Emily,
I am so heartbroken for you. I read but didn't respond to your other
post because frankly I was crushed and just didn't know what to say.
You are so brave & strong -- your family is very lucky to have you.

It's wonderful that your son is such an incredible source of strength
to you during all of this.

Take care,
Carla


On Thu, 26 Feb 2004 20:53:38 GMT, Emily wrote:

Hi,

We saw the perinatologist this morning. She was very kind,
and took lots of time with us and answered all of our questions.
We took another look at the baby on the u/s and saw absolutely
no fluid this time. It seems that (on top of everything else,
and probably not unrelatedly) I'm leaking fluid as well.

We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term
and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim. We
are also optimistic that the cause of the problem is unlikely
to be a recurring one, so that we can hope for an unproblematic
pregnancy in the future.

Going through all of the options, it seems that the course
with the least risk to my health and future fertility is
an induction. On Monday and Tuesday I have appointments for
something to soften my cervix (don't know exactly what yet),
and then the induction will be on Wednesday.

The baby is still wiggling and squirming, even though there's
no room without any fluid. It's pushing on the uterine wall
(which is actually kinda painful). The perinatologist says
that it must be a strong baby to do that -- I guess good muscle
tone tends to run in our family. DS has always been very strong,
practically could handle his own head (strong neck) from birth,
walked at 9.5 months, etc.

I asked about donating milk, and the perinatologist said she
would look into it for me. There's a chance that it could
actually be used in the NICU at the hospital where I will
deliver. Otherwise, there aren't any milk banks in my city,
but I will look into sending it to one.

So, I wish this could be over sooner, so I could get on
with things more quickly. It's very strange to be grieving already
for someone who is still alive. My department has been very
supportive and accommodating, and my class is taken care of
for the rest of the quarter. I should be able to teach next
quarter (starting 3/29) and think that I'll enjoy being able
to throw myself into my work.

DS is, of course, a huge comfort. I can imagine that this would
be 100x harder if it were my first pregnancy, and only harder
still after previous pregnancy loss. I am very much looking
forward to trying again (once my body has had a chance to recover
so that I start off on the best possible footing), and to
seeing lots of fluid on a ultrasound some day soon, and even
more so to cuddling a newborn!

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.