Experts Top Ten ESSENTIALS List For Newborns?

[Zucca4]

Superstitious as I am, we haven't bought anything yet. I'm in my 21st week and
I feel like I still have a bunch of time. I know that I'd like the baby to
remain in our bedroom for the first 3-6 months as I will be nursing and I'd
like to have the baby very near. I have a very generous family and as the only
child I know I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like to
register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or what
people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers. I'm an ESL
teacher in downtown Flushing, NY and the parents of my students always tell me
how very little they had in their very rural parts of the world and yet how
happy and healthy their children turned out (I can attest to this as their
teacher) While I certainly wouldn't deprive my precious baby of anything I
also don't want to be overwhelmed with a ton of things I really don't need (as
in the case of my bridal shower :) )

What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?

Thanks,
Lisa

[Nina]

car seat
diapers
sleep n plays
a few blankets
thermometer
something to sleep in/on


"Zucca4" > wrote in message
...
> Superstitious as I am, we haven't bought anything yet. I'm in my 21st week
and
> I feel like I still have a bunch of time. I know that I'd like the baby
to
> remain in our bedroom for the first 3-6 months as I will be nursing and
I'd
> like to have the baby very near. I have a very generous family and as the
only
> child I know I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like to
> register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or
what
> people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers. I'm an ESL
> teacher in downtown Flushing, NY and the parents of my students always
tell me
> how very little they had in their very rural parts of the world and yet
how
> happy and healthy their children turned out (I can attest to this as their
> teacher) While I certainly wouldn't deprive my precious baby of anything
I
> also don't want to be overwhelmed with a ton of things I really don't need
(as
> in the case of my bridal shower :) )
>
> What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?
>
> Thanks,
> Lisa
>

[Karen Askey]

>What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?

Good breastfeeding support, but that's free!

Of things that you can get as a gift, I would say a few onesies, a few generous
sized blankets for swaddling, and diapers of your choice.

Other than that, you can get by with nothing else for a while!

koa
Still nursing James, 02/06/01
EP'ing for Joey 04/02/03 (BCP)

[Phoebe & Allyson]

Zucca4 wrote:

> What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?

a Boppy pillow
a tube of Lansinoh
a 6-pack of side-snap shirts (to use until the cord stump
falls off)
a 6-pack of newborn-size onesies
diapers of some variety or another
car seat
thermometer
nail clippers
gas drops
something to put the baby down in (bouncy seat, bassinet, etc.)
hand-me-down receiving blankets (they're softer)
car seat

Phoebe :)

[Nina]

"Karen Askey" > wrote in message
...
> >What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?
>
> Good breastfeeding support, but that's free!
>
> Of things that you can get as a gift, I would say a few onesies, a few
generous
> sized blankets for swaddling, and diapers of your choice.
>
> Other than that, you can get by with nothing else for a while!
>

Basically my list.

[Phoebe & Allyson]

Nina wrote:

> I bit my babies nails, never needed gas drops and had regular pillows.


Yeah, those things on my list are definitely YMMV things.

Caterpillar was born with fingernails so long she gave
herself bloody scratches before she was 24 hours old, and I
have to put her in mittens or trim her nails shorter than my
teeth can manage to prevent repeats. Haven't needed gas
drops since I started drinking fennel tea, but they were
great until I figured out tea was better. And I can nurse
with a regular pillow or no pillow, but if I'd had the Boppy
in the earliest, most exhausted days, I think I wouldn't
have gotten the mangled nipples from being unable to arrange
pillows and baby and self and stay upright at 4am.

Phoebe :)

[Astromum]

Zucca4 wrote:
>
> What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?
>

It's been a while, but my personal list would be:
diapers
a bunch of onesies
a few wrapping blankets
car seat
lots of cloth wipes
a bunch of cotton diapers
diaper rash cream
belly carrier or sling or stroller

Things that you can consider, but are of
a more personal nature:
crib
play-pen or bassinet or bouncing chair
massage oil

--
-- Ilse
mom to Olaf (07/15/2002)
TTC #2
"What's the use of brains if you are a girl?"
Aletta Jacobs, first Dutch woman to receive a PhD

[==Daye==]

On 18 Jul 2003 18:48:28 GMT, (Zucca4) wrote:

>I'd actually only like to
>register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or what
>people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers.

That is a very lovely thought. However, I would be offended if
you gave away my gift to the baby. If it was after the baby grew
out of the item (for clothes), then it would be fine. If you
gave it away before the baby even had a chance to use it, I would
be offended.

My attitude would be if I had wanted you to give my gift to the
shelter, I would have skipped you and made the donation myself.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

[Irish Marie]

"Karen Askey" > wrote in message
...
> >What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?
>
> Good breastfeeding support, but that's free!
>
Not necessarily!! What if you need to pay an LC??!!


--
Marie
Mum to DD5, DS3 and due #3 July '03

[Irish Marie]

"Zucca4" > wrote in message
...

>
> What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?
>
Ooh, I'm an expert now ;-)!!!!
Approx 5 babygros/onesies
Approx 8 vests
Bibs
Cellular blankets
car seat
stroller/sling
nappies
cotton wool
baby wipes


--
Marie
Mum to DD5, DS3 and due #3 July '03

[Sidheag McCormack]

Daye writes:

> That is a very lovely thought. However, I would be offended if you gave
> away my gift to the baby. If it was after the baby grew out of the item
> (for clothes), then it would be fine. If you gave it away before the
> baby even had a chance to use it, I would be offended.

> My attitude would be if I had wanted you to give my gift to the shelter,
> I would have skipped you and made the donation myself.

Ah - someone I can quiz about this issue! Hope you don't mind...

What *would* you want the OP to do with an unwanted gift, then?

It is not acceptable, in my view, to say "I want her to give it room in her
house and use it even though she doesn't want to". Nothing gives someone
the right to intrude into someone else's life and limited space in that
way. (You may disagree of course, but this is something I feel very
strongly about.)

So what is the alternative? Would it be better if she gave it back to you,
saying "I really appreciate the thought, but I don't want it"? I think most
people would find that worse - if only because they would definitely know
about it, wherea with luck they might never find out about a given-away
gift! Or what? Would it make a difference if she gave it to a friend of
hers, rather than to a shelter? Or if she managed to change it for
something else at the shop (not generally possible without the receipt here
anyway)? What other alternatives am I missing?

[For purposes of this post let's suppose it's something with a fairly long
life - we're not talking about something the OP would only have to put up
with for 8 weeks before she could give it away because the baby had
outgrown it - and that it's big enough that it's inconvenient to just store
it, even if that were considered better than giving it away.]

I ask because I have found this one of the hardest things about
decluttering - how do I rid myself of things that were gifts which I never
wanted in the first place? If I keep them in my house, disliking them every
time I see them, nobody benefits. But I feel guilty about getting rid of
them. When *I* am the giver I feel fairly relaxed about the idea of people
getting rid of things I've given them - if someone wants to, it's a sign
that I've made a mistake in my choice of gift, but it's not a cosmic-scale
disaster let alone an insult - but this is because I am so conscious of the
awfulness of not feeling able to, and in fact I tend to be very cautious
about giving non-consumables that haven't been specifically requested, for
this very reason. It's clear you don't feel the same as me - so how do you
feel, and what solution would you recommend, or do you adopt when you're
the receiver?

[I suppose we *could* argue that it's different because the things were
gifts to the baby not to the OP, and she's going to have to get used to the
baby having things she doesn't like. However, I don't think that's really
valid where a baby is concerned; it's not as though the baby gets to
make the decision. And I guess that you would feel the same if you'd given
something to the OP, anyway?]

(Let's take it as read that we've done all we can to prevent ourselves
getting unwanted gifts in the first place - there are various tactful ways
to persuade people not to give you things that you don't want in the first
place, but none of them are perfect, and that's not the interesting part of
the story, in my view.)

Sidheag
edd Oct 13th

[Larry McMahan]

Zucca4 > writes:
: Superstitious as I am, we haven't bought anything yet. I'm in my 21st week and
: I feel like I still have a bunch of time. I know that I'd like the baby to
: remain in our bedroom for the first 3-6 months as I will be nursing and I'd
: like to have the baby very near. I have a very generous family and as the only
: child I know I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like to
: register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or what
: people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers. I'm an ESL
: teacher in downtown Flushing, NY and the parents of my students always tell me
: how very little they had in their very rural parts of the world and yet how
: happy and healthy their children turned out (I can attest to this as their
: teacher) While I certainly wouldn't deprive my precious baby of anything I
: also don't want to be overwhelmed with a ton of things I really don't need (as
: in the case of my bridal shower :) )

: What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?

: Thanks,
: Lisa

At least two slings. A ring sling like the Nolo or OTSBH for when they are
older, and a sling like the Maya Wrap for a newborn.

A lot of mothers swear by the boppy pillow.

About 3 dozen cloth diapers (but I would go with a service for the first
3 to 4 months)

A sheepskin to put the baby on the floor for "tummy time."

Things NOT to buy: Cribs, playpens, exersaucers.

Larry

[Nina]

"Sidheag McCormack" > wrote in message
...
> Daye writes:
>
> > That is a very lovely thought. However, I would be offended if you gave
> > away my gift to the baby. If it was after the baby grew out of the item
> > (for clothes), then it would be fine. If you gave it away before the
> > baby even had a chance to use it, I would be offended.
>
> > My attitude would be if I had wanted you to give my gift to the
shelter,
> > I would have skipped you and made the donation myself.
>
> Ah - someone I can quiz about this issue! Hope you don't mind...
>
> What *would* you want the OP to do with an unwanted gift, then?
>
I give them to people who need them or can use them.


> It is not acceptable, in my view, to say "I want her to give it room in
her
> house and use it even though she doesn't want to". Nothing gives someone
> the right to intrude into someone else's life and limited space in that
> way. (You may disagree of course, but this is something I feel very
> strongly about.)
>
I agree. Or if u sy "I dont want my kids thinking HolidayA is all about
gifts, please dont buy them a bucnh of crap they dont need and wont use" and
then you still get a bunch of crap, when u are TRYING to teach the kids NOT
to buy into materialism etc. Its irritating to me.

> I ask because I have found this one of the hardest things about
> decluttering - how do I rid myself of things that were gifts which I never
> wanted in the first place?

I toss it, or give it away. If asked, I say "I was done with it" or "I didnt
have room anymore" and leave it at that. Once given, the gift is yours to do
with as you like.

[Ericka Kammerer]

Zucca4 wrote:


> I plan to register for exactly what I need and then politley request that the
> people who INSIST on giving a gift make a donation to a charity in the baby's
> name if they so desire.
>
> Our families are extreeeeeeeeeeeeemely generous and quite lavish. I work with
> needy children for a living and it makes me a little depressed to have so much
> stuff I don't need.
>
> I'm very into the whole "live simply so that others may simply live" mentality.
> I certainly don't mean to be rude.


Keep in mind that some (including most etiquette mavens) do
think that asking for charity donations in lieu of gifts in this
sort of situation *is* rude. If people want to give your baby
gifts, that is, after all, their prerogative. You may not like
what they've chosen, but it is their money and their right to do
with it as they please, according to their values. Where you
get to do what you want is once the gift is in your hands. As
long as you can do so discreetly, you can give away or sell
excess gifts and donate the money. You might find that if
you don't register at all, more people will give gift
certificates, which you could more easily use for donations.

Best wishes,
Ericka

[toypup]

"Zucca4" > wrote in message
...
> Superstitious as I am, we haven't bought anything yet. I'm in my 21st week
and
> I feel like I still have a bunch of time. I know that I'd like the baby
to
> remain in our bedroom for the first 3-6 months as I will be nursing and
I'd
> like to have the baby very near. I have a very generous family and as the
only
> child I know I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like to
> register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or
what
> people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers. I'm an ESL

I think you should wait until you know you won't use something before
donating it. Maybe you could try them out even to see if they are useful.
What's useful for someone else may not be useful for you and vice versa.
The homeless shelter won't mind a gift used a few times.

That said, we absolutely needed a baby ear thermometer. We had the regular
digital one, but when he was older and more fidgity, we got an ear
thermometer and I wonder how I ever lived without it.

Also: a carseat
a crib (he slept in our room for most of the first year in this)
a bassinet (that we converted to a changing station after he
outgrew it, better than the standard station for the high walls)
a nursing canopy (some would argue against it, but I find it much
better than a receiving blanket, which falls off)
a stroller

[toypup]

"Larry McMahan" > wrote in message
...
> Zucca4 > writes:
> : Superstitious as I am, we haven't bought anything yet. I'm in my 21st
week and
> : I feel like I still have a bunch of time. I know that I'd like the baby
to
> : remain in our bedroom for the first 3-6 months as I will be nursing and
I'd
> : like to have the baby very near. I have a very generous family and as
the only
> : child I know I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like
to
> : register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or
what
> : people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers. I'm an
ESL
> : teacher in downtown Flushing, NY and the parents of my students always
tell me
> : how very little they had in their very rural parts of the world and yet
how
> : happy and healthy their children turned out (I can attest to this as
their
> : teacher) While I certainly wouldn't deprive my precious baby of
anything I
> : also don't want to be overwhelmed with a ton of things I really don't
need (as
> : in the case of my bridal shower :) )
>
> : What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?
>
> : Thanks,
> : Lisa
>
> At least two slings. A ring sling like the Nolo or OTSBH for when they
are
> older, and a sling like the Maya Wrap for a newborn.
>
We have Newborn Snugli, Maya Wrap, Baby Bjorn and a Baby Trekker. Complete
waste of money. DS didn't like any of them.

> A lot of mothers swear by the boppy pillow.

We have one but only used it to prop DS on his side on the floor. If not
for that, it was also a waste of money.
>
> About 3 dozen cloth diapers (but I would go with a service for the first
> 3 to 4 months)
>
> A sheepskin to put the baby on the floor for "tummy time."

Never used that.
>
> Things NOT to buy: Cribs, playpens, exersaucers.

Used a crib and exersaucer. Those are my essentials. DS loved the
exersaucer. The playpen gathered dust.

[Valerie Rake]

I'd like to minimize the number of new things purchased for this
baby--I've tried to let people with kids know that I've they've got
stuff they no longer want or need, I'll take it. If they want it back,
I'll keep track of it and return it. If they're completely done with
it, I'll take responsiblity for passing it along to the next person (or
to trash, if it really has done all the service it can reasonably do).

That said, I received 3 big bags of baby clothes from a friend a couple
weeks ago. There were a good half-a-dozen outfits that had clearly
never been worn. Some even still had tags. When I called her thank her
for everything, we had a gentle laugh about those items that were
clearly gifts and had clearly been placed in the "not on _my_ child, not
in this lifetime" drawer. ;-) For the record, I had much the same
reaction to those items..... I think, since they are so nice but not my
style, they might get passed on to the Salvation Army or something.

Valerie

Sidheag McCormack wrote:

>Daye writes:
>[i]
> > That is a very lovely thought. However, I would be offended if you gave
> > away my gift to the baby. If it was after the baby grew out of the item
> > (for clothes), then it would be fine. If you gave it away before the
> > baby even had a chance to use it, I would be offended.
>
> > My attitude would be if I had wanted you to give my gift to the shelter,
> > I would have skipped you and made the donation myself.
>
>Ah - someone I can quiz about this issue! Hope you don't mind...
>
>What *would* you want the OP to do with an unwanted gift, then?
>
>It is not acceptable, in my view, to say "I want her to give it room in her
>house and use it even though she doesn't want to". Nothing gives someone
>the right to intrude into someone else's life and limited space in that
>way. (You may disagree of course, but this is something I feel very
>strongly about.)
>
>So what is the alternative? Would it be better if she gave it back to you,
>saying "I really appreciate the thought, but I don't want it"? I think most
>people would find that worse - if only because they would definitely know
>about it, wherea with luck they might never find out about a given-away
>gift! Or what? Would it make a difference if she gave it to a friend of
>hers, rather than to a shelter? Or if she managed to change it for
>something else at the shop (not generally possible without the receipt here
>anyway)? What other alternatives am I missing?
>
>[For purposes of this post let's suppose it's something with a fairly long
>life - we're not talking about something the OP would only have to put up
>with for 8 weeks before she could give it away because the baby had
>outgrown it - and that it's big enough that it's inconvenient to just store
>it, even if that were considered better than giving it away.]
>
>I ask because I have found this one of the hardest things about
>decluttering - how do I rid myself of things that were gifts which I never
>wanted in the first place? If I keep them in my house, disliking them every
>time I see them, nobody benefits. But I feel guilty about getting rid of
>them. When *I* am the giver I feel fairly relaxed about the idea of people
>getting rid of things I've given them - if someone wants to, it's a sign
>that I've made a mistake in my choice of gift, but it's not a cosmic-scale
>disaster let alone an insult - but this is because I am so conscious of the
>awfulness of not feeling able to, and in fact I tend to be very cautious
>about giving non-consumables that haven't been specifically requested, for
>this very reason. It's clear you don't feel the same as me - so how do you
>feel, and what solution would you recommend, or do you adopt when you're
>the receiver?
>
>
>
>(Let's take it as read that we've done all we can to prevent ourselves
>getting unwanted gifts in the first place - there are various tactful ways
>to persuade people not to give you things that you don't want in the first
>place, but none of them are perfect, and that's not the interesting part of
>the story, in my view.)
>
>Sidheag
>edd Oct 13th
>

[Phoebe & Allyson]

Valerie Rake wrote:

> I think, since they are so nice but not my
> style, they might get passed on to the Salvation Army or something.

A home for unwed teenagers or a women's shelter might like
them, too.

Phoebe :)

[Mary Gordon]

I'm the mother of three

Things I really thought were necessary:
1. Diapers, including some portable change pads, zinc cream, wipes. A
change table isn't a necessity.

2. One piece sleepers or onsies in a weight suitable to the climate
and season, a reasonable number - you go through many changes a day
due to spit ups, diaper leaks etc. Don't buy too many in advance in
small sizes - wait to see how big your baby is.

3. Carseat

4. Baby hat and sweaters/jackets and booties (I used those corduroy
slippers as booties - baby socks are the work of the devil). I didn't
use undershirts. I thought it was handier to stick a sweater or jacket
on baby if it was cool.

5. Receiving blankets (those flannelette squares that get used for
swaddling, wiping up messes, protecting clothing and furniture etc.
etc.). You can't have too many and the bigger they are the better.

6. Big diaper bag (this will be used for years, and become your
gigantic purse, full of baby supplies)

7. Stroller or carriage that has a seat that can be placed in a
reclined position to let baby lie flat for sleeping.

8. Moses basket - we coslept so never used a crib, but the moses
basket was handy for daytime naps - I could just pop baby into the
basket whereever in the house I happened to be working.

9. A couple of washable baby blankets. I liked those loose cotton
weave ones.

10. Batheeze or something similar to help with bathing - the Batheeze
is a wire and terry contraption that helps support the baby's head and
shoulders out of the water. They also make sponge things that do the
same thing. Just makes it easier to bathe a slippery baby. A baby tub
is not a necessity, but can be nice. Buy a big cheap one if you get
one so you get use out of it into the toddler years.

Mary G.

[Michelle J. Haines]

In article >, zucca4
@aol.com says...
>
> What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?

Car seat.
Baby sling.
Diapers of some variety (we use cloth).
A few gowns, onsies, and sleepers.
A few warm things.
A couple blankets as cover-ups in the car or to put down on the
floor.
Breasts (you already have those).

We like to have a swing, but it's not essential. If you do decide to
have one, the new folding swings are really nice, because they take
up a ton less space that the older ones.

Michelle
Flutist
--
In my heart. By my side.
Never apart. AP with Pride!
Katrina Marie (10/19/96)
Xander Ryan (09/22/98 - 02/23/99)
Gareth Xander (07/17/00)
Zachary Mitchell (01/12/94, began fostering 09/05/01)
Theona Alexis (06/03/03)

[==Daye==]

On 18 Jul 2003 23:33:52 +0100, Sidheag McCormack
> wrote:

>What *would* you want the OP to do with an unwanted gift, then?

How about she ask for the receipt and returns it for something
more useful? That would probably offend some people, but not me.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

[==Daye==]

On 18 Jul 2003 23:08:25 GMT, (Zucca4) wrote:

>How would you ever know? :)

Well, you just stated your intentions. If it isn't exactly what
I want or I get 2, I am giving it away. I would not buy your
baby a gift under those circumstances.

>I plan to register for exactly what I need and then politley request that the
>people who INSIST on giving a gift make a donation to a charity in the baby's
>name if they so desire.

Well, that is rude too. I mean, you can make the suggestion, but
ultimately it is up to the gift giver.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

[==Daye==]

On Fri, 18 Jul 2003 21:38:19 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
> wrote:

>The polite thing for the giver to do is to give the gift
>with no strings attached. Givers should not enquire too closely
>about what happened to a gift once given.

Well, I always give gifts with no strings attached. However, the
OP has said that if she doesn't like it or she gets 2, she is
donating it. That changes the face of it. Personally, if I was
her friend or family, I wouldn't get the baby anything based on
her intentions.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

[toypup]

"Larry McMahan" > wrote in message
...
> Zucca4 > writes:
> : Superstitious as I am, we haven't bought anything yet. I'm in my 21st
week and
> : I feel like I still have a bunch of time. I know that I'd like the baby
to
> : remain in our bedroom for the first 3-6 months as I will be nursing and
I'd
> : like to have the baby very near. I have a very generous family and as
the only
> : child I know I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like
to
> : register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or
what
> : people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers. I'm an
ESL
> : teacher in downtown Flushing, NY and the parents of my students always
tell me
> : how very little they had in their very rural parts of the world and yet
how
> : happy and healthy their children turned out (I can attest to this as
their
> : teacher) While I certainly wouldn't deprive my precious baby of
anything I
> : also don't want to be overwhelmed with a ton of things I really don't
need (as
> : in the case of my bridal shower :) )
>
> : What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?
>
> : Thanks,
> : Lisa
>
> At least two slings. A ring sling like the Nolo or OTSBH for when they
are
> older, and a sling like the Maya Wrap for a newborn.
>
We have Newborn Snugli, Maya Wrap, Baby Bjorn and a Baby Trekker. Complete
waste of money. DS didn't like any of them.

> A lot of mothers swear by the boppy pillow.

We have one but only used it to prop DS on his side on the floor. If not
for that, it was also a waste of money.
>
> About 3 dozen cloth diapers (but I would go with a service for the first
> 3 to 4 months)
>
> A sheepskin to put the baby on the floor for "tummy time."

Never used that.
>
> Things NOT to buy: Cribs, playpens, exersaucers.

Used a crib and exersaucer. Those are my essentials. DS loved the
exersaucer. The playpen gathered dust.

[toypup]

"==Daye==" > wrote in message
...
> On Fri, 18 Jul 2003 21:38:19 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
> > wrote:
>
> >The polite thing for the giver to do is to give the gift
> >with no strings attached. Givers should not enquire too closely
> >about what happened to a gift once given.
>
> Well, I always give gifts with no strings attached. However, the
> OP has said that if she doesn't like it or she gets 2, she is
> donating it. That changes the face of it. Personally, if I was
> her friend or family, I wouldn't get the baby anything based on
> her intentions.

Yeah. If I wanted someone to give my gift to charity, I'd have done it
myself. They should at least try out my gift first to see if they like it.

[Chotii]

"==Daye==" > wrote in message
...
> On Fri, 18 Jul 2003 21:38:19 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
> > wrote:
>
> >The polite thing for the giver to do is to give the gift
> >with no strings attached. Givers should not enquire too closely
> >about what happened to a gift once given.
>
> Well, I always give gifts with no strings attached. However, the
> OP has said that if she doesn't like it or she gets 2, she is
> donating it. That changes the face of it. Personally, if I was
> her friend or family, I wouldn't get the baby anything based on
> her intentions.

I'm afraid you've just contradicted yourself: if you give without strings,
then you will not use *her* criteria to decide whether you will give or not.

But to play devil's advocate: suppose for a moment that you bought her an
exersaucer, or a swing, or a bouncy chair. And 2 other people also bought
that same identical item. Where exactly do you think she will store the
extras? If she doesn't store them, what do you propose she do with them?
Suppose she gets 30 lovely little 'newborn' size onesies, and her baby is
born weighing 10 lbs and outgrows the onesies in a week, having worn only 10
of them?

Every giver is, of course, allowed to use her own criteria on whether she
will give someone a gift. If yours don't allow for her to choose what to do
with gifts once received, then of course you shouldn't give such a person
anything.

--angela

[Zucca4]

of course it is, but they's be pretty darn stoooopid to give me a gift when
they full well how I feel.... I'd rather not get a gift than crap I don't want
or need. Blessings and prayers and love toward my child are more important to
me than anything I could possibly receive that costs money.

But back to my original point: if someone gave me a gift I didn't want or need
I'd graciously accept it with a hug and a kiss and a warm thank you and then
pass it on to someone who could use it. I'd have no problem with you or anyone
else choosing not to give me a gift if you found that way of thinking
problematic. No one in my family's ego is so attached to a gift that they's
refrain based on anger toward my not keeping it. That's the problem. Our
realtives give ridiculously lavish presents, and while I'm touched, honored,
thankful etc. I consider it wasteful. Half of my students were born near rice
paddies and strapped to their mom's backs a few days after birth when they
returned to their jobs. Something tells me I don't neeeeeeeed a lotion-warmer
dispenser. This is precisely what I wanted to avoid.

And also the people in my family would never know. They give gifts from their
heart and and once given, like myself, don't "track" them.

Wasting things, and not making my feelings known, would be way ruder as far as
I'm concerned.

In NY where I live there are alot of needy people who are in dire need of
things some of the "polite" people here might allow to collect dust on a top
shelf of a closet somewhere.

Not me :)

A few years ago at our wedding as my husband was recovering from chemotherapy,
we made a donation to the Make A Wish foundation and personally sent a dying
child to Disney World in lieu of giving out the cheesy candles, Godiva
chocolate boxes, bottles of wine etc that are so common here. No one
complained. People thought it was a beautiful idea and strangely enough many of
our friends who married later followed yet. Better yet, when we decided to
donate a very large amount of our cash wedding gifts to a Hodgkins Research
group and proceeded to mention this in the appropriate "Thank You" notes,
there was not one person who said " You know Lisa, that $500 we gave you was
inetended for your Viking Stove or Sub Zero Fridge or garage restoration etc."
The gift was given to us with love, became "ours" and was used as we saw fit.

Sorry to harp on this, but it's so annoying to constantly be brought away from
the original query which was "essential" newborn items and not "Ms. Manners"
critiques.

Many thanks, btw, to the fantastic souls who responded with their lists. My
husband and I have really learned alot from your suggestions and will be taking
them into consideration.

:) thanks, Lisa
I

[toypup]

"Nina" > wrote in message
.. .
>
> "toypup" > wrote in message
> et...
> >
> > "Nina" > wrote in message
> > .. .
> > >
> > > "toypup" > wrote in message
> > > et...
> > > >
> > > > "==Daye==" > wrote in message
> > > > ...
> > > > > On Fri, 18 Jul 2003 21:38:19 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
> > > > > > wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > >The polite thing for the giver to do is to give the gift
> > > > > >with no strings attached. Givers should not enquire too closely
> > > > > >about what happened to a gift once given.
> > > > >
> > > > > Well, I always give gifts with no strings attached. However, the
> > > > > OP has said that if she doesn't like it or she gets 2, she is
> > > > > donating it. That changes the face of it. Personally, if I was
> > > > > her friend or family, I wouldn't get the baby anything based on
> > > > > her intentions.
> > > >
> > > > Yeah. If I wanted someone to give my gift to charity, I'd have done
> it
> > > > myself. They should at least try out my gift first to see if they
> like
> > > it.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > I wouldnt get her anything either, but I wouldn't have a negative
> attitude
> > > about it. I know there are LOTS of times when I just dont need
anything,
> > > dont have anywhere to put anything and dont want people wasting their
> > money
> > > getting me something I dont intend to use. <ost baby gifts tend to
fall
> > into
> > > the useless category, hecka lot of stuff parents buy never get used,
or
> > are
> > > used for such a short time that it really isnt worth spending a lot of
> > > money.
> >
> > I don't think wanting people to at least try out your gift first is
asking
> > too much or being too negative. Of course, I never ask someone what
> > happened to a gift once I give it, but I would like them to at least
have
> > tried it out before giving it away. If it's a gift which simply doesn't
> fit
> > or they have duplicates of, then I understand. I apply the principle to
> all
> > gifts I've received for DS, even having him wear outfits I don't
> > particularly care for. Who knows? I might like it on him. If I give
it
> > away afterwards, charity will still want it.
> >
> I suppose it depends on the type of gift. What do you mean try out? If I
> gave someone something and the child only wore it once adn the mother
didnt
> like it, I would feel I had wasted a gift. I'd rather give them soemthing
> they truly need, or else all I did was buy a gift for MY purposes not
> theirs.

I only give what I think they want or need. If they happen to not want it,
then I'd like them to try it to see if they like it (sometimes you might
change your mind). If they don't like it, then oh well. I tried, they
tried. No need for anyone to feel bad.

[toypup]

"Zucca4" > wrote in message
...
> A few years ago at our wedding as my husband was recovering from
chemotherapy,
> we made a donation to the Make A Wish foundation and personally sent a
dying
> child to Disney World in lieu of giving out the cheesy candles, Godiva
> chocolate boxes, bottles of wine etc that are so common here. No one
> complained. People thought it was a beautiful idea and strangely enough
many of
> our friends who married later followed yet.

The idea of giving to Make A Wish is very generous, but if you did that and
announced it to the guests that in lieu of favors, you made a donation, I
think it's cheesy. I mean, you should donate from the goodness of your
heart, not so you can announce it and have everyone applaud you for it. Of
course no one complained. That would be rude. They shouldn't expect favors
at a wedding and they shouldn't complain if they don't get one.

Better yet, when we decided to
> donate a very large amount of our cash wedding gifts to a Hodgkins
Research
> group and proceeded to mention this in the appropriate "Thank You" notes,
> there was not one person who said " You know Lisa, that $500 we gave you
was
> inetended for your Viking Stove or Sub Zero Fridge or garage restoration
etc."
> The gift was given to us with love, became "ours" and was used as we saw
fit.

No one I know gives cash gifts with strings attached. If what you wanted to
do was donate it to charity, so be it. I don't think donating to charity is
something that should be announced. That's just me. I think it should be
something from the heart, not done to get applause. You could always thank
the person for money and not say what it was used for. I just put money in
an account and use it. Where it goes, I don't know, it's all in a big pot.
When I give money, I don't expect someone to go out and buy something with
it and say it was from me, that would be silly. I know people who do it,
but the gift really wasn't from me, the money was. I expect the money will
go in their pot and someday, it will be used.

[Cheryl S.]

toypup > wrote in message
news:XepSa.104047$H17.32017@sccrnsc02...
>
> "Zucca4" > wrote in message
> ...
> > Better yet, when we decided to donate a very
> > large amount of our cash wedding gifts to a Hodgkins
> > Research group and proceeded to mention this in the
> > appropriate "Thank You" notes, there was not one person
> > who said " You know Lisa, that $500 we gave you was
> > inetended for your Viking Stove or Sub Zero Fridge or
> > garage restoration etc."
>
> No one I know gives cash gifts with strings attached. If what
> you wanted to do was donate it to charity, so be it. I don't
> think donating to charity is something that should be announced.

I don't think the OP mentioned the charity donation in her thank you
notes in order to gain personal recognition for her generosity. IME it
is customary to say in the thank you note what gifts of money were, or
are going to be, used for. I had thought the general format for a thank
you note for money went along the lines of, "Thank you for your generous
gift of money [always "generous" there - never listing the amount or
using any other adjective]. We used it/plan to use it for X. We will
enjoy X and use it often. We look forward to seeing you soon
[mentioning a specific occasion if possible]."
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 3 mo.
And a boy, EDD 4.Sept

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

[Cheryl S.]

Zucca4 > wrote in message
...
> I have a very generous family and as the only child I know
> I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like to
register/keep
> that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or what
> people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers.
> I'm an ESL teacher in downtown Flushing, NY and the parents
> of my students always tell me how very little they had in their very
> rural parts of the world and yet how happy and healthy their children
> turned out (I can attest to this as their teacher) While I certainly
> wouldn't deprive my precious baby of anything I also don't want
> to be overwhelmed with a ton of things I really don't need (as
> in the case of my bridal shower :) )
>
> What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?

My advice would be to just keep everything you're given until the baby
is a few months old, with tags on and in original packaging. By then
you will know for yourself what your "MUST HAVE"s are (since they do
vary from baby to baby), and you can still donate everything else. It
won't make a difference to the charity IMO, for you to give them things,
e.g., in March rather than December (not sure of your EDD). I would
also suggest, that you exchange whatever you can't use for things that
are more essential before making your donation. If it's not useful to
you, it's probably not going to be that helpful to someone else either.
A wipes warmer is not going to do much good to a charity recipient who
cannot afford the wipes to go in it. Better to donate a regular tub
full of wipes; lotion rather than a lotion dispenser; or diapers over a
diaper-stacker. I think it is very good of you to be thinking of those
less-fortunate and how you can help them using your unneeded baby gifts.
I don't think that I would announce your donation plans in advance, to
your potential gift-givers though. [Not that you necessarily were going
to do that] I would probably keep anything that was hand-made. If it's
not your style, just put it on the baby once, long enough to snap a
picture to send to the giver.

FWIW, my list of "must have"s is:

- diapers
- wipes
- place to change baby (I liked having a contoured pad on top of Julie's
dresser, and 3 removable terrycloth covers)
- place to bathe baby
- washcloths
- hooded towels
- clothes
- receiving blankets (how many? YMMV. Some people can use 20, I used
about 4)
- carrier (sling and/or Baby Bjorn)
- car seat
- place for baby to sleep
- nursing bras
- bra pads for leaking breastmilk
- _The Nursing Mother's Companion_ by Kathleen Huggins, or similar good
reference (NOT _The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding_)
- good source of in-person advice on correct latch and other bf issues
(LLL, an IBCLC, or as in my case, an experienced neighbor)
- a dozen or so cheap cloth diapers to use as shoulder/lap/burp pads to
catch spit up and, uh, other stuff
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 3 mo.
And a boy, EDD 4.Sept

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

[Lynne M.]

(Zucca4) wrote in message >...
> of course it is, but they's be pretty darn stoooopid to give me a gift when
> they full well how I feel.... I'd rather not get a gift than crap I don't want
> or need. Blessings and prayers and love toward my child are more important to
> me than anything I could possibly receive that costs money.
>
> But back to my original point: if someone gave me a gift I didn't want or need
> I'd graciously accept it with a hug and a kiss and a warm thank you and then
> pass it on to someone who could use it. I'd have no problem with you or anyone
> else choosing not to give me a gift if you found that way of thinking
> problematic. No one in my family's ego is so attached to a gift that they's
> refrain based on anger toward my not keeping it. That's the problem. Our
> realtives give ridiculously lavish presents, and while I'm touched, honored,
> thankful etc. I consider it wasteful. Half of my students were born near rice
> paddies and strapped to their mom's backs a few days after birth when they
> returned to their jobs. Something tells me I don't neeeeeeeed a lotion-warmer
> dispenser. This is precisely what I wanted to avoid.
>
Well, you seem like a very straightforward person, so what is the problem?
TELL all your relatives that you will only be using a very few things
and will donate *anything* that is not on your minimal list to
charity. If you were my relative, I'd much rather hear that in the
first place than waste my time getting something you might not like.
I think baby registries are tacky anyway; I *think* I am capable of
finding a few useful things on my own, or in your case, nothing at
all. Best wishes,

Lynne

[Lynne M.]

(Zucca4) wrote in message >...
> Superstitious as I am, we haven't bought anything yet. I'm in my 21st week and
> I feel like I still have a bunch of time. I know that I'd like the baby to
> remain in our bedroom for the first 3-6 months as I will be nursing and I'd
> like to have the baby very near. I have a very generous family and as the only
> child I know I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like to
> register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or what
> people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers. I'm an ESL
> teacher in downtown Flushing, NY and the parents of my students always tell me
> how very little they had in their very rural parts of the world and yet how
> happy and healthy their children turned out (I can attest to this as their
> teacher) While I certainly wouldn't deprive my precious baby of anything I
> also don't want to be overwhelmed with a ton of things I really don't need (as
> in the case of my bridal shower :) )
>
> What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?
>
> Thanks,
> Lisa

Sorry to follow up on my own post, but I'd like to mention that there
is no need to concentrate solely on newborn necessities if you
are interested in directing your relatives toward "must-haves." Those
of us who have been through kid stuff frequently buy larger clothes
and jackets as baby gifts, knowing that others are focusing on little
things. Depending on where you live, your baby may well need warm
jackets and sweaters, sweatshirts, knit pants, and whatnot.
They aren't going to get any smaller, and those size 2 and 3 sweatshirts
with the hoods can come in real handy someday. (I just got a great deal
on a size 2 polarfleece outer suit for a kid who hasn't even been
born yet. Not suitable for folks in Florida, but very useful for
a kid in Wisconsin. It's not gonna rot in a year-and-a-half, and
these things can be expensive.)

I know that people often get fixated on the newborn stuff, but that
time will pass *so* quickly. You might also ask for help on big
ticket items that you may need: carseat, stroller (some people
never use them; I totally depended on mine), backpack, diapers,
diaper bag, and so on. I can well see that folks would like to avoid
impractical things, but this baby has a lot of growing to do.
Hope that's helpful --

Lynne

[Ericka Kammerer]

Cheryl S. wrote:


> I don't think the OP mentioned the charity donation in her thank you
> notes in order to gain personal recognition for her generosity. IME it
> is customary to say in the thank you note what gifts of money were, or
> are going to be, used for. I had thought the general format for a thank
> you note for money went along the lines of, "Thank you for your generous
> gift of money [always "generous" there - never listing the amount or
> using any other adjective]. We used it/plan to use it for X. We will
> enjoy X and use it often. We look forward to seeing you soon
> [mentioning a specific occasion if possible]."


You are correct. I'm not sure what the feeling would be
about saying one gave the money to charity, as some could interpret
that as a rejection of a gift meant to be of personal benefit to
the recipient. One might be able to dodge that bullet with the
appropriate wording, though--maybe something along the lines of,
"Thank you so much for your very generous gift, which enabled us
to fulfill our dream of supporting research to cure X," or
something like that which makes it clear that while the money
was passed along to someone else, being able to do so was
perceived as a much appreciated gift by the recipients.

Best wishes,
Ericka

[toypup]

"Ericka Kammerer" > wrote in message
...
> Cheryl S. wrote:
>
>
> > I don't think the OP mentioned the charity donation in her thank you
> > notes in order to gain personal recognition for her generosity. IME it
> > is customary to say in the thank you note what gifts of money were, or
> > are going to be, used for. I had thought the general format for a thank
> > you note for money went along the lines of, "Thank you for your generous
> > gift of money [always "generous" there - never listing the amount or
> > using any other adjective]. We used it/plan to use it for X. We will
> > enjoy X and use it often. We look forward to seeing you soon
> > [mentioning a specific occasion if possible]."
>
>
> You are correct. I'm not sure what the feeling would be
> about saying one gave the money to charity, as some could interpret
> that as a rejection of a gift meant to be of personal benefit to
> the recipient. One might be able to dodge that bullet with the
> appropriate wording, though--maybe something along the lines of,
> "Thank you so much for your very generous gift, which enabled us
> to fulfill our dream of supporting research to cure X," or
> something like that which makes it clear that while the money
> was passed along to someone else, being able to do so was
> perceived as a much appreciated gift by the recipients.

I suppose I would appreciate that wording. Didn't think of it, though. I
do know of the standard thank you for money, I just don't think it's always
appropriate. Also, I don't always have a plan for the money, but it's
always appreciated.

[==Daye==]

On Sat, 19 Jul 2003 23:39:22 GMT, "toypup" >
wrote:

> I apply the principle to all
>gifts I've received for DS, even having him wear outfits I don't
>particularly care for. Who knows? I might like it on him.

My DD wore every outfit that was given to her, at least once.
There were several outfits that I didn't like or were not very
practical, but they were worn at least once. I still have them
for the next baby.

I will not be giving the clothes to charity, but to my SIL, when
she has her baby.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

[==Daye==]

On Sat, 19 Jul 2003 22:56:28 GMT, "Chotii"
> wrote:

>I'm afraid you've just contradicted yourself: if you give without strings,
>then you will not use *her* criteria to decide whether you will give or not.

Once the gift is given, there are no strings attached. However,
knowing people's intentions can influence whether or not the gift
is given in the first place. No contracdiction.

I truly didn't intend for this to be a big thing that it has
turned into. I simply wanted the OP to know that she could
offend people if she donated gifts to charity. That is all.

This is also my last post on the subject.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

[==Daye==]

On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 11:32:23 +1000, "Lee"
> wrote:

>until baby is big enough to go in the bath with you

My baby went into the bath with me at the age of about 3 weeks.
I wasn't able to bathe her at that age by myself, but I have
always had her in the bath with me.

How we did it: I got into the bath with DD. I bathed her, and
then called her Daddy. Daddy took her, dried her and dressed
her.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

[toypup]

"==Daye==" > wrote in message
...
> On Sat, 19 Jul 2003 23:39:22 GMT, "toypup" >
> wrote:
>
> > I apply the principle to all
> >gifts I've received for DS, even having him wear outfits I don't
> >particularly care for. Who knows? I might like it on him.
>
> My DD wore every outfit that was given to her, at least once.
> There were several outfits that I didn't like or were not very
> practical, but they were worn at least once. I still have them
> for the next baby.
>
> I will not be giving the clothes to charity, but to my SIL, when
> she has her baby.

DS's clothes are going to my next child or SIL. We'll donate to charity
afterwards.

[lynn]

In article >,
(Zucca4) wrote:

> Superstitious as I am, we haven't bought anything yet. I'm in my 21st week and
> I feel like I still have a bunch of time. I know that I'd like the baby to
> remain in our bedroom for the first 3-6 months as I will be nursing and I'd
> like to have the baby very near. I have a very generous family and as the only
> child I know I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like to
> register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or what
> people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers. I'm an ESL
> teacher in downtown Flushing, NY and the parents of my students always tell me
> how very little they had in their very rural parts of the world and yet how
> happy and healthy their children turned out (I can attest to this as their
> teacher) While I certainly wouldn't deprive my precious baby of anything I
> also don't want to be overwhelmed with a ton of things I really don't need (as
> in the case of my bridal shower :) )
>
> What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?
>
> Thanks,
> Lisa
>

Also, don't be so sure that people will only be giving you newborn
stuff. There's a lot of things that have a longer span of usefulness,
that people tend to give. Clothes in older sizes (I won't give clothes
that are smaller than size 6 months, since the time passes so quickly).
Toys and books - as a teacher, you probably value books, and we got lots
as gifts. You will love reading board books to your baby, and you'll
want a variety. And there's lots of little stuff you might find useful -
towels and washcloths, cloth diapers (as spit-up cloths even if you're
using disposable diapers), toiletry and drug store items (brush and
comb, thermometer, medicine, pacifiers, teething rings).

You can also register for big ticket items; maybe people will go in on
them. You don't need a crib - but you might want one. Or a rocking
chair. A high chair. Bottles. A breast pump. A toy chest. A stroller.

It won't be like your bridal shower - baby shower gifts tend to be a lot
more useful - as a bride you had lots of woman stuff already, but your
baby won't have any baby stuff yet. :-)

- Lynn

[Jenrose]

"Zucca4" > wrote in message
...
> Superstitious as I am, we haven't bought anything yet. I'm in my 21st week
and
> I feel like I still have a bunch of time. I know that I'd like the baby
to
> remain in our bedroom for the first 3-6 months as I will be nursing and
I'd
> like to have the baby very near. I have a very generous family and as the
only
> child I know I will be reciving a lot of gifts. I'd actually only like to
> register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or
what
> people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers. I'm an ESL
> teacher in downtown Flushing, NY and the parents of my students always
tell me
> how very little they had in their very rural parts of the world and yet
how
> happy and healthy their children turned out (I can attest to this as their
> teacher) While I certainly wouldn't deprive my precious baby of anything
I
> also don't want to be overwhelmed with a ton of things I really don't need
(as
> in the case of my bridal shower :) )
>
> What do you baby experts deem MUST HAVE?
>
> Thanks,
> Lisa
>

Sling.
'nother sling.
Boobs.
Carseat
Diapers (maybe)
Everything else is optional.

Might add in another sling or two, in case one ends up in the wash...

Jenrose

[Jenrose]

"==Daye==" > wrote in message
...
> On 18 Jul 2003 18:48:28 GMT, (Zucca4) wrote:
>
> >I'd actually only like to
> >register/keep that which is absolutley nescessary and donate the rest or
what
> >people would have given to a shelter or home for young mothers.
>
> That is a very lovely thought. However, I would be offended if
> you gave away my gift to the baby. If it was after the baby grew
> out of the item (for clothes), then it would be fine. If you
> gave it away before the baby even had a chance to use it, I would
> be offended.
>
> My attitude would be if I had wanted you to give my gift to the
> shelter, I would have skipped you and made the donation myself.
>

Oy.
Frankly, once you've given a gift, it's time to let it go... I've seen moms
receive things I would NEVER put on a baby (either unsafe, or butt-ugly 100%
polyester in a nasty shade of green, or whatever else...) and I have too
much darned stuff to keep something we flat out won't use. Not you say
*your* gift wouldn't be useful...

I'm a great gift-giver, most of the time. But even some of mine fall kind of
flat and I'd rather things go where someone will need/use/want them than
that they be kept on a shelf out of fear of offending me.

Now, as to the OP... you can't "insist" or even really "request" that
donations be made in lieu of gifts... You won't be throwing your own shower
and you don't get to presume to tell others what to give you unless and
until they ask you outright. *If* they ask you outright, you can make that
request.

But for those giving gifts, you give the gift out of love and with the hopes
that it will "hit the spot" and be useful, loved, etc. But if you miss
somehow, and it isn't "perfect" or useful to the recipient, it's a waste of
energy to be offended. The error is not theirs--you just missed the mark a
bit! They are not obliged to keep your gift if it is not useful to them.

That said, it's impossible to know before a child is born which gifts will
be useful and which will not. So planning to give something away before
you've even gotten it is a bit premature.

Jenrose

[Jenrose]

"Ericka Kammerer" > wrote in message
...
> Zucca4 wrote:
<snip>
>
> Keep in mind that some (including most etiquette mavens) do
> think that asking for charity donations in lieu of gifts in this
> sort of situation *is* rude. If people want to give your baby
> gifts, that is, after all, their prerogative. You may not like
> what they've chosen, but it is their money and their right to do
> with it as they please, according to their values. Where you
> get to do what you want is once the gift is in your hands. As
> long as you can do so discreetly, you can give away or sell
> excess gifts and donate the money. You might find that if
> you don't register at all, more people will give gift
> certificates, which you could more easily use for donations.
>
> Best wishes,
> Ericka
>

I remember when my daughter was born, I was given a very religious book from
a faith not my own, by someone who was fairly evangelical and thought I
needed saving. I sent her a lovely thank you note and took the thing back to
a store and got money back in exchange. At that point in my life, as a
young, single mother, I needed money far more than I needed proselytizing.
It was definitely a gift where she spent her money where she saw fit, and I
recognized that it came from a position of generousity, not criticism. That
said, it was something directly contrary to most of my personal religious
beliefs and not something I wanted on my shelf.

Jenrose

[toypup]

"Jenrose" > wrote in message
...
>
> "toypup" > wrote in message
> news:hY5Sa.82586$GL4.21286@rwcrnsc53...
> <snip>
> > >
> > We have Newborn Snugli, Maya Wrap, Baby Bjorn and a Baby Trekker.
> Complete
> > waste of money. DS didn't like any of them.
>
> I'd say a Newborn Snugli is probably a waste of money for most people. The
> Baby Bjorn--I'm not particularly fond of that way of carrying a baby
> myself, but lots of people like them. The Maya Wrap...How were you putting
> the baby in? I find that the best approach to an unpadded sling is to make
> it mimic your arms as much as possible. Where do you normally carry your
> baby? How old was your baby when you tried them?
>

I tried him at all different ages and positions. We would try, stop, try
stop, try stop. He never got comfy and the sides would often cut into him
if any part of him hang out of it. Still, I used it for the occasional
vacuuming. Lots of moms use slings and such in our playgroup. Honestly, I
never think other babies look very comfy in those things, either. That's
JMO. They aren't always crying, but they don't look real content, like they
know they can't escape so why bother. I watched one mom walk around with
her baby in a Snugli facing forward, but his head was too low and he
couldn't see anything. That can't be much fun or stimulating. He didn't
look happy, either, but he wasn't complaining. Another reason I don't think
they are truly comfy is that I never see any of the playgroup babies laugh
and play in those things; they never smile. Some of them are old enough to.
They always have this sort of sad expression. Don't flame me, I know YOUR
babies are comfy. Mine just wasn't and IME, many others aren't, either.

[aps]

In article >, Jenrose >
wrote:

> I'd say a Newborn Snugli is probably a waste of money for most people. The
> Baby Bjorn--I'm not particularly fond of that way of carrying a baby
> myself, but lots of people like them. The Maya Wrap...How were you putting
> the baby in? I find that the best approach to an unpadded sling is to make
> it mimic your arms as much as possible. Where do you normally carry your
> baby? How old was your baby when you tried them?

Our daughter is so-so about the slings (maya pouch and otsbh) for just
about exactly that reason. We pretty much carry her upright with a hand
under her bum and a hand cradling her head. She gets irritated if we
lay her fully into the sling, but she'll abide it if we keep her
shoulders out and support her head with a hand. I figue it's for the
same reason she gets aggravated by tight swaddling--she'll literally
fuss and grunt and squirm until she gets both arms free, then she's
content.

The Baby Bjorn in our case works great, because she's contentedly
chest-to-chest a large part of the day anyway. We sort of envy the
slinging folks that walk around with a lumpy sack around their
shoulder, but frankly we prefer the urbane style of the Bjorn to the
crashed-through-the-ecuadorean-crafts-booth-on-a-unicycle look of most
slings anyway. In any case, the Bjorn is totally worth the extra you
pay for it compared to the Snugli: it's made to support the baby's
lower torso, whereas an infant tends to collapse into a less
structured frontpack.

One thing the slings have going for them is that you can use them right
off the bat, where a baby needs to be 8 lbs for the Bjorn.

I'd say the bottom line is that you'll probably find a carrier to be a
godsend, but you're better off assessing your newborn's particular
comfort modalities before dropping $40 for a loop of cotton or $70 for
a modified seat cushion. OTOH, your baby will over time become inured
to what you offer it, so having one ahead of time (or keeping one
received as a gift) isn't a bad idea either.

On the main topic, you can get by with 2 onesies and some diapering
supplies until you know how big your proj turns out to be. We stocked
up on bigger clothes after reading here that they go through them
quickly, only to have to seek out the smaller side of 0-3 months for
our 7 lb daughter, who is still wearing the small stuff at 8wks/10lbs.
We tended to run out a lot at first--it's nice to get away for an hour
or so--but what we really wished we had ahead of time was stuff for
engorgement: a pump, breast pads, nipple shield, those hot/cold packs.

APS

[Jenrose]

"toypup" > wrote in message
news:eCiTa.119374$ye4.87033@sccrnsc01...
>
> "Jenrose" > wrote in message
> ...
> >
> > "toypup" > wrote in message
> > news:hY5Sa.82586$GL4.21286@rwcrnsc53...
> > <snip>
> > > >
> > > We have Newborn Snugli, Maya Wrap, Baby Bjorn and a Baby Trekker.
> > Complete
> > > waste of money. DS didn't like any of them.
> >
> > I'd say a Newborn Snugli is probably a waste of money for most people.
The
> > Baby Bjorn--I'm not particularly fond of that way of carrying a baby
> > myself, but lots of people like them. The Maya Wrap...How were you
putting
> > the baby in? I find that the best approach to an unpadded sling is to
make
> > it mimic your arms as much as possible. Where do you normally carry your
> > baby? How old was your baby when you tried them?
> >
>
> I tried him at all different ages and positions. We would try, stop, try
> stop, try stop. He never got comfy and the sides would often cut into him
> if any part of him hang out of it.

I've found that adjusting the sling's edges to make sure that baby's weight
is being primarily supported by the middle of the sling vs. the edges can
help a lot.

> Still, I used it for the occasional
> vacuuming. Lots of moms use slings and such in our playgroup. Honestly,
I
> never think other babies look very comfy in those things, either. That's
> JMO. They aren't always crying, but they don't look real content, like
they
> know they can't escape so why bother. I watched one mom walk around with
> her baby in a Snugli facing forward, but his head was too low and he
> couldn't see anything.

Huh. I've seen babies look less than content in a sling, but compared to the
screaming hell that was WalMart yesterday with babies in carriers and
strollers yelling their heads off while parents tried to quiet them with
pacifiers, I'm wondering what you're comparing it to. When I've used slings
with babies, I tend to make the sling mimic positions I would to carry baby
in my arms, and I get no complaints. It's not about "they can't escape", but
that they are just content to be next to Mom and watch.

Recently I've had the chance to use a sling with a 4-year-old. She LOVES it.
Newborns don't really know the difference if you position them well--they
just are glad to be next to Mom. That's one reason I love the new "rings
down" positions with unpadded slings, especially two slings, crossed. You
can basically imitate natural positions you'd carry a baby in anyway, so
it's less an issue of a "how they look in a sling" and more an issue of
"babies like to be held."

> That can't be much fun or stimulating. He didn't
> look happy, either, but he wasn't complaining. Another reason I don't
think
> they are truly comfy is that I never see any of the playgroup babies laugh
> and play in those things; they never smile. Some of them are old enough
to.

Recently I put a 9 month old in the sling, and pulled it up so it was
supporting him all the way up to his shoulders. Then I put a hand on his
back and bent over. He started giggling like it was the best game yet. I did
the same thing with a 3-year-old a few weeks later. He said, "Again! Again!"
Even so, slings aren't so much about play as about closeness. Tiny babies
love the security of being very close to Mom. As they get older and more
interested in the world, they can ride "kangaroo" style, sitting
cross-legged, facing out, and have a much more stimulating view of the world
than the view from a car-seat-carrier. When they get a bit older, they can
sit on Mom's hip (where they'd probably end up anyway, being held on the hip
with an arm-of-steel), with their bums a tad lower than their knees and the
sling pulled all the way to the knees. From this position, they can play
with mom, interact with the world, nurse, sleep, be up on Mom's back (a
simple shift away) while cooking, and if they want down, putting them down
is as easy as bending over and carefully dropping them out the bottom of the
sling. Since with most unpadded slings you can pick older babies and
toddlers up the same way, it's much easier than holding them in the same
position with an arm.

> They always have this sort of sad expression. Don't flame me, I know YOUR
> babies are comfy. Mine just wasn't and IME, many others aren't, either.

I don't think there's any one "perfect" carrier for everyone. But I do think
that most of the times problems with carriers are not problems with the
"general concept" but just a mismatch between the type of sling and what a
family needs.

Did your son like being held in-arms? What positions did you normally hold
him in?

Jenrose

[Jenrose]

"aps" > wrote in message
...
> In article >, Jenrose >
> wrote:
>
> > I'd say a Newborn Snugli is probably a waste of money for most people.
The
> > Baby Bjorn--I'm not particularly fond of that way of carrying a baby
> > myself, but lots of people like them. The Maya Wrap...How were you
putting
> > the baby in? I find that the best approach to an unpadded sling is to
make
> > it mimic your arms as much as possible. Where do you normally carry your
> > baby? How old was your baby when you tried them?
>
> Our daughter is so-so about the slings (maya pouch and otsbh) for just
> about exactly that reason. We pretty much carry her upright with a hand
> under her bum and a hand cradling her head. She gets irritated if we
> lay her fully into the sling, but she'll abide it if we keep her
> shoulders out and support her head with a hand. I figue it's for the
> same reason she gets aggravated by tight swaddling--she'll literally
> fuss and grunt and squirm until she gets both arms free, then she's
> content.

I think this is a very common misconception, that slings have to be "taken
lying down" by babies. I almost never carry babies lying down in any sling I
use, and I didn't get much use out of the ones that encouraged that sort of
position. Honestly, with my daughter, I mostly used a wraparound carrier for
her newborn days, holding her upright on my chest, and I used a pouch made
out of the same fabric as the wraparound for hip-sitting when she got to the
"up down" phase where she wanted to be held and then put down every 5
minutes. With my foster son, though, I had two cotton knit ring slings
(solid basic dark color, simple design, no padding) which I wore crossed,
and those worked to carry him up on my shoulder in the position you
described, snuggled up on my chest, facing sideways, looking out, you name
it. Whatever position he wanted, the sling would let him be in it. I've
managed with other babies to even get that kind of sling into a colic hold,
and even a Baby Bjorn type carry.

> The Baby Bjorn in our case works great, because she's contentedly
> chest-to-chest a large part of the day anyway. We sort of envy the
> slinging folks that walk around with a lumpy sack around their
> shoulder, but frankly we prefer the urbane style of the Bjorn to the
> crashed-through-the-ecuadorean-crafts-booth-on-a-unicycle look of most
> slings anyway. In any case, the Bjorn is totally worth the extra you
> pay for it compared to the Snugli: it's made to support the baby's
> lower torso, whereas an infant tends to collapse into a less
> structured frontpack.

I find the biggest problem I have with the Bjorn-style carriers is that most
people I've known say they can't use them once baby gets over 20 pounds,
because it just hurts their backs too much. Since my kid was 20 pounds at 4
months, a Bjorn would have been very limited use for us. I can carry a 38
pound 4-year-old with an unpadded ring sling, for a lot longer than I could
carry the same kid "in arms". However, for people who like the Baby Bjorn
styling, I think the Ergo baby carrier takes the same sensibility and goes
the next step. It's for babies 5 months and up, and is one of the most
comfortable carriers I've ever used for back carries with a heavy child. I
just got one a few days ago and our first try was with the same 4-year old.
So maybe for people who love the Bjorn, the Ergo would be a good "next
step".

>
> One thing the slings have going for them is that you can use them right
> off the bat, where a baby needs to be 8 lbs for the Bjorn.
>
> I'd say the bottom line is that you'll probably find a carrier to be a
> godsend, but you're better off assessing your newborn's particular
> comfort modalities before dropping $40 for a loop of cotton or $70 for
> a modified seat cushion. OTOH, your baby will over time become inured
> to what you offer it, so having one ahead of time (or keeping one
> received as a gift) isn't a bad idea either.
>
<g> I wish there were "sling clubs" everywhere, so people could go try out
lots of different kinds of carriers before deciding what to buy. I know many
people who have 10 different types of slings (heck, at the moment I have 8
in the house, maybe 9, and have posessed at least 10 others at one time or
another, but I review them, so that's a little different) because they keep
trying to find "the perfect one". And sometimes "the perfect one" changes
from month to month as a baby grows up.

Heck, I think a lot of it boils down to pure style. My style is t-shirts and
jersey dresses. I gravitated to cotton knit slings in solid colors early.
There are ring slings available in silk brocade, with black webbing and
metal rings that are so incredibly stylish that they look like works of art
in and of themselves. (They look very, very chic--and at $149 each, they'd
better!). There are slings made out of Guatamalan fabrics that appeal to
people who like the ethic look, and slings made out of tie dye or hemp or
polarfleece or whatever fabric happens to appeal to a given person. I've
seen slings offered for as little as $15 or $20 and up through $150. There
are carriers with straps and buckles, ring slings, padded slings, and Very
Very Long Piece of Cloth.

Personally, all I care about is that babies get held, and that parents' arms
not fall off holding the babies. I see slings as a means to an end--happy,
well-connected kids, and I want to help people find the slings, carriers or
whatever that helps them be more comfortable while meeting babies' needs.

Jenrose

[Jenrose]

"Nina" > wrote in message
...
>
> "aps" > wrote
> >
> > One thing the slings have going for them is that you can use them right
> > off the bat, where a baby needs to be 8 lbs for the Bjorn.
> >
> Since mine were born weighing 8'12 and 8'15 I spose that wouldnt be an
issue
> for me. :) I found my snugli for $2.50 at a thrift store and its like new,
> hope it works ok.
> Nina

If it doesn't work okay, don't assume that all slings are equal. If your
child outgrows it, don't assume that's it for babywearing.

If you really want to go minimalist, a really decent sling can be made from
a bedsheet (although I find cutting the sheet in half and hemming it takes
out some of the bulk.) I used to buy used bedsheets by the pound, wash them
like crazy, cut them in half (the long way), hem them, and then keep them in
my car to hand to people on the street who were holding babies in very
tired-looking arms. A simple knot at hip or shoulder and voila, instant
sling.

Jenrose

[Nina]

"Jenrose" > wrote in message
s.com...
>
> "Nina" > wrote in message
> ...
> >
> > "aps" > wrote
> > >
> > > One thing the slings have going for them is that you can use them
right
> > > off the bat, where a baby needs to be 8 lbs for the Bjorn.
> > >
> > Since mine were born weighing 8'12 and 8'15 I spose that wouldnt be an
> issue
> > for me. :) I found my snugli for $2.50 at a thrift store and its like
new,
> > hope it works ok.
> > Nina
>
> If it doesn't work okay, don't assume that all slings are equal. If your
> child outgrows it, don't assume that's it for babywearing.
>
> If you really want to go minimalist, a really decent sling can be made
from
> a bedsheet (although I find cutting the sheet in half and hemming it takes
> out some of the bulk.) I used to buy used bedsheets by the pound, wash
them
> like crazy, cut them in half (the long way), hem them, and then keep them
in
> my car to hand to people on the street who were holding babies in very
> tired-looking arms. A simple knot at hip or shoulder and voila, instant
> sling.
>
> Jenrose
>
I never had problems with my old snugli, it was similar to this one. Just
havent yet gone and examined this to be sure its intact, but if it isnt, the
2 bucks wont be tooo missed. I carried both my others in a front carrier
for ages, would walk around nursing and no one knew. They just figured the
baby had a blanket over its head.
I've never tried a sling, though I have seen plenty used. I guess Im afraid
I wouldnt know how to hold the baby in uit securely and it would tumble out.