Giving birth phobia?

[zolw]

Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
overlook my post & move on to another.

OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

Well, I always wanted to have kids. When I got pregnant I was surprised
& excited. As time passes, I think more and more about the day I have to
give birth. I want them to take her out, but I don't want to actually
give birth.

I am so horrified of the pain. I am going for an epidural, but somehow I
do not believe that it will not hurt. I have very low pain tolerance as
it is (popping a zit for me is like operating on someone without
anesthesia) My doctor has advised me not to go for a c-section, unless
necessary. I also don't want to go for the c-section, because of the
side effects.

When I think about labor & delivery I get anxious. I breath heavily. My
eyes tear. My heart beats faster. It's a real problem. I know it has
something to do with pain and with unknown. But I am not really sure
which part of labor & delivery I am fearing. I will have my husband
right there next to me & my best friend too. I mean, what more could I
ask for?

People seem to not want to talk about this with me. I understand that I
might be acting irrationally, but it doesn't change the fact that this
is how I feel. I am actually about to cry as I am writing this .. it is
scary! Even my husband seems to think that I am overreacting (he tries
to be supportive, but I can sense that he is not really supportive,
rather obligated). When i say that I am horrified or whatever else
explaining my fear, most people think that it is just words. Not too
many people seem to get the extend of my fear, even when I try to
explain it to them. I really love my child & I want her healthy & out
there, but I don't want to give birth to her.

How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

I am so sorry for the unorganized format of this message, but my mind is
unorganized right now.

Thank you

Mona
due 07-31-04

[Chotii]

"zolw" > wrote in message
news:sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02...


> How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
> with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
> not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

The only suggestions I have are going to sound weird. But I'm not sure what
you have to lose.

1 - find a hypnotherapist who will try to help you uncover the root of your
fear
2 - find a past-life regression therapist who ditto (don't laugh - some
people honestly appear to have addressed inexplicable phobias by becoming
convinced they were based in past-life experiences, such as a death during
childbirth. Once addressed; once the conscious mind in the now understands
that this is now, this is not *then*, and that now is safe, the phobias have
eased or vanished.)
3 - find an ordinary therapist who will let you talk and talk and talk until
you discover the root of your fear. I know you say you fear pain, but what
is it about pain that is so terrifying?
4 - go to 123eft.com and work through the pages there.

I'm not at all certain that 'pain' is the problem. You already know
rationally that the pain of labor is a normal pain, and that it doesn't mean
you're going to die, or that any harm will come to you. You know it isn't
like being injured, you know your body is designed to give birth. You know
these rationally, and so, the fear comes from somewhere deeper. I'm not
completely above suggesting at least the remote possibility of either a
past-life memory, or some story you heard in childhood about a woman dying
in childbirth....? I realise that 'all pain' is a problem for you, and you
believe that birth must equal pain (which is by the way not true - I don't
remember my labor hurting even though I'm sure it must have hurt at the
time. I do remember my thighs cramping, and that *hurt*. They were two very
different kinds of 'pain' in the same experience). But again, it seems to me
that 'pain' is not so much the problem as what pain *represents*. Pain seems
to represent a threat to your bodily integrity...? (Did you endure any
traumatic medical procedures as an infant that you may remember at a
subconscious level? Something like that? Could there have been something you
don't even *know* about, like the woman I know who was born intersex and was
surgically 'normalised' and didn't discover it until adulthood?) I'm just
tossing out ideas.

At the very least, try #4. It's free. It's corny, but it won't hurt you even
if it doesn't help. The other things are likely to cost, AND take a lot of
time besides, which you don't really have since you're into your 8th month
now.

--angela

[Hillary Israeli]

In <sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02>,
zolw > wrote:

*OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
*thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
*I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

Mona,

I would first of all recommend talking to your OB or midwife about this.
Hopefully he or she would have some advice specific to you because they
know you better than I do.

Second, I wonder if you might do well to consider taking a hypnobirthing
class and also a general childbirth education class? I think getting the
information from the general class could be helpful, because as you say
part of the fear is "of the unknown," and the hypnobirthing class may
teach you valuable anti-anxiety/relaxation techniques.

Finally, I would recommend you speak to a counselor, therapist,
psychologist, or whatever. Perhaps there are some other issues here,
perhaps not - but if there are it would be best to uncover them sooner
than later I'd think. Plus, someone like this could also be a valuable
source of relaxation tips.

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large :)

[Nic]

"zolw" > wrote in message
news:sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02...
> Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
> overlook my post & move on to another.
>
> OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!
>
> Well, I always wanted to have kids. When I got pregnant I was surprised
> & excited. As time passes, I think more and more about the day I have to
> give birth. I want them to take her out, but I don't want to actually
> give birth.
>
> I am so horrified of the pain. I am going for an epidural, but somehow I
> do not believe that it will not hurt. I have very low pain tolerance as
> it is (popping a zit for me is like operating on someone without
> anesthesia) My doctor has advised me not to go for a c-section, unless
> necessary. I also don't want to go for the c-section, because of the
> side effects.
>
> When I think about labor & delivery I get anxious. I breath heavily. My
> eyes tear. My heart beats faster. It's a real problem. I know it has
> something to do with pain and with unknown. But I am not really sure
> which part of labor & delivery I am fearing. I will have my husband
> right there next to me & my best friend too. I mean, what more could I
> ask for?
>
> People seem to not want to talk about this with me. I understand that I
> might be acting irrationally, but it doesn't change the fact that this
> is how I feel. I am actually about to cry as I am writing this .. it is
> scary! Even my husband seems to think that I am overreacting (he tries
> to be supportive, but I can sense that he is not really supportive,
> rather obligated). When i say that I am horrified or whatever else
> explaining my fear, most people think that it is just words. Not too
> many people seem to get the extend of my fear, even when I try to
> explain it to them. I really love my child & I want her healthy & out
> there, but I don't want to give birth to her.
>
> How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
> with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
> not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

It could be your hormones are totally out of wack and are making you think
more then you normally would.
Then again it could be something in a past life of some kind. You could just
be thinking yourself to more pain. My great grandma used to say the worse
you think the pain is, the easier labour will be. She said it was some old
wife's tale from her days. I dont know if there is any truth in it, but I
think there is when I think back to my children's births.

I think everyone has a fear of giving birth the first time. I know I did...
I didn't sleep for 3 nights before the day they were to induce me. Once the
inducement started I was like, I was like...ouch..hmmm.....ouch....what
pain... there wasn't much pain... I think I just thought myself more worse
pain that what it was or really is. I found it hard not knowing a lot of
things the first time. Get to know what equipement does what and what
happens after birth, Visit the doctors, hospital, staff, rooms, etc and get
to know what could be done or happen whilst in labour. Including what
injections they may give you or baby, etc. Also read other birth stories to
read that other's do have some pain, lots of pain or lucky like me and
little pain.

The second time around thou was kinda easy. I knew what pain to expect and
what happens, who does what in the labour room etc. It was more a comfort
zone for me. To be pregnant and happy is great and its something you never
want to end, but it does end, sometimes sooner rather then later. Being
pregnant is easy, have a few problems maybe but everything can be fixed,
push the baby out in the world and your stuck with nappy changes, cutting
teeth, or a million other things that children need or want. Looking back
birth was easy!

I carn't really help you but I do understand what you are saying.
(((((((((((((hugs Mona))))))))))))))))
I hope everything goes well for you and baby

Nic
Usually a lurker, sometimes a poster
DD 4yo
DS 16 mo

> I am so sorry for the unorganized format of this message, but my mind is
> unorganized right now.
>
> Thank you
>
> Mona
> due 07-31-04
>

[Mary W.]

Hillary Israeli wrote:

> In <sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02>,
> zolw > wrote:
>
> *OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> *thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> *I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!
>
> Mona,
>
> I would first of all recommend talking to your OB or midwife about this.
> Hopefully he or she would have some advice specific to you because they
> know you better than I do.
>
> Second, I wonder if you might do well to consider taking a hypnobirthing
> class and also a general childbirth education class? I think getting the
> information from the general class could be helpful, because as you say
> part of the fear is "of the unknown," and the hypnobirthing class may
> teach you valuable anti-anxiety/relaxation techniques.

A woman in my birth class did hypnobirthing and was very positive
about it. Mona, you also might want to consider a doula. Someone
who is there *just* for you during the birth, who understands your
fear, and who knows what goes on during a birth (I just had DH
with my first birth and we felt very out of our depth, this next
birth, we'll have a doula).And a general childbirth class may calm
some of your fears, too.

Mary

[Kim E.]

In article <sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02>, says...

> How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
> with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
> not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

I thought I would be terrified of childbirth until I got pregnant, now I
am more irrationally terrified of all the needles that can go along with
it!! Anyway, it has helped me to: read as much as I can about pregnancy
and childbirth, take a childbirth class that goes into a lot of detail
about the emotional/phyical aspects of labor and delivery, and practice
relaxation techniques (this has already helped me in my daily life!).
Remember that childbirth is probly the only time in your life when
discomfort will be for a good reason, rather than an indication that
something is wrong. I would also ditto others suggestion for therapy.

-kim

[Nikki]

zolw wrote:

Oh Mona - I hope you can get this worked out!!.

> OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today,
> cause I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

I like the hypnotherapy suggestion a lot.

I will have my
> husband right there next to me & my best friend too. I mean, what
> more could I ask for?

Bless husbands and best friends. They offer a type of support that is
irreplaceable. I don't think they are always so great at offering pain
management support though. That is a skill. I'd speak with your OB or
Midwife about this and see if they have any recommendations for Doula's.
You need someone to help you manage the labor and keep focused on the 'kind'
of pain. Labor pain is very different because it is suppose to be there, it
is accomplishing something. I found it very hard to keep that focus myself.
When I lost focus of that I was panicky, frightened, and worked against the
contractions instead of with them. I had a good nurse that helped me with
focusing, visualizations, and working with my contractions and not against
them the other time. It made a world of difference even though the two
labors were really quite similar.

I am also wishing you a wildly successful epidural :-)

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)

[Ericka Kammerer]

zolw wrote:

> Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
> overlook my post & move on to another.
>
> OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!
>
> Well, I always wanted to have kids. When I got pregnant I was surprised
> & excited. As time passes, I think more and more about the day I have to
> give birth. I want them to take her out, but I don't want to actually
> give birth.
>
> I am so horrified of the pain. I am going for an epidural, but somehow I
> do not believe that it will not hurt. I have very low pain tolerance as
> it is (popping a zit for me is like operating on someone without
> anesthesia) My doctor has advised me not to go for a c-section, unless
> necessary. I also don't want to go for the c-section, because of the
> side effects.
>
> When I think about labor & delivery I get anxious. I breath heavily. My
> eyes tear. My heart beats faster. It's a real problem. I know it has
> something to do with pain and with unknown. But I am not really sure
> which part of labor & delivery I am fearing. I will have my husband
> right there next to me & my best friend too. I mean, what more could I
> ask for?
>
> People seem to not want to talk about this with me. I understand that I
> might be acting irrationally, but it doesn't change the fact that this
> is how I feel. I am actually about to cry as I am writing this .. it is
> scary! Even my husband seems to think that I am overreacting (he tries
> to be supportive, but I can sense that he is not really supportive,
> rather obligated). When i say that I am horrified or whatever else
> explaining my fear, most people think that it is just words. Not too
> many people seem to get the extend of my fear, even when I try to
> explain it to them. I really love my child & I want her healthy & out
> there, but I don't want to give birth to her.
>
> How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
> with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
> not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?
>
> I am so sorry for the unorganized format of this message, but my mind is
> unorganized right now.
>
> Thank you
>
> Mona
> due 07-31-04
>

[Ericka Kammerer]

zolw wrote:

> Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
> overlook my post & move on to another.
>
> OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!
>
> Well, I always wanted to have kids. When I got pregnant I was surprised
> & excited. As time passes, I think more and more about the day I have to
> give birth. I want them to take her out, but I don't want to actually
> give birth.
>
> I am so horrified of the pain. I am going for an epidural, but somehow I
> do not believe that it will not hurt. I have very low pain tolerance as
> it is (popping a zit for me is like operating on someone without
> anesthesia) My doctor has advised me not to go for a c-section, unless
> necessary. I also don't want to go for the c-section, because of the
> side effects.
>
> When I think about labor & delivery I get anxious. I breath heavily. My
> eyes tear. My heart beats faster. It's a real problem. I know it has
> something to do with pain and with unknown. But I am not really sure
> which part of labor & delivery I am fearing. I will have my husband
> right there next to me & my best friend too. I mean, what more could I
> ask for?
>
> People seem to not want to talk about this with me. I understand that I
> might be acting irrationally, but it doesn't change the fact that this
> is how I feel. I am actually about to cry as I am writing this .. it is
> scary! Even my husband seems to think that I am overreacting (he tries
> to be supportive, but I can sense that he is not really supportive,
> rather obligated). When i say that I am horrified or whatever else
> explaining my fear, most people think that it is just words. Not too
> many people seem to get the extend of my fear, even when I try to
> explain it to them. I really love my child & I want her healthy & out
> there, but I don't want to give birth to her.
>
> How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
> with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
> not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

Panic will do that to you. I don't think it matters
if other people say you're overreacting. Maybe you are,
but it's not like you're just choosing to overreact. Telling
you you're overreacting is hardly a solution, now is it?
I agree that you want to avoid a c-section if at
all possible. It creates additional risks for you, your
baby, and any future babies. And while the odds are that
your delivery would be relatively painless during a c-section,
the recovery may not be, so it's not like you can guarantee
a pain free experience with a c-section.
You are absolutely correct that it is likely the
fear of the unknown that is freaking you out about labor
and delivery. It is important that you take concrete
steps to do something about this, because fear and anxiety
increase your experience of pain. If you go into labor
panicking, you will experience a more painful labor than
if you go into it feeling more calm. Labor hurts. There's
no way around that. There also isn't really anything
responsible you can do that will guarantee that you don't
feel any pain. However, the pain *is* endurable and there
are many ways to cope with the pain, including both
medications and non-pharmacological means of coping with pain.
Some things to do:

1) Hire a doula. You need professional labor support.
Your husband and friend are lovely, I'm sure, but how
much concrete experience do they have? Get a professional
on board. I know it's money, but I suspect it will be
well worth it for you. When your mom asks what you need
for the baby, tell her you need a doula.

2) Start doing *something* to cope with your anxiety.
Meditate. Try guided imagery. Hire a professional
to help with this too, if need be. Don't brush off
this anxiety as something you just have to live with.
Women with high anxiety like this have higher rates
of complications in childbirth. You can help yourself
and your baby by finding ways to lower your anxiety
level. It may be as simple as taking some quiet time
to yourself each day, or you may need significant
professional help to get through it, but do whatever
it takes. You may have complicated issues underlying
your fear of birth, and you will be doing yourself and
your baby a huge favor to deal with them now.

3) Realize that none of this is about pain tolerance. I
don't know that I even believe in "pain tolerance" very
much. Pain is a subjective experience. You don't feel
pain directly. Your experience of pain is mediated by
all sorts of things, including your mental state. When
you are very anxious and have worked yourself up into a
tizzy, things are much more painful than they would be
otherwise. You do not have a "pain tolerance" defect
that makes you constitutionally unable to tolerate
childbirth. You have everything you need to birth your
baby successfully. You just need to learn to deal
with your fears about childbirth. That may not be
simple or easy, but the good news is that it is
*possible*.

You have identified the problem. Now, do something
*effective* about it. Don't let other people pooh-poohing
your fears cause you to do the same. Take yourself
seriously and take some steps. It's really important.

Best wishes,
Ericka

[Ericka Kammerer]

Kim E. wrote:

> I thought I would be terrified of childbirth until I got pregnant, now I
> am more irrationally terrified of all the needles that can go along with
> it!!

Heck, I've been through childbirth three times, and
I fear the needles far more than the birth. I remember each
and every stick during pregnancy vividly (and was mightily
****ed off that I had so many with this last pregnancy).
I wasn't stuck with anything during any of my labors,
thank goodness ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

[Jill]

"zolw" > wrote in message
news:sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02...
> Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
> overlook my post & move on to another.
>
> OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!
>
> Well, I always wanted to have kids. When I got pregnant I was surprised
> & excited. As time passes, I think more and more about the day I have to
> give birth. I want them to take her out, but I don't want to actually
> give birth.
>
> I am so horrified of the pain. I am going for an epidural, but somehow I
> do not believe that it will not hurt. I have very low pain tolerance as
> it is

I completely understand! You sound JUST like me. I hurt- and it was a long
and sometimes stressful and scary labor. I can't promise you that you won't
hurt but I can give you a ray of light----my labor was kind of a small
horror, because I hurt so bad *because* they intentionally let my epidurals
wear off and delayed me getting them replenished. At the end the baby got
stuck and they prepped me for my biggest fear, abdominal surgery- a
c-section. BUT, please hear this--- I'd do it all over again and I don't
even vividly remember the pain anymore...it fades away and you will remember
more of the good stuff.

But your worry is very valid-- what's so bad is you can't be guaranteed the
"unknown" to become "known" and you can't have complete control like you may
want to, of the birth circumstances.....so it's kind of nerve-wracking,
worrying about what will happen. But trust me, it's better not to worry
ahead of time. I did.....and it didn't help at all. It made NO difference
and had no point!

I can also tell you this-- my experience felt worse because I hadn't been
through it before. I may well hurt much more next time if I have another
baby, but I am not worried about it, because I've been there/done that so I
know I can handle it. And that the end will be ok and the pain
forgotten.......

I will also tell you my experience on the epidural, YMMV depending on the
skill of your anesthesiologist and your body.....the epidural is VERY
comfortable...the insertion of the catheter in the back is not that bad at
all and is very quick, and the epidural works so well- I did not hurt at ALL
within just a couple minutes of having the epidural, it was complete relief
of the bad pain for me, with no side effects or unpleasantness. I could tell
when it was wearing off and a couple of times the midwife calld the
anesthesiologist in immediately to let her refill it and in those times, I
never had any remarkable pain...when it starts to wear off you will just
notice you are feeling some cramps when before you felt none...if they take
care of it quickly, you won't hurt. They let mine wear off and made me go an
hour and a half after starting to hurt before having it refilled and that
was like the worst menstrual cramps I ever had- it's just like bad menstrual
cramps....you cramp when you have the contractions and that's when they want
you to push- with no pain relief and when you are hurting bad, you think
pushing will hurt , but pushing relieves the cramps! And also it's not a
steady pain--- it's cramping that comes and goes with contractions so there
IS a break in there. It's not pleasant.....it hurts...I never want a natural
labor, I will want an epidural again, just because I wanted to be
comfortable and totally pain free---not that I couldn't handle it, but to be
pain-free is completely relaxing. Talk to your doctor about this and tell
them ahead of time you want the epidural and discuss it wearing off- if you
have a shorter labor it probably won't be an issue but my labor was 18
hours, and the epidural seemed to wear off every 2 hours exactly. If the
anesthesiologist is good he/she can give you the epidural where you will not
hurt but you can still feel your legs and can still push, and as long as you
can push...they should let you keep the epidural going. I could push as hard
as ever would be needed with my epidural, it's just that my baby got stuck
at my pubic bone. I ripped and they did an episiotomy too and I had a ton of
stitches and I did NOT feel a thing at this point- I had NO pain whatsoever
right after the birth when they were stitching me- I lost a lot of blood,
but didn't feel a thing and was very happy to be pain-free and craning my
neck to see my baby!

Your body may react differently and not everyone's experience will be the
same, I've heard epidural horror stories....and I have heard wonderful
natural labor stories too. That's what so bad- you can't know or control
ahead of time what yours will be but I promise you...it will be ok!

Jill

[Marion Boulden]

"Mary W." wrote:

> Hillary Israeli wrote:
>
> > In <sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02>,
> > zolw > wrote:
> >
> > *OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> > *thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> > *I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!
>
>
> A woman in my birth class did hypnobirthing and was very positive
> about it. Mona, you also might want to consider a doula. Someone
> who is there *just* for you during the birth, who understands your
> fear, and who knows what goes on during a birth (I just had DH
> with my first birth and we felt very out of our depth, this next
> birth, we'll have a doula).And a general childbirth class may calm
> some of your fears, too.
>
> Mary

I second the suggestion of Hypnobirthing. They do an exercise called "Fear
Release" that may be very helpful for you, and the self-hypnosis practice can
dramatically affect how you experience the contractions...
www.hypnobirthing.com (i'm not affiliated with them) . Also, stop listening
to horror stories. For every horrible birth, there are thousands of
uneventful ones, but they don't make as good a story. Don't watch "A Baby
Story" or "Maternity Ward". If someone starts to tell you war stories about
their labor, or someone's they know, stop them and ask if they really *want*
to make you terrified of giving birth.

Marion
EDD 10/16/2004

[Nancy P]

"Mary W." > wrote in message
...
>
>
> A woman in my birth class did hypnobirthing and was very positive
> about it. Mona, you also might want to consider a doula. Someone
> who is there *just* for you during the birth, who understands your
> fear, and who knows what goes on during a birth (I just had DH
> with my first birth and we felt very out of our depth, this next
> birth, we'll have a doula).And a general childbirth class may calm
> some of your fears, too.
>
> Mary
>

I did hypno birthing this last time as well, and it was tremendously better
than my first birth experience. I was totally relaxed, etc. Much better
than when I used Lamaze, and was trying to convince myself that I wasn't in
pain. I used cds ordered from www.leclairemethod.com.

Nancy

[Kim E.]

In article >, says...
> Kim E. wrote:
>
> > I thought I would be terrified of childbirth until I got pregnant, now I
> > am more irrationally terrified of all the needles that can go along with
> > it!!
>
> Heck, I've been through childbirth three times, and
> I fear the needles far more than the birth. I remember each
> and every stick during pregnancy vividly (and was mightily
> ****ed off that I had so many with this last pregnancy).
> I wasn't stuck with anything during any of my labors,
> thank goodness ;-)

I unfortunately am stuck with (no pun intended) a blood clotting
condition for which i am getting daily blood thinner injections. Even
after 4 months of shots, i am still not used to it. I was hoping to
avoid all needles during labor and delivery but I'm not sure i'll be
able to.

-kim

[Alpha]

Mona says:

> OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

It does sound like you have a childbirth phobia; I did too. I had it for
years, maybe even as early as age 10 or so -- basically, as long as I had
been aware of childbirth. It's not the usual first-timer's fear. It
feels like a phobia. When I became pregnant (a planned pregnancy, in
fact), images of childbirth on TV would make me feel anxious and like I
wanted to cry; sometimes I felt trapped by the inevitable. It was
horrible.

Maybe the hypnobirthing and past-life regression suggestions are helpful
to you; maybe you're willing to be open to any avenue that might help;
but I know when I was feeling that phobia, those things would have seemed
too "out there" to be helpful. The way I dealt with my fear was to
search inside myself for my own particular ways of coping. One way was
to hire midwives instead of OBs. Midwives take more time with their
clients and attend to the whole woman, not just the reproductive organs.
They welcomed my husband to every prenatal appointment and *listened*
when I talked about my fear. They reassured me constantly that they
would be there every step of the way and would help me through it. One
recommended the book "Birthing From Within", which I didn't read then but
have read subsequently, and I do think I would have benefitted from it at
that time. I didn't hire a doula but considered it; the reason I didn't
was because I felt that I really just wanted it to be me, DH, and the
midwives.

By the time I went into labor, I was at peace with it and I felt ready.
I had in my mind that I would labor without pain medication for as long
as it felt manageable, and would have an epidural if/when I wanted one.
I ended up having it at 7 cm, but honestly, I didn't really feel at that
point like I needed it; I definitely could have gone on longer without
it. I only got it because I was afraid I'd get past the "point of no
return" and be wanting it but not able to get it anymore.

You aren't the only one who has experienced childbirth phobia, but those
who haven't can't understand what it feels like. But keep thinking it
through; don't shrink from dealing with it, and you'll find your way to
cope. Very best of luck!

-- Alpha
mom to Eamon and Quinn

[Leslie]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way!

You've already gotten some great advice. Here's some of mine:

Are you taking any classes? I think Bradley classes would be great for you.
Maybe if you felt confident in the approach you are taking to cope with labor,
you wouldn't feel so afraid.

I also think you should read some books about childbirth if you haven't
already. Some of my favorites are oldies but goodies like Grantly Dick Read's
Childbirth without Fear and Lamaze's Painless Childbirth and Marjorie Karmel's
Thank You, Dr. Lamaze. I also love Sheila Kitzinger's Experience of
Childbirth. For my first birth, I read those books over and over again till I
was so psyched up I was convinced there would be no pain in labor at all!

Leslie

[Gillian]

> OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!......
> How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
> with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
> not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?


Lots of hugs to you! It took my husband 8 years to talk me into having
a baby.

If I had been born in the 1800's I would've taped my boobs down,
dressed in mens clothes, and spent my life wandering. But I figured
"Hey, it's 2002, the odds are that at least I won't die during
childbirth." I don't mean to be glib, I just want to let you know that
I spent many years feeling the same way you do and I had to do
something about it as I was 30ish and needed to get going if I were
ever going to have a child.

But then I found a book. It's called Spiritual Midwifery. I'm not even
sure how I came across it, but I read it over and over during my
pregnancy and made me feel enourmously optomistic. It's by a woman,
Ina May Gaskins, who founded a place in Tennessee called "The Farm."
It is a commune dedicated to natural birth. OK OK, it's filled with
all kinds of hippie words, but it uses them to describe all of these
stories, from the midwives' point of view, of women giving birth in
the late 60's, miles and miles of dirt road away from running water
and electricity. My favorite term is their word for contractions--she
calls them "rushes."

Now this is not a "feel good" book. Through all of these stories I
learned about all kinds of "pains of childbirth" and what these women
did and how their midwives and husbands and friends helped them. One
little tip I didn't learn in the book, but my doula...

(LOVED HAVING A DOULA! The midwife was great but she had delivered so
many babies that day she was sleeping while I did most of my
laboring.)

Anyway. The only drug I needed was Pitocin, to get the contractions
started (My water was "leaking," and I had dialated 4cm, and I was 40
weeks, anyway.) Side Note: I made sure they stopped the Pitocin before
it got to the point where I was having "slamming" contractions (I
actually had to speak firmly to the nurse about this.) I had read that
there is a danger of making the contractions so hard that I would need
an epidural and the whole thing might end up a C-section--Anyway I'm
digressing--

A great tip I got from my doula was to keep the sounds that came out
of my mouth in the lower registers. For example, a low groan will ease
pain where a high shriek might exacerbate it. She also pushed on my
butt muscles during the later contractions (Glory be.)

Basically, besides that magical book of crazy-brave women, I read
everything I could get my hands on about natural childbirth. I always
figured that once I knew what was really going on I could always opt
for the epidural.

I ended up going for natural. I walked around, sat on the birth ball,
took a shower, ate some applesauce... it was awesome. I didn't have to
wear all of the monitors either, which is a major plus when you're
trying to get comfy and labor. One thing I did ask for was the shunt
(where they prep an IV entry so they can just hook it up,) just in
case things didn't go the way I was hoping.

But it did. I had a 6 hour labor (it would've been longer if my
contractioins had started naturally, of course.) I went from terrified
to cautiously optimistic and I think it was in no small part due to me
educating myself, and surrounding myself with people who's only job
was to care for me.

The payoff is the feeling of the baby sliding out. I've got tears in
my eyes just thinking about it. All of the other physical sensations
of that day have faded away but I don't think I'll ever forget that
moment.

I hope my story helps.
More hugs,
Gillian

[zolw]

Thank you all for replying to my e-mail.

Here are a few things I would like to add to this thread.

- My husband & I have taken all sort of classes to teach us about
pregnancy, child birthing & infants. Unfortunately, classes such as
child birthing classes have helped my husband more than they helped me.
Instead of having knowledge work for me, it worked against me. If it is
mentioned that some minute percentage of women have some sort of
complication, that is all I can remember. I think this is a typical
anxiety thing, I chose to remember or hear only the negative (of course
not on the concious level).

- I also read 2 books about pregnancy and child birthing. They were very
useful in giving me info. Unfortunately, they didn't help reduce the
anxiety.

- I want to add that I am aware of how illogical my fear really is. I
know that every day women have babies all voer the world, many have more
than one child. I know that since I have had a very "boring" pregnancy,
I should not expect any complications during labor. I also realize that
if things do get complicated, I am surrounded by professionals and that
there shouldn't be much of a problem. Still I can not get over my fear.

- Someone had pointed out that I am probably not just scared of the pain
.... in a way I do agree. I think my biggest fear is the fact that I have
no idea what will happen there. I can read, I can watch movies, I can
have my friends and family tell me about their experience, but at the
end of the day I have never been there. It is so scary.

Well, I think that I will eventually work it out. I think that meanwhile
(till I get into labor) I just will have to rely on some comfort or
support from friends and family (if I can get people to actually go there).

I am not comfortable hiring a doula. I think that giving birth si such a
personal thing & I do not want a stranger come in there and be present
(even if she can provide me with support). I know it sounds silly, but
that's how I am.

Thank you all again

[Plissken]

"zolw" > wrote in message
news:cJyyc.86172$Ly.46199@attbi_s01...
> Thank you all for replying to my e-mail.
> I am not comfortable hiring a doula. I think that giving birth si such a
> personal thing & I do not want a stranger come in there and be present
> (even if she can provide me with support). I know it sounds silly, but
> that's how I am.

Keep in mind that if you are giving birth in a hospital there are going to
be all sorts of "strangers" present. I had about 5 nurses coming in and out
during labour and about 4 present while delivering. IMO giving birth in a
hospital really is not a very personal thing. Also, by the time you give
birth a good doula will no longer be a stranger to you as you will have a
had a few meetings with her. I didn't have a doula with my first as my
husband wasn't too interested but I'm putting my foot down with the second
and hiring one!

I was quite freaked out about giving birth as well (not quite as bad as you
though). I am quite the whimp too, stub my toe and I'm on the floor balling.
My mother always told me I would never be able to handle child birth, thanks
Mom! But I made it through with only one shot of Demerol. It was *way*
better than I had imagined it would be. I second the ideas of hypnobirthing
or at least go see a therapist to work through your fears.

Good luck
Nadene

[Ericka Kammerer]

zolw wrote:

> I am not comfortable hiring a doula. I think that giving birth si such a
> personal thing & I do not want a stranger come in there and be present
> (even if she can provide me with support). I know it sounds silly, but
> that's how I am.

But you are going to have all *sorts* of strangers
in there with you! Why not have one whom you've met before
and developed a connection with who can do you some good?

Best wishes,
Ericka

[Leslie]

>- I also read 2 books about pregnancy and child birthing. They were very
>useful in giving me info. Unfortunately, they didn't help reduce the
>anxiety.

What two books did you read? There are very probably books out there that
would be particularly suited to someone like you, and the typical book might
not be it.


>
>- I want to add that I am aware of how illogical my fear really is. I
>know that every day women have babies all voer the world, many have more
>than one child. I know that since I have had a very "boring" pregnancy,
>I should not expect any complications during labor. I also realize that
>if things do get complicated, I am surrounded by professionals and that
>there shouldn't be much of a problem. Still I can not get over my fear.
>
>- Someone had pointed out that I am probably not just scared of the pain
>... in a way I do agree. I think my biggest fear is the fact that I have
>no idea what will happen there. I can read, I can watch movies, I can
>have my friends and family tell me about their experience, but at the
>end of the day I have never been there. It is so scary.
>
>Well, I think that I will eventually work it out. I think that meanwhile
>(till I get into labor) I just will have to rely on some comfort or
>support from friends and family (if I can get people to actually go there).

I really, really think, since as you are aware a phobia is an irrational fear,
that you should try to see a therapist, even though you haven't much time left.
But by all means, keep talking to your husband, family, and friends as well!

>
>I am not comfortable hiring a doula. I think that giving birth si such a
>personal thing & I do not want a stranger come in there and be present
>(even if she can provide me with support). I know it sounds silly, but
>that's how I am.

I don't think it's silly as I have the same concern and don't really feel
comfortable having anyone but my husband around. But do you have a friend or a
family member with whom you feel comfortable who could provide extra supprt if
you need it?

Leslie

[New York Jen]

Your fear is not illogical. Giving birth hurts. No way to avoid that
really. BUT, it's not going to kill you and tell yourself what I kept
telling myself, it's just ONE ****ty day. Also, if it was really that bad,
why would any of us do it more than once?

Every single person out there has been born.

I think it's normal to fear the unknown, especially when people tell you
their horror stories. Try to turn the fear into excitement about your
baby's arrival. I was completely petrified I'd need a C-section. No real
reason, just terrified. I didn't have one either time, but most of my
friends with babies did and they all said it was nothing. Just another
example of fearing something you don't know about until you're actually
there.

Also, once those endorphins kick in, you'll be ready for business!

Good luck, don't be too hard on yourself.

- Jen
top posting cuz baby on boob and can't cut and paste...

"zolw" > wrote in message
news:cJyyc.86172$Ly.46199@attbi_s01...
> Thank you all for replying to my e-mail.
>
> Here are a few things I would like to add to this thread.
>
> - My husband & I have taken all sort of classes to teach us about
> pregnancy, child birthing & infants. Unfortunately, classes such as
> child birthing classes have helped my husband more than they helped me.
> Instead of having knowledge work for me, it worked against me. If it is
> mentioned that some minute percentage of women have some sort of
> complication, that is all I can remember. I think this is a typical
> anxiety thing, I chose to remember or hear only the negative (of course
> not on the concious level).
>
> - I also read 2 books about pregnancy and child birthing. They were very
> useful in giving me info. Unfortunately, they didn't help reduce the
> anxiety.
>
> - I want to add that I am aware of how illogical my fear really is. I
> know that every day women have babies all voer the world, many have more
> than one child. I know that since I have had a very "boring" pregnancy,
> I should not expect any complications during labor. I also realize that
> if things do get complicated, I am surrounded by professionals and that
> there shouldn't be much of a problem. Still I can not get over my fear.
>
> - Someone had pointed out that I am probably not just scared of the pain
> ... in a way I do agree. I think my biggest fear is the fact that I have
> no idea what will happen there. I can read, I can watch movies, I can
> have my friends and family tell me about their experience, but at the
> end of the day I have never been there. It is so scary.
>
> Well, I think that I will eventually work it out. I think that meanwhile
> (till I get into labor) I just will have to rely on some comfort or
> support from friends and family (if I can get people to actually go
there).
>
> I am not comfortable hiring a doula. I think that giving birth si such a
> personal thing & I do not want a stranger come in there and be present
> (even if she can provide me with support). I know it sounds silly, but
> that's how I am.
>
> Thank you all again
>
>

[Jenrose]

"zolw" > wrote in message
news:sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02...
> Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
> overlook my post & move on to another.
>
> OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!
>

Go read non-traumatic birth stories. Watch birth videos where the woman
looks like she's actually enjoying the process. The single most inspiring
birth video I've ever seen (and I've seen a LOT of them) is the documentary,
"A Clear Road to Birth." www.keyframeediting.com

Laura Shanley's Bornfree website (www.ucbirth.com) has some of the most
joyful birth stories (just click the stories button in the middle) I've ever
seen anywhere. I don't care what kind of birth you plan, assisted,
unassisted, hospital, home...these birth stories remind you that birth does
not have to be the torture it's portrayed as in the popular media.

No, I'm not trying to convince anyone they need to go have an unassisted
birth. But I've read a whole lot of birth stories in my life, and these are
the ones that remind me how *good* birth can be, how easy it can be, how
simple. These are the stories that took me from fearful of a repeat of the
confrontational hospital birth experience to actually *wanting* to give
birth again, not just to have a baby, but for the experience of birthing
itself.

Birth does NOT have to be scary. Even if it's painful, the pain does not
have to be scary.

A for-instance...

Today, I had a lot of pain. But as I knew it was pain caused by ovulation,
and that it was temporary and transitory, even though it was pretty intense,
I just rolled with it and carried on with my life. I've had similar
intensity pain where I did NOT know what was causing it, or if it was
normal, and it was almost impossible to cope with. Fear and worry about
something being wrong are huge factors in how much we feel pain as a
problem.

There is a difference, one doula pointed out to me, between pain and agony.
Pain happens because nerves send signals to your brain. Agony happens when
your brain interprets those signals as a big problem. I was in agony during
my miscarriage, because what was going on felt *wrong*. I was never in agony
during my daughter's birth, even though objectively the level of sensation
was stronger. And when my body settled down with the miscarriage to do
something I could understand and interpret, I no longer had trouble coping
with the phsyical side of it--the rhythmic contractions which opened my
cervix were just not that bad, whereas the constant cramping the day before
was just hell. Labor was not hell. Labor was hard work, sometimes painful
hard work.

There is also a difference between pain and suffering. One can be in pain
without actually "suffering"... but suffering can happen even without
physical pain. Most of us think we are afraid of pain, but we are usually
more afraid of suffering...

In my labor with my daughter, I only suffered when I lost faith in my body's
ability to do what it was doing. When I realized that I was truly in labor
and that my daughter was coming and that my body was working, I stopped
suffering and it stopped being anything I categorized as "important" in the
pain department. Fear is truly the enemy here--sometimes you just have to
say, "I don't know what's happening, and I've never felt this before, but I
trust my body and will work with my pain to find what makes it less."

Because pain in labor is truly, I believe, a message to motivate action.
Most women report labor hurts worse lying down. Different shaped pelvises do
better in different positions, so some women may hurt more in a squat while
others feel so much better when they squat. The pain tells you to *move*...
My pain led me to a hands-and-knees position that helped my daughter turn
from posterior. I started walking through contractions--people said I could
rest during...but the pain was worse if I stopped. So I kept walking. And
she came very fast, probably because I was upright so much once she turned.

I figure if I go into labor wanting and expecting someone to "take my pain
away", I'm begging to be able to stop listening to my body's signals. And
I'll be disappointed if it doesn't work "all the way" or if I don't get it
"soon enough"...but if that pain relief slows labor down, or causes
interventions, I may end up with more pain down the road than I would have
had just working with my labor instead of trying to turn the pain off.

Don't get me wrong... I'm no stoic. When I have my period, I take tons of
Ibuprofen, because there's just not a lot I can do to help the process along
and there's no "baby reward" at the end. I have an extraordinarily sensitive
uterus. I feel every damn little thing that happens, from ovulation to
braxton hicks contractions, and most of it is felt as "somewhat painful".
But labor was different, especially active labor. Once I got really into it,
it barely felt like pain at all, because my endorphin levels were *so* high.
And the birth itself was almost orgasmic, it felt so good. Yes, I felt the
so-called "ring of fire". Yes, there were a lot of strong sensations. But I
put my fingers on my daughter's head and felt her so close, that it really
made the pain irrelevant. I would not give up that feeling for anything, and
am so grateful that my mom helped me through the hardest part so I did not
end up using drugs to numb away the "fun" part of labor.

My point is not to say that you should or should not use medication, or
birth in a specific way. My point is that making choices based on fear of
pain... well, wouldn't you rather find ways of reducing that fear? The
epidural is always there if you truly need it. But what if you don't? Or
what if your body is *so* good at birthing that your birth goes so fast you
don't need an epidural?

One friend of mine said that with her first child, she just couldn't see any
good reason for labor to hurt, and she really didn't find labor painful. She
just had no fear. She became an OB nurse later, and saw a lot of really
interventive, scary births. Her next child was a c-section. I really think
it was largly about fear. Most of the time, women are *more* afraid on the
first baby. The second time, even if the first wasn't fun, it's a known
evil, so the fear is less, the pain is less, the labor shorter. Yes, bodies
are better the second time around, but I really think that's not the whole
story.

If I could go back in time and tell my "first time mom" birthing self
anything, it would be, "Your body knows what it needs to do. Quit trying to
push it along and let it be! Don't be afraid of the pain...welcome it in and
work with it, and it will help you birth better, faster and safer."

Jenrose

[Jenrose]

>
> I am not comfortable hiring a doula. I think that giving birth si such a
> personal thing & I do not want a stranger come in there and be present
> (even if she can provide me with support). I know it sounds silly, but
> that's how I am.

I understand this completely--I agree that birth is personal and don't plan
on necessarily having *anyone* there with me, because privacy is important.

BUT.... in the hospital, privacy is minimal. You won't know the nurse ahead
of time. You may or may not get the doc or midwife you've been seeing if
they are not on call. A doula can often be a bridge from that impersonal to
the personal, and can help create a bubble of space around you during the
birth so that your privacy *is* more of a reality. Doulas can really help
buffer you from the worst parts of hospital births. One of the biggest
things I've seen is that in hospital births with doulas, the moms rarely
feel as "out of control" of the situation because they've got someone there
to explain it to them. Even if something bad does happen, because the doula
is not taking care of the "medical" side of things, she's free to explain to
you what is happening and why. This can make a tremendous difference in how
the birth "feels" afterwards, whether you look back at it as a trauma best
forgotten or something you achieved. I've been amazed at how moms who had
really hard things happen in their labors felt really okay about them when
they felt like they'd made informed choices rather than having things shoved
at them.

You do not have to hire a doula in order to have a good birth experience.
And a doula is not a guarantee of a good experience. But the odds are
better...

Jenrose

[Sarah Vaughan]

In message <sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02>, zolw >
writes
>How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
>with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they
>are not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

Because you're not a robot, and if you were you wouldn't be having this
baby. Nobody can possibly work on logic all the time, and this happens
to be a time when you're not working on logic. Please - don't be so
hard on yourself about that.

Yes, there are lots of women who give birth without freaking out, but
there are also a lot more than you'd think who _do_ freak out. Most
people have some sort of totally irrational fear, and there are a lot of
women whose irrational fear happens to be childbirth. Most people don't
realise just how common a childbirth phobia is, because it's the kind of
thing people want to gloss over or not talk about - after all,
everything's supposed to be all happy and shiny and wonderful for
mums-to-be/new mums, isn't it? But this sort of phobia _is_ common.
Some people claim it's getting more common, but personally I doubt that
- I think it's probably just getting more acceptable to voice these
sorts of fears (plus, elective caesarean section now gives women an
alternative option that they just didn't have before - and, yes, I agree
with your stance on wanting to avoid this if possible).

The good news is that there are also many, many women who feel like this
and who have managed to give birth successfully despite their fear - and
who feel stronger and better for the experience. I'm not sure how you
could go about finding some to talk to, but if you can manage this it
would probably be helpful.

Other people have made some good suggestions. The only one that I would
really have my doubts about is the suggestion to go to a
past-life-regression hypnotherapist. There is quite a bit of evidence
that the 'past lives' people remember under hypnotherapy are due to (1)
people dredging up subconscious memories of books they once read/TV
programmes they once watched and piecing these together into experiences
that they 'remember' having had, and (2) suggestions implanted (probably
unintentionally) by the hypnotherapist. It's the second of these two
possibilities that worries me. I can see that past-life-regression is
probably helpful for quite a few people, in that it gives them a chance
to frame your worries in some symbolic way that they can then maybe deal
with more easily, but I do worry about the damage that an unqualified or
even an unscrupulous hypnotherapist could do by implanting suggestions
in the mind of someone who's in a fragile state for starters.

With the above in mind, I'd say that if you go to _any_ hypnotherapist,
make sure they're properly certified. Come to think of it, I actually
have no idea what the certification body is for hypnotherapists, or even
if there is one. If there isn't, it might be better to steer clear of
that route altogether, because you won't really have any way of knowing
whether the one you're going to is a good one or a dud. This may well
mean throwing the baby out with the bathwater, but so be it. What it's
probably best to look for in a hypnotherapist is someone who will teach
you how to try the techniques on yourself, rather than someone who will
insist on putting you under and managing the session the way they want
to.

Other thoughts:-

Whoever your care provider is, whether it's a midwife or a doctor, make
sure that they're sympathetic to your fears and prepared to listen and
offer support. If not, ask if they can recommend you someone who is
prepared to do so and who has experience of helping women with this sort
of phobia. Bear in mind that this may mean ditching not just the
unsympathetic jerk who tells you to shape up and stop making a fuss, but
also the well-meaning person who thinks that telling you everything is
going to be fine and not to worry about it will somehow magically stop
you from worrying (it won't).

Try to think as specifically as possible about what's scaring you.
You've mentioned two very good reasons for being scared - pain and fear
of the unknown - but those are generalities. Go through your mental
image of what labour is going to be like, in as much detail as you can -
going into labour, going to the hospital, what you imagine it'll be like
in the hospital, what you picture happening when you think about labour.
Write down any thought that pops into your head about what's scaring
you. Don't worry about whether or not it sounds silly - I can guarantee
you that lots of women, probably including me, have had thoughts and
worries that sound just as 'silly' or even more so. The thing about
fears and phobias is that they aren't logical. But try to keep it as
specific as you can. For example, instead of writing "I'm scared of the
pain", write down "I'm scared that I won't be able to handle the pain
and people will think badly of me" or "I'm scared that the pain will
make me feel out of control" or whatever your particular thoughts and
worries are. That way, you'll have a list of worries to discuss with
your care provider, your therapist if you get one, and, if you like,
with us on here.

You mentioned in a later post that it doesn't help you to hear that
complications are rare, because you immediately start thinking about
what it'll be like _if_ they happen. I get that - when I'm scared of
something, sometimes what I need is not to be told that everything will
be just fine (when I know damn well that nobody can give me any
guarantees that it will be) but that I will be able to cope even if it
isn't just fine. With that in mind - would it be at all helpful for you
to take the opposite approach and find out as much as possible about how
other women have coped with complications, so that you feel more capable
of doing so yourself? I know that's advice that could backfire, so
_please_ ignore it if you don't think it'll work for you - everybody is
different. I only know that although people have told me to steer clear
of the horror stories about childbirth and focus on the positive ones,
I've actually found it helpful to read some horror stories, in that it
leaves me thinking "Well, that must be as bad as it gets, so if she
survived it, surely I can too". Just a thought.

Good luck, and please keep posting your fears here if you feel it would
help at all.


All the best,

Sarah

--
"I once requested an urgent admission for a homeopath who had become depressed
and taken a massive underdose" - Phil Peverley

[Andrea]

"zolw" wrote in message ...

> OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!
>
>> Mona
> due 07-31-04
>
Mona it is a phobia - it's called Tokophobia. Here is a link for you...

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/press/preleases/pr/pr_055.htm


I have given birth 5 times, and the fear din't get any easier, which I think
wore me out.

Good luck!

Andrea mom of 5.

[Gillian]

> "zolw" > wrote in message
> news:sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02...
> > Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
> > overlook my post & move on to another.
> >
> > OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> > thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
> > I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!
> >
>
> And the birth itself was almost orgasmic, it felt so good. Yes, I felt the
> so-called "ring of fire". Yes, there were a lot of strong sensations. But I
> put my fingers on my daughter's head and felt her so close, that it really
> made the pain irrelevant.

>Don't be afraid of the pain...welcome it in and
> work with it, and it will help you birth better, faster and safer."
>
> Jenrose

OK. I wasn't going to bring up the "ring of fire" :)
But that was quite a surprise for me. Gives new meaning to the song!
As a matter of fact, when they told me I could reach down and feel her
head I said "No!" I was afraid I would find out she was only crowning
and I much preferred to think she was already 1/2 way out. Kind of
silly, huh?

Zolw, you mentioned privacy as a concern--something very surprising
happened while I was birthing--I really didn't give a sh*t who was in
the room. No one but my husband and a few prior partners had ever even
seen my boobs, much less my vagina. My gown was 1/2 off, my butt was
high in the air. My midwife had her finger on my anus (to stop any
flying poo I imagine,) and I was just in heaven anyway--although I did
have to tell her that I found her finger slightly distracting while I
was pushing. We solved that by having me roll onto my back which
worked out great.

My sister actually declined the invite to be in the birth room. She
gets grossed out if someone blows their nose in her presence but she
did not leave the end of the bed once during the entire labor! Prior
to the birth I would never have been so candid, GOOD GRACIOUS! But now
I've got pictures posted on the internet. No, the scene is not
"attractive" in the conventional sense--but it is certainly magical!!
I figure my baby's out and healthy!! And who am I trying to impress
anyway!
http://garnet.acns.fsu.edu/%7Egac8629/milyema/birth_ltd_site/index.htm

But back to the doula vs. privacy. I did have a doula I knew, and
that certainly helped the trust levels, but what was so great was she
could explain stuff to me in between visits to the midwife. And she
also helped me write out my birth plan. It helped me be a better
client to the midwife. Also, no one really becomes a doula without a
passion for the work and the clients. You're bound to be in good
hands. Sometimes you can even get a doula that's actually trained as a
lay-midwife. It's like having 2 professionals in the room. Can't beat
that! You may want to ask your doctor to recommend a few people as
it's helpful for the pros to have already established some kind of
working relationship. But don't be afraid to hire someone they don't
know. She is there to advocate for you.

One more thing: If you're birth is progressing quickly, and you're
already pretty dialated by the time you get to the hospital, you might
want to opt for a little painkiller just to keep your head in order (I
forget the name of it, but there is something that's OK for the
situation) and forget about the epidural. One of my friends recently
called to tell me she got the epidural, but in the 30 or so minutes it
took for it to kick in, the baby came out. Of course, she was on her
fourth kid, but who knows... You may just have the kind of body that
births easily.

In any event. I wish you well. When is your due date? So I can send
you good thoughts.
~Gilli-o

[Andrea]

"Gillian" > wrote in message
m...
> > "zolw" > wrote in message
> > news:sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02...
> > > Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
> > > overlook my post & move on to another.
> > >
> > > OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
> > > thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today,
cause
> > > I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!
> > >
> >
> > And the birth itself was almost orgasmic, it felt so good. Yes, I felt
the
> > so-called "ring of fire". Yes, there were a lot of strong sensations.
But I
> > put my fingers on my daughter's head and felt her so close, that it
really
> > made the pain irrelevant.
>
> >Don't be afraid of the pain...welcome it in and
> > work with it, and it will help you birth better, faster and safer."
> >
> > Jenrose
>
> OK. I wasn't going to bring up the "ring of fire" :)
> But that was quite a surprise for me. Gives new meaning to the song!
> As a matter of fact, when they told me I could reach down and feel her
> head I said "No!" I was afraid I would find out she was only crowning
> and I much preferred to think she was already 1/2 way out. Kind of
> silly, huh?
>
> Zolw, you mentioned privacy as a concern--something very surprising
> happened while I was birthing--I really didn't give a sh*t who was in
> the room. No one but my husband and a few prior partners had ever even
> seen my boobs, much less my vagina. My gown was 1/2 off, my butt was
> high in the air. My midwife had her finger on my anus (to stop any
> flying poo I imagine,) and I was just in heaven anyway--although I did
> have to tell her that I found her finger slightly distracting while I
> was pushing. We solved that by having me roll onto my back which
> worked out great.
>
> My sister actually declined the invite to be in the birth room. She
> gets grossed out if someone blows their nose in her presence but she
> did not leave the end of the bed once during the entire labor! Prior
> to the birth I would never have been so candid, GOOD GRACIOUS! But now
> I've got pictures posted on the internet. No, the scene is not
> "attractive" in the conventional sense--but it is certainly magical!!
> I figure my baby's out and healthy!! And who am I trying to impress
> anyway!
> http://garnet.acns.fsu.edu/%7Egac8629/milyema/birth_ltd_site/index.htm


It says 08/24/04? DOB?

Nice pics.


I won't be photograped till after.
Andrea mom of 5.

[Gillian]

> http://garnet.acns.fsu.edu/%7Egac8629/milyema/birth_ltd_site/index.htm
>
>
> It says 08/24/04? DOB?

Whoops. DOB '03
>
> Nice pics.
>
>
> I won't be photograped till after.
> Andrea mom of 5.

[Gillian]

> >
> >> Mona
> > due 07-31-04
> >
> Mona it is a phobia - it's called Tokophobia. Here is a link for you...
>
> http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/press/preleases/pr/pr_055.htm
>
> I have given birth 5 times, and the fear din't get any easier, which I think
> wore me out.
>
> Good luck!
>
> Andrea mom of 5.

Wow. Excellant link, Andrea!
Mona, I'll you'll be in my thoughts and prayers around your due date and thereafter.

Gillian

[zolw]

My due date is 07-31-04 & yeah please do send me good thoughts.

I am so thankful for all the messages I got so far. I think that this
thread has been helpful for me emotionally. I am a stubborn woman & I
know that I will not take some of the advises, but it is nice to see how
others dealt with their fear and tohave choices open for me. :)

Thank you all.
>
> In any event. I wish you well. When is your due date? So I can send
> you good thoughts.
> ~Gilli-o

[Sarah Vaughan]

In message <aClzc.105836$Ly.52236@attbi_s01>, zolw >
writes
>My due date is 07-31-04 & yeah please do send me good thoughts.
>
>I am so thankful for all the messages I got so far. I think that this
>thread has been helpful for me emotionally. I am a stubborn woman & I
>know that I will not take some of the advises,

Good! Much healthier to think about what's right or wrong for you than
to just blindly stumble along doing whatever anybody else suggests. ;-)

> but it is nice to see how others dealt with their fear and tohave
>choices open for me. :)

Lots of luck with it all, and I for one look forward to hearing how you
got on!


All the best,

Sarah

--
"I once requested an urgent admission for a homeopath who had become depressed
and taken a massive underdose" - Phil Peverley