DOes it?

[Dinky]

Does it ever go away? The pain, the anger, the confusion at having
been abandoned by the one person in the world whom you most trusted?
I was never sure I wanted children in the first place. I did it
because having children made her happy. I bought her a house. I
bought her a new car. Everything I did for her and now she's gone and
I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for and bills I cannot pay.
How do so many people survive this??????????????????

--

billy

[Paul Fritz]

"Dinky" > wrote in message
ink.net...
>

> I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for

Why are you not fit to care for them? Kids don't come with written
instructions, nor does gender automatically make one a better parent.

>and bills I cannot pay.

What type bills........utlitties? credit cards? there are many ways
around most problems, the first thing you have to do is swallow some pride
and make a few phone calls to your creditors.....then look to
charities....if you truely cannot afford to support your kids.

> How do so many people survive this??????????????????
>
> --
>
> billy
>
>

[Joelle]

> > I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for
>
> Why are you not fit to care for them? Kids don't come with written
>instructions, nor does gender automatically make one a better parent.

Your kids are how you are going to pull yourself out of this depression. You
cannot afford to sit around and contemplate your pain. Your children need you.
You have to be fit for them. Your children need you to see that there is joy
and trust and love and happiness in the world. Do it for their sake. Fake it.
After awhile you will discover it's no longer an act.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

[Paul Fritz]

"Joelle" > wrote in message
...
> > > I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for
> >
> > Why are you not fit to care for them? Kids don't come with written
> >instructions, nor does gender automatically make one a better parent.
>
> Your kids are how you are going to pull yourself out of this depression.
You
> cannot afford to sit around and contemplate your pain. Your children
need you.
> You have to be fit for them. Your children need you to see that there
is joy
> and trust and love and happiness in the world. Do it for their sake.
Fake it.
> After awhile you will discover it's no longer an act.


I would add also to show the kids they are the number one priority in your
life, especially when they are young.......whether not not you have material
things, etc, that will be the biggest factor in their
development.......they have already lost one parent, they cannot afford to
lose another.

>
> Joelle
> The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
> Augustine
> Joelle

[Shelley]

"Dinky" > wrote in message
ink.net...
> Does it ever go away? The pain, the anger, the confusion at having
> been abandoned by the one person in the world whom you most trusted?
> I was never sure I wanted children in the first place. I did it
> because having children made her happy. I bought her a house. I
> bought her a new car. Everything I did for her and now she's gone and
> I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for and bills I cannot pay.
> How do so many people survive this??????????????????
>
> --
>
> billy

You may find the people on here a little idealist. Being a single parent is
tough. My advice is, don't neglect your own needs, you need to be happy to
be a good parent. I made all the mistakes and continue to make them. If you
have friends, rely on them. Ditto family. Don't try to be superman, remember
you are human. Don't feel guilty if you don't get it right. Just do your
best. If you want to communicate with someone who isn't superhuman and a
superparent but has a sense of humour and can admit to failing, email me.
Shelley.

[Dinky]

"Paul Fritz" > wrote in message
...
|
| "Dinky" > wrote in message
| ink.net...
| >
|
| > I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for
|
| Why are you not fit to care for them?

Sorry, bad night, I have quite a few of those.
I don't feel qualified to raise these kids. I'm not a patient
man, never have been. I'm more fit to be a hermit or something. I'm
uncomfortable in groups, I prefer quiet..... loud, high-pitched
noises cause me pain due to my Sensory Integration Disorder, so I get
angry with them very often, I could easily imagine myself becoming
too punitive with them, my wife was the 'control' like the rods in a
uranium pile. She would see me getting too angry with them, and
intervene. AM classes never seem to address my issues. I just can't
see myself being able to do this for AT LEAST the next 14 years. Jess
will be moving out soon, but that will make it worse since she helps
out when she graces me with her exalted presence...am I rambling?
Guess that happens when the only conversation you get is with 4,5 and
7 year olds...oh god...puberty, proms, boyfriends, sex, cars,
money....people at work tell me I should date. Date!! LMAO!!! I
"work" 19-22 hours a day! (single parents know what I mean) I'm 31
years old, lousy job, heavily in debt, I have 4 kids, and I drive a
damn minivan!!! Heh!

[Paul Fritz]

"Dinky" > wrote in message
link.net...
>
>
>
> "Paul Fritz" > wrote in message
> ...
> |
> | "Dinky" > wrote in message
> | ink.net...
> | >
> |
> | > I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for
> |
> | Why are you not fit to care for them?
>
> Sorry, bad night, I have quite a few of those.
> I don't feel qualified to raise these kids. I'm not a patient
> man, never have been. I'm more fit to be a hermit or something. I'm
> uncomfortable in groups, I prefer quiet..... loud, high-pitched
> noises cause me pain due to my Sensory Integration Disorder, so I get
> angry with them very often, I could easily imagine myself becoming
> too punitive with them, my wife was the 'control' like the rods in a
> uranium pile. She would see me getting too angry with them, and
> intervene. AM classes never seem to address my issues. I just can't
> see myself being able to do this for AT LEAST the next 14 years. Jess
> will be moving out soon, but that will make it worse since she helps
> out when she graces me with her exalted presence...am I rambling?
> Guess that happens when the only conversation you get is with 4,5 and
> 7 year olds...oh god...puberty, proms, boyfriends, sex, cars,
> money....people at work tell me I should date. Date!! LMAO!!! I
> "work" 19-22 hours a day! (single parents know what I mean) I'm 31
> years old, lousy job, heavily in debt, I have 4 kids, and I drive a
> damn minivan!!! Heh!

So what, been there done that, and I am dealing with the puberty, 14 y.o.
..
parents are stupid, I don't know anything etc. I get ****ed at the high
pitched whine as well (and not just from the NG.) And what the hell is
wrong with driving a mini van? Did it for years, now I have a full size
one. Forget the disorder...they are your kids, there is NOTHING more
precious in the world. Let me tell you, it is even funnier when you try to
have an adult conversation with a women and one of the kid sandwiches
themselves between you and her to 'protect you' Hell I get to angry with
mine at times, then I realize that I am getting angry for the same things
that I did at that age. You have to play wih the hand you were dealt with,

>
>

[Joelle]

>You may find the people on here a little idealist.

WHat the hell are you talking about? There are no idealists here, there are
real flesh and blood people who have been through this and know what they are
talking about.

>My advice is, don't neglect your own needs, you need to be happy to
>be a good parent.

No, you don't need to be happy to be a good parent. If you are grieving, you
are not happy and you won't be happy for a long time, but you damn sure as hell
can be a good parent.

Joelle


The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

[Joelle]

> I prefer quiet..... loud, high-pitched
>noises cause me pain due to my Sensory Integration Disorder, so I get
>angry with them very ofte

That is going to have to stop. Whatever it takes. Is there medication?
Therapy? You have to figure out a way not to get angry with the kids.
They've lost their mom. They may even feel like it's their fault, you being
angry is only going to enforce that.

> I just can't
>see myself being able to do this for AT LEAST the next 14 years.

Okay, don't make any decisions for awhile...but if you seriously cannot handle
these children without subjecting them to your anger, is there someone else who
can take them for awhile?

>people at work tell me I should date.

They are full of ****. You absolutely have no business dating. Even if you
didn't have the kids, you are poor relationship material right now. Do not
date. Your kids need your FULL attention.

I think you can do this. I think you relied on Mom too long but I think you
can decide that you can be a good father. This may be the most heroic,
unselfish, important thing you have ever done in your life - I think you are up
to it.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

[Paul Fritz]

"Joelle" > wrote in message
...
> >You may find the people on here a little idealist.
>
> WHat the hell are you talking about? There are no idealists here, there
are
> real flesh and blood people who have been through this and know what
they are
> talking about.

I was going to comment earlier, but I thought I;d already stirred the pot
enough.......idealists.....hell no.......realists.....different story.
People here don;t put up with the 'woe is me" crap.

>
> >My advice is, don't neglect your own needs, you need to be happy to
> >be a good parent.
>
> No, you don't need to be happy to be a good parent. If you are
grieving, you
> are not happy and you won't be happy for a long time, but you damn sure
as hell
> can be a good parent.
>
> Joelle
>
>
> The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
> Augustine
> Joelle

[Dinky]

<interspersed and stuff>


"Joelle" > wrote in message
...

|
| That is going to have to stop. Whatever it takes. Is there
medication?
| Therapy? You have to figure out a way not to get angry with the
kids.
| They've lost their mom. They may even feel like it's their fault,
you being
| angry is only going to enforce that.

Aye, I know. I haven't the money for my meds, I was on Paxil for a
while early last year, and it HELPED. Big. I got my ex to sign off on
the house, and I'm refinancing, which will take some pressure off
financially. One of my priorities should be to get back on it, eh?<g>



|
| Okay, don't make any decisions for awhile...but if you seriously
cannot handle
| these children without subjecting them to your anger, is there
someone else who
| can take them for awhile?

My (ex) MIL lives next door, and watches the kids when I'm working.
She'd take them any time, but HER mother lives with her, and the
woman is harsh beyond words. I avoid leaving them there unless i have
no choice, but you're right, at any rate. I need to explore my
options in this area.

|
| >people at work tell me I should date.
|
| They are full of ****. You absolutely have no business dating.
Even if you
| didn't have the kids, you are poor relationship material right now.
Do not
| date. Your kids need your FULL attention.

Hmm....no, really, tell me how you feel about this, I want to know!
<eg>

Thanks for your time. I really think I've got a pretty good grip on
this, but the anger and hurt and frustration just comes boiling out
of nowhere some days.

billy

[lm]

On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 23:52:38 -0400, "Paul Fritz"
> wrote:

>
> "Joelle" > wrote in message
...
> > >You may find the people on here a little idealist.
> >
> > WHat the hell are you talking about? There are no idealists here, there
>are
> > real flesh and blood people who have been through this and know what
>they are
> > talking about.
>
> I was going to comment earlier, but I thought I;d already stirred the pot
>enough.......idealists.....hell no.......realists.....different story.
>People here don;t put up with the 'woe is me" crap.
>
Actually I do put up with the woe is me crap. I think people need to
purge a goodly amount of woe is me to get on track and this is a good
place to do it. When woe is me is someone's overall outlook on life
and they suck everyone around them under while they're at it, such as
in Bebelestrenge's (sp) situation, then I say something.

lm

[Tiffany]

"Dinky" > wrote in message
ink.net...
> Does it ever go away? The pain, the anger, the confusion at having
> been abandoned by the one person in the world whom you most trusted?
> I was never sure I wanted children in the first place. I did it
> because having children made her happy. I bought her a house. I
> bought her a new car. Everything I did for her and now she's gone and
> I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for and bills I cannot pay.
> How do so many people survive this??????????????????
>
> --
>
> billy
>
>

One day at a time. Don't even think about the next few years, just think
about today.

If you can't afford the meds you need, talk to a state program and see what
they can do. If your finances are that bad off, you might get help with your
meds.

Dating? What the hell makes you think you should be dating? If you don't
want to date, why date? Society makes us think we need to have a partner in
order to be normal or some ****. Dating is the last thing you should do to
the kids. Bring strange women around the kids won't help at all. Going out
without the kids every weekend won't help either.

T

[P.Fritz]

"Dinky" > wrote in message
link.net...
> <interspersed and stuff>
>
>
> "Joelle" > wrote in message
> ...
>
> |
> | That is going to have to stop. Whatever it takes. Is there
> medication?
> | Therapy? You have to figure out a way not to get angry with the
> kids.
> | They've lost their mom. They may even feel like it's their fault,
> you being
> | angry is only going to enforce that.
>
> Aye, I know. I haven't the money for my meds, I was on Paxil for a
> while early last year, and it HELPED. Big. I got my ex to sign off on
> the house, and I'm refinancing, which will take some pressure off
> financially. One of my priorities should be to get back on it, eh?<g>
>
>
>
> |
> | Okay, don't make any decisions for awhile...but if you seriously
> cannot handle
> | these children without subjecting them to your anger, is there
> someone else who
> | can take them for awhile?
>
> My (ex) MIL lives next door, and watches the kids when I'm working.
> She'd take them any time, but HER mother lives with her, and the
> woman is harsh beyond words. I avoid leaving them there unless i have
> no choice, but you're right, at any rate. I need to explore my
> options in this area.
>
> |
> | >people at work tell me I should date.
> |
> | They are full of ****. You absolutely have no business dating.
> Even if you
> | didn't have the kids, you are poor relationship material right now.
> Do not
> | date. Your kids need your FULL attention.
>
> Hmm....no, really, tell me how you feel about this, I want to know!
> <eg>
>
> Thanks for your time. I really think I've got a pretty good grip on
> this, but the anger and hurt and frustration just comes boiling out
> of nowhere some days.
>
> billy
>

The thing to is the moment you start thinking about the ex or the problems,
focus on something else, if you dwell on it, it just makes it worse. If a
song on the radio triggers a memory, change the channel. In time, the pain
will be less and less to the point where it won't bother you. Be
positive......it is her loss, not yours.

>

[Bebelestrnge0721]

>Subject: Re: DOes it?
>From: lm
>Date: 4/28/2004 7:02 AM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: >
>
>On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 23:52:38 -0400, "Paul Fritz"
> wrote:
>
>>
>> "Joelle" > wrote in message
...
>> > >You may find the people on here a little idealist.
>> >
>> > WHat the hell are you talking about? There are no idealists here, there
>>are
>> > real flesh and blood people who have been through this and know what
>>they are
>> > talking about.
>>
>> I was going to comment earlier, but I thought I;d already stirred the pot
>>enough.......idealists.....hell no.......realists.....different story.
>>People here don;t put up with the 'woe is me" crap.



lm wrote:
>Actually I do put up with the woe is me crap. I think people need to
>purge a goodly amount of woe is me to get on track and this is a good
>place to do it.

I agree that a support group is a good place to get it out on the table. Look
at it from others point of view, yes absolutely, but to have people you don't
know and really do not know you tell you you are a piece of **** parent because
of your past mistakes that you have made for what ever reason, has permanently
damaged your child and that what you are doing to change the hurts and make a
difference in both your own life and your childs life is selfish and "all about
you" really blows me away. I didn't have to open my at one time crappy
existence to anyone? I chose to share what I did to be understood better. I
failed yes, I do not want to fail anymore , I have worked hard to fill in the
cracks that happened in my emotional fall. I am not the same person today . I
am proud of what we have as a family, how we support one another and work
together to be happy and healthy today. It is working for us , I am grateful
for the help we have been given through the medical profession. When things go
atray for families as it did for us, there is all kinds of caring , helpful
organisations , therapists , and people that truelly care about the family
surviving tragic events that create mental health situations. I just don't
understand what happened here and am very sorry I can not participate in this
group as my family and I continue to try to do what is right for us. I wish
this turned out differently.


>When woe is me is someone's overall outlook on life
>and they suck everyone around them under while they're at it, such as
>in Bebelestrenge's (sp) situation, then I say something.


This is such a bunch of crap...... where do I have such an outlook on life? I
don't and this is just so far from what is true . I have a great outlook on the
future for myself and family. There is no one being hurt by the situation in
our home. Our houshold runs well, organised and with much love and concern for
the children in it. We are doing the right thing and that is all.
B

>lm
>
>
>
>
>
>

[P.Fritz]

WHOOOOOSH

"Bebelestrnge0721" > wrote in message
...
> >Subject: Re: DOes it?
> >From: lm
> >Date: 4/28/2004 7:02 AM Eastern Standard Time
> >Message-id: >
> >
> >On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 23:52:38 -0400, "Paul Fritz"
> > wrote:
> >
> >>
> >> "Joelle" > wrote in message
> ...
> >> > >You may find the people on here a little idealist.
> >> >
> >> > WHat the hell are you talking about? There are no idealists here,
there
> >>are
> >> > real flesh and blood people who have been through this and know what
> >>they are
> >> > talking about.
> >>
> >> I was going to comment earlier, but I thought I;d already stirred the
pot
> >>enough.......idealists.....hell no.......realists.....different story.
> >>People here don;t put up with the 'woe is me" crap.
>
>
>
> lm wrote:
> >Actually I do put up with the woe is me crap. I think people need to
> >purge a goodly amount of woe is me to get on track and this is a good
> >place to do it.
>
> I agree that a support group is a good place to get it out on the table.
Look
> at it from others point of view, yes absolutely, but to have people you
don't
> know and really do not know you tell you you are a piece of **** parent
because
> of your past mistakes that you have made for what ever reason, has
permanently
> damaged your child and that what you are doing to change the hurts and
make a
> difference in both your own life and your childs life is selfish and "all
about
> you" really blows me away. I didn't have to open my at one time crappy
> existence to anyone? I chose to share what I did to be understood better.
I
> failed yes, I do not want to fail anymore , I have worked hard to fill in
the
> cracks that happened in my emotional fall. I am not the same person today
.. I
> am proud of what we have as a family, how we support one another and work
> together to be happy and healthy today. It is working for us , I am
grateful
> for the help we have been given through the medical profession. When
things go
> atray for families as it did for us, there is all kinds of caring ,
helpful
> organisations , therapists , and people that truelly care about the family
> surviving tragic events that create mental health situations. I just don't
> understand what happened here and am very sorry I can not participate in
this
> group as my family and I continue to try to do what is right for us. I
wish
> this turned out differently.
>
>
> >When woe is me is someone's overall outlook on life
> >and they suck everyone around them under while they're at it, such as
> >in Bebelestrenge's (sp) situation, then I say something.
>
>
> This is such a bunch of crap...... where do I have such an outlook on
life? I
> don't and this is just so far from what is true . I have a great outlook
on the
> future for myself and family. There is no one being hurt by the situation
in
> our home. Our houshold runs well, organised and with much love and concern
for
> the children in it. We are doing the right thing and that is all.
> B
>
> >lm
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>

[Shelley]

> Dating? What the hell makes you think you should be dating? If you don't
> want to date, why date? Society makes us think we need to have a partner
in
> order to be normal or some ****. Dating is the last thing you should do to
> the kids. Bring strange women around the kids won't help at all. Going out
> without the kids every weekend won't help either.
>
> T

Says who? We all need a break. We can't all be devoted earth
mothers/fathers. Dating isn't compulsory but eventually he will want to.
Going out without the kids should be compulsory.

[Joelle]

>Dating is the last thing you should do to
>> the kids

>Says who?

People who know what they are talking about.l

>We all need a break.

That's not the same as devoting energy that needs to be directed at the kids.
There's only so much energy to allocate. Right now, the kids need all he can
muster.

>We can't all be devoted earth
>mothers/fathers.

I don't know what earth has to do with it, but I don't know why you can't be a
devoted mother or father.

>but eventually he will want to.

Sure, and after awhile, it will be right. But just because you want to do
something doens't mean it's a good thing to do.

>Going out without the kids should be compulsory.

Taking a break once in awhile to be with other adults, adult conversation,
socializing, yes. Getting involved in a romantic relationship right now will
take time, resources and energy from the kids - and they need it more.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

[Tiffany]

"Joelle" > wrote in message
...
> >Dating is the last thing you should do to
> >> the kids
>
> >Says who?
>
> People who know what they are talking about.l
>
> >We all need a break.
>
> That's not the same as devoting energy that needs to be directed at the
kids.
> There's only so much energy to allocate. Right now, the kids need all he
can
> muster.
>
> >We can't all be devoted earth
> >mothers/fathers.
>
> I don't know what earth has to do with it, but I don't know why you can't
be a
> devoted mother or father.
>
> >but eventually he will want to.
>
> Sure, and after awhile, it will be right. But just because you want to do
> something doens't mean it's a good thing to do.
>
> >Going out without the kids should be compulsory.
>
> Taking a break once in awhile to be with other adults, adult conversation,
> socializing, yes. Getting involved in a romantic relationship right now
will
> take time, resources and energy from the kids - and they need it more.
>
> Joelle


Yeah, what she said. Thanks Joelle.... you saved me some energy. :)

T

[Dinky]

"P.Fritz" > wrote in message
...
|
| The thing to is the moment you start thinking about the ex or the
problems,
| focus on something else, if you dwell on it, it just makes it
worse. If a


Easier said than done, but true enough.



<aside> Wonderful. Bottom posting is annoying enough, couple that
with the apparent "no snipping" rule in this group...wow..<eg>

/me ducks


billy

[Dinky]

<'Kate> wrote in message
...
| On Thu, 29 Apr 2004 03:12:32 GMT, "Dinky"
| >
|
|
| almost as annoying as people who think that IRC codes work here.
|
| /slap
|


It's just a funny, dear, I was not under the impression it would
work. I've been using "fake" html codes and IRC jargon for years on
USENET, and I must say, you are the first one to ever mention it. And
I thought *I* was hostile..<eg>

billy

[quietguy]

Dinky, I am not unsympathetic, I have been there and know how bad the
pain can be.

BUT - you are an adult, and the thing that YOU MUST do now is to put all
your energy into helping those kids of yours. You have only lost your
wife, but they seem to have lost BOTH their parents - you by not wanting
them, and their mother by leaving them.

So, be a man, and start taking care of those kids as your first priority
- and in time you will find that that helps you as well.

David -

Dinky wrote:

> Does it ever go away? The pain, the anger, the confusion at having
> been abandoned by the one person in the world whom you most trusted?
> I was never sure I wanted children in the first place. I did it
> because having children made her happy. I bought her a house. I
> bought her a new car. Everything I did for her and now she's gone and
> I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for and bills I cannot pay.
> How do so many people survive this??????????????????
>
> --
>
> billy

[xkatx]

"Dinky" wrote in message...
>
>
>
> "Paul Fritz" wrote in message...
> |
> | "Dinky" wrote in message...
> | >
> |
> | > I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for
> |
> | Why are you not fit to care for them?
>
> Sorry, bad night, I have quite a few of those.
> I don't feel qualified to raise these kids. I'm not a patient
> man, never have been. I'm more fit to be a hermit or something. I'm
> uncomfortable in groups, I prefer quiet..... loud, high-pitched
> noises cause me pain due to my Sensory Integration Disorder, so I get
> angry with them very often, I could easily imagine myself becoming
> too punitive with them, my wife was the 'control' like the rods in a
> uranium pile. She would see me getting too angry with them, and
> intervene.

Maybe you should have thought of this (your temper, ability to control your
emotions) BEFORE you had four children.

> AM classes never seem to address my issues. I just can't
> see myself being able to do this for AT LEAST the next 14 years. Jess
> will be moving out soon, but that will make it worse since she helps
> out when she graces me with her exalted presence...am I rambling?
> Guess that happens when the only conversation you get is with 4,5 and
> 7 year olds...oh god... puberty, proms, boyfriends, sex, cars,
> money....people at work tell me I should date. Date!! LMAO!!! I
> "work" 19-22 hours a day! (single parents know what I mean) I'm 31
> years old, lousy job, heavily in debt, I have 4 kids, and I drive a
> damn minivan!!! Heh!

A minivan? So what?? Consider yourself lucky. I haven't seen a trace of
my car since Christmas Day when he took off with it after a fight we had
been having since August! What I now drive is nothing. I am now very
friendly with the public transportation, my bicycle, skateboard and feet. I
couldn't even afford to drive right now even if he did, somehow, for some
reason, allow my car to find its way back home. Insurance is insane, and
with the recent prices of gas being 82.5¢/L, you should consider yourself
somewhat lucky, even be greatful, that you have, at least, one factor to
help you out just a little bit, even if it is a minivan. Would a motorcycle
be better or more appealing to you? A 2-seater, expensive sports car?
Thinking realistically, a minivan doesn't seem so bad. You have the room
for your children, and who really cares about anything else, except that it
gets you, and your children, from point A to point B conveniently. Are you
not impressed with your minivan because you have someone to impress?

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

[xkatx]

"Dinky" wrote in message...
>
>
>
> "P.Fritz" wrote in message...
> |
> | The thing to is the moment you start thinking about the ex or the
> problems,
> | focus on something else, if you dwell on it, it just makes it
> worse. If a
>
>
> Easier said than done, but true enough.
>
>
>
> <aside> Wonderful. Bottom posting is annoying enough, couple that
> with the apparent "no snipping" rule in this group...wow..<eg>
>
> /me ducks
>
>
> billy
>

Bottom posting?? Annoying?? Who in the what now?
"No snipping" rule? What in sam hill are you talking about???

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

[xkatx]

"Shelley" wrote in message ...
>
> "Dinky" wrote in message ...
> > Does it ever go away? The pain, the anger, the confusion at having
> > been abandoned by the one person in the world whom you most trusted?
> > I was never sure I wanted children in the first place. I did it
> > because having children made her happy. I bought her a house. I
> > bought her a new car. Everything I did for her and now she's gone and
> > I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for and bills I cannot pay.
> > How do so many people survive this??????????????????
> >
> > --
> >
> > billy
>
> You may find the people on here a little idealist. Being a single parent
is
> tough. My advice is, don't neglect your own needs, you need to be happy to
> be a good parent. I made all the mistakes and continue to make them. If
you
> have friends, rely on them. Ditto family. Don't try to be superman,
remember
> you are human. Don't feel guilty if you don't get it right. Just do your
> best. If you want to communicate with someone who isn't superhuman and a
> superparent but has a sense of humour and can admit to failing, email me.
> Shelley.
>
>

What ARE you talking about? I'm not going to comment on the idealist
comment you had because it's already been done. Don't neglect your needs,
but often you might find yourself needing to neglect your wants for your
childrens' needs, and even wants. Your child(ren) MUST come first, even if
it means that you don't get to buy that new movie YOU wanted, just so your
child(ren) can have supper. That's your want vs. their need.

I've found that trying to rely on friends, sometimes even family, is the
worst thing you can do. Rely on yourself and strive to rely on yourself
only. Help and support is another thing. Friends and family can be good at
offering help and support, but I don't believe in relying on others.

Who here believes they are Supermom or Superdad? I don't believe anyone
does. There's been times when each one of us has had problems or issues and
needed some advice or pointers. Some were posting here, others, I'm sure,
have worked things out in other ways. No one, that I've seen, has ever
claimed, or tried to prove, they are some fantastic parent who has not had
any problems, issues or failings. Give me a break and don't try and make
every single parent look incompetent.

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

[xkatx]

"Joelle" wrote in message ...

<snip>

> >Going out without the kids should be compulsory.
>
> Taking a break once in awhile to be with other adults, adult conversation,
> socializing, yes. Getting involved in a romantic relationship right now
will
> take time, resources and energy from the kids - and they need it more.

Save your bandwidth. I think 'Shelley' missed the part when you said,
"Going out WITHOUT THE KIDS EVERY WEEKEND won't help either."
I find it funny that post had been snipped of what the real meaning behind
it was meant to be.


> Joelle
> The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
> Augustine
> Joelle

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?