Breast feeding Advice, Sort of a rant... Dont be mean;)

[Tori M.]

I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural and
healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?
I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.

What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets home
from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a bit
longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.
If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
shift husbands either.

I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice is
valid or well thought out.

I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Xavier due 10/17/04

[Vicky Bilaniuk]

Tori, do what is best for both you and your family, and don't care about
what other people think. I am also not passionate one way or the other
(I am only passionate about the fact that there are people out there who
like to run guilt trips on other women who are just doing the best that
they can), so you are not alone on that score.

I honestly think that the majority of people will not judge you one way
or the other. It is just the small number of really vocal types (and
they exist on both sides of the fence, so you'll hear from them no
matter what you do) who will make you feel as though the whole world is
judging you (and just so people know, I'm not referring to anyone in
this ng, although I know that there are some passionate feelings here
regarding BF).

Good luck with whatever you and your DH choose to do.

[Hillary Israeli]

In >,
Tori M. > wrote:

*I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural and
*healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
*successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
*but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?

I am not sure what you're asking. "What if you don't want to, but feel you
must at least try?" Well, then, I suppose you at least try, right? If you
don't want to, but do NOT feel you must at least try, then you do not try.
This seems straightforward so perhaps I am missing out on the actual
question??

*I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
*lift Bonnie.

I hear you! I am not good with sleep loss either.

*I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
*much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights

What will require you to go to bed earlier? Breastfeeding? It didn't
require me to go to sleep earlier. When I had my second kid, I went to bed
at the same time I had gone to bed before she was born. I'm confused here
by what you mean.

The cool thing about BFing and sleep is that often you can sleep through
all or most of the overnight feedings since you don't have to deal with
bottles. I kept my baby in a bassinet near my bed, and when she cried and
woke me, I picked her up and latched her on - and then I would wake up
hours and hours later, unlatch her, put her back in the bassinet... or you
could just plan to co-sleep :)

*run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
*breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice is
*valid or well thought out.

well, from a health perspective (for you and for baby), BFing makes more
sense (unless there are issues you haven't mentioned)... that's probably
why you get that feeling.

Good luck with your decision.
--
Hillary Israeli, VMD
Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is
too dark to read." --Groucho Marx

[Tori M.]

"Hillary Israeli" > wrote in message
...
> In >,
> Tori M. > wrote:
>
> *I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural
and
> *healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> *successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> *but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?
>
> I am not sure what you're asking. "What if you don't want to, but feel you
> must at least try?" Well, then, I suppose you at least try, right? If you
> don't want to, but do NOT feel you must at least try, then you do not try.
> This seems straightforward so perhaps I am missing out on the actual
> question??
>
> *I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
> *lift Bonnie.
>
> I hear you! I am not good with sleep loss either.
>
> *I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
> *much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some
nights
>
> What will require you to go to bed earlier? Breastfeeding? It didn't
> require me to go to sleep earlier. When I had my second kid, I went to bed
> at the same time I had gone to bed before she was born. I'm confused here
> by what you mean.
>
> The cool thing about BFing and sleep is that often you can sleep through
> all or most of the overnight feedings since you don't have to deal with
> bottles. I kept my baby in a bassinet near my bed, and when she cried and
> woke me, I picked her up and latched her on - and then I would wake up
> hours and hours later, unlatch her, put her back in the bassinet... or you
> could just plan to co-sleep :)
>
> *run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
> *breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice
is
> *valid or well thought out.
>
> well, from a health perspective (for you and for baby), BFing makes more
> sense (unless there are issues you haven't mentioned)... that's probably
> why you get that feeling.
>
> Good luck with your decision.

I guess my problem is I can not coharently explain what I am talking about;)
I go to bed LATE.. like most days I turn off the computer past midnight.. i
shut off all the lights and hop in bed just seconds after the blue light on
the CPU turns out. I need lots of wind down time after hubby leaves for
work.. while I could see how I am not explaining myself fully I am not sure
how to explain what I am feeling/thinking beyond that. I kept Bonnie in a
bassinett or co-slept for at least the first month.. she did not like to co
sleep past a month so she was bassinett bound until she was 6 months
almost.. She slept in a seperate room at 6 months... I litteraly had days
that I could not open my eyes to do anything.. I think I am a little afraid
of that happening again since I am going to be alone for 9 hours
everynight.. Who knows maybe #2 will pop out enjoying the breast and sleep
through the night at a week old like a good boy and magicly sleep on my
schedual;) Wouldnt that be something... Ok.. Maybe this will clear it up a
bit ;)

Bottle feeding in my mind = Weekends off of midnight feedings since Jeff is
already awake then. I already know how to do it. Most people that can read
the can can figure out how to mix formula properly;) (My mil did it wrong
once and then I showed her the instructions on the lable) It is a known.. I
HATE the unknown.

Breastfeeding= Worry about baby eating enough, never knowing what the baby
is taking in. Worry at this point if the baby will even latch on, dont
forget I was pretty much forced to bottle feed Bonnie after little support
TO breastfeed but TONS of pressure on the breastfeeding side. Honnestly if
it was not for the fact that my husband wants me to b/f I probably would not
even try... I never planned to bf and I am afraid it will not work out
again and then I will be left wondering if I did not try hard enough or if
the baby was really not getting latched on.. *sigh* Yes I know I am putting
all the guilt on myself but I am trying to work past it...

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Xavier due 10/17/04

[Lindsay]

Tori M. wrote:
> I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is
natural and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women
CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be
expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?

Give it a go then otherwise you might have regrets you didn't at least
try! And I don't think you're "supposed to want" to breastfeed. I
didn't want to but I had made a decision based on research that I had
to! I probably would enjoy it more or whatever if I really wanted to
but there you go, it's not the thoughts I'm having that G is drinking
;o)

> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could
not
> lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and
sleep As
> much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some
nights
> it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.

I'm not sure why it will require you to go to bed earlier!

> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH
gets home
> from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me
sleep a bit
> longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
> mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby
care.
> If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring
the
> day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not
only
> that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I
know
> most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have
3rd
> shift husbands either.

I've only been breastfeeding for 5 1/2 months and am not exactly an
expert but if I've read stuff right over on m.k.b you need six weeks to
establish your supply (I think!), then after that you can introduce a
bottle at times when your hubs can help and breastfeed at other times.
It doesn't have to be all one way or all another.

> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding.

Me neither, but I didn't need to be passionate about doing it it was a
choice I made and decided to stick with. But I think it is much easier
with just one child!

>Maybe in the long
> run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
> breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my
choice is
> valid or well thought out.

Who gives a damn what the mums around you think! It's not their child,
family and circumstance. Breastfeed or formula feed for you not because
of what others might think. I remember I got into a conversation with a
woman on the bus once and she asked me how I fed my baby (her
business?!?! no!!) I said breastfed and she had tandem nursed and was
all "Excellent. Well done." and gave me the thumbs up and I just
thought 'I don't need or want your approval or congratulations for what
I'm doing.' And on the opposite side I *really* wouldn't have wanted
whatever she might have said had I not said breastfeeding! I just wish
I could have been rude and said "What's it got to do with you how I
feed my baby?"


> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just
rather
> stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)

It's hard! I just kept repeating to myself... six weeks, give it six
weeks. Probably harder still when you've had experience of making
bottles so that will seem easier. Bottles to me are a big pain in the
butt as I can't express so I'm mixing G's baby rice with formula now! I
just can't imagine formula feeding at other times... boiling...
cooling... warming... worrying about how many ounces... easier just to
lob out a boob ;o)

You sound like you would feel bad if you didn't give it a go, so give
it a go!

Personally, breastfeeding has at times been a big chore for me and I'll
be glad when I can give it up so you don't necessarily have to be
passionate about it to do it! But research has shown it's best and I'm
a bit obsessive about research stuff ;o) Also, breastfed babies are
supposed to have less problems later with obesity and believe me... in
my family my kid needs all the help he can get in that area ;o)

btw... love the name Xavier... when we get started on the next baby if
it's a boy he will be a Xavier.
Lindsay
Little G - 24th March 2004 (12lb 4oz)

[Tori M.]

> btw... love the name Xavier... when we get started on the next baby if
> it's a boy he will be a Xavier.
> Lindsay
> Little G - 24th March 2004 (12lb 4oz)

Thanks! It was actualy the first name my husband sugested that I actualy
liked! I did not like it at first but it grew on me;) I have my doubts
sometimes... I think I over think things... am I the only one that has about
2 inches of confidence that I am making the right decision about
EVERYTHING..

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Xavier due 10/17/04

[Lindsay]

Tori M. wrote:
> > btw... love the name Xavier... when we get started on the next baby
if
> > it's a boy he will be a Xavier.
> > Lindsay
> > Little G - 24th March 2004 (12lb 4oz)
>
> Thanks! It was actualy the first name my husband sugested that I
actualy
> liked! I did not like it at first but it grew on me;) I have my
doubts
> sometimes... I think I over think things... am I the only one that
has about
> 2 inches of confidence that I am making the right decision about
> EVERYTHING..
>

Er... no :o) I overthink everything! I am sure I bore my hubs to death
after I've gone over something then pause and start it all over again
;o) Take the issue of this topic, breastfeeding. I always planned to do
it for six months, but then I find out babies need formula/breastmilk
for a whole year. So now *every* day I have to have a discussion with
hubs about how long to breastfeed for, should I stick with the six
months... well it's easier now he's on some solids and the number of
feeds are... oh but it's best for a year, I will feel guilty... oh but
how I want my boobs to be mine again... well he's had the best start
with six months... but what if the best start is 12 months... but lots
of babies are formula fed and seem to be just fine, my own siblings for
a start... stopping at six months, or maybe seven or eight would be
healthier for my mental state, isn't that more important... but gosh
what if I'm damaging my baby... and on and on and on!

Gosh, the day I gave him a pacifier (I never wanted to be a human
pacifier) I thought I might as well stop breastfeeding there and then
as it was supposed to cause nipple confusion and poor latch. I was a
bad mother!! I cried!! It had no effect on the feeding whatsoever!!
Lindsay

[Marie]

On Sat, 11 Sep 2004 22:32:15 -0500, "Tori M."
> wrote:
>I guess my problem is I can not coharently explain what I am talking about;)
>I go to bed LATE.. like most days I turn off the computer past midnight.. i
>shut off all the lights and hop in bed just seconds after the blue light on
>the CPU turns out. I need lots of wind down time after hubby leaves for
>work.. while I could see how I am not explaining myself fully I am not sure
>how to explain what I am feeling/thinking beyond that. I kept Bonnie in a
>bassinett or co-slept for at least the first month.. she did not like to co
>sleep past a month so she was bassinett bound until she was 6 months
>almost.. She slept in a seperate room at 6 months... I litteraly had days
>that I could not open my eyes to do anything.. I think I am a little afraid
>of that happening again since I am going to be alone for 9 hours
>everynight..

Many women do that alone all night, whether nursing or bottlefeeding.
The majority of dads I know sleep through all the night-wakings (mine
included after the first week or so of each baby)
Babies can be nursed to sleep at night/nap, just as they fall asleep
while sucking a pacifier and rocking. Fall asleep, pop off the breast
and you lay them down. They can still sleep in a separate room.

>Who knows maybe #2 will pop out enjoying the breast and sleep
>through the night at a week old like a good boy and magicly sleep on my
>schedual;) Wouldnt that be something... Ok.. Maybe this will clear it up a
>bit ;)

Can you not sleep when the baby does? (I know some people can't...I
get headaches when I take a nap during the day)

>Bottle feeding in my mind = Weekends off of midnight feedings since Jeff is
>already awake then. I already know how to do it. Most people that can read
>the can can figure out how to mix formula properly;) (My mil did it wrong
>once and then I showed her the instructions on the lable) It is a known.. I
>HATE the unknown.
>
>Breastfeeding= Worry about baby eating enough, never knowing what the baby
>is taking in. Worry at this point if the baby will even latch on, dont
>forget I was pretty much forced to bottle feed Bonnie after little support
>TO breastfeed but TONS of pressure on the breastfeeding side. Honnestly if
>it was not for the fact that my husband wants me to b/f I probably would not
>even try... I never planned to bf and I am afraid it will not work out
>again and then I will be left wondering if I did not try hard enough or if
>the baby was really not getting latched on.. *sigh* Yes I know I am putting
>all the guilt on myself but I am trying to work past it...

Well I am very much against bottlefeeding by choice so I won't be much
of a help. I feel that I screwed up very much by quitting
breastfeeding with my oldest when I got mastitis at 3 weeks. I was
ignorant and selfish and I should have done what I needed to do to
make it work. I went on to nurse the two I had after her, and did not
have physical problems with those two. (It seems that more problems
occur with first babies!) I never worried if they were getting
enough...weight gain and diaper counts show you that.
I hope if you do breastfeed this one, that you enjoy it (or at least
don't hate it!) It's not always the angelic picture and it doens't
make you a saint but ime it has been worth it and I totally regret
having stopped with my oldest...I wondered if that was the reason of
every ear infection and cold when she was a baby. As most people say,
she is fine now, healthy and smart, but she may not have been, and we
don't know the future either...the cancers that the studies are
turning up saying breastmilk helps protect against. The benefits
breastmilk can give to a baby are just too important and I wish I had
known about them when my oldest was born, I would never have given up.
Marie

[Tori M.]

"Lindsay" > wrote in message
...
>
> Tori M. wrote:
> > > btw... love the name Xavier... when we get started on the next baby
> if
> > > it's a boy he will be a Xavier.
> > > Lindsay
> > > Little G - 24th March 2004 (12lb 4oz)
> >
> > Thanks! It was actualy the first name my husband sugested that I
> actualy
> > liked! I did not like it at first but it grew on me;) I have my
> doubts
> > sometimes... I think I over think things... am I the only one that
> has about
> > 2 inches of confidence that I am making the right decision about
> > EVERYTHING..
> >
>
> Er... no :o) I overthink everything! I am sure I bore my hubs to death
> after I've gone over something then pause and start it all over again
> ;o) Take the issue of this topic, breastfeeding. I always planned to do
> it for six months, but then I find out babies need formula/breastmilk
> for a whole year. So now *every* day I have to have a discussion with
> hubs about how long to breastfeed for, should I stick with the six
> months... well it's easier now he's on some solids and the number of
> feeds are... oh but it's best for a year, I will feel guilty... oh but
> how I want my boobs to be mine again... well he's had the best start
> with six months... but what if the best start is 12 months... but lots
> of babies are formula fed and seem to be just fine, my own siblings for
> a start... stopping at six months, or maybe seven or eight would be
> healthier for my mental state, isn't that more important... but gosh
> what if I'm damaging my baby... and on and on and on!
>
> Gosh, the day I gave him a pacifier (I never wanted to be a human
> pacifier) I thought I might as well stop breastfeeding there and then
> as it was supposed to cause nipple confusion and poor latch. I was a
> bad mother!! I cried!! It had no effect on the feeding whatsoever!!
> Lindsay

Ok lol I feel better now... You actualy mapped out my life in those
paragraphs.. Jeff is getting tired of me discussing all this stuff that we
discuss a zillion times and that in my mind I am not done discussing... just
taking a break to rethink all I just said;)

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Xavier due 10/17/04

[Plissken]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
> I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural
and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?
> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
> lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
> much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
> it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.
>
> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets
home
> from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a
bit
> longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
> mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.
> If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
> day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
> that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
> most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
> shift husbands either.
>
> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
> and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
> is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
> run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
> breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice
is
> valid or well thought out.
>
> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
> stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)

If you do give it a try at least you can say you tried it and you didn't
like it. If you use formula from the beginning it's very difficult to go
back and try breastfeeding. Have you considered buying a good breast pump
and pump through the week so your DH can feed your baby EBM on the weekends?
Or you can always give the odd bottle of formula when you do need some
sleep. When it comes down to it though you have to weigh what is best for
you and what is best for your baby and decide what is more important to you.

Nadene

[H Schinske]

wrote:

> Take the issue of this topic, breastfeeding. I always planned to do
>it for six months, but then I find out babies need formula/breastmilk
>for a whole year. So now *every* day I have to have a discussion with
>hubs about how long to breastfeed for, should I stick with the six
>months... well it's easier now he's on some solids and the number of
>feeds are... oh but it's best for a year, I will feel guilty... oh but
>how I want my boobs to be mine again... well he's had the best start
>with six months... but what if the best start is 12 months...

If you don't have to go back to work or anything anyway, I don't see the point
of weaning right when it gets super easy to nurse. My thinking was, I'd done
all the hard part already, I was darned well going to go ahead and get all the
easy part, too, as well as all the other benefits (the money saved, the
calories burned, the lessened risk of breast cancer, etc., besides the health
benefits for the babies). There just wasn't any percentage in switching to
formula as far as I was concerned.

--Helen

[toypup]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding.

I wasn't passionate about BF'ing, either, until I did it with DS. Before
that, I just wanted to try to see how it went.

It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
> and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed..

It still doesn't for me. I'm only passionate about it for myself.

I really don't see BF'ing interfering with sleep, so I can't help you there.

[Jenrose]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
>I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural
>and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?

I've done both. I think for me what kept me going was that my mother nursed
me and my sister for more than 6 months each even though it hurt her. She
had *no* good help with getting things right, but what she communicated to
me when I asked her why she did it if she didn't like it was, "It's best for
the baby, and sometimes we do things we don't actively like to do because
the benefits are *so* big for our children."

With my daughter, breastfeeding was difficult in the first week. And Mom
didn't have any help for it, except to say, "You give that baby breastmilk.
She needs it." HOWEVER... with the right help, I learned how to fix the
latch properly and the pain went away and breastfeeding got much easier.

Now... as for the bf vs formula comparison from a mom's perspective.

Formula feeding was easier than that first week of breastfeeding. But it
never got better. I was spending 45 minutes plus making bottles. A bottle of
formula did NOT make the baby sleepy, so we had to find other ways of
getting him to sleep. Feeding him a bottle of formula did not make me
sleepy, so I had to find other ways of getting ME to sleep. We spend a
couple weeks fussing at which formula was going to work for him--one hurt
his tummy and another involved jumping though hoops to get WIC to provide
it, and when it came down to it, it was a minor but palpable inconvenience
*all* the time. Since my experience before that had been breastfeeding,
formula feeding (and bf wasn't an option for us at all in my foster son's
case) stood out as taking up more of my time, more of my energy, while
giving far less back in terms of overall benefits.

With my daughter, it was initially difficult, but by 2 weeks there was no
"prep" time, I could nurse my daughter in a wrap and grocery shop while she
nursed, I never had to wash bottles, measure formula, prepare *anything*. By
the time she was 2 months old, she could latch on in her sleep and I went
from being an insomniac to sleeping 8-10 hours per night. As long as she
nursed at night, I never had trouble getting to sleep. Better than
melatonin. When I was pregnant, I assumed I'd breastfeed 6 months. When my
daughter was 6 days old, I thought I'd be pumping and feeding her bottled
breastmilk, because it hurt so bad. By the time she was 8 days old the pain
was gone and it got abruptly *easy*. 6 months became 1 year became "until
she wants to stop."

I was in a parent group when my daughter was a year old. Over the next 6
months, many of the babies in the group were weaned. And it was amazing... a
baby would wean, and the next meeting we'd be hearing about how kiddo had
caught such a bad cold... or an ear infection... Months went by and kids
who'd been consistently healthy suddenly started catching every bug that
went around. Those of us who were still nursing our toddlers did NOT have
that problem. Yes, some of the still-nursing kids had problems like
allergies, etc...but we had a buffer that the weaned kids did not--the
maternal immunities that breastfeeding provides.

Now my foster son didn't get sick much. He was and is a happy, healthy kid.
But I'll tell you--my *biggest* personal barrier to foster parenting an
infant again is that I find formula a PITA. Even when it's totally
necessary.

I hear women told, "don't breastfeed if you think you'll resent it."

I say give it a shot. First of all, we do not have to like every bit of
parenting for it to be good for our kids. Second of all, I think that one of
the marks of good parenting is the ability to mask our resentment of some of
the intrusions kids make into our lives. Because there are tons of things
other than breastfeeding that kids will do that are far more worthy of
resentment--but we remember that we made a choice to have our children and
that while we don't always have to be sweetness and light to them, it is not
fair for us to "push" our resentments onto them.

My daughter earned her nickname "Miss Coitus Interruptus." But I've never
told her she has that nickname, and only once have I spoken to her on the
subject (because it was when we were TTC and she *wanted* a sibling, darn
it...)

And I keep coming back to my mother... a martyr she's not. She's not a saint
either. But she gritted her teeth and nursed us even though she was told
that "some pain is normal", when any competent helper could have said, "Hey,
if you get that lip untucked, it won't hurt." She was told that babies
needed breastmilk for at least six months. I think she made it to 7 months
with me and 8.5 months with my sister. She did the best she knew how to do,
even though it wasn't always easy, comfortable or enjoyable.

Personally I think the benefit of those months of nursing far, far outweigh
any harm any transient "resentment" might have done. I'm grateful my mom
gave it her best shot.

Sometimes we do thing, not because we want to do them, but because they are
the things we need to do. Do you *have* to breastfeed? No. Should you try
even if you're not excited about the idea? IMO, yes. Ultimately it's your
decision. Which will you regret more? Breastfeeding? Or not breastfeeding?
Which will leave you happier with yourself and who you are? Giving it your
best shot? Or not bothering to try because it isn't something you want to
do?

Will I judge you ill if you decide not to? Quite honestly, if you don't make
a big hairy deal about it, I won't say word one. Should my opinion matter to
you? Only if it speaks to your heart in a way that makes you feel like you
need to listen. Your decision to breastfeed is not about me, it's not about
other moms on the list, it's not about people you meet on the street, it's
about your baby primarily, and you, to a lesser degree. Ultimately, YOUR
judgment is the one that matters.
Jenrose

[Jenrose]

>
> I guess my problem is I can not coharently explain what I am talking
> about;)
> I go to bed LATE.. like most days I turn off the computer past midnight..
> i
> shut off all the lights and hop in bed just seconds after the blue light
> on
> the CPU turns out. I need lots of wind down time after hubby leaves for
> work..

I understand totally. I would nurse my daughter down around 10 pm, and stay
up until midnight or later just winding down. At this point in my life I
usually take about 4 HOURS of down time after everyone else goes to sleep. I
would nurse her down, put her in the crib, then when I went to bed I'd pick
her up and tuck her in with me. Since she needed about 12 hours and I needed
8, this worked perfectly. She'd nurse *me* to sleep--nice prolactin hit.


> while I could see how I am not explaining myself fully I am not sure
> how to explain what I am feeling/thinking beyond that. I kept Bonnie in a
> bassinett or co-slept for at least the first month.. she did not like to
> co
> sleep past a month so she was bassinett bound until she was 6 months
> almost.. She slept in a seperate room at 6 months... I litteraly had days
> that I could not open my eyes to do anything.. I think I am a little
> afraid
> of that happening again since I am going to be alone for 9 hours
> everynight..

Honestly, I didn't see much different with sleep between bottlefeeding and
breastfeeding--my foster son was a great nighttime sleeper, but I had to
wake up more to give him a bottle. I usually, but not always, got more sleep
with my daughter because she'd zonk me out by nursing.

> Who knows maybe #2 will pop out enjoying the breast and sleep
> through the night at a week old like a good boy and magicly sleep on my
> schedual;) Wouldnt that be something... Ok.. Maybe this will clear it up
> a
> bit ;)
>
> Bottle feeding in my mind = Weekends off of midnight feedings since Jeff
> is
> already awake then. I already know how to do it. Most people that can
> read
> the can can figure out how to mix formula properly;) (My mil did it wrong
> once and then I showed her the instructions on the lable) It is a known..
> I
> HATE the unknown.
>

Even if you formula feed, it's *still* a partial unknown. You don't know for
sure that this baby will tolerate the first formula you try. By the time
baby was 2 months old with dd, I just didn't have an issue with midnight
feeds. With breastfeeding, there's not such a need to have feeds "off"
because you're not having to sit there holding the bottle the whole time...
I had such a problem because I'd feed the bottle and fall asleep mid-bottle
and fs would spit it out and we'd get a fat wet spot on the bed. With
breastfeeding, the worst was if she nursed too long, it would get a little
irritating, and I'd just unlatch her and roll over.


> Breastfeeding= Worry about baby eating enough, never knowing what the baby
> is taking in.

If baby poops and pees enough, it's just not a worry most of the time.
They're resiliant--if you're getting enough wet diapers, you'll find out at
the 2 week visit that baby is gaining weight, and you're fine. If you're not
getting enough wet diapers, you'll ask for help earlier.

> Worry at this point if the baby will even latch on, dont
> forget I was pretty much forced to bottle feed Bonnie after little support
> TO breastfeed but TONS of pressure on the breastfeeding side. Honnestly
> if
> it was not for the fact that my husband wants me to b/f I probably would
> not
> even try... I never planned to bf and I am afraid it will not work out
> again and then I will be left wondering if I did not try hard enough or if
> the baby was really not getting latched on.. *sigh* Yes I know I am
> putting
> all the guilt on myself but I am trying to work past it...
>

Well, what are you going to do differently this time to get the support you
need to get off the to the right start? The right help is totally key in
many cases to the difference between breastfeeding working well and
traumatic failure. You know you're more comfortable with the idea of formula
feeding--why not go into saying, "I'm going to give it my best shot. I'm
going to see about getting early help. If it doesn't work, so be it." Guilt
is pointless, IMO. I *know* that if I had not gotten the right help, my
daughter would have been on bottles by 2 weeks old. And the right help was
NOT a hospital LC, but an experiened nursing mom who had helped many women
in the past. Rather than fretting about what might happen, why not look at
what you can do to improve your chances, set a timeline, and then
reevaluate when you get there. You could say, "I'm going to try for the
first two weeks. If baby is doing well at the 2 week mark, I'll try for 6
weeks. I'll reevalutate then.".

For me, I just think ff has too many "what ifs" to not at least try
breastfeeding. For us, my daughter ended up being allergic to soy and
dairy--formula would have been a nightmare. I just talked to a woman who is
struggling because her son can't keep his formula down and is losing weight.
She will never know if he would have handled breastmilk better.... Remember,
I've *done* formula, and the baby was *fine*... once we had the right one
and once we had the right nipple and once we got the system down. It's not
that formula can't work well, it's just a bigger risk in my mind than
breastfeeding is.

Jenrose

[Chotii]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
>I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural
>and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?

> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
> and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed..

> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
> stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)

I think there's a difference between *wanting* or even *enjoying*
breastfeeding, and being determined to do so. If you believe that
breastfeeding (or breastmilk) offers the child the benefits nature intends,
and that formula is an inferior substance to breastmilk, then how you *feel*
about breastfeeding becomes irrelevant. You need not enjoy it, or even wish
to do it. You need not be passionate, only determined. To this end, you
might pump once a morning to provide a bottle of milk for your husband to
feed once a night, thus allowing yourself a longer stretch of unbroken
sleep. You might pump more frequently. You might offer a bottle of formula
once a day for the same purpose. You will do what you *desire* to do.

If on the other hand, your ability to function requires the sleep you
believe formula will offer (assuming your baby tolerates and thrives on it,
as most do), then you have to weigh that more heavily.

Let me tell you my story. This is not to make you feel guilty, or bash you,
or in fact tell you what you ought to do. It is a story about determination,
that's all:

When my first baby was born, I got thrush. I struggled with absolute,
unremitting agony for three months, in the face of horrible advice from
doctors, until at last a local doula/lactation consultant/LLL leader gave me
an article from Midwifery Today about 'breast yeast' and I learned I had to
change my diet, treat from the outside in and inside out, all at the same
time. I conquered thrush, multiple repeated plugged ducts, mastitis and an
abcess... and went on to nurse that child until she was five. I think it's
fair to say that I did not enjoy the first three months of breastfeeding.
However, I desired to do so because I believed it was the right thing to do,
and I found a way to do it.

When my twins were born at 34 weeks, they were in NICU. I pumped 8 times a
day around the clock for the first 3 weeks because I could not breastfeed
them. I had problems with the pumping, including nipple trauma. The larger
one came home and I managed to transition her to the breast (and she nursed
to the age of 3 1/2), but the smaller one, born with a heart defect, didn't
come home until 3 months of age. She did not eat. She stayed on a feeding
tube until this April, when at almost the age of 5, she finally learned to
eat. I pumped at least 5 times a day, and usually 8, around the clock for
her for 21 months. I think it's fair to say I did not enjoy pumping.
However, I believed it was the right thing to do, and I did it.

When my youngest was born, I wound up with nipple trauma by day 1, mastitis
by day 4, a crack at the base of one nipple that took 35 days to heal, and
repeated plugged ducts for 6 weeks. I did not enjoy it. However, I believed
it was the right thing to do, and I persevered. It got better. That baby is
now 13 months old, and shows no interest in weaning any time soon.

Now, I am very passionate about feeding my babies breastmilk because I
believe with all my heart that babies are born to have breastmilk. How I
*felt* about the process of getting it into them, therefore,was irrelevent
to me. For me, feelings are less important than ideals. I know that pain is
transitory, that pumping is boring, but so are a lot of things. Thrush can
be treated, and so on. Sometimes it took every bit of grit and courage I had
to face the Gaping Maw again, knowing how much it would hurt....*but* I also
knew that it would get better, sooner or later. Eventually. And eventually,
it did. (Well, except the pumping, that remained boring for 21 months.)

Most women have way better experiences than I have had. Some women will
persevere through anything, because they believe in it. Others will make
other choices, because they prioritize differently. I can't tell you what
you should do. But I do know what's possible when you believe. And if you
need a cheerleader, I have a great pair of gold pom-poms I will be happy to
wave while I shout from the sidelines. If you decide to choose otherwise,
then you won't hear a word negative from me, because I don't have to live
your life (but I wont' be able to help much, because I don't know squat
about formula).

--angela

[[email protected]]

"Tori M." > wrote in message >...

> I guess my problem is I can not coharently explain what I am talking about;)
> I go to bed LATE.. like most days I turn off the computer past midnight.. i
> shut off all the lights and hop in bed just seconds after the blue light on
> the CPU turns out. I need lots of wind down time after hubby leaves for
> work..

For me, one of the cool things about breastfeeding was that it didn't
really require me to stop whatever I was doing on the computer,
because if the baby woke up and needed to nurse I could bring him to
the computer, sit down, latch him on, and go back to work!

> Breastfeeding= Worry about baby eating enough, never knowing what the baby
> is taking in.

For that you just count dirty diapers, and nurse whenever the baby
asks. Many babies nurse for comfort more than they nurse for food,
and happen to get milk incidentally. After the first week or so when
I stopped scheduled feeds I lost track of how many times a day the
baby nursed because I just latched him on whenever he asked, and
counted diapers (and most people don't do scheduled feeds at all, but
DS was a preemie in NICU and was on a schedule there.)

I think a lot of people make breastfeeding work with odd work
schedules. DH is pretty unpredictable because not only does his
schedule vary with semester assignments but with grading. He just
came to bed at 5 am after finishing grading and will be leaving the
house at 8 am Monday morning. My sister's DH is routinely out of town
for four or five days about two times a month, and when her second was
born she was alone for that time with a three year old and her new
nursling. It will just depend on how you decide to manage it.

Good luck!

--
C, mama to twenty-two month old nursling

[Sophie]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
> I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural
and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?

If you feel you must try, try. I never felt like I had to try. I *did* try,
unsuccessfully with #1, so I quit and didn't bother with the other babies.
No guilty feelings or regret here.

> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
> lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
> much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
> it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.

Well I've felt bone-tired bottlefeeding too. I think it has to do with lots
of things, not jsut cos of how you're feeding the baby.


> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets
home
> from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a
bit
> longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
> mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.

Definitely something I *LOVE* about bottlefeeding.

> If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
> day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
> that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
> most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
> shift husbands either.

Oh what a crappy shift. I remember when Dylan had night classes and C was
16 months old and P was a newborn. When he got home he'd take the first
feed P woke up for, and I could at least get some kind of decent stretch of
sleep.

> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
> and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
> is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
> run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
> breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice
is
> valid or well thought out.

Who cares what they think?? If you are confident in your choice, it won't
matter what they think. Nevermind the fact it's simply none of their
business ;)

> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
> stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)
>
> Tori
>
> --
> Bonnie 3/20/02
> Xavier due 10/17/04

Do whichever you want. I don't think you're a bad mother for not trying, or
not even *wanting* to try. <shrug>

[Ericka Kammerer]

Tori M. wrote:

> I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?
> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
> lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
> much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
> it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.
>
> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets home
> from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a bit
> longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
> mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.
> If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
> day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
> that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
> most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
> shift husbands either.
>
> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
> and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
> is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
> run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
> breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice is
> valid or well thought out.
>
> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
> stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)

Not to be rude, but you are waaaaaaaay overthinking
this. You don't have to hate bottles to breastfeed, you
don't have to be an earthy crunchy granola mommy to breastfeed,
you don't have to give up naps to breastfeed, etc. etc. etc.
There are some babies who are difficult no matter how you
feed them. I had plenty of opportunity to nap while breastfeeding.
I just napped when the baby did. Not all breastfed babies
nurse for 45 minutes out of every two hour period. Mine
did start out nursing every 2-3 hours, but they only nursed
for 10 minutes at a time. And after 4-6 weeks, you can
introduce the occasional bottle of EBM if you like. My
husband has always done plenty of baby care (there's way
more time spent diapering, playing, bathing, etc. than
feeding!) and has been able to buy me plenty of time to get
some extra sleep if I needed it. Perhaps it would be broken
a bit by nursing, and I understand broken sleep is not ideal,
but it's certainly doable.
I also agree that you are likely gravitating
toward what you know. We all do that, to some extent.
I suspect that your feelings are also somewhat shaped
by your experience. Having a challenging, colicky
baby is a very different experience from having a
calm baby.
What you *can't* do is parent a certain way
because someone else thinks you ought to. I have to
imagine, though, that part of you must agree with those
other moms, at least to some degree, because otherwise
I suspect you wouldn't give a rip if they thought you
should do differently. I mean, if they all thought that
the only proper way to dress a baby girl was in lacy
pink stuff 24/7, you wouldn't particularly worry about
blowing off their opinions, would you?
Still, the bottom line is that the only decision
you need to make now is whether or not you'll start
breastfeeding. Sounds like you've decided to give that
a go. Tell yourself that you're going to give it a
solid six weeks to give it a fair shake, and then you'll
make whatever decision you please at that point. You
don't have to sign up to breastfeed for all eternity
right now ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

[Ericka Kammerer]

Tori M. wrote:

> Breastfeeding= Worry about baby eating enough, never knowing what the baby
> is taking in.

Why? I don't think I ever worried about that once.
I might if my baby weren't growing, but other than that,
why worry about this?

Best wishes,
Ericka

[Leslie]

Tori asked:

>but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?

You try. :-) Chances are you will like it if you keep it up for awhile.


>I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
>lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
>much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
>it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.

No, no, no!! Breastfeeding is the lazy mom's way to feed. No extra sleep is
required. When it's baby's naptime, put Bonnie in front of a show, and go lie
down with baby for 20 minutes and nurse him to sleep, then you can go back to
Bonnie. In the night, when baby cries you bring him into bed with you and you
both go back to sleep.



>
>What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets home
>from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a bit
>longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;)

Maybe your husband is different, but the vast majority of bottlefeeding moms
still end up with most of the feedings.

Not to
>mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.

If you really, really feel you need the break, after just a few weeks you can
pump a relief bottle or you can give an occasional bottle of formula.


>If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
>day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from

No, no, you really won't! Where do you get the idea that it's so tiring?

and not only
>that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby.

Hold baby, bathe baby, rock baby, take baby for walks, play with baby, feed
baby solids when the time comes . . . anyway, most bf moms enjoy nursing to the
point that they are happy that they have to unique ability to feed their baby.

I know
>most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
>shift husbands either.
>
>I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
>breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
>and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
>is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
>run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
>breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice is
>valid or well thought out.

Not trying to be mean at all, Tori, but I would have to agree with that. I can
see someone making a choice to STOP bf after trying it, but how can you choose
not to try when so much is unknown, you know? You don't need to make the
choice based on what others think at all, but you should make it based on the
best info available and I don't think that you will really know what it's like
until you give it a try. I think I see you as one of the people who doesn't
want to bf because it's an unknown and you are comfortable with ff and your
daughter was just fine, but if once you started it you would like it a lot! I
could be wrong of course but why not just give it a shot? What do you have to
lose after all?

>
>I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
>breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
>stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)

That's exactly it--bf will take you outside your comfort zone at first. But
you know what? Your body will be VERY good at making milk, if you let it. :-)


Leslie

Emily (2/4/91)
Jake (1/27/94)
Teddy (2/15/95)
William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.)
and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04

"Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home."
~ William Wordsworth

[Leslie]

Lindsay said:

>So now *every* day I have to have a discussion with
>hubs about how long to breastfeed for, should I stick with the six
>months..

The best way to deal with that is to set little goals . . . your first was six
months, now you can say, well let's just get to seven months and see how I feel
then, etc. Some moms who set a one month goal to begin with end up going a
year or even more. :-)




Leslie

Emily (2/4/91)
Jake (1/27/94)
Teddy (2/15/95)
William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.)
and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04

"Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home."
~ William Wordsworth

[firedancer623]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
>I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural
>and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?
> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
> lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
> much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
> it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.
>
> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets
> home
> from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a
> bit
> longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
> mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.
> If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
> day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
> that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
> most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
> shift husbands either.
>
> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
> and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
> is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
> run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
> breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice
> is
> valid or well thought out.
>
> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
> stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)
>
> Tori
>
> --
> Bonnie 3/20/02
> Xavier due 10/17/04
>
>

I bottle fed my first, combi-fed my 2nd and this time I've 100% breastfed. I
was no less tired with the 1st than the 3rd. Aside from the fact that she
slept through the night soonest, which, I think was purely by chance (she
still is my best sleeper by a long shot!)

Yes there were times I was tired of it, but there were times I was sick of
holding on to a bottle too. What I love about breastfeeding that I couldn't
do with bottles is lay down and feed. I still do that at night. I never had
(have) to sit up, ever. We did co-sleep in the beginning and found that he
actually sleeps better in his crib. Once he falls asleep, if Im still awake,
I give my hubby a little tap and he carries him back into his crib.

And don't worry about pleasing others. You have to do what's best for you
and your family.

Good luck

Kari
mom to Kaylie (8) Noah (5) and Xander (11 mos)

[Zaz]

I want to breastfeed, but I cannot see why you should feel obliged to do so.
I believe it is a personal choice.

My mother always has an answer for those who tell her she SHOULD HAVE
breastfed her children: "Well, they say breastfeeding makes your kids
smarter... I think I made the right choice: genius is very close to
dementia..."
(great compliment to me and my bro!)

If you feel "forced" or "obliged" to breastfeed, chances are you won't enjoy
it. Follow your guts.

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
>I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural
>and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?
> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
> lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
> much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
> it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.
>
> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets
> home
> from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a
> bit
> longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
> mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.
> If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
> day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
> that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
> most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
> shift husbands either.
>
> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
> and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
> is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
> run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
> breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice
> is
> valid or well thought out.
>
> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
> stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)
>
> Tori
>
> --
> Bonnie 3/20/02
> Xavier due 10/17/04
>
>

[Nan]

On 12 Sep 2004 14:08:54 GMT, (Leslie) scribbled:

>Maybe your husband is different, but the vast majority of bottlefeeding moms
>still end up with most of the feedings.

I don't think this is something you can generalize on. I think it
depends on a number of factors, actually. My dh also works 3rd shift
and he takes dd2 out to the living room when she wakes up for her 5:30
wakeful period, and feeds her. If we're both awake, he'll feed her
just as much, if not more, than me.

Nan

[Mary S.]

You know, as a fellow lover of the familiar and fearer of the unknown, I
think you deserve a ton of credit for being willing to give it a try
this time. I really hope you have an easy time of it, and that it's
better than you imagine.

In my experience, the first week just kind of sucks, physically
speaking. Lots of soreness, and I had to sit up in bed and get
everything lined up right for all the feedings. That sitting up and
staying awake will kill you, LOL. It's a HUGE milestone in terms of
sleep when you can start dozing through the nursing sessions. I felt a
little sleepy some days, but I was never really tired (and I'm a
high-needs sleep person, or at least I was before having kids).
Whenever I've gotten up with my toddler for whatever reason, the act of
trying to prop my eyelids open while I sit with her at her bed makes me
realize why everyone told me that new motherhood would be so exhausting
-- waking up at night is hard!

Here's our setup, in case this helps you make it all go smoothly at
first. I had the baby in between us in bed, up at the top of the bed so
she was away from blankets/pillows, on a changing pad (one that had sort
of a slippery texture -- it came with my diaper bag), so when she woke
up, I reached up, grabbed the changing pad, and slid her down to my
chest level, latched her on, and dozed. The books will say that a
mother instinctively makes a protective curl around her baby while she
sleeps and nurses -- IMHO, it's really because you need to throw your
legs forward a bit to keep from tipping over. :) It takes a little
experimentation with your body position, where to put your arms and
stuff, but suddenly it clicks and you figure out how to comfortably
drift back off to sleep while side-lying and nursing. If I woke up when
she latched off, I'd slide the changing pad back up and snuggle into the
quilt (I'm a big covers-snuggler); if not, we'd both keep sleeping with
the blankets folded down at my waist.

If we had not wanted to cosleep, it would have worked just as well to
have DH get up (or reach into the bassinet), plop the baby down next to
me in bed, I'd latch on and doze, and then he'd either have taken the
baby back when done or left the baby there, according to his preference.

There's just a huge difference in tiredness level, in my experience,
between having to sit up and stay awake for 10 minutes, and just rolling
over without even opening both eyes. But the trick is, you've got to
muscle through those first 2 weeks to get there. At least, that was how
it happened for me.

Good luck, and don't be afraid to send a million "help!" messages about
how to make it work, either here or to mkb. I think it's great that
you're willing to give it a shot, and it's true that no matter how much
milk you get into your baby, it will have a positive effect.

A great non-militant book that I liked a lot was "So That's What They're
For!" It's not guilt-inducing the way some of the others can be, but it
has tons of tips and tricks for making breastfeeding easier.

Mary S.

[Nan]

On Sat, 11 Sep 2004 20:40:16 -0500, "Tori M."
> scribbled:

>I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural and
>healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
>successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
>but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?

Well, I disagree that anyone is supposed to want to breastfeed, but if
you feel you must try, then you try. Even if Xavier gets just your
colostrum, you're giving him a good start.

>I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
>lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
>much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
>it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.

I could never get the hang of sleeping while nursing. I know a lot of
women give that as the solution, but it's not a one size fits all,
either. But, it's something that *may* work for you :-)

>What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets home
>from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a bit
>longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
>mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.

If you're able, you can store EBM and he can still do this for you.
My dh did, and it was *great*.

>If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
>day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
>that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
>most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
>shift husbands either.

My dh works 3rd shift, and I actually find it easier than I would if
he worked 1st shift. He's able to take dd2 early in the morning for
me so I can sleep a little longer, and can also take dd1 if she wakes
up early. He pitches in around the house, and sleeps about 6-7 hours
during the day so he's here a greater number of hours than if he
worked 8 hours during the day, plus the commute.

>I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
>breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
>and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
>is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
>run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
>breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice is
>valid or well thought out.

I don't have a passion either way. I really wanted to, for our
situation, but I don't come down on either side of the coin, really.

As far as what anyone else might think or say, Screw 'Em ;-)

>I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
>breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
>stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)

The unknown can be scary sometimes.

Nan

[Marie]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
> I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural
and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?
> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
> lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
> much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
> it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.
>
> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets
home
> from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a
bit
> longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
> mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.
> If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
> day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
> that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
> most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
> shift husbands either.
>
> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
> and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
> is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
> run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
> breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice
is
> valid or well thought out.
>
> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
> stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)
>
> Tori
>
> --
> Bonnie 3/20/02
> Xavier due 10/17/04
>
>

DD is my first, and I did not have any experience with BF and seeing others
BF. Nor was I passionate about it. That didn't stop me from trying, however.

My primary reason for BF is to keep DD healthy as much as possible. As a FF
baby, I had asthma, allergies, and a lot of ear infections since birth. (I
must add that I have a hearing disability - unknown cause.) I was also
allergic to cow's-milk formula, so I was switched to soy formula, which I
read may be a risk for thyroid problems later in life. I was a sickly child
as well. To date, my DD is incredibly healthy - no colds, no ear infections,
no allergies. That may change later, but as compared to me as a baby, she is
as healthy as a horse. And it's well worth it to me!

BF'ing was very hard for the first two weeks. I had nipple pain. Only the
Lord knows how often I checked DD's latch. It wasn't the issue. Then one day
it disappeared. I had OAL issues, as well. The only solution for me after I
researched and tried other solutions was to use a towel till the spray
stopped. This got eventually resolved, or DD is older and can handle it
better. Did I have trouble with sleep at night? Oh, yeah because she cried
several times a night in her crib. That's why we started co-sleeping at two
weeks old, which was a life-saver for me. And she started sleeping through
the night almost right off the bat, to a point I had to set my alarm to feed
her each night. After I received the ped's okay to drop the scheduled night
feeding, I stopped setting my alarm when DD was two months old. When she
needs to eat in the wee hours, I just have her latch on, and I go back to
sleep.

DD turned 7 months old yesterday, and BF has been easy as pie for several
months now. And I enjoy other benefits that go with it, such as the close
bonding and feeling relaxed afterwards. The point is, things do get better
with time.

You need to examine your reasons for BF and make the best decision for
yourself and your family. Like I wrote above, health is my biggest reason.
Additionally, I feel one would need to be 100% committed for it to work out
(under normal circumstances, that is). Before DD was born, I had made a
decision to BF for a year. Now, I am willing to go two years for DD's
continued health benefits. Go figure. :)

Good luck.

Another Marie

[Mary S.]

Tori M. wrote:

> Ok I read here or on MKB that breastfeeding makes your body relax with a
> hormone and I must have assumed/ thought that it made you more tired. I was
> trying to picture me laying in bed with a poor baby hoping I could move to
> swap breasts;)

:) The hormone thing does happen to me (it doesn't affect everyone),
but it's more an "ahhh" kind of relaxing where you feel refreshed
afterwards, rather than making you tired for the rest of the day, if
that makes sense. Like a foot rub more than a sleeping pill.

I'm not huge-breasted, so I was able to nurse from both breasts lying on
one side. I kind of leaned over further to get the top breast into her
mouth, and kicked my top leg out a bit for balance. I know lots of
people who did move the baby around to switch sides, though. (I also
didn't switch breasts in one feeding, but would do right side for one
feeding, then a few hours later, the left side for that feeding, etc. I
know some of the books say 5 minutes on one side and then switch, but I
never did that and I know tons of people who didn't either.)

Mary S.




I am lucky that Jeff was verry good at taking some night
> feedings with Bonnie but boy she was a difficult baby. She still wakes up
> some nights and comes in my room to sleep usualy about the same time I am
> heading to bed anyway but last night I did not get to sleep until 3 am! Had
> to get up for church at 7:30 *yawn* Now the goof ball has decided she
> wanted to take a nap on the couch.. That leaves me napless again today since
> i gave her the choice of taking a nap on the couch or taking a nap in her
> bed. She needed it as much as I do... maybe if I get everything done I can
> get to bed by 10 tonight.. Some days I think I was silly wanting a #2 when
> my #1 makes me so exhasted... I hope I just had my difficult one first;)
>
> Tori
>

[Tori M.]

"Ericka Kammerer" > wrote in message
...
> Tori M. wrote:
>
> > Breastfeeding= Worry about baby eating enough, never knowing what the
baby
> > is taking in.
>
> Why? I don't think I ever worried about that once.
> I might if my baby weren't growing, but other than that,
> why worry about this?
>
> Best wishes,
> Ericka

I think with Bonnie I had more worries then I should have.. She was too
small in utro she was too small at birth and then the drs made a big deal in
the hospital. The next guy if going to be bigger.. already estamated at 5
lbs 8 oz with 5 weeks left to go.. I am hoping that a bigger baby less
groggy will have a better suck and be less stress.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Xavier due 10/17/04

[Tori M.]

> No, no, you really won't! Where do you get the idea that it's so tiring?

Ok I read here or on MKB that breastfeeding makes your body relax with a
hormone and I must have assumed/ thought that it made you more tired. I was
trying to picture me laying in bed with a poor baby hoping I could move to
swap breasts;) I am lucky that Jeff was verry good at taking some night
feedings with Bonnie but boy she was a difficult baby. She still wakes up
some nights and comes in my room to sleep usualy about the same time I am
heading to bed anyway but last night I did not get to sleep until 3 am! Had
to get up for church at 7:30 *yawn* Now the goof ball has decided she
wanted to take a nap on the couch.. That leaves me napless again today since
i gave her the choice of taking a nap on the couch or taking a nap in her
bed. She needed it as much as I do... maybe if I get everything done I can
get to bed by 10 tonight.. Some days I think I was silly wanting a #2 when
my #1 makes me so exhasted... I hope I just had my difficult one first;)

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Xavier due 10/17/04

[Ericka Kammerer]

Tori M. wrote:

> I think with Bonnie I had more worries then I should have.. She was too
> small in utro she was too small at birth and then the drs made a big deal in
> the hospital. The next guy if going to be bigger.. already estamated at 5
> lbs 8 oz with 5 weeks left to go.. I am hoping that a bigger baby less
> groggy will have a better suck and be less stress.

Don't bring too much of your baggage from your
first baby to your second. They can be very different
creatures! It's quite likely that things will be much
easier this time around, given what a challenge you had
last time, but it won't *seem* any easier if you're
always waiting for the other shoe to drop! Try to
relax and stop borrowing trouble.

Best wishes,
Ericka

[Ericka Kammerer]

Tori M. wrote:

>>No, no, you really won't! Where do you get the idea that it's so tiring?
>
>
> Ok I read here or on MKB that breastfeeding makes your body relax with a
> hormone and I must have assumed/ thought that it made you more tired.

No, no, not at all! It just makes you feel good ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

[toypup]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
>
>> No, no, you really won't! Where do you get the idea that it's so tiring?
>
> Ok I read here or on MKB that breastfeeding makes your body relax with a
> hormone and I must have assumed/ thought that it made you more tired.

Not at all. I feel relaxed, not tired. All the tensions melt away. Isn't
that how you'd want to feel? Try it. You might like it.

[Ericka Kammerer]

Mary S. wrote:

> I'm not huge-breasted, so I was able to nurse from both breasts lying on
> one side. I kind of leaned over further to get the top breast into her
> mouth, and kicked my top leg out a bit for balance. I know lots of
> people who did move the baby around to switch sides, though. (I also
> didn't switch breasts in one feeding, but would do right side for one
> feeding, then a few hours later, the left side for that feeding, etc. I
> know some of the books say 5 minutes on one side and then switch, but I
> never did that and I know tons of people who didn't either.)

I didn't either. I think it's much easier to nurse
one side at a feeding, unless there's something that makes
that particularly problematic for someone.

Best wishes,
Ericka

[Not My Real Name]

> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
> lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
> much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
> it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.
>
You may or may not find that breastfeeding makes a difference with sleeping.
After the first couple of weeks, I got pretty good at latching the baby on
and dozing off again while she nursed.

> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets
> home
> from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a
> bit
> longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;)

Your husband can still do that if you're breastfeeding. After those first
few weeks, babies tend to go for a little longer between feedings, aside
from growth spurts, and your DH can care for the baby then while you sleep.

> but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby.

I dunno. . . breastfeeding is the only thing my husband can't do. He can do
laundry, make dinner, take care of our toddler, bathe the baby, change the
baby, hold the baby while I nap or shower, etc. . .

(((HUGS))).


--
-Sara:)
Mommy to DD, 2 1/2
And Someone Due 2/05

[Rosenugga]

Tori only you can make the decision whether or not to BF. Before DD was born I
planned on bottlefeeding simply because that was all I knew. I did havea
step-SIL that BF but I was rarely around her. My husband was the one that
brought it up and he just told me to research it. After reading all the
benefits I decided to try it for the six weeks I was home. I ended up
breastfeeding until just shy of a year.

There were several times that I had to bottlefeed due to medication that i was
on. I feel that bottlefeeding is a much bigger pain than BF. During the night
it is much easier to latch on and go back to sleep. I hated having to get up
during the night to make a bottle. I remember waking up one night to DD
crawling on top of me. She was done with the one side and decided to go
looking for the other.

The only person I put down for their decisions about BF was a girl that used to
live with us. She started BF with my encouragement. At two weeks she gave it
up because she wanted to be able to go out and party (i.e. do drugs and drink).
I couldn't believe it. Let's just say that was the first decision towards
abandoning her child in my opinion.

Good luckin whatever decision you make. Get in touch with BF support group.
It really helped me to have others that I could talk to. Remember only you can
decide what is best for you and your child. If you want someone to talk to the
email is valid. I'll try to help.
Rose
Mamma to Caity Feb 13 1999 ( Daddy's best birthday present)

[Not My Real Name]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
>
>> No, no, you really won't! Where do you get the idea that it's so tiring?
>
> Ok I read here or on MKB that breastfeeding makes your body relax with a
> hormone and I must have assumed/ thought that it made you more tired.

Like the other people have said, it's more of a relaxed and calm feeling.
At least for me anyway. One thing I have always enjoyed about breastfeeding
is that even during a busy or frustrating day, the nursing hormones let me
relax and connect with my baby. It's as if my body says, "Here Mom, an
extra measure of calmness to help you do the things you have to do." It
doesn't exactly zonk me out, though if I'm keyed up and can't settle my
brain down to sleep, the relaxing effects of nursing help with that, similar
to reading a book or a back rub or a cup of tea or something like that.
I've dozed off several times while nursing, but honestly, it's probably more
the sitting down in a comfy rocking chair with a warm snuggly baby that does
that rather than breastfeeding; bottle-feeding would do that to me too, I'm
sure (but then again, so will riding in the car, lol). The other thing I
happen to like about breastfeeding is that it's an instant break for Mom --
when everyone else is rushing around, and the baby needs to be fed, well,
nobody can argue when I sit down to nurse. :) (Darn it, now this is making
me really impatient! Only 20-ish more weeks to go. I love my toddler, but
I can't wait for a tiny new baby to hold!)

I agree with the other posters who say try it (for at least 6 weeks) and
then if you really hate it, stop. But you won't know if you don't try it.
I also tell moms to take it one feeding at a time. Especially in the
beginning, and especially if it's at all hard or uncomfortable, it's easier
to take it one feeding at a time than to think about twelve or so feedings
in a day. Pretty soon you realize that you've stopped thinking about it.


--
-Sara:)
Mommy to DD, 2 1/2
And Someone Due 2/05

[Nancy P.]

"Mary S." > wrote in message
...
>
>
>> I'm not huge-breasted, so I was able to nurse from both breasts lying on
> one side. I kind of leaned over further to get the top breast into her
> mouth, and kicked my top leg out a bit for balance.


LOL, that works really well with huge breasts, too. You just lean a little
less.

Nancy

[Nancy P.]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
>
Who knows maybe #2 will pop out enjoying the breast and sleep
> through the night at a week old like a good boy and magicly sleep on my
> schedual;) Wouldnt that be something...

Well, believe it or not, it can happen. I am living proof (with the caveat
that my older child was not at all a good sleeper so I deserve this, really
I do). From the get-go, my baby knew night from day. At first she would
wake up every few hours at night, nurse for a few (10 or 15) minutes, and
then go right back asleep. Since she's been about 6-8 weeks old she's been
sleeping from about 8 pm to 4 am (nursing for a few minutes) and then back
to sleep until 7 or so. Now she's 4 1/2 months, and about half of the time
she doesn't wake up for the 4 am feeding, so we really do sleep through the
night. [Well, there are nights my 2 year old wakes up several times, but the
baby sleeps through that]. I am not cosleeping, but the baby is in a crib
in my room until we get around to painting/arranging/cleaning up her room.
When the baby does wake in the night, I bring her in to bed with me and I
sit up while nursing her on the boppy pillow. I have a husband cushion I
lean back on, and sometimes I do fall asleep nursing her, but its not so
comfortable that I'm going to accidentally stay asleep for hours and hours,
so she goes back to her crib.

By the way, I say try it, and if you can stick it out through the hard part,
it might be so easy you want to stick with it. Or maybe you still won't
want to, that's your choice. But to give it a fair shake, you shouldn't
decide until after 6-8 weeks.

Nancy

[Cathy]

Tori M. wrote:
> I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed.

I am passionate about breastfeeding, but I believe that women have the right
to make a choice. As I was sitting nursing DD for hours on end, watching
DH do stuff other than feed DD, I got very jealous, and really wanted to
give bottles. But in our case, money was an issue so seeing as I could
breastfeed, that is what I chose to do. This time around, I really want to
introduce a bottle of expressed milk and try and get the best of both
worlds. Be stubborn, make a choice, and stick with it - do what is best for
YOU.

Cathy
DD 8 Jan 03
EDD 8 Dec 04



> natural and healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that
> most women CAN successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems
> are to be expected.. but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST
> at least try?
> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could
> not lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and
> sleep As much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore
> and some nights it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.
>
> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH
> gets home from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and
> let me sleep a bit longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now
> while I sleep;) Not to mention that when he is up at nights on the
> weekend he could do baby care. If I breast feed I will need to find a
> way to squeeze in naps durring the day that I honnestly have no idea
> where they will come from and not only that but DH will not be able
> to do more then diapering the Baby. I know most breastfeeding
> families are like this but most families dont have 3rd shift husbands
> either.
>
> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a
> bottle and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby
> breast feed.. it is a decision the parents made both valid in my
> eyes... Maybe in the long run I am having a hard time because I know
> if I dont at least TRY to breastfeed then most of the moms that are
> arround me wont thing my choice is valid or well thought out.
>
> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just
> rather stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a
> bottle;)
>
> Tori

[Amy]

Tori,
Do what you have to do and try not to feel too guilty about it. Yes,
breastfeeding is best for your baby, there are no two ways about it. But as
our children grow, there are lots of things that are best for them that we
won't always be in a state or have the capacity to give them. Lose the guilt
now, or it'll only get worse!
Breastfeeding has worked great for us, but I was always committed and
enthusiastic about it during my pregnancy. Not everyone feels that way. I
know there are other aspects of her life as she grows that we'll be unable
to meet her expectations. It's idealism vs. reality.
If you do bottlefeed, do it properly - hold Xavier as though you are
breastfeeding him, and make sure your DH does the same. Remember to swap
sides while feeding him as it's important for left/right brain development.
His immune system won't be as strong, and he may be prone to constipation
and other upsets, but you know all that. If you provide for all his other
needs he will still likely be a happy, satisfied baby and once he's grown up
it probably won't matter to him either way anyway.
I've been called "a good Taranaki jersey cow" (I live in a dairy farming
district) because breastfeeding has gone very well for us & DD is growing
like a weed. But she likes to try and drink her bathwater, I find cat hair
in her mouth and nappy, and the other day I dropped her head back on her
sheepskin while changing her in a hurry and made her cry. We're all
imperfect people raising children in an imperfect world. I challenge anyone
here who claims to be the perfect parent to prove it.
You do your best. Good luck with whatever method of feeding you choose!

http://www.badmothersclub.co.uk/jsp/index.jsp

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
> I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural
and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?
> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
> lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
> much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
> it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.
>
> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets
home
> from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a
bit
> longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
> mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.
> If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
> day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
> that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
> most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
> shift husbands either.
>
> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
> and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
> is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
> run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
> breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice
is
> valid or well thought out.
>
> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
> stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)
>
> Tori
>
> --
> Bonnie 3/20/02
> Xavier due 10/17/04
>
>

[Leslie]

>Ok I read here or on MKB that breastfeeding makes your body relax with a
>hormone

Oh, and that is one of the truly awesome things about bf, IMO. I remember with
my first, when I had to work, I loved coming home and sitting alone in a dark
room and nursing her, and that hormone would kick in and it was like a drug, I
could just feel all tension evaporate. It doesn't make you sleepy, although
for me if I was having TROUBLE sleeping ,bf could relax me enough to help me
sleep.


Leslie

Emily (2/4/91)
Jake (1/27/94)
Teddy (2/15/95)
William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.)
and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04

"Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home."
~ William Wordsworth

[Irrational Number]

Chotii wrote:
>
> Let me tell you my story. [...]
> When my first baby was born, I got thrush. [...]
> When my twins were born at 34 weeks, they were in NICU. I pumped 8 times a
> day around the clock for the first 3 weeks [...]
> When my youngest was born, I wound up with nipple trauma by day 1, mastitis
> by day 4, a crack at the base of one nipple that took 35 days to heal, and
> repeated plugged ducts for 6 weeks. [...]

Thanks for your story! My experienced is so much
easier than yours, but I, too, did the pumping
for NICU and pumping at work. I hated hated hated
the pumping and got plugged ducts and stuff (no
mastitis, thank goodness). Whenever someone
compliments me, I don't really know how to take it.
I say "thanks", but inside I'm saying, it's not
heroism, it's not sacrifice, it's just plain old
stubbornness.

I started out with 2 months as my goal, then 3,
then 4, then 6, then a year, now it's been 15 months
so far and still going. I've discovered that BF-ing
is actually the lazy way to do things. While pumping,
as you well know, you gotta wash them bottles, wash
them pump parts, transfer them milks, do all them
chore-like things. I'm retired from pumping now
(Pillbug gets soy milk during the day), but I BF
when we're together and it takes so much more energy
to prepare his solids or his milk. I would rather
just BF and get it done in 6 minutes, nothing to
clean up! ;)

-- Anita --

[Irrational Number]

Leslie wrote:

>>Ok I read here or on MKB that breastfeeding makes your body relax with a
>>hormone
>
> Oh, and that is one of the truly awesome things about bf, IMO. I remember with
> my first, when I had to work, I loved coming home and sitting alone in a dark
> room and nursing her, and that hormone would kick in and it was like a drug, I
> could just feel all tension evaporate. It doesn't make you sleepy, although
> for me if I was having TROUBLE sleeping ,bf could relax me enough to help me
> sleep.

Very strange, that hormone... I was on this
high for 11 months. Then, AF returned, and
suddenly all the normal stresses of life/work/
everything returned. But, for those 11 months,
it was weird, absolutely NOTHING got me upset.
I was in this strange, relaxed, happy place...

-- Anita --

[Tina]

I'm glad you feel like you're going to give it a try, because it should
really be worth it, especially given your previous experience --
success should come more easily, comparatively, no?

I'm not very passionate about breastfeeding, I don't think, but I
*know* that it was the best choice for my kids, health wise, because of
tons of allergy issues. I decided that when I was reading up on
nursing while pregnant, but until I went to a LLL meeting, I never saw
anyone nurse a baby, ever. It was scary and weird, but it worked.

My husband has an unusual work schedule, compared to many familes with
little kids. It's not shift work, specifically, but I think it's close
to what second shift would be? We eat dinner early then he leaves for
work, and gets home after we're all sleeping (and I, like you, stay up
quite late). So, he's too tired to get up and help in the mornings
frequently, and he's never here for bedtime...I felt like breastfeeding
really helped me because I wouldn't have had anyone to hand a bottle
off to, anyway! And the overnight feedings do get easier. Either by
resting during them, or spreading them out. You never know -- you
could get one of those mythical ones who sleep 8 hours from day one!

I had my colicky one first, and my sleeper second. Also, even if your
husband just keeps doing the things he already does to help with
Bonnie, you could end up getting just as much sleep as you are now, it
just may be shifted around. My first daughter adjusted her moods to
our schedule -- she'd be colicky from about 8-11 PM and 2-5AM, but then
sleep from 5 until 10AM, when we *all* wanted to sleep. (Wouldn't have
minded 2 AM, but I took what I could get!)


....Unfortunately, she was slow to grow, like you're worried about, and
I did the absolute wrong thing -- woke her to feed her, round the
clock, for a year (until she doubled her birthweight). She did not
grow any faster for this effort, I don't think.

So I was determined not to do that with my second, and I didn't. And
she was small, too. But I got a baby scale so I didn't have to talk to
anyone (nurse/Dr.) to find out how she was growing, and I could weigh
her right before and after a feeding -- and people were so scared I was
going to go crazy, but she was never awakened to nurse, she grew OK,
then pretty slow, but she got 'checked' far less often than my first,
and I was so much less worried! It was like having the scale there
relaxed me.

It might not relax you, but it might be worth a try. The scale I got
is not high-tech, and was pretty inexpensive.
All the best -- I'll bet it goes far better than you expect!

Tina.

[Jenrose]

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
..
> If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
> day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
> that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
> most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
> shift husbands either.


Nah, I had *no* husband with dd... her father was only useful at night if I
browbeat him into it--was not worth it and I ended up moving out when she
was 4 1/2 months old because he was going out of his way to make things as
unpleasant as possible (he wanted me to leave when I was 7 months pg... )

I don't expect my dh to do a whole lot of night babycare. Why?

a) The way I do things at night, there just isn't much.
b) He has to be up and working during the day, I don't.
c) I'm much more comfortable with it than he is.
d) He's a bear at night when woken up, and he's extraordinarly sweet and
helpful during the day/evening when he's had enough sleep. Seriously--this
man cleaned our kitchen, dining room, living room, my computer room and my
study this weekend, because I asked him to. No browbeating needed.

How did I set up night babycare so that there wasn't much?

1. At the last diaper change of the night, I slathered baby's butt with a
barrier cream (zinc oxide ointment works great, but any thick, moisture
blocking cream will do) and put on the thickest, most absorbant, leak-proof
diaper in my arsenal (cloth, disposable, didn't matter, just had to be able
to go 10 hours without a change.)
2. The policy was no diaper changes at night barring something smelling bad.
The flip of this is that we changed *frequently* during the day.
3. From birth, baby was swaddled snuggly at night and put to sleep in the
crook of my arm or next to me on the bed. I got creative with blankets, etc.
to keep me warm without getting in the way of baby's face. This varied
some... I'd usually let baby fall asleep anywhere in the house on my body or
nursing, then transfer baby to a crib if I needed some down time, then bring
baby in with me when I went to bed.
4. At night, baby ate totally on demand, but if nursing went on too long
*and* was keeping me awake, I would simply unlatch, then move so the boob
wasn't "right there".

When you remove rocking to sleep, diapers, making bottles, etc. from the
picture, there's not a whole lot more to do than just lie there after you've
figured out the whole latch thing. The younger babies needed some burp time
at first, but that disappeared pretty quickly.

Jenrose

[Mary Gordon]

Tori, I'm the mom of three, and what worked best for me was cosleeping
with baby, and hubbie taking the nightshift with the older kid(s). In
other words, you deal with baby (which is enough in itself), and he
runs interference to keep the toddler away from you, so you don't have
a second source of interruptions. In the first weeks, hubbie ended up
having to sleep in the toddler's room - since he wouldn't wake up (I
would) and the entire point was to get me sleep. He needed to get into
a groove where he heard the older one(s) and dealt with it so I didn't
get disturbed unless absolutely necessary.

Cosleeping was not something we set out to do, but it made a huge
difference for the amount of sleep I got. Once I learned to nurse
lying down, I never looked back. Kiddos cried less, I got way more
sleep (i.e. first wimper, I just rolled over and fed baby - I didn't
get out of bed, or woken up all the way, so I went right back to
sleep, as did baby). I also very rarely changed diapers during the
night once the frequent poops of the first days ended (i.e. within a
few weeks all three of mine got into the typical breastfed thing of
only pooping every couple of days). I found it was poops that really
wrecked their behinds, not pees, particularly with the superabsorbant
diapers and a thick layer of bum cream.

Before I figured out breastfeeding lying down, I thought I was gonna
die from lack of sleep, but once I had that one down, no problems!

I'm willing to bet money that when you have #2, you will wonder why
you found looking after a baby difficult. That was my experience -
having done it before helps (you will be much more confident), and the
immobility of a small baby is a huge blessing i.e. you put them down
somewhere, and they stay there!). It will still be your first who will
run you ragged, since she can run all over!

Mary G.

[Nikki]

Tori M. wrote:
> I know that I am *supposed* to want to breast feed.

Not necessarily ;-) I was pretty ambivalent about it with #1.

but what if you don't want to but feel you MUST
> at least try?

Then you try. You also don't spend to much time worrying about it before
the baby is born ;-) Try top address the issues you are concerned about but
you can't really know ahead of time what your issues will be, or if you'll
even have any! Some people don't. Every baby is different. You can
always stop breastfeeding if you feel it isn't the right choice for your
family.

>I am not good with lack of sleep

The amount of sleep isn't really tied to how you feed the baby.

> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH
> gets home from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and
> let me sleep a bit longer,

After 4 weeks the baby can get bottles of either IBM or formula if you feel
that having dh feed the baby would be beneficial.

>Not to mention that when he is up at nights on the
> weekend he could do baby care.

Even before 4 weeks he can bring the baby to you to nurse and then
immediately take the baby back to do the rest of the comforting and diapers
etc. You'd barely have to wake up and since you wouldn't have to get out of
bed you'd likely fall back to sleep pretty quickly too.

> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding.

You don't have to be. Deciding to try it out doesn't mean you are stuck
with that decision forever!!

most of the moms that are
> around me wont thing my choice is valid or well thought out.

Try to ignore them. The judgmental mom's will find something to be
judgmental about regardless of how you feed.

Try not to over think it!!

--
Nikki

[Beach mum]

I am a huge proponent of bf'ing, but I would still say that it sounds like
you're not going to be successful because you don't want to do it. This is
not a criticism. Although it is better for the baby to be bf'd if you're
miserable, it affects the baby in other ways. Know that your decision is the
best decision and tell those who dictate what to do to you to mind their own
business.

Good luck.

--
Melissa (in Los Angeles)
Mum to Elizabeth 4/13/03
and ??? due early 3/05

"Tori M." > wrote in message
...
>I know that I am *suposed* to want to breast feed. I know it is natural
>and
> healthier and cheaper and all the benifits. I know that most women CAN
> successfully breastfeed no problem and some problems are to be expected..
> but what if you dont want to but feel you MUST at least try?
> I am not good with lack of sleep to the point that sometimes I could not
> lift Bonnie. I know it will require me to go to bed earlier and sleep As
> much as possible when I can but Goofy does not nap anymore and some nights
> it is like pulling teeth to get her to go to bed.
>
> What keeps going through my head is if I bottle feed then when DH gets
> home
> from work he can take whatever feedings he feels like and let me sleep a
> bit
> longer, he does morning stuff with Bonnie now while I sleep;) Not to
> mention that when he is up at nights on the weekend he could do baby care.
> If I breast feed I will need to find a way to squeeze in naps durring the
> day that I honnestly have no idea where they will come from and not only
> that but DH will not be able to do more then diapering the Baby. I know
> most breastfeeding families are like this but most families dont have 3rd
> shift husbands either.
>
> I think the biggest problem is that I am not *passionate* about
> breastfeeding. It does not stir my blood to see a baby drinking a bottle
> and it does not really make me smile in awe to see a baby breast feed.. it
> is a decision the parents made both valid in my eyes... Maybe in the long
> run I am having a hard time because I know if I dont at least TRY to
> breastfeed then most of the moms that are arround me wont thing my choice
> is
> valid or well thought out.
>
> I am still going to see lactation consultants and go ahead with
> breastfeeding and give it a go but some days I think I would just rather
> stick with what I know.. I am pretty darned good at making a bottle;)
>
> Tori
>
> --
> Bonnie 3/20/02
> Xavier due 10/17/04
>
>

[Nikki]

Beach mum wrote:
> I am a huge proponent of bf'ing, but I would still say that it sounds
> like you're not going to be successful because you don't want to do
> it.

I wish people wouldn't say that. That isn't true at all. A lot of people
try breastfeeding without any real determination either way and go on to
either

a) have a rather easy time and breastfeed a long time

Me and two of my IRL friends fall into this category

b) breastfeed for a few weeks and then switch or

I know a large number of people in real life in this category

c) have a difficult time and still go on to breastfeed for a very long time

I know one person that didn't start out as very determined at all but
persevered through some difficulties

d) breastfeed for a few hours and days and then switch.

I'm sure there are lots of people here and I just don't know it.

Either way the baby receives colostrum and some breast milk which is
*always* good. It isn't all or nothing and you don't have to be
adamant/passionate/determined to make it work. Think of all the people that
wouldn't have breastfed had they felt that were true. I wouldn't have.
I'm pretty sure all the mothers I know that stopped when they went back to
work wouldn't have started at all had they thought it was all or nothing.
That would have been a shame. They *were* successful even though thier
goals were different then mine.

I guess I find it needlessly discouraging and defeatest to declare such a
thing before a baby is even born!!

--
Nikki

[Nan]

On Mon, 13 Sep 2004 16:31:33 -0500, "Nikki" >
scribbled:

>Either way the baby receives colostrum and some breast milk which is
>*always* good. It isn't all or nothing and you don't have to be
>adamant/passionate/determined to make it work. Think of all the people that
>wouldn't have breastfed had they felt that were true. I wouldn't have.
>I'm pretty sure all the mothers I know that stopped when they went back to
>work wouldn't have started at all had they thought it was all or nothing.
>That would have been a shame. They *were* successful even though thier
>goals were different then mine.
>
>I guess I find it needlessly discouraging and defeatest to declare such a
>thing before a baby is even born!!

Thank you. I *had* considered my breastfeeding relationship to be
unsuccessful in that it didn't last and I wasn't able to get a decent
supply going after the trauma of my accident. But, I realize it *was*
successful in that I was able to keep trying as long as I did, and
quitting when it no longer was good for *both* of us is what I needed
to do.
Success can only be measured by the participant, imo.

Nan

[Ericka Kammerer]

Nan wrote:

> Thank you. I *had* considered my breastfeeding relationship to be
> unsuccessful in that it didn't last and I wasn't able to get a decent
> supply going after the trauma of my accident. But, I realize it *was*
> successful in that I was able to keep trying as long as I did, and
> quitting when it no longer was good for *both* of us is what I needed
> to do.

Absolutely! It's all in how you look at it. You
may have been unsuccessful with respect to your original
goals, but you were very successful relative to the
situation you were dealt. Since we have to live in the
real world, it seems to me the latter is the more
relevant measure. I mean, if I could live in my fantasy
world I'm sure I'd be able to accomplish a lot more
stuff ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka