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Name change because parent not visiting child
I have the sole physical custody of my minor child with the father
having the usual visitaion rights. I am a citizen of state of Georgia. The father does provide child support. But he refuses to have any relationship with his son. In these circumstances, it is very traumatic for my child to bear his father's last name when he has never seen him. Can I change his last name to my last name without the father's approval. Since the father hasn't visited my child in over an year, can this be considered abandonment. And can abandonment be a reason enough for me to file for name change of my son. At the same time I do no want to lose child support. Please suggest avenues for his name change. Thanks in advance. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
wrote: I have the sole physical custody of my minor child with the father having the usual visitaion rights. I am a citizen of state of Georgia. The father does provide child support. But he refuses to have any relationship with his son. In these circumstances, it is very traumatic for my child to bear his father's last name when he has never seen him. Can I change his last name to my last name without the father's approval. Since the father hasn't visited my child in over an year, can this be considered abandonment. And can abandonment be a reason enough for me to file for name change of my son. At the same time I do no want to lose child support. Please suggest avenues for his name change. Thanks in advance. That would depend on your individual state, but I find it hard to imagine the court allowing any father off the hook for child support for any reason other than adoption. Generally the courts want a child to have the benifits of two adults providing for them reguardless of the personality issues between the two adults. If he contests the name change you likley would have to provide evidence that it is in the childs best interest. Some courts assume that a fit parent's decision is by definition in the child's best interest and some require more substantial proof. You might find out before filing (and before telling your ex) what the requirements are and what documents he could use your name on without crossing the line. This is not legal advice, if you want legal advice talk to a lawyer. etc. etc. etc. Ghostwriter |
Name change because parent not visiting child
Thanks Ghost writer. I live in Georgia.
My ex and I do not have personality issues or anything. He just doesnt want to do anything with his son because he choses not to tell the world (and his girlfriends) that he has a son. I dont have a problem with it...we are divorced now. But I am concerned about this name thing affecting my child who feels strange because he has never met this person who shares his last name. It's just sad. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
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Name change because parent not visiting child
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Name change because parent not visiting child
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Name change because parent not visiting child
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Name change because parent not visiting child
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Name change because parent not visiting child
"Temily" wrote in message ups.com... wrote: But I am concerned about this name thing affecting my child who feels strange because he has never met this person who shares his last name. It's just sad. Seems to me that if you get the papers to change his name (the father will need to sign) and the father objects then there'd be good reason to open the case for him paying C-S. If he doesn't care about being his father, perhaps he won't care that his son has his name changed by deed poll. I've had a few students in the past who have been known at school under their preferred name, (ie their preferred name was on their books, labelling etc) but use their legal name for legal things. Exactly. All they have to do is use whatever name they choose; obviously the mother's name. What's the big deal? Temily |
Name change because parent not visiting child
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Name change because parent not visiting child
"CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... wrote: I have the sole physical custody of my minor child with the father having the usual visitaion rights. I am a citizen of state of Georgia. The father does provide child support. But he refuses to have any relationship with his son. In these circumstances, it is very traumatic for my child to bear his father's last name when he has never seen him. Can I change his last name to my last name without the father's approval. Since the father hasn't visited my child in over an year, can this be considered abandonment. And can abandonment be a reason enough for me to file for name change of my son. At the same time I do no want to lose child support. Please suggest avenues for his name change. Thanks in advance. Your situation might be different but a lot of fathers dont visit because they feel that they themselves are the enemy. Wouldn't their own feelings be their own problem? Why inflict them on a child? |
Name change because parent not visiting child
Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... wrote: I have the sole physical custody of my minor child with the father having the usual visitaion rights. I am a citizen of state of Georgia. The father does provide child support. But he refuses to have any relationship with his son. In these circumstances, it is very traumatic for my child to bear his father's last name when he has never seen him. Can I change his last name to my last name without the father's approval. Since the father hasn't visited my child in over an year, can this be considered abandonment. And can abandonment be a reason enough for me to file for name change of my son. At the same time I do no want to lose child support. Please suggest avenues for his name change. Thanks in advance. Your situation might be different but a lot of fathers dont visit because they feel that they themselves are the enemy. Wouldn't their own feelings be their own problem? Why inflict them on a child? I guess you have to ask why many fathers feel that way. Could it be that they are treated like dirt by the system? Maybe they are constantly berated by the mothers making them feel like an unwelcome visitors? Isnt it the gentlemen thing to do is not visit if you are not welcome? And still pay. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
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Name change because parent not visiting child
"CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... wrote: I have the sole physical custody of my minor child with the father having the usual visitaion rights. I am a citizen of state of Georgia. The father does provide child support. But he refuses to have any relationship with his son. In these circumstances, it is very traumatic for my child to bear his father's last name when he has never seen him. Can I change his last name to my last name without the father's approval. Since the father hasn't visited my child in over an year, can this be considered abandonment. And can abandonment be a reason enough for me to file for name change of my son. At the same time I do no want to lose child support. Please suggest avenues for his name change. Thanks in advance. Your situation might be different but a lot of fathers dont visit because they feel that they themselves are the enemy. Wouldn't their own feelings be their own problem? Why inflict them on a child? I guess you have to ask why many fathers feel that way. Could it be that they are treated like dirt by the system? Maybe they are constantly berated by the mothers making them feel like an unwelcome visitors? Isnt it the gentlemen thing to do is not visit if you are not welcome? And still pay. There's nothing gentlemanly about walking away from your children. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... wrote: I have the sole physical custody of my minor child with the father having the usual visitaion rights. I am a citizen of state of Georgia. The father does provide child support. But he refuses to have any relationship with his son. In these circumstances, it is very traumatic for my child to bear his father's last name when he has never seen him. Can I change his last name to my last name without the father's approval. Since the father hasn't visited my child in over an year, can this be considered abandonment. And can abandonment be a reason enough for me to file for name change of my son. At the same time I do no want to lose child support. Please suggest avenues for his name change. Thanks in advance. Your situation might be different but a lot of fathers dont visit because they feel that they themselves are the enemy. Wouldn't their own feelings be their own problem? Why inflict them on a child? I guess you have to ask why many fathers feel that way. Could it be that they are treated like dirt by the system? Maybe they are constantly berated by the mothers making them feel like an unwelcome visitors? Isnt it the gentlemen thing to do is not visit if you are not welcome? And still pay. There's nothing gentlemanly about walking away from your children. Tell that to the fathers who weren't gentlemen and now have restraining orders. And btw, what does being an occasional visitor have to do with being a father? |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"CasualObserver" wrote in message ps.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... wrote: I have the sole physical custody of my minor child with the father having the usual visitaion rights. I am a citizen of state of Georgia. The father does provide child support. But he refuses to have any relationship with his son. In these circumstances, it is very traumatic for my child to bear his father's last name when he has never seen him. Can I change his last name to my last name without the father's approval. Since the father hasn't visited my child in over an year, can this be considered abandonment. And can abandonment be a reason enough for me to file for name change of my son. At the same time I do no want to lose child support. Please suggest avenues for his name change. Thanks in advance. Your situation might be different but a lot of fathers dont visit because they feel that they themselves are the enemy. Wouldn't their own feelings be their own problem? Why inflict them on a child? I guess you have to ask why many fathers feel that way. Could it be that they are treated like dirt by the system? Maybe they are constantly berated by the mothers making them feel like an unwelcome visitors? Isnt it the gentlemen thing to do is not visit if you are not welcome? And still pay. There's nothing gentlemanly about walking away from your children. Tell that to the fathers who weren't gentlemen and now have restraining orders. And btw, what does being an occasional visitor have to do with being a father? Gosh, Cas, what's the matter with you? A GENTLEMAN visits his child "when ordered" (by the court or by mommy.) Visiting the child has NOTHING to do with being a father. PAYING CHILD SUPPORT is what makes a man a father. Don't you know that? |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"teachrmama" wrote in message ... "CasualObserver" wrote in message ps.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... wrote: I have the sole physical custody of my minor child with the father having the usual visitaion rights. I am a citizen of state of Georgia. The father does provide child support. But he refuses to have any relationship with his son. In these circumstances, it is very traumatic for my child to bear his father's last name when he has never seen him. Can I change his last name to my last name without the father's approval. Since the father hasn't visited my child in over an year, can this be considered abandonment. And can abandonment be a reason enough for me to file for name change of my son. At the same time I do no want to lose child support. Please suggest avenues for his name change. Thanks in advance. Your situation might be different but a lot of fathers dont visit because they feel that they themselves are the enemy. Wouldn't their own feelings be their own problem? Why inflict them on a child? I guess you have to ask why many fathers feel that way. Could it be that they are treated like dirt by the system? Maybe they are constantly berated by the mothers making them feel like an unwelcome visitors? Isnt it the gentlemen thing to do is not visit if you are not welcome? And still pay. There's nothing gentlemanly about walking away from your children. Tell that to the fathers who weren't gentlemen and now have restraining orders. And btw, what does being an occasional visitor have to do with being a father? Gosh, Cas, what's the matter with you? A GENTLEMAN visits his child "when ordered" (by the court or by mommy.) Visiting the child has NOTHING to do with being a father. PAYING CHILD SUPPORT is what makes a man a father. Don't you know that? It's all about women wanting to control men's behavior - One father is a bad father because he visits the child but doesn't pay CS. The next father is a bad father because he pays but doesn't visit the child. Some fathers are considered bad fathers regardless of what they do. Why do some women feel so qualified to define what good fathering means? The OP has her own issues and I'm somewhat surprised no one has confronted her yet. Why is she so concerned about the child's last name when she is the one who provided the input for the name on the child's birth certificate? Does she have a different last name from the child? Was she ever married to the child's father and changed her name, or was she just another "single mother" who never bothered to marry the child's father? Is she trying to avoid her own past and why? |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"Bob Whiteside" wrote .......................... The OP has her own issues and I'm somewhat surprised no one has confronted her yet. Why is she so concerned about the child's last name when she is the one who provided the input for the name on the child's birth certificate? Does she have a different last name from the child? Was she ever married to the child's father and changed her name, or was she just another "single mother" who never bothered to marry the child's father? Is she trying to avoid her own past and why? == Well, I think the mother who was whining about her son going to live with his dad and laid all kinds of guilt on the child trumps this one as scoundrel mother of the year. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
teachrmama wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message ps.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... wrote: I have the sole physical custody of my minor child with the father having the usual visitaion rights. I am a citizen of state of Georgia. The father does provide child support. But he refuses to have any relationship with his son. In these circumstances, it is very traumatic for my child to bear his father's last name when he has never seen him. Can I change his last name to my last name without the father's approval. Since the father hasn't visited my child in over an year, can this be considered abandonment. And can abandonment be a reason enough for me to file for name change of my son. At the same time I do no want to lose child support. Please suggest avenues for his name change. Thanks in advance. Your situation might be different but a lot of fathers dont visit because they feel that they themselves are the enemy. Wouldn't their own feelings be their own problem? Why inflict them on a child? I guess you have to ask why many fathers feel that way. Could it be that they are treated like dirt by the system? Maybe they are constantly berated by the mothers making them feel like an unwelcome visitors? Isnt it the gentlemen thing to do is not visit if you are not welcome? And still pay. There's nothing gentlemanly about walking away from your children. Tell that to the fathers who weren't gentlemen and now have restraining orders. And btw, what does being an occasional visitor have to do with being a father? Gosh, Cas, what's the matter with you? A GENTLEMAN visits his child "when ordered" (by the court or by mommy.) Visiting the child has NOTHING to do with being a father. PAYING CHILD SUPPORT is what makes a man a father. Don't you know that? I do know and must say that I've been a model payer for many years now and hope to achieve the NCP of the year award sometime. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
ghostwriter wrote: wrote: Thanks Ghost writer. I live in Georgia. My ex and I do not have personality issues or anything. He just doesnt want to do anything with his son because he choses not to tell the world (and his girlfriends) that he has a son. I dont have a problem with it...we are divorced now. But I am concerned about this name thing affecting my child who feels strange because he has never met this person who shares his last name. It's just sad. Personally, if you have the money an hour with an attorney would be best. If not I would likley file for the name change since he doesnt really seem to care. I cant imainge a way that a judge could use to make that sufficient reason to terminate child support and I suspect that the judge would be very annoyed if your ex tried that tactic. But judges dont necessarily need reasons so thats why I suggest seeing the lawyer. If your ex allows the name change it would be an admission that he wants nothing to do with his son, but his financial obligations have nothing to do with his failure to meet personal obligations to his son. Ghostwriter The mother asking for the name change is an admission by her that she doesn't want the father to have anything to do with his son. I can't imagine that it would be held against him if he cooperates. And if he's not visiting maybe she has done something really bad to the father. So if you want to continue making accusations like a typical anti-father child-support services shill, then let's go... |
Name change because parent not visiting child
Dear Divorced,
I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. It wouldn't be a problem unless someone was making a big deal out of it (i.e. YOU). Heck, we have class lists for our kids, and its pretty common to have several surnames in one "family" and no one thinks anything of it (i.e., blended families, kids being raised by grandma etc. etc. ) I was well into my teens before it occured to me that my mother was born with a different name, much less that she took someone else's surname...much less that she might want to dump that name. I just don't buy that a kid could be traumatised by their birth surname. I could see it if the Dad was some notorious heinous creep with a distinctive surname that made the kid a magnet for teasing. But just because Dad is an immature jerk - nah, I can't see the purpose of trying to deliberately shut him out of kiddo's life in any way. Dad is making a mistake by not involving himself in his son's life, but take the high road, and don't do anything to give him an excuse why he's being such a schmuck. Leave the door wide open. M |
Name change because parent not visiting child
wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
Moon Shyne wrote: wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. Maybe as she got older she started sounding a lot like her mother and he faded away in disgust. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"CasualObserver" wrote in message ups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. Maybe as she got older she started sounding a lot like her mother and he faded away in disgust. Nah - he abandoned these kids in exactly the same way he abandoned his kids from his first marriage (I'm ex-wife number 3) |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"CasualObserver" wrote Moon Shyne wrote: wrote Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. Maybe as she got older she started sounding a lot like her mother and he faded away in disgust. == Or the mother manipulated the relationship between father and child in such a bizarre manner that it became in the best interest of the children to not subject them to such hideousness. Sadly, the children may never know how much their father loved them and how broken his heart was when he had to make the decision to bow out. Just a thought. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Back to the point I made earlier - Why did you change your married name back to your family name? Didn't the fact you (or any other mother) changes her name back to her maiden name cause the child to want to do the same thing to be accepted by the mother? If a mother retains her married name doesn't that send a signal to the child having the same last name as their father is no big deal? If I am not reading this right I'm sure you'll let me. Then the question becomes why would a child want to use her mother's maiden name if mom is still using her married name. Doesn't that cause even more confusion for the child? Despite all the denials to the contrary, I think the mother is driving the name change process by how she deals with her own legal last name. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message ups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. Maybe as she got older she started sounding a lot like her mother and he faded away in disgust. Nah - he abandoned these kids in exactly the same way he abandoned his kids from his first marriage (I'm ex-wife number 3) He should give up a and go for a mail order bride from the Phillipines |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Did she graduate last year? Wow! They sure grow up fast! Is she doing ok now? |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message ups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. Maybe as she got older she started sounding a lot like her mother and he faded away in disgust. Nah - he abandoned these kids in exactly the same way he abandoned his kids from his first marriage (I'm ex-wife number 3) He should give up a and go for a mail order bride from the Phillipines Well, sure, if she's willing to be ex wife #4, I suppose |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Back to the point I made earlier - Why did you change your married name back to your family name? I didn't. Didn't the fact you (or any other mother) changes her name back to her maiden name cause the child to want to do the same thing to be accepted by the mother? I don't know - I didn't change my last name back. If a mother retains her married name doesn't that send a signal to the child having the same last name as their father is no big deal? Apparently not, since I retained my married name. If I am not reading this right I'm sure you'll let me. Then the question becomes why would a child want to use her mother's maiden name if mom is still using her married name. Doesn't that cause even more confusion for the child? Nope - she knows exactly who she is. She chooses to use my family name because she feels no affinity to her father, or his family. Perhaps if any of them had shown any interest in her, she might have felt differently. Despite all the denials to the contrary, I think the mother is driving the name change process by how she deals with her own legal last name. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Did she graduate last year? Wow! They sure grow up fast! Is she doing ok now? Nope, the school was merely looking forward. She's a sophomore this year. She's doing better, but there will be life-long repercussions from the attack last year. Apparently, an attack like she sustained causes permanent changes in the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls a fear reaction. Once changed, it never goes back :-( Thankfully, the kid who attacked her has been moved out of state - makes her feel a little safer in a world that she's learned (the hard way) is not a safe place. Thanks for asking :-) |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... "teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Did she graduate last year? Wow! They sure grow up fast! Is she doing ok now? Nope, the school was merely looking forward. She's a sophomore this year. Whew! What a relief! I thought time was really getting away from me! She's doing better, but there will be life-long repercussions from the attack last year. Apparently, an attack like she sustained causes permanent changes in the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls a fear reaction. Once changed, it never goes back :-( That's sad. It's good to hear she is doing better, though. And it's also good that the little felon is gone! |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... "teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Did she graduate last year? Wow! They sure grow up fast! Is she doing ok now? Nope, the school was merely looking forward. She's a sophomore this year. Whew! What a relief! I thought time was really getting away from me! She's doing better, but there will be life-long repercussions from the attack last year. Apparently, an attack like she sustained causes permanent changes in the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls a fear reaction. Once changed, it never goes back :-( That's sad. It's good to hear she is doing better, though. And it's also good that the little felon is gone! Well, since the day he attacked my daughter, and including that attack, he managed to get himself arrested 3 times on a variety of charges. I sort of feel sorry for the citizens of the state to which he's moved. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... "teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... "teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Did she graduate last year? Wow! They sure grow up fast! Is she doing ok now? Nope, the school was merely looking forward. She's a sophomore this year. Whew! What a relief! I thought time was really getting away from me! She's doing better, but there will be life-long repercussions from the attack last year. Apparently, an attack like she sustained causes permanent changes in the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls a fear reaction. Once changed, it never goes back :-( That's sad. It's good to hear she is doing better, though. And it's also good that the little felon is gone! Well, since the day he attacked my daughter, and including that attack, he managed to get himself arrested 3 times on a variety of charges. I sort of feel sorry for the citizens of the state to which he's moved. He didn't come to California, did he? We don't need any more of that here! |
Name change because parent not visiting child
I don't feel a huge affinity to my father's family either (mostly they
are nasty turds. a legacy of my great grandfather who was a cold abusive man whose children were all damaged by him), but it wouldn't have occurred to me to change my name over it. And when I married, I quite honestly couldn't be bothered to change my name (mostly a pain in the rear to accomplish). I asked my future husband if he cared or had a preference, and he actually got a look of horror on his face at the idea I'd be Mrs. J. B. III (both grandma and mom were Mrs. J.B.s as well). At our wedding, the minister announced us as Mrs. JB and Mr. Mary G. I guess I might have changed my name if my birth surname was something embarrassing, long or hard to spell (where there were reasons other than whose patrinomy I was supposedly aligning myself with). I reiterate, if a kid has asked to have their name changed as a way to reject a parent, an adult put that notion in their head. I would say a teen certainly might want to follow through on that, and can chose what surname to adopt (and even what first name to use, or to change to), but my impression of the OP was that this was a smaller kid than that. M. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
wrote in message ups.com... I don't feel a huge affinity to my father's family either (mostly they are nasty turds. a legacy of my great grandfather who was a cold abusive man whose children were all damaged by him), but it wouldn't have occurred to me to change my name over it. And when I married, I quite honestly couldn't be bothered to change my name (mostly a pain in the rear to accomplish). I asked my future husband if he cared or had a preference, and he actually got a look of horror on his face at the idea I'd be Mrs. J. B. III (both grandma and mom were Mrs. J.B.s as well). At our wedding, the minister announced us as Mrs. JB and Mr. Mary G. I guess I might have changed my name if my birth surname was something embarrassing, long or hard to spell (where there were reasons other than whose patrinomy I was supposedly aligning myself with). I reiterate, if a kid has asked to have their name changed as a way to reject a parent, an adult put that notion in their head. In my daughter's case, her father was the adult who put that notion into her head - he hasn't seen or talked to these kids in 5 years. My daughter came to me, asking to change her name, and I told her that I really didn't want more court difficulties, and when she was 18 she could do as she pleased. I would say a teen certainly might want to follow through on that, and can chose what surname to adopt (and even what first name to use, or to change to), but my impression of the OP was that this was a smaller kid than that. M. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... "teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... "teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Did she graduate last year? Wow! They sure grow up fast! Is she doing ok now? Nope, the school was merely looking forward. She's a sophomore this year. Whew! What a relief! I thought time was really getting away from me! She's doing better, but there will be life-long repercussions from the attack last year. Apparently, an attack like she sustained causes permanent changes in the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls a fear reaction. Once changed, it never goes back :-( That's sad. It's good to hear she is doing better, though. And it's also good that the little felon is gone! Well, since the day he attacked my daughter, and including that attack, he managed to get himself arrested 3 times on a variety of charges. I sort of feel sorry for the citizens of the state to which he's moved. He didn't come to California, did he? We don't need any more of that here! Nope, he isn't in California. |
Name change because parent not visiting child
"Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... "teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... "teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... "teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Did she graduate last year? Wow! They sure grow up fast! Is she doing ok now? Nope, the school was merely looking forward. She's a sophomore this year. Whew! What a relief! I thought time was really getting away from me! She's doing better, but there will be life-long repercussions from the attack last year. Apparently, an attack like she sustained causes permanent changes in the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls a fear reaction. Once changed, it never goes back :-( That's sad. It's good to hear she is doing better, though. And it's also good that the little felon is gone! Well, since the day he attacked my daughter, and including that attack, he managed to get himself arrested 3 times on a variety of charges. I sort of feel sorry for the citizens of the state to which he's moved. He didn't come to California, did he? We don't need any more of that here! Nope, he isn't in California. whew |
Name change because parent not visiting child
CasualObserver wrote: ghostwriter wrote: wrote: Thanks Ghost writer. I live in Georgia. My ex and I do not have personality issues or anything. He just doesnt want to do anything with his son because he choses not to tell the world (and his girlfriends) that he has a son. I dont have a problem with it...we are divorced now. But I am concerned about this name thing affecting my child who feels strange because he has never met this person who shares his last name. It's just sad. Personally, if you have the money an hour with an attorney would be best. If not I would likley file for the name change since he doesnt really seem to care. I cant imainge a way that a judge could use to make that sufficient reason to terminate child support and I suspect that the judge would be very annoyed if your ex tried that tactic. But judges dont necessarily need reasons so thats why I suggest seeing the lawyer. If your ex allows the name change it would be an admission that he wants nothing to do with his son, but his financial obligations have nothing to do with his failure to meet personal obligations to his son. Ghostwriter The mother asking for the name change is an admission by her that she doesn't want the father to have anything to do with his son. I can't imagine that it would be held against him if he cooperates. And if he's not visiting maybe she has done something really bad to the father. So if you want to continue making accusations like a typical anti-father child-support services shill, then let's go... Alright lets go, I dont know either person from Adam so I assume that the OP was telling a minimually skewed version of the facts, you on the other hand took your personal experiences and pinned your ex's face on the OP. My understanding based on the OP was that the child is old enough to wonder why their name isnt the same as mom's and that this bothers them. Dad hasnt visited in a year but has maintained payments. Assuming that this is true then, AND I HAVE LITTLE REASON TO ASSUME OTHERWISE, then no earthly reason exists that this woman cant file for a name change and give her ex an oppurtunity to challange it if he wishes. Your assumtion is that since this is a custodial mother getting child support payments that she is some kind of monster hag, THE PLURAL OF ANECTDOTE IS NOT EVIDENCE. I am a long time foster parent, I specialize in girls with histories of sexual abuse. Dont ever expect anything but contempt if you attempt to tell me fathers are the ones being mistreated. Yes the system IS far too tough on the good fathers but that is simply because the good fathers seldom have a F_#$ING CLUE about the people it is trying to get to. The truth is that while almost all of the kids that walk though my door are there because they were neglected/abused by their MOTHERS, they or their mothers were almost always abused by their FATHERS prior to the complete failure of the situation. Mom then fled the into poverty. If even a small percentage of those FATHERS paid their child-support those children would be in private therapy etc. rather than in my care. So yes the systems is too tough, boo f@#$ing hoo. Have a conversation with a 10year old about what her daddy did to her then come bitching. If the cost of getting a few of those *******s to support their kids is that the policy is harsh, I consider it cheap(and will vote to keep it that way). It also is far cheaper for us as taxpayers since the failure of a household increases hugely the chance those kids will end up in prison or having kids in the foster system once they are grown. That is not to say that there arent a thousand ways the systems could be made better, but I am tired of getting the same kids back every few months because the system was too EASY on a BAD father. ANY INCREASE IN FATHERS RIGHTS MUST BE COUPLED WITH AN INCREASE IN SOCIAL SERVICES. OTHERWISE MORE FAMILIES WILL FAIL AND WE AS A SOCIETY WILL BE STUCK WITH THE (MUCH HIGHER) BILL. IF WE AS A SOCIETY EASE THE BURDEN OFF OF THE GOOD FATHERS MORE OF THE BAD ONES WILL SLIP THROUGH. THE PRICE TO SOCIETY IS FAR GREATER IF THAT HAPPENS THAN FORCING GROWN MEN TO DO WITHOUT. YES IT SUCKS, BUT THAT IS THE SIMPLE TRUTH. Ghostwriter PS I am the father of two children by birth and just sent hold my 21st foster placment. I expect to continue fostering for the rest of my life and to adopt any child that goes permanent custody while in my care. I am however 100% in favor of reunification outside of the worst cases. |
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