Very Difficult situation..HELP

[Patrick & Carolina]

Hi everybody...


Here I'm again........ still sad and now very confused...

I got a miscarriage, last week we heard that our little angel sleeps in
mummy's tummy and we dont know since when is that. I feel absolutely
NOTHING.. my body tells me that im POSITIVE PREGNANT and I feel no pain,
bleeding, or anything which makes me think that something is wrong with our
little one. We went for a second ultrasound yesterday and they told me
that my little thing has the size of a 6 weeks old "baby" so he/she is
smaller day by day..... First i tought that he stopped growing at 8 weeks
(I'm now 13 weeks pregnant) so it meand 5 weeks sleeping... but now I'm sure
is not like that ... we just went to that ultrasound when he was already
getting smaller. I also have 2 grlsfriends with overweight (my situation)
who were always tol dthey were not even pregnant.... doctors couldnt see a
thing! and they both have beautiful healthy babies!!!..... so..... those
were medical errors while every ultrasound. At that point is where i
feel the worst. I know 99% that my baby is not alive anymore, that im
walking everyday around with a little thing that never will say Mummy, and i
wont hug and kiss like i wish so much......... but there is a 1% of hope
and dudes..... IF..............


Yesterday i had to make the appointed for the hospital to remove baby
from mummy....... at the last moment i've decided that i NEED to feel it is
right to do. I NEED to SEE or FEEL at least S O M E T H I N G which
tells me the chapter is finished, my baby exists only in my heart but he is
now in heaven. If i dont wait till i feel that i will always think that
perhaps was a mistake and he was alive and i took him out . I feel so bad.
I try to show everybody that I'm fine, I even tell myself that all is ok but
now im crying again and feeling like .s.......... My DH and me have a
beautiful kid of 2 y.o. and he also needs to see his mummy is fine.........
but sometimes goes difficult to do.

My husband supports me in all ways and he accepts whatever my decission
is about waiting till baby goes out or going to the hospital....... If
someone shares PLZ their experiences i would apreciate it alot....... I'm
also affraid of getting sick or having troubles caused for the waiting part
and keeping my sleeping baby inside for longer......... What should i DO?


Best wishes.
(sorry for all the ort. mistakes on this message, my english is worst and
worst with the days)

Carolina

[Jamie Clark]

Carolina,
Hugs. I lost two pregnancies around the 6 weeks mark -- the heart never
started to beat, but we didn't find out until 7 weeks, then confirmed it
with another u/s at 8 weeks. In the first case, I decided on a D&C, which
was performed just a few days later. I was confident that there was no
heartbeat, that my baby was dead, and I had no regrets or worries. I just
wanted it over and done with, so I could TTC again as soon as possible.
With my second one, I had been through 5 years of infertility treatments, 8
pg losses, and this pregnancy was the result of a donor egg IVF cycle, and I
just couldn't face any more surgical or medical treatments. Again, we found
out at 7 weeks that there wasn't a heartbeat, and went back to confirm a
week later that it still wasn't there. I chose to miscarry on my own.
Again, I was confident that the baby was dead, so I just had to wait for my
body to figure it out. Sometimes it can take a while for the placenta to
stop doing it's job -- it's like the placenta doesn't know right away that
the baby has died either, so it keeps on pumping out hormones and growing,
which all makes you feel pregnant still. I finally miscarried a few weeks
later, at 10 weeks.

I know how upset and sad you are, or at least can come close to imagining.
If it were me, based on how far along you are, and how long it's already
been (not just since you found out, but how long ago the heart stopped
beating), I'd probably go ahead and have a D&C. I don't know if there are
medical issues related to carrying around a missed miscarriage, but that is
something your doctor should be able to answer for you. And, if you do
decide to have a D&C, I'd request one last u/s before the procedure. If
there is no heartbeat, there is no heartbeat. There is no mistaking that.

I'm sorry for your loss.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Little Miss Chatty, whose favorite sayings are
"What's going on in here" and "I've gotta get out of here!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- Little Miss Into Everything, whose reach has
extended into the whole coffee table...nothing is safe!

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

[April & Baby]

Hi Hun

Im really sorry for the situation you are in, when I went through the
bleeding thing the other week and I thought I was having an misscarrage my
best mate who is a midwife suggested I allow nature to take its turn and try
and let baby come out itself because I felt excactly like you, she was just
explainging what would happen had I lost it and that I could have the choice
between D &C or allow it to go naturally, I told her the same fears, well
what if its not an Angel in heaven and I do for a D&C and kill it blar blar,
I hope your understanding me cause im not really good and putting thoughts
into writing due to my slight dyslexia. At the end of the day do what your
hearts telling you, be 100% sure in whatever decision you make and in the
mean time ill pray for you.

April and BabyBump


"Patrick & Carolina" > wrote in message
.nl...
> Hi everybody...
>
>
> Here I'm again........ still sad and now very confused...
>
> I got a miscarriage, last week we heard that our little angel sleeps in
> mummy's tummy and we dont know since when is that. I feel absolutely
> NOTHING.. my body tells me that im POSITIVE PREGNANT and I feel no pain,
> bleeding, or anything which makes me think that something is wrong with
> our little one. We went for a second ultrasound yesterday and they told
> me that my little thing has the size of a 6 weeks old "baby" so he/she is
> smaller day by day..... First i tought that he stopped growing at 8 weeks
> (I'm now 13 weeks pregnant) so it meand 5 weeks sleeping... but now I'm
> sure is not like that ... we just went to that ultrasound when he was
> already getting smaller. I also have 2 grlsfriends with overweight (my
> situation) who were always tol dthey were not even pregnant.... doctors
> couldnt see a thing! and they both have beautiful healthy babies!!!.....
> so..... those were medical errors while every ultrasound. At that
> point is where i feel the worst. I know 99% that my baby is not alive
> anymore, that im walking everyday around with a little thing that never
> will say Mummy, and i wont hug and kiss like i wish so much......... but
> there is a 1% of hope and dudes..... IF..............
>
>
> Yesterday i had to make the appointed for the hospital to remove baby
> from mummy....... at the last moment i've decided that i NEED to feel it
> is right to do. I NEED to SEE or FEEL at least S O M E T H I N G
> which tells me the chapter is finished, my baby exists only in my heart
> but he is now in heaven. If i dont wait till i feel that i will always
> think that perhaps was a mistake and he was alive and i took him out . I
> feel so bad. I try to show everybody that I'm fine, I even tell myself
> that all is ok but now im crying again and feeling like .s.......... My
> DH and me have a beautiful kid of 2 y.o. and he also needs to see his
> mummy is fine......... but sometimes goes difficult to do.
>
> My husband supports me in all ways and he accepts whatever my decission
> is about waiting till baby goes out or going to the hospital....... If
> someone shares PLZ their experiences i would apreciate it alot....... I'm
> also affraid of getting sick or having troubles caused for the waiting
> part and keeping my sleeping baby inside for longer......... What should
> i DO?
>
>
> Best wishes.
> (sorry for all the ort. mistakes on this message, my english is worst and
> worst with the days)
>
> Carolina
>

[Patrick & Carolina]

Thank you both of you girls for sharing ur expericnes with me.......... At
the time, I'm still not sure of anything but... cause i have dudes about it,
i'll better wait longer and see what happens......... I'm affraid of the
pain but I'm much more affraid of being the rest of my life regreting for a
D&C while i was not ready for it.


Best wishes again

Carolina






"April & Baby" > schreef in bericht
...
> Hi Hun
>
> Im really sorry for the situation you are in, when I went through the
> bleeding thing the other week and I thought I was having an misscarrage my
> best mate who is a midwife suggested I allow nature to take its turn and
> try and let baby come out itself because I felt excactly like you, she was
> just explainging what would happen had I lost it and that I could have the
> choice between D &C or allow it to go naturally, I told her the same
> fears, well what if its not an Angel in heaven and I do for a D&C and kill
> it blar blar, I hope your understanding me cause im not really good and
> putting thoughts into writing due to my slight dyslexia. At the end of the
> day do what your hearts telling you, be 100% sure in whatever decision you
> make and in the mean time ill pray for you.
>
> April and BabyBump
>
>
> "Patrick & Carolina" > wrote in message
> .nl...
>> Hi everybody...
>>
>>
>> Here I'm again........ still sad and now very confused...
>>
>> I got a miscarriage, last week we heard that our little angel sleeps in
>> mummy's tummy and we dont know since when is that. I feel absolutely
>> NOTHING.. my body tells me that im POSITIVE PREGNANT and I feel no pain,
>> bleeding, or anything which makes me think that something is wrong with
>> our little one. We went for a second ultrasound yesterday and they told
>> me that my little thing has the size of a 6 weeks old "baby" so he/she is
>> smaller day by day..... First i tought that he stopped growing at 8
>> weeks (I'm now 13 weeks pregnant) so it meand 5 weeks sleeping... but now
>> I'm sure is not like that ... we just went to that ultrasound when he was
>> already getting smaller. I also have 2 grlsfriends with overweight (my
>> situation) who were always tol dthey were not even pregnant.... doctors
>> couldnt see a thing! and they both have beautiful healthy babies!!!.....
>> so..... those were medical errors while every ultrasound. At that
>> point is where i feel the worst. I know 99% that my baby is not alive
>> anymore, that im walking everyday around with a little thing that never
>> will say Mummy, and i wont hug and kiss like i wish so much......... but
>> there is a 1% of hope and dudes..... IF..............
>>
>>
>> Yesterday i had to make the appointed for the hospital to remove baby
>> from mummy....... at the last moment i've decided that i NEED to feel it
>> is right to do. I NEED to SEE or FEEL at least S O M E T H I N G
>> which tells me the chapter is finished, my baby exists only in my heart
>> but he is now in heaven. If i dont wait till i feel that i will
>> always think that perhaps was a mistake and he was alive and i took him
>> out . I feel so bad. I try to show everybody that I'm fine, I even tell
>> myself that all is ok but now im crying again and feeling like
>> .s.......... My DH and me have a beautiful kid of 2 y.o. and he also
>> needs to see his mummy is fine......... but sometimes goes difficult to
>> do.
>>
>> My husband supports me in all ways and he accepts whatever my decission
>> is about waiting till baby goes out or going to the hospital....... If
>> someone shares PLZ their experiences i would apreciate it alot.......
>> I'm also affraid of getting sick or having troubles caused for the
>> waiting part and keeping my sleeping baby inside for longer.........
>> What should i DO?
>>
>>
>> Best wishes.
>> (sorry for all the ort. mistakes on this message, my english is worst
>> and worst with the days)
>>
>> Carolina
>>
>
>

[CJRA]

Patrick & Carolina wrote:
> Hi everybody...
>
>
> Here I'm again........ still sad and now very confused...
>
> I got a miscarriage, last week we heard that our little angel sleeps in
> mummy's tummy and we dont know since when is that. I feel absolutely
> NOTHING.. my body tells me that im POSITIVE PREGNANT and I feel no pain,
> bleeding, or anything which makes me think that something is wrong with our
> little one. We went for a second ultrasound yesterday and they told me
> that my little thing has the size of a 6 weeks old "baby" so he/she is
> smaller day by day..... First i tought that he stopped growing at 8 weeks
> (I'm now 13 weeks pregnant) so it meand 5 weeks sleeping... but now I'm sure
> is not like that ... we just went to that ultrasound when he was already
> getting smaller. I also have 2 grlsfriends with overweight (my situation)
> who were always tol dthey were not even pregnant.... doctors couldnt see a
> thing! and they both have beautiful healthy babies!!!..... so..... those
> were medical errors while every ultrasound. At that point is where i
> feel the worst. I know 99% that my baby is not alive anymore, that im
> walking everyday around with a little thing that never will say Mummy, and i
> wont hug and kiss like i wish so much......... but there is a 1% of hope
> and dudes..... IF..............
>
>
> Yesterday i had to make the appointed for the hospital to remove baby
> from mummy....... at the last moment i've decided that i NEED to feel it is
> right to do. I NEED to SEE or FEEL at least S O M E T H I N G which
> tells me the chapter is finished, my baby exists only in my heart but he is
> now in heaven. If i dont wait till i feel that i will always think that
> perhaps was a mistake and he was alive and i took him out . I feel so bad.
> I try to show everybody that I'm fine, I even tell myself that all is ok but
> now im crying again and feeling like .s.......... My DH and me have a
> beautiful kid of 2 y.o. and he also needs to see his mummy is fine.........
> but sometimes goes difficult to do.
>
> My husband supports me in all ways and he accepts whatever my decission
> is about waiting till baby goes out or going to the hospital....... If
> someone shares PLZ their experiences i would apreciate it alot....... I'm
> also affraid of getting sick or having troubles caused for the waiting part
> and keeping my sleeping baby inside for longer......... What should i DO?


I'm so sorry for what you're going throughy. My own, very similar
experience is very fresh.

At 11wks I learned my baby stopped developing at 6wks. Mentally I could
grasp that, but there was still this part of me hoping it was all
wrong. I knew it wasn't - I saw the ultrasound, I saw my hormone levels
drop.... and at first I wanted to wait to miscarry naturally. I felt
like
1)I was likely close enough to doing so given that it had already been
5 wks,
2) I needed to feel like I'd "given birth" - not exactly, but at least
physically passed the baby out of me. There was something emotional
about that, like it offered me the chance to grieve for the baby.
3) I figured it was better for my body

At 12 wks following a lot of bleeding, I learned I still hadn't
miscarried and the baby was still inside me. And at that point it
becomes risky to continue (fear of infection) and also I realised the
waiting was just putting a huge strain on me and my husband. We'd
grieved, and are still grieving, but - it was like learning someone is
brain dead but on life supports. They are already gone, but we, the
living, don't want to let go, so we hold onto them as long as possible,
and that's no good for anyone. We finally decided to go to the hospital
and have the surgery. In many ways, that was a relief. Still, in the
24hrs between deciding and going to the hospital, I kept thinking "but
what if he's still alive?" What if the reason I hadn't miscarried was
because he was still growing? My DH said he was just stubborn and
didn't want to give up. But more important, I didn't want to give up.
Finally, I was able to accept it and move on much better after that.
It's still hard, and I continued bleeding until last Friday (the D&C
was on June 14), but now I feel I am past the worst, emotionally and
physically.

I'm not sure if that helps or not. Whatever you decide, know that
you're not alone. And know you have to do what's best for you. Feel
everything you feel, but not guilt. Don't worry about showing a happy
face to others - it's ok to feel bad. It's healthy and normal.

And take care of yourself.

[Patrick & Carolina]

Thank you alot for ur support and for sharing this experience with
me........... I think i need some more time to accept all this.......

Probably later i'll go to have a D&C but now im not ready ...... i need
at least a sign......... a symptom, SOMETHING to tell me its the time.

I'll let u know how all went.

Thank you once more and I feel also very srry for ur loss and all what u
have to go throug..



Wishing u the best.

Carolina

[Jamie Clark]

"Patrick & Carolina" > wrote in message
l...
> Thank you alot for ur support and for sharing this experience with
> me........... I think i need some more time to accept all this.......
>
> Probably later i'll go to have a D&C but now im not ready ...... i
> need at least a sign......... a symptom, SOMETHING to tell me its the
> time.
>
> I'll let u know how all went.
>
> Thank you once more and I feel also very srry for ur loss and all what u
> have to go throug..
>
> Wishing u the best.
>
> Carolina



Carolina,
I cannot stress how sorry I am that this pregnancy isn't viable. I have
been there, I know how tough it is. I'm sorry to come across so harsh, but
I don't want your denial to affect any future chances of pregnancy for you.

That being said, you may never feel anything physically to tell you that the
pregnancy is over. There may never be a FLASH, or a cramp, or a twinge in
your belly to tell you that it's over. The signs you should be looking for
are medical. You've seen two u/s a week apart with no heartbeat. That is
pretty definitive. There is no coming back from no heartbeat. Have you had
any blood tests to see if the HCG levels are going down? Even if you
haven't had any blood tests yet, I would say that it is empirically clear
that your baby has died. That you refuse to accept it is another matter.

I would talk to your doctor and ask him if there is any medical reason that
could harm your future fertility if you wait this out and miscarry naturally
and on your own. If there is a reason, if continuing in denial could affect
your future fertility, I'd strongly urge you to deal with this, both
emotionally and physically. Of course, if your doctors give you the okay,
and say that there is no reason why you can't just wait this out, and that's
what you want to do, then I support that. You have to do what is best for
you.

You can not deny reality. It is what it is. Wanting it to be different
will not change the outcome. Sometimes our heads know things that our
hearts refuse to accept. I know you "know" that this is over, you just
really really really don't want it to be. And I can't blame you one bit.
But you have to deal with the facts, and the here and now. You have to deal
with WHAT IS, not what you wish it were.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Little Miss Chatty, whose favorite sayings are
"What's going on in here" and "I've gotta get out of here!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- Little Miss Into Everything, whose reach has
extended into the whole coffee table...nothing is safe!

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

[Patrick & Carolina]

Hi Jamie........


I cant thank you guys enough for all ur words. Last week we went to
that last u/s and i explained to my doctor what was going on in my head, he
said few times it wasn't dangeroud for me to wait... of course not for
months but few more weeks, i still can always call them and make an
appointment to go hospital and get an D&C .. he also said can be just a
light pain but also a very very bad one......... and it could last me for
more than a week being still normal. Me and my husband have decided to
wait longer, I know for most of the people sounds stupid or at least weird
that we "risk" my health for it but, I really want to close this chapter
diff. than a D&C ... i do not like pain, thats for sure but i will like much
less to live always thinking IF...

One of my girlsfriends had a very weird situation and deniying all things
she heard from doctors went further with her pregnancy and got a beutiful
baby... I know 99% is not my case but still, that damn 1% tells me i'll
regret if i do NOW the D&C. Perhaps in few more days........ I really
need some more time to say bye. And as i said, i asked if it was going to
harm me anyway and he said no... so, thats mainly why im doing it.

Thank you sooo much for ur care and words, perhaps i'll go Hospital
soon......... U'll hear about it.

My best wishes.

Carolina

PS.. Oh Jamie, I saw ur beautiful little princess........ and their so
lovely parents!!!!!
I also have already one little angel running around. this is the link
where u can see all of us.


http://groups.msn.com/CarolRath My baby love's name is Ricardo
.....24/03/03 =)