Overnighters and Emotional Problems

[Mary]

Do you think a parent of a child, with a KNOWN mental disturbance,
should tell the parents of that child's friends when there is going to
be a sleep over?

I had a child over for a sleep over this week who has diagnosed
bipolar disorder. She was in a definite manic stage. I found out the
next day when I returned her to her mother.

I have a daughter with the opposite problems. She has anxiety,
depression, and tends to withdraw in situations she is uncomfortable
in. I always give other parents a heads up to her behavior, but not
specifics on the diagnosis or medications.

The one thing I am not comfortable with sharing is the fact that my
daughter takes medications. When my daughter recently went on an
overnighter, we did not send her medications, (for ADD and depression).


I guess I worry about 1) being judged, 2) overwhelming the other
parent with meds, (there are three pills) and finally 3) having the
younger friend find out and share the fact that my daughter takes
pills, at school.

We are open about her pill use if the topic comes up. She tells people
she takes a happy pill, and a focus pill, LOL.

And get this, the bipolar friend of my daughter got on Yahoo mail,
and opened a email that was sent to her, and there was some body part
picture in it. I did not see the picture, but my daughter relayed this
to me after the fact. Yes, I had parental controls on, but I do not
think it catches everything. My understanding was that they were at the
Barbie website. I have yet to tell the other parent about that
situation.

I am not thrilled with this overnighter stuff.

Mary

[Robin]

Mary wrote:
>
> I have a daughter with the opposite problems. She has anxiety,
> depression, and tends to withdraw in situations she is uncomfortable
> in. I always give other parents a heads up to her behavior, but not
> specifics on the diagnosis or medications.
>
> The one thing I am not comfortable with sharing is the fact that my
> daughter takes medications. When my daughter recently went on an
> overnighter, we did not send her medications, (for ADD and depression).

I have two kids who take medication for various reasons. In our case, I
figure the need to maintain the medication trumps any concern over what
people might think. And I figure problems are less likely to arise
during the visit if the child is taking the medications as usual --
changing the routine is much more likely to bring unexpected effects.

I send the pills in small ziploc bags with a note on each -- "bedtime"
or "breakfast" or whatever. My older son can take them on his own; for
the younger son, I ask the host parent to remind him. If I can give
anything a little early (e.g. before dropoff) I do, though that's not
possible when it's a full-day outing followed by an overnight.

In my experience, it seems more kids we're in contact with are taking
medications than not, and I think most of the kids who have slept over
here have had pills of some sort, or asthma inhalers.

I also figure that it's no one's business what the medication is for.
If anyone asks, my kids are instructed to say "for my allergies," which
is partly true.

I've also found that if I treat the meds like they're no big deal,
other parents whose kids have similar problems are more at ease sending
medications with their kids who stay with us. It's also nice when
another mom realizes her kid isn't the only one taking pills, and that
she can talk with me freely about it I have the same situation and will
understand.

--Robin

[Tracey]

"Mary" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> The one thing I am not comfortable with sharing is the fact that my
> daughter takes medications. When my daughter recently went on an
> overnighter, we did not send her medications, (for ADD and depression).


My daughter is also medicated for depression and sleep issues. I would
NEVER send her on a sleepover without her medications....it seems to me that
doing so would be more likely to cause problems than sending her with the
medication and asking the other parent to administer it. If she were
asthmatic would you not send her with an inhaler? Whats the difference? Its
only going to be stigmatizing if you act that way.

[Hillary Israeli]

In . com>,
Mary > wrote:

* Do you think a parent of a child, with a KNOWN mental disturbance,
*should tell the parents of that child's friends when there is going to
*be a sleep over?

I guess it depends on the relevance. Would I say my child had a history of
depression which was well controlled at this time? Probably not. Would I
say that my child has a phobia of spiders so strong that the mere
suggestion of the possible presence of a spider or picture of a spider in
a book can cause a freak-out of massive proportion and possibly require
treatment with anti-anxiety medication? yes.

* The one thing I am not comfortable with sharing is the fact that my
*daughter takes medications. When my daughter recently went on an
*overnighter, we did not send her medications, (for ADD and depression).

That's touchy. I do not think I would send my child to a home without his
or her medication, if the medication were necessary (and if the medication
were not necessary, I wouldn't be giving it in the first place). Also, if
I did not trust the parents to be understanding, I do not think I would
trust them to take care of my kid. That said, my chldren are not on any
psychiatric medication and have only had sleepovers with their
grandparents so far. So maybe you shouldn't listen to me.

h.

--
Hillary Israeli, VMD
Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is
too dark to read." --Groucho Marx

[Mary]

She had the medication before she left to the sleepover, and would be
given the depression medicine the next day, and probably half of her
ADD medication when she got home (since it would be later than
breakfast time when she took the meds) when she got home. Asthma is an
acute disease, with depression being chronic. Missing a day of her
pills is not going to set her back.

I guess the moral of the story was I was worried about it being
stigmatizing, and it wasn't because the hostess was also on meds.




Tracey wrote:
> "Mary" > wrote in message
> oups.com...
> > The one thing I am not comfortable with sharing is the fact that my
> > daughter takes medications. When my daughter recently went on an
> > overnighter, we did not send her medications, (for ADD and depression).
>
>
> My daughter is also medicated for depression and sleep issues. I would
> NEVER send her on a sleepover without her medications....it seems to me that
> doing so would be more likely to cause problems than sending her with the
> medication and asking the other parent to administer it. If she were
> asthmatic would you not send her with an inhaler? Whats the difference? Its
> only going to be stigmatizing if you act that way.

[Mary]

Get this....the parent took my daughter swimming with no sunscreen
and yes she got very burnt. AND the parent has no seat belts in the
car! She took the seat out to move something, and when she put the seat
back she could not get the seat belts back correctly.

While the young girl was here, I let them get on Barbie.com, and left
the room. BIG MISTAKE. The girl has a YAHOO account, downloaded her
email, and there was apparently a picture of a male behind sent to her!
I got this out of MY daughter after the fact.

Mary


>
> That's touchy. I do not think I would send my child to a home without his
> or her medication, if the medication were necessary (and if the medication
> were not necessary, I wouldn't be giving it in the first place). Also, if
> I did not trust the parents to be understanding, I do not think I would
> trust them to take care of my kid. That said, my chldren are not on any
> psychiatric medication and have only had sleepovers with their
> grandparents so far. So maybe you shouldn't listen to me.
>
> h.
>
> --
> Hillary Israeli, VMD
> Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth
> "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is
> too dark to read." --Groucho Marx