Toddler behavior question

[P. Tierney]

My daughter sometimes plays with one or both of the two boys on my
street. They are all 19 months old, give or take a few weeks. Anyway,
both of the boys, at times, display a common toddler behavior that my
child is having trouble reacting to. One might sometimes grab a toy
out of her hand, move towards it in a pushy way, or at times, pretty
much want to play with whatever toy she is playing with, causing a bit
of a scene. It happens a lot with kids at this age, I've heard.

My question isn't in regards to the boys. Each of their parents deal
with them as they can, and I don't wish to parent anyone else's child
anyway.
I'm wondering how, from a developmental standpoint, I should hope
that my daughter should react. At first, I prodded her to continue to play
with the toy that the boy tried to take, in part because the other parent
wanted her to, showing her child that he couldn't do such things. Recently,
though, the boy has thrown a fit or two such that she's not wanted to play
with the toy anymore, taken aback by his reaction and slowly, wide-eyed,
backed away from the scene.

Is this a good thing to encourage her to do, developmentally speaking?
If not, then what?

While I'm nowhere near ready to link this to some of the male/female
interactions that I saw as a high school teacher, I do know that as she
gets out more as a toddler and experiences such reactions that are
unusual to her, she may need to be better equipped to deal with such
things. Or, maybe not. Thoughts? Thx.



P.
Tierney

[HollyLewis]

> Lately DD has been handing toys to other kids, so
>I think she's getting it.
>

Or maybe not...I've discovered that my kid is becoming quite a little director.
He gives the other kids toys, sure, but he gives them the ones he wants them
to play with, and gets upset when they want to play with something else -- even
if the something else is not something he wants. It's just not what he wants
them to have. He gets upset when other people don't go along with his script!

We do what we can to get across the idea that it's okay for other people to do
things other than what he wants them to do, of course, but it's more complex
than just the idea of sharing toys!

Anyway, P., in your shoes I would not feel the slightest hesitation about
stepping in with the boy who took the toy. I'd probably grab his wrist, so as
to prevent his running off with the coveted toy, and hold him there while you
basically direct the interaction between the two kids. Then say to your
daughter something along the lines of, "Were you ready to give X a turn, or are
you still playing with this toy?" If she wants the toy back, model for her
what to say to defend herself: "It's still my turn. Give it back, please.
Here, you can have this other one." Then you can turn your attention to X and,
if he's not in full-blown tantrum mode already, give some similarly simple
directions and modeling about not grabbing and asking nicely for his turn.

Holly
Mom to Camden, 2.5 yrs

[P. Tierney]

"Nikki" > wrote:
> >
> > My question isn't in regards to the boys. Each of their parents
> > deal with them as they can, and I don't wish to parent anyone else's
> > child anyway.
> > I'm wondering how, from a developmental standpoint, I should hope
> > that my daughter should react.
>
> I don't know what the 'right' response is. I generally just stuck by
Hunter
> and let him decide what he wanted to do. He mostly got out of the way as
he
> was so gentle and shy. He'd hand the toy over or just play with something
> else.

That's how Olivia is, mostly I think because she's just taken aback
by the whole scene, as if the commotion made her forget what she was
doing to begin with. I can't quite force her to play with something that
she no longer wants to play with, but I have thought of a strategy or
two based upon some of the responses that I received, so we'll see.


P.
Tierney