"lenny fackler" wrote in message
oups.com...
Circe wrote:
Could you imagine her being so insistent on having the first or the
second baby that she would have broken up the marriage over it?

The first maybe. Because we knew we wanted to have at least one. If I
had changed my mind about that after we got married it would've been a
big deal.
It's hard to say for the second.
We always said one or two.

Well, you know, my husband and I went into having children thinking the same
as you: one or two. We really didn't even consider having three initially.
But after the first one was born, my husband pretty quickly decided that two
wouldn't be quite "enough" and that he wanted three. It took me a little
longer to come around to that POV, but I pretty quickly discovered that I
*always* want one or two kids: I just happen to keep wanting the one or two
I don't have yet g!

It's a weird phenomenon and impossible for me to explain on any rational
basis, because I'm pefectly contented with the children I have; it's
certainly not a matter of wanting to replace or better the ones I've got, as
they couldn't be more wonderful. It's just that, well, there could be more
children to be wonderful, if you see what I mean!

If you can, then
you are deluding yourself to believe that just because you have two
happy, healthy kids, her desire to have another child could not be just
as
overwhelming as her desire to have the first or the second. I'm not
saying that it *is* that overwhelming, mind you, just that the fact that
you already have two children doesn't have to play into the equation
at all.


It may not come into play concerning ones desire to have another, but
it would be a factor in whether or not to stay married if there's a
disagreement about having more.
Breaking up your existing happy family because you want an additional
child seems ludicrous. Not that the desire should be ignored, but
there's got to be a way to deal with it that's not destructive.

And, of course, one way to deal with that desire to have another child, even
if only one of the partners is completely sold on the idea. Another way is
for the partner who wants the other child to come to the place I've reached,
which is that while my heart may want another child, my head knows it won't
work for any number of reasons.

I'll be honest: I have a far harder time understanding the position
of the partner who is dead-set against having another child than the
position of the partner who really wants that other child. Maybe that's
because, even when my husband I decided we wouldn't be having
any more children, we still want more children. But once you have
children, having more children doesn't change anything essential:
whether you have more or not, you're still parents with children!

That's true and even though I wasn't gung ho about having a second I
don't have any regrets now. It's just hard to imagine doing it again.

Well, I'm definitely with you there. My youngest is 3yo, and while I truly
*adore* babies, the idea of doing the whole pregnancy-childbirth-infancy
24-7 again isn't as appealing as it once was (especially with my 41st
birthday looming!).

The youngest is almost potty trained, we're just getting to the point
where we can travel again,

Goodness, why would you let a baby/toddler keep you from travelling if you
want to? We've been on three trips to Europe and one to Mexico since the
youngest was 7 months old. (I'll admit, it was easier to travel with him at
7 months old than at 24 months--that was sort of interesting, mainly from a
standpoint of the "bull in the china shop" factor--but the last two trips at
2y9m and 3yo were pretty easy, even though he's still in diapers).

I know, I know, a lot of people aren't up for travelling with little kids.
People think we're nuts to do it. But I think that most people would find it
a lot of easier than they *imagine* it would be if they'd just be optimistic
and do it (which is pretty much how we approach it).

all of the baby clothes and toys are ready
to be cleared out of the storage room where I can expand my workshop
and home brewery,

Okay, now I'm with you. The home brewery is *very* important g!

my wifes body is in pre-baby shape ;-),

I have to say, my husband likes me in "baby" shape. He sometimes jokes that
I should put on 20 lbs. just so he can relive the pregnant wife experience
for a little while.
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Mr. Congeniality (7), the Diva (5) and the Race Car Fanatic (3)

I have PMS and ESP...I'm the bitch who knows everything! (T-shirt slogan)