Little One HATES the car seat!

[Alicia]

My beautiful baby boy is now almost 12 weeks old, and since he was about 4
weeks old, he has hated the car seat! He screams like we're doing something
terrible to him, goes as stiff as a board when we try to put him in it and
sobs for about 15 minutes after we take him out. It is horrible! I hate to
hear him scream like that, but I have to be able to go out with him in the
car! Does anyone have any advice for how to make this less of a trial for
him? I don't want him to grow up hating to be in the car, or thinking that
we don't care because we keep putting him in there.
Alicia

[Scott Lindstrom]

Alicia wrote:
> My beautiful baby boy is now almost 12 weeks old, and since he was about 4
> weeks old, he has hated the car seat! He screams like we're doing something
> terrible to him, goes as stiff as a board when we try to put him in it and
> sobs for about 15 minutes after we take him out. It is horrible! I hate to
> hear him scream like that, but I have to be able to go out with him in the
> car! Does anyone have any advice for how to make this less of a trial for
> him? I don't want him to grow up hating to be in the car, or thinking that
> we don't care because we keep putting him in there.

I'm wondering if the semi-sitting position that you take
in a car seat is uncomfortable for him. Maybe because of
gas? Talk it over with your pediatrician. At any rate,
it's something he will grow out of -- unless he realizes
he can get a rise out of you by doing it, in which case
it will continue. In other words, don't react to his
unwanted behavior, just treat it very matter-of-factly.
Also, recheck to make sure there isn't something poking
him.

I think it's important to remember, also, that screaming
and crying are how babies that age communicate. I well
remember DD at 3 - 6 months during what the BH and I darkly
called the arsenic hours screaming from about 4-6 PM.
After a long day, I figure it was her way of unwinding.
Easy to say, very hard to live through. It got better.
And who really knows what she was crying about. Try not
to take it personally ;)

Scott DD 10 and DS 7.5

[Louise]

On Wed, 29 Oct 2003 11:37:06 EST, Alicia > wrote:

>My beautiful baby boy is now almost 12 weeks old, and since he was about 4
>weeks old, he has hated the car seat! He screams like we're doing something
>terrible to him, goes as stiff as a board when we try to put him in it and
>sobs for about 15 minutes after we take him out. It is horrible! I hate to
>hear him scream like that, but I have to be able to go out with him in the
>car! Does anyone have any advice for how to make this less of a trial for
>him? I don't want him to grow up hating to be in the car, or thinking that
>we don't care because we keep putting him in there.

No experience at all - just some wild guesses. I'm assuming you've
already felt around with your hands and face to see whether there's
anything sharp or lumpy or scratchy in the seat or its straps.

Is it brand new? Does it smell like new plastic (emit solvent fumes)?
(Washing it or putting it out in the sun might help that.)

Is there any sign that it irritates his skin?

Do you put your son in any other type of rigid or semi-rigid carrier
that he's comfortable in?

Is the carseat fixed to the car, or is it the kind where you can
buckle him in first and then carry the seat top to the base?

Have you asked his doctor about it?

Louise

[David desJardins]

Alicia writes:
>> My beautiful baby boy is now almost 12 weeks old, and since he was
>> about 4 weeks old, he has hated the car seat!

I don't know anyone who has had this problem, but I found a long list of
comments on the web, from people who did. Maybe some of these comments
will be useful to you:

http://parents.berkeley.edu/recommend/where2buy/carseats/hates.html

Scott Lindstrom writes:
> At any rate, it's something he will grow out of -- unless he realizes
> he can get a rise out of you by doing it, in which case it will
> continue. In other words, don't react to his unwanted behavior, just
> treat it very matter-of-factly.

I couldn't disagree more with this theory of child development. 12 week
old children don't cry in order to "get a rise" out of their parents.
Infants aren't going to cry any more or less if you treat them coldly.

David desJardins

[Scott Lindstrom]

David desJardins wrote:
> Alicia writes:
>
>>>My beautiful baby boy is now almost 12 weeks old, and since he was
>>>about 4 weeks old, he has hated the car seat!
>
>
> I don't know anyone who has had this problem, but I found a long list of
> comments on the web, from people who did. Maybe some of these comments
> will be useful to you:
>
> http://parents.berkeley.edu/recommend/where2buy/carseats/hates.html
>
> Scott Lindstrom writes:
>
>>At any rate, it's something he will grow out of -- unless he realizes
>>he can get a rise out of you by doing it, in which case it will
>>continue. In other words, don't react to his unwanted behavior, just
>>treat it very matter-of-factly.
>
>
> I couldn't disagree more with this theory of child development. 12 week
> old children don't cry in order to "get a rise" out of their parents.
> Infants aren't going to cry any more or less if you treat them coldly.

Maybe. But if a parent starts behaving such that they
react with alarm to everything a child does at age 0-3 months, how
easy is it for that parent to change his/her behavior as
a child does start to become aware how to yank the parents'
strings? [And why do you interpret matter-of-fact treatment
to be cold?]

Scott DD 10 and DS 7.5

[Karen G]

He's not the only baby who hates the car seat if it helps.
Unfortunately, it seems that some babies are more or less comfortable in
their seats than other. Both of my girls were content in theirs, but
our baby boy has not been. We are sure that a significant hernia that
was not repaired until 9 months contributed. That is resolved now and
he still does not enjoy his carseat for very long periods of time. We
have him facing his sisters in our van, which has helped. We are
hopeful, but realistic, that turning his seat around in the next few
months will help.

As another poster said, try not to take it personally. Unless you can
find some "cause" for his discomfort, he may just fuss more in the car
than other babies. He may react to your concern if you spend a great
deal of time and energy worrying about it. You might try getting a toy
mobile and installing sun shields.

Karen G

[David desJardins]

Scott Lindstrom writes:
> Maybe. But if a parent starts behaving such that they
> react with alarm to everything a child does at age 0-3 months

Reacting and responding to a child who is angry at being forced into a
carseat, and who cries for long periods during and after every such
occasion, is not remotely the same as "reacting with alarm to everything
a child does."

> [And why do you interpret matter-of-fact treatment to be cold?]

Because that's what the dictionary says.

cold n. .... 2 a : marked by a lack of the warmth of normal human
emotion, friendliness, or compassion <got a cold reception>; also : not
moved to enthusiasm <the movie leaves me cold> b : not colored or
affected by personal feeling or bias : DETACHED, INDIFFERENT <cold
chronicles recorded by an outsider -- Andrew Sarris>; also : IMPERSONAL,
OBJECTIVE <cold facts> <cold reality>

David desJardins

[Elizabeth Reid]

Alicia > wrote in message news:<2RRnb.215974$9l5.50262@pd7tw2no>...
> My beautiful baby boy is now almost 12 weeks old, and since he was about 4
> weeks old, he has hated the car seat! He screams like we're doing something
> terrible to him, goes as stiff as a board when we try to put him in it and
> sobs for about 15 minutes after we take him out. It is horrible! I hate to
> hear him scream like that, but I have to be able to go out with him in the
> car! Does anyone have any advice for how to make this less of a trial for
> him? I don't want him to grow up hating to be in the car, or thinking that
> we don't care because we keep putting him in there.

Alas, I know what you mean. And the icing on the cake is that
everyone thinks you're making it up because "babies love car rides"!

My son's reaction was a little less extreme than yours, as we could
sometimes get him to tolerate short rides, but generally car rides
were exercises in torture for all involved. We never found a solution
per se, just limited car rides as much as we could and just gritted
our teeth when we had to go somewhere more than 15 minutes away and
listened to the howls, feeling terrible. He's fourteen months old
now, and he's much, much better about it if it gives you any
comfort. He started to improve when we were able to turn the seat
around, and he's also just gotten old enough for him to be able
to daydream, I guess. Just trying to reassure you that there
may be hope.

One thing you might check into: a child of my acquaintance was
a terrible car rider, and when she got old enough to talk, it
turned out that she was very sensitive to motion sickness and
was probably howling because her stomach was bothering her. I
don't know what can be done about this possibility, but you
might ask your doctor.

Beth

[Jody L Kempf]

Karen G ) wrote:
: He's not the only baby who hates the car seat if it helps.
: Unfortunately, it seems that some babies are more or less comfortable in
: their seats than other. Both of my girls were content in theirs, but

: As another poster said, try not to take it personally. Unless you can

Here's another me too post. My daugher, now 12, was very unhappy in the
car seat as a newborn. When she was 5 weeks old we decided to take a 7
hour car trip to see my husband's dying grandmother. It was one of the
most miserable times I've ever had in a car. We started out stopping
frequently and finally decided to tough it out for longer stretches as the
frequent stops prolonged the agony for all of us.

When she was somewhat older we realized that she was feeling
carsick/nauseous in the car and I suspect that may have been why she was
so miserable as an infant. Fortunately the carsickness appears to have
lessened as she gets older.

It is difficult and we reduced our numbers of car trips while she was very
young. When she reached 4-6 (?) months we found that we were more able to
interact with her and distract her which made the trips easier.

Good luck,

Jody

[Elizabeth Gardner]

In article <2RRnb.215974$9l5.50262@pd7tw2no>,
Alicia > wrote:

> My beautiful baby boy is now almost 12 weeks old, and since he was about 4
> weeks old, he has hated the car seat! He screams like we're doing something
> terrible to him, goes as stiff as a board when we try to put him in it and
> sobs for about 15 minutes after we take him out. It is horrible! I hate to
> hear him scream like that, but I have to be able to go out with him in the
> car! Does anyone have any advice for how to make this less of a trial for
> him? I don't want him to grow up hating to be in the car, or thinking that
> we don't care because we keep putting him in there.
> Alicia
>

Ours despised riding backwards. In light of her subsequent personality
development, we think it might have been because she didn't have
anything to look at. She yelled at the top of her lungs most of the way
home from the hospital, until we hit a stretch of bumpy road the last
few miles that somehow lulled her to sleep.

Anyway we used to be able to distract her by singing, which would put
off the crying for maybe ten minutes. Around here, that's enough time to
get a lot of places. We obtained a tape of lullabies when she was about
four months old, which helped sometimes. We also hung some chewable
keys and other toys from the handle of the seat, which sometimes kept
her occupied. Otherwise, we just let her cry herself to sleep.

Once she was old enough to ride frontwards, things got much better.

Hope it gets better soon! If it's any comfort, what our daughter was
like the first three months was a very shaky predictor of what she later
turned out to be (a pretty good car rider, for one thing).

[Rosalie B.]

Elizabeth Gardner > wrote:

>In article <2RRnb.215974$9l5.50262@pd7tw2no>,
> Alicia > wrote:
>
>> My beautiful baby boy is now almost 12 weeks old, and since he was about 4
>> weeks old, he has hated the car seat! He screams like we're doing something
>> terrible to him, goes as stiff as a board when we try to put him in it and
>> sobs for about 15 minutes after we take him out. It is horrible! I hate to
>> hear him scream like that, but I have to be able to go out with him in the
>> car! Does anyone have any advice for how to make this less of a trial for
>> him? I don't want him to grow up hating to be in the car, or thinking that
>> we don't care because we keep putting him in there.
>> Alicia
>>
>
>Ours despised riding backwards. In light of her subsequent personality
>development, we think it might have been because she didn't have
>anything to look at. She yelled at the top of her lungs most of the way
>home from the hospital, until we hit a stretch of bumpy road the last
>few miles that somehow lulled her to sleep.
>
>Anyway we used to be able to distract her by singing, which would put
>off the crying for maybe ten minutes. Around here, that's enough time to
>get a lot of places. We obtained a tape of lullabies when she was about
>four months old, which helped sometimes. We also hung some chewable
>keys and other toys from the handle of the seat, which sometimes kept
>her occupied. Otherwise, we just let her cry herself to sleep.
>
>Once she was old enough to ride frontwards, things got much better.
>
This was never a problem for me because we didn't even HAVE backward
facing car seats when mine were growing up.

Most people seem to say that it gets better when they can face
forward. I know that the carseats are safer when they face backward,
but what would be the tradeoff of turning them around earlier to see
whether that was what it was? (like you know they are better off
sleeping on their back, but when they turn over by themselves you more
or less have to let them sleep on their tummies)

If it didn't work, then you'd have to think of something else, but at
least if it did work, you'd know you had a finite time before it would
get better, and you could perhaps rethink the idea of whether you HAVE
TO go out with him in the car. There are still people with no cars -
they walk or use public transportation. It might not be easy for you,
but it does not seem easy for him either. You could wait to do the
errands until your dh was home, or get someone in to baby sit.

If it was lack of things to see, you could figure out something for
them to watch (a mirror?)

If it was car-sickness, what would be the problem with giving them
anti-nausea medication? What do doctors prescribe for babies who have
to fly for some reason?


grandma Rosalie

[Harold Buck]

In article >,
Elizabeth Gardner > wrote:

> We also hung some chewable
> keys and other toys from the handle of the seat, which sometimes kept
> her occupied.


If you're talking about the carrying handle of your infant car seat (the
kind with a detachable base), these handles should NOT be left in the up
position when driving. The handles can cause injuries in a crash.

Yes, I know you see lots of people driving around with the handles up,
but the state trooper who did our car-seat check insisted it's very
dangerous.

--Harold Buck


"I used to rock and roll all night,
and party every day.
Then it was every other day. . . ."
-Homer J. Simpson

[Laura Faussone]

Harold Buck wrote:

> In article >,
> Elizabeth Gardner > wrote:
>
> > We also hung some chewable
> > keys and other toys from the handle of the seat, which sometimes kept
> > her occupied.
>
> If you're talking about the carrying handle of your infant car seat (the
> kind with a detachable base), these handles should NOT be left in the up
> position when driving. The handles can cause injuries in a crash.
>
> Yes, I know you see lots of people driving around with the handles up,
> but the state trooper who did our car-seat check insisted it's very
> dangerous.

I *think* there is an infant seat where having the handle up is OK, but most
need the handle down for structural integrity -- it should be in the manual
that comes with the seat.

Laura

[David desJardins]

Harold Buck writes:
> If you're talking about the carrying handle of your infant car seat
> (the kind with a detachable base), these handles should NOT be left in
> the up position when driving. The handles can cause injuries in a
> crash.

Can you cite any published reference with actual data to back up this
risk? I'm pretty skeptical of it. I do think the manufacturers
recommend lowering the handle, but that's not the same as an actual
risk. I have never seen any description of an actual injury related to
this (but that doesn't mean it's not possible).

David desJardins

[David desJardins]

Harold Buck writes:
> If you're talking about the carrying handle of your infant car seat (the
> kind with a detachable base), these handles should NOT be left in the up
> position when driving. The handles can cause injuries in a crash.

After writing my last response (expressing doubt about this risk), I
found this:

>>> http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,5428,00.html
>>>
>>> Many parents make the mistake of leaving the carrying handle up when
>>> they put their infant's seat in the car. The handle is designed to
>>> lend extra structural support when the seat is installed in the car,
>>> but to gain this extra support, the handle should be set back behind
>>> the head of the seat in most instances.

I find this explanation more plausible than the handle-injury theory.
It still seems that the number of cases in which it would make a
difference would be very small, though.

David desJardins

[Splanche]

>Most people seem to say that it gets better when they can face
>forward. I know that the carseats are safer when they face backward,
>but what would be the tradeoff of turning them around earlier to see
>whether that was what it was?

Tradeoff might be a broken neck in a car accident.
Rear facing for infants protects them better since their heads are
disproportionately large to their bodies, and their necks are not strong, if
memory serves me.

[Elizabeth Gardner]

In article
>,
Harold Buck > wrote:

> In article >,
> Elizabeth Gardner > wrote:
>
> > We also hung some chewable
> > keys and other toys from the handle of the seat, which sometimes kept
> > her occupied.
>
>
> If you're talking about the carrying handle of your infant car seat (the
> kind with a detachable base), these handles should NOT be left in the up
> position when driving. The handles can cause injuries in a crash.
>
> Yes, I know you see lots of people driving around with the handles up,
> but the state trooper who did our car-seat check insisted it's very
> dangerous.
>


Too late! She's even too big for most booster seats these days. They
hadn't invented detachable bases when we were using the kind of seat
that had a handle, and I don't recall there being a warning about
leaving it up, though there may have been. Heaven knows, my brain was
filled with cotton balls during that period. If it's dangerous, then of
course don't do it. But if there's a way to leave some kind of safe toy
safely in reach, it might head off some infant distress.

[Harold Buck]

In article >,
(Splanche) wrote:

> >Most people seem to say that it gets better when they can face
> >forward. I know that the carseats are safer when they face backward,
> >but what would be the tradeoff of turning them around earlier to see
> >whether that was what it was?
>
> Tradeoff might be a broken neck in a car accident.
> Rear facing for infants protects them better since their heads are
> disproportionately large to their bodies, and their necks are not strong, if
> memory serves me.


Our pediatrician told us that they're actually safer if kept rear-facing
for well over a year, and in Europe they keep them that way until two.
That being said, she told us that it was probably fine to turn our
one-year-old son around since he wasn't "floppy," that is, he was
walking well, was big, had a strong neck, etc.

--Harold Buck


"I used to rock and roll all night,
and party every day.
Then it was every other day. . . ."
-Homer J. Simpson

[Robyn Kozierok]

In article >,
David desJardins > wrote:
>Harold Buck writes:
>> If you're talking about the carrying handle of your infant car seat
>> (the kind with a detachable base), these handles should NOT be left in
>> the up position when driving. The handles can cause injuries in a
>> crash.
>
>Can you cite any published reference with actual data to back up this
>risk? I'm pretty skeptical of it. I do think the manufacturers
>recommend lowering the handle, but that's not the same as an actual
>risk. I have never seen any description of an actual injury related to
>this (but that doesn't mean it's not possible).
>

This isn't the level of data you're looking for, but
http://www.carseatsite.com/FAQ.htm says:

Does the handle need to be down on an infant seat?

Yes. You should always put the handle of an infant seat in the down
position while in the car. If there is not enough room to put the
handle down in your vehicle, rotate the handle down further toward the
floor. In a crash, the infant seat will rebound into the back seat.
If the handle is up, it could break and seriously injure the infant or
another passenger. The Britax Handle With Care is the only infant seat
with a reinforced handle that can be upright in the car.


I don't know if there is any data on actual or crash-test situations
in which this hypothetical danger has been realized.


--Robyn

[H Schinske]

wrote:

>Can you cite any published reference with actual data to back up this
>risk? I'm pretty skeptical of it. I do think the manufacturers
>recommend lowering the handle, but that's not the same as an actual
>risk.

On the seats we had, it wasn't much of a choice, if I'm remembering correctly
-- the infant seat DID NOT LOCK INTO THE BASE if the handle was left in the
carrying position. At least I'm pretty sure they worked like that.

--Helen

[Penny Gaines]

Robyn Kozierok wrote in >:
[snip]
> Does the handle need to be down on an infant seat?
>
> Yes. You should always put the handle of an infant seat in the down
> position while in the car. If there is not enough room to put the
> handle down in your vehicle, rotate the handle down further toward the
> floor. In a crash, the infant seat will rebound into the back seat.
> If the handle is up, it could break and seriously injure the infant or
> another passenger. The Britax Handle With Care is the only infant seat
> with a reinforced handle that can be upright in the car.

This advice probably varies with country. With the baby car seat we had,
you had to have the handle up, otherwise the seat belt would be in the
baby's face. Admittedly that was nine years ago, but when I checked on
UK websites just now, I could find no information about the correct
position of the carrying handle.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

[Rosalie B.]

x-no-archive:yes (Splanche) wrote:

>>Most people seem to say that it gets better when they can face
>>forward. I know that the carseats are safer when they face backward,
>>but what would be the tradeoff of turning them around earlier to see
>>whether that was what it was?
>
>Tradeoff might be a broken neck in a car accident.
>Rear facing for infants protects them better since their heads are
>disproportionately large to their bodies, and their necks are not strong, if
>memory serves me.

I didn't mean to keep it that way, but to see if he would scream less
if he was facing front just as an experiment. Unless you get into a
car accident every time you go out of course.

grandma Rosalie

[Splanche]

>I didn't mean to keep it that way, but to see if he would scream less
>if he was facing front just as an experiment. Unless you get into a
>car accident every time you go out of course.
>
>grandma Rosalie

No, I plan my accidents in advance, of course, to make sure that they don't
happen at an inopportune time. ;-)

[Robyn Kozierok]

In article >,
Rosalie B. > wrote:
>x-no-archive:yes (Splanche) wrote:
>
>>>Most people seem to say that it gets better when they can face
>>>forward. I know that the carseats are safer when they face backward,
>>>but what would be the tradeoff of turning them around earlier to see
>>>whether that was what it was?
>>
>>Tradeoff might be a broken neck in a car accident.
>>Rear facing for infants protects them better since their heads are
>>disproportionately large to their bodies, and their necks are not strong, if
>>memory serves me.
>
>I didn't mean to keep it that way, but to see if he would scream less
>if he was facing front just as an experiment. Unless you get into a
>car accident every time you go out of course.

I'm not sure what the point of such an experiment would be if you weren't
willing to keep it that way permanently. Knowing he would scream less "if
only" they could safely face him forward is not much comfort when they can't
safely face him forward.

--Robyn

[Rosalie B.]

x-no-archive:yes (Robyn Kozierok) wrote:

>In article >,
>Rosalie B. > wrote:
>>x-no-archive:yes (Splanche) wrote:
>>
>>>>Most people seem to say that it gets better when they can face
>>>>forward. I know that the carseats are safer when they face backward,
>>>>but what would be the tradeoff of turning them around earlier to see
>>>>whether that was what it was?
>>>
>>>Tradeoff might be a broken neck in a car accident.
>>>Rear facing for infants protects them better since their heads are
>>>disproportionately large to their bodies, and their necks are not strong, if
>>>memory serves me.
>>
>>I didn't mean to keep it that way, but to see if he would scream less
>>if he was facing front just as an experiment. Unless you get into a
>>car accident every time you go out of course.
>
>I'm not sure what the point of such an experiment would be if you weren't
>willing to keep it that way permanently. Knowing he would scream less "if
>only" they could safely face him forward is not much comfort when they can't
>safely face him forward.
>
The idea would be that they could think about ways to not take him out
until he was old enough to face forwards. I mean - someone stay home
with the kid and someone else go to the grocery store. Or walk. Or
have the groceries delivered. The only place you'd absolutely HAVE to
take him I would think would be the doctor.

And if that was NOT it, then maybe they should look carefully to see
what it might be. Otherwise there's maybe some totally safe way to
have him in the car seat and not having him scream, but no one has
taken the time to see what it is.

Some of my grandchildren have been in the car seat in the house.
Isn't that possible in this case? If he screams in the car seat when
it is not in the car, then it is the car seat itself, and not riding
backwards in the car. Riding frontwards won't help.

>--Robyn

grandma Rosalie