getting a 4 year old to sleep early

[Don]

My wife and I have a 4 year old girl that will not go to bed early.
Finally, my wife and I have to put her in bed with us even though she
fights us and says she is not sleepy. At 9:00 we all lay in my wife
and I's bed and latter at night pick my daughter up and put her in her
bed.

Is there any way to get her to go to sleep earlier and on her own?
Especially maybe so my wife and I can be alone together before we go
to bed.

[Beth Kevles]

Hi -

If she's staying up late, maybe she's really not tired?

Does your daughter still nap during the day? If she does, consider
either limiting the length of her nap, napping only on alternate days,
or eliminating nap altogether in favor of "quiet time" (where she
engages in a quiet activity, such as reading or watching a video) by
herself.

Does she get enough exercise? Especially outdoor exercise? Our sons
still don't fall asleep easily if they haven't run around enough. And
running around outdoors seems to be much more tiring than doing the same
indoors. If your child doesn't run around enough naturally, consider
signing her up for a class that will give her a good workout. Our kids
both started tae kwon do at age 4 1/2, and they both sleep BEAUTIFULLY
on TKD nights. But anything very active will do.

Look at her diet. Is she eating something for dinner that's giving her
an energy rush? We can't let our kids eat chocolate at night, or
anything with MSG or caffeine, as it will keep them awake late. On the
other hand, carbs, like pasta, make them sleepy.

If, on the other hand, the problem is that she's sleepy but keeps
herself awake, then you've got a parenting issue. To solve this one we:

1. Are VERY firm. Children who get out of bed after lights out, for
any reason other than a quick trip to the bathroom, are in trouble.
2. Have an evening ritual of dinner, bath, read aloud, trip to the
dreamstore (to pick out a good dream, and I pick ones that will give
them something to think about while dozing off), then lights out.
Your evening ritual may vary.

If you tell your daughter that she needs a good sleep to have a good
tomorrow, and then are VERY firm and consistent, even if she cries and
screams and runs back out of the bedroom, I bet that within a week
she'll become accustomed to the new routine and start going to sleep
when and where she should.

DO NOT backslide! If you give in ** even once ** then she'll keep
testing the limits about bedtime! She's old enough now that crying and
screaming, or complaining and whining, are manipulative behaviors. It's
GOOD that she's learning to manipulate; it's part of developing her
understanding of how much control she has over her world. BUt you need
to be aware of when she's doing it, and consistent in areas where you
don't want her manpipulating you. And apparently bedtime is one of
those areas.

I hope this all makes sense.
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

[just me]

"Don" > wrote in message
m...
> My wife and I have a 4 year old girl that will not go to bed early.
> Finally, my wife and I have to put her in bed with us even though she
> fights us and says she is not sleepy. At 9:00 we all lay in my wife
> and I's bed and latter at night pick my daughter up and put her in her
> bed.
>
> Is there any way to get her to go to sleep earlier and on her own?
> Especially maybe so my wife and I can be alone together before we go
> to bed.
>
>

Beth gave you marvelous advice and information. Let me just add that some
children, who are not napping, who are getting up at a reasonable hour in
the morning well rested, do not need to go to sleep as early as other
children of similar age. My DS, my darling DS, is one of those children.
>From a very young age he was a night owl, which resulted in me finding
usenet! After naps were deleted he continued to sleep from about 10 pm to 6
or 6:30 a.m. and have lots of energy throughout the day without lagging from
lack of sleep. I finally decided that it was *my* desire to have him in bed
that was the issue, not his failure to be asleep at 8 pm. So, i rephrased
the whole thing. He gets ready for bed beginning at 8:30 and must be in/on
bed at 9. I allow reading in bed or another quite on the bed activity until
about 9:30, then go in and finish our bedtime routine with prayers and
goodnight hugs. He is soon asleep afterwards, and up at 6 am, bright eyed
and bushy tailed. I've been doing that since he was about 4, with some
variations when husband worked nights. So, unless you have a clear problem
with a tired cranky child in the day time or a child who can't get going in
the a.m., why not consider that maybe your child is not one who needs to go
to sleep early in the evenings?

-Aula

[Cheryl]

On Thu, 29 Jan 2004 08:40:14 EST, (Don)
wrote:

>My wife and I have a 4 year old girl that will not go to bed early.
>Finally, my wife and I have to put her in bed with us even though she
>fights us and says she is not sleepy. At 9:00 we all lay in my wife
>and I's bed and latter at night pick my daughter up and put her in her
>bed.
>
>Is there any way to get her to go to sleep earlier and on her own?
>Especially maybe so my wife and I can be alone together before we go
>to bed.

One of my tactics to get my children to sleep when I can see that they
are tired even though they deny it is to watch them go to sleep. I
tell them to lie in bed with their eyes shut and no fidgeting, then
just sit there and watch them for a while. If they are lying still
for long enough with their eyes shut and they are tired my boys
usually can't avoid falling asleep within about 10 minutes. It's a
lot less stressful on me than some of the other evenings when they
play around for literally hours so I'm happier spending 15 minutes
sitting in a quiet room than listening to them carry on for 2 or 3
hours after they go to bed.


--
Cheryl
Mum to DS#1 (11 Mar 99), DS#2 (4 Oct 00)
and DD (30 Jul 02)

[Jeff]

"Don" > wrote in message
m...
> Xref: news-g.iadfw.net misc.kids.moderated:26117
>
> My wife and I have a 4 year old girl that will not go to bed early.
> Finally, my wife and I have to put her in bed with us even though she
> fights us and says she is not sleepy. At 9:00 we all lay in my wife
> and I's bed and latter at night pick my daughter up and put her in her
> bed.
>
> Is there any way to get her to go to sleep earlier and on her own?
> Especially maybe so my wife and I can be alone together before we go
> to bed.
>

One of the things you can do is have your daughter go to her room to get
changed for bed. While she is there, ring some bells & through a few balls
on the roof. Then tell her that if she doesn't go right to sleep, Santa
won't leave any gifts. Alas, this works but once night a year.

Jeff