Working??? A rant... Sorry.

[xkatx]

Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of a
better word...)

So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account is
sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off the
relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately because of
it.

Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day... He
f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on about that
anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
(That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night with B
and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.

The day goes like this:
6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm and
Amie sleep.
8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I change
A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive Norm
to work.
8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
dishes, other random things that need to be done.
12:15pm - B gets home from school.
12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope to
hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
computer/goes to sleep.
9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's sleeping
by this time 80% of the time.
10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up, whatever,
or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep before midnight.

I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time. He
always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I sit
and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day when this
so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out without being
distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I must sleep all day,
get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and night.

Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do love
him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out since I do
need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's not helping out
at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind of way.

I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children to
deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone out to
the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that doesn't seem
to make any difference.

I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just get me
out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job that will
allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a crappy call
centre or something - since I would only be able, and want, to work for a
few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick hours of something
like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to be done work by 6 or so,
and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and Brandon for only a few hours. I'd
get out into civilization and be around people other than children for a
little bit, and I'd have a bit of extra spending cash, right?

Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and right
after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house and her
and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents are
available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston Pizza and
play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think about it, just do
it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull off what he does. She
said it might make him know what it feels like, yet I feel like I'm stooping
to his childish level and almost feel like by doing it myself, I'd be giving
him the OK for him to continue doing it. That's so far from what I want to
do.

We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking and
not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to me about
things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks right at me and
lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can do whatever the hell
he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I ALWAYS tell him where I am, who
I'm going with, what time I'll be back. I always have my phone on me just
in case, and if he calls, I always answer the phone. It seems to be the
total opposite for him when it comes to me. He's the outward lyer, I'm the
one who just kind of witholds information... Like I won't volunteer some
things, yet when he asks me, I do not lie about it. An example is as recent
as yesterday - Halloween day... I asked him if he could call me as soon as
he was done work - B needed to eat and do pumpkins and go out for candy
early. He said he'd call before they started packing up to go, yet he calls
me AFTER he's at the bar 'playing 3 games of pool' - which turned out to be
only 1.5 games of pool, apparently. He tells me that he's going with the
boss down to the house company they build for's office, which just so
happens to be across the street from the bar they always f*uck off to, so I
told him I was already almost at the job site - wait for me, don't go with
the boss, then the story changes from the boss needing to go there for
something and them cleaning up as I was talking to him, to that they were
already there at the office, then when I told him to stop the lies, it
turned out to be 3 games of pool then after only 1.5 games.

I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
leave'...
Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing what he
does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm because I am
going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home with the kids?
What to do??

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

[Kim]

Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...

Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...

So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither
is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking the 'beat him
at his own game' isn't a good choice ether

Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where he
likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's paying the
sitter :) Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his do soemthing
together... If you each start doing your own things you'll grow apart and
your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only choices you have...

Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice hot
bath some evening and just pamper yourself?




"xkatx" > wrote in message
news:aNO9f.379806$1i.99330@pd7tw2no...
> Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of a
> better word...)
>
> So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account is
> sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off the
> relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately because
> of it.
>
> Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day... He
> f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on about
> that
> anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
> (That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night with
> B
> and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.
>
> The day goes like this:
> 6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
> 6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
> 7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
> 7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm and
> Amie sleep.
> 8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I
> change A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
> 8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive Norm
> to work.
> 8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
> dishes, other random things that need to be done.
> 12:15pm - B gets home from school.
> 12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
> 1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
> 5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope to
> hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
> 5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
> 8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
> computer/goes to sleep.
> 9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's
> sleeping by this time 80% of the time.
> 10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up,
> whatever, or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep before
> midnight.
>
> I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time. He
> always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
> everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
> should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I sit
> and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day when
> this so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out without being
> distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I must sleep all
> day, get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and night.
>
> Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do
> love him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out
> since I do need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's not
> helping out at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind of way.
>
> I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children to
> deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone out to
> the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that doesn't
> seem to make any difference.
>
> I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just get
> me out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job that
> will allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a crappy
> call centre or something - since I would only be able, and want, to work
> for a few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick hours of
> something like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to be done work
> by 6 or so, and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and Brandon for only a
> few hours. I'd get out into civilization and be around people other than
> children for a little bit, and I'd have a bit of extra spending cash,
> right?
>
> Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and
> right after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house
> and her and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents
> are available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston
> Pizza and play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think about
> it, just do it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull off what he
> does. She said it might make him know what it feels like, yet I feel like
> I'm stooping to his childish level and almost feel like by doing it
> myself, I'd be giving him the OK for him to continue doing it. That's so
> far from what I want to do.
>
> We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking and
> not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to me
> about things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks right
> at me and lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can do
> whatever the hell he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I ALWAYS tell
> him where I am, who I'm going with, what time I'll be back. I always have
> my phone on me just in case, and if he calls, I always answer the phone.
> It seems to be the total opposite for him when it comes to me. He's the
> outward lyer, I'm the one who just kind of witholds information... Like I
> won't volunteer some things, yet when he asks me, I do not lie about it.
> An example is as recent as yesterday - Halloween day... I asked him if he
> could call me as soon as he was done work - B needed to eat and do
> pumpkins and go out for candy early. He said he'd call before they
> started packing up to go, yet he calls me AFTER he's at the bar 'playing 3
> games of pool' - which turned out to be only 1.5 games of pool,
> apparently. He tells me that he's going with the boss down to the house
> company they build for's office, which just so happens to be across the
> street from the bar they always f*uck off to, so I told him I was already
> almost at the job site - wait for me, don't go with the boss, then the
> story changes from the boss needing to go there for something and them
> cleaning up as I was talking to him, to that they were already there at
> the office, then when I told him to stop the lies, it turned out to be 3
> games of pool then after only 1.5 games.
>
> I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
> suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
> leave'...
> Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing what
> he does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm because I
> am going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home with the
> kids? What to do??
>
> --
> A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
> Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
> A: Top-posting.
> Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?
>
>
>

[xkatx]

"'Kate" > wrote in message
...
> Hiya xkatx

Hey 'Kate

> Your day sounds like a day in the life of most stay-at-home mothers.
> Once the baby's older, you'll be taking them out more.

I know. But I really don't care much to be a stay-at-home mom! I cannot
stay cooped up all day long... I need to get out and do something, and at
this point, I want and need to be working.

> It sounds like money is a problem but your relationship is more of a
> problem. It sounds like he's already pulled away and is living the life
> of a man without a family. I think your getting a job is a great idea
> but you may be disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm and participation.
> Find someone else who can watch the kids for you because I don't think
> that he's going to be consistent for very long.

Money sure is a problem when you don't get paid your hourly wage to sit at
the bar when you say you're 'working'...
I'd love some type of a job. Nothing fancy, nothing special, not a job that
I want to do from now until forever, just something for a little extra cash
for the time being. I plan to go back to school by next year so I can go
for a real job and do something I want to do that will also pay the bills
and then some.
My friend that I was talking to earlier had said I should just do what I
want - don't even really have much of a discussion about it with him - just
tell him what I'm planning on doing and just do it. She said that she would
even watch B and A if need be for me to work a bit. She's not working
because her baby that was born the same day as A, so that just might work
out, maybe.

> On Tue, 01 Nov 2005 18:49:42 GMT, "xkatx" > the
> following was posted in blue dry erase marker:
>
>>Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of a
>>better word...)
>>
>>So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account is
>>sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off the
>>relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately because
>>of
>>it.
>>
>>Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day... He
>>f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on about
>>that
>>anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
>>(That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night with
>>B
>>and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.
>>
>>The day goes like this:
>>6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
>>6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
>>7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
>>7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm and
>>Amie sleep.
>>8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I
>>change
>>A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
>>8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive Norm
>>to work.
>>8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
>>dishes, other random things that need to be done.
>>12:15pm - B gets home from school.
>>12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
>>1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
>>5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope to
>>hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
>>5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
>>8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
>>computer/goes to sleep.
>>9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's
>>sleeping
>>by this time 80% of the time.
>>10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up,
>>whatever,
>>or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep before midnight.
>>
>>I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time. He
>>always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
>>everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
>>should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I sit
>>and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day when
>>this
>>so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out without being
>>distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I must sleep all
>>day,
>>get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and night.
>>
>>Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do
>>love
>>him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out since I
>>do
>>need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's not helping out
>>at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind of way.
>>
>>I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children to
>>deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone out to
>>the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that doesn't
>>seem
>>to make any difference.
>>
>>I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just get
>>me
>>out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job that will
>>allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a crappy call
>>centre or something - since I would only be able, and want, to work for a
>>few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick hours of something
>>like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to be done work by 6 or
>>so,
>>and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and Brandon for only a few hours.
>>I'd
>>get out into civilization and be around people other than children for a
>>little bit, and I'd have a bit of extra spending cash, right?
>>
>>Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and
>>right
>>after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house and her
>>and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents are
>>available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston Pizza
>>and
>>play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think about it, just
>>do
>>it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull off what he does. She
>>said it might make him know what it feels like, yet I feel like I'm
>>stooping
>>to his childish level and almost feel like by doing it myself, I'd be
>>giving
>>him the OK for him to continue doing it. That's so far from what I want
>>to
>>do.
>>
>>We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking and
>>not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to me
>>about
>>things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks right at me
>>and
>>lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can do whatever the
>>hell
>>he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I ALWAYS tell him where I am,
>>who
>>I'm going with, what time I'll be back. I always have my phone on me just
>>in case, and if he calls, I always answer the phone. It seems to be the
>>total opposite for him when it comes to me. He's the outward lyer, I'm
>>the
>>one who just kind of witholds information... Like I won't volunteer some
>>things, yet when he asks me, I do not lie about it. An example is as
>>recent
>>as yesterday - Halloween day... I asked him if he could call me as soon as
>>he was done work - B needed to eat and do pumpkins and go out for candy
>>early. He said he'd call before they started packing up to go, yet he
>>calls
>>me AFTER he's at the bar 'playing 3 games of pool' - which turned out to
>>be
>>only 1.5 games of pool, apparently. He tells me that he's going with the
>>boss down to the house company they build for's office, which just so
>>happens to be across the street from the bar they always f*uck off to, so
>>I
>>told him I was already almost at the job site - wait for me, don't go with
>>the boss, then the story changes from the boss needing to go there for
>>something and them cleaning up as I was talking to him, to that they were
>>already there at the office, then when I told him to stop the lies, it
>>turned out to be 3 games of pool then after only 1.5 games.
>>
>>I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
>>suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
>>leave'...
>>Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing what
>>he
>>does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm because I am
>>going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home with the kids?
>>What to do??
>

[xkatx]

"Kim" > wrote in message
news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
> Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...

Yes, I've noticed this!

> Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...
>
> So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither
> is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking the 'beat
> him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether

I thought about the "beat him at his own game" as well, but I really don't
think that's the answer at all. I really don't want to go down to his
childish level.

> Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where
> he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's
> paying the sitter :) Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his
> do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own things you'll
> grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only
> choices you have...

I don't know of anyone who baby sits. There's the MIL, but she's useless...
She doesn't drive, she doesn't take transit, she doesn't have cab money.
She also smokes in her house, and we only smoke outside, and I can tell
people they cannot smoke in my place, but I can't tell someone they can't do
it in their own house... There's also my mom, but she lives all the way
across the city... She also works during the week, which kind of leaves me
stranded unless it's a weekend. He also takes off to the bar during work...
Usually around 3 or 4 until about 6 or so, when he calls to say he's at work
when he hasn't been there for hours already. I never know until he gets
home, or if I happen to stop there during the day, but that's rarely.
I don't ever do my own thing... He does whatever he wants. To me, I believe
that if you're living together and with someone, you do things together.
You have a life together which means you don't have your own seperate
lives... I include him when I do things, and when we go out with a friend,
it's ALWAYS with another couple friend... We have 2 couple friends that we
talk to, and that's the only friends I really have, yet he does, still,
whatever he feels like doing. I don't enjoy going out alone... He doesn't
care. My mom is often available and willing to babysit - for free - on
weekends if my parents have no plans... Norm knows that, but does he really
care?

> Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
> granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice hot
> bath some evening and just pamper yourself?

Well, all my family live a fair ways away... My parents, cousin and grandma
all live fairly north. My aunt lives far west. Norm's mom lives south, and
we are south as well (about a 10 min drive from her)... Perhaps a dad could
actually be useful and helpful? I know there's a whole crapload of useful
dads who actually do something... Even if it's just taking the kids to the
park or something so I could do something as basic as have a nice hot shower
for more than 4 minutes... Yet he really doesn't do that all that much. I
wonder if I should try to put an ad up at the grocery store looking for a
baby sitter for 1-2 times a month. Anyone have any luck with an approach
like that?

>
> "xkatx" > wrote in message
> news:aNO9f.379806$1i.99330@pd7tw2no...
>> Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of a
>> better word...)
>>
>> So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account
>> is sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off the
>> relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately because
>> of it.
>>
>> Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day... He
>> f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on about
>> that
>> anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
>> (That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night
>> with B
>> and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.
>>
>> The day goes like this:
>> 6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
>> 6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie
>> sleep.
>> 7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
>> 7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm and
>> Amie sleep.
>> 8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I
>> change A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
>> 8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive
>> Norm to work.
>> 8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
>> dishes, other random things that need to be done.
>> 12:15pm - B gets home from school.
>> 12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
>> 1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
>> 5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope to
>> hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
>> 5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
>> 8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
>> computer/goes to sleep.
>> 9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's
>> sleeping by this time 80% of the time.
>> 10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up,
>> whatever, or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep
>> before midnight.
>>
>> I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time.
>> He always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
>> everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
>> should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I
>> sit and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day
>> when this so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out without
>> being distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I must sleep
>> all day, get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and night.
>>
>> Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do
>> love him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out
>> since I do need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's not
>> helping out at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind of way.
>>
>> I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children to
>> deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone out to
>> the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that doesn't
>> seem to make any difference.
>>
>> I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just get
>> me out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job that
>> will allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a crappy
>> call centre or something - since I would only be able, and want, to work
>> for a few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick hours of
>> something like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to be done
>> work by 6 or so, and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and Brandon for
>> only a few hours. I'd get out into civilization and be around people
>> other than children for a little bit, and I'd have a bit of extra
>> spending cash, right?
>>
>> Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and
>> right after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house
>> and her and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents
>> are available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston
>> Pizza and play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think
>> about it, just do it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull off
>> what he does. She said it might make him know what it feels like, yet I
>> feel like I'm stooping to his childish level and almost feel like by
>> doing it myself, I'd be giving him the OK for him to continue doing it.
>> That's so far from what I want to do.
>>
>> We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking and
>> not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to me
>> about things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks right
>> at me and lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can do
>> whatever the hell he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I ALWAYS
>> tell him where I am, who I'm going with, what time I'll be back. I
>> always have my phone on me just in case, and if he calls, I always answer
>> the phone. It seems to be the total opposite for him when it comes to me.
>> He's the outward lyer, I'm the one who just kind of witholds
>> information... Like I won't volunteer some things, yet when he asks me, I
>> do not lie about it. An example is as recent as yesterday - Halloween
>> day... I asked him if he could call me as soon as he was done work - B
>> needed to eat and do pumpkins and go out for candy early. He said he'd
>> call before they started packing up to go, yet he calls me AFTER he's at
>> the bar 'playing 3 games of pool' - which turned out to be only 1.5 games
>> of pool, apparently. He tells me that he's going with the boss down to
>> the house company they build for's office, which just so happens to be
>> across the street from the bar they always f*uck off to, so I told him I
>> was already almost at the job site - wait for me, don't go with the boss,
>> then the story changes from the boss needing to go there for something
>> and them cleaning up as I was talking to him, to that they were already
>> there at the office, then when I told him to stop the lies, it turned out
>> to be 3 games of pool then after only 1.5 games.
>>
>> I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
>> suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
>> leave'...
>> Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing what
>> he does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm because
>> I am going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home with the
>> kids? What to do??
>>
>> --
>> A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
>> Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
>> A: Top-posting.
>> Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?
>>
>>
>>
>
>

[Moon Shyne]

"xkatx" > wrote in message
news:clS9f.380321$1i.308467@pd7tw2no...
>
> "'Kate" > wrote in message
> ...

<snip>

>
> Money sure is a problem when you don't get paid your hourly wage to sit at
> the bar when you say you're 'working'...
> I'd love some type of a job. Nothing fancy, nothing special, not a job
> that I want to do from now until forever, just something for a little
> extra cash for the time being.

Warning, warning, warning........ if this is as good as it gets, then you'd
best plan on being able to support yourself and 2 children - because I can't
really see that this situation is going to get a whole lot better.

You may want to consider checking out available daycare, and a real job -
then, you still get out into the world with other adults, AND you put
yourself in a position where you can support yourself and your kids. Not
being dependent on someone else is an amazingly empowering thing, and may
have the additional side benefit that once he realizes he hasn't got you
'stuck', he may see more value in you. Right now, he's making it painfully
clear that he sees no value in you.

[CME]

Ok forgive me for being blunt, but you really have no right to bitch when
it's been like this for quite some time. Either leave him, or accept that
this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life. Simple.

Christine

[CME]

"Kim" > wrote in message
news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
> Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...
>
> Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...
>
> So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither
> is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking the 'beat
> him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether
>
> Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where
> he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's
> paying the sitter :) Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his
> do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own things you'll
> grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only
> choices you have...
>
> Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
> granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice hot
> bath some evening and just pamper yourself?
>

I don't know, maybe it's just me but hanging out at the bar while there's 2
small children in the house just doesn't appeal. But then again, I wouldn't
put up with that kind of selfish crap from my partner, hence why I left
their father in the first place.

Kat, you need to see some worth in yourself before anyone will see it in
you. No offence but staying with someone that treats you like he does is
complete and utter bull**** and I just shake my head you're ok with it. I
don't care how much you love someone, you should love yourself more.

Christine

[Kim]

"xkatx" > wrote in message
news:axS9f.378187$oW2.112948@pd7tw1no...
>
> "Kim" > wrote in message
> news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
>> Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...
>
> Yes, I've noticed this!
>
>> Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...
>>
>> So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option.
>> Neither is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking
>> the 'beat him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether
>
> I thought about the "beat him at his own game" as well, but I really don't
> think that's the answer at all. I really don't want to go down to his
> childish level.
>
>> Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where
>> he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's
>> paying the sitter :) Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his
>> do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own things you'll
>> grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only
>> choices you have...
>
> I don't know of anyone who baby sits. There's the MIL, but she's
> useless... She doesn't drive, she doesn't take transit, she doesn't have
> cab money. She also smokes in her house, and we only smoke outside, and I
> can tell people they cannot smoke in my place, but I can't tell someone
> they can't do it in their own house... There's also my mom, but she lives
> all the way across the city... She also works during the week, which kind
> of leaves me stranded unless it's a weekend. He also takes off to the bar
> during work... Usually around 3 or 4 until about 6 or so, when he calls to
> say he's at work when he hasn't been there for hours already. I never
> know until he gets home, or if I happen to stop there during the day, but
> that's rarely.
> I don't ever do my own thing... He does whatever he wants. To me, I
> believe that if you're living together and with someone, you do things
> together. You have a life together which means you don't have your own
> seperate lives... I include him when I do things, and when we go out with
> a friend, it's ALWAYS with another couple friend... We have 2 couple
> friends that we talk to, and that's the only friends I really have, yet he
> does, still, whatever he feels like doing. I don't enjoy going out
> alone... He doesn't care. My mom is often available and willing to
> babysit - for free - on weekends if my parents have no plans... Norm knows
> that, but does he really care?
>
>> Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
>> granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice
>> hot bath some evening and just pamper yourself?
>
> Well, all my family live a fair ways away... My parents, cousin and
> grandma all live fairly north. My aunt lives far west. Norm's mom lives
> south, and we are south as well (about a 10 min drive from her)... Perhaps
> a dad could actually be useful and helpful? I know there's a whole
> crapload of useful dads who actually do something... Even if it's just
> taking the kids to the park or something so I could do something as basic
> as have a nice hot shower for more than 4 minutes... Yet he really doesn't
> do that all that much. I wonder if I should try to put an ad up at the
> grocery store looking for a baby sitter for 1-2 times a month. Anyone
> have any luck with an approach like that?
>

You could try that... Personally I think you need to sit the boy down and
have a heart to heart... You are sounding somewhat bitter and jealous...
Time to put the cards on the table and do the put up or shut up thing... You
can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do... Nagging will only
make matters worse... Playing his games don't help... If he doesn't have
enough respect for you to sit and try to understand what you are feeling
then you are with the wrong mate whether you like it or not.


>>
>> "xkatx" > wrote in message
>> news:aNO9f.379806$1i.99330@pd7tw2no...
>>> Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of
>>> a better word...)
>>>
>>> So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account
>>> is sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off the
>>> relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately because
>>> of it.
>>>
>>> Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day...
>>> He f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on
>>> about that
>>> anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
>>> (That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night
>>> with B
>>> and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.
>>>
>>> The day goes like this:
>>> 6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
>>> 6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie
>>> sleep.
>>> 7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
>>> 7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm
>>> and Amie sleep.
>>> 8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I
>>> change A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
>>> 8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive
>>> Norm to work.
>>> 8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
>>> dishes, other random things that need to be done.
>>> 12:15pm - B gets home from school.
>>> 12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
>>> 1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
>>> 5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope to
>>> hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
>>> 5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
>>> 8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
>>> computer/goes to sleep.
>>> 9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's
>>> sleeping by this time 80% of the time.
>>> 10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up,
>>> whatever, or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep
>>> before midnight.
>>>
>>> I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time.
>>> He always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
>>> everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
>>> should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I
>>> sit and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day
>>> when this so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out without
>>> being distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I must
>>> sleep all day, get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and night.
>>>
>>> Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do
>>> love him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out
>>> since I do need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's
>>> not helping out at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind of
>>> way.
>>>
>>> I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children to
>>> deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone out
>>> to the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that
>>> doesn't seem to make any difference.
>>>
>>> I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just get
>>> me out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job that
>>> will allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a crappy
>>> call centre or something - since I would only be able, and want, to work
>>> for a few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick hours of
>>> something like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to be done
>>> work by 6 or so, and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and Brandon for
>>> only a few hours. I'd get out into civilization and be around people
>>> other than children for a little bit, and I'd have a bit of extra
>>> spending cash, right?
>>>
>>> Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and
>>> right after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house
>>> and her and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents
>>> are available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston
>>> Pizza and play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think
>>> about it, just do it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull off
>>> what he does. She said it might make him know what it feels like, yet I
>>> feel like I'm stooping to his childish level and almost feel like by
>>> doing it myself, I'd be giving him the OK for him to continue doing it.
>>> That's so far from what I want to do.
>>>
>>> We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking
>>> and not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to
>>> me about things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks
>>> right at me and lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can
>>> do whatever the hell he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I ALWAYS
>>> tell him where I am, who I'm going with, what time I'll be back. I
>>> always have my phone on me just in case, and if he calls, I always
>>> answer the phone. It seems to be the total opposite for him when it
>>> comes to me. He's the outward lyer, I'm the one who just kind of
>>> witholds information... Like I won't volunteer some things, yet when he
>>> asks me, I do not lie about it. An example is as recent as yesterday -
>>> Halloween day... I asked him if he could call me as soon as he was done
>>> work - B needed to eat and do pumpkins and go out for candy early. He
>>> said he'd call before they started packing up to go, yet he calls me
>>> AFTER he's at the bar 'playing 3 games of pool' - which turned out to be
>>> only 1.5 games of pool, apparently. He tells me that he's going with
>>> the boss down to the house company they build for's office, which just
>>> so happens to be across the street from the bar they always f*uck off
>>> to, so I told him I was already almost at the job site - wait for me,
>>> don't go with the boss, then the story changes from the boss needing to
>>> go there for something and them cleaning up as I was talking to him, to
>>> that they were already there at the office, then when I told him to stop
>>> the lies, it turned out to be 3 games of pool then after only 1.5 games.
>>>
>>> I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
>>> suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
>>> leave'...
>>> Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing what
>>> he does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm because
>>> I am going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home with the
>>> kids? What to do??
>>>
>>> --
>>> A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
>>> Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
>>> A: Top-posting.
>>> Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>
>

[Kim]

"Moon Shyne" > wrote in message
...
>
> "xkatx" > wrote in message
> news:clS9f.380321$1i.308467@pd7tw2no...
>>
>> "'Kate" > wrote in message
>> ...
>
> <snip>
>
>>
>> Money sure is a problem when you don't get paid your hourly wage to sit
>> at the bar when you say you're 'working'...
>> I'd love some type of a job. Nothing fancy, nothing special, not a job
>> that I want to do from now until forever, just something for a little
>> extra cash for the time being.
>
> Warning, warning, warning........ if this is as good as it gets, then
> you'd best plan on being able to support yourself and 2 children - because
> I can't really see that this situation is going to get a whole lot better.
>
> You may want to consider checking out available daycare, and a real job -
> then, you still get out into the world with other adults, AND you put
> yourself in a position where you can support yourself and your kids. Not
> being dependent on someone else is an amazingly empowering thing, and may
> have the additional side benefit that once he realizes he hasn't got you
> 'stuck', he may see more value in you. Right now, he's making it
> painfully clear that he sees no value in you.
>
>
Ditto

[Kim]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:SgV9f.96587$ir4.14445@edtnps90...
> Ok forgive me for being blunt, but you really have no right to bitch when
> it's been like this for quite some time. Either leave him, or accept that
> this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life. Simple.
>
> Christine
>

Ok so I'm subtle lol in the end I agree... my choice would be to give him
the heave ho and move on with my life...

[Kim]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:ZmV9f.96588$ir4.11853@edtnps90...
>
> "Kim" > wrote in message
> news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
>> Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...
>>
>> Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...
>>
>> So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option.
>> Neither is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking
>> the 'beat him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether
>>
>> Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where
>> he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's
>> paying the sitter :) Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his
>> do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own things you'll
>> grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only
>> choices you have...
>>
>> Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
>> granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice
>> hot bath some evening and just pamper yourself?
>>
>
> I don't know, maybe it's just me but hanging out at the bar while there's
> 2 small children in the house just doesn't appeal. But then again, I
> wouldn't put up with that kind of selfish crap from my partner, hence why
> I left their father in the first place.
>
> Kat, you need to see some worth in yourself before anyone will see it in
> you. No offence but staying with someone that treats you like he does is
> complete and utter bull**** and I just shake my head you're ok with it. I
> don't care how much you love someone, you should love yourself more.
>
> Christine
>
"Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd
...." -- I'd kick his ass out and do what needs to be done... Exactly what
I did many moons ago :) living with man who's absent isn't a pleasure at
all... Getting a job, supporting your children moving on and up with life
THAT is pleasing...

I'm also thinking that perhaps this could be a bit of new baby blues...
there's 2 sides to every story... Perhaps he's feeling nagged or pressured
and he needs space? we don't know... What I know is she said the logical
steps (booting him out or walking out herself) were not an option -- which
tells me that there's something more there that we don't know about...

venting is just that... blowing off steam... I agree living with that crap
is NOT healthy for the children or her... But she has to be the one to make
the move yaknow? It's easy for us to say 'yeah kick his sorry ass out" or
"yeah go out and party on your own - give him what he's got coming" I'd
like to see them sit down and discuss things before it goes to either
extreme... but with my hindsight yeah I'd be handing the sob his walking
papers and I'd allow him all the access he wanted to those children just
not to me... This one is hitting close to home so now I'm going to shut up
lol and go to bed... *grin*

Night all!

[Tiffany Duncan]

"xkatx" > wrote in message
news:aNO9f.379806$1i.99330@pd7tw2no...
> Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of a
> better word...)
>
>


Sorry to say it but he was useless before and he is useless now. Its not
just about him not making money, its about him not caring about you and his
child.

Get a job since you seem to really want to. Look into day care, I am sure
there are tons of programs that will pay it for you. As was said, plan to be
single parenting.

Oh yeah, this is the single parenting group.... so yeah, welcome to the
clan.

T

[Tiffany Duncan]

"xkatx" > wrote in message
news:axS9f.378187$oW2.112948@pd7tw1no...
>
> "Kim" > wrote in message
> news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
>> Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...
>
> Yes, I've noticed this!
>
>> Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...
>>
>> So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option.
>> Neither is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking
>> the 'beat him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether
>
> I thought about the "beat him at his own game" as well, but I really don't
> think that's the answer at all. I really don't want to go down to his
> childish level.
>
>> Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where
>> he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's
>> paying the sitter :) Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his
>> do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own things you'll
>> grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only
>> choices you have...
>
> I don't know of anyone who baby sits.

By-pass the family. You need them for time when you want to relax. Look into
day care. It is reliable, imo.

T

[P Fritz]

Christine being blunt? Say it isn't so..... ;-)

"CME" > wrote in message
news:SgV9f.96587$ir4.14445@edtnps90...
> Ok forgive me for being blunt, but you really have no right to bitch when
> it's been like this for quite some time. Either leave him, or accept that
> this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life. Simple.
>
> Christine
>
>

[Tiffany]

She wouldn't be Christine if she wasn't!

T
"P Fritz" > wrote in message
...
> Christine being blunt? Say it isn't so..... ;-)
>
> "CME" > wrote in message
> news:SgV9f.96587$ir4.14445@edtnps90...
>> Ok forgive me for being blunt, but you really have no right to bitch when
>> it's been like this for quite some time. Either leave him, or accept
>> that
>> this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life. Simple.
>>
>> Christine
>>
>>
>
>

[CME]

"P Fritz" > wrote in message
...
> Christine being blunt? Say it isn't so..... ;-)
>

Ha, ha, ha. ~rolls eyes~ Yeah and I wonder why I'm still single. lmao I
don't know, in my old age ~cough~, I've realized that you can't make someone
do anything, so put up or shut up as Kim so eloquently put it, or move on.
Frankly I don't care how much I love someone, there is never any excuse to
treat people poorly and he obviously doesn't see her or his new baby as
important. What a shmuck. I feel like visiting that bar of his and
smacking some sense into him. Too bad it wouldn't make any difference.

Kat, if you need help packing his **** to leave on the doorstep, I'm there.

Christine

[stealthaxe]

"CME" > wrote in
news:SgV9f.96587$ir4.14445@edtnps90:

> Ok forgive me for being blunt, but you really have no right to bitch
> when it's been like this for quite some time. Either leave him, or
> accept that this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life.
> Simple.

wow. harsh.


still, xkatx, the lady has a point. you can't control his behaviour, so
don't even try. if you've already attempted to go for counselling, then
you can deal with this life or you can leave him. frankly, you're living
without him anyway. the courts will probably give you enough money that
you'll have time to get a job.

also, i don't know what state you are in (or country), but normally you're
entitled to access community funds, so i'd consult with a lawyer to see how
to force that situation.

people are who they are. that being said, most women that I know in
situations like this choose to continue living it, i suppose because the
unknown is more scary than the known.

if you want change, you're going to have to do the changing. no other way
about it.


--
stealthaxe

[xkatx]

"Moon Shyne" > wrote in message
...
>
> "xkatx" > wrote in message
> news:clS9f.380321$1i.308467@pd7tw2no...
>>
>> "'Kate" > wrote in message
>> ...
>
> <snip>
>
>>
>> Money sure is a problem when you don't get paid your hourly wage to sit
>> at the bar when you say you're 'working'...
>> I'd love some type of a job. Nothing fancy, nothing special, not a job
>> that I want to do from now until forever, just something for a little
>> extra cash for the time being.
>
> Warning, warning, warning........ if this is as good as it gets, then
> you'd best plan on being able to support yourself and 2 children - because
> I can't really see that this situation is going to get a whole lot better.
>
> You may want to consider checking out available daycare, and a real job -
> then, you still get out into the world with other adults, AND you put
> yourself in a position where you can support yourself and your kids. Not
> being dependent on someone else is an amazingly empowering thing, and may
> have the additional side benefit that once he realizes he hasn't got you
> 'stuck', he may see more value in you. Right now, he's making it
> painfully clear that he sees no value in you.

Well, so far, every daycare I've called (either long ago for B or recently
inquiring about A) I was told that they will not accept an infant under 6
months of age. I asked why the signs all say 0-6 years (or whatever it may
be) and was told that "0" is 6 months.
I've always been alright in the past as far as things go - with working and
paying bills and all that stuff. It's only recently, oddly enough, that
things have been troublesome in that area of bills, rent, etc. All that's
paid off, yet it always seems to be a huge issue.
At this point, I just want to get out of the house, and to be honest, I
really don't care if it's out for a few hours of work or out for a few hours
to just get the hell out. The work part just seemed a little more
interesting because it comes along with a little bit of money.

[xkatx]

"Kim" > wrote in message
news:PZV9f.67730$yS6.5246@clgrps12...
>
> "xkatx" > wrote in message
> news:axS9f.378187$oW2.112948@pd7tw1no...
>>
>> "Kim" > wrote in message
>> news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
>>> Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...
>>
>> Yes, I've noticed this!
>>
>>> Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...
>>>
>>> So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option.
>>> Neither is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking
>>> the 'beat him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether
>>
>> I thought about the "beat him at his own game" as well, but I really
>> don't think that's the answer at all. I really don't want to go down to
>> his childish level.
>>
>>> Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar
>>> where he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht
>>> he's paying the sitter :) Rather than you doing your thing and him
>>> doing his do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own
>>> things you'll grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will
>>> be the only choices you have...
>>
>> I don't know of anyone who baby sits. There's the MIL, but she's
>> useless... She doesn't drive, she doesn't take transit, she doesn't have
>> cab money. She also smokes in her house, and we only smoke outside, and I
>> can tell people they cannot smoke in my place, but I can't tell someone
>> they can't do it in their own house... There's also my mom, but she lives
>> all the way across the city... She also works during the week, which kind
>> of leaves me stranded unless it's a weekend. He also takes off to the
>> bar during work... Usually around 3 or 4 until about 6 or so, when he
>> calls to say he's at work when he hasn't been there for hours already. I
>> never know until he gets home, or if I happen to stop there during the
>> day, but that's rarely.
>> I don't ever do my own thing... He does whatever he wants. To me, I
>> believe that if you're living together and with someone, you do things
>> together. You have a life together which means you don't have your own
>> seperate lives... I include him when I do things, and when we go out with
>> a friend, it's ALWAYS with another couple friend... We have 2 couple
>> friends that we talk to, and that's the only friends I really have, yet
>> he does, still, whatever he feels like doing. I don't enjoy going out
>> alone... He doesn't care. My mom is often available and willing to
>> babysit - for free - on weekends if my parents have no plans... Norm
>> knows that, but does he really care?
>>
>>> Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
>>> granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice
>>> hot bath some evening and just pamper yourself?
>>
>> Well, all my family live a fair ways away... My parents, cousin and
>> grandma all live fairly north. My aunt lives far west. Norm's mom lives
>> south, and we are south as well (about a 10 min drive from her)...
>> Perhaps a dad could actually be useful and helpful? I know there's a
>> whole crapload of useful dads who actually do something... Even if it's
>> just taking the kids to the park or something so I could do something as
>> basic as have a nice hot shower for more than 4 minutes... Yet he really
>> doesn't do that all that much. I wonder if I should try to put an ad up
>> at the grocery store looking for a baby sitter for 1-2 times a month.
>> Anyone have any luck with an approach like that?
>>
>
> You could try that... Personally I think you need to sit the boy down and
> have a heart to heart... You are sounding somewhat bitter and jealous...
> Time to put the cards on the table and do the put up or shut up thing...
> You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do... Nagging will
> only make matters worse... Playing his games don't help... If he doesn't
> have enough respect for you to sit and try to understand what you are
> feeling then you are with the wrong mate whether you like it or not.

"Heart to heart" usually means him getting ****ed off, and I know it's
partly my fault since I do have a really tough time expressing myself or
putting my thoughts into words. I really suck at sitting down and saying
what I want to say in an appropriate and fair way, and I do see and realize
that sometimes when I express myself, say what's bothering me, he gets
offended and sometimes with good reason.
I think I'm more than somewhat bitter and jealous. I feel like I have had
someone dump an extra child on me, on top of the 2 real children. I'm stuck
at home all day, and when he says that I don't do a thing all day and don't
have to work, I almost fly off the handle with that and tell him I'd much
rather change careers and have a day job that doesn't require changing
diapers, making lunches and snacks, doing the dishes, etc., all day long,
every day.
It's not that he doesn't have the respect for me to try and understand, I
seem to lack the ability to actually say what I mean to say in a proper way
that doesn't upset everyone involved.

>>>
>>> "xkatx" > wrote in message
>>> news:aNO9f.379806$1i.99330@pd7tw2no...
>>>> Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of
>>>> a better word...)
>>>>
>>>> So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account
>>>> is sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off
>>>> the relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately
>>>> because of it.
>>>>
>>>> Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day...
>>>> He f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on
>>>> about that
>>>> anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
>>>> (That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night
>>>> with B
>>>> and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.
>>>>
>>>> The day goes like this:
>>>> 6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
>>>> 6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie
>>>> sleep.
>>>> 7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
>>>> 7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm
>>>> and Amie sleep.
>>>> 8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I
>>>> change A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
>>>> 8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive
>>>> Norm to work.
>>>> 8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
>>>> dishes, other random things that need to be done.
>>>> 12:15pm - B gets home from school.
>>>> 12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
>>>> 1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
>>>> 5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope
>>>> to hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
>>>> 5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
>>>> 8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
>>>> computer/goes to sleep.
>>>> 9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's
>>>> sleeping by this time 80% of the time.
>>>> 10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up,
>>>> whatever, or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep
>>>> before midnight.
>>>>
>>>> I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time.
>>>> He always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
>>>> everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
>>>> should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I
>>>> sit and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day
>>>> when this so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out
>>>> without being distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I
>>>> must sleep all day, get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and
>>>> night.
>>>>
>>>> Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do
>>>> love him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out
>>>> since I do need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's
>>>> not helping out at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind
>>>> of way.
>>>>
>>>> I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children
>>>> to deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone
>>>> out to the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that
>>>> doesn't seem to make any difference.
>>>>
>>>> I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just
>>>> get me out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job
>>>> that will allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a
>>>> crappy call centre or something - since I would only be able, and want,
>>>> to work for a few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick
>>>> hours of something like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to
>>>> be done work by 6 or so, and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and
>>>> Brandon for only a few hours. I'd get out into civilization and be
>>>> around people other than children for a little bit, and I'd have a bit
>>>> of extra spending cash, right?
>>>>
>>>> Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and
>>>> right after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house
>>>> and her and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents
>>>> are available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston
>>>> Pizza and play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think
>>>> about it, just do it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull
>>>> off what he does. She said it might make him know what it feels like,
>>>> yet I feel like I'm stooping to his childish level and almost feel like
>>>> by doing it myself, I'd be giving him the OK for him to continue doing
>>>> it. That's so far from what I want to do.
>>>>
>>>> We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking
>>>> and not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to
>>>> me about things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks
>>>> right at me and lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can
>>>> do whatever the hell he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I
>>>> ALWAYS tell him where I am, who I'm going with, what time I'll be back.
>>>> I always have my phone on me just in case, and if he calls, I always
>>>> answer the phone. It seems to be the total opposite for him when it
>>>> comes to me. He's the outward lyer, I'm the one who just kind of
>>>> witholds information... Like I won't volunteer some things, yet when he
>>>> asks me, I do not lie about it. An example is as recent as yesterday -
>>>> Halloween day... I asked him if he could call me as soon as he was done
>>>> work - B needed to eat and do pumpkins and go out for candy early. He
>>>> said he'd call before they started packing up to go, yet he calls me
>>>> AFTER he's at the bar 'playing 3 games of pool' - which turned out to
>>>> be only 1.5 games of pool, apparently. He tells me that he's going
>>>> with the boss down to the house company they build for's office, which
>>>> just so happens to be across the street from the bar they always f*uck
>>>> off to, so I told him I was already almost at the job site - wait for
>>>> me, don't go with the boss, then the story changes from the boss
>>>> needing to go there for something and them cleaning up as I was talking
>>>> to him, to that they were already there at the office, then when I told
>>>> him to stop the lies, it turned out to be 3 games of pool then after
>>>> only 1.5 games.
>>>>
>>>> I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
>>>> suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
>>>> leave'...
>>>> Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing
>>>> what he does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm
>>>> because I am going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home
>>>> with the kids? What to do??
>>>>
>>>> --
>>>> A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
>>>> Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
>>>> A: Top-posting.
>>>> Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>
>

[Moon Shyne]

"xkatx" > wrote in message
news:Zbvaf.394234$1i.109313@pd7tw2no...
>
> "Moon Shyne" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "xkatx" > wrote in message
>> news:clS9f.380321$1i.308467@pd7tw2no...
>>>
>>> "'Kate" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>
>> <snip>
>>
>>>
>>> Money sure is a problem when you don't get paid your hourly wage to sit
>>> at the bar when you say you're 'working'...
>>> I'd love some type of a job. Nothing fancy, nothing special, not a job
>>> that I want to do from now until forever, just something for a little
>>> extra cash for the time being.
>>
>> Warning, warning, warning........ if this is as good as it gets, then
>> you'd best plan on being able to support yourself and 2 children -
>> because I can't really see that this situation is going to get a whole
>> lot better.
>>
>> You may want to consider checking out available daycare, and a real job -
>> then, you still get out into the world with other adults, AND you put
>> yourself in a position where you can support yourself and your kids. Not
>> being dependent on someone else is an amazingly empowering thing, and may
>> have the additional side benefit that once he realizes he hasn't got you
>> 'stuck', he may see more value in you. Right now, he's making it
>> painfully clear that he sees no value in you.
>
> Well, so far, every daycare I've called (either long ago for B or recently
> inquiring about A) I was told that they will not accept an infant under 6
> months of age. I asked why the signs all say 0-6 years (or whatever it
> may be) and was told that "0" is 6 months.
> I've always been alright in the past as far as things go - with working
> and paying bills and all that stuff. It's only recently, oddly enough,
> that things have been troublesome in that area of bills, rent, etc. All
> that's paid off, yet it always seems to be a huge issue.
> At this point, I just want to get out of the house, and to be honest, I
> really don't care if it's out for a few hours of work or out for a few
> hours to just get the hell out. The work part just seemed a little more
> interesting because it comes along with a little bit of money.

Ok - HOWEVER, it seems to me that I was more than a little concerned when
you first announced your pregnancy on this newsgroup, and there were issues
with N. back then - so now, you've gone through the 9 months of pregnancy,
you have your daughter now, and the problems in your relationship are worse,
from the sounds of it, not better.

Pretend you're your own best friend, and then re-read your posts from the
beginning of the pregnancy, and then the one to which I had responded - and
then give your best friend (that's you, btw) some advice.


>
>

[CME]

"Moon Shyne" > wrote in message
...
>
> Ok - HOWEVER, it seems to me that I was more than a little concerned when
> you first announced your pregnancy on this newsgroup, and there were
> issues with N. back then - so now, you've gone through the 9 months of
> pregnancy, you have your daughter now, and the problems in your
> relationship are worse, from the sounds of it, not better.
>
> Pretend you're your own best friend, and then re-read your posts from the
> beginning of the pregnancy, and then the one to which I had responded -
> and then give your best friend (that's you, btw) some advice.
>

I don't think she wants our advice, or our help, she wants to be able to
vent and to hear some awwww poor Kat, that's horrible. Sorry, but it ain't
happening from me. You made a choice to have a baby with this man when you
knew he was like this. Can you honestly say you thought bringing a child
into this relationship was going to make it better? That he miraculously
was going to change and be a man? Have you not learned from any of our
experiences over the last few years??? No, apparently not and I shake my
head. Seeing you go through this makes me so angry because I thought you
were smarter than this.

Christine

[Kim]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:zJBaf.102814$ir4.49566@edtnps90...
>
> "Moon Shyne" > wrote in message
> ...

>> Pretend you're your own best friend, and then re-read your posts from the
>> beginning of the pregnancy, and then the one to which I had responded -
>> and then give your best friend (that's you, btw) some advice.
>>
>
> I don't think she wants our advice, or our help, she wants to be able to
> vent and to hear some awwww poor Kat, that's horrible. Sorry, but it
> ain't happening from me. You made a choice to have a baby with this man
> when you knew he was like this. Can you honestly say you thought bringing
> a child into this relationship was going to make it better? That he
> miraculously was going to change and be a man? Have you not learned from
> any of our experiences over the last few years??? No, apparently not and
> I shake my head. Seeing you go through this makes me so angry because I
> thought you were smarter than this.
>
> Christine
>

OOOOOooooooo.... NOW YER IN TRUBBBBBBBBBBBLE!

[Tiffany]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:zJBaf.102814$ir4.49566@edtnps90...
>
> "Moon Shyne" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> Ok - HOWEVER, it seems to me that I was more than a little concerned when
>> you first announced your pregnancy on this newsgroup, and there were
>> issues with N. back then - so now, you've gone through the 9 months of
>> pregnancy, you have your daughter now, and the problems in your
>> relationship are worse, from the sounds of it, not better.
>>
>> Pretend you're your own best friend, and then re-read your posts from the
>> beginning of the pregnancy, and then the one to which I had responded -
>> and then give your best friend (that's you, btw) some advice.
>>
>
> I don't think she wants our advice, or our help, she wants to be able to
> vent and to hear some awwww poor Kat, that's horrible. Sorry, but it
> ain't happening from me. You made a choice to have a baby with this man
> when you knew he was like this. Can you honestly say you thought bringing
> a child into this relationship was going to make it better? That he
> miraculously was going to change and be a man? Have you not learned from
> any of our experiences over the last few years??? No, apparently not and
> I shake my head. Seeing you go through this makes me so angry because I
> thought you were smarter than this.
>
> Christine
>

I hear what you say but oddly, I have a friend who got pregnant and the
father (they were unmarried, he had no kids, didn't want em) was asking her
to get an abortion. Well, she said hell no, they almost broke up but he
didn't really go away. Once that baby was born, he was happy as a pig in
****. To this day, they are together and he is a good father. I am sure he
has his moments, but don't we all?

I think the big difference is that they are adults...... 30-40 yr olds. He
is more mature and knows to take care of his responsibilities. We were all
very happy to see the change in him.

T

[CME]

"Tiffany" > wrote in message
news:eHJaf.2416$9u4.1428@trnddc01...
>
> "CME" > wrote in message
> news:zJBaf.102814$ir4.49566@edtnps90...
>>
>> "Moon Shyne" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>> Ok - HOWEVER, it seems to me that I was more than a little concerned
>>> when you first announced your pregnancy on this newsgroup, and there
>>> were issues with N. back then - so now, you've gone through the 9 months
>>> of pregnancy, you have your daughter now, and the problems in your
>>> relationship are worse, from the sounds of it, not better.
>>>
>>> Pretend you're your own best friend, and then re-read your posts from
>>> the beginning of the pregnancy, and then the one to which I had
>>> responded - and then give your best friend (that's you, btw) some
>>> advice.
>>>
>>
>> I don't think she wants our advice, or our help, she wants to be able to
>> vent and to hear some awwww poor Kat, that's horrible. Sorry, but it
>> ain't happening from me. You made a choice to have a baby with this man
>> when you knew he was like this. Can you honestly say you thought
>> bringing a child into this relationship was going to make it better?
>> That he miraculously was going to change and be a man? Have you not
>> learned from any of our experiences over the last few years??? No,
>> apparently not and I shake my head. Seeing you go through this makes me
>> so angry because I thought you were smarter than this.
>>
>> Christine
>>
>
> I hear what you say but oddly, I have a friend who got pregnant and the
> father (they were unmarried, he had no kids, didn't want em) was asking
> her to get an abortion. Well, she said hell no, they almost broke up but
> he didn't really go away. Once that baby was born, he was happy as a pig
> in ****. To this day, they are together and he is a good father. I am sure
> he has his moments, but don't we all?
>
> I think the big difference is that they are adults...... 30-40 yr olds. He
> is more mature and knows to take care of his responsibilities. We were all
> very happy to see the change in him.
>
> T

I hear what you're saying, I just don't have much respect for women that
have 4 different children from 4 different fathers. It's like they lack the
ability to learn from their mistakes. If and when I choose to have more
children, I will get married, and be with that person for 2-3 YEARS before I
bring another child into this world. My biggest fear is becoming a single
parent AGAIN so I don't care how much I may love someone, I will love that
baby more than subject it to another loser in my lifetime.

Christine

[Tiffany]

"CME" > wrote in message
news:7SRaf.103031$Io.78623@clgrps13...
>
> "Tiffany" > wrote in message
> news:eHJaf.2416$9u4.1428@trnddc01...
>>
>> "CME" > wrote in message
>> news:zJBaf.102814$ir4.49566@edtnps90...
>>>
>>> "Moon Shyne" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>>
>>>> Ok - HOWEVER, it seems to me that I was more than a little concerned
>>>> when you first announced your pregnancy on this newsgroup, and there
>>>> were issues with N. back then - so now, you've gone through the 9
>>>> months of pregnancy, you have your daughter now, and the problems in
>>>> your relationship are worse, from the sounds of it, not better.
>>>>
>>>> Pretend you're your own best friend, and then re-read your posts from
>>>> the beginning of the pregnancy, and then the one to which I had
>>>> responded - and then give your best friend (that's you, btw) some
>>>> advice.
>>>>
>>>
>>> I don't think she wants our advice, or our help, she wants to be able to
>>> vent and to hear some awwww poor Kat, that's horrible. Sorry, but it
>>> ain't happening from me. You made a choice to have a baby with this man
>>> when you knew he was like this. Can you honestly say you thought
>>> bringing a child into this relationship was going to make it better?
>>> That he miraculously was going to change and be a man? Have you not
>>> learned from any of our experiences over the last few years??? No,
>>> apparently not and I shake my head. Seeing you go through this makes me
>>> so angry because I thought you were smarter than this.
>>>
>>> Christine
>>>
>>
>> I hear what you say but oddly, I have a friend who got pregnant and the
>> father (they were unmarried, he had no kids, didn't want em) was asking
>> her to get an abortion. Well, she said hell no, they almost broke up but
>> he didn't really go away. Once that baby was born, he was happy as a pig
>> in ****. To this day, they are together and he is a good father. I am
>> sure he has his moments, but don't we all?
>>
>> I think the big difference is that they are adults...... 30-40 yr olds.
>> He is more mature and knows to take care of his responsibilities. We were
>> all very happy to see the change in him.
>>
>> T
>
> I hear what you're saying, I just don't have much respect for women that
> have 4 different children from 4 different fathers. It's like they lack
> the ability to learn from their mistakes. If and when I choose to have
> more children, I will get married, and be with that person for 2-3 YEARS
> before I bring another child into this world. My biggest fear is becoming
> a single parent AGAIN so I don't care how much I may love someone, I will
> love that baby more than subject it to another loser in my lifetime.
>
> Christine
>

I just decided to not have any more kids... then I don't have to worry about
doing it alone again! Plus as it stands now, I practice absenence so I don't
even have to worry about that 1% chance of getting knocked up. lol

T

[P. Fritz]

"Tiffany" > wrote in message
news:ICSaf.2222$vC6.937@trnddc05...
>
> "CME" > wrote in message
> news:7SRaf.103031$Io.78623@clgrps13...
>>
>> "Tiffany" > wrote in message
>> news:eHJaf.2416$9u4.1428@trnddc01...
>>>
>>> "CME" > wrote in message
>>> news:zJBaf.102814$ir4.49566@edtnps90...
>>>>
>>>> "Moon Shyne" > wrote in message
>>>> ...
>>>>>
>>>>> Ok - HOWEVER, it seems to me that I was more than a little concerned
>>>>> when you first announced your pregnancy on this newsgroup, and there
>>>>> were issues with N. back then - so now, you've gone through the 9
>>>>> months of pregnancy, you have your daughter now, and the problems in
>>>>> your relationship are worse, from the sounds of it, not better.
>>>>>
>>>>> Pretend you're your own best friend, and then re-read your posts
from
>>>>> the beginning of the pregnancy, and then the one to which I had
>>>>> responded - and then give your best friend (that's you, btw) some
>>>>> advice.
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>> I don't think she wants our advice, or our help, she wants to be able
to
>>>> vent and to hear some awwww poor Kat, that's horrible. Sorry, but it
>>>> ain't happening from me. You made a choice to have a baby with this
man
>>>> when you knew he was like this. Can you honestly say you thought
>>>> bringing a child into this relationship was going to make it better?
>>>> That he miraculously was going to change and be a man? Have you not
>>>> learned from any of our experiences over the last few years??? No,
>>>> apparently not and I shake my head. Seeing you go through this makes
me
>>>> so angry because I thought you were smarter than this.
>>>>
>>>> Christine
>>>>
>>>
>>> I hear what you say but oddly, I have a friend who got pregnant and
the
>>> father (they were unmarried, he had no kids, didn't want em) was
asking
>>> her to get an abortion. Well, she said hell no, they almost broke up
but
>>> he didn't really go away. Once that baby was born, he was happy as a
pig
>>> in ****. To this day, they are together and he is a good father. I am
>>> sure he has his moments, but don't we all?
>>>
>>> I think the big difference is that they are adults...... 30-40 yr
olds.
>>> He is more mature and knows to take care of his responsibilities. We
were
>>> all very happy to see the change in him.
>>>
>>> T
>>
>> I hear what you're saying, I just don't have much respect for women
that
>> have 4 different children from 4 different fathers. It's like they
lack
>> the ability to learn from their mistakes. If and when I choose to have
>> more children, I will get married, and be with that person for 2-3
YEARS
>> before I bring another child into this world. My biggest fear is
becoming
>> a single parent AGAIN so I don't care how much I may love someone, I
will
>> love that baby more than subject it to another loser in my lifetime.
>>
>> Christine
>>
>
> I just decided to not have any more kids... then I don't have to worry
about
> doing it alone again! Plus as it stands now, I practice absenence so I
don't
> even have to worry about that 1% chance of getting knocked up. lol
>
> T
>
>

You have to "practice" it???????


Sorry......couldn't resist :-)

[Tiffany]

"P. Fritz" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Tiffany" > wrote in message
> news:ICSaf.2222$vC6.937@trnddc05...
> >
> > "CME" > wrote in message
> > news:7SRaf.103031$Io.78623@clgrps13...
> >>
> >> "Tiffany" > wrote in message
> >> news:eHJaf.2416$9u4.1428@trnddc01...
> >>>
> >>> "CME" > wrote in message
> >>> news:zJBaf.102814$ir4.49566@edtnps90...
> >>>>
> >>>> "Moon Shyne" > wrote in message
> >>>> ...
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Ok - HOWEVER, it seems to me that I was more than a little
> concerned
> >>>>> when you first announced your pregnancy on this newsgroup, and
> there
> >>>>> were issues with N. back then - so now, you've gone through the 9
> >>>>> months of pregnancy, you have your daughter now, and the problems
> in
> >>>>> your relationship are worse, from the sounds of it, not better.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Pretend you're your own best friend, and then re-read your posts
> from
> >>>>> the beginning of the pregnancy, and then the one to which I had
> >>>>> responded - and then give your best friend (that's you, btw) some
> >>>>> advice.
> >>>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> I don't think she wants our advice, or our help, she wants to be
> able to
> >>>> vent and to hear some awwww poor Kat, that's horrible. Sorry, but
> it
> >>>> ain't happening from me. You made a choice to have a baby with this
> man
> >>>> when you knew he was like this. Can you honestly say you thought
> >>>> bringing a child into this relationship was going to make it better?
> >>>> That he miraculously was going to change and be a man? Have you not
> >>>> learned from any of our experiences over the last few years??? No,
> >>>> apparently not and I shake my head. Seeing you go through this
> makes me
> >>>> so angry because I thought you were smarter than this.
> >>>>
> >>>> Christine
> >>>>
> >>>
> >>> I hear what you say but oddly, I have a friend who got pregnant and
> the
> >>> father (they were unmarried, he had no kids, didn't want em) was
> asking
> >>> her to get an abortion. Well, she said hell no, they almost broke up
> but
> >>> he didn't really go away. Once that baby was born, he was happy as a
> pig
> >>> in ****. To this day, they are together and he is a good father. I am
> >>> sure he has his moments, but don't we all?
> >>>
> >>> I think the big difference is that they are adults...... 30-40 yr
> olds.
> >>> He is more mature and knows to take care of his responsibilities. We
> were
> >>> all very happy to see the change in him.
> >>>
> >>> T
> >>
> >> I hear what you're saying, I just don't have much respect for women
> that
> >> have 4 different children from 4 different fathers. It's like they
> lack
> >> the ability to learn from their mistakes. If and when I choose to
> have
> >> more children, I will get married, and be with that person for 2-3
> YEARS
> >> before I bring another child into this world. My biggest fear is
> becoming
> >> a single parent AGAIN so I don't care how much I may love someone, I
> will
> >> love that baby more than subject it to another loser in my lifetime.
> >>
> >> Christine
> >>
> >
> > I just decided to not have any more kids... then I don't have to worry
> about
> > doing it alone again! Plus as it stands now, I practice absenence so I
> don't
> > even have to worry about that 1% chance of getting knocked up. lol
> >
> > T
> >
> >
>
> You have to "practice" it???????
>
>
> Sorry......couldn't resist :-)
>
>
>

lol.... I have gotten pretty good. No practice involved. But one day I will
have to practice no abstinence. lol

T