Helping Daddies

[.oO rach Oo.]

I will preface this by saying my husband is the best when it comes to
helping. He is right there to diaper or feed or play with Holly whenever he
can.

My little issue is with when she cries. She usually just fusses and cries
hard core only once in a while. When she does, I feel like I am going to be
sick and cannot stand anyone else to console her but me. It happened again
tonight... she was tired but did not want to go to bed (she is a little shy
of six months) and is teething... she fussed then started to cry her heart
out. I made it through about two minutes of him trying to console her then
had to ask him to give her to me as I couldn't take it anymore... it was
breaking my heart.

Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that maybe I
should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go out and he puts
her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.

help!

--
..oO rach Oo.

[Marie]

On Sun, 11 Jun 2006 20:40:52 -0400, ".oO rach Oo."
> wrote:

>My little issue is with when she cries. She usually just fusses and cries
>hard core only once in a while. When she does, I feel like I am going to be
>sick and cannot stand anyone else to console her but me. It happened again
>tonight... she was tired but did not want to go to bed (she is a little shy
>of six months) and is teething... she fussed then started to cry her heart
>out. I made it through about two minutes of him trying to console her then
>had to ask him to give her to me as I couldn't take it anymore... it was
>breaking my heart.
>Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that maybe I
>should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go out and he puts
>her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.

You're her mother...it's your instinct to take care of your child!
It's very normal and I would wonder about someone who wasn't affected
by their baby crying.
The only way I can think of to overcome it is to leave where you can't
hear her crying at all. I didn't go out when my babies still needed me
to get to sleep so that wasn't a problem.
I do think it's important for the father to know how to take care of
the babies/children, though (I go on mom's nights out every few
weeks). Six months is still pretty young, and alot of babies are
dependent on mom for comfort (that's why we have the breasts).
Marie

[Jamie Clark]

..oO rach Oo. wrote:
> I will preface this by saying my husband is the best when it comes to
> helping. He is right there to diaper or feed or play with Holly
> whenever he can.
>
> My little issue is with when she cries. She usually just fusses and
> cries hard core only once in a while. When she does, I feel like I am
> going to be sick and cannot stand anyone else to console her but me.
> It happened again tonight... she was tired but did not want to go to
> bed (she is a little shy of six months) and is teething... she fussed
> then started to cry her heart out. I made it through about two
> minutes of him trying to console her then had to ask him to give her
> to me as I couldn't take it anymore... it was breaking my heart.
>
> Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that
> maybe I should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go
> out and he puts her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.
>
> help!

I think you need to learn to let him handle it. Give him the time and
space. Walk out of the room, go for a drive in the car, take a shower, turn
up the tv, etc. Let him learn how to console her, and in fact, let her
learn that BOTH mommy and daddy are comforting and loving. It will do your
entire family a whole lot of good.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password

[Irrational Number]

Jamie Clark wrote:
>
> I think you need to learn to let him handle it. Give him the time and
> space. Walk out of the room, go for a drive in the car, take a shower, turn
> up the tv, etc. Let him learn how to console her, and in fact, let her
> learn that BOTH mommy and daddy are comforting and loving. It will do your
> entire family a whole lot of good.

Yeah, what Jamie said. Definitely leave the
room. Don't you have any romance novels to
read? ;)

-- Anita --

[Anne Rogers]

I haven't overcome it and mine was 1 a couple of days ago!

I find with my husband that his idea of offering comfort is rather different
to mine, he doesn't seem to be able to work out what her need is, then just
comforts her rather than solving the problem, so he just cuddles her and
strokes her and talks to her, which is great, but only after you've given
her a drink because it's boiling hot and she's thirsty.

I don't remember it quite so much with my 1st, but I suspect that the babies
change before the mummies! I still hate to hear my 1st (now 3) cry when he
is with daddy, I don't like to have a think about rushing in, or him rushing
to me when in need of comfort, but I still find it heart renching if he is
crying.

Anne

[Suzanne S]

I know that my DD2 (just about 1yr) will cry for me when I am in the room
e.g. if she falls and hurts herself, and Daddy consoles her that's just not
good enough - she wants Mummy. If I am not in the room, then she is
perfectly happy to be consoled by Daddy. She definately acts differently
when I am about, so my suggestion would be to leave the room too, and Daddy
may have more success in consoling her.

Babies do prefer their Mummies though, through no fault of the Daddies. So
I would also say that unless you really want Daddy to be able to console
her, let your instincts win!

Suzanne

".oO rach Oo." > wrote in message
...
>I will preface this by saying my husband is the best when it comes to
>helping. He is right there to diaper or feed or play with Holly whenever he
>can.
>
> My little issue is with when she cries. She usually just fusses and cries
> hard core only once in a while. When she does, I feel like I am going to
> be sick and cannot stand anyone else to console her but me. It happened
> again tonight... she was tired but did not want to go to bed (she is a
> little shy of six months) and is teething... she fussed then started to
> cry her heart out. I made it through about two minutes of him trying to
> console her then had to ask him to give her to me as I couldn't take it
> anymore... it was breaking my heart.
>
> Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that maybe I
> should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go out and he
> puts her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.
>
> help!
>
> --
> .oO rach Oo.
>
>
>

[PK]

> Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that maybe I
> should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go out and he puts
> her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.
>
> help!
>
> --
> .oO rach Oo.


I'll start out by saying I'm *exactly* like you, I hate having someone
else (which is usually her Dad, but on occassion her day care provider,
or her grandmother) comfort E if she's crying, but I will tell you what
worked for me:

1. I changed my thinking. I told myself that her Dad is a different
person, and has his own ways of soothing her. His way may not be the
same as my way (actually it better not be, because I nurse her for
comfort :-) ) but it doesn't mean it's wrong. With my DH, I began to
show a lot more confidence in him, and as a result, he was very open to
suggestions from me when he couldn't manage to make her stop crying.
YMMV with your DH though.

2. I also left the room. Because if E saw I was there, she wanted me.
If she realized I was not there, she would be more willing to accept a
subsitute for Mommy.

3. I told myself if she was fed, dry, warm and safe, it was OK for her
to cry. Not indefinitely of course, DH and I had a 7 minute rule. If
she did not calm down in 7 minutes, I would go back in and offer help.

I hope this helps. At 6.5 mo old now, E enjoys her Dad's company as
much ( well, maybe a tad less !) as mine, and I'm glad leaving her with
him gave him a chance to bond with her.

PK

[.oO rach Oo.]

"Marie" > wrote in message
...
> On Sun, 11 Jun 2006 20:40:52 -0400, ".oO rach Oo."
> > wrote:
>
>>My little issue is with when she cries. She usually just fusses and cries
>>hard core only once in a while. When she does, I feel like I am going to
>>be
>>sick and cannot stand anyone else to console her but me. It happened again
>>tonight... she was tired but did not want to go to bed (she is a little
>>shy
>>of six months) and is teething... she fussed then started to cry her heart
>>out. I made it through about two minutes of him trying to console her then
>>had to ask him to give her to me as I couldn't take it anymore... it was
>>breaking my heart.
>>Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that maybe I
>>should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go out and he
>>puts
>>her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.
>
> You're her mother...it's your instinct to take care of your child!
> It's very normal and I would wonder about someone who wasn't affected
> by their baby crying.
> The only way I can think of to overcome it is to leave where you can't
> hear her crying at all. I didn't go out when my babies still needed me
> to get to sleep so that wasn't a problem.
> I do think it's important for the father to know how to take care of
> the babies/children, though (I go on mom's nights out every few
> weeks). Six months is still pretty young, and alot of babies are
> dependent on mom for comfort (that's why we have the breasts).
> Marie

Thank you so much. It's nice to know others feel the same way!

[.oO rach Oo.]

Thanks Jamie. You're right that it will do us all good.

--
..oO rach Oo.


"Jamie Clark" > wrote in message
. ..
> .oO rach Oo. wrote:
>> I will preface this by saying my husband is the best when it comes to
>> helping. He is right there to diaper or feed or play with Holly
>> whenever he can.
>>
>> My little issue is with when she cries. She usually just fusses and
>> cries hard core only once in a while. When she does, I feel like I am
>> going to be sick and cannot stand anyone else to console her but me.
>> It happened again tonight... she was tired but did not want to go to
>> bed (she is a little shy of six months) and is teething... she fussed
>> then started to cry her heart out. I made it through about two
>> minutes of him trying to console her then had to ask him to give her
>> to me as I couldn't take it anymore... it was breaking my heart.
>>
>> Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that
>> maybe I should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go
>> out and he puts her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.
>>
>> help!
>
> I think you need to learn to let him handle it. Give him the time and
> space. Walk out of the room, go for a drive in the car, take a shower,
> turn up the tv, etc. Let him learn how to console her, and in fact, let
> her learn that BOTH mommy and daddy are comforting and loving. It will do
> your entire family a whole lot of good.
> --
>
> Jamie
> Earth Angels:
> Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
> Addison Grace, 9/30/04
>
> Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
> Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
> your own User ID and Password
>
>

[.oO rach Oo.]

"Irrational Number" > wrote in message
nk.net...
> Jamie Clark wrote:
>>
>> I think you need to learn to let him handle it. Give him the time and
>> space. Walk out of the room, go for a drive in the car, take a shower,
>> turn up the tv, etc. Let him learn how to console her, and in fact, let
>> her learn that BOTH mommy and daddy are comforting and loving. It will
>> do your entire family a whole lot of good.
>
> Yeah, what Jamie said. Definitely leave the
> room. Don't you have any romance novels to
> read? ;)
>
> -- Anita --

Romance.... what's that? :)

Thanks!

[.oO rach Oo.]

There is a lot to be said for instinct, isn't there!
Thanks for the support

--
..oO rach Oo.


"Anne Rogers" > wrote in message
...
>I haven't overcome it and mine was 1 a couple of days ago!
>
> I find with my husband that his idea of offering comfort is rather
> different to mine, he doesn't seem to be able to work out what her need
> is, then just comforts her rather than solving the problem, so he just
> cuddles her and strokes her and talks to her, which is great, but only
> after you've given her a drink because it's boiling hot and she's thirsty.
>
> I don't remember it quite so much with my 1st, but I suspect that the
> babies change before the mummies! I still hate to hear my 1st (now 3) cry
> when he is with daddy, I don't like to have a think about rushing in, or
> him rushing to me when in need of comfort, but I still find it heart
> renching if he is crying.
>
> Anne
>

[.oO rach Oo.]

Thanks Suzanne. :)

--
..oO rach Oo.


"Suzanne S" > wrote in message
...
>I know that my DD2 (just about 1yr) will cry for me when I am in the room
>e.g. if she falls and hurts herself, and Daddy consoles her that's just not
>good enough - she wants Mummy. If I am not in the room, then she is
>perfectly happy to be consoled by Daddy. She definately acts differently
>when I am about, so my suggestion would be to leave the room too, and Daddy
>may have more success in consoling her.
>
> Babies do prefer their Mummies though, through no fault of the Daddies.
> So I would also say that unless you really want Daddy to be able to
> console her, let your instincts win!
>
> Suzanne
>
> ".oO rach Oo." > wrote in message
> ...
>>I will preface this by saying my husband is the best when it comes to
>>helping. He is right there to diaper or feed or play with Holly whenever
>>he can.
>>
>> My little issue is with when she cries. She usually just fusses and cries
>> hard core only once in a while. When she does, I feel like I am going to
>> be sick and cannot stand anyone else to console her but me. It happened
>> again tonight... she was tired but did not want to go to bed (she is a
>> little shy of six months) and is teething... she fussed then started to
>> cry her heart out. I made it through about two minutes of him trying to
>> console her then had to ask him to give her to me as I couldn't take it
>> anymore... it was breaking my heart.
>>
>> Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that maybe I
>> should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go out and he
>> puts her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.
>>
>> help!
>>
>> --
>> .oO rach Oo.
>>
>>
>>
>
>

[.oO rach Oo.]

Thank you so much. Like I said in an earlier reply, it is so nice to know
others suffer through the same torment as a Mom. Who knew it was this kind
of complicated?

--
..oO rach Oo.


"PK" > wrote in message
oups.com...
>> Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that maybe I
>> should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go out and he
>> puts
>> her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.
>>
>> help!
>>
>> --
>> .oO rach Oo.
>
>
> I'll start out by saying I'm *exactly* like you, I hate having someone
> else (which is usually her Dad, but on occassion her day care provider,
> or her grandmother) comfort E if she's crying, but I will tell you what
> worked for me:
>
> 1. I changed my thinking. I told myself that her Dad is a different
> person, and has his own ways of soothing her. His way may not be the
> same as my way (actually it better not be, because I nurse her for
> comfort :-) ) but it doesn't mean it's wrong. With my DH, I began to
> show a lot more confidence in him, and as a result, he was very open to
> suggestions from me when he couldn't manage to make her stop crying.
> YMMV with your DH though.
>
> 2. I also left the room. Because if E saw I was there, she wanted me.
> If she realized I was not there, she would be more willing to accept a
> subsitute for Mommy.
>
> 3. I told myself if she was fed, dry, warm and safe, it was OK for her
> to cry. Not indefinitely of course, DH and I had a 7 minute rule. If
> she did not calm down in 7 minutes, I would go back in and offer help.
>
> I hope this helps. At 6.5 mo old now, E enjoys her Dad's company as
> much ( well, maybe a tad less !) as mine, and I'm glad leaving her with
> him gave him a chance to bond with her.
>
> PK
>

[Jamie Clark]

Suzanne S wrote:
> I know that my DD2 (just about 1yr) will cry for me when I am in the
> room e.g. if she falls and hurts herself, and Daddy consoles her
> that's just not good enough - she wants Mummy. If I am not in the
> room, then she is perfectly happy to be consoled by Daddy. She
> definately acts differently when I am about, so my suggestion would
> be to leave the room too, and Daddy may have more success in
> consoling her.
> Babies do prefer their Mummies though, through no fault of the
> Daddies. So I would also say that unless you really want Daddy to be
> able to console her, let your instincts win!

Sure, babies do prefer their Mommies, but they can be taught that Daddy's
are equally as loving, comforting, and wonderful caregivers. If Mommy
rushes in every time that baby cries, that teaches baby that Daddy isn't
capable of making me feel better, so I'd better cry louder and harder until
the Mommy creature comes.

In the long run, in the big picture, if Mommy listens to her insticts and
rushes in every time that baby cries, then eventually no one but Mommy can
console baby, put baby to bed, etc. While this may make Mommy feel
important, it can also make Daddy feel unimportant and useless, as well as
put a serious crimp on the marital relationship, as there can be no date
nights, no "off" time for Mommy to recharge and relax, etc. The family as a
whole can suffer.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password