No what?

[Jordan]

I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Jon]

It sounds like a ****ty situation. Makes it hard to remember that at one time, he was the only one for you and you got married. Try to do the best for your kids, thats all the advice I can offer. Good luck
Jon

"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Jon]

It sounds like a ****ty situation. Makes it hard to remember that at one time, he was the only one for you and you got married. Try to do the best for your kids, thats all the advice I can offer. Good luck
Jon

"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Cameron Stevens]

Jordon,

Not calling your son because your ex makes it difficult is just stupid. The only thing that will happen is that your son has the opportunity to think it's his fault or build resentment for you and your ex will have the opportunity to pit him against you. Call your son at all costs, regularly. Make sure your son knows you'll never let him down.

Not taking the opportunity at Christmas is simply selfish and petty. While you may be helping your ex out, but what's more important is you have a chance to spend time with your son. This was a selfish and foolish move.

IMHO: If you do what you have been doing you'll lose a son. If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom.

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Cameron Stevens]

Jordon,

Not calling your son because your ex makes it difficult is just stupid. The only thing that will happen is that your son has the opportunity to think it's his fault or build resentment for you and your ex will have the opportunity to pit him against you. Call your son at all costs, regularly. Make sure your son knows you'll never let him down.

Not taking the opportunity at Christmas is simply selfish and petty. While you may be helping your ex out, but what's more important is you have a chance to spend time with your son. This was a selfish and foolish move.

IMHO: If you do what you have been doing you'll lose a son. If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom.

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Jordan]

"If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom."
Cameron,

I see where you are coming from. I'm not coming from there.


"Cameron Stevens" > wrote in message ...
Jordon,

Not calling your son because your ex makes it difficult is just stupid. The only thing that will happen is that your son has the opportunity to think it's his fault or build resentment for you and your ex will have the opportunity to pit him against you. Call your son at all costs, regularly. Make sure your son knows you'll never let him down.

Not taking the opportunity at Christmas is simply selfish and petty. While you may be helping your ex out, but what's more important is you have a chance to spend time with your son. This was a selfish and foolish move.

IMHO: If you do what you have been doing you'll lose a son. If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom.

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Jordan]

"If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom."
Cameron,

I see where you are coming from. I'm not coming from there.


"Cameron Stevens" > wrote in message ...
Jordon,

Not calling your son because your ex makes it difficult is just stupid. The only thing that will happen is that your son has the opportunity to think it's his fault or build resentment for you and your ex will have the opportunity to pit him against you. Call your son at all costs, regularly. Make sure your son knows you'll never let him down.

Not taking the opportunity at Christmas is simply selfish and petty. While you may be helping your ex out, but what's more important is you have a chance to spend time with your son. This was a selfish and foolish move.

IMHO: If you do what you have been doing you'll lose a son. If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom.

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Cameron Stevens]

Jordan,

Then where are you coming from? If you're not really concerned with being a Mom then let it lie, drop out of your son's life and stop asking for pity or patronage and get on with your life?

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
"If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom."
Cameron,

I see where you are coming from. I'm not coming from there.


"Cameron Stevens" > wrote in message ...
Jordon,

Not calling your son because your ex makes it difficult is just stupid. The only thing that will happen is that your son has the opportunity to think it's his fault or build resentment for you and your ex will have the opportunity to pit him against you. Call your son at all costs, regularly. Make sure your son knows you'll never let him down.

Not taking the opportunity at Christmas is simply selfish and petty. While you may be helping your ex out, but what's more important is you have a chance to spend time with your son. This was a selfish and foolish move.

IMHO: If you do what you have been doing you'll lose a son. If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom.

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Cameron Stevens]

Jordan,

Then where are you coming from? If you're not really concerned with being a Mom then let it lie, drop out of your son's life and stop asking for pity or patronage and get on with your life?

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
"If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom."
Cameron,

I see where you are coming from. I'm not coming from there.


"Cameron Stevens" > wrote in message ...
Jordon,

Not calling your son because your ex makes it difficult is just stupid. The only thing that will happen is that your son has the opportunity to think it's his fault or build resentment for you and your ex will have the opportunity to pit him against you. Call your son at all costs, regularly. Make sure your son knows you'll never let him down.

Not taking the opportunity at Christmas is simply selfish and petty. While you may be helping your ex out, but what's more important is you have a chance to spend time with your son. This was a selfish and foolish move.

IMHO: If you do what you have been doing you'll lose a son. If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom.

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Jordan]

Ummm, Cameron.

You're off base. Where did I ask for pity or patronage? Why did you assume that it's possible that I could lose my son? Why did you assume that my son has lost his mother? It's very possible that my son could be mad at his father for what he knows is irresponsible behavior on his fathers part. Do you think that the phone is the only way to communicate? Let's see, I can list other ways:

Email
Relatives
Letters
Visits to School

Why do you think I'm as ex-wife? I mentioned a long court battle, but I never said divorce.

Why do you chose the words stupid and petty to describe my desire not to take my son during Xmas vacation? I work. What was I suppose to do? Stay home and lose my job because the custodial father made no plans for our son. I made plans for my school aged daughter during that time, why couldn't he do the same?

Your response was so filled with assumption and even disgust, coupled with provocative language that I didn't care to respond too deeply to your initial post. However; this time, I just wanted to point out how off base you are, because you are.

No doubt, given the nature of your previous post, there will be some argumentative, assumptive response designed to camouflage the obvious, which I will not respond to. If I wanted to argue, I'd still be in court.

But thank you. I'm a strategic learner and this experience has taught me that I need to write with more clarity. Secondly, I've learned that this newsgroup (after reading the post here), is not about child support or child related issues. It's about friendships built on common interest (hatred of the government and all who use it's services) and if you don't share that view, it's not the place for you.

Take care Cameron and please work on your reading comprehension.

Bye.

"Cameron Stevens" > wrote in message ...
Jordan,

Then where are you coming from? If you're not really concerned with being a Mom then let it lie, drop out of your son's life and stop asking for pity or patronage and get on with your life?

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
"If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom."
Cameron,

I see where you are coming from. I'm not coming from there.


"Cameron Stevens" > wrote in message ...
Jordon,

Not calling your son because your ex makes it difficult is just stupid. The only thing that will happen is that your son has the opportunity to think it's his fault or build resentment for you and your ex will have the opportunity to pit him against you. Call your son at all costs, regularly. Make sure your son knows you'll never let him down.

Not taking the opportunity at Christmas is simply selfish and petty. While you may be helping your ex out, but what's more important is you have a chance to spend time with your son. This was a selfish and foolish move.

IMHO: If you do what you have been doing you'll lose a son. If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom.

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Jordan]

Ummm, Cameron.

You're off base. Where did I ask for pity or patronage? Why did you assume that it's possible that I could lose my son? Why did you assume that my son has lost his mother? It's very possible that my son could be mad at his father for what he knows is irresponsible behavior on his fathers part. Do you think that the phone is the only way to communicate? Let's see, I can list other ways:

Email
Relatives
Letters
Visits to School

Why do you think I'm as ex-wife? I mentioned a long court battle, but I never said divorce.

Why do you chose the words stupid and petty to describe my desire not to take my son during Xmas vacation? I work. What was I suppose to do? Stay home and lose my job because the custodial father made no plans for our son. I made plans for my school aged daughter during that time, why couldn't he do the same?

Your response was so filled with assumption and even disgust, coupled with provocative language that I didn't care to respond too deeply to your initial post. However; this time, I just wanted to point out how off base you are, because you are.

No doubt, given the nature of your previous post, there will be some argumentative, assumptive response designed to camouflage the obvious, which I will not respond to. If I wanted to argue, I'd still be in court.

But thank you. I'm a strategic learner and this experience has taught me that I need to write with more clarity. Secondly, I've learned that this newsgroup (after reading the post here), is not about child support or child related issues. It's about friendships built on common interest (hatred of the government and all who use it's services) and if you don't share that view, it's not the place for you.

Take care Cameron and please work on your reading comprehension.

Bye.

"Cameron Stevens" > wrote in message ...
Jordan,

Then where are you coming from? If you're not really concerned with being a Mom then let it lie, drop out of your son's life and stop asking for pity or patronage and get on with your life?

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
"If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom."
Cameron,

I see where you are coming from. I'm not coming from there.


"Cameron Stevens" > wrote in message ...
Jordon,

Not calling your son because your ex makes it difficult is just stupid. The only thing that will happen is that your son has the opportunity to think it's his fault or build resentment for you and your ex will have the opportunity to pit him against you. Call your son at all costs, regularly. Make sure your son knows you'll never let him down.

Not taking the opportunity at Christmas is simply selfish and petty. While you may be helping your ex out, but what's more important is you have a chance to spend time with your son. This was a selfish and foolish move.

IMHO: If you do what you have been doing you'll lose a son. If you find the time and conscience to be a mother rather than an ex-wife you'll have a son and he'll have a mom.

Cameron
"Jordan" > wrote in message ...
I have one child, he has the other. After a long court battle, I gave him primary physical custody. He initiated the petition because he was in arrears and did not want to pay the amount of child support he was paying.

Almost at the same time, we went back to child support court, I erased all his arrears, and declined support for the child I have in my custody. I make a lot less than he does and was made aware, by the hearing examiner, that I can get some support for the child still in my care. I declined it.

Now after the court case was over, I got grief from him on more than one occasion when I wanted to see my son, so I've decided to not push it.

I've called. For some strange reason, he never would let our son call me back and when I did get through, he would take that time to ask our son a million questions that could've waited until after I talked to him. Thus, we could never have a conversation. So, I've stopped calling.

Although we have joint custody, it means nothing. He makes all the decisions and advises me after the fact. Oh well, so be it.

Around Xmas time, father calls me to ask me to take our son over the holidays because he has no child care and school is out. I declined, because I'm not the babysitter. Besides, when I ran into child care problems, I never called him up to ask him to take the kids. He wanted to be the custodial parent, so he should handle it.

Now father is mad and confused because I've moved on with my life and have not had the typical response of a grieving, crying mother. He's been complaining that I don't take an active role in my son's life. I'm surprised because when we were in court, he claimed I was a child abuser and stated that my children "should not be around a woman such as this". He has even gotten to a point that he hits my daughter if she doesn't answer his intrusive questions about my personal life. (Does Mommy have a boyfriend? Does your mother go out at night?) Yet, it's not child abuse because he hits her with his hand and only on the buttocks.

So, tell me, what do you think this is?, and are there any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Tracy]

"Jordan" > wrote in message
...

> Why do you chose the words stupid and petty to describe my desire not to
take my son during Xmas vacation? I work. What > was I suppose to do? Stay
home and lose my job because the custodial father made no plans for our son.
I made plans for my > school aged daughter during that time, why couldn't he
do the same?

I have a question... why do you feel the child's father should make plans
for your son while your son is with you? I've never experienced anyone who
expected this. Typically the parent who has the child makes the
arrangements & plans. When my youngest son's father has our son for an
extended period of time, he makes the arrangements. I don't know if he
finds someone to watch our son, or if he takes time off from work. He has
never expected me to make arrangements for him. So I'm really curious...


Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***

[Tracy]

"Jordan" > wrote in message
...

> Why do you chose the words stupid and petty to describe my desire not to
take my son during Xmas vacation? I work. What > was I suppose to do? Stay
home and lose my job because the custodial father made no plans for our son.
I made plans for my > school aged daughter during that time, why couldn't he
do the same?

I have a question... why do you feel the child's father should make plans
for your son while your son is with you? I've never experienced anyone who
expected this. Typically the parent who has the child makes the
arrangements & plans. When my youngest son's father has our son for an
extended period of time, he makes the arrangements. I don't know if he
finds someone to watch our son, or if he takes time off from work. He has
never expected me to make arrangements for him. So I'm really curious...


Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***

[Jordan]

"Tracy" > wrote in message
news:9wlLb.864$8H.5653@attbi_s03...
> "Jordan" > wrote in message
> ...
>
> > Why do you chose the words stupid and petty to describe my desire not to
> take my son during Xmas vacation? I work. What > was I suppose to do?
Stay
> home and lose my job because the custodial father made no plans for our
son.
> I made plans for my > school aged daughter during that time, why couldn't
he
> do the same?
>
> I have a question... why do you feel the child's father should make plans
> for your son while your son is with you? I've never experienced anyone
who
> expected this. Typically the parent who has the child makes the
> arrangements & plans.

My point is that my son was not going to be with me. We had not made that
arrangement. Additionally, you can't call me the Friday that school is out
to "give me permission" to see my son. If "we" had planned "properly" for
my son to stay with me, the problen would not have existed.

When my youngest son's father has our son for an
> extended period of time, he makes the arrangements.

Exactly.

I don't know if he
> finds someone to watch our son, or if he takes time off from work. He has
> never expected me to make arrangements for him. So I'm really curious...
>
>
> Tracy

Yeah, me too.


> ~~~~~~~
> http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
> "You can't solve problems with the same
> type of thinking that created them."
> Albert Einstein
>
> *** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***
>

[Jordan]

"Tracy" > wrote in message
news:9wlLb.864$8H.5653@attbi_s03...
> "Jordan" > wrote in message
> ...
>
> > Why do you chose the words stupid and petty to describe my desire not to
> take my son during Xmas vacation? I work. What > was I suppose to do?
Stay
> home and lose my job because the custodial father made no plans for our
son.
> I made plans for my > school aged daughter during that time, why couldn't
he
> do the same?
>
> I have a question... why do you feel the child's father should make plans
> for your son while your son is with you? I've never experienced anyone
who
> expected this. Typically the parent who has the child makes the
> arrangements & plans.

My point is that my son was not going to be with me. We had not made that
arrangement. Additionally, you can't call me the Friday that school is out
to "give me permission" to see my son. If "we" had planned "properly" for
my son to stay with me, the problen would not have existed.

When my youngest son's father has our son for an
> extended period of time, he makes the arrangements.

Exactly.

I don't know if he
> finds someone to watch our son, or if he takes time off from work. He has
> never expected me to make arrangements for him. So I'm really curious...
>
>
> Tracy

Yeah, me too.


> ~~~~~~~
> http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
> "You can't solve problems with the same
> type of thinking that created them."
> Albert Einstein
>
> *** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***
>

[Tracy]

"Jordan" > wrote in message
.. .
>
> "Tracy" > wrote in message
> news:9wlLb.864$8H.5653@attbi_s03...
> > "Jordan" > wrote in message
> > ...
> >
> > > Why do you chose the words stupid and petty to describe my desire not
to
> > take my son during Xmas vacation? I work. What > was I suppose to do?
> Stay
> > home and lose my job because the custodial father made no plans for our
> son.
> > I made plans for my > school aged daughter during that time, why
couldn't
> he
> > do the same?
> >
> > I have a question... why do you feel the child's father should make
plans
> > for your son while your son is with you? I've never experienced anyone
> who
> > expected this. Typically the parent who has the child makes the
> > arrangements & plans.
>
> My point is that my son was not going to be with me. We had not made that
> arrangement. Additionally, you can't call me the Friday that school is out
> to "give me permission" to see my son. If "we" had planned "properly" for
> my son to stay with me, the problen would not have existed.


I don't know Jordan. I don't know enough about your situation to have any
real opinion. All I do know is it would be hard to say 'no'. My boyfriend
and I deal with his ex who refuses to take their kids on her weekends
(scheduled per divorce agreement). Yes it would be difficult if someone out
of the blue just called and told you suddenly you have permission to take
your son. But it would be equally difficult to say 'no'. Do you have a
legal custody & visitation agreement in place? If not, why and have you
started one? Perhaps the answer to your real issue is to make things legal,
then go from there. This way you can plan on having your son on during your
parenting time. If he refuses, then take him back to court.

I don't know how old your son is, but if he feels you are refusing to see
him, he may take that as a rejection.


Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***

[Tracy]

"Jordan" > wrote in message
.. .
>
> "Tracy" > wrote in message
> news:9wlLb.864$8H.5653@attbi_s03...
> > "Jordan" > wrote in message
> > ...
> >
> > > Why do you chose the words stupid and petty to describe my desire not
to
> > take my son during Xmas vacation? I work. What > was I suppose to do?
> Stay
> > home and lose my job because the custodial father made no plans for our
> son.
> > I made plans for my > school aged daughter during that time, why
couldn't
> he
> > do the same?
> >
> > I have a question... why do you feel the child's father should make
plans
> > for your son while your son is with you? I've never experienced anyone
> who
> > expected this. Typically the parent who has the child makes the
> > arrangements & plans.
>
> My point is that my son was not going to be with me. We had not made that
> arrangement. Additionally, you can't call me the Friday that school is out
> to "give me permission" to see my son. If "we" had planned "properly" for
> my son to stay with me, the problen would not have existed.


I don't know Jordan. I don't know enough about your situation to have any
real opinion. All I do know is it would be hard to say 'no'. My boyfriend
and I deal with his ex who refuses to take their kids on her weekends
(scheduled per divorce agreement). Yes it would be difficult if someone out
of the blue just called and told you suddenly you have permission to take
your son. But it would be equally difficult to say 'no'. Do you have a
legal custody & visitation agreement in place? If not, why and have you
started one? Perhaps the answer to your real issue is to make things legal,
then go from there. This way you can plan on having your son on during your
parenting time. If he refuses, then take him back to court.

I don't know how old your son is, but if he feels you are refusing to see
him, he may take that as a rejection.


Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***