been taught yes they need more
>>responsibility and yes they are indeed getting it.
>
>Major big ole sigh? You're welcome.

LMAO ! Yes Thank you :)
Bev

>lm
>
>
>
>
>
>

Bebelestrnge

March 20th 04, 09:18 AM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: ">'Kate <>
>Date: 3/19/2004 8:37 PM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: >
>
>On 19 Mar 2004 23:07:35 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
>> No I do not take care of
>>myself......... I am not done punishing myself just yet. I know what you are
>>saying and I know you are right "maybe tomorrow" "yeah tomorrow"
>
>Hate to state the obvious (and I'm glad you're making time for your
>relationship) but...

Arghh the but !

you *have* to stop being mad at yourself.

yeah soon , It certainly is not doing me any good, It is hard though.........

You
>forgive everyone else for everything but you cannot forgive yourself?

That is pretty f*ed up isn't it, comes from having a rotten mother that didn't
show me the normal love, never could be perfect enough to make her love me, I
tried so damn hard to be perfect for her. Wasn't good enough you
know............. I did have therapy for this ya know it kinda worked <smile>
I am what is left

>Who made you so f8ing special, Bev, that you can't screw up and still
>deserve the same basic things that other human beings need? Hmmmmm?

It is that I don't see myself at all special let alone f8ing special , Kate, I
have screwed up, and I do try to teach my kids that it is o.k. to screw up as
long as you learn from it and improve by it. My own advice does me no good. "I
shoulda this I shoulda that"
"I didn't this I didn't that" It is guilt I know what it is it is the one thing
that no matter how I look at myself after all that has happened I can't shake
it? I can't be sorry that is not good enough, I can't physically suffer enough
I am trying to find the feel better , to hope , to open up what I have closed
inside. I still have some really bad days. Heaven forbid I am happy, sometimes
I am simply fighting to not push it all away, cause ya know "I don't deserve
this"

>I know I'm being hard on you but that's just tough.

Yeah you are being hard on me I don't expect anything less ......... I know.
Bev

>'Kate

>
>
>
>
>
>

Bebelestrnge

March 20th 04, 09:34 AM

>ubject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: ">'Kate <>
>Date: 3/19/2004 8:41 PM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: >
>
>On 19 Mar 2004 23:35:27 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
>>
>>
>>They would probably figure out a blow up doll huh ? They don't talk much
>
>That'd be my family. We talk around the issues we all recognised quite
>nicely. It comes from having deep "family secrets" I suppose.
>
>>Wouldn't make a very good "functional" role model either. Hmmmmmmmmm <g>
>>I'm outta ideas. I know you will do the best you can to make a difference.
>Your
>>children are lucky to have you, you are a good mother, I can see that.
>
>Yeah, who knows? My oldest turned out fine but the family structure was
>different then. We never know whether we did a good enough job until
>they're out on their own a few decades adjusting to their own ever
>changing life circumstances.

I know what you are saying...I see the same with my oldest Jess her dad and I
were together her first 6 years, I was a stay at home mom then (prisoner
actually) I wanted to work.He wanted control. Anyway, she has turned into a
mighty fine young woman with the drive to get where she is going. Sara had a
much rougher start, has dealt with much loss and suffering from her dad that
won't give her the time of day, my dads death , Gayles death, losing me there
for a while, she is trying and I know she struggles with her "inner demons"
"with the mental illness" label . I want only one thing for them and that is to
have love and happiness in their lives and you are right who knows?
Lets hope!
Bev
>'Kate
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

March 20th 04, 02:48 PM

On 20 Mar 2004 08:41:50 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
wrote:

>
>>>>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>>>>From: lm
>>>>Date: 3/19/2004 10:32 AM Eastern Standard Time
>>>>Message-id: >
>>>>
>>>>On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge
>>>
>>>
>>>>Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from
>>>>wind.
>>>
>>>Why take a 3 month old baby that just recovered from a severe respiratory
>>>infection out in 20 degrees? No you can't get the virus from the wind , I
>>was
>>>told it comes from a respiratory infection ?
>>
>>You said you told them not to take the baby out because it was cold.
>>I'm saying it's not something you needed to advise them about, as the
>>cold would not have hurt the baby unless they left her out in it.
>
>I guess we just disagree ........which is o.k. :)
>
>
>
>>>>Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger
>>>>King?
>>>>
>>>
>>>They are not broke? My daughter has SSI income and her B/F is working? They
>>>spend money at the movies and bowling too ...........Are you serious they
>>>should not do these things occasionally?
>>
>>You brought it up as an example. Yes, I do think they should get a
>>break occasionally, but from the day-in-the-life you described, they
>>don't spend much time with their baby as it is, and rare is the new
>>parent that gets movie and bowling and restaurant breaks like that.
>
>Yes exactly what I have been trying to explain to my daughter , that the time
>they do get to spend with Jaime is not that much 6-7 hours a day for my
>daughter and less for Jimmy...........but then again in most families of mother
>father and children I guess that is pretty normal ? I agree most parents do not
>get these things that often , part of keeping a relationship strong is to take
>that time though . We have been trying to help them grow in their relationship
>as well, they are crying an awful lot both of them (yeah I know, they should be
>) look what they have done . Jimmys' parents are not supportive of him, he has
>become like a son to us and he comes to us a lot. We are trying the best way we
>know how to help them make it through the stress they are feeling. We let them
>do these things when they are not responsible for Jaime.(like this weekend the
>baby is at his parents....yeah I know isn't that supporting him, I mean
>emotionally his mother is constantly putting him down.They are lectured
>regularly here by Mari and myself on how lucky they are to have the ability to
>do this stuff and to remember when they get out on their own it may not be an
>option due to lack of babysitter and or money ! Another reason I do what I do
>is to show them the way it would be to be responsible parents and not act like
>two teenagers flitting about without thinking of the baby first, One go get
>the BK they so have to have and one stay home safe and warm with the infant? I
>could be wrong I have been known to be kinda "Anal" <g>

Well I guess this is another thing we would have to disagree on
because while you say you keep telling them and showing them and
lecturing them and supporting them and helping them and teaching them,
I would say you're way past the point of all that and it's high time
they have to DO it rather than be taught it. Words are empty at this
point, really, it's time for them to own up to it. Tears or no tears.
IMO the approach you're taking, while it seems the most supportive
now, may be prolonging their transformation from irresponsible
teenagers to parents.

>>>Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby?
>>
>>No, but their lives are supposed to change, and the baby is supposed
>>to be their first priority.
>
>Exactly what I am trying to point out to them !

I would suggest no longer pointing it out and rather create the
circumstances under which they have to do it.

>>>I bet they would possibly be even more so in need of some away time than
>>adult
>>>parents need to be away from the children at times? They are under a lot of
>>>stress and need to unwind too I think.
>>>
>>>>I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when
>>>>the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything
>>>>when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going
>>>>to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what
>>>>it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents.
>>>>Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one.
>>>
>>><,Major big ole sigh> I do do all of that and where do you think I am up
>>there
>>>butts like that? I am not , I am too damn exhausted after work to put up
>>with
>>>much. I get up at 4 a.m. I work on my feet for 8 hours, cook breakfast and
>>>lunch for 60 people prep for the next day, daily cleaning chore like clean a
>>>friggen oven(oh I hate that one!) and I drive an hour to work and an hour
>>home
>>>by 4 in the afternoon I like a nice nap :) Yes I am beginning to take more
>>>breaks it has been 3 months the basics have been taught yes they need more
>>>responsibility and yes they are indeed getting it.
>>
>>Major big ole sigh? You're welcome.
>
>LMAO ! Yes Thank you :)

There are as many ways to raise a kid as there are kids. Take my post
for what it's worth to you and toss the rest. Good luck to you.

lm

Betty

March 20th 04, 07:18 PM

"Bebelestrnge" > wrote in message
...

snip

> > Yes exactly what I have been trying to explain to my daughter , that the
time
> they do get to spend with Jaime is not that much 6-7 hours a day for my
> daughter and less for Jimmy...........but then again in most families of
mother
> father and children I guess that is pretty normal ? I agree most parents
do not
> get these things that often , part of keeping a relationship strong is to
take
> that time though . We have been trying to help them grow in their
relationship
> as well, they are crying an awful lot both of them (yeah I know, they
should be
> ) look what they have done . Jimmys' parents are not supportive of him, he
has
> become like a son to us and he comes to us a lot. We are trying the best
way we
> know how to help them make it through the stress they are feeling. We let
them
> do these things when they are not responsible for Jaime.(like this weekend
the
> baby is at his parents....yeah I know isn't that supporting him, I mean
> emotionally his mother is constantly putting him down.They are lectured
> regularly here by Mari and myself on how lucky they are to have the
ability to
> do this stuff and to remember when they get out on their own it may not be
an
> option due to lack of babysitter and or money ! Another reason I do what I
do
> is to show them the way it would be to be responsible parents and not act
like
> two teenagers flitting about without thinking of the baby first, One go
get
> the BK they so have to have and one stay home safe and warm with the
infant? I
> could be wrong I have been known to be kinda "Anal" <g>
>

Bev, I am not a teenage mother, or the parent of one, so I am not going to
pretend to know what you and your daughter are going through.
However, With you helping them out so much, and by the sounds of it, pretty
much raising their child, you could be setting them up for a hard fall if,
God forbid, something should happen to you.
If tomorrow you failed to come home, would your daughter and her BF suddenly
be able to be parents 100% of the time?

My son's father died when he (my son) was 2. I was 35 years old, working
and had my life totally together.
Suddenly I was a single parent with almost no support.
That was hard enough for me, I can't imagine having to go through that as a
teenager.
Your daughter may still be a child herself (all teenagers are) but she made
the choice to become a parent, And that means giving up her childhood.
I commend you for trying to help your daughter out as much as you can, but
in the long run you may be doing her more harm then good.

It might be time for you to take a stand, and say "you're the parents" now
you have to act like it.
Trust me, if push comes to shove, your daughter would step up to the plate
and become a responsible parent.

Anyway, just my 2 cents.
Betty

Bebelestrnge

March 21st 04, 01:50 PM

Betty I typed you a very long one and then I very nicely hit the wrong button
and erased it , now this is a first and it was such a good reply that I will re
write it as best I can darn it, but later cause it is my weekend I work nights
and well I just don't have the time to do it all over right now . I wanted you
to know I read your post and I do want to respond to it. Bev

Bebelestrnge

March 21st 04, 02:03 PM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: lm
>Date: 3/20/2004 9:48 AM Eastern Standard Time

snip

>Well I guess this is another thing we would have to disagree on
>because while you say you keep telling them and showing them and
>lecturing them and supporting them and helping them and teaching them,
>I would say you're way past the point of all that and it's high time
>they have to DO it rather than be taught it. Words are empty at this
>point, really, it's time for them to own up to it. Tears or no tears.
>IMO the approach you're taking, while it seems the most supportive
>now, may be prolonging their transformation from irresponsible
>teenagers to parents.

We don't disagree lm , I do agree that the basic point here is they need to be
doing this and I am backing out.............I amhere if they need me.

>>>>Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby?
>>>
>>>No, but their lives are supposed to change, and the baby is supposed
>>>to be their first priority.

Yep agreed :)

>>Exactly what I am trying to point out to them !
>
>I would suggest no longer pointing it out and rather create the
>circumstances under which they have to do it.

As I type !
more snippage

>>>Major big ole sigh? You're welcome.
>>
>>LMAO ! Yes Thank you :)
>
>There are as many ways to raise a kid as there are kids. Take my post
>for what it's worth to you and toss the rest. Good luck to you.

Your opinion and advice are very appreciated and has much worth to me, thank
you . Bev
>lm
>
>
>
>
>
>

Bebelestrnge

March 22nd 04, 02:43 AM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: "Betty"
>Date: 3/20/2004 2:18 PM Eastern Standard Time

snip

>Bev, I am not a teenage mother, or the parent of one, so I am not going to
>pretend to know what you and your daughter are going through.

We are learning a lot...........
She is learning that I can't do as much as she wants me to , like for instance
tonight she asked me again as she always has "can you check the babies bath
water for me ?" I was doing this ya know ..........
I said what would you do if I was not around and she made one of those teenage
sarcastic sounds and stomped off to bathe Jaime. :) Oh Well ! this too shall
pass. I am learning to let go some more.

>However, With you helping them out so much, and by the sounds of it, pretty
>much raising their child, you could be setting them up for a hard fall if,
>God forbid, something should happen to you.
>If tomorrow you failed to come home, would your daughter and her BF suddenly
>be able to be parents 100% of the time?
>

To be honest Betty , we have not been "raising " Jaime, Loving the heck out of
her and enjoying being able to be a part of her everyday life until they move
out on their own. The schedule we chose to take was for two reasons or maybe
three......
One was it is very important to me that my daughter gets to continue her
education just like the daddy is. She does not have it easy in school she is
learning disabled.
Second would be because Jaime is so young and it is so winter and so bitter
cold , I wanted her to not be drug around out in the cold to a daycare
situation only weeks and monhs old.Those "other" children carry germs ya know
:)
Thirdly yes I am
very much so still suffering from "fear of loss" so every possible protection
mechanism in me is activated.I could not sleep for long periods of time the
first month I had to check and make sure she was breathing ........ ugh. It is
getting better.
My daughter could indeed do it herself I am sure and I have realised she
is using us as much as possible and I think that is the teen in her . Her B/F
has no clue he has to be told to change her,feed her , make formula etc. He is
acting very much like one of those guys that sees it as womens work to take
care of the kids and I am biting my tongue a lot. The point you make about
"what if" I should not come home one day............yeah that could happen and
I agree If I don't let them do it without my two cents they may not know what
to do. I had already decided weeks ago that they would take the baby for her
Drs. appt. and WIC appt. I stayed home .

>My son's father died when he (my son) was 2. I was 35 years old, working
>and had my life totally together.
>Suddenly I was a single parent with almost no support.
>That was hard enough for me, I can't imagine having to go through that as a
>teenager.

sorry for your loss, I can say I know the pain and struggle I went through and
still go through some days..........my kids were much older 18 and 13, Gayles
kids were young adults when she died, I could not imagine having a 2 yr. old
and going through it. I do try to not throw too much on my daughter cause I
still see her grief and I still remember what we went through in the beginning
and It surely scares me . She is on 40 milligrams of Prozac daily for the
depression. We are still on baby steps. I think my problem with letting go is
grief related I am not sure.

>Your daughter may still be a child herself (all teenagers are) but she made
>the choice to become a parent, And that means giving up her childhood.
>I commend you for trying to help your daughter out as much as you can, but
>in the long run you may be doing her more harm then good.
>
>It might be time for you to take a stand, and say "you're the parents" now
>you have to act like it.
>Trust me, if push comes to shove, your daughter would step up to the plate
>and become a responsible parent.
>
Yes I absolutely agree, thank you for helping me learn what is best. It is hard
trying to parent a teen and let go at the same time, matter of fact it sucks.
Bev

>Anyway, just my 2 cents.
>Betty
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

>

Joelle

March 22nd 04, 03:06 AM

>Second would be because Jaime is so young and it is so winter and so bitter
>cold , I wanted her to not be drug around out in the cold to a daycare
>situation only weeks and monhs old.T

Okay as someone who raised two kids in the midwest - 20 degrees is not "bitter
cold" (Try 30 below - now *that* is bitter cold) and there's no reason you
can't take babies out in the cold as long as you bundle them up good and don't
leave em outside.

You are awfully busy telling people how wrong they are that maybe you aren't
taking enough time to consider what they are saying.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Abel Magana

March 22nd 04, 03:11 AM

Betty

March 22nd 04, 04:17 AM

"Bebelestrnge" > wrote in message
...
><snip>

> My daughter could indeed do it herself I am sure and I have realised
she
> is using us as much as possible and I think that is the teen in her . Her
B/F
> has no clue he has to be told to change her,feed her , make formula etc.
He is
> acting very much like one of those guys that sees it as womens work to
take
> care of the kids and I am biting my tongue a lot. The point you make about
> "what if" I should not come home one day............yeah that could happen
and
> I agree If I don't let them do it without my two cents they may not know
what
> to do. I had already decided weeks ago that they would take the baby for
her
> Drs. appt. and WIC appt. I stayed home .

Hi Bev,

I am glad to hear that you are making your daughter and her BF take more
responsibility. Not just for their own good, but for yours. From your
previous posts, it sounds like you are wearing yourself out. You wont be
any good to your daughter or your grand daughter if you end up in the
hospital.

I guess I can understand it being difficult for you to let go of your
daughter.
No matter how old our kids are, they are still our kids and we feel the need
to take care of them.
My mom was in her seventies, and still trying to take care of us kids.

I think it is great that your daughter is continuing her education. When
the time comes for her to start supporting her daughter herself, she will do
it much better with an education then without.

Betty

Bebelestrnge

March 22nd 04, 12:18 PM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: (Joelle)
>Date: 3/21/2004 10:06 PM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: >
>

>>Second would be because Jaime is so young and it is so winter and so bitter
>>cold , I wanted her to not be drug around out in the cold to a daycare
>>situation only weeks and monhs old.T
>

>Okay as someone who raised two kids in the midwest - 20 degrees is not
>"bitter
>cold" (Try 30 below - now *that* is bitter cold) and there's no reason you
>can't take babies out in the cold as long as you bundle them up good and
>don't
>leave em outside.
>
>
LOL! now bitter cold is what it is to whoever , I personally can't tolerate
40-50 degrees. I didn't mean 20 degrees ......Jaime Gayle was born in Dec. we
live in the Pocono area it was BITTER then . I have raised two kids In New
Jersey, I have 3 other (step) grandkids that we took on a regular basis when
they were infants.

You are awfully busy telling people how wrong they are that maybe you aren't
>taking enough time to consider what they are saying.
>
>Joelle
>The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
>Augustine
>Joelle
>
>
>
>
>
>

Bebelestrnge

March 22nd 04, 12:44 PM

Heh now I'll finish this, I went and hit the wrong key AGAIN ! Must be getting
spastic?
snip

>Okay as someone who raised two kids in the midwest - 20 degrees is not
>"bitter
>cold" (Try 30 below - now *that* is bitter cold) and there's no reason

O.K. something about having my grandkids ..........right , I do know how to
take them out in the cold and never was it an issue for me before......... I am
not the same person I use to be Joelle. I know it. I have said previously I can
be "anal" This is what I mean by that........................I don't like this
"me" I am petrified to lose, I still worry whenever my daughter is away from me
, It is not the normal "worry" it is grief related. I explained this in the
post you are commenting on , you picked out something you could crap on me for
and instead of giving a **** about the point I was making you are treating me
like an Idiot ...thank you, I am not , I am sorry you find this necessary and
Oh Well.

>
>You are awfully busy telling people how wrong they are that maybe you aren't
>taking enough time to consider what they are saying.

I didn't realize opening up my feelings to explain so maybe someone can
understand what is in my head and help them to understand what is going on and
maybe they can help me think differently is telling people they are wrong, I
was not trying to do that and don't feel I did. I have taken so much of the
good advice I have received here and have been slowly doing what I should to
help my daughter take more responsibility. I have considered everything
everyone has said including you. I am here for help , I expected all of this to
happen , I have read here for three years I know who is gonna do what beleive
me.........fuggetaboutit. Bev

p.s....why do you think I am here in the first place? I recognised what I was
doing and needed a push in the right direction, talking to other parents
getting good advice and some gentle slaps upside the head yes this is why I am
here I don't have a circle of friends to talk like this with in real life "Oh I
can't believe I said that" No body has any kids around me except family and I
don't go there with these things. ahhhhhhhh double fuggetaboutit o.k. :)

Bebelestrnge

March 22nd 04, 01:03 PM

>Subject: Re: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
>From: ">'Kate <>
>Date: 3/21/2004 10:42 PM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: >
>
>On Sun, 21 Mar 2004 21:11:44 -0600 (CST), (Abel
>Magana)
>>Hi. maybe you can help me. My dauther ran of with her boyfriend. She
>>stayed out all weekend and lied to me said she was going to my parents,
>>but never got there. After she got home i took away her cell phone and
>>the car. she said i didnt like her boyfriend and didnt want her to see
>>him. so she went to live with him and i have not heard from her and i
>>dont know where they live. three months before graduation from hight
>>school. She is 18yo. now i need someone to talk to.
>
>Hate to be the one to tell you this but she's 18 and there's nothing
>that you can do about it now. She willingly left your home and she is
>an adult.

Yep gotta agree, once they hit that wonderful age of 18 they can't drink or
smoke legally but they can leave home !
I moved out at 18, yep right frm the fire into the fryin' pan ! She will have
to learn on her own ...........now if I can just take that advice when it is my
turn :)
Bev

'Kate
>
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xkatx

March 23rd 04, 02:30 AM

> "Abel Magana" wrote in message news:...
> Hi. maybe you can help me. My dauther ran of with her boyfriend. She
> stayed out all weekend and lied to me said she was going to my parents,
> but never got there. After she got home i took away her cell phone and
> the car. she said i didnt like her boyfriend and didnt want her to see
> him. so she went to live with him and i have not heard from her and i
> dont know where they live. three months before graduation from hight
> school. She is 18yo. now i need someone to talk to.

First off, mind the fancy backgrounds and pictures. There are only ten types of people in this world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.
Secondly, I'll agree with the rest here that she's an adult and there's really not much you can do in regards to making her come back, if that's what you want and not what she wants. Here the age for a child to move out on their own, run away, get kicked out, whatever you want to call it, is only 16, so maybe she is old enough (and mature enough) to make it on her own, but for some reason I kind of doubt this, just based on the little bit you've said so far. If she's not mature enough to even consider any advice you have given her, then maybe, with time, she will realize that what you have said has not all been to hurt or control her. Maybe she will see that all you are doing is trying to help her, and maybe even save her from herself, at the least.
I was 16 and took off from home. Only advice I'd really have to offer right now is to keep your doors open to her and if at all possible, maybe through her friends, or if she has an email address that you know of, let her know that your doors are open to her, that you love her, care for her and worry about her, and perhaps she will consider this as it is, and put her in a position that she will understand, rather than get defensive.

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