Its started :(

[A&G&K&H]

In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about me
weaning H (14 mo).
I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.
Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments
for a particular family member who will always say something like " what
would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got <insert horrible
condition> because she was bf for more than a year".
I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying that
she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
"stubborn" by continuing to bf H.

You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
please :)

Amanda

--
DD 15th August 2002
1 tiny angel Nov 2003
DS 20th August 2004

[Cuddlefish]

A&G&K&H wrote:
> In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about me
> weaning H (14 mo).
>
> You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
> please :)

Say this sincerely: "Why how sweet of you to be concerned for H's
wellbeing." Repeat until they get the message... no need to justify your
decision. And don't take it personally - their 'noises' are all about
them, not you.

Jacqueline

[Sue]

"A&G&K&H"wrote in message
> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months
>younger than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her
>choice) and she wants to feel better about her own decision.

If she is weaning then she is probably okay with her decision.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

[Jo]

A&G&K&H wrote:
> In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about me
> weaning H (14 mo).
> I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.
> Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments
> for a particular family member who will always say something like " what
> would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got <insert horrible
> condition> because she was bf for more than a year".
> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
> than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
> and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying that
> she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
> "stubborn" by continuing to bf H.
>
> You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
> please :)
>
> Amanda
>
> --
> DD 15th August 2002
> 1 tiny angel Nov 2003
> DS 20th August 2004
>
>
>


"Why would I feed my son cow's milk or formula now just because he's
over 12 months, when I have the best milk for him right here?"

or something... ;)

Jo

[Melania]

Cuddlefish wrote:
> A&G&K&H wrote:
> > In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about me
> > weaning H (14 mo).
> >
> > You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
> > please :)
>
> Say this sincerely: "Why how sweet of you to be concerned for H's
> wellbeing." Repeat until they get the message... no need to justify your
> decision. And don't take it personally - their 'noises' are all about
> them, not you.
>
> Jacqueline

A perfect response!

I usually say, "we'll wean when we wean." Or, in response to "how long
are you going to breastfeed?" "As long as it takes."

Melania

[Jess]

"Melania" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> I usually say, "we'll wean when we wean." Or, in response to "how long
> are you going to breastfeed?" "As long as it takes."

I like "no" better. ;)

Jess

[JennP]

"Sue" > wrote in message
...

> If she is weaning then she is probably okay with her decision.

Especially if they nursed for a year. While I do nurse longer, several of my
friends wean their babies at one year and trust me, they are very happy with
their decision.

Let's face it, one year might not be long compared to some, but it's WAY
higher than the average.

To the OP, I think that however long your nurse your child is your decision
and you don't owe anyone an explanation. I'd just say yes and quickly change
the subject. HTH

JennP.

[Amy]

A&G&K&H wrote:

> You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
> please :)

The best one I've read, from "So That's What They're For," was:

"We plan to wean her so that she can attend an out of state college..."

HAHAHAH!

Amy

[Mum of Two]

"A&G&K&H" > wrote in message
...
> In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about
> me
> weaning H (14 mo).
> I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.
> Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments
> for a particular family member who will always say something like " what
> would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got <insert
> horrible
> condition> because she was bf for more than a year".
> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
> than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
> and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying
> that
> she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
> "stubborn" by continuing to bf H.

Look shocked and say "Of course he's started weaning, he's 14 months!".
Weaning begins as soon as you start solids, but it can take as many years as
you both want ;-)


--
Amy
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/
My blog: http://spaces.msn.com/members/querer-hijo-querer-hija/

[Irrational Number]

A&G&K&H wrote:
> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
> than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
> and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying that
> she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
> "stubborn" by continuing to bf H.

I would keep the peace because it's family,
so I'd just say something like "I'll think
about it" or "Well, I like it and he likes
it, so we'll do it until we're done". For
a grandparent-type who is being obnoxious,
I'd say sweetly "oh, I would never do less
than the best for your grandchild". For a
coworker, I do the WHO/AAP factual thing or
"hey, as long as we can!" or "of COURSE I'm
still nursing".

-- Anita --

[Mum of Two]

"Irrational Number" > wrote in message
ink.net...
> A&G&K&H wrote:
>> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months
>> younger
>> than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her
>> choice)
>> and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying
>> that
>> she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
>> "stubborn" by continuing to bf H.
>
> I would keep the peace because it's family,
> so I'd just say something like "I'll think
> about it"

I don't think I'd say that. Make any concession to being interested in her
unsolicited advice, and she'll probably never hear the end of it. IMO, it's
plain rude, family or not, to be giving someone unasked for advice WRT
weaning or feeding or any number of personal decisions like that.
I've always been honest about my feeding choices for DD, and assume if
people want to know more they'll ask, but I'd never tell someone outright
they should wean (or not wean) at a particular age.

--
Amy
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/
My blog: http://spaces.msn.com/members/querer-hijo-querer-hija/

[[email protected]]

A&G&K&H wrote:
> In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about me
> weaning H (14 mo).
> I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.
> Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments
> for a particular family member who will always say something like " what
> would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got <insert horrible
> condition> because she was bf for more than a year".
> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
> than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
> and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying that
> she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
> "stubborn" by continuing to bf H.
>
> You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
> please :)

If it was me personally I'd probably go 'What the hell has it got to do
with you?!' ;). One thing I've noticed as a new mum is that some people
who have had babies think they have the right to make acccusatory (is
that a word?) comments willynilly without invite. I could take it if
they were right but their knowledge comes from having kids over 30
years ago so are generally talking tosh! Not knowing what I was doing
I'd have no defence, but if the same happened now rather than proving
my point with research I'd ask them to prove theirs with research. And
I don't just mean 'well I read it somewhere'. I mean full research
papers with trials and surveys etc.. This is probably OTT but perhaps
it might shut them up?:)

Jeni

[A&G&K&H]

"Amy" > wrote in message
oups.com...
>
> A&G&K&H wrote:
>
> > You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good
ones
> > please :)
>
> The best one I've read, from "So That's What They're For," was:
>
> "We plan to wean her so that she can attend an out of state college..."
>
> HAHAHAH!
I like that one :)
A
>

[A&G&K&H]

"Sue" > wrote in message
...
> "A&G&K&H"wrote in message
> > I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months
> >younger than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's
her
> >choice) and she wants to feel better about her own decision.
>
> If she is weaning then she is probably okay with her decision.

Probably - I don't really care - its her kid.
She's a control freak though and isn't happy with *my* decision.... and
won't have it that there's *any* benefit to continued bf past a year.


>

[A&G&K&H]

"Mum of Two" > wrote in message
...
> "Irrational Number" > wrote in message
> ink.net...
> > A&G&K&H wrote:
> >> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months
> >> younger
> >> than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her
> >> choice)
> >> and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying
> >> that
> >> she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
> >> "stubborn" by continuing to bf H.
> >
> > I would keep the peace because it's family,
> > so I'd just say something like "I'll think
> > about it"
>
> I don't think I'd say that. Make any concession to being interested in her
> unsolicited advice, and she'll probably never hear the end of it. IMO,
it's
> plain rude, family or not, to be giving someone unasked for advice WRT
> weaning or feeding or any number of personal decisions like that.
> I've always been honest about my feeding choices for DD, and assume if
> people want to know more they'll ask, but I'd never tell someone outright
> they should wean (or not wean) at a particular age.
>
You got that right .... this SIL has no formal education but will out-argue
a professional on whatever topic (even if she knows almost nothing about
it). If I cam across as being a bit "wussy" on my stance, she'd just keep
plugging away until I do whatever she thinks is best.
A

[A&G&K&H]

"Cuddlefish" > wrote in message
news:s9A7f.299315$1i.276848@pd7tw2no...
And don't take it personally - their 'noises' are all about
> them, not you.

;) ain't that the truth

[Sue]

"A&G&K&H" wrote in message

> Probably - I don't really care - its her kid.
> She's a control freak though and isn't happy with *my* decision.... and
> won't have it that there's *any* benefit to continued bf past a year.

Then definitely don't let it get to you. Just nod and go on your way. Why
does everyone let people get to them. It's none of their business.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

[Kim E]

Here's a little list from LLL of comebacks to the question "isn't
he a
little old for that?"

--We work for National Geographic.

--I'm trying to raise his IQ.

--We're very old-fashioned.

--We're part of a study.

--Oh she's weaning now. She's down to 10 times a day.

--My MIL insists. She nursed my husband until he was 6.

--He doesn't sleep through the night, he doesn't like solid foods,
he
sleeps in our bed, we pick him up all the time, and we don't
believe
in spanking. I'm only trying to be consistent.

--She likes it.

--My mother is the U.S. Surgeon General.

--Oh? I hadn't noticed.

--He's allergic to artificial nipples.

--Well, that's one opinion.

--Hmm, no one's ever asked me that before!

--Actually, no, I'd love to talk about it. Do you have time for
coffee?

--What? And give up this bust line? Why do you ask?

--If she can't depend on her mother, whom can she depend on?

--No response, just stare.

--Oh my baby weaned, this is my sister's baby.

Source: LLL of Craven County, NC, USA



"A&G&K&H" > wrote in message
...
> In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making
> noises about me
> weaning H (14 mo).
> I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.
> Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other
> comments
> for a particular family member who will always say something like
> " what
> would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got
> <insert horrible
> condition> because she was bf for more than a year".
> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2
> months younger
> than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's
> her choice)
> and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just
> annoying that
> she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just
> being
> "stubborn" by continuing to bf H.
>
> You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some
> good ones
> please :)
>
> Amanda
>
> --
> DD 15th August 2002
> 1 tiny angel Nov 2003
> DS 20th August 2004

[Stephanie]

"A&G&K&H" > wrote in message
...
> In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about
> me
> weaning H (14 mo).
> I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.


How about smiling and nodding? That always worked when my mil was starting
in on me about some thing or other.


> Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments
> for a particular family member who will always say something like " what
> would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got <insert
> horrible
> condition> because she was bf for more than a year".


Oh my, now that's unusual! Very noncomittal.

> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
> than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
> and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying
> that
> she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
> "stubborn" by continuing to bf H.
>
> You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
> please :)
>
> Amanda
>
> --
> DD 15th August 2002
> 1 tiny angel Nov 2003
> DS 20th August 2004
>
>
>

[Irene]

A&G&K&H wrote:
> In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about me
> weaning H (14 mo).
> I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.
> Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments
> for a particular family member who will always say something like " what
> would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got <insert horrible
> condition> because she was bf for more than a year".
> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
> than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
> and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying that
> she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
> "stubborn" by continuing to bf H.
>
> You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
> please :)
>
Sigh, I'm starting to get the "So, do you know how long you'll be doing
that?" bit from my MIL, too. (DD is 18 months) Not in a pressuring
way, at least. I've been pretty much leaving it at "We'll wean when
we're ready" or something like that. And since ds weaned when I was pg
(at 2.5 years) and we are planning that dd is the last one, I really
have no idea when she will wean!

Sorry to hear your SIL is being difficult.

Irene

[Melania]

Kim E wrote:
> Here's a little list from LLL of comebacks to the question "isn't
> he a
> little old for that?"
>
> --We work for National Geographic.
>
> --I'm trying to raise his IQ.
>
> --We're very old-fashioned.
>
> --We're part of a study.
>
> --Oh she's weaning now. She's down to 10 times a day.
>
> --My MIL insists. She nursed my husband until he was 6.
>
> --He doesn't sleep through the night, he doesn't like solid foods,
> he
> sleeps in our bed, we pick him up all the time, and we don't
> believe
> in spanking. I'm only trying to be consistent.
>
> --She likes it.
>
> --My mother is the U.S. Surgeon General.
>
> --Oh? I hadn't noticed.
>
> --He's allergic to artificial nipples.
>
> --Well, that's one opinion.
>
> --Hmm, no one's ever asked me that before!
>
> --Actually, no, I'd love to talk about it. Do you have time for
> coffee?
>
> --What? And give up this bust line? Why do you ask?
>
> --If she can't depend on her mother, whom can she depend on?
>
> --No response, just stare.
>
> --Oh my baby weaned, this is my sister's baby.
>
> Source: LLL of Craven County, NC, USA

Thanks for posting this!! Hilarious! (I will definitely use the last
one, given the opportunity)

Melania

[Iuil]

"Irene" wrote
> >
> Sigh, I'm starting to get the "So, do you know how long you'll be doing
> that?" bit from my MIL, too. (DD is 18 months) Not in a pressuring
> way, at least. I've been pretty much leaving it at "We'll wean when
> we're ready" or something like that. And since ds weaned when I was pg
> (at 2.5 years) and we are planning that dd is the last one, I really
> have no idea when she will wean!
>

My MIL asked the same thing when DD was around 18 months too. DH told her
that most kids had self-weaned by the age of 4. The look on her face was
priceless but she hasn't asked since :-).

Jean

--
DD - June '02
DS - May '05

[Mary W.]

Iuil wrote:

> "Irene" wrote
>
>>Sigh, I'm starting to get the "So, do you know how long you'll be doing
>>that?" bit from my MIL, too. (DD is 18 months) Not in a pressuring
>>way, at least. I've been pretty much leaving it at "We'll wean when
>>we're ready" or something like that. And since ds weaned when I was pg
>>(at 2.5 years) and we are planning that dd is the last one, I really
>>have no idea when she will wean!
>>
>
>
> My MIL asked the same thing when DD was around 18 months too. DH told her
> that most kids had self-weaned by the age of 4. The look on her face was
> priceless but she hasn't asked since :-).
>

I love this! :)
Mary W.

[A&G&K&H]

"Kim E" > wrote in message
...
> Here's a little list from LLL of comebacks to the question "isn't
> he a
> little old for that?"
>
> --We work for National Geographic.
>
> --I'm trying to raise his IQ.
>
> --We're very old-fashioned.
>
> --We're part of a study.
>
> --Oh she's weaning now. She's down to 10 times a day.
>
> --My MIL insists. She nursed my husband until he was 6.
>
> --He doesn't sleep through the night, he doesn't like solid foods,
> he
> sleeps in our bed, we pick him up all the time, and we don't
> believe
> in spanking. I'm only trying to be consistent.
>
> --She likes it.
>
> --My mother is the U.S. Surgeon General.
>
> --Oh? I hadn't noticed.
>
> --He's allergic to artificial nipples.
>
> --Well, that's one opinion.
>
> --Hmm, no one's ever asked me that before!
>
> --Actually, no, I'd love to talk about it. Do you have time for
> coffee?
>
> --What? And give up this bust line? Why do you ask?
>
> --If she can't depend on her mother, whom can she depend on?
>
> --No response, just stare.
>
> --Oh my baby weaned, this is my sister's baby.
>

Ahhh - I knew somebody would have a "list" of goodies.
I shall have to remember the last one though ;)

[A&G&K&H]

"Irene" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> Sigh, I'm starting to get the "So, do you know how long you'll be doing
> that?" bit from my MIL, too. (DD is 18 months) Not in a pressuring
> way, at least. I've been pretty much leaving it at "We'll wean when
> we're ready" or something like that. And since ds weaned when I was pg
> (at 2.5 years) and we are planning that dd is the last one, I really
> have no idea when she will wean!


That's pretty much our situation too ... DD self-weaned when I was pg with
DS (she was around 18 mo at the time). DS will most probably be our last
and I'll let him self-wean also. I'm hoping he continues bf past 2 years,
but I'll let him decide.

> Sorry to hear your SIL is being difficult.
She's OK really - just a little bit controlling.
A

[A&G&K&H]

"Iuil" > wrote in message
...

>
> My MIL asked the same thing when DD was around 18 months too. DH told her
> that most kids had self-weaned by the age of 4. The look on her face was
> priceless but she hasn't asked since :-).

Oh now that's another good response ... I think I'll be able to use that one
with a straight face and it might just shut SIL up :)
A

[Iuil]

"Mary W." wrote
> >
> > My MIL asked the same thing when DD was around 18 months too. DH told
her
> > that most kids had self-weaned by the age of 4. The look on her face
was
> > priceless but she hasn't asked since :-).
> >
>
> I love this! :)
> Mary W.

I know. The best part was that it was DH who said it, her pride and joy
:-).

For a guy that didn't grow up in a bf friendly home, he's quite the
lactivist.

Jean
--
DD - June '02
DS - May '05

[Linz]

Kim E wrote:
> Here's a little list from LLL of comebacks to the question "isn't
> he a
> little old for that?"

[snip]

> --What? And give up this bust line? Why do you ask?

Hah! I wish! Over the last two years I've slowly gone from a 34D back to my
original 32A and the breastfeeding itself shows no signs of stopping. I
wouldn't mind those big boobs back.

[Cocoamum]

Linz skrev:
> Kim E wrote:
>
>>Here's a little list from LLL of comebacks to the question "isn't
>>he a
>>little old for that?"
>
>
> [snip]
>
>
>>--What? And give up this bust line? Why do you ask?
>
>
> Hah! I wish! Over the last two years I've slowly gone from a 34D back to my
> original 32A and the breastfeeding itself shows no signs of stopping. I
> wouldn't mind those big boobs back.
>
>

I kept running into things because I didn't know how much space I needed
:-) I'm from the generation that didn't use bra's because it didn't fit
with womens lib so I still only use a bra when I want to look good. And
then I have the same problem. Usually there's lots of volume, but it
tends to flatten out and reach my belly button....:-( Every time I wear
a bra I keep thinking: who put all that stuff in front of me.

Tine, Denmark, 47 yo.

[Nikki]

A&G&K&H wrote:
> In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises
> about me weaning H (14 mo).
> I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.

I saved myself the trouble and just didn't respond at all. If they asked an
out right question I answered with a yes or no. Just that one word. If
they fired back a come back (like the one you mentioned) I just looked at
them, changed the subject, or walked off to do something else.

Worked like a charm.

--
Nikki
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
EDD 4/06

[New York Jen]

"A&G&K&H" > wrote in message
...
> In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about
> me
> weaning H (14 mo).
> I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.
> Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments
> for a particular family member who will always say something like " what
> would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got <insert
> horrible
> condition> because she was bf for more than a year".
> I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
> than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
> and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying
> that
> she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
> "stubborn" by continuing to bf H.
>
> You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
> please :)
>
> Amanda
>
> --
> DD 15th August 2002
> 1 tiny angel Nov 2003
> DS 20th August 2004


(waving to Amanda)

People ask me all the time, "How long are you going to nurse her for?" I
say, "Until she's done."

:-)

Hope all is well,

Jen

[A&G&K&H]

"New York Jen" > wrote in message
...
> (waving to Amanda)
>
> People ask me all the time, "How long are you going to nurse her for?" I
> say, "Until she's done."
>
> :-)
>
> Hope all is well,
>
> Jen
>

hi Jen (waving back :)

so glad to hear that lily is still bf ... she musn't be too far of 2yo
now...wow!
i bet she and laszlo are as cute as ever.
....i'm thinking of using the "i'm told that most kids wean themselves by
4yo" line for effect next time i'm asked ;)
hugs to you and your gorgeous kids
Amanda
nak, oht

[Sarah Vaughan]

In message >, A&G&K&H
> writes
>In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about me
>weaning H (14 mo).
>I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.
>Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments
>for a particular family member who will always say something like " what
>would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got <insert horrible
>condition> because she was bf for more than a year".
>I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
>than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
>and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying that
>she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
>"stubborn" by continuing to bf H.
>
>You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
>please :)

I'll presumably be facing this problem soon, since Jamie's now 11
months. My plan is:

If people ask a question, I'll answer it. Simply, factually, and
enthusiastically, but not preachily or bad-temperedly. Thus:

"Are you still breastfeeding him?"
"Indeed yes! I'm so pleased we've made it this far" (or just the
"Indeed yes!" in a tone enthusiastic enough to make the rest clear).

"When are you going to wean?"
"When he's two." (This happens to be the answer in our case. If the
answer was "Whenever one or other of us gets fed up" or "We don't really
have any plans - we're just going to see how it goes" then that's what
I'd say.)

"Why do you still want to breastfeed him at that age?"
"It's giving him good protection against all those childhood bugs, and
it's comforting for him when the world's a bit too much for him to deal
with."

If people start offering advice, however, then I'm going to take a bit
of a different tack: I am going to try to _avoid_ falling into the
temptation to leap to the defense of what I'm doing. The French have a
great saying - "Qui s'excuse, s'accuse". Doesn't sound as good in
translation, but basically means that in excusing yourself, you're
accusing yourself. IOW, the more you try to defend your actions against
someone who thinks you should be doing things differently, the more it
can backfire by making you look as though you think your actions _need_
defending. Let's bear in mind that if someone is giving you unsolicited
advice, it's not actually your job to explain why you're doing things.
It's _their_ job to explain why they think you should change the way
you're doing things, since they're the one offering the advice. I think
there's a lot to be gained by keeping the focus on this.

So, when someone tells me that they think I should wean, instead of
reeling off the reasons why I disagree, I'm going to try asking them
"Why do you think that?" I'm going to try keeping my tone friendly and
interested rather than challenging, and to keep repeating the question,
or variations on it, as often as I can possibly get away with it. For
example:

"I think you should wean that boy."

"Really? Why do you think that?"

"Because he's much too old to be getting your milk."

"What makes you think that?"

"I knew this distant acquaintance who nursed her baby at that age and
[insert terrible consequence] happened because she was still nursing!"

"Really? What makes you think it was because of the nursing?"

Lather, rinse, repeat. Of course, if I really run into a conversational
dead end at any point of this, then I'll try dropping in a bit of
information:

"I know a woman who nursed her baby until he was two and then tried to
stop, and he just would not stop!"

"Yes, that often happens when you try to wean them before they're ready.
All the women I know of who nursed for as long as their children wanted
to found it was much easier to stop at the end of that time - the
children just grew out of it, you see, so there wasn't a struggle over
it."

But, by and large, I'm going to aim for the "Really? Why do you think
that?" approach as much as possible. It will hopefully drive a few
people nuts. ;-)


All the best,

Sarah

--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.blogspot.com

But how do we _know_ that nobody ever said on their deathbed that they wished
they’d spent more time at the office?

[arachne]

"Sarah Vaughan" > wrote in message
...
> If people start offering advice, however, then I'm going to take a bit of
> a different tack: I am going to try to _avoid_ falling into the temptation
> to leap to the defense of what I'm doing. The French have a great
> saying - "Qui s'excuse, s'accuse". Doesn't sound as good in translation,
> but basically means that in excusing yourself, you're accusing yourself.
> IOW, the more you try to defend your actions against someone who thinks
> you should be doing things differently, the more it can backfire by making
> you look as though you think your actions _need_ defending. Let's bear in
> mind that if someone is giving you unsolicited advice, it's not actually
> your job to explain why you're doing things. It's _their_ job to explain
> why they think you should change the way you're doing things, since
> they're the one offering the advice. I think there's a lot to be gained
> by keeping the focus on this.
>
> So, when someone tells me that they think I should wean, instead of
> reeling off the reasons why I disagree, I'm going to try asking them "Why
> do you think that?" I'm going to try keeping my tone friendly and
> interested rather than challenging, and to keep repeating the question, or
> variations on it, as often as I can possibly get away with it. For

you know, i think this is so true! i'm going to try & take this stance when
i need to.
--
elizabeth (in australia)
DS1 20th august 2002
DS2 26th September 2005

"In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul."
--Lisa T. Shepherd