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Janey
August 2nd 03, 08:13 AM
My friend is newly pregnant and has asked to be godmother to her unborn
child. Although she is a good friend I do not want the responsibility and I
don't know how to decline without ruining our friendship. My reason is manly
because I think being a godparent to a child is a lifelong responsibility
and although we are good friends now, we are only in our twenties and
realistically we could drift apart as the years go by. Also I am not
particularly close to the child she has already, and I wouldn't want to try
and have to force a relationship with another child, just because I was its
godmother. I love my friend, but she is my friend not her kids and I don't
particularly want to be involved in her kids lives.

Am I taking this all too seriously. Is being a godparent that big of a deal?

Jeff Utz
August 2nd 03, 01:12 PM
I think that telling calmly that you are quite honored, but what you told us
would be appropriate. When I was in medical school, one of my friends asked
me to be his child's godfather. I haven't seen or heard from him after we
graduated.

Jeff

"Janey" > wrote in message
...
> My friend is newly pregnant and has asked to be godmother to her unborn
> child. Although she is a good friend I do not want the responsibility and
I
> don't know how to decline without ruining our friendship. My reason is
manly
> because I think being a godparent to a child is a lifelong responsibility
> and although we are good friends now, we are only in our twenties and
> realistically we could drift apart as the years go by. Also I am not
> particularly close to the child she has already, and I wouldn't want to
try
> and have to force a relationship with another child, just because I was
its
> godmother. I love my friend, but she is my friend not her kids and I don't
> particularly want to be involved in her kids lives.
>
> Am I taking this all too seriously. Is being a godparent that big of a
deal?
>
>

Rosalie B.
August 2nd 03, 02:13 PM
x-no-archive:yes "Janey" > wrote:

>My friend is newly pregnant and has asked to be godmother to her unborn
>child. Although she is a good friend I do not want the responsibility and I
>don't know how to decline without ruining our friendship. My reason is manly
>because I think being a godparent to a child is a lifelong responsibility
>and although we are good friends now, we are only in our twenties and
>realistically we could drift apart as the years go by. Also I am not
>particularly close to the child she has already, and I wouldn't want to try
>and have to force a relationship with another child, just because I was its
>godmother. I love my friend, but she is my friend not her kids and I don't
>particularly want to be involved in her kids lives.
>
>Am I taking this all too seriously. Is being a godparent that big of a deal?
>
In some religions it's not that big a deal. In others it is.

I was baptized Missouri Synod Lutheran (my dad's family church) and
not only did all the godparents have to be MSL, but my mom, who was
not MSL, wasn't even allowed up at the alter with me. I know in the
Catholic church (and probably COE too) the godparents are tasked with
seeing to the religious upbringing of the child should something
happen to the parents so the church authority is anxious that the
godparent be of the religion of the church.

However in our church (Presbyterian) the god parents are not even
mentioned in the baptism ceremony. So who I chose for godparents was
not that big a deal to the church.

A godparent is not the same as a guardian.

I personally picked people for godparents that we were friends with at
the time that I wanted to stay in touch with. Sometimes this was
successful and sometimes not. I deliberately did not pick family
because I thought we'd stay in touch with them anyway. I picked
family members as guardians in our wills because a guardian has a
greater responsibility for a child than a god parent would.

My dd#1 deliberately picked her oldest son as the godparent of her
younger son (they were 14 years apart) because she wanted him to take
some responsibility for his brother. And dd#1 married to a Catholic
and DIL who is Catholic picked each other as godparents for some of
their children.

grandma Rosalie

Marijke
August 2nd 03, 03:07 PM
It really depends on what the godparent role means for your friend, in my
opinion.

If your friend sees it only as ceremonial, then it's not really a big deal.
However, if your friend sees this is as a life time commitment, then that's
completely different.

Godparents aren't guardians, the original intention was that they would
oversee the child's religious instruction, if ncessary, but with so many
non-religious families choosing godparents, that's sort of gone out the
window, IMO.

That being said, if you don't want to do it, decline. It would be sad for
the child if you agreed to do it and there was no relationship. My godfather
wanted nothing really to do with me and that's always kind of hurt.
While many children don't really have relationships with their godparents
for various reasons (drifting away, divorces, whatever), it would be a shame
to start the relationship with the idea that it's probably not permanent.

I think that you do have a good point about being young and not knowing if
you'll be in their lives later on. However, that is always the case and if
we were to follow that way of thinking always, only family members should be
godparents. That's why I specifically chose my best friend to be godparent
of our oldest child. I explained to my husband that our family is our family
and will always have a role with the children and I wanted to honour my
friend with a similar role and she is now part of the family, in a way.
Being a godparent can encouarage that you don't lose contact with valuable
friends - if that's what you want.

It's your decision and, while she may be hurt if you say no, it is entirely
your right to do so.

Marijke,
mom to three, aged 16, 14 and almost 12


"Janey" > wrote in message
...
> My friend is newly pregnant and has asked to be godmother to her unborn
> child. Although she is a good friend I do not want the responsibility and
I
> don't know how to decline without ruining our friendship. My reason is
manly
> because I think being a godparent to a child is a lifelong responsibility
> and although we are good friends now, we are only in our twenties and
> realistically we could drift apart as the years go by. Also I am not
> particularly close to the child she has already, and I wouldn't want to
try
> and have to force a relationship with another child, just because I was
its
> godmother. I love my friend, but she is my friend not her kids and I don't
> particularly want to be involved in her kids lives.
>
> Am I taking this all too seriously. Is being a godparent that big of a
deal?
>
>

Stephanie and Tim
August 3rd 03, 07:09 PM
"Janey" > wrote in message
...
> My friend is newly pregnant and has asked to be godmother to her unborn
> child. Although she is a good friend I do not want the responsibility and
I
> don't know how to decline without ruining our friendship. My reason is
manly
> because I think being a godparent to a child is a lifelong responsibility
> and although we are good friends now, we are only in our twenties and
> realistically we could drift apart as the years go by. Also I am not
> particularly close to the child she has already, and I wouldn't want to
try
> and have to force a relationship with another child, just because I was
its
> godmother. I love my friend, but she is my friend not her kids and I don't
> particularly want to be involved in her kids lives.
>
> Am I taking this all too seriously. Is being a godparent that big of a
deal?
>
>

I think it is really great that you take it seriously and not as some little
ceremony to be followed by lunch and finis. Tell her what you told us in as
kind and gently a manner as you can.

Stephanie

Ericka Kammerer
August 10th 03, 01:17 AM
E wrote:


> what's the difference between baptism and christening?


In practice? Not much! The terms are used
interchangably by many, if not most, people. I've heard
a couple of different theories, but the one that seems
to have the most support is that baptism is the specific
sacrament and christening is a term for the whole event
when it includes the naming of a child (i.e., the giving
of a Christian name). This makes sense to me, particularly
since we use the term "christened" as synonymous with
"naming" in non-religious situations (e.g., christening
a ship, christening some phenomenon with a name, etc.).

Best wishes,
Ericka

Rosalie B.
August 10th 03, 03:43 AM
x-no-archive:yes
Ericka Kammerer > wrote:

>E wrote:
>
>> what's the difference between baptism and christening?

IME baptism is more likely to be used by protestants - after all the
idea came from John the Baptist?? And in some cases is done by total
immersion as adults or older children.

And christening is more often used by Catholics.

Technically a christening is the ceremony in which one is baptized and
gets their Christian name. The COE website at
http://www.baptism.org.uk/christening.htm says

>What Christening services are there? There are basically three sorts of Christening services:
>
>· Services of Blessing, which are based what Jesus did when children were brought to him: “he took the children in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them” (Mark 10:13-16). These are about receiving God’s unconditional love. The service of Thanksgiving for the Gift of a Child in the Church of England’s Common Worship book (p337) is an example of this.
>
>· Services of Dedication, which are about the parents making promises about the upbringing of their children. These services are common in Baptist churches.
>
>· Services of Infant Baptism, which declare the child to be a follower of Jesus Christ (but, of course, the service can’t make someone a follower of Jesus because that is their own personal decision.)
>
------
>
> In practice? Not much! The terms are used
>interchangably by many, if not most, people. I've heard
>a couple of different theories, but the one that seems
>to have the most support is that baptism is the specific
>sacrament and christening is a term for the whole event
>when it includes the naming of a child (i.e., the giving
>of a Christian name). This makes sense to me, particularly
>since we use the term "christened" as synonymous with
>"naming" in non-religious situations (e.g., christening
>a ship, christening some phenomenon with a name, etc.).
>

Although this will be different for Catholics and some protestants,
this website says further:

>What are godparents? When an infant is baptised he/she can’t answer the questions for him/herself, so someone needs to answer on his/her behalf. Godparents (also called sponsors or proxies) were originally introduced into the baptism service for this reason. In the history of the church godparents also promised to bring the child up in the Christian faith, and took responsibility for this.
>
>At infant baptism, parents may be godparents to their own children, and the parents of the child are required to make these statements together with the godparents. The role of godparent has become that of a “supporting friend” who assists the parents and takes a special interest in the child, but does not stand in for the parents or make up for any lacks in their care.
>
>In the case of a baptism, godparents must be committed Christian believers within the family of the church, and they must be sufficiently well-connected to the family of the child to be able to exercise the responsibilities they undertake in the service. They must be baptised and confirmed (unless they are members of a church which doesn’t have confirmation).
>
>In the case of a Thanksgiving and Blessing service, the godparents promise support of the parents in bringing up the child as well as support of the child.
>
>Are godparents also commissioned as guardians? No. The church has no power to appoint guardians. Parental responsibility is defined in the Children’s Act 1988, and parents wishing to appoint guardians in the event of their deaths should specify this in their wills.
>

grandma Rosalie

R. Steve Walz
August 10th 03, 04:02 AM
Rosalie B. wrote:
>
> IME baptism is more likely to be used by protestants - after all the
> idea came from John the Baptist??
------------------------
John the Baptist was NOT a "Baptist" as you understand it, and
I use the word "understand" guardedly with you after such an
ignorant assertion as that John the Baptist was a protestant!!!!


> And christening is more often used by Catholics.
------------------------
And has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with Xtianity, but
with antique namings in all cultures.
Steve

Chookie
August 10th 03, 05:34 AM
In article >,
Rosalie B. > wrote:

>> IME baptism is more likely to be used by protestants - after all the
> idea came from John the Baptist?? And in some cases is done by total
> immersion as adults or older children.

John the Baptist was baptising as a Jewish symbol of repentance/rededication
to God. It's a much older tradition than Christianity, I understand.

I have also noticed that Protestants do tend to say "baptism" and Catholics to
say "christening".

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"...children should continue to be breastfed... for up to two years of age
or beyond." -- Innocenti Declaration, Florence, 1 August 1990

dragonlady
August 10th 03, 07:30 AM
In article >,
(H Schinske) wrote:

> wrote:
>
> >I have also noticed that Protestants do tend to say "baptism" and Catholics
> >to
> >say "christening".
>
> Isn't baptism the official name of the sacrament, though, and christening more
> of a lay term? And I can't recall any denomination that says "christening" for
> the baptism of an adult.
>
> --Helen

Christening isn't a lay term, so much as it is a "naming" ceremony.

Catholics practice infant baptism; that is the name of the sacrement.
However, the baby is often also named at that time, so some people will
refer to it as a "christening", even though it includes a baptism.

Some Protestants practice infant baptism. The ones with which I am
familiar do not also call it a christening.

Some Protestants practice only adult baptisms -- but may still have a
christening ceremony in which the baby is named ("I christen thee . . .")

Some others will only have some sort of "dedication" ceremony where the
baby is brought to church and dedicated.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

Ericka Kammerer
August 10th 03, 04:18 PM
dragonlady wrote:


> Christening isn't a lay term, so much as it is a "naming" ceremony.
>
> Catholics practice infant baptism; that is the name of the sacrement.
> However, the baby is often also named at that time, so some people will
> refer to it as a "christening", even though it includes a baptism.


Correct as far as I've been able to determine, and
for Protestants as well as Catholics.


> Some Protestants practice infant baptism. The ones with which I am
> familiar do not also call it a christening.


I do know Protestants who use the term "christening."
I think for many, the terms have become so conflated that
they are used interchangeably when talking about infant
baptisms, regardless of the fact that they technically aren't
the same. I agree, though, that I've never heard the
term "christening" applied to anything but an infant
baptism--which would make sense.
I think people (including Protestants) also tend
to use the term "christening" when talking about related
items/events. For instance, although one hears them
occasionally, "baptismal gown" and "baptismal party" are
far less common than "christening gown" and "christening
party/brunch." But, of course, it's always a "baptismal font"
not a "christening font" ;-)
Speaking of which, it's time for me to get out
the christening/baptismal gown and get it cleaned and
add another name to it...

Best wishes,
Ericka

dragonlady
August 10th 03, 11:57 PM
In article >,
Ericka Kammerer > wrote:

> dragonlady wrote:
>
>
> > Christening isn't a lay term, so much as it is a "naming" ceremony.
> >
> > Catholics practice infant baptism; that is the name of the sacrement.
> > However, the baby is often also named at that time, so some people will
> > refer to it as a "christening", even though it includes a baptism.
>
>
> Correct as far as I've been able to determine, and
> for Protestants as well as Catholics.
>
>
> > Some Protestants practice infant baptism. The ones with which I am
> > familiar do not also call it a christening.
>
>
> I do know Protestants who use the term "christening."
> I think for many, the terms have become so conflated that
> they are used interchangeably when talking about infant
> baptisms, regardless of the fact that they technically aren't
> the same. I agree, though, that I've never heard the
> term "christening" applied to anything but an infant
> baptism--which would make sense.

Actually, I meant exactly the opposite: that some who do NOT do infant
baptism will still have christening ceremonies -- it is a ceremony
welcoming the child into the faith community, and officially naming the
baby. However, the baby is not baptised, as, in many protestant
churches, baptism is something that can only be done after the "age of
reason" and at the request of the celebrant.


> I think people (including Protestants) also tend
> to use the term "christening" when talking about related
> items/events. For instance, although one hears them
> occasionally, "baptismal gown" and "baptismal party" are
> far less common than "christening gown" and "christening
> party/brunch." But, of course, it's always a "baptismal font"
> not a "christening font" ;-)
> Speaking of which, it's time for me to get out
> the christening/baptismal gown and get it cleaned and
> add another name to it...
>
> Best wishes,
> Ericka
>
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

H Schinske
August 11th 03, 04:50 AM
wrote:

>Catholics practice infant baptism; that is the name of the sacrement.
>However, the baby is often also named at that time, so some people will
>refer to it as a "christening", even though it includes a baptism.

Hm, I don't agree with that ... the "naming" meaning of christening (as with
ships) seems to me to have followed logically from the baptism meaning, rather
than the other way around. Surely christening must logically mean the child
becoming a member of the body of Christ?

--Helen

dragonlady
August 11th 03, 06:06 AM
In article >,
(H Schinske) wrote:

> wrote:
>
> >Catholics practice infant baptism; that is the name of the sacrement.
> >However, the baby is often also named at that time, so some people will
> >refer to it as a "christening", even though it includes a baptism.
>
> Hm, I don't agree with that ... the "naming" meaning of christening (as with
> ships) seems to me to have followed logically from the baptism meaning, rather
> than the other way around. Surely christening must logically mean the child
> becoming a member of the body of Christ?
>
> --Helen

No -- at least not in current usage. I know folks who are NOT Christian
who have had christenings: ie, naming ceremonies for their babies.

I don't know how it started -- I am only commenting on current usage,
and I know those who christen their babies without baptising them,
including both those who might hope their child joins the Body of Christ
(that is, get baptised) when they reach the age of reason, and those who
do not.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

Ericka Kammerer
August 11th 03, 05:03 PM
H Schinske wrote:

> wrote:
>
>
>>Catholics practice infant baptism; that is the name of the sacrement.
>>However, the baby is often also named at that time, so some people will
>>refer to it as a "christening", even though it includes a baptism.
>
> Hm, I don't agree with that ... the "naming" meaning of christening (as with
> ships) seems to me to have followed logically from the baptism meaning, rather
> than the other way around. Surely christening must logically mean the child
> becoming a member of the body of Christ?


Either that, or maybe it comes from the idea of
giving someone/thing a Christian name. I'm not sure of the
etymology, personally, but that seems a possibility.

Best wishes,
Ericka