Fathers & toilet/changing facilities

[Amy]

DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will no
doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her to
some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?
Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby changing
facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet facilities
for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding a
baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and mens'
toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to me
:-/
I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need to
ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why ban
a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?

[Clisby]

Amy wrote:
> DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will no
> doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
> place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her to
> some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?
> Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby changing
> facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet facilities
> for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding a
> baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
> restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and mens'
> toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to me
> :-/
> I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need to
> ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why ban
> a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?
>
>

My husband took our daughter in the men's bathroom a few times.

I've changed my babies in plenty of bathrooms that didn't have changing
facilities, so I don't see that as an issue.

Clisby

[Sue]

Amy > wrote in message
> DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will
>no doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
> place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet?

Here in Michigan, they have changing stations in the men's bathroom. Some
stores also have family bathrooms. If the child is a toddler, then of course
your husband brings her in the men's bathroom. Personally, it hasn't been a
problem for us. If worse comes to worse, just change the baby in a discrete
place and throw the diaper away.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

[Cheryl]

On Fri, 4 Jun 2004 23:23:53 +1200, "Amy" >
wrote:

>DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will no
>doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
>place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her to
>some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?
>Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby changing
>facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet facilities
>for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding a
>baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
>restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and mens'
>toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to me
>:-/
>I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need to
>ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why ban
>a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?
>

My DH takes them into the disabled rooms. That's what they ask us to
do at the local swimming pool so it works for us everywhere else.
Mostly though we only go places which have parent's rooms for either
gender but that's pure luck rather than good management on our part,
so the disabled toilet idea is a good option for everywhere else.


--
Cheryl
Mum to Shrimp (11 Mar 99), Thud (4 Oct 00)
and Mischief (30 Jul 02)

[Marie]

On Fri, 4 Jun 2004 23:23:53 +1200, "Amy" >
wrote:
>DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will no
>doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
>place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her to
>some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?

Dh took our daughters to the men's room...but since they've gotten old
enough to use the women's alone it hasn't been an issue (they don't go
out as much without me anymore)

>Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby changing
>facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet facilities
>for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding a
>baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
>restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and mens'
>toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to me
>:-/
>I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need to
>ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why ban
>a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?

Dh always took the babies to the car and changed them there.
Marie

[Sophie]

"Amy" > wrote in message
...
> DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will
no
> doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
> place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet?

What age are you talking about?

>Entrust her to some strange woman?

I wouldn't.

>Take her into a grotty mens' loo?

He has.

> Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby changing
> facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet
facilities
> for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding
a
> baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
> restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and
mens'
> toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to me
> :-/

There are no baby changing stations in the men's room? Just about
everywhere here has them.

> I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need to
> ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why
ban
> a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?

Get writing!

Sophie
#4 due July 7, 2004

[Nikki]

Amy wrote:
> DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who
> will no doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is
> in a public place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the
> toilet? Entrust her to some strange woman? Take her into a grotty
> mens' loo?

Take her to the men's room. I have sons but the toilets are just as grotty
:-) Carry those flushable Clorox wipes (not sure you have them where you
are - they are like baby wipes only disinfectant wipes) or one of those fold
up seats if he/you fear the toilets are to yucky to sit on.

Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any
> unisex baby changing facilities in town.

I change them in the car a lot. Once mine are old enough to stand I usually
change them standing when out and about. Lots of our men's bathrooms have
the changing tables in them though so I would write to family oriented
business or to the city council about the problem.

The big mall (1.5hrs away and I hardly ever go there) has a family lounge
and 5 large single bathrooms coming off of it. Men are allowed there. You
can get all your kids in one bathroom. You can sit and nurse. Lots of
space to change on counters in the lounge area, not the bathrooms, which is
a plus to me. It is great :-)

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)

[Leslie]

Well, you know, I have three boys who have spent a great deal of time im
women's restrooms with me. Why shouldn't a father be able to take a daughter
into the men's restroom?

Leslie

[Ilse Witch]

On Fri, 04 Jun 2004 23:23:53 +1200, Amy wrote:

> I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need to
> ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why ban
> a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?

I'm not sure whereabouts you are, but my DH changes DS wherever he finds
a place. Around here (eastern US), a LOT of the men's bathrooms have baby
changing facilities, something which stunned me, as it's one of the things
that you hardly ever find in Europe (in spite of their progressive
nature). When there is none and no room to put DS elsewhere, he tries the
disabled toilet, or just changes DS on the floor wherever there is a clean
spot. Nobody has ever complained (we even did this in the middle of the US
embassy in the Netherlands, where there is no bathroom at all).

Now when DS becomes potty trained, obviously there is no problem as he's a
boy. But with a girl, he could just take her into the men's room. They
have toiletpaper there too, and we have found that in most places the
cleanliness of women's or men's room is comparable (it's either bad in
both or good in both).

--
-- I
mommy to DS (July '02)
mommy to three tiny angels (28 Oct'03, 17 Feb'04 & 20 May'04)
guardian of DH (33)

[Jacqui]

Amy wibbled

> I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they
> need to ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles
> etc, but why ban a father with his children? What do the solo Dads
> out there do?

If you're in the UK (your spelling and phrasing make me guess that
you might be) there *are* changing stations in a lot of men's
toilets, in 'chain' pubs and restaurants, for instance, and
department stores, Mothercare, Boots etc also have separate
babychange rooms with no restriction. You can lock the door while
you're in there, most of them have toilets as well as the baby
change section, and where the breastfeeding room is part of
it/connected there's usually a curtain for privacy, so there's
generally no problem with fathers. DH has changed T in a variety of
places, almost as many as I have. Often we've both gone in if we're
out as a family.

Whereabouts are you? There are some good resources on the web for
locating babychange places, but not for every town IIRC.

Jac

[Hillary Israeli]

In >,
Amy > wrote:

*DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will no
*doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
*place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her to
*some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?

Yeah, take her into the grotty mens' loo, what else??
I mean, around here, most of the mens' rooms aren't that grotty, but if we
go into the city, yep, grottiness abounds :). And we DO have a good number
of "family" bathrooms at local malls and such, but not everyplace has
them. You just do what you have to do. Certainly I take my son (he'll be 4
in September) into the womens' rooms when we're out and about and I don't
think twice about it.

*Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby changing
*facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet facilities
*for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding a
*baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
*restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and mens'
*toilets are around the side.

Oh, that's odd. It says women/children can go in one, and men in another?
Not men/children??? I think they just need to change the signs to read
women/children and men/children, and they'll be all set :). Either that,
or they need to change the signs to read men/women/children, and men only
:)


--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large :)

[Kazh]

Ask him to use the disabled toilet if there are no facilities in the =
men's. I've noticed the UK is starting to et better with universal =
''parent and baby'' rooms as opposed to ''mother and baby''. A lot of =
places still need a push in the right direct, but chains like McDonalds =
have changing facilities in the disabled toilets so the loo is always on =
the ground floor. My hubbie's fav KFC have toilets, down 2 flights of =
stairs and no baby changing, so I lay baby on a mat on the seat and get =
on with it. To me baby comes first, if they can't provide a suitable =
place to change baby then I improvise.


"Amy" > wrote in message =
...
DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who =
will no
doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her =
to
some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?
Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby =
changing
facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet =
facilities
for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or =
feeding a
baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and =
mens'
toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to =
me
:-/
I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need =
to
ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why =
ban
a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?

[Denise Anderson]

"Amy" > wrote in message
...
> DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will
no
> doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
> place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her
to
> some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?
>

My husband takes our daughter's into men's restrooms. If he has all 3
girls, he'll wait outside the women's restroom with the 2 youngest and send
the 5 year old into the women's restroom by herself. Changing's never been
an issue. We do it wherever... strollers are great for changing where
there's no changing facilities.

Denise

[Nikki]

Kazh wrote:
> Ask him to use the disabled toilet if there are no facilities in the
> men's.

Second time I've seen this suggestion :-) I'm assuming that there are
places that have separate bathrooms that are accessible? I've never seen
that. We have accessible stalls within the men's bathroom and also within
the women's bathroom. A person with a wheelchair would still have to use
the same gender specific bathroom.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)

[Jacqui]

Nikki wibbled
> Kazh wrote:
>> Ask him to use the disabled toilet if there are no facilities in
>> the men's.
>
> Second time I've seen this suggestion :-) I'm assuming that there
> are places that have separate bathrooms that are accessible? I've
> never seen that. We have accessible stalls within the men's
> bathroom and also within the women's bathroom. A person with a
> wheelchair would still have to use the same gender specific
> bathroom.

Certainly in the UK it's common to have three sets: men, women,
disabled. The gender-specific ones are usually way too small to get
a wheelchair (or a pushchair) into. It's not like there's usually a
queue for the disabled toilet, so no big problem with anyone
(qualified) using it. I use them when I need to - partially because
of the rails which I find handy when my back is playing up,
partially because I can get the pushchair in there with me. I have
not used a regular public toilet in 10 months if I'm out with T on
my own (obviously if there's someone with me they watch the baby
while I go), I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him or the
pushchair in the public part in most places.

Jac

[Nan]

On Fri, 4 Jun 2004 23:23:53 +1200, "Amy" >
wrote:

>DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will no
>doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
>place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her to
>some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?
>Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby changing
>facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet facilities
>for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding a
>baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
>restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and mens'
>toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to me
>:-/
>I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need to
>ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why ban
>a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?

My dh takes my 4 year old in the men's room with him.
Most men's rooms also have a changing station, so he could change the
2 month old if he needed to.

Nan

[Nikki]

Jacqui wrote:

> Certainly in the UK it's common to have three sets: men, women,
> disabled. The gender-specific ones are usually way too small to get
> a wheelchair (or a pushchair) into. It's not like there's usually a
> queue for the disabled toilet, so no big problem with anyone
> (qualified) using it.

I'm in the US. I'm not sure if it is the same all over or not. The
bathrooms are generally large and have several stalls per bathroom, one of
the stalls is extra big and has rails and occasionally a higher toilet. You
can use those to of course and I think most people with strollers or kids do
if they are open. The stalls are separated by metal partitions. The
regular stalls are small.

In small places, like small gas stations, there is just one toilet
bathrooms, usually large enough to be accessable so there are still only
two.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)

[Alissa]

"Amy" > wrote in message
...
> DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will
no
> doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
> place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her
to
> some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?
> Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby changing
> facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet
facilities
> for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding
a
> baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
> restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and
mens'
> toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to me
> :-/
> I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need to
> ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why
ban
> a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?
>
> Most places I go have parents rooms, if not I just change her in the pram,
I;I've also been known to use the boot of the car, the grass,where ever I
can whip the nappy off fast and replace it with a new one if it's just wet.
When I need to use the toilet I use the disabled because it's the only place
in my local shopping centre that fits the pram in and there is no way I'm
leaving her outside in a public toilet while I go and the parents room
doesn't have toilets only change tables and lounges to sit and feed
babies.As for when she needs to go with her dad I guess he will just take
her to the men's once she is toilet trained.
Alissa

[Jennifer and Robert Howe]

here we have family bathrooms that way it doesn't matter who takes the child
into the bathroom.

Jennifer
ariana 8/17/03
home.earthlink.net/~soalus

"Amy" > wrote in message
...
> DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will
no
> doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
> place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her
to
> some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?
> Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby changing
> facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet
facilities
> for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding
a
> baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
> restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and
mens'
> toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to me
> :-/
> I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need to
> ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why
ban
> a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?
>
>

[Vicky Bilaniuk]

Amy wrote:

> facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet facilities
> for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding a
> baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
> restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and mens'
> toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to me

I see this kind of thing all over the place and it really bugs me. For
us, I just figure we won't frequent any places that don't have half
decent facilities.

[Kazh]

In the UK we have 3 sets of toilets usually mens, womens and disabled. =
Some places, like here in Nottingham, the shopping centres (malls) have =
''parent and baby'' rooms. I know in Nottingham's Broadmarsh shopping =
centre we have a separate room with toilet cubicle, changing facilities =
and even a rocking chair for breastfeeding mothers to feed in comfort =
and McDonalds have changing baby facilities in the disabled toilet.

I take a portable changing mat with me and if I can't find toilets to =
use I find a bench or seat, I've never seen it a problem changing =
babies. my hubbie is the same, he'll look for parent and baby unit or =
disabled toilets and then improvise where necessary.


"Nikki" > wrote in message =
...
Kazh wrote:
> Ask him to use the disabled toilet if there are no facilities in the
> men's.

Second time I've seen this suggestion :-) I'm assuming that there are
places that have separate bathrooms that are accessible? I've never =
seen
that. We have accessible stalls within the men's bathroom and also =
within
the women's bathroom. A person with a wheelchair would still have to =
use
the same gender specific bathroom.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)

[Cheryl]

On Fri, 4 Jun 2004 17:56:27 +0000 (UTC), Jacqui
> wrote:

>Certainly in the UK it's common to have three sets: men, women,
>disabled. The gender-specific ones are usually way too small to get
>a wheelchair (or a pushchair) into. It's not like there's usually a
>queue for the disabled toilet, so no big problem with anyone
>(qualified) using it.

Same in Australia. In fact in places like McDonalds the disabled
toilets are often the only places you will get a change table because
there is only enough room to put one in the disabled toilet.

--
Cheryl
Mum to Shrimp (11 Mar 99), Thud (4 Oct 00)
and Mischief (30 Jul 02)

[Kazh]

My feelings exactly, I usually have 3 kids out with me 3, 21/2 & 9 =
months (I'm a childminder), and I ALWAYS use toilet I can get the =
pushchair in. If hubbie is out with me then it's different but I'm =
solely responsible for those children whilst we are out so they stay =
with me at ALL times.

"Jacqui" > wrote in message =
. 7...
Nikki wibbled
> Kazh wrote:


Certainly in the UK it's common to have three sets: men, women,=20
disabled. The gender-specific ones are usually way too small to get=20
a wheelchair (or a pushchair) into. It's not like there's usually a=20
queue for the disabled toilet, so no big problem with anyone=20
(qualified) using it. I use them when I need to - partially because=20
of the rails which I find handy when my back is playing up,=20
partially because I can get the pushchair in there with me. I have=20
not used a regular public toilet in 10 months if I'm out with T on=20
my own (obviously if there's someone with me they watch the baby=20
while I go), I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him or the=20
pushchair in the public part in most places.

Jac

[Kazh]

Seems to be different in the US to that of here in the UK.

My only advice is put the babies needs first. If you have to, carry a =
portable or disposable changing mat with you and change baby where ever =
you can. I've changed babies on seat, on grass in the park, in the back =
seat of the car but the best pace when out and about is in the =
pushchair.

"Nikki" > wrote in message =
...
Jacqui wrote:

> Certainly in the UK it's common to have three sets: men, women,
> disabled. The gender-specific ones are usually way too small to get
> a wheelchair (or a pushchair) into. It's not like there's usually a
> queue for the disabled toilet, so no big problem with anyone
> (qualified) using it.

I'm in the US. I'm not sure if it is the same all over or not. The
bathrooms are generally large and have several stalls per bathroom, one =
of
the stalls is extra big and has rails and occasionally a higher toilet. =
You
can use those to of course and I think most people with strollers or =
kids do
if they are open. The stalls are separated by metal partitions. The
regular stalls are small.

In small places, like small gas stations, there is just one toilet
bathrooms, usually large enough to be accessable so there are still only
two.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)

[Amy]

Thanks for all the advice :-)
I never thought about places like the car, the stroller etc - I guess you
just change a baby wherever you can. My mother always took my younger
brother into the womens' toilets, but always gave me the impression that
partly the reason she did this was because mens' toilets were unclean places
where unsavoury characters hung out and urinated on the floor! I guess it's
a misconception I carry from my childhood, since of course I've never been
into a mens' toilet myself.
DH assures me he's never seen a changing station in a mens' toilet though,
so I guess here in NZ we're behind the times. Maybe a bit of letter-writing
would do the trick there. We do have some unisex disabled toilets though, so
I'll get him to check those out.

"Amy" > wrote in message
...
> DH came up with a really good question the other day. As someone who will
no
> doubt be a hands-on Dad, what is he supposed to do if he is in a public
> place by himself and our daughter needs to go to the toilet? Entrust her
to
> some strange woman? Take her into a grotty mens' loo?
> Changing is an issue in itself. I can't think of any unisex baby changing
> facilities in town. We have a womens' rest room, which has toilet
facilities
> for women with a large room at the front suitable for changing or feeding
a
> baby, but only toilets for men and there is a bold sign in front of the
> restrooms stating that the facilities are for women/children only and
mens'
> toilets are around the side. This seems profoundly sexist and unfair to me
> :-/
> I'm tempted to write to our council about the problem. I know they need to
> ensure that a restroom for children is free of paedophiles etc, but why
ban
> a father with his children? What do the solo Dads out there do?
>
>