Any chance of preventing EX from moving with my son

[orangele2003nut@yahoo.com]

I have been divorced for approximately 2 years. Both my EX and I live
in Texas. I have joint custody, although my EX is the custodial
parent. A year ago my EX moved with my young son to another city about
4 hours drive away in the same state. I attempted to convince her not
to move (went to a counselor with her, tried to address issues why she
wanted to move). Her reasons were regarding getting a better job,
which I thought was reasonable, but the value of having a supportive
father near to our son seemed to have no value to her.

Now my 7 year old son tells me that she is thinking of moving to
another state 1/2 way across the country. This of course would make
regular custody visits very difficult. Is there any chance that a
court would prevent a move by my EX because this would not be in the
best interest of my son? I would add that I have paid my child support
without fail, always ahead of time since our divorce. Further, the
only history of any violence in my relationship with my EX was by her
when I filed a police report regarding her repeatedly striking me on
the night before our divorce was finalized. (I wanted the divorce-she
did not).

In our decree, if she moves, she would be responsible for my sons
transportation back to her. Since my income is far greater than hers,
it is actually feasible for me to afford bimonthly airline travel for
my son, and I do not think she could afford this. I am a bit concerned
if I bring this up to her, she may be able to get a court to mandate
that I pay for two-way travel even though it would be totally her
decision to move a long distance away.

[DB]

She can move, but she can't take the child out of state!

" > wrote in message
oups.com...
>I have been divorced for approximately 2 years. Both my EX and I live
> in Texas. I have joint custody, although my EX is the custodial
> parent. A year ago my EX moved with my young son to another city about
> 4 hours drive away in the same state. I attempted to convince her not
> to move (went to a counselor with her, tried to address issues why she
> wanted to move). Her reasons were regarding getting a better job,
> which I thought was reasonable, but the value of having a supportive
> father near to our son seemed to have no value to her.
>
> Now my 7 year old son tells me that she is thinking of moving to
> another state 1/2 way across the country. This of course would make
> regular custody visits very difficult. Is there any chance that a
> court would prevent a move by my EX because this would not be in the
> best interest of my son? I would add that I have paid my child support
> without fail, always ahead of time since our divorce. Further, the
> only history of any violence in my relationship with my EX was by her
> when I filed a police report regarding her repeatedly striking me on
> the night before our divorce was finalized. (I wanted the divorce-she
> did not).
>
> In our decree, if she moves, she would be responsible for my sons
> transportation back to her. Since my income is far greater than hers,
> it is actually feasible for me to afford bimonthly airline travel for
> my son, and I do not think she could afford this. I am a bit concerned
> if I bring this up to her, she may be able to get a court to mandate
> that I pay for two-way travel even though it would be totally her
> decision to move a long distance away.
>

[don_1228@hotmail.com]

wrote:
> Is there any chance that a
> court would prevent a move by my EX because this would not be in the
> best interest of my son?

There is a chance....but it's very remote.

Basically all she has to argue is that her economic prospects are
limited where she is and that riches await wherever. Courts tend to be
extremely sympathetic to this argument and require little to support
it.

If you have the money, time and energy you can get a guardian ad litem
to possibly support your position. For the most part though, it is very
much an uphill battle. BTW, my guess is you are right about not
pointing out the agreement re. her share of transportation although
once she moves she can then go: "golly gee...I can't possibly pay that
now...I'm so sorry."

Don

[Bryan Oakley]

wrote:
> ... Is there any chance that a
> court would prevent a move by my EX because this would not be in the
> best interest of my son?

My experience is "not a chance in heck".

Here's my story:

My then-wife moved our kids out of state (from Texas to Oklahoma) when
she first asked for the divorce. By giving up some concessions and
simply refusing to yield on this point I got a restriction put into the
decree that she couldn't move them out of Oklahoma. I moved to Oklahoma.
I felt guardedly optimistic that I wouldn't have to move to another
state a second time.

Fast forward 4 years and she wanted to move to Illinois, in spite of the
restriction. She played the "better job" card; she had been laid off, so
that card was particularly strong. We went to mediation where the
ex-divorce-lawyer, ex-divorce-judge, now-mediator told us flat out with
a straight face "no judge in the world will stop her from moving". That
pretty much removed any incentive for her to negotiate. It was clear she
was going to move.

(note to self: don't be nice and let the ex be the one to pick the
mediator...)

My only option was to force the issue into court which would likely only
serve to delay things a bit and put cash in the hands of some lawyers.
That was not a particularly wise course of action IMO. So, the only
bargining chip I had was to give her a way to avoid the court time and
costs.

Amazingly, when all was said and done I got better custody and CS (still
more than the state guidelines in CS though) in exchange for the move.
Once school starts and I get moved up there we'll have a nearly 50/50
physical custody arrangement -- a huge win for the kids! Maybe the
mediator did a good job after all.

Now I have to move to a ridiculously expensive school district (4x the
median house price of where I live now), I have a new job that pays 16%
less with fewer benefits, and I get to live with the realization that
after taking child support into account she'll have more income than me,
with considerably less expenses (AFAIK she doesn't have to pay rent).
And I'll be living 500 miles away from my nearest friend or relative.

<shrug> The kids win so I'm not complaining. It will be a fine glass of
lemonade.

My best advice is to suggest you use whatever leverage you have (travel
costs, court costs) to negotiate the best deal you can get for the kids,
and realize that at the very least, she _will_ be moving. The best you
can do for your kids is figure out a way to move there too.

--
Bryan Oakley
http://www.tclscripting.com