What can I do?

[[email protected]]

All,

I really don't know what to do with this, so I'm just looking to vent and get
opinions.

I'm married, my wife had an affair last year and just had a baby a month ago.
We had thought the baby was mine, but apparently it isn't, she took a swab test
with the guy and I it came back positive. I had forgiven her for the affair,
but now with this baby not being mine, it has complicated things greatly. I'm
going to take the blood test, but if it's not mine and the biological father
wants a claim, do I have any right to dispute it? I'm willing to raise the
child as my own, but I cannot have the constant reminder of her infidelity
coming to pick him up every other weekend.

Thanks for your input.

[Clark Simmons]

In most states, I would think that you are the legal father. That would
probably preclude any rights of the biological father. I would think that if
you are comfortable with the way things are now, I'd leave well enough alone.

--
Regards,
Clark, Still Free in Round Rock Texas USA
http://xld.com - Freedom's Home Page
http://xld.com/public/xldata/net.htm - ISP Service
God Bless America and her friends!



> wrote in message ...
> All,
>
> I really don't know what to do with this, so I'm just looking to vent and get
> opinions.
>
> I'm married, my wife had an affair last year and just had a baby a month ago.
> We had thought the baby was mine, but apparently it isn't, she took a swab
test
> with the guy and I it came back positive. I had forgiven her for the affair,
> but now with this baby not being mine, it has complicated things greatly. I'm
> going to take the blood test, but if it's not mine and the biological father
> wants a claim, do I have any right to dispute it? I'm willing to raise the
> child as my own, but I cannot have the constant reminder of her infidelity
> coming to pick him up every other weekend.
>
> Thanks for your input.
>


---
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Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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[Clark Simmons]

In most states, I would think that you are the legal father. That would
probably preclude any rights of the biological father. I would think that if
you are comfortable with the way things are now, I'd leave well enough alone.

--
Regards,
Clark, Still Free in Round Rock Texas USA
http://xld.com - Freedom's Home Page
http://xld.com/public/xldata/net.htm - ISP Service
God Bless America and her friends!



> wrote in message ...
> All,
>
> I really don't know what to do with this, so I'm just looking to vent and get
> opinions.
>
> I'm married, my wife had an affair last year and just had a baby a month ago.
> We had thought the baby was mine, but apparently it isn't, she took a swab
test
> with the guy and I it came back positive. I had forgiven her for the affair,
> but now with this baby not being mine, it has complicated things greatly. I'm
> going to take the blood test, but if it's not mine and the biological father
> wants a claim, do I have any right to dispute it? I'm willing to raise the
> child as my own, but I cannot have the constant reminder of her infidelity
> coming to pick him up every other weekend.
>
> Thanks for your input.
>


---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.512 / Virus Database: 309 - Release Date: 8/21/2003

[Kenneth S.]

wrote:
>
> All,
>
> I really don't know what to do with this, so I'm just looking to vent and get
> opinions.
>
> I'm married, my wife had an affair last year and just had a baby a month ago.
> We had thought the baby was mine, but apparently it isn't, she took a swab test
> with the guy and I it came back positive. I had forgiven her for the affair,
> but now with this baby not being mine, it has complicated things greatly. I'm
> going to take the blood test, but if it's not mine and the biological father
> wants a claim, do I have any right to dispute it? I'm willing to raise the
> child as my own, but I cannot have the constant reminder of her infidelity
> coming to pick him up every other weekend.
>
> Thanks for your input.

I'd be VERY careful about this one if I were you. The very first thing
I would do is consult someone, possibly a lawyer, about what the law is
in your state about this situation.

I'm not a lawyer, but I've been involved in these issues for more than
10 years, and I write up court cases for a quarterly newsletter. There
is a VERY serious risk to you in this situation. The risk is that, if
you do not do the right things, the child will be taken to be yours.
Then, if your wife decides to divorce you, you will be stuck with
decades of paying "child support" to her in respect of the child that
resulted from her adultery.

There may be some way of getting on the record the fact that this man
is the father, and you are not. If that is the case, you would be
well-advised to use the mechanism.

[Kenneth S.]

wrote:
>
> All,
>
> I really don't know what to do with this, so I'm just looking to vent and get
> opinions.
>
> I'm married, my wife had an affair last year and just had a baby a month ago.
> We had thought the baby was mine, but apparently it isn't, she took a swab test
> with the guy and I it came back positive. I had forgiven her for the affair,
> but now with this baby not being mine, it has complicated things greatly. I'm
> going to take the blood test, but if it's not mine and the biological father
> wants a claim, do I have any right to dispute it? I'm willing to raise the
> child as my own, but I cannot have the constant reminder of her infidelity
> coming to pick him up every other weekend.
>
> Thanks for your input.

I'd be VERY careful about this one if I were you. The very first thing
I would do is consult someone, possibly a lawyer, about what the law is
in your state about this situation.

I'm not a lawyer, but I've been involved in these issues for more than
10 years, and I write up court cases for a quarterly newsletter. There
is a VERY serious risk to you in this situation. The risk is that, if
you do not do the right things, the child will be taken to be yours.
Then, if your wife decides to divorce you, you will be stuck with
decades of paying "child support" to her in respect of the child that
resulted from her adultery.

There may be some way of getting on the record the fact that this man
is the father, and you are not. If that is the case, you would be
well-advised to use the mechanism.

[Bob Whiteside]

"Kenneth S." > wrote in message
...
> wrote:
> >
> > All,
> >
> > I really don't know what to do with this, so I'm just looking to vent
and get
> > opinions.
> >
> > I'm married, my wife had an affair last year and just had a baby a month
ago.
> > We had thought the baby was mine, but apparently it isn't, she took a
swab test
> > with the guy and I it came back positive. I had forgiven her for the
affair,
> > but now with this baby not being mine, it has complicated things
greatly. I'm
> > going to take the blood test, but if it's not mine and the biological
father
> > wants a claim, do I have any right to dispute it? I'm willing to raise
the
> > child as my own, but I cannot have the constant reminder of her
infidelity
> > coming to pick him up every other weekend.
> >
> > Thanks for your input.
>
> I'd be VERY careful about this one if I were you. The very first thing
> I would do is consult someone, possibly a lawyer, about what the law is
> in your state about this situation.
>
> I'm not a lawyer, but I've been involved in these issues for more than
> 10 years, and I write up court cases for a quarterly newsletter. There
> is a VERY serious risk to you in this situation. The risk is that, if
> you do not do the right things, the child will be taken to be yours.
> Then, if your wife decides to divorce you, you will be stuck with
> decades of paying "child support" to her in respect of the child that
> resulted from her adultery.
>
> There may be some way of getting on the record the fact that this man
> is the father, and you are not. If that is the case, you would be
> well-advised to use the mechanism.

Great advise. A child born to a woman cohabiting with her husband is
presumed to be the child of the husband. Most states have a slightly
different law for couples living apart without a separation decree. An
attorney can help you understand how you can use the laws in your state to
challenge the presumptions in the law. But you have to do it now. Most
state have a statute limiting the time for challenges. They will also have
some pre-defined burden of proof for the father to present such as fraud,
duress, or mistakes of material facts. If you wait until there is an issue
of divorce, you will be forced to pay CS for a child that is not your own.

It may be your best hope is to have the biological father sign a voluntary
declaration of paternity to establish his acknowledgement of paternity. The
laws vary by state.

[Bob Whiteside]

"Kenneth S." > wrote in message
...
> wrote:
> >
> > All,
> >
> > I really don't know what to do with this, so I'm just looking to vent
and get
> > opinions.
> >
> > I'm married, my wife had an affair last year and just had a baby a month
ago.
> > We had thought the baby was mine, but apparently it isn't, she took a
swab test
> > with the guy and I it came back positive. I had forgiven her for the
affair,
> > but now with this baby not being mine, it has complicated things
greatly. I'm
> > going to take the blood test, but if it's not mine and the biological
father
> > wants a claim, do I have any right to dispute it? I'm willing to raise
the
> > child as my own, but I cannot have the constant reminder of her
infidelity
> > coming to pick him up every other weekend.
> >
> > Thanks for your input.
>
> I'd be VERY careful about this one if I were you. The very first thing
> I would do is consult someone, possibly a lawyer, about what the law is
> in your state about this situation.
>
> I'm not a lawyer, but I've been involved in these issues for more than
> 10 years, and I write up court cases for a quarterly newsletter. There
> is a VERY serious risk to you in this situation. The risk is that, if
> you do not do the right things, the child will be taken to be yours.
> Then, if your wife decides to divorce you, you will be stuck with
> decades of paying "child support" to her in respect of the child that
> resulted from her adultery.
>
> There may be some way of getting on the record the fact that this man
> is the father, and you are not. If that is the case, you would be
> well-advised to use the mechanism.

Great advise. A child born to a woman cohabiting with her husband is
presumed to be the child of the husband. Most states have a slightly
different law for couples living apart without a separation decree. An
attorney can help you understand how you can use the laws in your state to
challenge the presumptions in the law. But you have to do it now. Most
state have a statute limiting the time for challenges. They will also have
some pre-defined burden of proof for the father to present such as fraud,
duress, or mistakes of material facts. If you wait until there is an issue
of divorce, you will be forced to pay CS for a child that is not your own.

It may be your best hope is to have the biological father sign a voluntary
declaration of paternity to establish his acknowledgement of paternity. The
laws vary by state.

[Jon]

As to your statement about step-fathers. I am a double step father. Met my
ex who had a 2 year old boy, Married her when he was almost 4. I raised
him as my own, regardless of what the deadbeat father did or most of the
time, didn't do. Divorced her in 1998. My step son then chose to move in
with me in 2001 when his mother moved out of town. He was 17 and chose me
over his natural father. Can't say I wasn't his daddy.
Now I am happily re-married and my wife has a 16 year old son. He chose to
live at his father's house, about 50 miles south of here. We see him every
other weekend, and a few extra weeks during the summer if he wants. He is
very comfortable with me and we joke around and have a good time together.
Am I his dad, no, but I try to be a good friend, but also a guide for him as
he goes thru his teen years.

Just because you had a bad time with your step-father, doesn't mean you will
be a bad step-father. If you really want to be this boy's dad, go for it,
and the blood chemistry doesn't matter. If you are unsure about the future,
just remember, choices today affect your wallet tomorrow.
Jon

[Jon]

As to your statement about step-fathers. I am a double step father. Met my
ex who had a 2 year old boy, Married her when he was almost 4. I raised
him as my own, regardless of what the deadbeat father did or most of the
time, didn't do. Divorced her in 1998. My step son then chose to move in
with me in 2001 when his mother moved out of town. He was 17 and chose me
over his natural father. Can't say I wasn't his daddy.
Now I am happily re-married and my wife has a 16 year old son. He chose to
live at his father's house, about 50 miles south of here. We see him every
other weekend, and a few extra weeks during the summer if he wants. He is
very comfortable with me and we joke around and have a good time together.
Am I his dad, no, but I try to be a good friend, but also a guide for him as
he goes thru his teen years.

Just because you had a bad time with your step-father, doesn't mean you will
be a bad step-father. If you really want to be this boy's dad, go for it,
and the blood chemistry doesn't matter. If you are unsure about the future,
just remember, choices today affect your wallet tomorrow.
Jon

[Tracy]

"Jon" > wrote in message
...
> As to your statement about step-fathers. I am a double step father. Met
my
> ex who had a 2 year old boy, Married her when he was almost 4. I raised
> him as my own, regardless of what the deadbeat father did or most of the
> time, didn't do. Divorced her in 1998. My step son then chose to move in
> with me in 2001 when his mother moved out of town. He was 17 and chose me
> over his natural father. Can't say I wasn't his daddy.
> Now I am happily re-married and my wife has a 16 year old son. He chose
to
> live at his father's house, about 50 miles south of here. We see him
every
> other weekend, and a few extra weeks during the summer if he wants. He is
> very comfortable with me and we joke around and have a good time together.
> Am I his dad, no, but I try to be a good friend, but also a guide for him
as
> he goes thru his teen years.
>
> Just because you had a bad time with your step-father, doesn't mean you
will
> be a bad step-father. If you really want to be this boy's dad, go for it,
> and the blood chemistry doesn't matter. If you are unsure about the
future,
> just remember, choices today affect your wallet tomorrow.
> Jon


Very well put Jon.

To the original poster - follow your heart, and you won't go wrong. There
was this nice lady who use to post here under the name of "Lori". Her
husband cheated on her and a child was born to the woman he cheated with.
She decided to remain with her husband and work through this issue. Her
husband pays child support to the woman he had the affair with. To some it
would be hard to forgive such a thing - especially when a child is the end
result. The child is a constant reminder of the affair, and it must hurt
like - well, you know. You are going to face one very tough road in front
of you, but if you can find it within your heart to continue on with your
marriage and be a father to the child regardless - then go for it. You will
do no wrong by doing such a thing.


Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***

[Tracy]

"Jon" > wrote in message
...
> As to your statement about step-fathers. I am a double step father. Met
my
> ex who had a 2 year old boy, Married her when he was almost 4. I raised
> him as my own, regardless of what the deadbeat father did or most of the
> time, didn't do. Divorced her in 1998. My step son then chose to move in
> with me in 2001 when his mother moved out of town. He was 17 and chose me
> over his natural father. Can't say I wasn't his daddy.
> Now I am happily re-married and my wife has a 16 year old son. He chose
to
> live at his father's house, about 50 miles south of here. We see him
every
> other weekend, and a few extra weeks during the summer if he wants. He is
> very comfortable with me and we joke around and have a good time together.
> Am I his dad, no, but I try to be a good friend, but also a guide for him
as
> he goes thru his teen years.
>
> Just because you had a bad time with your step-father, doesn't mean you
will
> be a bad step-father. If you really want to be this boy's dad, go for it,
> and the blood chemistry doesn't matter. If you are unsure about the
future,
> just remember, choices today affect your wallet tomorrow.
> Jon


Very well put Jon.

To the original poster - follow your heart, and you won't go wrong. There
was this nice lady who use to post here under the name of "Lori". Her
husband cheated on her and a child was born to the woman he cheated with.
She decided to remain with her husband and work through this issue. Her
husband pays child support to the woman he had the affair with. To some it
would be hard to forgive such a thing - especially when a child is the end
result. The child is a constant reminder of the affair, and it must hurt
like - well, you know. You are going to face one very tough road in front
of you, but if you can find it within your heart to continue on with your
marriage and be a father to the child regardless - then go for it. You will
do no wrong by doing such a thing.


Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***

[[email protected]]

I know how difficult this is going to be, he'll definately be a constant reminder.
I'm extremely tossed, almost like I'm in a no win situation. If I leave her, I
know they'll both have a crappy life, at least for the short term. It's not the
baby's fault any of this happened, so part of me feels like it'll be punishment.
Of course, the other side says she deserves anything I can dish out, but
unfortunately I'm not that type of person. I still love my wife, and I don't
think I can leave her when she needs me the most. I know I'm in for a lot of
questions, maybe some embarrassment, and a lot of pain/hurt initially. I just
think about 1 year or two from now, if I did divorce her, and try to picture my
life. It's a very difficult position to be in, and one I never imagined I would
have to deal with. It's like a bad soap opera or talk show topic. I've been
asking myself what if I didn't know, or didn't find out for a year or two, after
I've grown much more attached to him. Would I still leave? Probably not, but
by then I'm sure any court would rule that I am his father and that would be the
end of the story. Unfortunately(or fortunately, depending on which side of the
fence you sit on), I don't have the luxury of burying my head in the sand and
ignoring this.

As far as child support goes, and that I'd be responsible, it's not an issue at
this point. I don't want to throw them both aside just on the chance that we
eventually divorce and I'm stuck with supporting him. If it came down to where
I was declared his father, with nobody else in the picture, then I would be the
best father I could be. If a court comes and says that this other guy has
rights, then he's got the child support to deal with, and I could leave without
a worry about it.

[[email protected]]

I know how difficult this is going to be, he'll definately be a constant reminder.
I'm extremely tossed, almost like I'm in a no win situation. If I leave her, I
know they'll both have a crappy life, at least for the short term. It's not the
baby's fault any of this happened, so part of me feels like it'll be punishment.
Of course, the other side says she deserves anything I can dish out, but
unfortunately I'm not that type of person. I still love my wife, and I don't
think I can leave her when she needs me the most. I know I'm in for a lot of
questions, maybe some embarrassment, and a lot of pain/hurt initially. I just
think about 1 year or two from now, if I did divorce her, and try to picture my
life. It's a very difficult position to be in, and one I never imagined I would
have to deal with. It's like a bad soap opera or talk show topic. I've been
asking myself what if I didn't know, or didn't find out for a year or two, after
I've grown much more attached to him. Would I still leave? Probably not, but
by then I'm sure any court would rule that I am his father and that would be the
end of the story. Unfortunately(or fortunately, depending on which side of the
fence you sit on), I don't have the luxury of burying my head in the sand and
ignoring this.

As far as child support goes, and that I'd be responsible, it's not an issue at
this point. I don't want to throw them both aside just on the chance that we
eventually divorce and I'm stuck with supporting him. If it came down to where
I was declared his father, with nobody else in the picture, then I would be the
best father I could be. If a court comes and says that this other guy has
rights, then he's got the child support to deal with, and I could leave without
a worry about it.

[gini52]

> wrote in message ...
> I know how difficult this is going to be, he'll definately be a constant
reminder.
> I'm extremely tossed, almost like I'm in a no win situation. If I leave
her, I
> know they'll both have a crappy life, at least for the short term. It's
not the
> baby's fault any of this happened, so part of me feels like it'll be
punishment.
> Of course, the other side says she deserves anything I can dish out,
but
> unfortunately I'm not that type of person. I still love my wife, and I
don't
> think I can leave her when she needs me the most. I know I'm in for a lot
of
> questions, maybe some embarrassment, and a lot of pain/hurt initially. I
just
> think about 1 year or two from now, if I did divorce her, and try to
picture my
> life. It's a very difficult position to be in, and one I never imagined I
would
> have to deal with. It's like a bad soap opera or talk show topic. I've
been
> asking myself what if I didn't know, or didn't find out for a year or two,
after
> I've grown much more attached to him. Would I still leave? Probably not,
but
> by then I'm sure any court would rule that I am his father and that would
be the
> end of the story. Unfortunately(or fortunately, depending on which side
of the
> fence you sit on), I don't have the luxury of burying my head in the sand
and
> ignoring this.
>
> As far as child support goes, and that I'd be responsible, it's not an
issue at
> this point. I don't want to throw them both aside just on the chance that
we
> eventually divorce and I'm stuck with supporting him. If it came down to
where
> I was declared his father, with nobody else in the picture, then I would
be the
> best father I could be. If a court comes and says that this other guy has
> rights, then he's got the child support to deal with, and I could leave
without
> a worry about it.
==
I really commend your ethics and caring. This must be incredibly difficult.
No one here
can tell you what is best. My concern is that you proceed with knowledge of
what *could* happen.
How would you feel if your wife left you and got back together with the
boy's father and you were required to pay child support for him? Since this
seems a distinct possibility, you really need to consider it. This seems to
be about the worst that could happen for you. If you come to grips with it,
then I believe you are ready to decide your course.
==
==
>
>

[gini52]

> wrote in message ...
> I know how difficult this is going to be, he'll definately be a constant
reminder.
> I'm extremely tossed, almost like I'm in a no win situation. If I leave
her, I
> know they'll both have a crappy life, at least for the short term. It's
not the
> baby's fault any of this happened, so part of me feels like it'll be
punishment.
> Of course, the other side says she deserves anything I can dish out,
but
> unfortunately I'm not that type of person. I still love my wife, and I
don't
> think I can leave her when she needs me the most. I know I'm in for a lot
of
> questions, maybe some embarrassment, and a lot of pain/hurt initially. I
just
> think about 1 year or two from now, if I did divorce her, and try to
picture my
> life. It's a very difficult position to be in, and one I never imagined I
would
> have to deal with. It's like a bad soap opera or talk show topic. I've
been
> asking myself what if I didn't know, or didn't find out for a year or two,
after
> I've grown much more attached to him. Would I still leave? Probably not,
but
> by then I'm sure any court would rule that I am his father and that would
be the
> end of the story. Unfortunately(or fortunately, depending on which side
of the
> fence you sit on), I don't have the luxury of burying my head in the sand
and
> ignoring this.
>
> As far as child support goes, and that I'd be responsible, it's not an
issue at
> this point. I don't want to throw them both aside just on the chance that
we
> eventually divorce and I'm stuck with supporting him. If it came down to
where
> I was declared his father, with nobody else in the picture, then I would
be the
> best father I could be. If a court comes and says that this other guy has
> rights, then he's got the child support to deal with, and I could leave
without
> a worry about it.
==
I really commend your ethics and caring. This must be incredibly difficult.
No one here
can tell you what is best. My concern is that you proceed with knowledge of
what *could* happen.
How would you feel if your wife left you and got back together with the
boy's father and you were required to pay child support for him? Since this
seems a distinct possibility, you really need to consider it. This seems to
be about the worst that could happen for you. If you come to grips with it,
then I believe you are ready to decide your course.
==
==
>
>

[[email protected]]

gini52 wrote:
> ==
> I really commend your ethics and caring. This must be incredibly difficult.
> No one here
> can tell you what is best. My concern is that you proceed with knowledge of
> what *could* happen.
> How would you feel if your wife left you and got back together with the
> boy's father and you were required to pay child support for him? Since this
> seems a distinct possibility, you really need to consider it. This seems to
> be about the worst that could happen for you. If you come to grips with it,
> then I believe you are ready to decide your course.
> ==

She wants absoultely nothing to do with him. Assuming I can believe what she's
telling me now, I know how much I mean to her, and that she'd even consider
giving the
baby up if it meant me staying. I don't think I'd ever ask her to do that, and I'd
leave first before she would need to make that decision.

The one thing that's complicating things the most is this guy. He's harrassing
her now, almost to the point of threatening her. We're seeing the lawyer today,
possibly a restraining order will be needed either way.

[[email protected]]

gini52 wrote:
> ==
> I really commend your ethics and caring. This must be incredibly difficult.
> No one here
> can tell you what is best. My concern is that you proceed with knowledge of
> what *could* happen.
> How would you feel if your wife left you and got back together with the
> boy's father and you were required to pay child support for him? Since this
> seems a distinct possibility, you really need to consider it. This seems to
> be about the worst that could happen for you. If you come to grips with it,
> then I believe you are ready to decide your course.
> ==

She wants absoultely nothing to do with him. Assuming I can believe what she's
telling me now, I know how much I mean to her, and that she'd even consider
giving the
baby up if it meant me staying. I don't think I'd ever ask her to do that, and I'd
leave first before she would need to make that decision.

The one thing that's complicating things the most is this guy. He's harrassing
her now, almost to the point of threatening her. We're seeing the lawyer today,
possibly a restraining order will be needed either way.

[[email protected]]

gini52 wrote:
> ==
> I'm glad you are seeing a lawyer. Please let us know what he/she says. Best
> wishes to you.
> ==
> ==>


Well, Mr. Lawyer told us what we figured, to just sit tight and not do anything.
We should wait for him to issue the court order. Sometimes people like this
just go away, or he'll show his true colors when confronted with the thought of
21 years of Child Support. Then again, he may not, and we'll have to deal with
this then. So until then, we hope he either digs himself a hole he can't get
out of, or decides he doesn't want this committment. As for me and what I do
with all of this, I still don't know. I hope to be able to stand by her side
throughout this and go along with what happens, but I don't know if I'll be able
to take the crap that comes with a decision against us, which is more than
likely if it were to happen anytime soon. The more time that goes by, the
better off it'll be. I'm assumed to be the father, but since I know I'm not(99%
at least, and I'll check that if/when we get a summons) and wanted to get a
divorce, I'm sure I can get out of child support, unless I did wind up adopting
him. At this point I think I would, even though it would be an extremely
difficult thing to do, besides the fact that we'd(she'd) have to let the whole
family down by breaking the news.

Thanks for all the input.

[[email protected]]

gini52 wrote:
> ==
> I'm glad you are seeing a lawyer. Please let us know what he/she says. Best
> wishes to you.
> ==
> ==>


Well, Mr. Lawyer told us what we figured, to just sit tight and not do anything.
We should wait for him to issue the court order. Sometimes people like this
just go away, or he'll show his true colors when confronted with the thought of
21 years of Child Support. Then again, he may not, and we'll have to deal with
this then. So until then, we hope he either digs himself a hole he can't get
out of, or decides he doesn't want this committment. As for me and what I do
with all of this, I still don't know. I hope to be able to stand by her side
throughout this and go along with what happens, but I don't know if I'll be able
to take the crap that comes with a decision against us, which is more than
likely if it were to happen anytime soon. The more time that goes by, the
better off it'll be. I'm assumed to be the father, but since I know I'm not(99%
at least, and I'll check that if/when we get a summons) and wanted to get a
divorce, I'm sure I can get out of child support, unless I did wind up adopting
him. At this point I think I would, even though it would be an extremely
difficult thing to do, besides the fact that we'd(she'd) have to let the whole
family down by breaking the news.

Thanks for all the input.

[gini52]

> wrote in message ...
>
>
> gini52 wrote:
> > ==
> > I'm glad you are seeing a lawyer. Please let us know what he/she says.
Best
> > wishes to you.
> > ==
> > ==>
>
>
> Well, Mr. Lawyer told us what we figured, to just sit tight and not do
anything.
> We should wait for him to issue the court order. Sometimes people like
this
> just go away, or he'll show his true colors when confronted with the
thought of
> 21 years of Child Support. Then again, he may not, and we'll have to deal
with
> this then. So until then, we hope he either digs himself a hole he can't
get
> out of, or decides he doesn't want this committment. As for me and what I
do
> with all of this, I still don't know. I hope to be able to stand by her
side
> throughout this and go along with what happens, but I don't know if I'll
be able
> to take the crap that comes with a decision against us, which is more than
> likely if it were to happen anytime soon. The more time that goes by, the
> better off it'll be. I'm assumed to be the father, but since I know I'm
not(99%
> at least, and I'll check that if/when we get a summons) and wanted to get
a
> divorce, I'm sure I can get out of child support, unless I did wind up
adopting
> him. At this point I think I would, even though it would be an extremely
> difficult thing to do, besides the fact that we'd(she'd) have to let the
whole
> family down by breaking the news.
>
> Thanks for all the input.
==
This is an area of family law that is in transition which is one reason I
was glad you saw an attorney. In PA you would be the legal father with all
its rewards and responsibilities regardless of what the bio father did/does.
He would have no more paternal rights than a stranger on the street. At this
time, you might not be able to get out of child support if there were a
divorce. Case law is against you there with the idea that even if you are
not the father, the child thinks you are and you can not walk away from that
responsibility. Many non-fathers in your situation are working to have the
laws changed so that men do not have to pay child support for a child who is
not theirs, even if blood tests confirm that. They are still being ordered
to pay as long as they "acted" life the father. The only typical exception
is with step-fathers. Anyway, I hope you keep us updated as you are treading
an area of great interest for men.
==
==
>

[gini52]

> wrote in message ...
>
>
> gini52 wrote:
> > ==
> > I'm glad you are seeing a lawyer. Please let us know what he/she says.
Best
> > wishes to you.
> > ==
> > ==>
>
>
> Well, Mr. Lawyer told us what we figured, to just sit tight and not do
anything.
> We should wait for him to issue the court order. Sometimes people like
this
> just go away, or he'll show his true colors when confronted with the
thought of
> 21 years of Child Support. Then again, he may not, and we'll have to deal
with
> this then. So until then, we hope he either digs himself a hole he can't
get
> out of, or decides he doesn't want this committment. As for me and what I
do
> with all of this, I still don't know. I hope to be able to stand by her
side
> throughout this and go along with what happens, but I don't know if I'll
be able
> to take the crap that comes with a decision against us, which is more than
> likely if it were to happen anytime soon. The more time that goes by, the
> better off it'll be. I'm assumed to be the father, but since I know I'm
not(99%
> at least, and I'll check that if/when we get a summons) and wanted to get
a
> divorce, I'm sure I can get out of child support, unless I did wind up
adopting
> him. At this point I think I would, even though it would be an extremely
> difficult thing to do, besides the fact that we'd(she'd) have to let the
whole
> family down by breaking the news.
>
> Thanks for all the input.
==
This is an area of family law that is in transition which is one reason I
was glad you saw an attorney. In PA you would be the legal father with all
its rewards and responsibilities regardless of what the bio father did/does.
He would have no more paternal rights than a stranger on the street. At this
time, you might not be able to get out of child support if there were a
divorce. Case law is against you there with the idea that even if you are
not the father, the child thinks you are and you can not walk away from that
responsibility. Many non-fathers in your situation are working to have the
laws changed so that men do not have to pay child support for a child who is
not theirs, even if blood tests confirm that. They are still being ordered
to pay as long as they "acted" life the father. The only typical exception
is with step-fathers. Anyway, I hope you keep us updated as you are treading
an area of great interest for men.
==
==
>

[Clark Simmons]

Several possible pitfalls have been pointed out to him. He seems to be
receptive to being responsible for the child. If the biological father is a
scuzzbag, the guy should be admired for his stand. He should go with his gut
feeling.

--
Regards,
Clark, Still Free in Round Rock Texas USA
http://xld.com - Freedom's Home Page
http://xld.com/public/xldata/net.htm - ISP Service
God Bless America and her friends!



"gini52" > wrote in message
...
>
> ==
> This is an area of family law that is in transition which is one reason I
> was glad you saw an attorney. In PA you would be the legal father with all
> its rewards and responsibilities regardless of what the bio father did/does.
> He would have no more paternal rights than a stranger on the street. At this
> time, you might not be able to get out of child support if there were a
> divorce. Case law is against you there with the idea that even if you are
> not the father, the child thinks you are and you can not walk away from that
> responsibility. Many non-fathers in your situation are working to have the
> laws changed so that men do not have to pay child support for a child who is
> not theirs, even if blood tests confirm that. They are still being ordered
> to pay as long as they "acted" life the father. The only typical exception
> is with step-fathers. Anyway, I hope you keep us updated as you are treading
> an area of great interest for men.
> ==
> ==
> >
>
>


---
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[Clark Simmons]

Several possible pitfalls have been pointed out to him. He seems to be
receptive to being responsible for the child. If the biological father is a
scuzzbag, the guy should be admired for his stand. He should go with his gut
feeling.

--
Regards,
Clark, Still Free in Round Rock Texas USA
http://xld.com - Freedom's Home Page
http://xld.com/public/xldata/net.htm - ISP Service
God Bless America and her friends!



"gini52" > wrote in message
...
>
> ==
> This is an area of family law that is in transition which is one reason I
> was glad you saw an attorney. In PA you would be the legal father with all
> its rewards and responsibilities regardless of what the bio father did/does.
> He would have no more paternal rights than a stranger on the street. At this
> time, you might not be able to get out of child support if there were a
> divorce. Case law is against you there with the idea that even if you are
> not the father, the child thinks you are and you can not walk away from that
> responsibility. Many non-fathers in your situation are working to have the
> laws changed so that men do not have to pay child support for a child who is
> not theirs, even if blood tests confirm that. They are still being ordered
> to pay as long as they "acted" life the father. The only typical exception
> is with step-fathers. Anyway, I hope you keep us updated as you are treading
> an area of great interest for men.
> ==
> ==
> >
>
>


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Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.512 / Virus Database: 309 - Release Date: 8/23/2003

[Chris Owens]

wrote:
>
> All,
>
> I really don't know what to do with this, so I'm just looking to vent and get
> opinions.
>
> I'm married, my wife had an affair last year and just had a baby a month ago.
> We had thought the baby was mine, but apparently it isn't, she took a swab test
> with the guy and I it came back positive. I had forgiven her for the affair,
> but now with this baby not being mine, it has complicated things greatly. I'm
> going to take the blood test, but if it's not mine and the biological father
> wants a claim, do I have any right to dispute it? I'm willing to raise the
> child as my own, but I cannot have the constant reminder of her infidelity
> coming to pick him up every other weekend.
>
> Thanks for your input.

OK, make your choice NOW, and never look back:

1. Accept this child as yours; skip the paterntity test; and
accept that, if your marriage ever ends, you will be responsible
as the father of this child.

2. Deny the child; get a divorce; and challenge paternity during
the proceedings so that you aren't responsible for support.

This IS the proverbial fork in the road, hon; you can't have
both, and you have a fairly narrow window to choose.

Chris Owens


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[Chris Owens]

wrote:
>
> All,
>
> I really don't know what to do with this, so I'm just looking to vent and get
> opinions.
>
> I'm married, my wife had an affair last year and just had a baby a month ago.
> We had thought the baby was mine, but apparently it isn't, she took a swab test
> with the guy and I it came back positive. I had forgiven her for the affair,
> but now with this baby not being mine, it has complicated things greatly. I'm
> going to take the blood test, but if it's not mine and the biological father
> wants a claim, do I have any right to dispute it? I'm willing to raise the
> child as my own, but I cannot have the constant reminder of her infidelity
> coming to pick him up every other weekend.
>
> Thanks for your input.

OK, make your choice NOW, and never look back:

1. Accept this child as yours; skip the paterntity test; and
accept that, if your marriage ever ends, you will be responsible
as the father of this child.

2. Deny the child; get a divorce; and challenge paternity during
the proceedings so that you aren't responsible for support.

This IS the proverbial fork in the road, hon; you can't have
both, and you have a fairly narrow window to choose.

Chris Owens


-----= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =-----
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