crying it out

[Mary Hewitt]

has anyone here let there baby cry it out at night? does it really
work, and what are any suggestions on the "right" way to do it...part of
me wants to do it to my 7 month old becuase he wakes up about 3 times a
night, and part of me cant bear to listen to him cry

[Mark Carroll]

In article >,
Mary Hewitt > wrote:
>has anyone here let there baby cry it out at night? does it really
>work, and what are any suggestions on the "right" way to do it...part of
>me wants to do it to my 7 month old becuase he wakes up about 3 times a
>night, and part of me cant bear to listen to him cry

A lot depends on why they're crying. Any clues as to what, if
anything, soothes him? Pity he can't really tell you what's wrong yet!

Our son used to cry himself to sleep, and our daughter rather likes to
be held, but we've been fairly lucky really in terms of babies only
crying about things we can fix.

-- Mark

[lynn]

In article >,
(Mary Hewitt) wrote:

> has anyone here let there baby cry it out at night? does it really
> work, and what are any suggestions on the "right" way to do it...part of
> me wants to do it to my 7 month old becuase he wakes up about 3 times a
> night, and part of me cant bear to listen to him cry
>

Well, it's not just "cry it out." The classic book on the subject is by
Dr. Ferber, called "Solve your child's sleep problems." There's a lot of
interesting information in there, and it's not just "cry it out." It's
more about sleep associations, and helping the baby learn to fall back
asleep on his own.

See if your local library has the book, and read it for yourself.

Here's a link with a good summary of Ferber, from
misc.kids.breastfeeding:
http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=JBUqb.330%24Re.259560%40newshog.news
read.com

- Lynn

[Donna]

"Mary Hewitt" > wrote in message
...
> has anyone here let there baby cry it out at night? does it really
> work, and what are any suggestions on the "right" way to do it...part of
> me wants to do it to my 7 month old becuase he wakes up about 3 times a
> night, and part of me cant bear to listen to him cry


I have had to let my (now) 13 month old daughter "cry it out" a number of
times this last year. Initially, when she was about six months old, my
husband and I decided to let her cry it out becuase she had developed a
nasty habit of wanting a bottle at 2:30 am every morning. No healthy 15
pound baby needs a bottle in the middle of the night. :) The very first
time was the worst. I did the controlled crying method, going in at 5, then
10, then 20, then 30 minutes to pat her on the back, tell her it's still
nigh-night time and that she needs to go back to sleep. She fell asleep
finally after yelling for 45 minutes. It was heartbreaking. I should never
have let my xanax prescription run out. :) My husband has been through
that once before, and he was fairly phlegmatic about the whole thing. The
second night she woke, and we went through the same routine, but she gave up
in about 20 minutes. Same for the third night, and then she started to
sleep through the night.

I periodically have to re-do this entire thing, after every ear infection or
trip to the grandparents. But it is SO much easier each subsequent time.
First off, it only lasts one night, secondly, she only cries for 10 minutes
or so, and thirdly, it's just something a mom has to do, and you get used to
knowing that the baby is mad, not suffering. I am trying to think of it
like innoculations - it's something that just has to be done, and that's
that.

Some tips:

1)If you are feeding the baby in the middle of the night now, start diluting
the milk/formula down. 1/2 strenghth one night, then 1/4, then mostly tap
water with a bit of milk. This might solve the problem. A lot of kids
aren't willing to wake up in the middle of the night just for WATER. :)

2) If that doesn't work, pick a three or four night period, and resign
yourself to a bit of angst. Remind yourself that a) the baby is mad, not
hurt. b) the crying will only make her tired, c) your parents undoubtedly
had to teach you to sleep, and you suffered no ill effects and d) in the
long run, an uninterrupted night's sleep is better for you, AND HER.

3) Don't take the baby out of the crib during this crying period - no
snuggles, no walks, just a soothing pat/rub, a reminder that it's still
night, and go back to your egg timer (personal recommendation: and
cocktail).

4) DO NOT BACK DOWN ONCE YOU'VE STARTED. If you give in on night two (or
one), you'll teach your smart little baby that persistent crying (hers) pays
off. Not the lesson you are trying to teach. :)

4) You'll have to do this at least a couple more times during your
daughter/son's infancy. But it will never be as hard as the first time.

Good luck. Tell me how it goes?

Donna (who just went through iteration 3 of "It's night time, sweetie, you
need to stay in bed" two nights ago.)
>

[H Schinske]

Donna wrote:

> Initially, when she was about six months old, my
>husband and I decided to let her cry it out becuase she had developed a
>nasty habit of wanting a bottle at 2:30 am every morning. No healthy 15
>pound baby needs a bottle in the middle of the night. :)

Well, you could argue about a six-month-old needing a night feeding or not, but
the weight has almost nothing to do with it. Many babies reach 15 pounds at far
younger ages.

Personally, I don't regard waking up, eating, and going cheerfully back to
sleep as any problem at all. Waking up screaming and unsoothable multiple times
a night, THAT'S a sleep problem.

--Helen

[Scott]

Donna wrote:
[snip excellent suggestions]
>
> 4) You'll have to do this at least a couple more times during your
> daughter/son's infancy. But it will never be as hard as the first time.

Yes. After every interruption to my DD/DS's routine, especially
illness/vacation, it always took a night or two for them to
remember that yes, it is okay to sleep through the night.


>
> Donna (who just went through iteration 3 of "It's night time, sweetie, you
> need to stay in bed" two nights ago.)

It doesn't end in infancy ;)

Scott DD 10.5 and DS 7.9

[Beth Kevles]

Hi -

We let our boys cry it out a couple of times when we needed to get them
to change their sleeping habits. Our older son needed it at about 10
months, when we needed him to go to sleep on his own. The first night
it took about 15 minutes, the second night 5 minutes, and that was it.
This gave us confidence to use the same method when he was older, and
for him it worked every time, and just as easily.

Our younger boy was a different story. We tried having him cry it out
several times, but with an appalling lack of success. So we gave it up
and tried other methods, such as:

- music to fall asleep by (cassette)
- no food until he'd been awake at least 30 minutes, so he wouldn't wake
from mild hunger pangs.
- no attending to him at night unless he was REALLY awake, not just
whimpering a bit.
- limiting the frequency and length of his naps
- Putting opaque shades on his windows so light wouldn't wake him up,
and a night light so there'd be less of a transition between night and
dawn, in terms of how light his room was.

For some kids, crying it out works and is pretty painless. FOr others
it's a total disaster.

Good luck,
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

[Donna]

"Scott" > wrote in message
...

> It doesn't end in infancy ;)
>
> Scott DD 10.5 and DS 7.9

Oh, damn.

:)

Donna

[Mary Hewitt]

thank you everyone for your advice...my boyfriend and i have decided to
go at this on monday, when i have a full five days off of work...ill let
you all know how it goes :-)

[Tig]

after how long of crying should i go and pick him up? my 2 month old will
not fall asleep in his playpen or crib... only in his carseat... and when i
transfer him over he cries and wakes up and wont go to sleep... for the
past week hes been sleeping in his car seat...


Mary Hewitt > wrote in message
...
> has anyone here let there baby cry it out at night? does it really
> work, and what are any suggestions on the "right" way to do it...part of
> me wants to do it to my 7 month old becuase he wakes up about 3 times a
> night, and part of me cant bear to listen to him cry
>

[Elizabeth Reid]

"Tig" > wrote in message >...
> after how long of crying should i go and pick him up? my 2 month old will
> not fall asleep in his playpen or crib... only in his carseat... and when i
> transfer him over he cries and wakes up and wont go to sleep... for the
> past week hes been sleeping in his car seat...

Two months is too little to do any kind of cry-it-out method.
The general recommendation is no sooner than six months. When
a baby that little cries, someone should pick him up.

Personally, I'd let him sleep in his car seat, but I gather
that there's some worry now that sleeping in car seats can
lead to poorer breathing. I assume it's the 'baby bucket'
kind of car seat? It seems like the two things that are
different about the car seat are a) it's probably at an
angle and b) it's probably more enclosing than the crib.
You might try propping his crib mattress at a slight angle,
and have you tried swaddling him? My son slept swaddled
until he was pretty big, at least five months old, and it
helped a lot.

Anyway, though, hard as it is, he needs you to respond when
he cries at this stage of his life.

Beth

[Donna]

"Tig" > wrote in message
...
> after how long of crying should i go and pick him up? my 2 month old will
> not fall asleep in his playpen or crib... only in his carseat... and when
i
> transfer him over he cries and wakes up and wont go to sleep... for the
> past week hes been sleeping in his car seat...

Two months is too early for crying it out. Until about four months old, if
they are crying, they need you, so go fix whatever is wrong. :)

Hang in there. Just a few more months of this.

Donna

[Scott]

Donna wrote:
> "Tig" > wrote in message
> ...
>
>>after how long of crying should i go and pick him up? my 2 month old will
>>not fall asleep in his playpen or crib... only in his carseat... and when
>
> i
>
>>transfer him over he cries and wakes up and wont go to sleep... for the
>>past week hes been sleeping in his car seat...
>
>
> Two months is too early for crying it out. Until about four months old, if
> they are crying, they need you, so go fix whatever is wrong. :)
>
> Hang in there. Just a few more months of this.

My kids cried at 2 months for no apparent reason, other than
to let off steam. Or maybe that was at 4 months? Long time
ago. It's not always possible to fix whatever is wrong [I
find this true with pre-teens as well ;) ] If they are dry,
fed, not apparently gassy or being poked by clothing tags,
MHO is that crying isn't gonna cause them any harm.

Scott DD 10.5 and DS 7.9