Help! Married with Children

[John]

Help! Married with Children


Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have
two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife
is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved
around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
kids, drive shuttles, etc.

[Chotii]

"John" > wrote in message
om...
> Help! Married with Children
>
>
> Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have
> two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife
> is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved
> around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
> kids, drive shuttles, etc.

Sounds to me like you have identified the source of the problem: your
addiction, and your willingness to not only allow it to become a source of
discord, but a point of resentment.

I think you know the answer to your own (unasked) question.

--angela

[Elizabeth Reid]

(John) wrote in message >...

> Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have
> two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife
> is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved
> around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
> kids, drive shuttles, etc.

This sounds like a troll, but in case it's not:

A fact of life of having two young kids is that your time
to do other things is going to be limited. With creative problem-
solving you can probably still get some time on the river, but
if your solution is, wife should suck it up and allow you
to pursue your hobby single-mindedly while she cares for
your children alone, you're headed for rocky waters, my
friend.

Have you considered adopting something like a 1/3 - 1/3 - 1/3
plan? 1/3 of weekends are 'yours', to do river trips or whatever.
1/3 of weekends are 'hers', where you take primary responsibility
for the kids (less any breastfeeding) and she gets to do
some things she wants to do. 1/3 of weekends are 'family',
where you all spend time together as a group. This is just
one possibility, but it's an example of the kind of
problem-solving I was talking about.

Beth

[dejablues]

Camping with small kids is great fun (tent is ok but a camper or RV is
nicer!), and could be combined with whitewater rafting trips. That was the
whole family could be together, go for a hike or whatever,and dad can get in
a little rafting too.



"Sue" > wrote in message
...
> John > wrote in message
> om...
> > Help! Married with Children
> >
> Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have
> > two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife
> > is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved
> > around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
> > kids, drive shuttles, etc.
>
> It's okay to have a hobby. My husband's passion is golf. However, my
husband
> learned a long time ago that he is not going to be able to devote all of
his
> free time for his hobby. We have three kids and they are very close
> togethter in age. I am not one of those wives who has to have their
husband
> with them all the time and rather enjoy when my husband does go on trips
or
> golf outings. I enjoy being on my own. However, I suspect that your wife
> isn't being allowed to have any free time on her own. Do you keep the kids
> on a weekend day so she can go and do what she likes? Can you somehow get
> your kids involved in your hobby. Most kids love the water and if you can
> somehow incorporate them (and your wife if she is interested) then perhaps
> she can have some time to pursue her hobby. Talk with your wife and see
how
> she is feeling. If she needs some time on her own, then give that to her
and
> she might like your hobby better. If she is just being unreasonable and
> wants all of your time, then she needs to compromise. Good luck.
> --
> Sue
> mom to three girls
>
>

[Sue]

John > wrote in message
om...
> Help! Married with Children
>
Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have
> two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife
> is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved
> around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
> kids, drive shuttles, etc.

It's okay to have a hobby. My husband's passion is golf. However, my husband
learned a long time ago that he is not going to be able to devote all of his
free time for his hobby. We have three kids and they are very close
togethter in age. I am not one of those wives who has to have their husband
with them all the time and rather enjoy when my husband does go on trips or
golf outings. I enjoy being on my own. However, I suspect that your wife
isn't being allowed to have any free time on her own. Do you keep the kids
on a weekend day so she can go and do what she likes? Can you somehow get
your kids involved in your hobby. Most kids love the water and if you can
somehow incorporate them (and your wife if she is interested) then perhaps
she can have some time to pursue her hobby. Talk with your wife and see how
she is feeling. If she needs some time on her own, then give that to her and
she might like your hobby better. If she is just being unreasonable and
wants all of your time, then she needs to compromise. Good luck.
--
Sue
mom to three girls

[aps]

In article >, Brandy
Kurtz > wrote:

> (John) wrote in message
> >...
> > Help! Married with Children
> >
> >
> > Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have
> > two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife
> > is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved
> > around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
> > kids, drive shuttles, etc.
>
> Maybe if you helped out more around the house with the kids and
> chores, and paid your wife some attention, she wouldn't resent you
> going on your whitewater trips. Does your wife also have a hobby, or
> are you so wrapped up in yours that she doesn't get a chance?
>
> Brandy (who BTW resents men who think women are there for babysitting
> and housework!)

Hey, you left out that John is a contemptible heel who probably has
issues with his mother :-)

Seriously, the problem to be worked out is how evenly the parenting
responsibilities are actually shared, compared with how evenly the
couple assumes they should be shared. E.g., my sister just assumes that
her husband is too busy heroically working to support his family to
pick up many womanly responsibilities. She'd frankly resent his
intrusion on her domain.

Personally, I'm doing about half minus the BF thing, and we were pretty
much in agreement about division of housework to begin with. I guess
I'm girly like that. There's still some tension, because I want to go
off on my own for a climbing day trip now and then while she doesn't
like to be off on her own more than a couple yoga classes and some
shopping every week.

My strategy is to remind her of aggregated "her" time, bank it up until
it amounts to a cragging trip that's shorter than I'd like but
satisfying enough, and float it by her after an especially fussy night
or a yoga class trip that went long--anything that sparks her sympathy.

But you need to have this routine worked out before the shoe drops. In
any case, internet time cuts into my time allowance, and it was
probably a troll to begin with :-)

APS

[Sue]

We love camping. We used to have the tent, but this year we were able to buy
a pop-up camper. It has been so much fun to go camping at various places.
--
Sue
mom to three girls

dejablues > wrote in message
...
> Camping with small kids is great fun (tent is ok but a camper or RV is
> nicer!), and could be combined with whitewater rafting trips. That was the
> whole family could be together, go for a hike or whatever,and dad can get
in
> a little rafting too.
>
>
>
> "Sue" > wrote in message
> ...
> > John > wrote in message
> > om...
> > > Help! Married with Children
> > >
> > Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have
> > > two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife
> > > is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved
> > > around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
> > > kids, drive shuttles, etc.
> >
> > It's okay to have a hobby. My husband's passion is golf. However, my
> husband
> > learned a long time ago that he is not going to be able to devote all of
> his
> > free time for his hobby. We have three kids and they are very close
> > togethter in age. I am not one of those wives who has to have their
> husband
> > with them all the time and rather enjoy when my husband does go on trips
> or
> > golf outings. I enjoy being on my own. However, I suspect that your wife
> > isn't being allowed to have any free time on her own. Do you keep the
kids
> > on a weekend day so she can go and do what she likes? Can you somehow
get
> > your kids involved in your hobby. Most kids love the water and if you
can
> > somehow incorporate them (and your wife if she is interested) then
perhaps
> > she can have some time to pursue her hobby. Talk with your wife and see
> how
> > she is feeling. If she needs some time on her own, then give that to her
> and
> > she might like your hobby better. If she is just being unreasonable and
> > wants all of your time, then she needs to compromise. Good luck.
> > --
> > Sue
> > mom to three girls
> >
> >
>
>

[dejablues]

We did the tent thing for a couple years, then a 16-ft camper, then finally
a couple years ago we got a used 30-ft motorhome, which DH refurbished. I
agree, it is so much fun to go to different places, and camping is ideal for
small kids, you can pack up and take all their favorite stuff, and they get
so tired out during the day that they sleep like logs at night! Even with
babies it was not too much trouble. We even take the dog LOL.
Kids love adventures, and the planning and packing and getting there is half
the fun!




"Sue" > wrote in message
...
> We love camping. We used to have the tent, but this year we were able to
buy
> a pop-up camper. It has been so much fun to go camping at various places.
> --
> Sue
> mom to three girls
>
> dejablues > wrote in message
> ...
> > Camping with small kids is great fun (tent is ok but a camper or RV is
> > nicer!), and could be combined with whitewater rafting trips. That was
the
> > whole family could be together, go for a hike or whatever,and dad can
get
> in
> > a little rafting too.
> >
> >
> >
> > "Sue" > wrote in message
> > ...
> > > John > wrote in message
> > > om...
> > > > Help! Married with Children
> > > >
> > > Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have
> > > > two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My
wife
> > > > is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved
> > > > around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
> > > > kids, drive shuttles, etc.
> > >
> > > It's okay to have a hobby. My husband's passion is golf. However, my
> > husband
> > > learned a long time ago that he is not going to be able to devote all
of
> > his
> > > free time for his hobby. We have three kids and they are very close
> > > togethter in age. I am not one of those wives who has to have their
> > husband
> > > with them all the time and rather enjoy when my husband does go on
trips
> > or
> > > golf outings. I enjoy being on my own. However, I suspect that your
wife
> > > isn't being allowed to have any free time on her own. Do you keep the
> kids
> > > on a weekend day so she can go and do what she likes? Can you somehow
> get
> > > your kids involved in your hobby. Most kids love the water and if you
> can
> > > somehow incorporate them (and your wife if she is interested) then
> perhaps
> > > she can have some time to pursue her hobby. Talk with your wife and
see
> > how
> > > she is feeling. If she needs some time on her own, then give that to
her
> > and
> > > she might like your hobby better. If she is just being unreasonable
and
> > > wants all of your time, then she needs to compromise. Good luck.
> > > --
> > > Sue
> > > mom to three girls
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>

[Brandy Kurtz]

aps > wrote in message >...
> In article >, Brandy
> Kurtz > wrote:
>
> > (John) wrote in message
> > >...
> > > Help! Married with Children
> > >
> > >
> > > Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have
> > > two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife
> > > is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved
> > > around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
> > > kids, drive shuttles, etc.
> >
> > Maybe if you helped out more around the house with the kids and
> > chores, and paid your wife some attention, she wouldn't resent you
> > going on your whitewater trips. Does your wife also have a hobby, or
> > are you so wrapped up in yours that she doesn't get a chance?
> >
> > Brandy (who BTW resents men who think women are there for babysitting
> > and housework!)
>
> Hey, you left out that John is a contemptible heel who probably has
> issues with his mother :-)


Oops! Sorry about that! Had a *very* bad day yesterday!

Brandy (who thinks she shouldn't answer posts when she's had a bad day...:)

[Sue]

In a few years, I would love to graduate to a motorhome, but hubby is
reluctant to drive one, lol.

Yep, if you have any sleep problems with kids, then take them camping ;o)

--
Sue
mom to three girls

dejablues > wrote in message
...
> We did the tent thing for a couple years, then a 16-ft camper, then
finally
> a couple years ago we got a used 30-ft motorhome, which DH refurbished. I
> agree, it is so much fun to go to different places, and camping is ideal
for
> small kids, you can pack up and take all their favorite stuff, and they
get
> so tired out during the day that they sleep like logs at night! Even with
> babies it was not too much trouble. We even take the dog LOL.
> Kids love adventures, and the planning and packing and getting there is
half
> the fun!
>
>
>
>
> "Sue" > wrote in message
> ...
> > We love camping. We used to have the tent, but this year we were able to
> buy
> > a pop-up camper. It has been so much fun to go camping at various
places.
> > --
> > Sue
> > mom to three girls
> >
> > dejablues > wrote in message
> > ...
> > > Camping with small kids is great fun (tent is ok but a camper or RV is
> > > nicer!), and could be combined with whitewater rafting trips. That was
> the
> > > whole family could be together, go for a hike or whatever,and dad can
> get
> > in
> > > a little rafting too.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > "Sue" > wrote in message
> > > ...
> > > > John > wrote in message
> > > > om...
> > > > > Help! Married with Children
> > > > >
> > > > Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now
have
> > > > > two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My
> wife
> > > > > is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has
revolved
> > > > > around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
> > > > > kids, drive shuttles, etc.
> > > >
> > > > It's okay to have a hobby. My husband's passion is golf. However, my
> > > husband
> > > > learned a long time ago that he is not going to be able to devote
all
> of
> > > his
> > > > free time for his hobby. We have three kids and they are very close
> > > > togethter in age. I am not one of those wives who has to have their
> > > husband
> > > > with them all the time and rather enjoy when my husband does go on
> trips
> > > or
> > > > golf outings. I enjoy being on my own. However, I suspect that your
> wife
> > > > isn't being allowed to have any free time on her own. Do you keep
the
> > kids
> > > > on a weekend day so she can go and do what she likes? Can you
somehow
> > get
> > > > your kids involved in your hobby. Most kids love the water and if
you
> > can
> > > > somehow incorporate them (and your wife if she is interested) then
> > perhaps
> > > > she can have some time to pursue her hobby. Talk with your wife and
> see
> > > how
> > > > she is feeling. If she needs some time on her own, then give that to
> her
> > > and
> > > > she might like your hobby better. If she is just being unreasonable
> and
> > > > wants all of your time, then she needs to compromise. Good luck.
> > > > --
> > > > Sue
> > > > mom to three girls
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>

[aps]

In article >, Brandy
Kurtz > wrote:

>
> Oops! Sorry about that! Had a *very* bad day yesterday!

No worries--I do to the "hair trigger reply button" thing too. Fact is,
the original post sounded a bit like a lout--makes the rest of us
husbands look worse than we mostly are :-)

APS