unplanned

[pillworm]

Hi out there. I'm 30 and have been with my partner for 8 years now. I
just found out that I am pregnant and it is definitely unplanned. This
is the second time that this has happened to us. The first time I did
have an abortion as I was not ready. Now, I'm feeling more
ready....but he's not. He's freaked out and upset. He wants to
support me, but it also very shut off right now. I'm just looking for
stories from others that maybe had a similiar situation and how it
turned out.

[Clair Pepper]

<snip>

Hi Pillworm
I have had 3 children, 2 were unplanned, the other was planned and I am
currently trying to conceive my 4th!!
I fell pregnant with my first child at 17, I was devastated. I had just
separated from his father, I was living in a shared house with a friend and
I had no money, I did not want to become a mother but I didn't want to have
a termination either. After weeks of agonsising over the decision I went on
to have my Son and to be honest it was the best thing that ever happened to
me. I got pregnant very soon after having my son, he was only 4 months
old. Again this was unplanned. My daughter was born 5 weeks early and
there is only 13 months between my older 2. My 3rd child, was a planned
pregnancy.
I love all my children more than life itself and although they drive me
insane sometimes I never ever regret having them.
I am not slating anyone by saying this, it is just my opinion, but in
reality there may never be a "right" time to have a child. There will
always something that might make you want to put off having a child.
I think you need to sit down with your partner and have a really long heart
to heart and both discuss how you feel. Remember though, this is your baby
too and your body, dont rush into anything that you aren't comfortable with
or that you might regret later in life.
I hope this helps and if you need anyone to talk to just give me a shout, if
you want to that is!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Clair X

[xkatx]

"pillworm" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> Hi out there. I'm 30 and have been with my partner for 8 years now. I
> just found out that I am pregnant and it is definitely unplanned. This
> is the second time that this has happened to us. The first time I did
> have an abortion as I was not ready. Now, I'm feeling more
> ready....but he's not. He's freaked out and upset. He wants to
> support me, but it also very shut off right now. I'm just looking for
> stories from others that maybe had a similiar situation and how it
> turned out.

I was 15 when I found out I was pg with DS1. 16 when he was born. That was
a surprise. I wasn't 'ready' but I couldn't see termination as a
possibility for *me*. Found out I was pg again with DS2 when I was 16.
Same situation as first. 1 year, 1 month and 2 days age difference between
my boys. Both were unplanned and surprises, yet both are my life. Then we
had decided, when DS2 was 4, to try for another one. Now, we have the 2
boys (5 and 6 now) and one girl, 10 months old, and are expecting one more
(planned) around Halloween. Planned or not planned, all my kids are my
world.
For us, actually, the surprises seemed to be easier to handle, even at
15/16/17 than the planned ones now when we were 22/23.
With DD and now this one, I feel about as ready as I would be to jump off a
bridge to certain death ;) I really don't think there's any *good* time for
kids as there always seems to be something that could stand in the way.
It's something that's definitely worth talking about and discussing
seriously. In the end, it's definitely always best to do what you feel is
best.

[Leslie]

pillworm wrote:
> Hi out there. I'm 30 and have been with my partner for 8 years now. I
> just found out that I am pregnant and it is definitely unplanned. This
> is the second time that this has happened to us. The first time I did
> have an abortion as I was not ready. Now, I'm feeling more
> ready....but he's not. He's freaked out and upset. He wants to
> support me, but it also very shut off right now. I'm just looking for
> stories from others that maybe had a similiar situation and how it
> turned out.

There's never a perfect time. I am very fertile and some of my
pregnancies occurred at very inconvenient times. #3 was conceived when
#2 was only 3 months old, my husband had just graduated from law school
and had no job, we were living on loans in a crappy apartment . . . #3
is now an 11-year-old very bright boy who just finished tucking #4 in
bed for me. If you have your baby, you won't regret it. If you don't,
who knows?

Leslie

[LaTreen Washington]

Scott Peterson

"pillworm" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> Hi out there. I'm 30 and have been with my partner for 8 years now. I
> just found out that I am pregnant and it is definitely unplanned. This
> is the second time that this has happened to us. The first time I did
> have an abortion as I was not ready. Now, I'm feeling more
> ready....but he's not. He's freaked out and upset. He wants to
> support me, but it also very shut off right now. I'm just looking for
> stories from others that maybe had a similiar situation and how it
> turned out.
>



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[Anna.Nicole.m]

Hi Pillworm

Kind of funny I was in the exact oppisite position. My husband and I
married in September of last year. We had planned to adopt children.
We NEVER NEVER Let me emphasize NEVER planned on having children of our
own. Well Low in behold after missing my second period and no longer
able to chalk it up to medication that I was on, I took a pregnancy
test. I found out I was pregnant. I sat in the bathtub and just
started crying so hard that it shook my entire body. my husband came
running in to find out what in the world was the matter. I couldn't
even speak all I could do was point to the window ledge where the
positive test lie. And he picked me up out of the tub and said honey
don't cry this is a miracle this is awesome. We should celebrate. All
I was thinking was I'm only mid-entry in a very competitive field I'm
only 26. then I thought my husband and I haven't travelled to all the
places we wanted to see before we had kids. And we didn't do this and
we now can't do that. needless to say I didn't talk for a few days.
I couldn't find words. At 26 my husband and I can more then afford
this baby financially and responsibly so I couldn't justify abortion at
all.

After about 2 weeks I started to get somewhat happy that this was
supposed to happen. I attribute the majority of that to my husband's
attitude. he wanted to run out and tell everyone right away.

I am now just shy of 5 mos pregnant and some days I'm so excited about
the baby and what lies ahead and there are still those few days that I
mourn very hard for my selfishness that I had to give up. I attribute
this to be the reason God gives us 9 mos to prepare our hearts and
minds and homes.

Please email me if you want to talk. no Judgement ever. good luck

[Ericka Kammerer]

Anna.Nicole.m wrote:
> Hi Pillworm
>
> Kind of funny I was in the exact oppisite position. My husband and I
> married in September of last year. We had planned to adopt children.
> We NEVER NEVER Let me emphasize NEVER planned on having children of our
> own. Well Low in behold after missing my second period and no longer
> able to chalk it up to medication that I was on, I took a pregnancy
> test. I found out I was pregnant. I sat in the bathtub and just
> started crying so hard that it shook my entire body. my husband came
> running in to find out what in the world was the matter. I couldn't
> even speak all I could do was point to the window ledge where the
> positive test lie. And he picked me up out of the tub and said honey
> don't cry this is a miracle this is awesome. We should celebrate. All
> I was thinking was I'm only mid-entry in a very competitive field I'm
> only 26. then I thought my husband and I haven't travelled to all the
> places we wanted to see before we had kids. And we didn't do this and
> we now can't do that.

Why did you (do you?) think that there are now so
many things you can't do or places you can't travel?
Parenting is not a prison sentence! Some people have some
very odd (to my way of thinking) ideas about what you can
and cannot do with kids. While you do have to be a
responsible parent, there are *very* few things you can't
do as a parent if you really want to do them. It might
require a bit more planning, and perhaps some compromises
here or there, but by and large you can still do the things
you want to do.

Best wishes,
Ericka

[xkatx]

"Ericka Kammerer" > wrote in message
. ..
> Anna.Nicole.m wrote:
>> Hi Pillworm
>>
>> Kind of funny I was in the exact oppisite position. My husband and I
>> married in September of last year. We had planned to adopt children.
>> We NEVER NEVER Let me emphasize NEVER planned on having children of our
>> own. Well Low in behold after missing my second period and no longer
>> able to chalk it up to medication that I was on, I took a pregnancy
>> test. I found out I was pregnant. I sat in the bathtub and just
>> started crying so hard that it shook my entire body. my husband came
>> running in to find out what in the world was the matter. I couldn't
>> even speak all I could do was point to the window ledge where the
>> positive test lie. And he picked me up out of the tub and said honey
>> don't cry this is a miracle this is awesome. We should celebrate. All
>> I was thinking was I'm only mid-entry in a very competitive field I'm
>> only 26. then I thought my husband and I haven't travelled to all the
>> places we wanted to see before we had kids. And we didn't do this and
>> we now can't do that.
>
> Why did you (do you?) think that there are now so
> many things you can't do or places you can't travel?
> Parenting is not a prison sentence! Some people have some
> very odd (to my way of thinking) ideas about what you can
> and cannot do with kids. While you do have to be a
> responsible parent, there are *very* few things you can't
> do as a parent if you really want to do them. It might
> require a bit more planning, and perhaps some compromises
> here or there, but by and large you can still do the things
> you want to do.
>
> Best wishes,
> Ericka

The one thing I had always wanted to do was go to Vegas for my 21st
birthday. When I also realized I would have a 3/4 year old on my 21st
birthday, I quickly saw how impossible it would be to go the one and only
place I had always desired and longed to go to... Little kids, very little
money... It was around my youngest brother's birthday, in March, just before
my 21st, and the subject came up and, half joking, I said for my next
birthday, I wanted to go to Vegas. My mom said sure, to my shock and
surprise, and told me to start saving my money, my birthday present was
going to be a trip with her to Las Vegas. Just over 2 months later, I was
dropping my kids off at my aunt's for a week and heading off on a plane with
my mom to Las Vegas - one place my mom would never take a child, and I agree
with her, but although it's kind of different, it *is* possible to still do
the things you want to do, either with the kid(s) or without.
Then again, for me, I had never ever wanted to travel all over the world, or
anything like that. DH and I still do the things we want to do and like to
do, sometimes with kids and sometimes without them actually with us, but
yea, it does take a little more planning at times, but it is possible.
Children really aren't the end of the free world!

[DebsMorrin]

pillworm wrote:

> Hi out there. I'm 30 and have been with my partner for 8 years now. I
> just found out that I am pregnant and it is definitely unplanned. This
> is the second time that this has happened to us. The first time I did
> have an abortion as I was not ready. Now, I'm feeling more
> ready....but he's not. He's freaked out and upset. He wants to
> support me, but it also very shut off right now. I'm just looking for
> stories from others that maybe had a similiar situation and how it
> turned out.

Hi,

I first fell pregnant when i was 16, living at home and my family
didn't know i was even sexually active! my partner wanted me to have an
abortion but it is against my personal beliefs. unfortunately i
miscarried a little boy.
I found out i was pregnant again when i was 18, to the same man. I was
in the worlds worst situation. We were both living in a crowded
bungalow with his two friends and their daughter (One of his friends
also pregnant). i had just been made redundant from my high-paying job
and my partner had just lost his. we had no money, were about to be
made homeless and the government didnt give us any help oir advice. i
sunk into deep doubt and depression. i was terrified.
I gave birth to a beautiful daughter on Janurary 22nd. we have our own
place now (granted, very far away from friends and family) and my
partner now works. things may have seemed like an endless road of bad
luck but we stuck together and made it through.
i must say my daughter completed a void i didn't even know i had in my
life until i first held her in my arms.

everything will work out for you
good luck
Debbie
x

[Anna.Nicole.m]

Ok I didn't post in here to get tips about what I can and can't do with
children. I was sharing with Pillworm all the thoughts and fears,
rational to others or not, that were running through my head when I
first found out I was pregnant.

Good to know that you are all of sound mind enough to think 100%
logically when you are faced with a life altering change of this
magnitude.

Yes you can travel with children, and my husband and I plan to. But
you can't take infants with you into the bush of Africa on mission
trips, or on hiking expeditions through Australia and South America.

So yes that stuff will be put on hold until our children are
significantly older.

Now back on Topic; Pillworm, I have been looking for a good book that
deals with this issue. Kind of like a how do I make my decision,
unfortunately I have come up empty. Maybe you, your partner, and I
should get together and write that book.

[[email protected]]

Anna.Nicole.m > writes:

: Yes you can travel with children, and my husband and I plan to. But
: you can't take infants with you into the bush of Africa on mission
: trips, or on hiking expeditions through Australia and South America.

No, but you can take a 9 mos old on your back on a week long 25 mile
backpacking trip in the the rain through the Adidondacks.
If you are crazy enough to enjoy that kind of stuff...

:-)
Larry

[Jamie Clark]

Anna.Nicole.m wrote:
> Ok I didn't post in here to get tips about what I can and can't do
> with children. I was sharing with Pillworm all the thoughts and
> fears, rational to others or not, that were running through my head
> when I first found out I was pregnant.

Yes, but this is Usenet. People will go off on tangents about anything they
think is relevent. If YOU don't feel it's relevent, ignore or delete it.
But I guarantee you that someone out there is reading this thread
thinking -- hey, maybe my life isn't over! When people post on Usenet, they
are talking to you, in particular, and also to the general YOU, as in
everyone else out there reading as well. So no need to get snippy.

> Good to know that you are all of sound mind enough to think 100%
> logically when you are faced with a life altering change of this
> magnitude.

That's the beauty of these types of groups -- people in all sorts of
different physical and emotional states, and different family groups and
ages. Learn from those who have gone before. What is life altering to you
may not be to someone else. Doesn't make it right or wrong, just different
and interesting.

> Yes you can travel with children, and my husband and I plan to. But
> you can't take infants with you into the bush of Africa on mission
> trips, or on hiking expeditions through Australia and South America.

I know people who take their kids to Europe, hiking in the mountains, etc.
A baby in a backpack can go anywhere you can go. As others have said, your
original plans may change and end up different, but you don't have to stay
at home all together.

> So yes that stuff will be put on hold until our children are
> significantly older.

Not necessary.

The friends I mentioned above took their 3-month old baby and 4-year old to
Joshua Tree national park for a day of hiking. Then they went to Hawaii
when the baby was 6 months old. They took the kids to Italy when the baby
was 10 months old. A month later they were in Canada frolicking on a
glacier in the Canadian Rockies. For the holidays they went to visit family
in NY, and spent New Years in Florida. The point is, this is an incredibly
travel-happy family, and once kids came along, well, the kids just came
along. This is their lifestyle, and they've continued it with their kids.
We don't travel ANYWHERE near that much, before kids or after, but both of
my girls have frequent flyer accounts with good sized balances already!

> Now back on Topic; Pillworm, I have been looking for a good book that
> deals with this issue. Kind of like a how do I make my decision,
> unfortunately I have come up empty. Maybe you, your partner, and I
> should get together and write that book.

My guess is that there is no book like you are looking for. I think so many
situations are so specific, that it would be hard to write a book that would
be useful.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password

[Anna.Nicole.m]

cjra wrote:
> So I feel a need to respond when blanket statements like "you can't
> take kids to X place" are made, because often, it's not that cut and
> dried. You may choose not to, it may not be as easy to do so, but it
> all depends upon the circumstances in question.

I didn't make a Blanket statement; I said "I haven't traveled to all
the
places we wanted to see before we had kids."

My statement was there were trips that I wanted to make with Just my
husband and myself without kids, prior to having kids. I never made a
blanket statement that you cannot travel with kids. I don't feel that
way. My husband and I are taking our baby to Europe with us next year,
and to Las Vegas and to Florida.

My point in the post was not that my life was over or that everything
had to stop. My point was it took me months to get to the point where
I could put my immediate thoughts and fears aside and celebrate the joy
that our new baby will bring to our lives, like my husband had already
begun doing. Again I think there is a reason God gives us 9 mos of
being pregnant, and that is to come to terms with having a baby, making
changes, calming fears, getting help from others who went through the
same fears that you are experiencing.

[Buzzy]

pillworm wrote:
> Hi out there. I'm 30 and have been with my partner for 8 years now. I
> just found out that I am pregnant and it is definitely unplanned. This
> is the second time that this has happened to us. The first time I did
> have an abortion as I was not ready. Now, I'm feeling more
> ready....but he's not. He's freaked out and upset. He wants to
> support me, but it also very shut off right now. I'm just looking for
> stories from others that maybe had a similiar situation and how it
> turned out.

Hi,

I have a similar situation here. I have been with my husband for 10
years now, married 2 of those. He had decided long ago he wasn't sure
he wanted any kids, and at 33 I was pretty set on that as well. I was
on the pill and didn't realize just how much my antibiotics would
effect the pill and low and behold I am pregnant.

I was FREAKED out about how he would react and scared to death to tell
him. I knew I would be ok with it, but he is a man who doesn't like
change in any form, let alone that kind big of change. It took him a
few months to warm to the idea, but now at 7 1/2 months he is the most
proud papa-to-be I have ever seen. He made a website for our son, talks
about it at work constantly from what I am told, and overall is the
happiest I have ever seen him in 10 years. I never expected him to be
this excited about it!

Many men tend to be scared about the changes and new responsibilities,
but have seen that most of them do come around. If mine did, I have
faith yours will too, so please just be patient and let him come to
terms with these changes in his own time. WIth support and patience
from you, he just might surpise you.

[Anna.Nicole.m]

Buzzy wrote:
> pillworm wrote:
> > Hi out there. I'm 30 and have been with my partner for 8 years now. I
> > just found out that I am pregnant and it is definitely unplanned. This
> > is the second time that this has happened to us. The first time I did
> > have an abortion as I was not ready. Now, I'm feeling more
> > ready....but he's not. He's freaked out and upset. He wants to
> > support me, but it also very shut off right now. I'm just looking for
> > stories from others that maybe had a similiar situation and how it
> > turned out.
>
> Hi,
>
> I have a similar situation here. I have been with my husband for 10
> years now, married 2 of those. He had decided long ago he wasn't sure
> he wanted any kids, and at 33 I was pretty set on that as well. I was
> on the pill and didn't realize just how much my antibiotics would
> effect the pill and low and behold I am pregnant.
>
> I was FREAKED out about how he would react and scared to death to tell
> him. I knew I would be ok with it, but he is a man who doesn't like
> change in any form, let alone that kind big of change. It took him a
> few months to warm to the idea, but now at 7 1/2 months he is the most
> proud papa-to-be I have ever seen. He made a website for our son, talks
> about it at work constantly from what I am told, and overall is the
> happiest I have ever seen him in 10 years. I never expected him to be
> this excited about it!
>
> Many men tend to be scared about the changes and new responsibilities,
> but have seen that most of them do come around. If mine did, I have
> faith yours will too, so please just be patient and let him come to
> terms with these changes in his own time. WIth support and patience
> from you, he just might surpise you.

great story I'm so glad all worked out for you. It's amazing how fast
your entire world changes, but for the better. Thank you so much for
sharing.