need advice

[lynn]

i'm 22 years old and have a 2yr old and a 6 week old baby . i feel over
whelmed i love my kids soo much but i feel like i'm loosing my mind at
the end of the night . the lack of sleep is not the problem, I don't
know what is. their dad comes home around bed time so i feel like he
is never home . when he is home he gets mad easy at our 2yr old so i do
every thing any way . yes he works and I know this is not where we
expected to be at this age but we live the life we agreed . I simplify
our day and if i'm lucky get about 8 min by my self when i get the mail
or enjoy washing my hair . How can i get my boyfriend to help more
w/out making a big deal or causing a fight . not to mention after I ask
him to help i always find my self feeling bad.

[Mum of Two]

"lynn" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> i'm 22 years old and have a 2yr old and a 6 week old baby . i feel over
> whelmed i love my kids soo much but i feel like i'm loosing my mind at
> the end of the night . the lack of sleep is not the problem, I don't
> know what is. their dad comes home around bed time so i feel like he
> is never home . when he is home he gets mad easy at our 2yr old so i do
> every thing any way . yes he works and I know this is not where we
> expected to be at this age but we live the life we agreed . I simplify
> our day and if i'm lucky get about 8 min by my self when i get the mail
> or enjoy washing my hair . How can i get my boyfriend to help more
> w/out making a big deal or causing a fight . not to mention after I ask
> him to help i always find my self feeling bad.

Oh gosh, I don't have the answers but I want to say I feel for you. I have
just the one daughter, 18 months, and was going through the things you
describe. I hope you get things sorted. Can someone take the older child on
an outing or two to give you more time with your baby, as 6 weeks is so
young?


--
Amy
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/
My blog: http://spaces.msn.com/members/querer-hijo-querer-hija/

[oregonchick]

"lynn" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> i'm 22 years old and have a 2yr old and a 6 week old baby . i feel over
> whelmed i love my kids soo much but i feel like i'm loosing my mind at
> the end of the night . the lack of sleep is not the problem, I don't
> know what is. their dad comes home around bed time so i feel like he
> is never home . when he is home he gets mad easy at our 2yr old so i do
> every thing any way . yes he works and I know this is not where we
> expected to be at this age but we live the life we agreed . I simplify
> our day and if i'm lucky get about 8 min by my self when i get the mail
> or enjoy washing my hair . How can i get my boyfriend to help more
> w/out making a big deal or causing a fight . not to mention after I ask
> him to help i always find my self feeling bad.

Even though the bf is working, he should be much more supportive of you and
give you at least a little break every day. You SHOULDN'T feel bad for
asking for help from your supposed partner. To me, this sounds like a
pretty bad situation. He doesn't sound like such a great person, not
someone I'd want to raise a family with anyways. Sorry to sound so
negative, but I've been there, done that. If I were you, I'd bide my time
through the difficulties right now, and get to a point where I could be
independant. At least that's what I did. Once my baby was old enough, I
went back to work, so I wouldn't have to depend on my bf.

Do you have family you can lean on? Friends? Start reaching out for some
support wherever you can get it.
>

[Jess]

"lynn" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> i'm 22 years old and have a 2yr old and a 6 week old baby . i feel over
> whelmed i love my kids soo much but i feel like i'm loosing my mind at
> the end of the night . the lack of sleep is not the problem, I don't
> know what is. their dad comes home around bed time so i feel like he
> is never home . when he is home he gets mad easy at our 2yr old so i do
> every thing any way . yes he works and I know this is not where we
> expected to be at this age but we live the life we agreed . I simplify
> our day and if i'm lucky get about 8 min by my self when i get the mail
> or enjoy washing my hair . How can i get my boyfriend to help more
> w/out making a big deal or causing a fight . not to mention after I ask
> him to help i always find my self feeling bad.

You need to have a talk with him about being home more and helping out a bit
more when he is home. Don't feel bad, parenting is a more than full time job
and you need some help-especially with a six week old.

Jess

[[email protected]]

lynn > writes:
: i'm 22 years old and have a 2yr old and a 6 week old baby . i feel over
: whelmed i love my kids soo much but i feel like i'm loosing my mind at
: the end of the night . the lack of sleep is not the problem, I don't
: know what is. their dad comes home around bed time so i feel like he
: is never home . when he is home he gets mad easy at our 2yr old so i do
: every thing any way . yes he works and I know this is not where we
: expected to be at this age but we live the life we agreed . I simplify
: our day and if i'm lucky get about 8 min by my self when i get the mail
: or enjoy washing my hair . How can i get my boyfriend to help more
: w/out making a big deal or causing a fight . not to mention after I ask
: him to help i always find my self feeling bad.

Lynn, speaking as a dad, the first thing I have to remark on is the
lack of support you are receiving from your boyfriend. Now, I have to
admit that for a guy, being an early 20-something is pretty young to
take the responsibility for raising not one, but two small children.
It may be true that he works all day, but believe me, his work is much
less stressful that what you have to do all day. The first thing you
need to do is to approach him about helping with the children when he
gets home. In order to make this palatable, you need to convicne him
that what you do at home is just as much work, just as demanding, and
just as stressful as what he does at work every day.

If he can not or will not see or agree that what you are doing is that
important, I think you need to talk him into going into counseling with
you. If he does agree, then you two need to work on a plan of what he
can do to help. I would recommend some of the following...

1. He needs to be prepared to take care of the kids for at least an
hour some time after he gets home and before bedtime, while you get
something else done, even if it is just taking a bath and washing your
hair.

2. You need to arrange that he watches the kids one night a week while
you go out to Borders, Barnes & Noble, or even just the library for an
hour or two.

3. He should plan to take the kids and do something with them for at
least half a day on weekends while you get to be by yourself again.

4. The other weekend day should be a "family day" where all four of you
do something together.

In additions to these things where you get support from him, there are
some things you can do to make things a little less overwhelming
yourself. The first thing I would suggest is a mom and babies playgroup.
These are pretty common. If you will post your city, maybe the folks
here on mkb can help you find one.

Anyway, take care and keep in touch.
Larry

[[email protected]]

wrote:
> lynn > writes:
> : i'm 22 years old and have a 2yr old and a 6 week old baby . i feel over
> : whelmed i love my kids soo much but i feel like i'm loosing my mind at
> : the end of the night . the lack of sleep is not the problem, I don't
> : know what is. their dad comes home around bed time so i feel like he
> : is never home . when he is home he gets mad easy at our 2yr old so i do
> : every thing any way . yes he works and I know this is not where we
> : expected to be at this age but we live the life we agreed . I simplify
> : our day and if i'm lucky get about 8 min by my self when i get the mail
> : or enjoy washing my hair . How can i get my boyfriend to help more
> : w/out making a big deal or causing a fight . not to mention after I ask
> : him to help i always find my self feeling bad.
>
> Lynn, speaking as a dad, the first thing I have to remark on is the
> lack of support you are receiving from your boyfriend. Now, I have to
> admit that for a guy, being an early 20-something is pretty young to
> take the responsibility for raising not one, but two small children.
> It may be true that he works all day, but believe me, his work is much
> less stressful that what you have to do all day. The first thing you
> need to do is to approach him about helping with the children when he
> gets home. In order to make this palatable, you need to convicne him
> that what you do at home is just as much work, just as demanding, and
> just as stressful as what he does at work every day.
>
> If he can not or will not see or agree that what you are doing is that
> important, I think you need to talk him into going into counseling with
> you. If he does agree, then you two need to work on a plan of what he
> can do to help. I would recommend some of the following...
>
> 1. He needs to be prepared to take care of the kids for at least an
> hour some time after he gets home and before bedtime, while you get
> something else done, even if it is just taking a bath and washing your
> hair.
>
> 2. You need to arrange that he watches the kids one night a week while
> you go out to Borders, Barnes & Noble, or even just the library for an
> hour or two.
>
> 3. He should plan to take the kids and do something with them for at
> least half a day on weekends while you get to be by yourself again.
>
> 4. The other weekend day should be a "family day" where all four of you
> do something together.
>
> In additions to these things where you get support from him, there are
> some things you can do to make things a little less overwhelming
> yourself. The first thing I would suggest is a mom and babies playgroup.
> These are pretty common. If you will post your city, maybe the folks
> here on mkb can help you find one.
>
> Anyway, take care and keep in touch.
> Larry

Rock solid advice, Larry. Lynn do you have any family that can help you
guys out for a bit? The extra support would probably make you both feel
a bit better.

Good luck Lynn
Elle