On Fri, 21 Jan 2005 14:17:37 -0800, "teachrmama"
wrote:


"Mandy Smith" wrote in message
news:1106333839.1ad627b27a591591c0f99116ffbc7a34@ teranews...
Kari, you don't know me first of all, secondly I'm not a breeder. I only
have one child, you probably have none. Is this the way you treat someone
that needs help ? You have a very cold, evil, and dark soul, I recommend
professional help for your lack of humanity.

It doesn't sound as if you are looking for help, Mandy. It sounds as if you
are looking for money. So, what have you done these last 15 years in the
way of training, etc, to better you lot in life? Have you attended college
to get a degree? Gone to a trade or professional training school? People on
government assistance, as you seem to be, get all kinds of help getting into
training programs. Maybe, instead of looking for the pot of gold at the end
of the Michael F. O'Shaughnessy rainbow, you would be better off finding
ways to increase your employability. And that would be an excellent example
for your daughter, too.


Well said!

I do believe she has a right to be upset with how people are
responding, however. Your response was the first I'd read which
explained the error in her thinking rather than simply bashing her for
thinking the way she does.

Mandy, if you are reading this, understand that your daughter's father
made it painfully obvious that he wanted nothing to do with this child
while you still had choices. HE chose to abort while you did not. HE
chose to put the child up for adoption while you did not. Perhaps HE
chose to not wear a condom, but YOU chose to let him enter you without
one on. YOU chose to make HIM responsible for birth control and were
unprepared to take that responsibility yourself. Now, you had and
kept a child against his wishes... STILL being unprepared to take on
that responsibility yourself.

As I tell everyone: sure, an absent father can be ordered to pay child
support, but it does not guarantee you will see a penny. When making
the choices that you did, you chose the life that you and your
daughter are now living.

I don't want to hear how difficult it would be to better your lot in
life while trying to support a child all by yourself. My eldest child
was born with a father who wanted nothing to do with him so I chose to
do the proper thing and let him walk away while I began going to
college. Sure, it took forever to get my degree while going
part-time, but skills learned WHILE in college enabled me to do better
and better as time went on. But I had a mission... I was going to
raise the child I chose to bear and keep and we were NOT going to be
living in poverty... so we didn't. Yes, it was hard to hardly ever
get 8 hours sleep a night (studying was often done late at night), but
I was going to be damned if my child would suffer because of a choice
I made. My brother and male friends (platonic relationships) were
strong male role models in my son's life and he will tell you (he is
now nearly 21) that he never suffered by not having a father, either
emotionally or financially. He understands why I made the decision I
did and respects me for it. I just had to be sure to enlighten him
that my decision was not the norm so that he would never expect the
same from a woman he may someday impregnate.

By the way, when I got my degree, I was in the process of raising
THREE children (mostly) by myself. There was a short marriage in the
late 1980's which gave me my younger two sons. There was NO child
support during the 4 years between my leaving my ex and when child
support was ordered... and, even then, child support has been spotty
ever since. But you know what? I don't even care. The only thing I
care about is my inability to claim the children on my taxes despite
not receiving support. Not supporting his children is something HE
can suffer with, not me or my children. I learned long ago to take
100% responsibility for whatever my choices have been (Thanks, Mom)
and not worry about someone else's responsibility (whether moral,
legal, or otherwise).