Single Dad in Oz

[SiD]

Hi folks,

I am a single full time single dad with an 8yo son. I am also unpartnered.

It's a lot of work - obviously - but the biggest problem is the stigma
associated with it. Single mums seem to have recognition but I have a lot of
strange suspicious looks when I ask if my son's school friends can come over
after school. The other children are keen but most of the time it's not on.
Mum's seem to look at me as if I am someone who they don't want their
children to be around. Why? I am a decent human. This attitude makes it so
hard to ask again and my son is the one who misses out.

I have been doing this for over 6 years and I have not been able to find any
other men in the same situation as me and it drives me crazy not to be able
to talk about how it feels to someone who could really understand.

My son's mum is no help at all as she is not mentally able. My son has no
interest in her and no longer wants to vist her even though I have tried to
encourage his relationship with her over the years.

I would like to know what are your thoughts.

SiD

[xkatx]

"SiD" > wrote in message
...
> Hi folks,

Hello, and welcome from Alberta, Canada!

> I am a single full time single dad with an 8yo son. I am also unpartnered.

Most of us are single parents. ;) I have 2 boys, 4 and 5 years old, and my
youngest lives with me. I'm not really single at all, and we're expecting a
baby girl in the summer.

> It's a lot of work - obviously - but the biggest problem is the stigma
> associated with it. Single mums seem to have recognition but I have a lot
> of strange suspicious looks when I ask if my son's school friends can come
> over after school. The other children are keen but most of the time it's
> not on. Mum's seem to look at me as if I am someone who they don't want
> their children to be around. Why? I am a decent human. This attitude makes
> it so hard to ask again and my son is the one who misses out.

Ahh... It's not supposed to be easy, is it? Kids are a lot of work, no
matter who you are, I've noticed. My 2¢ on the issue you have with your son
is...
Well, your son is at the age where he should be hanging out and playing with
school friends. Does he go to friends' house after school at all? If I
were in your situation, I would definitely encourage his friends, obviously.
If your son goes to friends' house, maybe when you drop him off/pick him up,
stay and chat with the other kid's parent(s) and get to know them. Maybe
get to know the other parent(s) and while you invite your son's friend over,
let that child's parent know that you'd like to maybe get to know them as
well, since it appears that your son and their child seem to have taken a
liking to eachother and are friends.
Have them come in for a coffee/tea/juice/whatever and just chat. It's hard
sometimes, but there's been times in everyone's life, be it a single parent
(mom or dad) and just any person in general, that people have judged too
soon. By what you've said, it seems like you are already being judged
because you are a single dad to your son.

> I have been doing this for over 6 years and I have not been able to find
> any other men in the same situation as me and it drives me crazy not to be
> able to talk about how it feels to someone who could really understand.

Well, there's lots of single dads, believe it or not. There's definitely
more single moms, but yes, there are other dads as well. Do you have any
resources close to home? A support group maybe for single parents or
specifically for single dads? There are single dads here in ASS-p, but as
far as locations go, everyone's pretty much spread over every different
country and time zone.
Check your newspapers or community news letters. You never know what you
might find. There might be support groups designed for single fathers. If
all else fails, there's always here for venting, bragging, talking, reading,
advice, information, suggestions, etc., and even though it's not the same as
actually having someone right there beside you who can relate, it might help
at times when you just don't know where else to go and might not even have
anywhere else to turn.

> My son's mum is no help at all as she is not mentally able. My son has no
> interest in her and no longer wants to vist her even though I have tried
> to encourage his relationship with her over the years.

It happens. The best you can do is let your son make his own decisions.
He's at the age where you think you know what's best for him, but he might
think differently. All I can suggest here is support how he feels. Don't
ever badmouth her, even if he does. She still is his mother, and if you or
he likes it or not, that's the way it is. Perhaps in time his mind will
change. Perhaps it won't. Don't ever talk down about her, because, in a
way, that's like talking down your son, even though you've given no reason
to believe you have, it's just something to maybe think about.

> I would like to know what are your thoughts.

You're in a tough situation. We've all been in situations similar, or even
different.
I found a link on google that you could maybe check out and see if anything
applies to you. Maybe there's a link for something close to home or
something that might help you at all.
http://www.community.gov.au/Internet/MFMC/community.nsf/pages/section?opendocument&Section=Single%20Parenting
Even if nothing directly applies to you, maybe there's a contact number for
something similar to your interests and needs and if you call, perhaps
someone can offer advice or recommend you to call a different number. You
never know. It could be worth a shot, and the worst that could happen is
you find absolutely nothing, which I'm doubting, and are just in the same
position you are in right now.

> SiD

Best of luck with it, and welcome. We don't bite (hard) and if we do,
there's usually no skin broken or blood. Hopefully you could find here a
bit helpful at times, and offer advice of your own from your own
experiences!

~Kat

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

[CME]

"SiD" > wrote in message
...
> Hi folks,
>
> I am a single full time single dad with an 8yo son. I am also unpartnered.
>
> It's a lot of work - obviously - but the biggest problem is the stigma
> associated with it. Single mums seem to have recognition but I have a lot
> of strange suspicious looks when I ask if my son's school friends can come
> over after school. The other children are keen but most of the time it's
> not on. Mum's seem to look at me as if I am someone who they don't want
> their children to be around. Why? I am a decent human. This attitude makes
> it so hard to ask again and my son is the one who misses out.
>
> I have been doing this for over 6 years and I have not been able to find
> any other men in the same situation as me and it drives me crazy not to be
> able to talk about how it feels to someone who could really understand.
>
> My son's mum is no help at all as she is not mentally able. My son has no
> interest in her and no longer wants to vist her even though I have tried
> to encourage his relationship with her over the years.
>
> I would like to know what are your thoughts.
>
> SiD
>

Another welcome from Alberta, Canada. Where are you from in Australia?
Reason I ask is because I have a few friends in Oz who are single Moms and
they might have some insight.

Christine
(Single mom of 9 year old twin boys)

[P. Fritz]

"SiD" > wrote in message
...
> Hi folks,
>
> I am a single full time single dad with an 8yo son. I am also
unpartnered.
>
> It's a lot of work - obviously - but the biggest problem is the stigma
> associated with it. Single mums seem to have recognition but I have a
lot of
> strange suspicious looks when I ask if my son's school friends can come
over
> after school. The other children are keen but most of the time it's not
on.
> Mum's seem to look at me as if I am someone who they don't want their
> children to be around. Why? I am a decent human. This attitude makes it
so
> hard to ask again and my son is the one who misses out.

You think it is bad with a son......try a daughter, :-)

>
> I have been doing this for over 6 years and I have not been able to find
any
> other men in the same situation as me and it drives me crazy not to be
able
> to talk about how it feels to someone who could really understand.
>
> My son's mum is no help at all as she is not mentally able. My son has
no
> interest in her and no longer wants to vist her even though I have tried
to
> encourage his relationship with her over the years.
>
> I would like to know what are your thoughts.

Count your blessing, and keep encouraging him to have a relationship with
his mother......the key word being 'encourage' it is not something you can
force.


>
> SiD
>
>
>
>