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Old June 11th 04, 05:46 AM
Nathan A. Barclay
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Default How Children REALLY React To Control


"Kane" wrote in message
m...

(responding to Doan)

I do notice though that you laugh at other people's honest mistakes.


I think what Doan found humorous was not the fact that Chris made a
"mistake" in and of itself, but rather the irony of how that mistake (if it
was one) turns around and has Chris criticizing parenting techniques that
Steve characterizes as non-punitive.

But did Chris actually make a mistake? Or was he laying the blame for
Steve's behavior on the way Steve saw other children being treated, and thus
in effect saying that spanking caused Steve's behavior even though Steve
himself was not spanked? I'm afraid Chris will have to answer that one
himself, if he wants us to know.

The way I look at it, Steve's vitriol comes from a combination of two
factors. One is that his parents obviously did not do a particularly
effective job of teaching him the importance of expressing disagreement in a
civil manner. But that raises the question of whether his parents tried to
do so and failed, or whether his parents were similarly intolerant of other
points of view and therefore never even tried to teach him civility toward
those who disagree with him (at least regarding certain types of issues).
Did Steve's parents' methods fail in that regard, or were they simply not
used?

The other factor involved in Steve's attitude is that from what he's said,
it sounds like he has seen a lot of behavior from spanking parents that I
would agree was excessive, and in at least some cases (and quite possibly a
lot more than just some) completely reprehensible. (For example, the idea
of a father's being mean to his children just to show off his control over
them is disgusting, and has.absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with
legitimate discipline.) Unfortunately, Steve seems inclined to take out his
anger on everyone who believes that spanking can be useful even if we agree
that a lot of what he saw was wrong. That kind of response is less than
entirely rational, but not impossible to understand on an emotional level.

By the way, Steve said that the people he saw were "fundy rural
hillbillies." Unfortunately, they appear to have been a sort who get so
caught up in some passages of scripture that they ignore others. Paul's
words, "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them
up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord," (Ephesians 6:4) are wholly
incompatible with exerting parental power for its own sake or to show it off
to others. "Because I said so" parenting styles are incompatible with the
Bible's passages about the importance of teaching children. It is tragic
when Christian parents (or at least parents who regard themselves as
Christians) get so caught up in the idea that children are supposed to obey
their parents that they largely ignore the responsibilities the Bible places
on them toward their children.

Nathan