deliriously tired...please help!

[Jess]

"oregonchick" > wrote in message
...
> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

Let someone else handle the dogs, and keep yelling at your husband when he
does dope things like go off skiing when you haven't had any sleep. Right
now, your four goals are to shower, eat, sleep and nurse. Let someone else
handle anything outside that.

And yes, it'll start getting better soon.

Jess

[oregonchick]

Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
Things seem to be healing up now.

Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm
getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for
leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night. I
was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now. Emily is 3
wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2
hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed again. Everyone
is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be alone with the baby
for the first time since she was born. I'm a little afraid and feeling
overwhelmed.

I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings, I
think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The accumulating
exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope? I also have 2
dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I feel like there
is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my
teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and feel sad that I look
so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or stretch marks that bother me,
it's the dark circles and haggard look in my face....

I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to
start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my attention.
My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...

Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

Betsy

[oregonchick]

"Jess" > wrote in message
news:cFTtf.188$Dh.119@dukeread04...
>
> "oregonchick" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
>> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!
>
> Let someone else handle the dogs, and keep yelling at your husband when he
> does dope things like go off skiing when you haven't had any sleep. Right
> now, your four goals are to shower, eat, sleep and nurse. Let someone else
> handle anything outside that.
>
> And yes, it'll start getting better soon.
>
> Jess

Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol, and
has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this winter.
He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves to do.
It's just a volunteer position, but I know that it means alot to him.
Still, right now it's hard on me. But I hate to be selfish! I just don't
know... I feel a little unbalanced right now - you know, with the hormones
and sleep issues!

[Cocoamum]

oregonchick skrev:
> "Jess" > wrote in message
> news:cFTtf.188$Dh.119@dukeread04...
>
>>"oregonchick" > wrote in message
...
>>
>>>Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
>>>miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!
>>
>>Let someone else handle the dogs, and keep yelling at your husband when he
>>does dope things like go off skiing when you haven't had any sleep. Right
>>now, your four goals are to shower, eat, sleep and nurse. Let someone else
>>handle anything outside that.
>>
>>And yes, it'll start getting better soon.
>>
>>Jess
>
>
> Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol, and
> has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this winter.
> He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves to do.
> It's just a volunteer position, but I know that it means alot to him.
> Still, right now it's hard on me. But I hate to be selfish! I just don't
> know... I feel a little unbalanced right now - you know, with the hormones
> and sleep issues!
>
>

Couldn't he stop for one winter and take it up next year again?

I used to love to weave. I had to pack my loom together - it took up too
much space when we had a small one.

Only last year did I start weaving again, and my daughter is 13 years old.

You make some sacrifices when you have kids, but life gets richer -
especially when those little *******s start to show a little love and
gratitude :-) Even my 13 yo can occationally say: You're the best mom in
the world. I could live without my loom for 12 years!

Tine, Denmark

[Jess]

"oregonchick" > wrote in message
...
> Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol,
> and has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this
> winter. He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves
> to do. It's just a volunteer position, but I know that it means alot to
> him. Still, right now it's hard on me. But I hate to be selfish! I just
> don't know... I feel a little unbalanced right now - you know, with the
> hormones and sleep issues!

Be selfish. Right now, you need to be. Ya'lls priority should be that
newborn and some sleep-not doing volunteer positions

And don't worry about the hormones-I remember that three week thing. I ended
up on a sobbing jag over not having croutons for a dinner salad one night.
;) It gets better.

Jess

[Jen]

(hugs)

What kept me going was the thought that I knew once DS did go longer
between feeds all the effort of getting through cracked, split nipples,
supply issue in one boob, hand expressing, nipple sheilds..would be
*so* worth it. It was very tempting to give up and turn to forumla but I
wasn't prepared to take the risk that it would upset his stomach, then we
would *never* get any sleep and I would have made life worse for him.
And I can be pretty stubborn :). You are doing the very best there is for
you little one amd soon the rewards will come. IIRC things settled down
around 6 weeks. And he smiled then too:). People told me it wouldn't get
better, just different, but in my experience none of the sleep issues we
are going through now are in any way comparable to the first 6 weeks. In
those first 6 weeks I was counting the days to get through it, but I did
and so will you. The best time of change was when he started to sleep
through his 8pmish feed so he went from 6.30/7-11, giving us the whole
evening to relax. This was about 3 months but I'm pretty sure there are
plenty of babies that do this much earlier.

And it is very scary when you are left alone with the baby, but actually
you will find yourself so occupied you probably won't have time to feel
worried, I didn't (well mostly:)). I would encourage you to talk to your
DH and other family membres about how you are feeling if you don't
already. I didn't do that enough so I think people thought I was doing
better than I was. No-one seemed to talk about how hard it was so I didn't
want people to think I was useless, but actually, after talks with some of
them later, more came out about how hard they found it too!.

As for the housework, once I could leave DS in his bouncy chair for 15-20
mins once a day I got a few things done. I also worked out what I could
get done in the time he was asleep (little horror now only naps for 45mins
max!) And make sure you eat! I was trying to eat healthily but the mw said
I needed calories (DS not up to birthweight/jaundice) so I could eat all
kinds of junk for a while. That made me feel better:).

Hang on in there. I *really* thought it would never get better and I
couldn't see a what to get through it but, but it does and you do!.

Jeni

[Amy]

oregonchick wrote:

> Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm
> getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for
> leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night. I
> was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now. Emily is 3
> wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2
> hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed again. Everyone
> is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be alone with the baby
> for the first time since she was born. I'm a little afraid and feeling
> overwhelmed.

Oh, Betsy, I so could've written this at 3 weeks - in fact, I think I
probably did, but I'm too lazy to google it. This is so, so, so very
normal. Your body is still recovering from the birth, you're in a HUGE
transition period in your life, you're getting no sleep - of course you
feel miserable. I think your husband is an ass for skiing when you're
home with a 3 week old, ski patrol or not. He could drop it and pick
it up next year, as someone else suggested. You are so much more
important than his hobbies/volunteer work and you NEED him right now,
way more than they do. Look at it this way - there are other people
who can do ski patrol, but you've only got one husband.

> I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings, I
> think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take.

Is she noodling? I know that my daughter will nurse when she wakes up
for nutrition, then she'll noodle when she's ready for nap (using me as
a pacifier, not actually eating). Since I don't mind, that's what we
do. It really helped me, mentally, though when I learned the
difference between nursing and noodling. I went from feeling like I
was nursing all the damned time, to feeling like I was nursing half the
damned time, and noodling the other half of the damned time. I know it
doesn't sound like a big difference, but considering the supply issues
we had, it was an important distinction for us.

> The accumulating
> exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope?

You just put one foot in front of the other until she's a little
bigger. Don't go anywhere, don't do anything that isn't critical. The
only things that are critical right now are your nutrition, her
nutrition, and sleep for both of you, so eat and sleep and don't feel
guilty over the floors or the laundry or the bathroom... Let someone
else do that. Hire it done, if you can.

Another way to cope is to have a friend bring over lunch from your
favorite restaurant. Good food and good company go a long way toward
making you feel better. Make sure it's a good friend, so she doesn't
mind that you're still in your PJs. You definitely want to seek the
company of other moms right now, because we understand, and seeing that
we're all still standing will give you hope that you'll survive this,
too. I've found my friendships with my non-mom girlfriends getting
weaker, because they just don't get it. My friendships with other
moms, though, have gotten a lot deeper. And I know that my non-moms
will catch up when they have kids.

> I also have 2
> dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I feel like there
> is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my
> teeth before 11am every day.

A few short months (weeks, even) ago, I felt the same way. If I wasn't
holding the baby, I was holding the cat (or sometimes the baby AND the
cat), or petting the dog, or scratching my husband's back, and I just
wanted to be left ALONE and have no one touching me for 10 seconds...
It gets better. Give the baby to someone else for 15 minutes and go
take a nice, long, hot shower or bath. You deserve it. It'll perk you
up, and give you some "me" time. Even if she cries the whole time, 15
minutes won't hurt her.

> I look in the mirror and feel sad that I look
> so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or stretch marks that bother me,
> it's the dark circles and haggard look in my face....

Oh, God, you should see the video of me from when we brought the baby
home. I was a mess, and DH wasn't much better. We look at it now and
wonder how we survived - it's a miracle that we didn't fall asleep at
the wheel while driving to a doctor's appointment, or burn the house
down because we were too tired to remember to turn off the stove. It
only lasts a few more weeks, and then you'll start to forget.
Seriously. That's how we go on to have more than one kid! :)

> I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to
> start.

Thou shalt not start!!! Leave it alone! It is NOT important. Use
paper plates and plastic cups and silverware, the landfill can take it.
Eat as much takeout as you can afford. Ask friends to bring you food.
Beyond food and sleep and staring at that baby, nothing else matters
right now.

> Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my attention.
> My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...

He's not too tired to ski, now, is he? Call him, tell him to get his
sorry butt home, and put him to work on the laundry. Seriously. He
helped make this family and this home with you, he can help take care
of both (and by family, I mean the baby and YOU, not just the baby).

> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

It really started to get better for us at 8 weeks. At 12 weeks I was
starting to feel sane again. At 16 weeks I hosted Thanksgiving for my
family and it was fine. At 20 weeks I started thinking, "Maybe she
won't be an only child..." Between 16 and 20 weeks I managed to get
all the Christmas prep done, including making metric boatloads of
cookies. That's not too far off, and it goes so fast.

I want you go take a nap. Take the baby to bed with you, let her nurse
or noodle or whatever, and shut your eyes. Don't get up for at least 3
hours. Even if you don't sleep, your body needs the rest. Do not
clean. The queen is not coming for tea, and anyone who loves you
enough to be at your house today is going to be very forgiving about
the state of your cleaning. It's fine. Your sanity is so much more
important.

My baby's awake now. You go rest. It'll be ok soon. It gets easier
every day.

Hugs,
Amy

[Morag in Oxford]

Stuff the housework, who cares if the place is a tip when you've got a
newborn? It's a myth that new mothers have immaculate houses, those that do
have others that do the housework for them. I was so tired feeding my son
at about 4 weeks that we hired a cleaner to come in a couple of hours a week
and do the essentials until I was getting more rest.

It WILL get better. My son woke 3 times a night until 10 weeks, but between
3 and 10 weeks got more efficient at feeding and better at going back to
sleep, so the wakening times dropped from an hour each time to 15 minutes.
Morag

"oregonchick" > wrote in message
...
> Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
> keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
> Things seem to be healing up now.
>
> Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired
> I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband
> for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless
> night. I was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now.
> Emily is 3 wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every
> 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed
> again. Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be
> alone with the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little
> afraid and feeling overwhelmed.
>
> I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings,
> I think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The
> accumulating exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope?
> I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I
> feel like there is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to
> shower or brush my teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and
> feel sad that I look so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or
> stretch marks that bother me, it's the dark circles and haggard look in my
> face....
>
> I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where
> to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my
> attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...
>
> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!
>
> Betsy
>

[Hillary Israeli]

In >,
oregonchick > wrote:

*Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
*keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
*Things seem to be healing up now.

That's great! And you're way ahead of me :) (from my first lactation, I
mean - it took a long time for me to heal up unfortunately)

*Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm
*getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for
*leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night. I
*was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now. Emily is 3
*wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2

Just for what it's worth, the two formula feeding moms I know personally
both behaved that way too :)


--
Hillary Israeli, VMD
Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is
too dark to read." --Groucho Marx

[Sidheag McCormack]

oregonchick writes:

> Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me
> to keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
> Things seem to be healing up now.

Good! That in itself will probably help you feel better able to cope soon.

> Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired
> I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband
> for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless
> night.

Reasonable thing to do, in my book - yelling at him, not going off skiing!
At 3 weeks postpartum, I had my mother staying with me, and I felt as
though I needed the support - and I didn't have dogs to deal with, either.
I know plenty of people have to cope on their own, but that doesn't mean
it's supposed to be easy.

> What is the best way to cope?

You'll have heard "sleep when the baby sleeps". It's not so helpful IME,
but part of it is - don't feel you have to aim to be showered and
toothbrushed by 11am, in the sense of needing to because you ought. I mean,
you probably feel better if you get a shower and a toothbrush or two in
somewhere over the course of the day! But if you spend all day in your
pyjamas (or you change from one pair into another instead of into clothes!)
that is perfectly OK at this stage, and might make it easier to be in the
midset of grabbing sleep when you can, not only during "nighttime".

My son did many months of hourly wakings at night. What made the difference
between coping and not for me was that around 6am, my husband took over for
an hour or two or sometimes blissfully three, to let me get some
uninterrupted sleep on my own. Could yours do that?

> I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding

I don't have any practical ideas about that, not being a dog person. I
suppose they need to be walked, is that the main thiing? Can someone else
do it?

> I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering
> where to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my
> attention.

Well, they probably are a bit, but I'm sure it looks worse than it is, and
you *will* be able to sort it out later!

> My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...

Yeah, but not as tired as you are. It is good to be alert to how he's
feeling, but don't feel you can't ask him to do what you need him to do,
even if that's giving up his own leisure time entirely at the moment. You
said 10 ski days per winter, right? In a month from now, it'll be a lot
easier for you to cope without him - but even so, if this is on top of a
full time job, it's not something I'd be happy with, if I were in your
shoes.

> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

It will start to get better soon. In that, you will start to find ways of
working with it, and will feel better in yourself. I'm not promising that
gaps between feeds of more than 1.5-2 hours will happen soon; they may or
may not, but either way, it will start to feel easier!

Sidheag
DS Colin Oct 27 2003

[[email protected]]

Okay....so, having been there, done that - for me, the solution was to
learn to nurse lying down. It is a skill, but once you figure it out,
you can nurse baby in bed and snooze while you do it.

What happened to me with my first is that I literally almost dropped
him on the floor - he was also a very frequent nurser (every 1 1/2
hours around the clock, and slow at it, so I really only had max 1 hour
between the end of one feed and the start of another). I need a lot of
sleep at the best of times, and one bleary morning at 3 am, I was
sitting in rocking chair with baby, and I fell asleep and my arms
relaxed and I almost dropped him. So, I realized I would have to nurse
lying down.

I got some nursing books, some rolled up towels and positioning
gadgets, separate quilts for me and baby, some receiving blankets,
moved the bed, got a bed rail, and tried various things until we
figured it out, and never looked back. I didn't start out to co-sleep
but it ended up being the only way to get sufficient rest, and I did
the same thing with the next two babies we were blessed with.

I also learned that I should sleep whenever baby slept in those early
weeks. None of this "baby is finally asleep, lets run around like a nut
and do housework". If baby passes out, seize the time to lie down and
rest!! Let go of everything else for the moment and just ride this out.


Look at this as baby boot camp. It does get easier. You do get better
at it. Baby will get more predictable and go a bit longer between feeds
(although my kids remained every 2 hours at best). You do get more used
to interrupted sleep (heck, I've been a mom for 14 years now, and I
could probably count on one hand the nights I've had completely
uninterrupted sleep).

Hang in!!

Mary G.

[Sue]

"oregonchick" > wrote in message
> Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired
I'm
> getting loopy and emotional.

>Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be alone with
>the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little afraid and
feeling
> overwhelmed.

That might be a good thing though Betsy. You could try and learn to nurse
lying down and/or nap when she naps during the day while everyone is gone.
If you have a fenced in yard, let the dogs outside, if not they can nap too.
;o) Maybe go back to bed with her in the morning and sleep and then in the
afternoon, you can get something done if you are feeling more refreshed.
Give yourself some time to adjust. Break things down in small chores and do
the best you can.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

[Jo]

oregonchick wrote:
> Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
> keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
> Things seem to be healing up now.
>
> Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm
> getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for
> leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night. I
> was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now. Emily is 3
> wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2
> hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed again. Everyone
> is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be alone with the baby
> for the first time since she was born. I'm a little afraid and feeling
> overwhelmed.
>
> I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings, I
> think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The accumulating
> exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope? I also have 2
> dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I feel like there
> is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my
> teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and feel sad that I look
> so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or stretch marks that bother me,
> it's the dark circles and haggard look in my face....
>
> I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to
> start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my attention.
> My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...
>
> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!
>
> Betsy
>
>

I was a mess at 2 - 3 weeks too. Just getting over mastitis, as yet
undiagnosed thrush, lack of sleep, guilt over not cooking/cleaning,
feeling like I had to be out and about with the baby (cause I could)...
and worst of all, feeling like a crap wife! I was *consumed* with baby,
breastfeeding, excruciating nipple trauma, and to top it all off, our 4
year old Dalmatian girl, Abby, died unexpectedly when Will was 2 weeks old.

Advice:

DON'T clean, get someone else to cook, and then look after the baby for
you for 15 min while you eat in peace, (try to feed baby while dinner is
cooking - that way you won't feel bad if she cries while you eat, cause
you know she's not hungry), clean your teeth in the shower in the
morning (again, with someone else looking after the baby, after she has
been fed).

Dedicate 2 - 3 hours a day of rest in bed time, perhaps over lunch? As
someone else said, don't feel you have to sleep in this time, just lay
with your baby. (cherish this time, it is hard to just lay with a 7
month old - they are like slippery snakes!)

.... and last of all, be kind to yourself - do not feel guilty over the
things that you usually do not being done.

Jo

[Matt C]

"oregonchick" > wrote in message
...
<snip>
> I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where
> to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my
> attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...
>

As others have said - stuff the housework! You are more important just now.

> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!
>
> Betsy
>

It will get better. It seems like forever at this age, but it does end
soon, and it gets so much better.

Sleep when your baby sleeps is not as easy as it sounds, but it is essential
that you try to. Try and spot your baby's longest sleep in the day, and
make it your mission to sleep (or at least rest) during that time too.

I remember feeling like such a failure when DD1 was this age as other poeple
seemed to manage just fine with their babies, and to have immaculate houses
too. Here I was, feeling like a zombie with laundry every where and the
poor dog not walked at 1pm -what was wrong with me? Things do get better.
The mantra for all things baby/child related: 'This too shall pass'

I hope you get some sleep soon,

Jacqui

[Cheri Stryker]

oregonchick wrote:

> Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol, and
> has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this winter.
> He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves to do.
> It's just a volunteer position, but I know that it means alot to him.
> Still, right now it's hard on me. But I hate to be selfish! I just don't
> know... I feel a little unbalanced right now - you know, with the hormones
> and sleep issues!

Plus - you are NOT being selfish. The fact of life with a new baby is
that anything a parent counts as "things I love to do" will often need
to be discarded for a while, because simply doing the "things that we
need to do" become so much more overwhelmingly difficult.
--
Cheri Stryker

Mom to DS1 - 6 yrs old
preg w/ DS2 - due in Feb

[Purple Gal]

Hi Betsy,

I've never known levels of exhaustion like this before with my 5 1/2 week
old... so I identify. The only thing that saves me is that my hubby is at
home with me all of the time... and I EBM a lot of the time so that I can
nap while DH feeds Ben. Why not BF most of the time, but also keep on
pumping so your DH can feed your baby while you take a looonnnnggg nap? Ben
eats about every 3 hours now. There were 2 times that he went almost 5
hours in the past week or so... which was very exciting! I understand the
advantages of BF, but I don't think I could do it w/out pumping... which is
what I mainly do to supply BM.

What about getting a maid to help with the cleaining? We have one that
comes out every 2 weeks and it helps me from feeling too overwhelmed.

Adela

"oregonchick" > wrote in message
...
> Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
> keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
> Things seem to be healing up now.
>
> Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired
> I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband
> for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless
> night. I was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now.
> Emily is 3 wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every
> 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed
> again. Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be
> alone with the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little
> afraid and feeling overwhelmed.
>
> I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings,
> I think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The
> accumulating exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope?
> I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I
> feel like there is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to
> shower or brush my teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and
> feel sad that I look so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or
> stretch marks that bother me, it's the dark circles and haggard look in my
> face....
>
> I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where
> to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my
> attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...
>
> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!
>
> Betsy
>

[Beth Kevles]

Hi --

Tell your husband that ski patrol is fine (I understand your feelings on
this one) but that he MUST arrange to board the dogs while he's away.
At least for another month or two, at least. (By the time your baby is
3 months old either he'll be sleeping some longer stretches, or you'll
have figured out how to get some sleep while nursing.)

Arrange for you and the baby to sleep in one room and your husband to
sleep in another place. THat way at least one of you will be getting a
good night's sleep! And then let your husband know that he's in charge
of ALL house cleaning, even cleaning up after YOU, until the baby starts
to sleep more.

At roughly 6-8 weeks of age, you realize that your baby is settling into
a nursing "schedule". You'll get some longer breaks as well as some bit
of predictability. (If your baby isn't giving you longer breaks by 8
weeks, it's okay to help the process along. By 16 weeks you should be
able to nurse only once at night. Your baby may want to nurse more
frequently than that, but if he's nursing plenty during the day and
especially during the evening, then you can take your own need for
sleep=sanity into account and figure out other ways to help your baby
sleep through the night. Sort of.)

My only other advice right now: NEVER disturb a baby at night unless
you think the baby REALLY NEEDS you. Snuffling, whuffling and little
quiet moans? Ignore them! Wait for an actual hunger cry to nurse.
(Don't wait for wailing; just an awake noise that means "hunger".
You'll figure out what that particular noise is.) The goal is to allow
your baby to stay asleep when he doesn't actually need to be fed.

I hope this makes sense.
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

[[email protected]]

I'd like to agree with the separate bedroom thing - give yourself
permission to go with that one, at least temporarily.

Over the years, there have been many periods of time when it was a
godsend for at least ONE adult in the house to be able to get some
sleep - you need at least one parent coherent, or in fit shape to go to
work. We have three kids, and between everything that goes with
babyhood, childhood illnesses, nightmares, insomnia and heaven knows
what else, there were many nights where we were very, very glad to have
extra beds. One of us was often to be found wandering at 2 AM with a
pillow under one arm, looking for a quiet place to get some shuteye
while the other held the kid fort, often in the big parental bed where
it was more convenient to look after the kid with the problem. After
all, if baby was having a bad night and wailing endlessly, or the
preschooler had flu and needed a parent standing by on clean up patrol,
or the primary grade kid was convinced there were monsters in the
closet, there was no point in BOTH Mummy and Daddy being up all night.


I mean, before we had kids, who knew??? I can totally understand why
Victorians were so fond of drugging their children to sleep with patent
medicines and alcohol. Sometimes the very best thing for both parent
AND kid would be some solid rest.

M.

[Child]

Forget the housework. Just forget it. Have a dog friend come and take the
puppies out for a playdate (saved my ass during the first week or two of
mommyhood). Tomorrow, hand baby to husband, along with a bottle of
expressed milk and go to bed. Tell him not to bother you for four hours.
Three was generally what i needed at a time to feel human again.


"oregonchick" > wrote in message
...
> Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
> keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
> Things seem to be healing up now.
>
> Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired
> I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband
> for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless
> night. I was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now.
> Emily is 3 wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every
> 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed
> again. Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be
> alone with the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little
> afraid and feeling overwhelmed.
>
> I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings,
> I think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The
> accumulating exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope?
> I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I
> feel like there is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to
> shower or brush my teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and
> feel sad that I look so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or
> stretch marks that bother me, it's the dark circles and haggard look in my
> face....
>
> I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where
> to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my
> attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...
>
> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!
>
> Betsy
>

[Child]

"oregonchick" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Jess" > wrote in message
> news:cFTtf.188$Dh.119@dukeread04...
>>
>> "oregonchick" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for
>>> a miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!
>>
>> Let someone else handle the dogs, and keep yelling at your husband when
>> he does dope things like go off skiing when you haven't had any sleep.
>> Right now, your four goals are to shower, eat, sleep and nurse. Let
>> someone else handle anything outside that.
>>
>> And yes, it'll start getting better soon.
>>
>> Jess
>
> Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol,
> and has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this
> winter. He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves
> to do. It's just a volunteer position, but I know that it means alot to
> him. Still, right now it's hard on me. But I hate to be selfish! I just
> don't know... I feel a little unbalanced right now - you know, with the
> hormones and sleep issues!


thats nice of you, but its more important that he be a good husband and
parent.

[Legbuh]

Here's my "male" advice... :)

Get your husband to help more... even if it's with things other than the
baby. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. call friends, family, etc to
come help if that doesn't work out. Even if it's just to help with
other things mentioned above.

My DW and I just got through what you're through. Once we got past the
issue with changing my DW's diet to change DD's mood, it got a million
times better. Then one night.. bam.. she slept for 12 hours (probaby
around 8-9 weeks...) She has done that every night since then.

Also, think about pumping and letting DH take some feedings, especially
1 night feeding. My DW and I split the night feedings since there were
normally 2-3 every night. But we were also exclusivley on EBM since week 2.

Pumping also gives my DW 30 minutes or so to "get away from it all" and
watch TV.

You may find that EBM is more condusive to you beeing more happy, which
makes everyone happier. Our little DD is a giggle-love box even with
the EBM.... She's definatley not missing out on any bonding, and
actually bonding with both parents which I feel is a plus!

Don't be afraid to try things... or ask for help. Even if they're not
always the most popular. :)

[rfmjbs]

Hi, I just want to let you know you're not alone, and that it will get
better.
I may be posting some things you already know, but I didn't know all
these things in the beginning so I'm posting them here.

After your baby is a little over 11 lbs, you should get a 4hour or 5
hour stretch where the baby doesn't need a meal :) Until the baby is
11 lbs + they 'usually' can't handle a long stretch without food, their
blood sugar drops too low.

Remember also that a 4-5 hour stretch is considered 'sleeping through
the night' for an infant under 9-10 months of age. Don't expect an 8
hour period. It can happen, but you are really lucky if it does.

Babies have teeny tiny tummies. Breast milk is digested QUICKLY, 1-1/2
to 2-1/2 hours between meals is perfectly normal for the first few
months, and that's from the start of each nursing session, and not from
when the baby finishes. Babies may also want a 'snack' a 2 to 5 minute
nursing nibble between meals because they are thirsty, teething, or
have a stuffy nose and can't eat much in one sitting because of
breathing issues.

The best survival method I have for the early months is cosleeping
overnight or getting a bedside cosleeper if you are uncomfortable with
cosleeping or if you have a condition that would make it risky like
smoking or moderate obesity. In the meantime, nursing lying down
during the day and napping while the baby eats has been a lifesaver for
me.

I also vote that you tell the hubby to give up ski patrol for this
winter and/or board the dogs/find a doggie friend while he's gone. My
hubby is going back to Iraq this week for 12 -18 months. Finding ways
to sleep were all important.

My son is 6 months old on the 13th. In the early days he ate 10-12
times a day and flatly refused bottles and cup feeding until recently
so I couldn't give him to anyone else for a break. I cosleep overnight
and I usually nurse lying down in the afternoons. He eats 8 times a
day now with an occasional quick 2 minute nibble because it's so hot
here in Texas, and he gets thirsty. He's now a professional at dream
feeding where he stirs enough to latch on in the middle of the night
and neither one of us needs to fully wake up. He's still a slow nurser
for at least half his feeds, he takes 25 minutes in the afternoon and
evening, but he seems attached from 6:30-8:30am in the mornings.

Every baby is different, but as they get older and have bigger tummies,
you'll eventually get those bigger stretches of sleep. Just realize
they have to get to at least 11 lbs or so and 'all night' is only 4-5
hours until the end of the first year. If you are a lucky mom, and the
baby sleeps longer sooner, consider it a bonus, but make plans in the
meantime based on round the clock feedings until around 4 months of age
in a breastfed baby.

[Chookie]

In article >,
"oregonchick" > wrote:

> I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings, I
> think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The accumulating
> exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope?

Feed her in bed (even if you can't manage side-lying yet) so that both of you
can just go back to sleep. That includes during the day. If the baby isn't
sleeping in your room, move her bed in so you don't have to walk far in the
middle of the night.

If your baby suffers from wind, get a carrier of some kind (I love my
Hug-a-Bub!). She will be more comfortable upright, and your walking will rock
her to sleep just as it did in utero.

> I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding,

If you like it, put the baby in a front carrier and walk your dogs that way
(you'll have your hands free to hang onto the dogs). Some people need to get
out of the house every day, so if it applies to you, that's how you can do it.
If you don't like walking them, or if there is a health reason not to (eg back
problems, Caesarean delivery), then delegate :-)

> and between all the "kids" I feel like there
> is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my
> teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and feel sad that I look
> so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or stretch marks that bother me,
> it's the dark circles and haggard look in my face....

Wow -- you actually take a shower every day?! I didn't always manage it at
that point! This is quite normal. Remember that you've only just given birth
and your hormones are still altering, so your skin might be affected by that
as well as your fatigue. If you have any 'pamper me' items, this is the time
to use them. But I'd suggest you not waste time looking aghast at your
reflection!

> I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to
> start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my attention.
> My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...

For now, focus just on hygiene, food and clothing. Get hubby to clean the
toilet, take out the rubbish, shop, cook and wash up, and do the washing. Oh
-- and bills; you need water and power and shelter! The rest can wait, or you
can ask your visitors to do things like duting and vaccuuming.

Later on, look into Flylady -- I've found her very helpful.

> Please tell me this will start to get better soon.

It will! I have two children and life is pretty good.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.

[Amy]

rfmjbs wrote:

> My hubby is going back to Iraq this week for 12 -18 months.

Oh my God, that must be so hard on your family. I'll keep his safety
in my prayers.

Amy

[oregonchick]

Thanks again everyone for your support and suggestions. My husband took
care of our baby all night last night, while I slept with my 8 yr old. We
went to bed before 9 and I didn't get out of bed until almost 10! It was
heaven - I feel like a new woman. I am feeding exclusively by bottle EBM,
and that works for us. My production is still very high, and have
accumulated over 100 6oz bags of frozen bm. I wonder if now would be a good
time to cut back a little on the pumping? At any rate, it's amazing what a
good night of sleep can do for a person!

Betsy

"oregonchick" > wrote in message
...
> Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
> keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
> Things seem to be healing up now.
>
> Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired
> I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband
> for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless
> night. I was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now.
> Emily is 3 wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every
> 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed
> again. Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be
> alone with the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little
> afraid and feeling overwhelmed.
>
> I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings,
> I think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The
> accumulating exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope?
> I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I
> feel like there is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to
> shower or brush my teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and
> feel sad that I look so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or
> stretch marks that bother me, it's the dark circles and haggard look in my
> face....
>
> I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where
> to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my
> attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...
>
> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!
>
> Betsy
>

[Irrational Number]

oregonchick wrote:
>
> Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm
> getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for
> leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night.

Been there, done that. DH went to a band
rehearsal the first time I was ever alone
with DS#1. I was petrified.

> [...] Emily is 3
> wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2
> hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed again.

Her feeding is normal. My only suggestion
is to stay in bed with her.

> I also have 2
> dogs that are very demanding,

Can you hire a kid to do whatever dog stuff
needs to be done?

> nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my
> teeth before 11am every day.

I remember those days. DH would come home
after a normal workday and I'd still be in
the glider, not having showered, brushed
my hair, nor my teeth. In fact, not having
moved from the glider, except to get more
water and a different magazine.

> I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to
> start.

DS#1 is now 2.5 years old. I had one day of
clean house, but now DS#2 is 7 months old.
Yep, I've given up.

> Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
> miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

It gets better. But, it will never get back
to "normal" again. ;)

-- Anita --

[Irrational Number]

oregonchick wrote:
>
> Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol, and
> has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this winter.
> He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves to do.
> It's just a volunteer position,

Well, gosh, I used to do three shows a
year, music and vocal directing community
theatre. DH and I met doing theatre, but
you know what? We both don't do shows
anymore, not with a 2.5-year-old and a
7-month-old. We will again, just not now.

-- Anita --

[[email protected]]

If it's any consolation you sound just like most people with a three
week old baby to me!! It's exhausting and seems like it will last
forever.

The best way to cope, in my opinion, is to accept that it is really
REALLY hard and make allowances for yourself. Expect the house to be a
bombsite, rest when you can, accept offers of help. You are doing a
great job. You just have to ride it out.

I know it's pretty much impossible to imagine but it won't be long
before all of the crappy bits are in the past and your memory kindly
makes it a lot more rosy.

Oh and if my husband had gone skiing when I had a three week old I
would have reacted the same way. Some things just have to go on the
back burner for a while. I don;t think you'd be at all unreasonable to
suggest he gave up hobbies until six weeks at least.

Good Luck

Judy