Baby Shower Registry [Archive] - ParentingBanter.com

View Full Version : Baby Shower Registry

Anna.Nicole.m

June 27th 06, 07:33 PM

Is there anyone else out there, that is not necesarily gun ho about
registries? I don't think there is anything wrong with them if you
want or need specific things. I have all the "needs" stuff already
purchased for the baby. I just need the fun things like Blankies and
clothing and fun toys and gifts that other mothers want to pass along.
I don't want to lock everyone into purchasing from one place or a
specific item. I don't typically shop at the baby stores. They always
seem sooooo expensive. so to request gifts from there seems
hypocritical to me. Besides I would rather have presents from people
that they thought we would like. Kind of more like gifts from the
heart.

Opinions, thoughts?

Ericka Kammerer

June 27th 06, 08:22 PM

Kathryn

June 27th 06, 08:37 PM

"Anna.Nicole.m" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> Is there anyone else out there, that is not necesarily gun ho about
> registries? I don't think there is anything wrong with them if you
> want or need specific things. I have all the "needs" stuff already
> purchased for the baby. I just need the fun things like Blankies and
> clothing and fun toys and gifts that other mothers want to pass along.
> I don't want to lock everyone into purchasing from one place or a
> specific item. I don't typically shop at the baby stores. They always
> seem sooooo expensive. so to request gifts from there seems
> hypocritical to me. Besides I would rather have presents from people
> that they thought we would like. Kind of more like gifts from the
> heart.
>
> Opinions, thoughts?

I have mixed feelings about registries... First feeling is don't tell me
what to buy you, then the next is please tell me what to buy you. ;)

With DD's shower, we went to Walmart and did a fairly simple registry. I
felt that this would leave the option open for those who were strapped for
ideas, and I also felt that since we basically had the essentials - crib,
stroller, car seat, high chair, tons of clothes, etc. - I really did NOT
want a bunch of useless junk that would do nothing but sit and take up
space, or waste my time returning 4 different packs of baby sleepers, since
I had enough sleepers and clothes to clothe 39 babies.

We decided to go together and put on the registry some items that we would
actually like and use. It was mostly smaller, less expensive items, other
than a play pen, baby gate and Jolly Jumper - items that really wouldn't be
needed right off the bat anyways, but definitely seem to come in handy, and
I remember we put on new baby monitors. There was also mostly small items -
a couple little toys we thought were neat, car sunshades, diaper liners, a
soft crib blanket, diapers (cloth and disposable), wipes, bottles of
shampoo, soap, rash cream, bath items, breast pads - items that are
generally useful. We didn't get obnoxious scanning the entire store, as we
had a lot of items we needed already and really didn't have the extra room
to put all kinds of fancy gadgets everywhere. I also really did not care to
get 7 baby books, 92 hats, 3 'starter packs' of bottles, 9 cans of formula,
a gazillion face cloths... All items that we really thought were useless or
had plenty of already and things I wouldn't want anyways and would try to
take back. Running from store to store to return and exchange things didn't
appeal to me. We also had 2 boys already, and I kept everything from them.

I had the registry open to those who wanted to use it, but didn't make a
deal out of it. I found some people went with the registry, some didn't. I
also found that I didn't get stacks and stacks of stuff I didn't want or
need. For those who wanted ideas but didn't want to rely on the registry, I
just said that bigger sized clothes always came in handy - 12 or 18m size
and up - as we really did manage to round up more than enough infant sizes
of everything. I was given a few outfits that were larger size - and right
for the season of when they would be used - and I had 2 of my aunts go
together and get almost every smaller item on the registry - all the bath
items, a pack of cloth diapers, the sun shades (that I just love) the toys,
basically almost everything of the smaller items.
Doing a registry can be nice for those who want to find something that you
want and need. It doesn't hurt to do one - I didn't put anything on the
registry that I wouldn't need to pick up on my own one way or another. Due
to our limited space, and even energy on my part, I wasn't really into the
idea of dealing with stuff that I thought wouldn't be useful and would just
collect dust.

Sarah Vaughan

June 27th 06, 08:43 PM

Anna.Nicole.m wrote:
> Is there anyone else out there, that is not necesarily gun ho about
> registries? I don't think there is anything wrong with them if you
> want or need specific things. I have all the "needs" stuff already
> purchased for the baby. I just need the fun things like Blankies and
> clothing and fun toys and gifts that other mothers want to pass along.
> I don't want to lock everyone into purchasing from one place or a
> specific item. I don't typically shop at the baby stores. They always
> seem sooooo expensive. so to request gifts from there seems
> hypocritical to me. Besides I would rather have presents from people
> that they thought we would like. Kind of more like gifts from the
> heart.
>
> Opinions, thoughts?

I didn't have a baby registry, but I did have one for my wedding. I
think the problem isn't so much with registries as with the way they're
used. What I really object to is people sending the registry list out
to all their friends - that feels to me like a demand for a present,
which I don't think is really fair. But I think it's perfectly
reasonable to have one and only mention it to the people who
specifically ask you what you want. That way, if someone wants to get
you something you actually want with the minimum of hassle, it's easy
for them to do so, whereas if someone wants to use their imagination
they can do that without pressure (and I feel exactly the same way as
you about gifts from the heart - I can barely remember now who bought me
what from the wedding registry, but there are some original things
people bought me with special significance that I still treasure). If
there are still things you'd like, you can set up a registry with them
and only give the details to people who ask.

Of course, if you genuinely don't have anything specific by this stage
that you want or particularly care about getting, it's perfectly
reasonable not to have a registry and to answer the question about what
you'd like the way Erika suggested.

All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

C Thompson

June 27th 06, 10:01 PM

Anna.Nicole.m

June 28th 06, 03:07 AM

thank you everyone for the help. My boss gave me a really good idea.
We are planning to do cloth diapers and she recommended for those who
wanted, to suggest they purchase service time for us. That's what her
daughter did for you know the family that feels obligated to get you
something but knows nothing about you. :-) I have talked to most of
my friends and they seemed psyched to get me something that they choose
for the baby.

Showers are a racket and as soon as we all realize this the better.

Shower question #2 Thoughts and ideas for opening gifts in front of
everyone? The more I see it, the more I think it is in poor taste.
but for some reason so rooted in peoples minds. I can see both sides.

Thoughts opinions?

Ericka Kammerer

June 28th 06, 03:45 AM

Anna.Nicole.m wrote:

> Showers are a racket and as soon as we all realize this the better.
>
> Shower question #2 Thoughts and ideas for opening gifts in front of
> everyone? The more I see it, the more I think it is in poor taste.
> but for some reason so rooted in peoples minds. I can see both sides.

Showers are not a racket, but they are a very
unique and particular sort of social event, and therefore
there are some particular rules attached to keep them from
getting out of hand. Showers are very charming when used
as originally intended, which is as a way for close friends
to shower someone with all the little, inexpensive, routine
items she'll need as she enters a new stage in her life.
Showers are not the place for the big ticket gifts (though
folks look the other way if the grandmothers-to-be go
overboard or if a bunch of folks go in together for something
more substantial). Showers are not to be given by close
relatives, as it looks like gift-grubbing. Guest lists are
to be restrained, as those who come are required to bring
a gift. You'll note that this list of rules already leaves
out office showers, as it's just plain rude to hit all the
co-workers up for gifts. However, if that's what the folks
in your office do, it's very difficult for you as an individual
to buck that system without making people cranky or perhaps
defensive, so sometimes you're ahead just to go along with
those.
If someone throws you a shower, the whole *point*
of the party is to shower you with little gifts. You are
expected to open them at the party. This is not true of
any other sort of party, but as I said, showers are a
unique sort of party. It's okay to open the gifts at
the party because everyone will have brought a gift,
none of the gifts are supposed to be the sort that will
make other guests embarrassed about their own gifts,
and the guest list is confined to your nearest and
dearest. If you can't stand this, then politely decline
if someone asks to host a shower for you, or explain
that you don't want to appear to hit all your friends
up for gifts and ask if it would be okay to do something
else instead, like a brunch/tea/luncheon/whatever.
Most guests would probably still bring a gift, but
because those sorts of parties *don't* require guests
to bring gifts, you don't open the gifts at the party
so as not to embarrass anyone who chose not to bring a
gift.
The only thing wrong with showers is that they've
been getting out of hand. Done "by the book" they're
very charming and perfectly appropriate, and there is
no need to avoid opening gifts at the shower. People
are looking forward to it, or they wouldn't choose to
attend a shower.

Best wishes,
Ericka

cjra

June 28th 06, 01:14 PM

Anna.Nicole.m wrote:
> thank you everyone for the help. My boss gave me a really good idea.
> We are planning to do cloth diapers and she recommended for those who
> wanted, to suggest they purchase service time for us. That's what her
> daughter did for you know the family that feels obligated to get you
> something but knows nothing about you. :-) I have talked to most of
> my friends and they seemed psyched to get me something that they choose
> for the baby.
>
> Showers are a racket and as soon as we all realize this the better.
>
> Shower question #2 Thoughts and ideas for opening gifts in front of
> everyone? The more I see it, the more I think it is in poor taste.
> but for some reason so rooted in peoples minds. I can see both sides.

I wasn't comfortable with the shower idea - I like going to other
people's showers, but not the idea of being the guest or honour (we
didn't have a wedding shower for that reason). Our friends *really*
wanted to throw us one, so we said ok if 1)it's co-ed - no frilly girly
stuff, and 2 - we play down the shower part and focus on the 'celebrate
the upcoming arrival.' It was this past weekend and I'm really glad we
did it. First, our lives have been so hectic we haven't had much time
to spend with these friends lately and it was a great excuse to get
together. It gave our friends a chance to really get involved with
celebrating this baby - they're as excited as we are I think ;-). The
focus was a BBQ, with a few fun soccer-related games (I am a huge
soccer fan, and being in the midst of the World Cup, they decided to
use that as a theme). Though we told the hosts to play down the gift
aspect, most people brought gifts and it was expected we'd open them
there. They loved that part too - everyone wanted to ooh and ahh over
the cute baby stuff as well as laugh and have fun.
..
So I think with the right attitude and the right people, it doesn't
have to be a gift grab. It can just be a fun party
>
>
> Thoughts opinions?

Ericka Kammerer

June 28th 06, 03:48 PM

cjra wrote:

> I wasn't comfortable with the shower idea - I like going to other
> people's showers, but not the idea of being the guest or honour (we
> didn't have a wedding shower for that reason). Our friends *really*
> wanted to throw us one, so we said ok if 1)it's co-ed - no frilly girly
> stuff, and 2 - we play down the shower part and focus on the 'celebrate
> the upcoming arrival.' It was this past weekend and I'm really glad we
> did it. First, our lives have been so hectic we haven't had much time
> to spend with these friends lately and it was a great excuse to get
> together. It gave our friends a chance to really get involved with
> celebrating this baby - they're as excited as we are I think ;-). The
> focus was a BBQ, with a few fun soccer-related games (I am a huge
> soccer fan, and being in the midst of the World Cup, they decided to
> use that as a theme). Though we told the hosts to play down the gift
> aspect, most people brought gifts and it was expected we'd open them
> there. They loved that part too - everyone wanted to ooh and ahh over
> the cute baby stuff as well as laugh and have fun.

If one really doesn't like the gift thing, really
the only way to get out of it is not have the word "shower"
anywhere near the event, and maybe even disguise the
event a bit (e.g., call it a "World Cup" party and make
no mention of baby!). As you saw, people who accept shower
invitations do so because they *really* like seeing all
the fun little baby gifts. If you manage the guest list
properly, it really is harmless fun. And if there is any
way that folks perceive the party to be a shower, they're
almost certainly going to bring a gift, as it's improper to
come without one. I think that just because some people
let showers get out of hand, that's no reason to be
squeamish about a properly done shower, which is fun and
charming for all. Hey, it's not such a bad thing for
folks to learn to be gracious recipients of gifts either ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

Irrational Number

June 28th 06, 03:56 PM

cjra wrote:
>
> I wasn't comfortable with the shower idea - [...]
> the upcoming arrival.' It was this past weekend and I'm really glad we
> did it. First, our lives have been so hectic we haven't had much time
> to spend with these friends lately and it was a great excuse to get
> together. It gave our friends a chance to really get involved with
> celebrating this baby - they're as excited as we are I think ;-). The
> focus was a BBQ, with a few fun soccer-related games (I am a huge
> soccer fan, and being in the midst of the World Cup, they decided to
> use that as a theme). Though we told the hosts to play down the gift
> aspect, most people brought gifts and it was expected we'd open them
> there. They loved that part too - everyone wanted to ooh and ahh over
> the cute baby stuff as well as laugh and have fun.

But isn't this exactly a shower? Friends gathering
to celebrate an impeding arrival of a baby. Plus,
it's cool to be the guest of honour once in awhile!

-- Anita --

Anna.Nicole.m

June 28th 06, 04:03 PM

Great ideas. What I'm finidng hard is my sister and sister in law are
planning this. Trust me getting in a fight with either of them is a
HUGE deal, much easier to just go with it rather then fight against it.
My friends wanted to throw one for me but my sister has deemed my
sister in law the only one that is acceptable to do this. So I think I
will have to resort to complaining here. And the not registering will
hopefully make the gifts simpler and more fun. Maybe someone out there
who is more diplomatic then I am, has a wonderful suggestion that I
could possibly have them do. I like the idea of cute little gifts.
That would be fun. I wonder how to go about informing attendees of
this without putting mention of gifts in the invitation. I think I
read gift presumption is the number one no no in the ettiquette guide
for invites.

Ericka Kammerer

June 28th 06, 04:46 PM

Anna.Nicole.m wrote:
> Great ideas. What I'm finidng hard is my sister and sister in law are
> planning this. Trust me getting in a fight with either of them is a
> HUGE deal, much easier to just go with it rather then fight against it.
> My friends wanted to throw one for me but my sister has deemed my
> sister in law the only one that is acceptable to do this. So I think I
> will have to resort to complaining here. And the not registering will
> hopefully make the gifts simpler and more fun. Maybe someone out there
> who is more diplomatic then I am, has a wonderful suggestion that I
> could possibly have them do. I like the idea of cute little gifts.
> That would be fun. I wonder how to go about informing attendees of
> this without putting mention of gifts in the invitation. I think I
> read gift presumption is the number one no no in the ettiquette guide
> for invites.

If you really want to wriggle out of this, perhaps
a copy of a Miss Manners book explaining that close relatives
are forbidden from throwing showers might make some headway?
Sisters and sisters-in-law are among those who are not to throw
showers, because they're too closely related to you for it
not to be unseemly for them to be requesting gifts for you.
If you just need to go along with it, there is a little
more leeway with shower invitations than other invitations
simply because a shower invitation really *is* a gift request,
given that anyone who accepts the invitation must bring a gift.
Putting registry information in the invitation is crossing
the line, but it is permissible to have theme showers. So,
for instance, they could throw a book shower with everyone
bringing their favorite children's book and you'd end up
with a nice little library.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Welches

June 28th 06, 04:56 PM

"Ericka Kammerer" > wrote in message
. ..
<snip>
> for instance, they could throw a book shower with everyone
> bringing their favorite children's book and you'd end up
> with a nice little library.
We don't do showers here but I think that's a really nice idea.
Debbie

cjra

June 28th 06, 05:55 PM

Ericka Kammerer wrote:

> If one really doesn't like the gift thing, really
> the only way to get out of it is not have the word "shower"
> anywhere near the event, and maybe even disguise the
> event a bit (e.g., call it a "World Cup" party and make
> no mention of baby!).

Yup, no mention of shower was made, just 'celebration', but as everyone
knows I'm nine months pregnant, they made the assumption,...The hosts,
however, did want to make it a specific baby oriented event - eg, they
asked everyone to contribute to a time capsule for the baby, which was
a wonderful touch.

A World Cup Party would specifically require *watching* the football,
and they kindly planned for *after* all matches that day. (We have
plenty of those)

cjra

June 28th 06, 05:59 PM

Irrational Number wrote:
> cjra wrote:
> >
> > I wasn't comfortable with the shower idea - [...]
> > the upcoming arrival.' It was this past weekend and I'm really glad we
> > did it. First, our lives have been so hectic we haven't had much time
> > to spend with these friends lately and it was a great excuse to get
> > together. It gave our friends a chance to really get involved with
> > celebrating this baby - they're as excited as we are I think ;-). The
> > focus was a BBQ, with a few fun soccer-related games (I am a huge
> > soccer fan, and being in the midst of the World Cup, they decided to
> > use that as a theme). Though we told the hosts to play down the gift
> > aspect, most people brought gifts and it was expected we'd open them
> > there. They loved that part too - everyone wanted to ooh and ahh over
> > the cute baby stuff as well as laugh and have fun.
>
> But isn't this exactly a shower? Friends gathering
> to celebrate an impeding arrival of a baby. Plus,
> it's cool to be the guest of honour once in awhile!
>

Yeah, it was, they just avoided mention of shower - ie a party for
gifts, and focused moe on the celebratory aspect. There wasn't a lot to
make it look like a typical shower except the gifts were all baby
related.

However when a wedding shower was offered I very clearly said Thanks
but no thanks. Let's go out and do a girl's night instead. But for the
baby, everyone wanted to take part in pre-celebrations, knowing post
celebrations might be difficult.
> -- Anita --

Anna.Nicole.m

June 28th 06, 06:31 PM

but it is permissible to have theme showers. So,
> for instance, they could throw a book shower with everyone
> bringing their favorite children's book and you'd end up
> with a nice little library.
>
> Best wishes,
> Ericka

oooo theme shower, that sounds like fun. book theme hmmm anymore
"THEME" Ideas?

I wonder if we can do a make another baby "Theme" Shower ROFL

Carmen

June 29th 06, 12:07 AM

I have nothing so far (only 5 mos along and nowhere to put anything
yet, as we're not moving until the last week of August). I did make a
registry at WalMart because that's where my family and my in-laws shop,
and people keep asking what I need. I don't know if very many family
members will actually look at it, but it's there if/when they ask and
it helps me keep track of what I still need.

Anna.Nicole.m wrote:
>
> Opinions, thoughts?

Irene

June 29th 06, 11:12 PM

Anna.Nicole.m wrote:
> Is there anyone else out there, that is not necesarily gun ho about
> registries? I don't think there is anything wrong with them if you
> want or need specific things. I have all the "needs" stuff already
> purchased for the baby. I just need the fun things like Blankies and
> clothing and fun toys and gifts that other mothers want to pass along.
> I don't want to lock everyone into purchasing from one place or a
> specific item. I don't typically shop at the baby stores. They always
> seem sooooo expensive. so to request gifts from there seems
> hypocritical to me. Besides I would rather have presents from people
> that they thought we would like. Kind of more like gifts from the
> heart.
>
> Opinions, thoughts?

Well, I didn't do a baby registry. The big stuff was discussed with
the specific people who offered ahead of time to buy them, and like
you, I was then left with the smaller stuff that didn't really seem
necessary to register for. I did have a list of stuff I needed, so if
people called and asked, I could suggest a few ideas of gift
categories, but I didn't give them specifics. It worked out pretty
well - I ended up with a good variety of stuff, and the few things we
still needed, we just bought ourselves.

That said, I will point out that one thing you can do nowadays is there
are online registries where you can register stuff from anyplace, not
just big stores. It's especially nice if you want stuff made by WAHM
companies, for instance. (A friend of mine did that recently - so I
was able to convince her to replace the Ultimate Baby Wrap at BRU with
a Moby at an online-only store.)

Irene