U/S at 28w1d (peri appt)

[Tori M]

Joy where are you doing the NST?

Tori

"Joybelle" > wrote in message
...
> Today we drove two hours to our perinatologist appointment. I'm going
> positively insane at the though of having to drive through St.
> Paul/Minneapolis after this baby is born. I am NOT a city driver at all.
>
> Anyway, onto the appointment. We had a level 2 u/s and a consult with the
> perinatologist. The baby does have hydrocephalus now, so we are looking
at
> a shunt placement soon after birth. Baby is growing, heartbeat was
strong,
> and I'm feeling a good amount of movement. Baby is in breech position at
> this point. Last time we saw a different peri, and he advised us to have a
> c-section due to the distance we have to travel (2 hours and possible
> stopped traffic) and for avoiding injury to the site. But today, the peri
> we saw, said we could have a vaginal birth. There's still the distance
> thing, but she said the injury to the site wasn't a big concern. We also
> saw a neonatologist today, and he said the same thing. He did say,
however,
> that the hydrocephalus might be problematic for birthing (fitting through
> the pelvis, depending on the severity of the hydrocephalus). So, now who
do
> I believe?? I think it's more a question of what do I want to do, and
what
> would be best for the whole family.
>
> We had the first appointment at 1pm and that took an hour. We were
> scheduled in to see the neonatologist at 3pm, and we finally left the
> hospital at 4pm. Long day.
>
> So anyway, we are scheduled for another level 2 u/s in 6 weeks. We will
> also see an ob at that point. I guess I'll also be getting NST's weekly
> starting in about 3 weeks. Fortunately, those won't be in the Cities, but
> it's still a 45 minute drive.
>
> I'm feeling so overwhelmed and so tired.
>
> Joy
>
>

[Tori M]

Oh ok :) just wondering if you would be nearby :)

Tori

"Joybelle" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Tori M" > wrote in message
> ...
> > Joy where are you doing the NST?
>
> I think Cumberland.
>
> Joy
>
>

[Joybelle]

Today we drove two hours to our perinatologist appointment. I'm going
positively insane at the though of having to drive through St.
Paul/Minneapolis after this baby is born. I am NOT a city driver at all.

Anyway, onto the appointment. We had a level 2 u/s and a consult with the
perinatologist. The baby does have hydrocephalus now, so we are looking at
a shunt placement soon after birth. Baby is growing, heartbeat was strong,
and I'm feeling a good amount of movement. Baby is in breech position at
this point. Last time we saw a different peri, and he advised us to have a
c-section due to the distance we have to travel (2 hours and possible
stopped traffic) and for avoiding injury to the site. But today, the peri
we saw, said we could have a vaginal birth. There's still the distance
thing, but she said the injury to the site wasn't a big concern. We also
saw a neonatologist today, and he said the same thing. He did say, however,
that the hydrocephalus might be problematic for birthing (fitting through
the pelvis, depending on the severity of the hydrocephalus). So, now who do
I believe?? I think it's more a question of what do I want to do, and what
would be best for the whole family.

We had the first appointment at 1pm and that took an hour. We were
scheduled in to see the neonatologist at 3pm, and we finally left the
hospital at 4pm. Long day.

So anyway, we are scheduled for another level 2 u/s in 6 weeks. We will
also see an ob at that point. I guess I'll also be getting NST's weekly
starting in about 3 weeks. Fortunately, those won't be in the Cities, but
it's still a 45 minute drive.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed and so tired.

Joy

[Joybelle]

"Tori M" > wrote in message
...
> Joy where are you doing the NST?

I think Cumberland.

Joy

[Mum of Two]

"Joybelle" > wrote in message
...
> Today we drove two hours to our perinatologist appointment. I'm going
> positively insane at the though of having to drive through St.
> Paul/Minneapolis after this baby is born. I am NOT a city driver at all.
>
> Anyway, onto the appointment. We had a level 2 u/s and a consult with the
> perinatologist. The baby does have hydrocephalus now, so we are looking
> at
> a shunt placement soon after birth. Baby is growing, heartbeat was
> strong,
> and I'm feeling a good amount of movement. Baby is in breech position at
> this point. Last time we saw a different peri, and he advised us to have a
> c-section due to the distance we have to travel (2 hours and possible
> stopped traffic) and for avoiding injury to the site. But today, the peri
> we saw, said we could have a vaginal birth. There's still the distance
> thing, but she said the injury to the site wasn't a big concern. We also
> saw a neonatologist today, and he said the same thing. He did say,
> however,
> that the hydrocephalus might be problematic for birthing (fitting through
> the pelvis, depending on the severity of the hydrocephalus). So, now who
> do
> I believe?? I think it's more a question of what do I want to do, and
> what
> would be best for the whole family.

I hope you can have a vaginal birth - I know it won't be the home birth you
wanted, but perhaps it could be a bit closer to it than you first thought.
The loss of the birth experience you had planned for your last child is a
_big_ deal. If they think the risk to the baby is minimal, perhaps you could
attempt a vaginal birth and have a c-section if the hydrocephalus proves to
be a problem?

> We had the first appointment at 1pm and that took an hour. We were
> scheduled in to see the neonatologist at 3pm, and we finally left the
> hospital at 4pm. Long day.
>
> So anyway, we are scheduled for another level 2 u/s in 6 weeks. We will
> also see an ob at that point. I guess I'll also be getting NST's weekly
> starting in about 3 weeks. Fortunately, those won't be in the Cities, but
> it's still a 45 minute drive.
>
> I'm feeling so overwhelmed and so tired.

((((Joy))))

I'm glad your mother's intuition guided you to have the scan - sad of course
that you had to learn this news, but pleased that you can be better prepared
both physically and emotionally. This is such a difficult time...I hope that
the knowing gives you a little more time to resolve some of your feelings
over the loss of the ideal birth and healthy child that you had hoped for,
enough that you can still have some of those warm fuzzy new Mum moments when
baby gets here.
It's such a shock, and such a lot to take in - especially when you're
already tired and emotional from the usual demands of pregnancy. My thoughts
are with you all.


--
Amy
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
barton . souto @ clear . net . nz
http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/

[Mary W.]

Joybelle wrote:
> Today we drove two hours to our perinatologist appointment. I'm going
> positively insane at the though of having to drive through St.
> Paul/Minneapolis after this baby is born. I am NOT a city driver at all.
>
> Anyway, onto the appointment. We had a level 2 u/s and a consult with the
> perinatologist. The baby does have hydrocephalus now, so we are looking at
> a shunt placement soon after birth. Baby is growing, heartbeat was strong,
> and I'm feeling a good amount of movement. Baby is in breech position at
> this point. Last time we saw a different peri, and he advised us to have a
> c-section due to the distance we have to travel (2 hours and possible
> stopped traffic) and for avoiding injury to the site. But today, the peri
> we saw, said we could have a vaginal birth. There's still the distance
> thing, but she said the injury to the site wasn't a big concern. We also
> saw a neonatologist today, and he said the same thing. He did say, however,
> that the hydrocephalus might be problematic for birthing (fitting through
> the pelvis, depending on the severity of the hydrocephalus). So, now who do
> I believe?? I think it's more a question of what do I want to do, and what
> would be best for the whole family.

I suppose in some ways it is nice to have the option of a
vaginal birth, although it would have been nice to not get
conflicting advice. Do what you are comfortable with. I've had
both, and although I vastly preferred my VBAC, my c-section
went just fine, with no lingering effects. Some trouble with
nursing but nothing that we didn't overcome. I think either
choice would be completely understandable.


>
> We had the first appointment at 1pm and that took an hour. We were
> scheduled in to see the neonatologist at 3pm, and we finally left the
> hospital at 4pm. Long day.
>

And then you had the long drive home! no wonder you are beat.
It sounds like the baby is doing well, glad you are feeling
good movements.

Best wishes,

Mary W.

[V.]

"Joybelle" > wrote in message
...
> Today we drove two hours to our perinatologist appointment. I'm going
> positively insane at the though of having to drive through St.
> Paul/Minneapolis after this baby is born. I am NOT a city driver at all.
>
> Anyway, onto the appointment. We had a level 2 u/s and a consult with the
> perinatologist. The baby does have hydrocephalus now, so we are looking
> at
> a shunt placement soon after birth. Baby is growing, heartbeat was
> strong,
> and I'm feeling a good amount of movement. Baby is in breech position at
> this point. Last time we saw a different peri, and he advised us to have a
> c-section due to the distance we have to travel (2 hours and possible
> stopped traffic) and for avoiding injury to the site. But today, the peri
> we saw, said we could have a vaginal birth. There's still the distance
> thing, but she said the injury to the site wasn't a big concern. We also
> saw a neonatologist today, and he said the same thing. He did say,
> however,
> that the hydrocephalus might be problematic for birthing (fitting through
> the pelvis, depending on the severity of the hydrocephalus). So, now who
> do
> I believe?? I think it's more a question of what do I want to do, and
> what
> would be best for the whole family.
>
> We had the first appointment at 1pm and that took an hour. We were
> scheduled in to see the neonatologist at 3pm, and we finally left the
> hospital at 4pm. Long day.
>
> So anyway, we are scheduled for another level 2 u/s in 6 weeks. We will
> also see an ob at that point. I guess I'll also be getting NST's weekly
> starting in about 3 weeks. Fortunately, those won't be in the Cities, but
> it's still a 45 minute drive.
>
> I'm feeling so overwhelmed and so tired.
>
> Joy
>
>

Understandably tired! I hope things turn out really well for you and your
family.
I'm curious if the perinatologist ascribed any importance to the fact that
you are feeling movement. With the level lesion the baby has, his arms are
probably unaffected, but his legs may be. Is the fact that you feel
movement a good sign that there isn't total paralysis in the legs, or is it
irrelevant?
(hope it's OK to ask, just wondered)

Best wishes,
Amy

[Amy]

Joybelle wrote:

> I'm feeling so overwhelmed and so tired.

(((((((((Joy)))))))))

You've got so much to deal with right now, of course you feel that way.
Hang in there.

Amy

[Emily]

Hi Joy,

That must be hard about the conflicting advice!
At least two of the docs seem to agree.

The long drives sound just exhausting. At least
it shouldn't be snowy when the time comes!!

Emily

[Joybelle]

"Tori M" > wrote in message
...
> Oh ok :) just wondering if you would be nearby :)

It's closer to you than the Cities. :)

Joy

[Tori M]

Yup that is true! do you drive through Amery to get to the cities? I know
you can go through St. Croix Falls as well. Anyway email me if you know you
will have time and i will give you my addy. I would love to see you and I
have lots of yummy coffee ;)

Tori

"Joybelle" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Tori M" > wrote in message
> ...
> > Oh ok :) just wondering if you would be nearby :)
>
> It's closer to you than the Cities. :)
>
> Joy
>
>

[Joybelle]

"Mum of Two" > wrote in message
...

> I hope you can have a vaginal birth - I know it won't be the home birth
you
> wanted, but perhaps it could be a bit closer to it than you first thought.
> The loss of the birth experience you had planned for your last child is a
> _big_ deal. If they think the risk to the baby is minimal, perhaps you
could
> attempt a vaginal birth and have a c-section if the hydrocephalus proves
to
> be a problem?

I'm really conflicted about the c-section vs. vaginal! I'm sure if I go for
a vaginal birth I'll be induced due to the distance, etc. I don't know. I
have a lot to think about!


> ((((Joy))))

Thank you! Hugs right back. :)

> I'm glad your mother's intuition guided you to have the scan - sad of
course
> that you had to learn this news, but pleased that you can be better
prepared
> both physically and emotionally. This is such a difficult time...I hope
that
> the knowing gives you a little more time to resolve some of your feelings
> over the loss of the ideal birth and healthy child that you had hoped for,
> enough that you can still have some of those warm fuzzy new Mum moments
when
> baby gets here.

I find myself going through so many different emotions. Sometimes I feel
all protective and loving toward the baby and sometimes I feel so
disassociated. I have all the how can I manage? I can't do this, etc going
on. I really do look forward to when the baby gets here because then I'll
be involved and doing something. As it is, I feel paralyzed in my
capabilities because I just can't do much at this point. I'm also really
freaking out on how this is going to affect the whole family. I dread,
dread, dread leaving my children for such an amount of time, but I want/need
to be there for this baby when the time comes. My oldest will be in the
start of 1st grade, and I have to plan for that. I know once the time is
here I'll be doing instead of fretting, but right now all those concerns are
hitting me full-force.

> It's such a shock, and such a lot to take in - especially when you're
> already tired and emotional from the usual demands of pregnancy. My
thoughts
> are with you all.

Thank you. It doesn't help we've gotten a heat wave, either! :)

Joy

[Joybelle]

"Mary W." > wrote in message
hlink.net...

> I suppose in some ways it is nice to have the option of a
> vaginal birth, although it would have been nice to not get
> conflicting advice. Do what you are comfortable with. I've had
> both, and although I vastly preferred my VBAC, my c-section
> went just fine, with no lingering effects. Some trouble with
> nursing but nothing that we didn't overcome. I think either
> choice would be completely understandable.

It's nice and it's not!! Knowing I HAD to have a c-section made it easier,
I think, to be okay with doing what was best for the baby. Finding out
there are conflicting ideas on it, is so frustrating! I want to do what's
best for baby, for my family and I, but now I have to figure out what that
is. I am pretty certain if I choose to go vaginally I will probably be
induced, so I don't go into labor and have a 2 hour drive.

> > We had the first appointment at 1pm and that took an hour. We were
> > scheduled in to see the neonatologist at 3pm, and we finally left the
> > hospital at 4pm. Long day.
> >
>
> And then you had the long drive home! no wonder you are beat.
> It sounds like the baby is doing well, glad you are feeling
> good movements.

The good movements are very reassuring. Thankfully, my husband was driving,
but I still felt panicky in the traffic. Ugh. I have been trying to get a
referral to Mayo (which is a little further, but drive-wise, a little
easier), but so far it's not going through.

Thanks, Mary.

Joy

[Joybelle]

> Understandably tired! I hope things turn out really well for you and your
> family.

Thanks, Amy.

> I'm curious if the perinatologist ascribed any importance to the fact that
> you are feeling movement. With the level lesion the baby has, his arms
are
> probably unaffected, but his legs may be. Is the fact that you feel
> movement a good sign that there isn't total paralysis in the legs, or is
it
> irrelevant?
> (hope it's OK to ask, just wondered)

Y'know, it was something I was going to ask, but I didn't have written down.
Of course, I didn't remember to ask then! What is interesting to me, is I
was pretty certain what position the baby was in and had felt a lot of
kicks. I was was correct the movement was coming from the legs. I sure
wish I'd remembered to ask. I'll have to write it down and call or
something. :)

Joy

[Joybelle]

"Amy" > wrote in message
ups.com...
>
>
> Joybelle wrote:
>
> > I'm feeling so overwhelmed and so tired.
>
> (((((((((Joy)))))))))
>
> You've got so much to deal with right now, of course you feel that way.
> Hang in there.

Thanks, Amy. I appreciate the hugs!! :)

Joy

[Joybelle]

"Emily" > wrote in message
...
> Hi Joy,
>
> That must be hard about the conflicting advice!
> At least two of the docs seem to agree.

Yes, it is tough! I guess I'll have to off into googleland and see what
relevent stuff I can dig up. Now, I'm not sure what it is I want to do!!

> The long drives sound just exhausting. At least
> it shouldn't be snowy when the time comes!!

The drive is exhausting, and to me, terrifying. If I had to do it myself
(so far hubby is doing the driving), I just could not.

It shouldn't be snowy, thank goodness! 'Tis the season for road
construction, though....

Thanks, Emily.

Joy

[Leslie]

Joy,

I'm sorry you have such a hard decision to make! Were your other
labors fast? Would it maybe be okay to wait to go into labor on your
own if you promise to leave for the hospital right away?

I've had labors augmented by pitocin as well as sections and for me
there is no question that if it's all the same to the outcome for the
baby I would go for the vaginal birth. Especially since you will be
dealing with so much and have the other kids to take care of.

I'm glad the baby is strong and growing well! You said you know the
sex now . . . so are you keeping it a secret from the rest of the
world?

Leslie

[Mum of Two]

"Joybelle" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Mum of Two" > wrote in message
> ...
>
>> I hope you can have a vaginal birth - I know it won't be the home birth
> you
>> wanted, but perhaps it could be a bit closer to it than you first
>> thought.
>> The loss of the birth experience you had planned for your last child is a
>> _big_ deal. If they think the risk to the baby is minimal, perhaps you
> could
>> attempt a vaginal birth and have a c-section if the hydrocephalus proves
> to
>> be a problem?
>
> I'm really conflicted about the c-section vs. vaginal! I'm sure if I go
> for
> a vaginal birth I'll be induced due to the distance, etc. I don't know.
> I
> have a lot to think about!

I hope that one way or another you're happy with the outcome. It's an awful
feeling to feel like everything has been taken out of your hands. Even if
you end up planning for a c-section, there are still choices available to
you within that option. You have some time to think about it and go over
your options, which gives you a headstart on some women.

>> ((((Joy))))
>
> Thank you! Hugs right back. :)
>
>> I'm glad your mother's intuition guided you to have the scan - sad of
> course
>> that you had to learn this news, but pleased that you can be better
> prepared
>> both physically and emotionally. This is such a difficult time...I hope
> that
>> the knowing gives you a little more time to resolve some of your feelings
>> over the loss of the ideal birth and healthy child that you had hoped
>> for,
>> enough that you can still have some of those warm fuzzy new Mum moments
> when
>> baby gets here.
>
> I find myself going through so many different emotions. Sometimes I feel
> all protective and loving toward the baby and sometimes I feel so
> disassociated.

Try not to feel bad about that - it's not an uncommon to have a lack of
emotion even with a healthy baby. I think it's a protective device. I felt
that way a lot of the time with DD because of my previous loss and the
constant fear that she'd be taken in the same way. It continued after her
birth, when the fear changed and I became convinced she'd be taken from me
in some other way - SIDS, car accident, you name it. For the first few
months of her life I felt like I was looking after someone else's baby, and
occasionally I still do. I think I was afraid to love her, but the love was
always there of course even when I buried it deep - I think you'll find the
same holds true for you. It doesn't make you a lesser parent in any way.

> I have all the how can I manage? I can't do this, etc going
> on. I really do look forward to when the baby gets here because then I'll
> be involved and doing something. As it is, I feel paralyzed in my
> capabilities because I just can't do much at this point. I'm also really
> freaking out on how this is going to affect the whole family. I dread,
> dread, dread leaving my children for such an amount of time, but I
> want/need
> to be there for this baby when the time comes. My oldest will be in the
> start of 1st grade, and I have to plan for that. I know once the time is
> here I'll be doing instead of fretting, but right now all those concerns
> are
> hitting me full-force.

You do what you have to do, and try to have faith that it will work itself
out. Life has a way of doing that.
When my younger sister was only a few weeks old, my mother became ill with
pancreatitis and nearly died. She was hospitalised and my brother (16 months
younger) and I were looked after by my somewhat eccentric father. We didn't
even have a car back then. My sister was looked after by a family friend,
and my mother was not able to nurse her as she had my brother and I. I was
not far off starting school at that stage.
It was not without hiccups - my father set the wall above the oven on fire,
and the kindergarten phoned him to see why I hadn't been attending (I'd tell
him it was Saturday, or that there was no kindy today, and he'd believe me -
lol). In our case of course it was a temporary thing and fortunately Mum
recovered. Looking back, we as children had no comprehension of the
seriousness of the situation, and it wasn't as disruptive to our lives as
you'd think - I'm pretty sure there were no long-lasting effects :-) She
came home and we went on in our usual comically dysfunctional way. Families
seem to cope better with change than any other group in society. If only we
could bring that ability to the workplace!

>> It's such a shock, and such a lot to take in - especially when you're
>> already tired and emotional from the usual demands of pregnancy. My
> thoughts
>> are with you all.
>
> Thank you. It doesn't help we've gotten a heat wave, either! :)

You poor thing! I really feel for you. I was only newly pregnant over
summer, and I found the (ordinary summer) heat unbearable.


--
Amy
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
barton . souto @ clear . net . nz
http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/

[Bryna]

Joybelle wrote:
>
> I'm feeling so overwhelmed and so tired.
>
> Joy

Of course you are! You are really doing great, though, so hang in
there. You are making sure that the baby gets whatever he/she needs to
start life with the best possible care. Not to mention taking care of
your other kids *and* handling the drain of being pregnant itself.
This baby is so lucky to have you for a mom. Please go easy on
yourself and give yourself some TLC, if possible.

Bryna

[sharalyns]

((hugs)) Joy! How frustrating to get differing opinions. I hope it can
all get sorted out. What a long drive! :-P

Sharalyn
mom to Alexander James (9/21/01)

[Joybelle]

"Tori M" > wrote in message
...
> Yup that is true! do you drive through Amery to get to the cities? I
know
> you can go through St. Croix Falls as well. Anyway email me if you know
you
> will have time and i will give you my addy. I would love to see you and I
> have lots of yummy coffee ;)

Hey, Tori,
Sorry I didn't get back to you. Yesterday ended up being rushed and crazy.
And HOT!! How'd you do?? I don't drive through Amery to get to the Cities
(we go on 94). I will be going to Cumberland again in a couple of weeks, so
maybe then? Hopefully, it's cooler then, also. :)

Joy

[Joybelle]

"Leslie" > wrote in message
ups.com...
> Joy,
>
> I'm sorry you have such a hard decision to make! Were your other
> labors fast? Would it maybe be okay to wait to go into labor on your
> own if you promise to leave for the hospital right away?

Thanks, Leslie. My other labors were by no means fast or easy. I don't
think the hospital we're dealing with would go for waiting to go into labor,
though. They are high-risk doctors, and boy, you can tell. I know it's
really early to determine this, but the baby is in breech position quite
regularly. It seems to be the favored position for this kiddo, and I have
to wonder if it's going to stay that way.

I'm still pretty undecided, though. Having the first doctor saying a
c-section will prevent further damage to the myelomeningocele site keeps
sticking in my head. I need to find out how accurate that statement really
is.

> I've had labors augmented by pitocin as well as sections and for me
> there is no question that if it's all the same to the outcome for the
> baby I would go for the vaginal birth. Especially since you will be
> dealing with so much and have the other kids to take care of.

Yeah, I keep thinking how am I going to be able to deal with all this
afterward if I'm going to be recovering from major surgery myself. It's a
tough one, and I think I'm going to have to delve into the question next
time around. What's so frustrating is I see a group of perinatologists, and
I just don't feel like I'm getting to establish any sort of relationship.
It's all business, y'know.

> I'm glad the baby is strong and growing well! You said you know the
> sex now . . . so are you keeping it a secret from the rest of the
> world?

I am going to keep it a secret for now. :) It's driving a few people nuts,
that's for sure. I wish we hadn't found out, because we hadn't planned on
it in the first place. We decided to find out, though, when we thought the
baby wasn't going to survive. So, we decided we'd keep it to ourselves for
the time being . :) It's funny, even knowing, we can't decide on a name. I
just have this thing where I have to see the baby before I decide on a final
name.

Joy

[Joybelle]

"Mum of Two" > wrote in message
...
> "Joybelle" > wrote in message
> ...

> > I'm really conflicted about the c-section vs. vaginal! I'm sure if I go
> > for
> > a vaginal birth I'll be induced due to the distance, etc. I don't know.
> > I
> > have a lot to think about!
>
> I hope that one way or another you're happy with the outcome. It's an
awful
> feeling to feel like everything has been taken out of your hands. Even if
> you end up planning for a c-section, there are still choices available to
> you within that option. You have some time to think about it and go over
> your options, which gives you a headstart on some women.

Thanks, Amy. Having the headstart seems to be a blessing and a curse, if
that makes any sense!

> > I find myself going through so many different emotions. Sometimes I
feel
> > all protective and loving toward the baby and sometimes I feel so
> > disassociated.
>
> Try not to feel bad about that - it's not an uncommon to have a lack of
> emotion even with a healthy baby. I think it's a protective device. I felt
> that way a lot of the time with DD because of my previous loss and the
> constant fear that she'd be taken in the same way. It continued after her
> birth, when the fear changed and I became convinced she'd be taken from me
> in some other way - SIDS, car accident, you name it. For the first few
> months of her life I felt like I was looking after someone else's baby,
and
> occasionally I still do. I think I was afraid to love her, but the love
was
> always there of course even when I buried it deep - I think you'll find
the
> same holds true for you. It doesn't make you a lesser parent in any way.

Thanks for sharing this, Amy. I think you have an amazing strength. I've
actually been feeling quite fearful lately of things happening to my other
children. What a crazy jumble of emotions.


> You do what you have to do, and try to have faith that it will work itself
> out. Life has a way of doing that.
> When my younger sister was only a few weeks old, my mother became ill with
> pancreatitis and nearly died. She was hospitalised and my brother (16
months
> younger) and I were looked after by my somewhat eccentric father. We
didn't
> even have a car back then. My sister was looked after by a family friend,
> and my mother was not able to nurse her as she had my brother and I. I was
> not far off starting school at that stage.
> It was not without hiccups - my father set the wall above the oven on
fire,
> and the kindergarten phoned him to see why I hadn't been attending (I'd
tell
> him it was Saturday, or that there was no kindy today, and he'd believe
me -
> lol). In our case of course it was a temporary thing and fortunately Mum
> recovered. Looking back, we as children had no comprehension of the
> seriousness of the situation, and it wasn't as disruptive to our lives as
> you'd think - I'm pretty sure there were no long-lasting effects :-) She
> came home and we went on in our usual comically dysfunctional way.
Families
> seem to cope better with change than any other group in society. If only
we
> could bring that ability to the workplace!

Thank you for also sharing this. I'm so glad your mother survived. I
imagine that was a very tough time for your father! I'm glad to hear that
it was a devastating time for you kids. :)

I worry. I know I do! Kids are pretty resilient, though, and they'll
probably cope better than I do. I guess what's making me so frustrated is
their behavior now when I work 8 hours a week, and they act like I've
abandoned them. If I go to a doctor's appointment, they are all crabby and
clingy the next day. I'm like if they're like this now, what is going to be
like when the baby gets here and I have all these appointments to go to
besides having a newborn?? *sigh*

> >> It's such a shock, and such a lot to take in - especially when you're
> >> already tired and emotional from the usual demands of pregnancy. My
> > thoughts
> >> are with you all.
> >
> > Thank you. It doesn't help we've gotten a heat wave, either! :)
>
> You poor thing! I really feel for you. I was only newly pregnant over
> summer, and I found the (ordinary summer) heat unbearable.

Haha... I thought it was hot last week. We are having some true summer
weather this week... 90 degrees F and about 90% humidity. I really haven't
minded the heat too much, until the last two days. My hubby gets more
affected than I do. I just get really tired. He gets crabby. :) I
personally don't mind it being hot, it's just when the humidity gets so
heavy you can feel it weighing down on your chest and everything is sticky,
I get out of sorts. Sounds like we have a few more days left of it...

Joy

[Joybelle]

"Bryna" > wrote in message
ups.com...
>
> Joybelle wrote:
> >
> > I'm feeling so overwhelmed and so tired.
> >
> > Joy
>
> Of course you are! You are really doing great, though, so hang in
> there. You are making sure that the baby gets whatever he/she needs to
> start life with the best possible care. Not to mention taking care of
> your other kids *and* handling the drain of being pregnant itself.
> This baby is so lucky to have you for a mom. Please go easy on
> yourself and give yourself some TLC, if possible.

Thank you, Bryna. You are too sweet. :)

Joy

[Joybelle]

"sharalyns" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> ((hugs)) Joy! How frustrating to get differing opinions. I hope it can
> all get sorted out. What a long drive! :-P

Sharalyn, thanks so much for the hugs. It has been frustrating with the
differing opinions, but I think I'm just mostly frustrated with the whole
situation. I hate, hate, hate the drive. I really do, can you tell???
Here's hoping it gets better with time.

Joy

[Mum of Two]

"Joybelle" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Mum of Two" > wrote in message
> ...
>> "Joybelle" > wrote in message
>> ...
>
>> > I'm really conflicted about the c-section vs. vaginal! I'm sure if I
>> > go
>> > for
>> > a vaginal birth I'll be induced due to the distance, etc. I don't
>> > know.
>> > I
>> > have a lot to think about!
>>
>> I hope that one way or another you're happy with the outcome. It's an
> awful
>> feeling to feel like everything has been taken out of your hands. Even if
>> you end up planning for a c-section, there are still choices available to
>> you within that option. You have some time to think about it and go over
>> your options, which gives you a headstart on some women.
>
> Thanks, Amy. Having the headstart seems to be a blessing and a curse, if
> that makes any sense!

It makes total sense :-)

>> > I find myself going through so many different emotions. Sometimes I
> feel
>> > all protective and loving toward the baby and sometimes I feel so
>> > disassociated.
>>
>> Try not to feel bad about that - it's not an uncommon to have a lack of
>> emotion even with a healthy baby. I think it's a protective device. I
>> felt
>> that way a lot of the time with DD because of my previous loss and the
>> constant fear that she'd be taken in the same way. It continued after her
>> birth, when the fear changed and I became convinced she'd be taken from
>> me
>> in some other way - SIDS, car accident, you name it. For the first few
>> months of her life I felt like I was looking after someone else's baby,
> and
>> occasionally I still do. I think I was afraid to love her, but the love
> was
>> always there of course even when I buried it deep - I think you'll find
> the
>> same holds true for you. It doesn't make you a lesser parent in any way.
>
> Thanks for sharing this, Amy. I think you have an amazing strength. I've
> actually been feeling quite fearful lately of things happening to my other
> children. What a crazy jumble of emotions.

I don't think I'm any stronger than the next person. In fact I think I've
always had a deficit in the coping skills department. I think you find a way
to cope with whatever is thrown at you. Not as some people say "Life doesn't
give you more than you can handle" because that implies strong people get
given more to cope with! No...I think it's a human thing to cope and adapt
to the twists and turns that life takes, and most people do just fine. We
just don't know how strong each of us is until that resilience is tested.
It's normal for you to fear for your other children, but it doesn't mean
anything is going to happen to them. I think we all secretly think of
ourselves and our families as untouchable when it comes to grief and
illness. Your experience has just shaken your perspective up a bit and taken
away your perceived safety net. You don't suddenly become target practice
for misfortune just because lightning has struck once, even though it can
feel that way. Nor are you immune. Socrates once said, "If all our
misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal
portion, most people would be contented to take their own."

>> You do what you have to do, and try to have faith that it will work
>> itself
>> out. Life has a way of doing that.
>> When my younger sister was only a few weeks old, my mother became ill
>> with
>> pancreatitis and nearly died. She was hospitalised and my brother (16
> months
>> younger) and I were looked after by my somewhat eccentric father. We
> didn't
>> even have a car back then. My sister was looked after by a family friend,
>> and my mother was not able to nurse her as she had my brother and I. I
>> was
>> not far off starting school at that stage.
>> It was not without hiccups - my father set the wall above the oven on
> fire,
>> and the kindergarten phoned him to see why I hadn't been attending (I'd
> tell
>> him it was Saturday, or that there was no kindy today, and he'd believe
> me -
>> lol). In our case of course it was a temporary thing and fortunately Mum
>> recovered. Looking back, we as children had no comprehension of the
>> seriousness of the situation, and it wasn't as disruptive to our lives as
>> you'd think - I'm pretty sure there were no long-lasting effects :-) She
>> came home and we went on in our usual comically dysfunctional way.
> Families
>> seem to cope better with change than any other group in society. If only
> we
>> could bring that ability to the workplace!
>
> Thank you for also sharing this. I'm so glad your mother survived. I
> imagine that was a very tough time for your father! I'm glad to hear that
> it was a devastating time for you kids. :)
>
> I worry. I know I do! Kids are pretty resilient, though, and they'll
> probably cope better than I do. I guess what's making me so frustrated is
> their behavior now when I work 8 hours a week, and they act like I've
> abandoned them. If I go to a doctor's appointment, they are all crabby
> and
> clingy the next day. I'm like if they're like this now, what is going to
> be
> like when the baby gets here and I have all these appointments to go to
> besides having a newborn?? *sigh*

I'm sure it will be tough, no question about it. But I think your family
will survive it, and your ability as a family to endure will have been
tested and proven - that sort of thing can bring you closer. I don't think
I'm a better person for having lost my son, or a stronger person. What has
changed is that I'm aware now that whatever life throws at me, however
unthinkable it is at the time, I will probably endure.
I think what you've got to remember, is that by spending extra time with
this baby, both before and after birth, and by looking after yourself, you
don't become a lesser parent to your other children. All children have
different needs, even in the absence of a significant disability. Your other
children are and will be learning valuable lessons, about life not being
fair and equal all the time, and how other's needs are going to come before
their own sometimes. It will give them something of a headstart on life
experience! I don't see them resenting you or the baby for it, even if they
claim to in the short term.

>> >> It's such a shock, and such a lot to take in - especially when you're
>> >> already tired and emotional from the usual demands of pregnancy. My
>> > thoughts
>> >> are with you all.
>> >
>> > Thank you. It doesn't help we've gotten a heat wave, either! :)
>>
>> You poor thing! I really feel for you. I was only newly pregnant over
>> summer, and I found the (ordinary summer) heat unbearable.
>
> Haha... I thought it was hot last week. We are having some true summer
> weather this week... 90 degrees F and about 90% humidity. I really
> haven't
> minded the heat too much, until the last two days. My hubby gets more
> affected than I do. I just get really tired. He gets crabby. :) I
> personally don't mind it being hot, it's just when the humidity gets so
> heavy you can feel it weighing down on your chest and everything is
> sticky,

I hope the humidity lifts soon! We have often have humid summers too. The
humidity in Auckland was something like 98% one recent year if I remember
right. At that point it seemed like we should be swimming ;-)


--
Amy
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/
My blog: http://spaces.msn.com/members/querer-hijo-querer-hija/

[KC]

Joy,

I don't know much about this, but I have seen on tv where they repair
the spina bifida in the uterus while the baby is still little so the
open spot on the spine does not get rubbed on the uterus when the baby
gets bigger. On tv they said it helped the kids have alot less wrong
after they were born, because it is the rubbing on the open spot in
utero and during birth that causes the damage. Have you heard of that?
Is that a possibility for you guys? Just because of seeing that tv
show, I thought it might be better to birth by c-section if the spina
bifida is not closed before birth in order to rub on the spine less.

Good luck,

KC

[Joybelle]

"Mum of Two" > wrote in message
...

> I don't think I'm any stronger than the next person. In fact I think I've
> always had a deficit in the coping skills department. I think you find a
way
> to cope with whatever is thrown at you. Not as some people say "Life
doesn't
> give you more than you can handle" because that implies strong people get
> given more to cope with! No...I think it's a human thing to cope and adapt
> to the twists and turns that life takes, and most people do just fine. We
> just don't know how strong each of us is until that resilience is tested.
> It's normal for you to fear for your other children, but it doesn't mean
> anything is going to happen to them. I think we all secretly think of
> ourselves and our families as untouchable when it comes to grief and
> illness. Your experience has just shaken your perspective up a bit and
taken
> away your perceived safety net. You don't suddenly become target practice
> for misfortune just because lightning has struck once, even though it can
> feel that way. Nor are you immune. Socrates once said, "If all our
> misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an
equal
> portion, most people would be contented to take their own."

Yeah, I know it's an irrational fear that something might happen to my other
children. It's funny, when my first was born with clubfoot, and we decided
to have another, I really felt that lightning wouldn't strike twice. Now
we're dealing with something a bit more serious, and I feel like we have
been struck twice (and I've had two years of death with grandmas, an 18 yo
cousin dying in a car accident, and my mother almost dying from septicemia).
I know I'll deal, esp when the baby is here. Right now, the unknowns like
to creep on me now and then... What I find interesting is I am doing fine,
coping with it, anticipating the baby's arrival, enjoying the movement, and
then I go to a doctor's appointment, and the world collapses for a few days.
I guess having someone tell me something is wrong, you are going to have to
deal with this, freaks me out everytime, though, I know it on a daily basis.


> I'm sure it will be tough, no question about it. But I think your family
> will survive it, and your ability as a family to endure will have been
> tested and proven - that sort of thing can bring you closer. I don't think
> I'm a better person for having lost my son, or a stronger person. What has
> changed is that I'm aware now that whatever life throws at me, however
> unthinkable it is at the time, I will probably endure.

I think it will be tough, and I worry about how it's going to affect us. I
KNOW it will change things much more dramatically than just having a
"normal" baby, but we will make it through, I'm sure. Sometimes, though, at
night, especially, it can be overwhelming!

> I think what you've got to remember, is that by spending extra time with
> this baby, both before and after birth, and by looking after yourself, you
> don't become a lesser parent to your other children. All children have
> different needs, even in the absence of a significant disability. Your
other
> children are and will be learning valuable lessons, about life not being
> fair and equal all the time, and how other's needs are going to come
before
> their own sometimes. It will give them something of a headstart on life
> experience! I don't see them resenting you or the baby for it, even if
they
> claim to in the short term.

Thanks for the reminder. I'll have to remember, and let go of the guilt,
because I know that's what it is!!

> I hope the humidity lifts soon! We have often have humid summers too. The
> humidity in Auckland was something like 98% one recent year if I remember
> right. At that point it seemed like we should be swimming ;-)

Ah, reprieve! Finally, yesterday and today the weather has cooled
significantly, and the humidity has lessened greatly. It's only supposed to
last a couple of days, but still, it's a break. :)

Joy

[Joybelle]

"KC" > wrote in message
ups.com...
> Joy,
>
> I don't know much about this, but I have seen on tv where they repair
> the spina bifida in the uterus while the baby is still little so the
> open spot on the spine does not get rubbed on the uterus when the baby
> gets bigger. On tv they said it helped the kids have alot less wrong
> after they were born, because it is the rubbing on the open spot in
> utero and during birth that causes the damage. Have you heard of that?
> Is that a possibility for you guys? Just because of seeing that tv
> show, I thought it might be better to birth by c-section if the spina
> bifida is not closed before birth in order to rub on the spine less.

I have heard of the surgery. I think they do it at a certain point in the
pregnancy at 20-25 weeks. We found out at 25 weeks, so we really weren't
candidates for it. It also is very experimental, and we weren't sure if we
would have been comfortable with the risks even if we would have been
accepted to have the surgery.

The first peri we saw did tell us that a c-section would be more likely to
prevent damage to the spinal tissue. The second peri said that was only one
study, but still... Now, with the hydrocephalus, that might create some
potential problems, also. I'm really starting to think we'll go the
c-section route for a variety of reasons.

Thanks for your thoughts!

Joy

[Mum of Two]

"Joybelle" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Mum of Two" > wrote in message
> ...
>
>> I don't think I'm any stronger than the next person. In fact I think I've
>> always had a deficit in the coping skills department. I think you find a
> way
>> to cope with whatever is thrown at you. Not as some people say "Life
> doesn't
>> give you more than you can handle" because that implies strong people get
>> given more to cope with! No...I think it's a human thing to cope and
>> adapt
>> to the twists and turns that life takes, and most people do just fine. We
>> just don't know how strong each of us is until that resilience is tested.
>> It's normal for you to fear for your other children, but it doesn't mean
>> anything is going to happen to them. I think we all secretly think of
>> ourselves and our families as untouchable when it comes to grief and
>> illness. Your experience has just shaken your perspective up a bit and
> taken
>> away your perceived safety net. You don't suddenly become target practice
>> for misfortune just because lightning has struck once, even though it can
>> feel that way. Nor are you immune. Socrates once said, "If all our
>> misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an
> equal
>> portion, most people would be contented to take their own."
>
> Yeah, I know it's an irrational fear that something might happen to my
> other
> children. It's funny, when my first was born with clubfoot, and we
> decided
> to have another, I really felt that lightning wouldn't strike twice. Now
> we're dealing with something a bit more serious, and I feel like we have
> been struck twice (and I've had two years of death with grandmas, an 18 yo
> cousin dying in a car accident, and my mother almost dying from
> septicemia).
> I know I'll deal, esp when the baby is here. Right now, the unknowns like
> to creep on me now and then... What I find interesting is I am doing
> fine,
> coping with it, anticipating the baby's arrival, enjoying the movement,
> and
> then I go to a doctor's appointment, and the world collapses for a few
> days.
> I guess having someone tell me something is wrong, you are going to have
> to
> deal with this, freaks me out everytime, though, I know it on a daily
> basis.

Joy, I hope you didn't think I was trying to minimise your feelings in any
way. They're completely valid, even if they are sometimes irrational! There
are no right or wrong emotions. You just feel whatever you feel at the time.
We've had a rough last 12 months; we lost DH's grandfather and my
grandmother within 2 1/2 months of eachother. Somewhere in between one of
our cats went missing. In a miniscule space of time, an entire generation
was erased from both families, and it's at times like that that you can
really visualise the Grim Reaper hacking away at your family tree. The only
thing that made it bearable was having DD with us; had I still been pregnant
I think I would have lost it.

>> I'm sure it will be tough, no question about it. But I think your family
>> will survive it, and your ability as a family to endure will have been
>> tested and proven - that sort of thing can bring you closer. I don't
>> think
>> I'm a better person for having lost my son, or a stronger person. What
>> has
>> changed is that I'm aware now that whatever life throws at me, however
>> unthinkable it is at the time, I will probably endure.
>
> I think it will be tough, and I worry about how it's going to affect us.
> I
> KNOW it will change things much more dramatically than just having a
> "normal" baby, but we will make it through, I'm sure. Sometimes, though,
> at
> night, especially, it can be overwhelming!

I can understand why you're feeling overwhelmed! What you're going through
would be hard enough with a first baby, but you have your other children to
think of as well.

>> I think what you've got to remember, is that by spending extra time with
>> this baby, both before and after birth, and by looking after yourself,
>> you
>> don't become a lesser parent to your other children. All children have
>> different needs, even in the absence of a significant disability. Your
> other
>> children are and will be learning valuable lessons, about life not being
>> fair and equal all the time, and how other's needs are going to come
> before
>> their own sometimes. It will give them something of a headstart on life
>> experience! I don't see them resenting you or the baby for it, even if
> they
>> claim to in the short term.
>
> Thanks for the reminder. I'll have to remember, and let go of the guilt,
> because I know that's what it is!!
>
>> I hope the humidity lifts soon! We have often have humid summers too. The
>> humidity in Auckland was something like 98% one recent year if I remember
>> right. At that point it seemed like we should be swimming ;-)
>
> Ah, reprieve! Finally, yesterday and today the weather has cooled
> significantly, and the humidity has lessened greatly. It's only supposed
> to
> last a couple of days, but still, it's a break. :)

I hope it stays that way :-)


--
Amy
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/
My blog: http://spaces.msn.com/members/querer-hijo-querer-hija/