Can I force 13 YO to abort?

[DebLeppard]

I just found out that my 13 year old daughter is
pregnant by a 19 year old man. I want her to have an
abortion and for him to go jail. She refuses. Is
there anyway that I can force her to? She apparently
has no idea what she is doing. Does a child have a
choice in a matter like this?

[Bebelestrnge0721]

>Subject: Can I force 13 YO to abort?
>From: DebLeppard
>Date: 4/30/2004 1:34 AM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: >
>
>I just found out that my 13 year old daughter is
>pregnant by a 19 year old man. I want her to have an
>abortion and for him to go jail. She refuses. Is
>there anyway that I can force her to? She apparently
>has no idea what she is doing. Does a child have a
>choice in a matter like this?
>

I am so sorry you are facing this kind of a decision, I was faced with this
myself 13 months ago. My daughter is 16 though and had been in a steady
relationship with a 16 yr old boy. I contemplated that option . I chose for
several reasons not to do that, First was, I know should I have forced my
daughter to have an abortion she would have run away or possibly harmed herself
or forever hate me for her loss. I knew unless it was something she wanted to
do it was not an option for us. If she had said to me she wanted to do this I
would have supported her if that was her choice,but I have developed the
opinion that abortion is not a form of birth control . I am not putting anyone
down for thier choices , I just have seen it used over and over again by some
people and that is wrong in my opinion.
It is hard to say what say a child has in this, I was more concerned with what
ever choices were made my daughter survived it with her mental health intact.
She has been through hell and back and is doing o.k. keeping her baby, her
boyfriend is involved and supportive, and I was willing to give up a couple, a
few years to help them. My situation is different from yours and I wish there
was a clear cut answer I could give you, but between abortion and adoption I
would suggest adoption, if this is not something you can do as I have. You know
your daughter better than anyone and I personally feel you have to make a
decision that best protects your childs emotional and physical well being.
good luck I know how hard this is for you.
Bev

[Joelle]

Um, I think the whole idea of being pro choice means the woman has the right to
CHOOSE. Yea I know she's not a woman, but this isn't China.

Not to be flip, but it's a little too late to gain control of your 13 year old.
There are district attorneys in some places that are pushing stautary rape
laws in these cases, but what is that going to accomplish?

Legally you cannot force your daughter to abort but you probably can make it an
appealing option if you refuse her any support if she carries the baby to term
- although that may push her into less savory characters who will support her.

But does she really need to be strong armed at this point? I don't think you
should promise her to help raise the baby. Although I support legal abortion,
my own moral outlook just doesn't see that pushing a 13 year old to kill her
own child is going to help her grow up into a well adjusted happy woman, which
is what you want isn't it?

Adoption right off isn't going to be attractive to either one of you right now.
You want the easy answer of making both the baby and the father go away
instantly. She wants the easy answer of a baby who she thinks will give her
the love she has been missing in her life. I think with counseling for both of
you, love and support, helping her make the most couragious and unselfish
choice in the world to give her child an adult mother and father and secure
home in the long term will make her a better and happier person in the long
run. That's what you want right? Your daughter to grow up strong, couragious
and proud of herself?

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

[DebLeppard]

There's more. This happened at her friends house. The
boy/man is the big brother of her best friend.
Apparently they have been sleeping together for 3
months. I'm pretty sure that the best friends mother
knew about it and didn't stop it or bother to let me
know. And I just found out that the boy's father is a
registered sex offender!!! Can it be called statutory
rape if she consented? And what if she had been 8 or
5? How consenting can a child be? If they are coerced
into it and they don't really know what is going on how
can that be considered consent? Where do you draw the
line?

[lm]

On Fri, 30 Apr 2004 14:33:51 GMT, DebLeppard
> wrote:

>There's more. This happened at her friends house. The
>boy/man is the big brother of her best friend.
>Apparently they have been sleeping together for 3
>months. I'm pretty sure that the best friends mother
>knew about it and didn't stop it or bother to let me
>know. And I just found out that the boy's father is a
>registered sex offender!!! Can it be called statutory
>rape if she consented? And what if she had been 8 or
>5? How consenting can a child be? If they are coerced
>into it and they don't really know what is going on how
>can that be considered consent? Where do you draw the
>line?

I hope you're not waiting for answers from this newsgroup before you
act. Have you called the police? Social Services?

lm

[Joelle]

>And I just found out that the boy's father is a
>registered sex offender!!!

Too bad you didn't pay more attention to where your daughter was spending her
time BEFORE this, but what is done is done.

>Can it be called statutory
>rape if she consented?

That's the whole idea of statutory rape. We assume that a child doesn't have
the good judgment to consent. Obviously she was manipulated and this 19 year
old is a piece of skum and it wouldn't break my heart to throw his ass in
jail...

But you have to get past your anger and concentrate on your little girl. This
is not going away. There isn't going to be an easy resolution to this, even an
abortion is going to have repurcussions.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

[Karen O'Mara]

DebLeppard > wrote in message >...
> I just found out that my 13 year old daughter is
> pregnant by a 19 year old man. I want her to have an
> abortion and for him to go jail. She refuses. Is
> there anyway that I can force her to? She apparently
> has no idea what she is doing. Does a child have a
> choice in a matter like this?

You could press charges on the man. Your daughter will probably hate
you for that, though.

This is tough. It seems the boyfriend advice will come before yours.
Perhaps, contacting an agency such as Planned Parenthood or Child
Protective Services for advice of what to do.

Karen

[Tiffany]

Though I am sure getting justice is important, more important is your
daughter. If they were sleeping together for 3 months, chances are she
consented. Wrong, yes. Whets done is done. Take care of her, report what
happen and let the police take care of him.


"DebLeppard" > wrote in message
...
> There's more. This happened at her friends house. The
> boy/man is the big brother of her best friend.
> Apparently they have been sleeping together for 3
> months. I'm pretty sure that the best friends mother
> knew about it and didn't stop it or bother to let me
> know. And I just found out that the boy's father is a
> registered sex offender!!! Can it be called statutory
> rape if she consented? And what if she had been 8 or
> 5? How consenting can a child be? If they are coerced
> into it and they don't really know what is going on how
> can that be considered consent? Where do you draw the
> line?
>

[Karen O'Mara]

DebLeppard > wrote in message >...
> There's more. This happened at her friends house. The
> boy/man is the big brother of her best friend.
> Apparently they have been sleeping together for 3
> months. I'm pretty sure that the best friends mother
> knew about it and didn't stop it or bother to let me
> know. And I just found out that the boy's father is a
> registered sex offender!!! Can it be called statutory
> rape if she consented? And what if she had been 8 or
> 5? How consenting can a child be? If they are coerced
> into it and they don't really know what is going on how
> can that be considered consent? Where do you draw the
> line?

After a certain age, slumber parties or sleepovers, are just a recipe
asking for trouble. Kids get into trouble with the "I'm sleeping over
at so-and-so's tonight," unless you know who the chaperones are. This
is the age of experimenting with drugs, alcohol and sex. Sometimes
both kids say they're sleeping over at each other's house, and they're
no where to be found at all...

Your daughter is more connected to that family/household than her own,
it seems. Her best friend, her boyfriend, her best friend's and
boyfriend's mother, are where her loyalties lie right now, it seems to
me right now. Is your daughter confiding in you, or looking for advice
or compassion, or is a battle brewing between you? I'm not sure what
to advise except I'd probably call the police at this point.

Karen

[V]

"DebLeppard" > wrote in message
...
> I just found out that my 13 year old daughter is
> pregnant by a 19 year old man. I want her to have an
> abortion and for him to go jail. She refuses. Is
> there anyway that I can force her to? She apparently
> has no idea what she is doing. Does a child have a
> choice in a matter like this?
>

First of all, perhaps a bit of time to put all the pieces of the puzzle
together before you react. If you react harshly you could lose your daughter
and granddaughter. I know you must be so angry at her and angry at the young
man. Is he still in high school? Does he carry any type of ability to support
a child? I would seriously offer the advice of counseling for you both on
assisting in the decision to obtain an abortion and please include the young
man, because it is his child too. Everyone pretty much knows me as a feminist
and Pro Choice, but I also believe that rash uncalculated decisions as adults
upon children leads to a cycle of hate that we live with everyday by seeing
Domestic Violence, etc. Please remember she is still young and impressionable
yet mostly needs you to be the sane one. I wish you all the best in this
decision. If you need any additional information, please feel free to email me
at vbiggsthreetwofivefive at frontiernet.net. use the numbers 3255, I am
trying to avoid the spaminators.


This is a great article and although biased in prolife, they have many great
articles and the scary thought is that teens who have an abortion have a
higher rate of suicide.
http://www.afterabortion.org/PAR/V9/n1/teens_vs_older.html


This is an interesting question and would be a great legal question to ask my
professor. This is final week so don't count on a response this week, but I
did find a few articles:

Woman Will Serve No Jail Time in Forced Abortion Case

A Florida woman who forced her 15-year-old daughter to go to an abortion
clinic at gunpoint will not serve any time in jail or have a criminal record.
Glenda Dowis, 42, was sentenced to two years' community service and three
years' probation as part of a plea agreement.

Dowis was arrested after telling an employee at a Fort Pierce abortion clinic
she was going to "blow her [daughter's] brains out" if she did not abort, and
her daughter wrote on a form that her mother was forcing her to have an
abortion. Abortion facility workers called police, who later found a gun in
Dowis' car. Prosecutors say they accepted Dowis' plea agreement because her
daughter, who did not have an abortion but no longer lives with her mother,
refused to testify against her. (Sources: Palm Beach Post, Aug. 2, 2000;
Associated Press; Jan. 6, 2001)
Here is a link to the follow up:
http://www.cwfa.org/articledisplay.asp?id=1436&department=CWA&categoryid=life


* *Australian Killed Husband After Forced Abortions

An Australian woman will serve at least 18 months in prison for killing her
husband, whom she says raped her and used threats to force her to have two
abortions.

Yun Young Ko, a Korean native, told police she could "hear a baby crying" when
she stabbed her husband, Shin Woong Ha, to death in August 1999. In setting a
maximum sentence of four years in prison, the judge ruled that Ko was
"substantially impaired" by severe depression and that Ha's brutal treatment
of her had caused her to lose control. (Source: Australian Associated Press,
Dec. 11, 2000)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Originally printed in The Post-Abortion Review, Vol. 9(1), Jan.-March 2001.
Copyright 2001, Elliot Institute. *

[Paul Fritz]

I'm beginning to smell troll around the OP


"Tiffany" > wrote in message
...
> Though I am sure getting justice is important, more important is your
> daughter. If they were sleeping together for 3 months, chances are she
> consented. Wrong, yes. Whets done is done. Take care of her, report what
> happen and let the police take care of him.
>
>
> "DebLeppard" > wrote in message
> ...
> > There's more. This happened at her friends house. The
> > boy/man is the big brother of her best friend.
> > Apparently they have been sleeping together for 3
> > months. I'm pretty sure that the best friends mother
> > knew about it and didn't stop it or bother to let me
> > know. And I just found out that the boy's father is a
> > registered sex offender!!! Can it be called statutory
> > rape if she consented? And what if she had been 8 or
> > 5? How consenting can a child be? If they are coerced
> > into it and they don't really know what is going on how
> > can that be considered consent? Where do you draw the
> > line?
> >
>
>

[DebLeppard]

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

[V]

What the hell is what supposed to mean?
You snipped whomever you were replying to. Tell you what: learn to use the
newsgroups before posting.
V
"DebLeppard" > wrote in message
...
> What the hell is that supposed to mean?
>

[V]

"V" > wrote in message
...

> You snipped whomever you were replying to. Tell you what: learn to use the
> newsgroups before posting.
> V
> "DebLeppard" > wrote in message
> ...
> > What the hell is that supposed to mean?
> >
>
>