Teacher asks child to repeat kindergarten, Please help [Archive]

Galbo

March 11th 04, 10:44 PM

Hi,

My child is going to kindergarten in Cobb county , Georgia USA.

I have a feeling that the teacher is going to ask or recommend us to
get the kindergraten repeated.
Can anyone tell me whether its upto the teacher only or Parents have a
say whether your kids go to 1st grade or not.

My observation is that teacher is not very friendly with the kids and
that is pritty much what my child thinks but has never complained for
the teacher.

She turned 5 yrs, 2 weeks before cut off date which is September here
in Georgia.
Teacher informed us that she is having lots of problems moving from
one task to another but she is young.
I dont see any benefit of repeating the kindergarten for social skills
which i think she will pick up anyway as she grows.

At this late stage of kindergarten i dont see any point requesting
change of class. Even otherwise, the teacher is expecting lot of work
done in the class compared to other kindergarten clases which is a
good thing.

We switched school and in the previous school we were told that she is
ready for 1st grade just after few months in the school.
She is always excited to go to school and i think she is pritty well
mixed up with the kids.
And she seems quite upset when i told her that you might have to stay
in kindergarten, I have a feeling it will have only negative impact if
she repeats kindergarten and all the kids in her class move to 1st
grade.

I have seen she is doing quite well in the reading,math etc and i have
stopped teaching more advance things thinking it will put too much
pressure on her when its not really needed for KG or even 1st grade
curriculum.

Please give your opinion...

Thanks
galbo

toypup

March 12th 04, 10:27 AM

"Galbo" > wrote in message
om...
> I have a feeling that the teacher is going to ask or recommend us to
> get the kindergraten repeated.
> Can anyone tell me whether its upto the teacher only or Parents have a
> say whether your kids go to 1st grade or not.
>
> My observation is that teacher is not very friendly with the kids and
> that is pritty much what my child thinks but has never complained for
> the teacher.

It's been a long time, so this may not apply. My teacher recommended I
repeat kindergarten. I would have to say, of the many teachers I've had
over the years, she is the only one I would qualify as racist. I never told
my parents what she would do to me in class, but maybe they sensed it. My
dad did not take her recommendation and I did just fine in elementary
school, often the top of my class. Ask her the reasons she thinks your
daughter should repeat and judge for yourself.

Kevin Karplus

March 12th 04, 10:28 AM

In article >,
Galbo wrote:
> My child is going to kindergarten in Cobb county , Georgia USA.
>
> I have a feeling that the teacher is going to ask or recommend us to
> get the kindergraten repeated.
> Can anyone tell me whether its upto the teacher only or Parents have a
> say whether your kids go to 1st grade or not.
>
> My observation is that teacher is not very friendly with the kids and
> that is pritty much what my child thinks but has never complained for
> the teacher.
>
>
> She turned 5 yrs, 2 weeks before cut off date which is September here
> in Georgia.
> Teacher informed us that she is having lots of problems moving from
> one task to another but she is young.
> I dont see any benefit of repeating the kindergarten for social skills
> which i think she will pick up anyway as she grows.
>
> At this late stage of kindergarten i dont see any point requesting
> change of class. Even otherwise, the teacher is expecting lot of work
> done in the class compared to other kindergarten clases which is a
> good thing.
>
> We switched school and in the previous school we were told that she is
> ready for 1st grade just after few months in the school.
> She is always excited to go to school and i think she is pritty well
> mixed up with the kids.
> And she seems quite upset when i told her that you might have to stay
> in kindergarten, I have a feeling it will have only negative impact if
> she repeats kindergarten and all the kids in her class move to 1st
> grade.
>
> I have seen she is doing quite well in the reading,math etc and i have
> stopped teaching more advance things thinking it will put too much
> pressure on her when its not really needed for KG or even 1st grade
> curriculum.

I don't think that there is enough information in this message to give
an informed opinion about whether your daughter is ready for first
grade or not. You might want to ask the teacher point-blank for an
assessment of her readiness for first-grade. If she tells you that
your daughter should repeat kindergarten, you should go to the
principal and ask for an independent assessment.

If I were you, I would NOT stop teaching at home. In many cases, the
stuff kids learn at home is essential, as the schools fall down on one
thing or another. (Around here , they seem to fall down on science
education---almost all the kids I've met through science fairs and
such have gotten their science education from their parents, not from
the schools.)

If there are specific skills that your daughter lacks (or which the
teacher perceives your daughter lacks---not quite the same thing), you
could work on those skills with your daughter. For example, if it is
sitting still, or remaining focused on a task, or using scissors, or
holding a pencil, or raising her hand to ask a question, or counting,
or recognizing letters and sight words, then you could make up games
or activities at home that would develop that skill. Find out from
the teacher what skills she feels your daughter needs most, and work
on them. If the teacher has certain pet peeves, you can often turn
her whole attitude around by addressing one or two minor aspects of
your child's behavior.

--
Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus
life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels)
Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed)
Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz
Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics
Affiliations for identification only.

Ann Porter

March 12th 04, 10:28 AM

"Galbo" > wrote in message
om...

> I have a feeling that the teacher is going to ask or recommend us to
> get the kindergraten repeated.
> Can anyone tell me whether its upto the teacher only or Parents have a
> say whether your kids go to 1st grade or not.

<snip>

> Please give your opinion...

Retention is usually not considered if the child is working up to grade. I
think before you waste another single minute worrying about this, you should
ask the teacher if s/he is actually considering retention. If your child is
doing well with reading, spelling, etc., then why would s/he?

Best,
Ann

Donna Metler

March 12th 04, 10:28 AM

"Galbo" > wrote in message
om...
> Hi,
>
> My child is going to kindergarten in Cobb county , Georgia USA.
>
> I have a feeling that the teacher is going to ask or recommend us to
> get the kindergraten repeated.
> Can anyone tell me whether its upto the teacher only or Parents have a
> say whether your kids go to 1st grade or not.
>
.....
In my district, until 3rd grade it is totally the parent's decision. The
school can recommend, but the parent has the choice.

> Thanks
> galbo
>

Peggy Tatyana

March 12th 04, 06:41 PM

My daughter was born two weeks after the cut-off date, so we waited until
she was almost six to put her in kindergarten. That was fine, but in first
grade she was very bored, so we moved her to a second grade class, where she
did just fine, and has ever since.

"Kevin Karplus" > wrote

> If I were you, I would NOT stop teaching at home. In many cases, the
> stuff kids learn at home is essential, as the schools fall down on one
> thing or another. (Around here , they seem to fall down on science
> education---almost all the kids I've met through science fairs and
> such have gotten their science education from their parents, not from
> the schools.)

I'd agree with what Kevin has said here. If both you and she enjoy the
learning you do together, then by all means continue. I remember my mother
was scolded, when I was young, by a schoolteacher who said I would be a
nusiance to my teachers for having learned to read before I went to school.
But I hadn't learned to read at all -- I had only memorized a fair number of
books.

I'd also go along with the advice to speak to the teacher directly about
this. About a quarter of the school year remains, and that's probably enough
time to work on any weaknesses she thinks are important. From what you've
said, it would seem better to me if your daughter weren't retained for
another year.

Peggy

--
WWSD ***** What Would Samwise Do?

Barbara

March 12th 04, 06:43 PM

> In article >,
> Galbo wrote:
> > My child is going to kindergarten in Cobb county , Georgia USA.
> > I have a feeling that the teacher is going to ask or recommend us to
> > get the kindergraten repeated.
> > Can anyone tell me whether its upto the teacher only or Parents have a
> > say whether your kids go to 1st grade or not.
> > SNIP
> > Teacher informed us that she is having lots of problems moving from
> > one task to another but she is young.
> > I dont see any benefit of repeating the kindergarten for social skills
> > which i think she will pick up anyway as she grows.
>SNIP
> > And she seems quite upset when i told her that you might have to stay
> > in kindergarten, I have a feeling it will have only negative impact if
> > she repeats kindergarten and all the kids in her class move to 1st
> > grade.
SNIP

IMHO, its premature to talk to your daughter about staying in
kindergarten until such time as the school talks to you, and a
decision is made.

Why not approach the teacher and the school about this? I don't think
I'd ask flat out if they are considering asking that she be held back
(which IMHO would suggest to them that you think its a viable option)
but, instead, talk about her progress and what skills, if any, they
think that you should work on over the summer to get her ready for
first grade.

If there is a suggestion that your daughter stay in kindergarten, you
should definitely ask to sit down with the teacher, principal and
anyone else who was involved in the recommendation to find out why
they are making the recommendation and how they believe that it would
benefit your daughter. Find out what accomodations would be made for
her as a more advanced kindergartener. Ask about what percentage of
kids born at her time of year are held back, and what percentage this
teacher holds back (providing additional information to you about
whether this was an individual decision based on your child vs. knee
jerk she's-young-hold-her-back). Find out what your rights are.
Withhold your own judgment until they present all of the information
to you. Its entirely possible that the school will provide some
information or insight that you did not know about.

If there are social issues, I do urge you to give them more
consideration than *she'll pick that up* I myself was a younger
kindergartener, and my parents asked that I be held back for social
reasons; the school refused. While I was consistently the most
advanced student intellectually, school life was social hell; I was
simply at the social and maturity level of the younger kids, and was
never able to catch up or cope. That's obviously not a universal
truth. You have to look at your daughter, and think about to whom she
would relate best.

We know any number of children who attended kindergarten or started a
year late for a plethora of reasons (including the fact that public
and private school deadlines differ here, so many fall babies attend
public K one year, and private the next, both times in the "right"
grade). When presented positively by the parents, none seem to suffer
ill effects.

Best of luck.

Barbara

Mary Gordon

March 12th 04, 06:45 PM

Here in Toronto, the cutoff for age is as of Dec 31, so my middle
child, born on December 25th, was the youngest in his class when he
started in kindergarten (a 2 year program here, for 4 and 5 year olds,
which mean he was 3 and 4 years old respectively starting off the
school year in September). He has always been extremely young for his
age and poorly coordinated and on top of that, had a learning
disability that resulted in some behavioural challenges (he has a
non-verbal learning disability, and has all kinds of over the top
reactions to sensory stuff).

He finished two years of kindergarten and was not ready for grade 1,
but the school thought it would be better for him to be in a more
structured all day program rather than another year in kindergarten.
He started getting a lot of extra help, but it was clear by Christmas
that he was in trouble (i.e. here the grade 2 curriculum is a quantum
leap from grade 1, and there was no way he could have coped). So, we
had him stay in Grade 1 for another year, and he continued to get
intensive help with reading etc.

The school was somewhat stunned that we wanted him held back, but
quite honestly, it was absolutely the right thing to do for this
particular child. It was invisible to his peers because our small
school has many split grades, and he was so young, so there was no
stigma. It was the only time it could have been done so invisibly. He
got another year to mature, and arrived in Grade 2 really ready. He
still gets some limited extra help, but he's in Grade 4 now, and
holding his own very well - and I heart and soul think he would have
been in big, big trouble without the gift of that extra year to catch
up developmentally.

I'm not saying this is your son's situation, but sometimes kids really
AREN'T ready and personally I think being pushed ahead when they are
still so young without the skill base and the maturity there can
result in a lot of emotional issues, and the kid getting the idea he's
a failure or stupid (i.e. the kid gets stressed, depressed, starts
acting out, hates school, doesn't want to try etc.).

I think you should have an open minded talk with the teacher about
your son's situation, and involve other educational professionals as
appropriate (i.e. have him assessed by someone else, if you don't
trust this particular teacher).

Mary G.

LFortier

March 12th 04, 07:40 PM

Galbo wrote:

>
> She turned 5 yrs, 2 weeks before cut off date which is September here
> in Georgia.
> Teacher informed us that she is having lots of problems moving from
> one task to another but she is young.
> I dont see any benefit of repeating the kindergarten for social skills
> which i think she will pick up anyway as she grows.

Depends on what you mean by social. I tend to think that
the whole "maturity" thing can be a bit overblown, and yes,
children will grow, but 1st grade is very different from
kindergarten, in my experience. Much more academic, higher
expectations of self control, etc. Could it be that her
problems with transitions are such that she would have
trouble in the more structured environment that she is
likely to find in 1st grade?

And whether it's entirely teacher decision or parent input
will depend on your state or county.

Lesley

Herman Rubin

March 12th 04, 08:58 PM

In article <NN74c.10144$i76.153861@attbi_s03>,
toypup > wrote:

>"Galbo" > wrote in message
om...
>> I have a feeling that the teacher is going to ask or recommend us to
>> get the kindergraten repeated.
>> Can anyone tell me whether its upto the teacher only or Parents have a
>> say whether your kids go to 1st grade or not.

>> My observation is that teacher is not very friendly with the kids and
>> that is pritty much what my child thinks but has never complained for
>> the teacher.

>It's been a long time, so this may not apply. My teacher recommended I
>repeat kindergarten. I would have to say, of the many teachers I've had
>over the years, she is the only one I would qualify as racist. I never told
>my parents what she would do to me in class, but maybe they sensed it. My
>dad did not take her recommendation and I did just fine in elementary
>school, often the top of my class. Ask her the reasons she thinks your
>daughter should repeat and judge for yourself.

Unless the reason is lack of mental ability, there is NO
reason not to go on. School should be for learning, not
for socializing.

--
This address is for information only. I do not claim that these views
are those of the Statistics Department or of Purdue University.
Herman Rubin, Department of Statistics, Purdue University
Phone: (765)494-6054 FAX: (765)494-0558

H Schinske

March 12th 04, 11:51 PM

wrote:

>I myself was a younger
>kindergartener, and my parents asked that I be held back for social
>reasons; the school refused. While I was consistently the most
>advanced student intellectually, school life was social hell; I was
>simply at the social and maturity level of the younger kids, and was
>never able to catch up or cope.

I can say that I was on the other end of things, and it wasn't any better. I
was the oldest in the class as well as being intellectually advanced (I was
reading before four and entered kindergarten at almost six), and being older
simply made me that much *more* out of synch, socially. The point is to find
where the child's *real* peers are, because it's very hard to learn to
socialize with children who are at a different stage from you, whichever way it
is. I started to get along much better as soon as I was put with kids with whom
I had more in common. I don't think it was a coincidence that my two best
friends in high school were both in the grade ahead of me -- but a month
younger.

--Helen

Rosalie B.

March 12th 04, 11:53 PM

x-no-archive:yes

(Herman Rubin) wrote:

>In article <NN74c.10144$i76.153861@attbi_s03>,
>toypup > wrote:
>
>>"Galbo" > wrote in message
om...
>>> I have a feeling that the teacher is going to ask or recommend us to
>>> get the kindergraten repeated.
>>> Can anyone tell me whether its upto the teacher only or Parents have a
>>> say whether your kids go to 1st grade or not.
>
>>> My observation is that teacher is not very friendly with the kids and
>>> that is pritty much what my child thinks but has never complained for
>>> the teacher.
>
>>It's been a long time, so this may not apply. My teacher recommended I
>>repeat kindergarten. I would have to say, of the many teachers I've had
>>over the years, she is the only one I would qualify as racist. I never told
>>my parents what she would do to me in class, but maybe they sensed it. My
>>dad did not take her recommendation and I did just fine in elementary
>>school, often the top of my class. Ask her the reasons she thinks your
>>daughter should repeat and judge for yourself.
>
>Unless the reason is lack of mental ability, there is NO
>reason not to go on. School should be for learning, not
>for socializing.

Wrong answer. There are often perfectly good reasons not to go on and
some of them are social.

My dd#1's third child was born just a few days before the cut-off for
kindergarten. (Cutoff was 1 Sept and he was born 26 August.) She was
going to keep him in private school kindergarten another year. Not
because he wasn't smart enough, but because he was quite drifty and
neither she nor his teachers thought he was ready to sit down and do
first grade work.

However, she moved to England, and there he was in the position of
having by law to be in 2nd grade at his age. Since he hadn't had 1st
grade yet, the private parochial school that they sent him to allowed
him to take that first - as it would have been silly to require him to
go into 2nd grade without having been to 1st grade yet. He proceeded
through the first three grades but his scores were exempted from the
testing that they did as he was a year older.

At the end of third grade, he moved bck to the states, and his mom has
had him repeat 3rd grade. Mostly this is to allow him to get some
more maturity - he's still quite young for his age. But it is also to
allow him to catch up to the things that are taught in the first three
years as a matter of course in US schools that are not taught in GB.
(Like they learn about the kings of England and Guy Fawkes instead of
about the Pilgrims and Abe Lincoln).

grandma Rosalie

Bob LeChevalier

March 12th 04, 11:53 PM

(Herman Rubin) wrote:
>In article <NN74c.10144$i76.153861@attbi_s03>,
>toypup > wrote:
>>"Galbo" > wrote in message
om...
>>> I have a feeling that the teacher is going to ask or recommend us to
>>> get the kindergraten repeated.
>>> Can anyone tell me whether its upto the teacher only or Parents have a
>>> say whether your kids go to 1st grade or not.
>
>>> My observation is that teacher is not very friendly with the kids and
>>> that is pritty much what my child thinks but has never complained for
>>> the teacher.
>
>>It's been a long time, so this may not apply. My teacher recommended I
>>repeat kindergarten. I would have to say, of the many teachers I've had
>>over the years, she is the only one I would qualify as racist. I never told
>>my parents what she would do to me in class, but maybe they sensed it. My
>>dad did not take her recommendation and I did just fine in elementary
>>school, often the top of my class. Ask her the reasons she thinks your
>>daughter should repeat and judge for yourself.
>
>Unless the reason is lack of mental ability, there is NO
>reason not to go on. School should be for learning, not
>for socializing.

Usually the kindergarten to first grade transition keys much more on
such things as a certain level of fine motor control, so that they can
handle 1st grade writing, the ability to stick to a task for a minimum
amount of time with the high level of distractions that exist in the
classroom, and the maturity to be away from mommy for a full day
without breaking down emotionally. Socialization may enter into it,
if it is reflected in disruptive behavior.

lojbab
--
lojbab
Bob LeChevalier, Founder, The Logical Language Group
(Opinions are my own; I do not speak for the organization.)
Artificial language Loglan/Lojban: http://www.lojban.org

Galbo

March 13th 04, 03:53 AM

Thanks for all the quick response.

Teacher mentioned that our kid is having difficulty in moving from
task to task without teacher assistance.

Based on following rules in our county , it seems to me that parents
will not have a big say in deciding whether to hold the child or not.
Teachers in the previous two schools (Pre-K and school before
transfer) rated her the best in the class. Based on that plus her
reading,writing,math skills i dont see any need of holding her in KG.

According to the county school district rules -

[Social-emotional or physical development should not be used as the
sole criteria for retention or placement.

Placement decisions will be made on an individual basis. If a student
is retained in Kindergarten, written documentation of evidence
supporting the decision will be on file in the student's permanent
record.

Every effort should be made to consult with the child's parent(s) or
guardian(s) about the placement; however, the school principal will
have the final authority for placement decisions. The student's
parent(s) or guardian(s) will be notified of the final placement
decision.]

Thanks again

Jeff

March 13th 04, 02:23 PM

"Galbo" > wrote in message
om...
> Hi,
>
> My child is going to kindergarten in Cobb county , Georgia USA.
>
> I have a feeling that the teacher is going to ask or recommend us to
> get the kindergraten repeated.

I think that "I have a feeling" is not good enough. You really need to
communicate with the teacher and the principal. I would try to set up a
meeting with the teacher as soon as possible.

> Can anyone tell me whether its upto the teacher only or Parents have a
> say whether your kids go to 1st grade or not.

It is not whether you have a say or not that is most important. It is, given
your daughters' level of maturity and rediness for first grade and the
available resources at hand (teachers, school funding, etc.), what is the
best place for your daughter to be next year?

> My observation is that teacher is not very friendly with the kids and
> that is pritty much what my child thinks but has never complained for
> the teacher.
>

It sounds like you might want to talk more with your daughter about how she
feels about the teacher. I can't tell whether you have talked with your
daughter about this or not (from the context below, I suspect you did).

>
> She turned 5 yrs, 2 weeks before cut off date which is September here
> in Georgia.
> Teacher informed us that she is having lots of problems moving from
> one task to another but she is young.
> I dont see any benefit of repeating the kindergarten for social skills
> which i think she will pick up anyway as she grows.

Again, I would work with the teacher with this. If she is having problems
with social skills, perhaps working together you can help her get ready for
first grade, regardless of whether it is this fall or next.

> At this late stage of kindergarten i dont see any point requesting
> change of class. Even otherwise, the teacher is expecting lot of work
> done in the class compared to other kindergarten clases which is a
> good thing.
>
> We switched school and in the previous school we were told that she is
> ready for 1st grade just after few months in the school.
> She is always excited to go to school and i think she is pritty well
> mixed up with the kids.
> And she seems quite upset when i told her that you might have to stay
> in kindergarten, I have a feeling it will have only negative impact if
> she repeats kindergarten and all the kids in her class move to 1st
> grade.

Apparently, you are getting two different stories from different sets of
educators. It could be that they have different expectations, the present
teachers were able to see your daughter more frequently and able to make a
better assessment of the situation or something has changed.

I am wondering if what changed is that you recently moved, and the problems
that your daughter was experiencing is more related to changes and stresses
that come with moving. If this is the case, your daughter should be doing
better socially as time goes by. She might also have been distracted for a
while after the move, which could have affected her ability to concentrate,
change tasks, etc.

> I have seen she is doing quite well in the reading,math etc and i have
> stopped teaching more advance things thinking it will put too much
> pressure on her when its not really needed for KG or even 1st grade
> curriculum.

The bottom line is that you have to talk with the teacher and find out what
is really happening and how you could work together with the school.

Jeff

> Please give your opinion...
>
> Thanks
> galbo
>

LisaBell

March 14th 04, 01:30 AM

On Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:58:21 EST, (Herman
Rubin) wrote:

>Unless the reason is lack of mental ability, there is NO
>reason not to go on. School should be for learning, not
>for socializing.

That was my take on things, but I'm having similar issues with my DD
and her K teacher has recommended hedging our bets and registering for
a second year of K as well as 1st grade next year, with the basic
reason being socialization issues.

My feeling is that academically DD is very ready for school. She has
good self control and no problem applying herself to a task for an
extended period of time. Her motor skills (both gross and fine) are
advanced, she draws and writes letters very accurately and will be
reading before the end of next year, school or no. She even enjoys
doing schoolwork type workbooks, and is very eager to learn. I'd say
she easily qualifies for all mental requirements for school.

DD will be 6 in September - 3 months short of the January 1st cutoff.
However, it appears that many of her peers have been held back and she
is now considered quite young to be entering school, so every aspect
of her behaviour is being scutinized. At the beginning of this year
she entered a pre K/K class in which the older children had already
been together for a year and had formed fast friendships. She now
seems to be having trouble breaking into these groups, and her teacher
points out that she tends to play with the younger (pre-k) girls in
her class. Being a fairly shy and non-assertive kid doesn't help. We
are also told that she finds situations where she is required to
perform in front of her peers (being exposed to their ridicule) very
difficult, and sometimes refuses to participate. She seems to have no
such issues in out of school ballet and music classes.

Her K teacher seems to think that a further year in K will make her
more confident and assertive, and argues that these are important
tools for school entry. I remain unconvinced. On one hand I feel that
her shyness and sensitivity are inborn traits with which she is coping
admirably (she goes to kindergarten willingly and cheerfully despite
the other kids unfriendliness, and is very independent) and on the
other that another year of K may cause her to be bored and frustrated.
There is very little academic work going on in kindergarten and she
easily masters what there is.

Interestingly everyone who knows my daughter seems to think she is
clearly ready for school, and all those who do not seem to think I am
being a pushy argumentative mom. I have yet to seek a professional
evaluation, nor do I know if such is really necessary given that
whether to enter her in school is our decision (she wants to go and
talks about it frequently). I do feel that essentially, as the poster
stated above, school is for academics not socialization, but I don't
want DD to be a social outcast or victim for the bullies either.

I'm very interested in hearing views of educators and other parents,
especially those who have experience with kids who were having a hard
time socially on entering 1st grade.

--Lisabell
Mom to Gabriella (5.5) and Michaela (4)

Chris Himes

March 14th 04, 03:44 PM

LisaBell > wrote in message >...
> On Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:58:21 EST, (Herman
> Rubin) wrote:
>
> >Unless the reason is lack of mental ability, there is NO
> >reason not to go on. School should be for learning, not
> >for socializing.
>
> That was my take on things, but I'm having similar issues with my DD
> and her K teacher has recommended hedging our bets and registering for
> a second year of K as well as 1st grade next year, with the basic
> reason being socialization issues.

Both of my sons have fall birthdays (Sept and Oct) in a district with
a Dec. 1 cut-off for starting Kindergarten. Both started kindergarten
at age 4. The older boy is now in 7th grade, the younger in 3rd.

Our older son sounds very much like your daughter. He is very smart,
very coordinated, fairly shy and sensitive. We got mixed advice about
starting kindergarten, some teachers said boys should just always be
held back, others said he was clearly ready. We went ahead. His
first two years he was in a mixed K-1 class. He excelled
academically, socially it was a little rough. He was slow to join
into games and playground activities. He spent most of those two years
sitting by himself at recess (broke my heart). Any criticism or
attention in class could bring on tears. His teacher didn't see these
as serious problems and noted that he was young and sometimes acted
young, but generally was doing alright. He gradually did better in 2nd
grade, and since then has had no problems. He still does well
academically, he is still a little hesitant in new situations, a
little over-sensitive, but now has a wide circle of friends. He
enjoys school and life. We tried to cultivate a few individual
friendships, inviting boys over to play one-on-one. As much as I
dislike Scouting, being in Cub Scouts got him involved with a small
group of boys, and he joined the school chess team which also exposed
him to kids with similar interests and personalities.

Son #2 was also academically ready for school and much more outgoing
and adventurous. His problem has been some hyperactivity and lack of
focus. He literally does not sit at all during the school day. He is
very easily distracted (made worse by the fact that he is bored to
tears). He tends to be more the class clown type, being silly,
talking out of turn, sometimes being a little bit of a smart aleck or
show-off when he thinks he knows more than the teacher (which this
year is sometimes literally true). I'm hoping that he can get into a
more challenging class next year and that the teacher will find ways
to channel that energy. He is also a little bit of a social outlier,
but not nearly as bad as his brother. He has 2-3 pretty close friends,
and seems to do well with them. But in one family with boys 18 months
apart, he gets along better with the younger one (a grade lower) then
the older (in his grade). I think this has more to do with both being
second kids than age, though.

In the end, I don't regret sending either one.
Chris

illecebra

March 14th 04, 04:43 PM

On Sat, 13 Mar 2004 20:30:37 -0500, LisaBell wrote:

<snip>
> DD will be 6 in September - 3 months short of the January 1st cutoff.
> However, it appears that many of her peers have been held back and she
> is now considered quite young to be entering school, so every aspect of
> her behaviour is being scutinized. At the beginning of this year she
> entered a pre K/K class in which the older children had already been
> together for a year and had formed fast friendships. She now seems to be
> having trouble breaking into these groups, and her teacher points out
> that she tends to play with the younger (pre-k) girls in her class.
> Being a fairly shy and non-assertive kid doesn't help. We are also told
> that she finds situations where she is required to perform in front of
> her peers (being exposed to their ridicule) very difficult, and
> sometimes refuses to participate. She seems to have no such issues in
> out of school ballet and music classes.
>
<snip>
>
> I'm very interested in hearing views of educators and other parents,
> especially those who have experience with kids who were having a hard
> time socially on entering 1st grade.
>
> --Lisabell
> Mom to Gabriella (5.5) and Michaela (4)

It sounds to me like a problem with the social situation, not a
socialization problem. There's a huge difference. It sounds like she
hasn't had a problem getting along with kids outside of the classroom, and
you didn't mention any red-flag behaviors, so she's probably developing
social skills just fine.

I've always found it rather rediculous that most schools expect kids to be
friends with everyone of their same age and sex, but no one else. If this
is the main reason the K teacher wants to hold her back, then go ahead and
put her in first grade. IMHO, when teachers and parents teach little ones
that they have to be friends with everyone, when what they usually mean is
that they should be civil to everyone, they set their kids up to be
vulnerable to peer pressure when they're older.

Just my 2 cents.

Susan