Losing custody of my children

[PapaPolarbear]

"Tracey" > wrote in message
...
> My girls (ages 11 and 12) have spent the last two weeks with their father.
> They've expressed no issues with me or my parenting skills in the past.
Now,
> after this time with their father, they suddenly claim that they hate me
and
> do not want to continue living with me. They claim that I have anger
> management issues. I was just recently (3 months ago) investigated by F&CS
> without any blame being laid on me. The children told the investigator
that
> they prefer living with me and the case seemed to be resolved.

The father has a responsibility to ensure the daughters do not harbour any
misplaced agression towards you. Allowing the girls to change homes based on
some new-found hatred is wrong because they really need to work this out
with you and while this may seem a pipe-dream you might consider family
councilling with your daughters to get to the real reasons. If it comes out
that the father has coerced them is some way this should be dealt with in a
manner that does not turn the tides for your daughters creating hatred of
their father.

> I suspect their father and new girlfriend have coerced them into saying
> these things so that he can have act as primary caregiver, which will mean
> he will no longer have to pay support (he's 4 month behind presently).
I've
> gone to the police to see what could be done, but due to the nature of our
> shared custody agreement, I cannot force them to come home.

The police are not your immediate resource, you need to approach this from a
"Let's find a solution" perspective and actually let them stay with dad
until this is resolved.

> I'm concerned about issues like drug use in the house, meals not being
> prepared on time, exposure to inappropriate environment (he takes them to
> the bar), etc. The police have told me to seek out legal advice. Does
> anybody out there have similar experiences? Can anybody offer advice on
what
> can be done to prepare for a legal battle like this?

These are concerns to bring to light with your lawyer and in court but you
will NEED proof. If you start spewing accusations without evidence you're
worse off. Take the time to ensure you don't get visibly upset in court,
remain calm, not cold, but calm. Let your lawyer do the talking if it comes
to court.

He will still owe the 4 months he owes and your best bet is that you can ask
for a 2 week/2 week split.Which may not be ideal, but doesn't place blame.
I'm not sure if geographical challenges play a part in that option.

Papa

[PapaPolarbear]

"Tracey" > wrote in message
...
> My girls (ages 11 and 12) have spent the last two weeks with their father.
> They've expressed no issues with me or my parenting skills in the past.
Now,
> after this time with their father, they suddenly claim that they hate me
and
> do not want to continue living with me. They claim that I have anger
> management issues. I was just recently (3 months ago) investigated by F&CS
> without any blame being laid on me. The children told the investigator
that
> they prefer living with me and the case seemed to be resolved.

The father has a responsibility to ensure the daughters do not harbour any
misplaced agression towards you. Allowing the girls to change homes based on
some new-found hatred is wrong because they really need to work this out
with you and while this may seem a pipe-dream you might consider family
councilling with your daughters to get to the real reasons. If it comes out
that the father has coerced them is some way this should be dealt with in a
manner that does not turn the tides for your daughters creating hatred of
their father.

> I suspect their father and new girlfriend have coerced them into saying
> these things so that he can have act as primary caregiver, which will mean
> he will no longer have to pay support (he's 4 month behind presently).
I've
> gone to the police to see what could be done, but due to the nature of our
> shared custody agreement, I cannot force them to come home.

The police are not your immediate resource, you need to approach this from a
"Let's find a solution" perspective and actually let them stay with dad
until this is resolved.

> I'm concerned about issues like drug use in the house, meals not being
> prepared on time, exposure to inappropriate environment (he takes them to
> the bar), etc. The police have told me to seek out legal advice. Does
> anybody out there have similar experiences? Can anybody offer advice on
what
> can be done to prepare for a legal battle like this?

These are concerns to bring to light with your lawyer and in court but you
will NEED proof. If you start spewing accusations without evidence you're
worse off. Take the time to ensure you don't get visibly upset in court,
remain calm, not cold, but calm. Let your lawyer do the talking if it comes
to court.

He will still owe the 4 months he owes and your best bet is that you can ask
for a 2 week/2 week split.Which may not be ideal, but doesn't place blame.
I'm not sure if geographical challenges play a part in that option.

Papa

[Tracey]

Hi



My girls (ages 11 and 12) have spent the last two weeks with their father.
They've expressed no issues with me or my parenting skills in the past. Now,
after this time with their father, they suddenly claim that they hate me and
do not want to continue living with me. They claim that I have anger
management issues. I was just recently (3 months ago) investigated by F&CS
without any blame being laid on me. The children told the investigator that
they prefer living with me and the case seemed to be resolved.



I suspect their father and new girlfriend have coerced them into saying
these things so that he can have act as primary caregiver, which will mean
he will no longer have to pay support (he's 4 month behind presently). I've
gone to the police to see what could be done, but due to the nature of our
shared custody agreement, I cannot force them to come home.



I'm concerned about issues like drug use in the house, meals not being
prepared on time, exposure to inappropriate environment (he takes them to
the bar), etc. The police have told me to seek out legal advice. Does
anybody out there have similar experiences? Can anybody offer advice on what
can be done to prepare for a legal battle like this?



Thanks in advance.

Tracey

[Tracey]

thankyou papapolarbear...I appreciate you reading through this long posting
and providing me with this info...if you have anymore tidbits please send
through
Tracey
"PapaPolarbear" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Tracey" > wrote in message
> ...
> > My girls (ages 11 and 12) have spent the last two weeks with their
father.
> > They've expressed no issues with me or my parenting skills in the past.
> Now,
> > after this time with their father, they suddenly claim that they hate me
> and
> > do not want to continue living with me. They claim that I have anger
> > management issues. I was just recently (3 months ago) investigated by
F&CS
> > without any blame being laid on me. The children told the investigator
> that
> > they prefer living with me and the case seemed to be resolved.
>
> The father has a responsibility to ensure the daughters do not harbour any
> misplaced agression towards you. Allowing the girls to change homes based
on
> some new-found hatred is wrong because they really need to work this out
> with you and while this may seem a pipe-dream you might consider family
> councilling with your daughters to get to the real reasons. If it comes
out
> that the father has coerced them is some way this should be dealt with in
a
> manner that does not turn the tides for your daughters creating hatred of
> their father.
>
> > I suspect their father and new girlfriend have coerced them into saying
> > these things so that he can have act as primary caregiver, which will
mean
> > he will no longer have to pay support (he's 4 month behind presently).
> I've
> > gone to the police to see what could be done, but due to the nature of
our
> > shared custody agreement, I cannot force them to come home.
>
> The police are not your immediate resource, you need to approach this from
a
> "Let's find a solution" perspective and actually let them stay with dad
> until this is resolved.
>
> > I'm concerned about issues like drug use in the house, meals not being
> > prepared on time, exposure to inappropriate environment (he takes them
to
> > the bar), etc. The police have told me to seek out legal advice. Does
> > anybody out there have similar experiences? Can anybody offer advice on
> what
> > can be done to prepare for a legal battle like this?
>
> These are concerns to bring to light with your lawyer and in court but you
> will NEED proof. If you start spewing accusations without evidence you're
> worse off. Take the time to ensure you don't get visibly upset in court,
> remain calm, not cold, but calm. Let your lawyer do the talking if it
comes
> to court.
>
> He will still owe the 4 months he owes and your best bet is that you can
ask
> for a 2 week/2 week split.Which may not be ideal, but doesn't place blame.
> I'm not sure if geographical challenges play a part in that option.
>
> Papa
>
>

[Tracey]

thankyou papapolarbear...I appreciate you reading through this long posting
and providing me with this info...if you have anymore tidbits please send
through
Tracey
"PapaPolarbear" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Tracey" > wrote in message
> ...
> > My girls (ages 11 and 12) have spent the last two weeks with their
father.
> > They've expressed no issues with me or my parenting skills in the past.
> Now,
> > after this time with their father, they suddenly claim that they hate me
> and
> > do not want to continue living with me. They claim that I have anger
> > management issues. I was just recently (3 months ago) investigated by
F&CS
> > without any blame being laid on me. The children told the investigator
> that
> > they prefer living with me and the case seemed to be resolved.
>
> The father has a responsibility to ensure the daughters do not harbour any
> misplaced agression towards you. Allowing the girls to change homes based
on
> some new-found hatred is wrong because they really need to work this out
> with you and while this may seem a pipe-dream you might consider family
> councilling with your daughters to get to the real reasons. If it comes
out
> that the father has coerced them is some way this should be dealt with in
a
> manner that does not turn the tides for your daughters creating hatred of
> their father.
>
> > I suspect their father and new girlfriend have coerced them into saying
> > these things so that he can have act as primary caregiver, which will
mean
> > he will no longer have to pay support (he's 4 month behind presently).
> I've
> > gone to the police to see what could be done, but due to the nature of
our
> > shared custody agreement, I cannot force them to come home.
>
> The police are not your immediate resource, you need to approach this from
a
> "Let's find a solution" perspective and actually let them stay with dad
> until this is resolved.
>
> > I'm concerned about issues like drug use in the house, meals not being
> > prepared on time, exposure to inappropriate environment (he takes them
to
> > the bar), etc. The police have told me to seek out legal advice. Does
> > anybody out there have similar experiences? Can anybody offer advice on
> what
> > can be done to prepare for a legal battle like this?
>
> These are concerns to bring to light with your lawyer and in court but you
> will NEED proof. If you start spewing accusations without evidence you're
> worse off. Take the time to ensure you don't get visibly upset in court,
> remain calm, not cold, but calm. Let your lawyer do the talking if it
comes
> to court.
>
> He will still owe the 4 months he owes and your best bet is that you can
ask
> for a 2 week/2 week split.Which may not be ideal, but doesn't place blame.
> I'm not sure if geographical challenges play a part in that option.
>
> Papa
>
>

[dani]

On Mon, 01 Sep 2003 11:46:36 -0700, Tracey wrote:

> Hi
>
>
>
> My girls (ages 11 and 12) have spent the last two weeks with their
> father. They've expressed no issues with me or my parenting skills in
> the past. Now, after this time with their father, they suddenly claim
> that they hate me and do not want to continue living with me. They claim
> that I have anger management issues. I was just recently (3 months ago)
> investigated by F&CS without any blame being laid on me. The children
> told the investigator that they prefer living with me and the case
> seemed to be resolved.
>
Get a copy of the report. It may come in handy. As for their sudden claim,
I would start documenting everything just in case you need it.
>
>
> I suspect their father and new girlfriend have coerced them into saying
> these things so that he can have act as primary caregiver, which will
> mean he will no longer have to pay support (he's 4 month behind
> presently).

This is plain wrong. I'm a father involved in the same type of BS and
nothing makes me hotter than this type of situation. It's a good thing my
seven year old has the wits to see right through this game and call my X
on this type of stuff. Unfortunately my 5 year old doesn't and sometimes
acts out. But, sometimes you just have to overlook this and make sure they
know you love them no matter what they say. It works.

> I've gone to the police to see what could be done, but due to the nature
> of our shared custody agreement, I cannot force them to come home.

You can if you have a Court order! Who has custody? what is the nature of
the agreement? Is it spelled out that they choose who they want to stay
with? I doubt it. If the COurt order says specifics about who get the
children and at what time, the Police have a duty to enforce the law. This
is spelled out very clearly in most state statutes and federal law as
well.
>
>
>
> I'm concerned about issues like drug use in the house, meals not being
> prepared on time, exposure to inappropriate environment (he takes them
> to the bar), etc. The police have told me to seek out legal advice. Does
> anybody out there have similar experiences? Can anybody offer advice on
> what can be done to prepare for a legal battle like this.

Here's a good site that will answer a lot of your guestions and give you
some immediate and good advice.

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/

~ Dani

[dani]

On Mon, 01 Sep 2003 11:46:36 -0700, Tracey wrote:

> Hi
>
>
>
> My girls (ages 11 and 12) have spent the last two weeks with their
> father. They've expressed no issues with me or my parenting skills in
> the past. Now, after this time with their father, they suddenly claim
> that they hate me and do not want to continue living with me. They claim
> that I have anger management issues. I was just recently (3 months ago)
> investigated by F&CS without any blame being laid on me. The children
> told the investigator that they prefer living with me and the case
> seemed to be resolved.
>
Get a copy of the report. It may come in handy. As for their sudden claim,
I would start documenting everything just in case you need it.
>
>
> I suspect their father and new girlfriend have coerced them into saying
> these things so that he can have act as primary caregiver, which will
> mean he will no longer have to pay support (he's 4 month behind
> presently).

This is plain wrong. I'm a father involved in the same type of BS and
nothing makes me hotter than this type of situation. It's a good thing my
seven year old has the wits to see right through this game and call my X
on this type of stuff. Unfortunately my 5 year old doesn't and sometimes
acts out. But, sometimes you just have to overlook this and make sure they
know you love them no matter what they say. It works.

> I've gone to the police to see what could be done, but due to the nature
> of our shared custody agreement, I cannot force them to come home.

You can if you have a Court order! Who has custody? what is the nature of
the agreement? Is it spelled out that they choose who they want to stay
with? I doubt it. If the COurt order says specifics about who get the
children and at what time, the Police have a duty to enforce the law. This
is spelled out very clearly in most state statutes and federal law as
well.
>
>
>
> I'm concerned about issues like drug use in the house, meals not being
> prepared on time, exposure to inappropriate environment (he takes them
> to the bar), etc. The police have told me to seek out legal advice. Does
> anybody out there have similar experiences? Can anybody offer advice on
> what can be done to prepare for a legal battle like this.

Here's a good site that will answer a lot of your guestions and give you
some immediate and good advice.

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/

~ Dani