From 1998 - The Death of Common Sense
 

The Death of Common Sense
By Lori Borgman


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Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning
the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.

His obituary reads as follows:

Common Sense, aka C.S., lived a long life, but died from heart failure at
the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his birth
records were long ago entangled in miles and miles of bureaucratic red tape.
Known affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound Thinking,
he selflessly devoted himself to a life of service in homes, schools,
hospitals and offices, helping folks get jobs done without a lot of fanfare,
whooping and hollering. Rules and regulations and petty, frivolous lawsuits
held no power over C.S.

A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to know
when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird gets the
worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet. C.S. also developed sound
financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting
strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent dietary plans
(offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and orange juice).

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the
Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived sundry
cultural and educational trends including disco, the men's movement, body
piercing, whole language and new math.

C.S.'s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected
with the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus. In the following decades his waning
strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal and state
rules and regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was sapped of
strength and the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband,
criminals received better treatment than victims and judges stuck their
noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional baseball and golf. His
deterioration accelerated as schools implemented zero-tolerance policies.
Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing
classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig of Scope mouthwash after
lunch, girls suspended for possessing Midol and an honor student expelled
for having a table knife in her school lunch were more than his heart could
endure.

As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was
kept informed of developments regarding regulations on low-flow toilets and
mandatory air bags. Finally, upon hearing about a government plan to ban
inhalers from 14 million asthmatics due to a trace of a pollutant that may
be harmful to the environment, C.S. breathed his last. Services will be at
Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded in death by his wife,
Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason. He is
survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit.

Memorial Contributions may be sent to the Institute for Rational Thought.

Farewell, Common Sense. May you rest in peace.



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Note from Lori Borgman: This piece was first published March 15, 1998 in
the Indianapolis Star. It has been "modified" and "edited" by others and
circulated on the Internet, even sent to me several times. Imagine my
surprise to see it attributed to some guy named Anonymous. If imitation is
the sincerest form of flattery, I take having my work circulated on the web
as a compliment.