Something bothering me

[April & BabyStrongBow]

Hi all

Just want to know if this is pretty normal or not. Its been bugging me now
and bringing me down in the dumps. I have a real love for my unborn baby
already although I am SOOOOOO scared that im going to be a crappy mother.
Sometimes I can be really patient ect ect but recently I have been loseing
my temper with my dog Molly over things, she is being pretty distructive for
me and just not listening to a thing I say and sometimes I really lose it
with her. What happens if im the same with the baby and cant stay chilled
out. Im not a bad person but im scared of being a bad mum and also cot death
scares the **** out of me, is there anything I will be able to do to make
sure it does not happen to my baby apart from stay awake 24/7 which really
isnt an option. I am also a night owl and tend to stay awake until late and
then not wake up until 12pm or later, I have been saying that I am going to
change and start getting up at 7am and start getting a better routine but
this just aint happening. Im so scared of being a bad mummy cause I love
this baby to bits and so want to be a good mummy.

[Emily]

Hi April,

I think it's normal to be scared about
these things. Some touchstones that I think
help folks be good parents:

1. Always act out of love for your child
(which you have plenty!)

2. Remember that you're the adult --- when it
comes to a battle of wills or whatever, you
have to be the one to disengage.

3. Reach out to others for help. For most
of us, it's not possible to be good mommies
without some "me" time, so accept help from
other people!

As for SIDS (cot death) or any other harm that
might come to your child, you can't absolutely
prevent everything. All you can do is make
choices which reduce risks. For SIDS, that's:
back to sleep, no smoking (near baby or not),
no fluffy things in the baby's sleeping area
(soft mattresses, blankets, pillows).

Emily
--
DS 5/02
EDD Labor Day 9/5/05

[Grymma]

Emily wrote:
> Hi April,
>
> I think it's normal to be scared about
> these things. Some touchstones that I think
> help folks be good parents:
>
> 1. Always act out of love for your child
> (which you have plenty!)
>
> 2. Remember that you're the adult --- when it
> comes to a battle of wills or whatever, you
> have to be the one to disengage.
>
> 3. Reach out to others for help. For most
> of us, it's not possible to be good mommies
> without some "me" time, so accept help from
> other people!
>
> As for SIDS (cot death) or any other harm that
> might come to your child, you can't absolutely
> prevent everything. All you can do is make
> choices which reduce risks. For SIDS, that's:
> back to sleep, no smoking (near baby or not),
> no fluffy things in the baby's sleeping area
> (soft mattresses, blankets, pillows).
>

Also, it's possible the dog is acting up *because* you are pregnant - think
of them as your first child - they get jealous too! Try and fuss the dog a
little, I bet it's feeling left out of something, even if it doesn't know
quite what yet.

HTH
--
Grymma AFPOh Goddess Of Hangovers; B.F.(use 'reply to')
Single-handedly, I have fought my way into this hopeless mess.

[Angela]

Hi April,
I lose it with the cat all the time - for some reason she irritates the hell
out of me when I'm pregnant! I don't feel that way about DH or DD (who's 2
yrs) so I'm sure you're not alone with pregnancy temper!!
When DD was born, I would lie awake for ages worrying about her. She was
next to our bed and the number of times I would wake with a start and have
to check her was unreal. I think it's a normal reaction to something so
precious as a baby.
As for your routine, well I found that having a really flexible routine
benefited us most. Not everyone will agree, but if you're just not a routine
type of person, you'll only get more stressed trying to force a routine upon
yourself. Babies are not born with a routine, and adapting when you can
sleep etc is a great skill to have!
You obviously feel alot of love for this baby, and it's only natural to be
concerned, especially when it's your first time. I'm 31 weeks pg with number
2 and many of the worries are still there - it's just that I have the
experience now to know what to expect.
Believe in yourself!

Angela

[April & BabyStrongBow]

This is actually my 3rd pregnancy as I lost the other two so I suppose im
even more worried and stuff,


"Angela" > wrote in message
...
> Hi April,
> I lose it with the cat all the time - for some reason she irritates the
> hell
> out of me when I'm pregnant! I don't feel that way about DH or DD (who's 2
> yrs) so I'm sure you're not alone with pregnancy temper!!
> When DD was born, I would lie awake for ages worrying about her. She was
> next to our bed and the number of times I would wake with a start and have
> to check her was unreal. I think it's a normal reaction to something so
> precious as a baby.
> As for your routine, well I found that having a really flexible routine
> benefited us most. Not everyone will agree, but if you're just not a
> routine
> type of person, you'll only get more stressed trying to force a routine
> upon
> yourself. Babies are not born with a routine, and adapting when you can
> sleep etc is a great skill to have!
> You obviously feel alot of love for this baby, and it's only natural to be
> concerned, especially when it's your first time. I'm 31 weeks pg with
> number
> 2 and many of the worries are still there - it's just that I have the
> experience now to know what to expect.
> Believe in yourself!
>
> Angela
>
>

[Emily]

April & BabyStrongBow wrote:
> This is actually my 3rd pregnancy as I lost the other two so I suppose im
> even more worried and stuff,

((April)) --- that can certainly raise one's anxiety level!
Do you have any information yet to show that this pg is on
a different path than the others?

Emily
--
DS 5/02
Scheherazade, stillborn at 20w, 3/04
EDD Labor Day 9/5/05

[Linda]

"April & BabyStrongBow" > wrote in message
...
> Hi all
>
> Just want to know if this is pretty normal or not. Its been bugging me now
> and bringing me down in the dumps. I have a real love for my unborn baby
> already although I am SOOOOOO scared that im going to be a crappy mother.
> Sometimes I can be really patient ect ect but recently I have been loseing
> my temper with my dog Molly over things, she is being pretty distructive
> for me and just not listening to a thing I say and sometimes I really lose
> it with her. What happens if im the same with the baby and cant stay
> chilled out. Im not a bad person but im scared of being a bad mum and also
> cot death scares the **** out of me, is there anything I will be able to
> do to make sure it does not happen to my baby apart from stay awake 24/7
> which really isnt an option. I am also a night owl and tend to stay awake
> until late and then not wake up until 12pm or later, I have been saying
> that I am going to change and start getting up at 7am and start getting a
> better routine but this just aint happening. Im so scared of being a bad
> mummy cause I love this baby to bits and so want to be a good mummy.
Hi April - I don't know where you are so I don't know what products are
available where you are, but I'm planning on getting a sleeping pad sensor
etc that you put under the baby in the cot and if the baby stops breathing
it has a monitor that will go off. Cot death is also something that worries
me, but I have a friend who uses one, and she says they take a lot of the
worry out - although you have to remember to turn it off when you pick the
baby up!!

[Welches]

"April & BabyStrongBow" > wrote in message
...
> Hi all
>
> Just want to know if this is pretty normal or not. Its been bugging me now
> and bringing me down in the dumps. I have a real love for my unborn baby
> already although I am SOOOOOO scared that im going to be a crappy mother.
You're not going to be a bad mother.

What happens if im the same with the baby and cant stay chilled
> out. Im not a bad person but im scared of being a bad mum and also cot
> death scares the **** out of me, is there anything I will be able to do to
> make sure it does not happen to my baby apart from stay awake 24/7 which
> really isnt an option.
Get a movement monitor. It won't prevent it, but I found that it stopped me
waking at night worrying, and going to check too regularly.

I am also a night owl and tend to stay awake until late and
> then not wake up until 12pm or later, I have been saying that I am going
> to change and start getting up at 7am and start getting a better routine
> but this just aint happening.
Really pregnancy is not the best time to try getting up early! Get the sleep
you need to.
Neither of my babies have been waking up at 7. #1 slept 8:30pm to 8:30am
from 8 weeks. If you're a night owl, then don't put them down til 8:30 or
thereabouts, get blackout blinds so the light doesn't wake them (although it
makes no difference for #1), and you may well get a reasonably late morning.
#2 isn't anything like as good a sleeper, but she goes back to bed if she
wakes too early. On a usual day she'll wake between 7:30 and 8:30, but then
settles back for a breastfeed for 30-60 minutes giving you time to collect
you're thoughts!

I'm sure you'll be a great mummy!
Debbie

[Chookie]

In article >,
"April & BabyStrongBow" > wrote:

> with her. What happens if im the same with the baby and cant stay chilled
> out. Im not a bad person but im scared of being a bad mum

If you lose it with your child at some point, you'll be... just like the rest
of us. Yes, there will be times when you want to throw the baby out the
window. Wanting to throw the baby out the window doesn't make you a bad
mummy. Actually doing it is a different matter!

Do you have many RL friends with children?

> and also cot death
> scares the **** out of me, is there anything I will be able to do to make
> sure it does not happen to my baby apart from stay awake 24/7 which really
> isnt an option.

You haven't had better advice in the UK than that???

1. Put the baby down on its back to sleep -- always.
2. Make sure its head isn't covered (so no hats, no puffy duvets etc) during
sleep.
3. Don't smoke.

We've had a safe sleeping campaign running here for years, and yet when
researchers looked at sudden unexplained infant deaths in NSW in the last few
years, in something like 80-90% of the cases, at least one of these rules
wasn't followed. So SIDS is probably almost entirely preventable.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.

[April & BabyStrongBow]

> Hi April - I don't know where you are so I don't know what products are
> available where you are, but I'm planning on getting a sleeping pad sensor
> etc that you put under the baby in the cot and if the baby stops
> breathing it has a monitor that will go off. Cot death is also something
> that worries me, but I have a friend who uses one, and she says they take
> a lot of the worry out - although you have to remember to turn it off when
> you pick the baby up!!
>Yeah I have seen them about, I am in South Wales UK and I think this is
>something im going to have to use for peace of mind.

I have been quit for 1 Month, 1 Week, 3 Days, 10 hours, 15 minutes and 21
seconds (40 days). I have saved £194.05 by not smoking 808 cigarettes. I
have saved 2 Days, 19 hours and 20 minutes of my life. My Quit Date:
11/06/2005 04:30

[April & BabyStrongBow]

Hi thanks for the advice, yes I have a few RL friends with kiddies.


"Chookie" > wrote in message
...
> In article >,
> "April & BabyStrongBow" > wrote:
>
>> with her. What happens if im the same with the baby and cant stay chilled
>> out. Im not a bad person but im scared of being a bad mum
>
> If you lose it with your child at some point, you'll be... just like the
> rest
> of us. Yes, there will be times when you want to throw the baby out the
> window. Wanting to throw the baby out the window doesn't make you a bad
> mummy. Actually doing it is a different matter!
>
> Do you have many RL friends with children?
>
>> and also cot death
>> scares the **** out of me, is there anything I will be able to do to make
>> sure it does not happen to my baby apart from stay awake 24/7 which
>> really
>> isnt an option.
>
> You haven't had better advice in the UK than that???
>
> 1. Put the baby down on its back to sleep -- always.
> 2. Make sure its head isn't covered (so no hats, no puffy duvets etc)
> during
> sleep.
> 3. Don't smoke.
>
> We've had a safe sleeping campaign running here for years, and yet when
> researchers looked at sudden unexplained infant deaths in NSW in the last
> few
> years, in something like 80-90% of the cases, at least one of these rules
> wasn't followed. So SIDS is probably almost entirely preventable.
>
> --
> Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
> (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)
>
> "In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
> nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
> Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.

[April & BabyStrongBow]

Thanks Debby, I hope so. I think I might also be quite worried because my
own mother wasnt very good so I am proberbly really scared of following her
footsteps.
"Welches" > wrote in message
...
>
> "April & BabyStrongBow" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Hi all
>>
>> Just want to know if this is pretty normal or not. Its been bugging me
>> now and bringing me down in the dumps. I have a real love for my unborn
>> baby already although I am SOOOOOO scared that im going to be a crappy
>> mother.
> You're not going to be a bad mother.
>
> What happens if im the same with the baby and cant stay chilled
>> out. Im not a bad person but im scared of being a bad mum and also cot
>> death scares the **** out of me, is there anything I will be able to do
>> to make sure it does not happen to my baby apart from stay awake 24/7
>> which really isnt an option.
> Get a movement monitor. It won't prevent it, but I found that it stopped
> me waking at night worrying, and going to check too regularly.
>
> I am also a night owl and tend to stay awake until late and
>> then not wake up until 12pm or later, I have been saying that I am going
>> to change and start getting up at 7am and start getting a better routine
>> but this just aint happening.
> Really pregnancy is not the best time to try getting up early! Get the
> sleep you need to.
> Neither of my babies have been waking up at 7. #1 slept 8:30pm to 8:30am
> from 8 weeks. If you're a night owl, then don't put them down til 8:30 or
> thereabouts, get blackout blinds so the light doesn't wake them (although
> it makes no difference for #1), and you may well get a reasonably late
> morning. #2 isn't anything like as good a sleeper, but she goes back to
> bed if she wakes too early. On a usual day she'll wake between 7:30 and
> 8:30, but then settles back for a breastfeed for 30-60 minutes giving you
> time to collect you're thoughts!
>
> I'm sure you'll be a great mummy!
> Debbie
>

[Amy]

April & BabyStrongBow wrote:
> Thanks Debby, I hope so. I think I might also be quite worried because my
> own mother wasnt very good so I am proberbly really scared of following her
> footsteps.

That knife cuts both ways - my mother is so awesome, that I know
there's no way I could ever possibly live up to her. Even if I do my
absolute best, I'll probably always see myself as a failure because I
can't give my kid what my mom gave me.

Fortunately, I am able to give my kid one hell of a grandma, and I
picked out a great dad for him or her, too, so I'm compensating for my
obvious shortcomings as best I can. :)

We all just do the best we can with what we've got. Your mom did, my
mom did, and you and I will, too.

Try to stay positive - it's better for you and better for the baby. I
know it's hard, though. I won't even tell you about all the hysterical
crying jags I've been through in the last 8 months over various related
issues, ranging from, "THEY'RE NOT GOING TO LET ME TAKE THE BABY HOME
BECAUSE I'M CRAZY!!!" * to "HOW CAN I POSSIBLY RAISE A PERSON, I CAN
BARELY TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!!!" :)

Aren't hormones fun?

Amy (not actually crazy, and fairly adept at taking care of myself, but
just try telling my hormones that!!)

[April & BabyStrongBow]

Thats very true Amy. Recently my hormones have been playing tricks on me,
mainly guilt tricks and I find I get really upset over things with my hubby.
Last week when my hubby was home (he works away) I had a massive feeling of
guilt because I believed that I had been really horrible to him and not
given him enough time and I just felt awful and other time that I can not
put my finger on now I just had an anormous guilt feeling. Its gonna get
worse before it gets better isnt it? LOL

I have been quit for 1 Month, 1 Week, 3 Days, 13 hours, 14 minutes and 55
seconds (40 days). I have saved £194.64 by not smoking 811 cigarettes. I
have saved 2 Days, 19 hours and 35 minutes of my life. My Quit Date:
11/06/2005 04:30
"Amy" > wrote in message
oups.com...
>
>
> April & BabyStrongBow wrote:
>> Thanks Debby, I hope so. I think I might also be quite worried because my
>> own mother wasnt very good so I am proberbly really scared of following
>> her
>> footsteps.
>
> That knife cuts both ways - my mother is so awesome, that I know
> there's no way I could ever possibly live up to her. Even if I do my
> absolute best, I'll probably always see myself as a failure because I
> can't give my kid what my mom gave me.
>
> Fortunately, I am able to give my kid one hell of a grandma, and I
> picked out a great dad for him or her, too, so I'm compensating for my
> obvious shortcomings as best I can. :)
>
> We all just do the best we can with what we've got. Your mom did, my
> mom did, and you and I will, too.
>
> Try to stay positive - it's better for you and better for the baby. I
> know it's hard, though. I won't even tell you about all the hysterical
> crying jags I've been through in the last 8 months over various related
> issues, ranging from, "THEY'RE NOT GOING TO LET ME TAKE THE BABY HOME
> BECAUSE I'M CRAZY!!!" * to "HOW CAN I POSSIBLY RAISE A PERSON, I CAN
> BARELY TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!!!" :)
>
> Aren't hormones fun?
>
> Amy (not actually crazy, and fairly adept at taking care of myself, but
> just try telling my hormones that!!)
>

[Amy]

April & BabyStrongBow wrote:
> Thats very true Amy. Recently my hormones have been playing tricks on me,
> mainly guilt tricks and I find I get really upset over things with my hub=
by.
> Last week when my hubby was home (he works away) I had a massive feeling =
of
> guilt because I believed that I had been really horrible to him and not
> given him enough time and I just felt awful and other time that I can not
> put my finger on now I just had an anormous guilt feeling. Its gonna get
> worse before it gets better isnt it? LOL

Maybe, maybe not. You're getting to the end of the first trimester,
aren't you? It should get better from where you are. For me, just
recognizing that it was coming from hormones and that it wasn't "real"
helped - not that it isn't real in the sense that you're not feeling
it, because it feels real, but that it's a hormonal emotion, not an
authentic emotion. There's a difference between feeling sad because
someone died and feeling sad because you're hormonal, even though they
feel exactly the same sometimes. If you can say to yourself, "This is
hormonal, this is chemical, everything's fine..." sometimes you can
walk through the feeling faster. I cured myself of clinical depression
with that little trick, among others...

> I have been quit for 1 Month, 1 Week, 3 Days, 13 hours, 14 minutes and 55
> seconds (40 days). I have saved =A3194.64 by not smoking 811 cigarettes. I
> have saved 2 Days, 19 hours and 35 minutes of my life. My Quit Date:
> 11/06/2005 04:30

SO Proud of you! You're doing great with not smoking, and that's the
best thing in the world that you can do for your baby!! And think of
all the cute little baby clothes that you can buy with the money you've
saved!

Amy