[Joke] Parenting Your P.C.
 

PARENTING YOUR P.C.
Had it up to here with troublesome technology? Keep your cool with Bev
Robitaille's crash course in electronic guardianship.

"How many times do I have to tell you? No, it's not 'OK'!" But, like a
moody teenager, the darned computer closes the program anyway, with a
defiant gleam in the corner of the screen. Everyone knows the
frustration of dealing with stubborn, unresponsive computers - the
tears and tantrums are upsetting for all involved. The only way to
handle technological hitches is to be strong and take control, so
here's how to be a good PC parent.

Avoid Yelling
Try not to shout at your computer when it makes you cross. Tell it
quietly and calmly what it did wrong and why that made you angry. Focus
on what it *did*, not what it is. Sit close to the screen, make strong
eye contact, and explain firmly what you need it to do.

Take Time Out
Discipline your misbehaving PC with short time outs. After a quiet
explanation, remove the computer's electricity privileges for five
minutes - but be prepared for the silent treatment and blank looks.
When you switch the power back on, it'll know you mean business and
will perform properly.

Don't Smack
Modern research shows smacking or hitting your PC doesn't help and can
actually do more damage. When the urge to hurt your computer becomes
uncontrollable, walk away to give yourself a chance to cool down.
Physical punishment for program crashes is inappropriate, and won't
teach your PC to behave. And remember - never shake a laptop.

Get Help
When you feel frustrated and overwhelmed by your PC's infuriating
behaviour, try a helpline for support and advice. Or invite a friend
over, take a break and leave your annoying technology with someone
trustworthy. You don't have to deal with this alone.

Beware of Bugs
Your computer may be acting up because it's infected with something
nasty. make sure you run a virus check before you take disciplinary
action. Sluggish behaviour can be a symptom of worms. Check online to
find and administer the correct treatment.

Watch for Smoke Signals
Smoking can be an indication of a serious underlying problem, and
should not be ignored. Question your PC closely to find out the source
of the smoke, then call in a professional to deal with it. It may well
be a desperate cry for attention.

Just Say 'No'
It's natural to be curious about drugs, and you'll often find
unexpected advertisements for them hidden among your emails. Just
delete them patiently and wait for the phase to pass.

Spend Quality Time
Don't let your PC feel that all you do is grumble at it, or that life
is all about work. Spend a few minutes each day doing things you both
enjoy. Playing games will let your computer know you care. Make sure
the people around you respect your right to have significant non-work
contact time.

Reward Achievable Goals
Promise your computer that when it finishes the task you've set, you'll
give it something nice - a new DVD drive, or bigger speakers.

Praise Excellence
Commend your PC when it performs well. A friendly pat and a comment
like, "It's a pleasure to see you work like that," will help build a
strong relationship. Pay attention to good behaviour, not crashes and
malfunctions. It will soon stop losing vital folders if you don't take
any notice. For a long-term reward for trouble-free co-operation, visit
an online store where your computer can choose a gadget you'll both
enjoy.

Remember, you and your computer spend a lot of time together. You need
each other. Try to make it work.


- Next, February 2008
(New Zealand magazine)